I was put here to k*ll.
You were too,
whether you know it or not.
We k*ll because it solves problems,
because after all the options
have been exhausted
and everything else fails,
we have one way to solve problems.
And that's why we're here.
That's not why I'm here.
I'm here to protect our troops,
to protect our interests.
I was put here to help create
a democracy, to enforce justice.
Yeah? And how do you do that?
You do that with this, this right here.
After everything else fails,
it all comes down to this, baby.
This is justice. Power is justice.
k*lling solves problems.
That seems like the solution.
It's called right and wrong.
Does not compute.
Where does right and wrong
factor in to this place?
You tell me - what difference
does right and wrong make here?
sh*t, man, right and wrong
only matters where it has impact.
There's always a right and wrong,
as long as you have the choice.
You ain't got no choice here.
Only choice is living or dying.
Going through life without a choice
is like driving without the headlights on.
Hey, hey, hey, quit f*cking around, man.
What's the point of seeing
when you can't steer anyway?
f*ck you. Turn the lights on.
- f*ck you.
- f*ck you!
Turn the f*cking lights on.
You don't know what's out there.
No, no, no, no, no, you don't stop.
You do not stop!
I just hit a f*cking kid.
You don't stop for anything at night.
What the f*ck was that?
It was a f*cking kid.
What's a kid doing in the desert?
I don't give a f*ck
if you just hit your grandmother.
You do not sidestep protocol.
You do not stop for anything at night!
What if he's still alive?
Bailey's right.
You're not supposed to stop,
it's the rules. It could be an ambush.
You put this piece of sh*t in gear and go.
That's an order!
f*ck you. I'm doing the right thing.
k*ll those g*dd*mn floods.
k*ll those g*dd*mn floods!
k*ll those f*cking lights.
k*ll those f*cking lights right now!
That's just who he was.
He pulled four people out of there
and then tried to put the pin back in.
He tried to
put the pin back in?
I didn't know you could do that.
Apparently you can.
Did you know
he was working on an opera?
Barthenoy's many friends,
some of whom
have gathered here today,
suggested that he was a man
who loved his country
and gave his life
protecting not only our freedoms,
but the lives of his fellow soldiers...
in essence, doing God's work.
Barthenoy was not only thoughtful,
a responsible and a loving man,
but a hero.
He is an example for us all.
But although he is a hero,
Barthenoy had not yet clarified
his spirituality
and his relationship with Jesus.
Well, Jesus said, “I am the way,
the truth and the life.
“No man cometh unto the Father
but by me.”
John 14:6.
Had Barthenoy the opportunity
to look into the future
and predict his own untimely passing,
a passing which, because of his youth,
is perhaps more tragic than most,
one wonders if this burden
would have been left unfinished.
And so now is the time for us
to look into our own lives
and ask the question,
have we embraced the path
of the righteous?
And if not, how long should we wait?
Until we are sick?
Until we are facing death ourselves?
Or until we stand before God in heaven
asking for atonement?
For none of us,
except Lord Jesus Christ,
none of God's children
can see their futures
and none can live forever here on Earth.
Did you check the gas?
Check the gas?
That gauge don't work.
You gotta use the stick.
Gas is all out.
Here's to Bart.
- To Bart.
- To Bart.
Is it just me, or was that priest guy...
Minister.
Was that minister saying
that Bart was going to hell?
Joey!
I'm not saying that he is.
I'm just... I'm just saying
that the minister,
his whole gig was that, you know,
“Unless you accept Lord Jesus Christ
as your only saviour,
“you're not going to heaven.”
Whatever. Heaven's just
a Christian recruiting tactic.
Wiccas believe that after death
one's spirit leaves one's body
and transcends time and space
and becomes part of a greater divinity
of nature, Mother Earth.
Now, does that just work for witches?
Or can mere mortals get in too?
It works for everyone, even assholes.
Perfect. I'm an as*h*le!
Do you think he joined the military
to get away from me?
- What?
- No, honey.
I mean, seriously, do you think
he was trying to get out of marrying me?
- No.
- No.
No, I do not.
In fact, I think he was building up
his courage to ask you.
Really?
Really, I do.
He even had me looking at rings for him
so that he'd be ready to ask you.
You're an as*h*le.
I'm sorry. I'm just...
Don't. Don't apologise.
Like, this is... none of this seems real.
How do you do it?
How do you stay so strong?
You seem so strong.
My inner strength is...
a manifestation of my rigorous regimen
of heavy sedation.
- What...
- Pills.
Lot of pills.
Vicodin. Valium. All the 'V's.
I actually cycle them with beer
or this little fella right here.
- Vicodin.
- Yeah?
- Can I?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can get you more
and whatever you need.
- Thanks.
- OK?
Oh, f*ck. I just don't know
if I can make it.
He was in all of my plans.
We were gonna get a place
together... eventually.
When he was ready.
I know.
And there was so much
I wanted to say to him.
God, if I could just have...
just one more day with him,
just one more.
It's gonna get easier.
It's gonna get better.
OK? Just give it some time.
I know, I know, I know.
I know it will, and I'll meet someone else.
But it... it won't be Bart.
It won't be him.
You know he never told me
he loved me?
He never said it.
I told him, but he never said it to me.
He did love you. He does, he did.
He did love you.
He did, he did love you, OK?
OK? Yeah?
Thank you.
No. Oh, God.
We can't do this.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I don't want to make things worse.
How can it get any worse?
What the f*ck?
The sick...
You're f*cking kidding me.
f*cking sh*t.
This is... this is a dream.
This is a dream.
It's all just... all a nightmare.
Just... wake up.
Wake up. f*cking... f*cking...
f*ck!
OK, just ride this sh*t out,
ride this sh*t out.
This is... this is...
This isn't real. This isn't real!
f*ck! f*ck!
f*ck.
Come on.
Come on, please, wake up.
Please wake up.
Joey.
Please wake up.
Joey. Joey.
- Who is it?
- It's me, man.
- Who's 'me'?
- It's me, Bart.
Let me in, please.
Hilarious. Who is it?
It's me, your friend, Bart.
Please let me in the door.
f*ck off, d*uche-bag.
It's f*cking early in the morning
and this sh*t is not f*cking funny.
Jesus, f*ck! What the f*ck?
Who is that?
OK, it's me.
I swear to God it's your friend.
What the f*ck? What the f*ck?
- Who is that?
- It's Bart.
Please, open up, man.
f*ck! Bart?
It's me. It's Bart.
f*ck!
Get the f*ck out of here!
- Get out of here, dude!
- f*ck!
- Get out of here!
- Jesus.
What the f*ck did you do that for?
What the f*ck is going on, dude?
I don't f*cking know, man.
I don't know.
You're supposed to be dead.
So I gather.
Look, I'm not gonna hurt you, OK?
I just need your help.
I'm not gonna hurt you.
Oh, God, this is just a dream,
this is just a f*cking dream
and I gotta f*cking wake up.
Wake up. Wake up, wake up right now.
Wake up.
I tried that. It doesn't work.
So it's not a dream.
So I'm f*cking insane.
That's it. I'm f*cking...
I lost my mind.
Maybe we're insane communally,
together.
And if I'm insane, that means
you're not f*cking here.
But if you're insane...
f*ck, you can't be f*cking insane,
'cause you're f*cking dead.
Oh, God, f*ck. How do you know
I'm not just f*cking imagining you?
I don't know the test for that, man.
Let's just pretend that you're not insane,
I'm actually alive and we're having
this f*cking conversation, OK?
That'd be more productive right now.
f*ck, I feel like sh*t.
Yeah, but you look terrific.
Oh, f*ck! Look at your f*cking eyes!
sh*t!
f*ck, yeah, it's f*cked up.
Look at them.
Jesus! f*ck, that is not f*cking cool!
Nasty. Oh, f*cking sh*t, you smell!
f*ck, you got a f*cking reek on you.
God!
You're really making me feel a whole lot
better about this whole situation.
You're f*cking decomposing.
Jesus Christ, you're f*cking rotting.
Dude.
This is not f*cking happening, dude.
This is not f*cking happening.
I was at your funeral, man.
About that - that was a mistake.
I think I was buried alive.
No, dude.
Yeah.
I f*cking touched you, dude.
You were f*cking dead.
It was f*cking cold.
It was nasty...
f*cking neighbours. Really?
Nothing changes.
They're still doing that?
Yeah, still.
- f*ck.
- Turn that thing down!
My funeral. My f*cking funeral.
Really? Yeah.
- How's Janet?
- She's fine.
She's fine. I mean terrible.
Terrible, devastated.
You know, destroyed.
And, you know,
she's just trying to deal.
We all are. You know, we were nervous
when you went over there.
We just wanted you to come back safe
and, you know, that...
Your uncle Dave called
and was real nice.
He told me, and then I had to
call and tell Janet,
and she was just...
But... but you're f*cking here.
f*cking Jesus Christ!
It's a f*cking miracle, right?
Jesus...
What's wrong? What's wrong?
Everything-Yeah?
I think it's my f*cking liver, 'cause
I don't know anything about livers...
We gotta f*cking get you
to hospital, dude.
- f*cking... You are awful.
- No.
We gotta f*cking find a doctor,
find out what's wrong with you.
No doctors. It's just my stomach.
Your stomach?
'Cause you f*cking haven't eaten
in three weeks.
I'm gonna go get you a snack.
You want a f*cking snack,
you got a snack?
I got pizza. It's cold, but
you know, it's cold pizza.
I can nuke it, 'cause it tastes better
if I throw it in the nuker.
- No, just bring it.
- OK.
- You found the medicine cabinet.
- Yeah.
OK.
- Anchovies?
- Yeah.
- Since when?
- Just...
That's disappointing.
Oh! f*cking... Dude, that's my rug.
Dr Forrest, dial 114, please.
Dr Forrest, please dial 114.
- Buried alive?
- Yeah.
I was definitely...
I was definitely buried.
It's the 'alive' part.
I thought I was dead.
Everybody thought...
You were dead.
Here, check this out.
Do you have any STDs?
Syphilis, hepatitis, anything?
I was k*lled to death in a gunfight.
Can you lean forward for me, please?
And just look straight ahead.
I'm kind of decomposing.
Can you take your shirt off for me,
please?
I need you to cough and...
Sure.
Military issue.
What's the problem?
No, no, I can't explain!
What's going on? What's going on?
Get down here!
What is it? What's going on?
Is it Bart? Barthenoy Gregory?
Dude, cops. We gotta...
We gotta go. There's cops.
I think that this is maybe more
than just a bug.
f*ck.
What now, man?
I know what I need to do.
Smoke some dope.
OK, so you take the couch.
The couch is all yours.
Yeah, and, you know, I think we just
gotta put a positive spin on this.
You know what I mean?
Put it into a positive light.
You know, in Korea,
the word for 'problem',
same word, 'opportunity'.
So, really, we don't have a problem here.
We have an opportunity.
A gargantuan, f*cked-up opportunity.
We'll figure this all out tomorrow,
buttercup.
- Jesus!
- sh*t.
- Oh, Jesus!
- Bart?
Christ...
Oh, f*ck, Bart.
f*ck! f*ck, Bart.
f*ck! Bart! What the f*ck, dude?
Bart?
Bart? Oh, Jesus.
What the f*ck is happening?
Jesus. I just don't believe it.
I know, right?
And what did the doctor say?
We didn't really get
a reasonable diagnosis.
God, it's unbelievable.
Promise you're not gonna
tell anybody, right?
No. I mean, yes, I swear.
Not anybody - not Janet, not his mom,
not until we figure out, you know,
what's going on.
So he's not breathing, right? I mean...
Oh, God.
I couldn't find a pulse.
- This is disgusting.
- Yeah.
Like, he smells dead, at least.
So, why don't you want to tell Janet?
I don't want to tell nobody nothing,
not till we figure out what the f*ck.
So what's the prognosis?
Well, his aura looks like sh*t.
Oh, his aura looks like...
- Is he dead?
- Yeah, he's dead.
- Dead dead?
- Doornail dead.
What the f*ck?
He was walking around,
puking up blood,
being a general pain in the a*s
not four f*cking hours ago.
And then he just arrested?
Arrested?
Died.
Maybe, like, his vital signs are so low
he just appears to be dead.
He's been embalmed, Joey.
So... what do we do?
- Chop off his head.
- What?!
You have to chop off his head
and drive a stake through his heart.
Why would I do that?
Because he's undead.
Undead?
He's a vampire.
A vampire!
Yes, Joey, a vampire,
a creature of the night.
And tonight he'll probably
come back again from death.
A vampire? You're a f*cking idiot.
What's wrong with you?
Joey, I'm serious.
Yeah, I'm serious, Matty.
You're a f*cking ret*rd, OK?
There's a science explanation
for what's happening here.
- OK, like what?
- Like he's sick.
He has a virus. Gulf w*r syndrome.
Joey, I'm a nurse.
He died over a month ago.
We buried him two days ago.
What does this look like to you?
OK. Alright.
Vampires have fangs, right?
Look?
Eugh, gross.
No fangs.
Maybe they take some time to grow in.
Yeah, maybe your theory is sh*t
'cause he died, like, a month ago.
OK, so what's he doing on your floor?
I don't know.
That's what I called you for.
You have to chop off his head.
OK, or else?
Or else, Joey, he'll roam the countryside
in search of victims to satiate
his thirst for human blood.
This is ludicrous, OK?
He's not a vampire. He's a dead guy.
I'm gonna take him to the mortuary
and let the morticians deal with him.
Alright, do what you want.
It's not my problem.
But if they don't chop off his head,
he will be back.
Oh, my God, where I live,
on planet Earth,
there's no such thing as vampires.
You know, believe what you want,
but when he rises again and starts
taking the lives of the innocent,
the blood will be on your hands.
It's up to you, Joey.
He will need to drink human blood.
If he doesn't, his soul will be
in eternal agony.
If you're really his friend, you'll put
his soul to rest and chop off his head.
Mathilda, not a word to anyone.
Promise me!
I promise, I do. Kisses.
Holy sh*t, dude.
You scared the piss out of me.
f*ck. Why am I so stiff?
I usually say that in the morning too.
- Was I asleep?
- You were dead.
Hey, your hanging-over favourite?
Eggs, smoked oysters
and Spam with molé.
Just the way you like it.
No? What? It's your favourite.
Yeah. I don't have much of an appetite.
I...I'm in the kitchen,
I make it special for you
and now, what, I don't have feelings?
Dig in.
Attaboy.
Good, right? Nice.
Oh, my God!
That is so wrong.
f*ck.
OK, you gotta help me.
Alright. OK, this is good.
This is good.
Dr Kaple, Dr Kaple.
This is ward 819.
Dr Kaple, call the operator
May I help you?
I'm just here for some blood.
You're not a nurse.
That's true.
- It's true, but...
- But what?
I don't have all day.
No nurse, no blood.
- Right.
- You got a security pass?
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Got a security pass.
OK, OK, I don't want to hurt you, ma'am.
I just want some blood.
Oh, here we go.
OK. What type?
- What?
- What blood type?
I...l don't know. It doesn't matter.
Just hurry up, please.
What are you using it for?
Hey, that's none of your business.
I'm a nurse. Of course it's my business.
I can't indiscriminately dole out
pints of blood
to every strung-out buffoon
who wanders in off the street.
Someone could get the wrong type
and blam, that's it.
So, what blood type?
No, just... just give me
some f*cking blood, lady, OK?
And hurry up,
or I'll give you a b*llet sandwich.
Good. Good.
Thank you.
We get your type in here
from time to time - weirdos,
jumping from one fly-by-night
hobbyist cult to another.
You know, the Gothic cult,
the witch coven, Landmark Forum.
You are searching for something,
for fulfillment.
Or maybe... maybe you're a cutter.
Maybe you're a junkie.
But have you asked yourself
if any of this is working?
If any of this is making your life better?
When was the last time
you had a stress test?
I don't know what that is.
I can give you a very simple test
to find out exactly where
your engrams are at.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Please put the blood in the bag.
Have you heard of Dianetics?
No.
You know, you don't have to do this,
you know.
Scientology can help you find
your place in life.
Thank you for your help.
Your purpose.
You're very helpful.
You don't have to...
sh*t.
Why, you poser! Give me that back,
you rat b*stard!
Please.
Give it back! Security!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- What's wrong with your eyes?
- Oh, my God!
You stay right there!
What's wrong with you?
You'll be full of lead, both of you.
Thank you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Here we go!
Drive. Drive, come on.
Holy sh*t. Holy sh*t.
How'd you do?
Oh, I f*cking did good.
- Yeah?
- I did good. Yeah.
Oh, f*ck. f*ck.
Oh, f*ck.
Where's the f*cking... Oh, f*ck.
Drink up, baby.
Drink it up. There you go.
Look at ya. Look at ya!
Drinking f*cking blood,
this is f*cking surreal.
This is real surreal. You feel good?
Not nice.
Yeah, girl. Working girl, right?
Yeah, yeah.
We should do this more.
You know, we didn't do this enough
when you were alive.
I feel like I've f*cking...
I feel like I've been
given a second chance.
You have been.
Nobody gets a second chance, nobody.
No... I-I got a second chance
and I'm gonna f*cking use it.
I'm gonna do it the way
I shoulda done it the first time.
There you go.
- And no mistakes.
- No mistakes.
- No regrets.
- No surrender.
Because I'm f*cking alive, my man.
God bless you.
f*ck.
God. God.
Oh, hi, Joey. How are you?
Hey, Mrs Agmanic.
- Is that Bart?
- It's Bart.
He's... he's...
Yeah, he's real sleepy.
He's been doing...
He's drinking, so...
- Is he drunk?
- Yeah.
Burning the candle at both ends.
I can help if you...
No, no, I'm OK, Mrs Agmanic.
You'll hurt his head.
Yeah, he's asleep.
He fell asleep in the oar, you know.
I'll bring you some...
He's sleepy, I don't wanna wake him.
I'll bring you orange juice.
No, thank you.
I'll bring you coffee.
OK, Mrs Agmanic.
God. Alright, get you down here.
Come on, baby.
Oh, f*ck him, alright.
No? Not... not even a tingle?
This is stupid.
OK, alright.
No, let's just experiment.
Alright, so the crucifix
doesn't work.
- Hold out your hands.
- Joey!
This is actual holy water, OK.
An actual Catholic priest
blessed this sh*t right in front of me.
Please, just hold out your hands.
No, this is ridiculous.
This is ridiculous, OK?
This whole thing is f*cking ridiculous.
Hold your hand out.
OK.
- Well?
- Oh, f*ck.
That's not wat...
What the f*ck is...
Holy sh*t!
What the f*ck?!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
f*ck, Bart, I'm f*cking sorry, dude.
Oh, my God!
Why did you do this?!
f*ck. What do I do?
What's wrong?
WHY DID YOU pour water on my hand?
It didn't do sh*t.
Oh, you f*cking as*h*le.
Such an as*h*le, man.
Who was stroking your hair last night
when you were drinking blood?
You were, yeah.
Human blood. f*ck it.
Look, alright, OK, OK,
I did some research,
and you're either
a zombie or a vampire.
Good. Zombie or a vampire.
I knew there had to be
a scientific explanation for this.
Well... Look, we basically
categorize you as definitely undead.
Alright. There's one catch, Joey.
There's no such thing
as vampires or zombies.
Not according to the internet.
God, the internet.
What do they say about Bigfoot
on the internet?
Bart, you're clearly not Bigfoot-
you're way too short,
you're not covered in hair,
your feet are too small.
OK, OK, alright.
So, zombie, check this out.
“A zombie is a dead human
or animal corpse
“that has been resuscitated
from death
“by virtue of a curse, plague
or other unnatural cause.”
Who does that
sound like, right?
“Zombies are automatons with
little to no mental functions, ” - you...
“limited reasoning power, ” - you...
“and virtually no innate drive, ” - again,
you...
“aside from the urge to feed on
the flesh or brains of the living.”
- So I'm a zombie.
- No.
Horst in 'Schriften und Hypothesen über
die Vampyren' defines a vampire as
“a dead body which continues
to live in the grave,
“which it leaves, however, by night
“for the purpose of sucking
the blood of the living,
“whereby it is nourished,
preserved in good condition,
“instead of becoming decomposed
like other dead bodies.”
And Scoffern in 'Stray Leaves
of Science And Folklore' writes,
“The best definition
I can give of a vampire
“is a living, mischievous
and murderous dead body.
“A living dead body.”
So I'm a vampire.
- You're a revenant.
- A revenant?
One who returns from the dead
in corporeal form.
Yeah. Yeah, that's me.
So, what the hell do you do...
drink holy water and recite
the Lord's Prayer backwards, what?
There is, er, one... one cure
and that is chopping off your head
and driving a stake
through your body.
Well... Oh, f*ck!
f*ck.
So, what are we gonna do?
Here we go, here we go.
Here we go.
Hey, man, how you doing?
Hey, man, we got
some work for you. Hop in.
Oh, thank you very much, sir,
but how about just some money
so I can buy some food?
Please don't touch the car.
We'll give you some food, OK?
So come on in, we got food for you.
Oh... no, man. Thanks.
How about just a dollar, maybe $2.
OK.
Well, here's the thing - your sign says
you will work for food.
So we've got work for you,
then we're gonna give you some food...
you'll work for food.
You understand what I mean?
So come on in.
Hey, man, I'm just trying
to make ends meet, you know.
So you will work for food?
Money would be better.
I mean, I'm just trying
to make things happen,
and kind of burn the candle
at both ends.
Burn the candle at both ends?
Burn the candle at both ends.
So whoa, whoa, whoa,
let's revisit this for a moment OK?
What do you mean 'missed'?
You want me to k*ll them?
These are the dregs of society.
They have no jobs, no family,
you know what I'm saying?
They make no contribution whatsoever.
You think someone's gonna notice
if they don't show up
at the freeway exit ramp one day?
I'm not k*lling anybody.
You gone f*cking crazy?
You know what, maybe I am crazy.
You show up, come back
from the dead magically,
soliciting my help to procure
human blood so you don't rot.
Yeah, crazy -
reasonable explanation.
Here we go, filthy meal coming up.
Hey, there, pops,
got some work for you for food.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don't you hop in, OK?
How about some money, man?
Give me some money.
No, no, no, no.
We have food for you
if you work for us, like the sign says...
you know, the sign
that you're holding?
- What?
- The sign.
- What?
- “Will work for food.”
Who the f*ck do you think I am,
your n*gg*r'?!
Oh, wow.
Get outta the car, white boy!
Alright, alright. Alright.
Outta the car! Put them up.
OK.
Hey, will you work for food?
I don't do that sh*t, man?
I ain't no f*gg*t,
I don't do that sh*t.
"No, no, no, no, I"
Hey, you're looking for Boystown -
Santa Monica Boulevard.
Now get the f*ck out of here
before I give you something
else to think about.
You f*gg*t m*therf*cker!
Get the f*ck off!
This is working out great, Joe.
What have you got next?
I'm sorry, man.
I mean, I'm surprised nobody responded
to my Craigslist ad...
- What, really?
- Yeah.
That surprises me.
Everybody responds to those things.
- I know.
- What are you gonna do?
Jesus!
Oh, what is wrong with you?
f*ck.
I don't know what that's about.
We gotta figure it out soon.
Hey, bro! Bro! Just wait a sec.
Get in the car.
You know what time it is?
Get in the car. Start the car.
No watch.
Yeah, I think it's, like, 2:00.
They're just closing up
in there, so...
Oh, thanks. Thanks.
Hey, bro, you look kinda... kinda sick.
I saw you throwing up.
- Ese, you alright?
- No, no.
Actually, I lost my watch.
Yeah, I got it, though.
- Oh. OK.
- Hey, let's go.
Hey, man, I'm selling watches, ese.
You wanna see these watches, man?
You might like one. Hey, check this out.
Give me your money, ese!
f*ck.
Look...
Give me the money, ese!
I don't have any money, man.
f*ck you! I said give me your money.
f*ck you, I don't have any money.
We spent it all on hookers and blow!
Hookers and blow?
Hookers and...
Turn your punk a*s around, ese.
Hookers? You maricones
are here for hookers?
- p*ssy?
- That's right.
Mexican p*ssy?
What, you f*ggots can't find
no p*ssy in Brentwood,
you gotta come down here
to my barrio?
Do we really look like
we're from Brentwood?
Did you come down here
for Mexican p*ssy or not'?!
Would you please not point
that f*cking g*n at me?
Shut your f*cking mouth!
Did you come down here
for Mexican choncha?
No, we did not come down here
for Mexican choncha.
You didn't f*ck no Mexican girls?
No.
No, we didn't f*ck any Mexican girls.
Why not?
What?
What, Mexican choncha is not
good enough for you, cr*cker?
- They don't smell right?
- No...
They don't smell right,
is that what you're saying?
No, they smell great. Mexican...
Mexican choncha smells great.
Smells... smells good?
Mexican women are beautiful.
So you did come down here
for some p*ssy,
for some Mexican p*ssy.
Hey, back up, ese! Back up!
Holy sh*t!
Holy sh*t! Bart!
Back up, little boy.
- You want two in you?
- No.
You want two in you?
- Then give me your sh*t.
- OK.
Let's go, Casper. Give me your sh*t.
What the f*ck?
I f*cking k*lled you, ese!
I k*lled you, ese!
Take that!
Ese.
Holy sh*t, Bart. You OK?
You alright?
No.
Dude, you got shot. A lot.
Dude, he shot you with his g*n.
This is a trip! Look at you!
Oh, my... Oh, yo, OK. Alright.
Alright, we gotta...
We gotta get outta here, dude,
we gotta get outta here right now.
What?
We gotta go. Come on, we gotta go.
Take him, take him.
Get him, get him, get him.
What are you talking about?
We gotta go.
You need him, trust me. Come on.
Help me out, help me out.
Jesus.
Come on, get him.
Ready? Go.
Alright, get him in there.
Oh, daddy's gonna eat.
Baby's gonna have a nice meal.
Oh, my God, that ruled!
Oh, my God, I can't even believe it!
That is so awesome, buddy.
You got dinner, buddy. Nice!
Yeah, that gangbanging m*therf*cker
f*cked with the wrong
f*cking gringos?
You didn't see that one coming,
did you, ese?
Maricón?
Yo, so suck him off or, you know,
drink his blood. You know, do it.
I...l don't know, man.
f*cking drink his blood, Bart.
Do it.
You're wasting it.
He's bleeding all over the seat.
Jesus Christ. You know, he shot you!
You know he shot you, right?
He tried to k*ll you.
It was us or him!
Seriously, Bart!
Dude, you're decom-f*cking-posing,
are you kidding?
You're wasting away.
Don't you wanna get better?
Dude, you have no choice.
Drink his blood.
There you go. That's my guy.
Look at that. Oh! Oh, Jesus Christ.
Holy sh*t.
We're gonna need more rocks.
No, we got plenty of rocks.
No, we got enough rocks to sink him
but we don't got enough rocks
to hold him down
once his putrefying flesh
starts to swell up with gas.
Then he becomes a big, white
fermented meat bobber
bubbling up on the surface
for all to see.
We're gonna need more rocks.
Where the f*ck do you find this sh*t?
I retain odd little titbits
of information.
Up and over.
This is crazy, dude.
God.
OK, here we go. Yup, yup, yup.
- Oh, Hi, Joey.
- See ya.
Joey?
Joey?
Joey!
Joey!
Hey, Joey.
Joey, I can see you in there.
- I'm naked.
- Oh, come on!
From the waist down.
Oh, come on, Joey, open the door.
Hold on! Coming!
Coming.
Are you f*cking kidding me?
Joey, what are you doing? Come on!
Oh. OK, you should knock more.
Matty.
Janet
The police came to my house.
They said Bart's body's missing.
My God, you're kidding?
Save it, Joey. I already told her.
What's going on?
I wanted to tell you, I did, I did,
but he didn't want me
to tell anyone.
I thought... l think maybe
he was embarrassed.
Are you sure you wanna do this?
Oh, my God.
It's a bit stuffy in here.
Oh, my God.
I don't believe it.
Why?
Why? Why are you doing this to me?
You f*cking arsehole,
I loved you. Why?
He's cold.
We have to stop this. It's too hard.
There are dark forces at play.
We have to end this, now.
Dark forces?
And what do you mean, 'end it"?
She means cut off his head.
What'?!
It's the only way, Janet.
The... the only way to what?
The only way to put
his soul to rest.
No! I wanna see him again.
Has he k*lled yet?
What do you mean, 'k*lled"?
He has to drink blood
to survive, Janet.
Has he k*lled yet?
You're not cu...
You're not cutting off his head.
This is insane.
Has he k*lled yet, Joey?
- Joey'?!
- A little bit.
- What?
- It was in self-defense.
And did he drink his victim's blood?
Yeah, he did do that.
See?
Janet, we have to
put his soul at peace.
You understand?
He can't do it himself.
It's up to us.
No! You're not f*cking touching him.
You never liked him and
you never wanted us to be together.
Get out of here now!
- Go!
- All I wanna...
Go! Go.
Oh. That went well, I thought.
That's... that's my room.
So, did you come clean
with your best pal?
Beg your pardon?
Perhaps there's more than one reason
to 'give him peace'.
Do the right thing, Joey.
f*cking blow me, Matty.
.J' They say
♫ It must have been
♫ Surrender
♫ They cannot see how
♫ I could love a man like I love you
♫ I tell them
♫ All that there is to remember... ♫
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
♫ And I don't recall... ♫
Oh, my God, it's so good to see you.
It's so good to see you too.
How did you find out?
I couldn't believe it
when Mathilda told me, I...
Oh, my God, look at your eyes.
Oh, yeah. That's f*cked up, right?
I usually wear sunglasses.
What the hell's going on?
Oh, sometimes, I guess,
people just rise from the dead.
- From the dead?
- Yeah.
From the dead!
♫ Angels are there just for lovers
♫ And gently they guard us
each day... ♫
I can't believe you'd do this to me.
Baby...
I had to bury you!
I had to say goodbye.
♫ They say
♫ You're not the lover for me
♫ Hoping for proof they don't see
♫ Somehow awaiting your crime
♫ I fall
♫ into your arms
♫ With my heart
♫ Open as wide the stars
♫ I know that your love is mine. ♫
So you're still not hungry
or are you basically, like, nervous
you're gonna puke everything up
in a damned bloody mess?
I'm not feeling very rubicund lately.
Rubicund?
Nice. That's a pretty g*y word.
Oh, you got your
cell phone back?
Yep. Janet gave it back to me.
What?
She sent me a bunch of voicemails
when I was dead.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Said she wanted to hear my voice.
She pissed that you're not accepting
her calls, sending her to voice-mail?
- You're so f*cked, man.
- Sorry.
You just send her to voice-mail.
Where's the Quick-E-Mart man?
I don't know.
Oh, there he is. Yes.
- OK.
- You alright?
That's a nice shirt.
Great shin.
- Did you steal it from a Gypsy?
- Cowboy Gypsy?
That's a great hat.
- Hey!
- What are you doing?
You stupid white m*therf*ckers,
you just walked into the wrong
m*therf*cking liquor store.
Put your white m*therf*cking heads on
the m*therf*cking counter now!
Get the f*cking money
out of the f*cking machine
and put it in the f*cking bag!
I hate f*cking square-a*s, tight-f*ck
white people like you.
And I can't stand no slant-eyed,
ch*nk-Nip m*therf*cker
like you neither.
Get the f*cking money!
Think I'm playing with you'?!
Give me that.
Get your a*s over there.
What the f*ck's wrong
with you f*ck?
On your knees! Put your hands
behind your f*cking head!
Skimpy-a*s yellow b*stards.
Anybody moves, I'll sh**t 'em.
Anybody makes a sound, guess what?
I'm gonna sh**t 'em!
I'm glad you assholes
came up in here.
I didn't plan on busting up
no white folks tonight, just gooks!
But I always do over the white man
when I get the opportunity.
Fork it over, m*therf*cker!
Put that f*cking sh*t
on the counter! Now!
Yeah.
Isn't that a little r*cist?
What?
Wh-what-what... what the f*ck
did you just say?
You always do over the white man
when you get the chance,
that what you said?
f*ck you! Look what you
white folks did to my people.
Look how you force down
the black community!
You specifically target someone
based on their race, that's racism.
Back me up on this, Joey.
Yeah, back him up, m*therf*cker.
sh*t, are you kidding me, man?
Are you f*cking kidding me?
“Moral consciousness
implies a kind of scission,
“a fracture of consciousness
“into a bright part
and an opposing black part.
“In order to achieve morality,
it is essential that
“the black, the dark, the n*gro
vanish from consciousness.
“Hence a n*gro is forever in combat
with his own image.” Frantz Fanon.
Louis Farrakhan said,
“Anarchy may await America
“due to the daily injustices
suffered by the people.”
I'm doing my part to manifest
that anarchy, brother,
and free all people.
But you ain't gonna see that freedom
because you're gonna be a casualty
of the anarchy
that brings it into being!
And the f*cking slope goes first.
No. Don't, don't. I don't wanna die.
Don't, don't, don't sh**t me, please.
What the f*ck is with that sh*t?
I think he fainted.
Fainted?
Shut the f*ck up, gook!
I said, “Shut the f*ck up!”
Alright, say goodbye, m*therf*cker.
Don't, man.
No, don't k*ll me. Don't k*ll me.
f*ck! f*ck! Oh!
f*ck, f*ck.
You wanna be a f*cking hero?
I don't wanna die. sh*t!
Oh, f*ck, f*ck. I don't wanna die.
Oh, f*ck.
Oh, f*ck. Oh, sh*t.
He was shot.
Dude, what happened, dude?
What the f*ck?
Oh, I got... l got shot.
Oh, hurting.
f*cking Jesus, it hurts.
You should see your chest. Is it OK?
Is it real?
Oh, f*ck. What the f*ck happened?
What? I don't get it.
- He's dead.
- Yeah?
f*ck you. I say, “f*ck you.”
Yeah.
That teaches you to f*ck with me.
Yeah, baby.
Yeah, I can't...
I can't talk right now, OK?
- Yeah, I'm just too busy.
- as*h*le! f*cking as*h*le.
I'm too busy to tell you
why I'm busy.
Teach you to f*ck with me.
OK? I gotta go.
OK, I'll talk to you later.
Martin Luther King
is rolling in his grave.
- Yeah, I will.
- You as*h*le.
You're a disgrace to the black man.
OK. OK, gotta go.
Don't you f*cking get it, you punk?
OK.
OK, baby. 'Bye.
I don't believe it.
I'm a-f*cking-live, alive! Anything
in the f*cking store you want.
Please, take it, take it.
Anything.
Please, please, here. For free.
Take it, for free.
- OK, yeah.
- You saved my life!
- You saved my life!
- Yep.
Bart, look at this f*ck.
Look at that sh*t.
You f*cking kidding me?
Oh, score.
T-take out $300,
make it f*cking snappy.
M-machine w-won't take my card.
Don't f*cking f*ck with me, man.
I want $300 or they're gonna be
wiping up your f*cking frontal lobe
off that machine in the AM.
It-it's not my card. I-I stole it.
It's not mine.
Shut up! You think
I'm f*cking stupid?
I'm gonna count to three...
No, I'm gonna count to five.
Alright? And if I don't have
300 bucks, kaboom, you're dead.
One. Two.
Three. Four.
Drop the f*cking g*n lickity-f*cking-split.
- Move and the geek gets it.
- OK.
I'm gonna count to three.
No, I'm gonna count to five.
And if you don't drop the g*n, kaboom.
One.
Motherfuck...
- No! Help! Help!
- Shut up!
Oh, go away. Oh, God, help.
Help me. Somebody, help me.
Shut up!
I know what you're thinking.
Did he fire six shots or only five?
Well, to tell you the truth,
in all this excitement
I've kinda lost track myself.
But seeing as this is a .44 Magnum,
the the most powerful hand g*n
in the world,
would blow your head clean off...
Oh, you can't...
That's not a .44 Magnum.
So you've got to
ask yourself a question,
“Do I feel lucky?”
Well, do ya... punk?
f*ck you.
Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
How can I ever thank you?
Well...
Oh, my God, dude.
Holy God. This looks fun.
Oh, fu...
It smells like pure gasoline.
Are you kidding me?
Oi. What did you say,
little brown rabbit?
What local law enforcement
is calling a vigilante gunslinger
sends cheers through
the local community.
For the full story
we go to Anita Chung.
Convenient Man owner Marty Kim,
whose business has been plagued
by hate crimes and vandalism
ever since the latest
Laker riots in June,
claims that the gunslingers
saved his life.
My business has been
plagued by crime, yes.
My wife and I can't sleep
without worrying about what's
gonna get broken or stolen
until these gunslinger boys.
Police say
these men are criminals
and need to be subdued
and prosecuted
before they can strike again.
Will you help the cops
with their investigation?
Why do they
need to be prosecuted?
They saved my life.
How can you explain the fact
that the victims have been found
with all the blood drained
from their bodies?
What blood? I don't see any blood.
Anita Chung, reporting to you live
from Koreatown. Back to you.
Vigilante gunslingers.
How f*cking cool is that, dude?
To protect the innocent,
to serve justice, truth, vengeance,
the American way.
Oh, my God, We're like...
We're like cowboys.
We're like vampire superheroes.
Maybe... I think maybe, like, maybe
you could make me a vampire. Right?
I mean, like, I'll drink your blood or you
drink my blood, you know,
whatever we have to do
to give me the dark gift.
“The dark gift?”
The dark gift? The dark gift?
The dark gift? The dark gift. Yeah.
- The dark gift.
- The dark gift.
Yeah. Yeah, I could give you
the dark gift. The dark gift.
The dark gift?
Yeah, man, that would be great.
OK, I'm in a happy place.
We're on TV. This is cool. And now
you're sh1tting on me with sarcasm.
OK? So f*ck off. You're a d*ck.
Say 'dark gift' again.
The dark gift.
You're a child, and now
I'm gonna go masturbate
to pictures of your mom,
which I have.
Go get 'em, tiger.
Go get 'em, daddy.
There you go. Go on.
Oh, that's not good. Oh, God.
Here I come. I'm coming.
Freeze, you f*ck.
Oh, God. f*ck.
You're OK. You're OK.
Listen, we've just got
to get to the car.
Come on.
Oh, f*ck.
Oh, f*ck.
- You hang on, buddy.
- God!
Hang on, Joey.
You're gonna be OK. OK?
I'm bleeding to death.
You gotta hurry, Bart.
You gotta hurry, man.
Do not think about the pain, buddy.
Don't let me die, Bart.
You stay... I won't let you die.
OK? You stay with me.
b*ll*ts everywhere!
Oh, f*ck. I'm in trouble, dude.
Oh, my God.
I had dreams. I had f*cking...
We had dreams.
We didn't do sh*t.
We didn't do a f*cking thing.
Now it's too late.
It's not over, buddy. It's not over. You're
gonna be fine, alright?
We're gonna get you to the hospital
and get you patched up.
OK? They're gonna fix you right up.
We're gonna f*cking do everything
we always talked about, man.
We'll make things happen, alright?
Don't leave me.
f*ck! Where's this f*cking hospital?
Are you lost? You can't
find the hospital?
I'm not lost. I'm not lost.
It's right up here on the...
f*ck!
- I'm gonna die.
- Keep talking.
I'm gonna die in the front seat
of this bullshit car.
Joey, hang on. Joey, hang on.
You f*cking hang on!
Joey? Joey?
Joey? Joey, don't
do this to me. Joey!
f*ck.
We gotcha. You're
gonna be just fine.
Coming up,
the World Health Organisation
has quarantined
the international terminal at LAX
following criticism that local authorities
have not done enough...
to stop the spread...
Hot.
Hey! Hey, pal.
You gotta be kidding me.
Should have chopped off my head
while you had the chance.
No f*cking sh*t, man.
1505 South Wooster. An upstairs duplex.
Code 2 incident-5401-RD-859.
- You ready?
- Ready, teddy.
Drop the g*n. Drop it.
Drop it, f*ck.
In continuing crime team coverage,
the vigilante gunslingers
saved the day again.
Death toll rises as search for local
crime-fighting outlaws intensifies.
One woman relates
her harrowing experience
in the hands of
the vigilante gunslingers.
Find out how vigilantism
affects your credit standing.
And finally, in the Sky 7
investigative team's
continuing live team coverage of the
vigilante gunslingers, Clue Watch,
local Southland investigators claim
they have a break in the case,
leading them to the true identities
of the gunslingers.
Surveillance video outside
a Super Puffs hot dog stand
appears to show the suspects
exiting the crime scene
and then performing reckless
manoeuvres in their getaway vehicle
before making their escape.
Police now are looking for leads
from anyone who might
have seen the suspects
driving a late model Camaro
with a Surfboard on the roof
♫ I can see it now
♫ By the look on your face
♫ I'm about to have a problem
♫ Got a g*n out west
♫ Always get away with it
♫ Living in a blizzard
♫ Coming from the tower
♫ Giving you the word
♫ Try to find a clear thought
inside your... ♫
Oh, yes.
Oh, my God.
There's a shitload of coke here, dude.
Oh, dude! Holy sh*t. What a haul.
Oh, my God. Oh, dude. Oh, God.
- sh*t.
- What's the matter?
These guys are cops, man.
- No sh*t?
- Yeah.
What are you doing?
What's it look like?
I'm trying to give him CPR.
Yeah, I think I can save
this one right here.
Oh, yeah. Oh,
he's coming around.
Oh, I think I can save him.
No. No. He's dead.
Quit screwing around, f*ck-a*s.
These guys are cops. Did you hear me?
Yeah, they're cops. So what? OK?
The most corrupt dirtbag f*ck
of this society. Jesus.
What do you think
they're doing here?
Do you think they're
good-guy drug dealer cops?
What's your f*cking deal anyway?
It isn't right.
They were drug dealers.
You love drugs.
What about the children?
It's the children that suffer here.
You should think of the children.
What the f*ck?
Matty?
What the hell
are you doing here, Matty?
Well, you must be
the vigilante gunslingers.
Some pretty dope m*therf*ckers?
Jesus Christ, Matty.
It's been a long time.
Yeah, I haven't seen you
for a while... upright, anyway.
How you been?
Good. Fine. You?
Same ol', same ol'.
So, what's it like dying
and then coming back?
I can't say it exactly rules.
Are you f*cking serious?
You sucked your best friend's blood?
It's not like that.
I was trying to save his life.
Oh, well, good work.
Now you're both ghouls.
I warned you. I told you
to cut off his head.
But no, you knew everything, didn't you?
Alright. Alright. Fine. OK?
What the f*ck are you doing here?
I followed you.
I've been watching you.
I know what you're doing.
And now Janet will too.
No. You can't tell Janet.
Janet, the police, the evening news... I'm
telling f*cking Oprah.
It's not fair what you're doing to her. You
know she still loves you.
She thinks there's hope.
She thinks there's a cure.
She's still trying
to work it out with you,
with her deadbeat, dead boyfriend.
Just let her go, Bart.
Let her get on with her life.
You've got to let me tell her.
Matty, please just give me that.
No. Game over.
Cops, Janet, and when
the sun comes up, heads off.
Matty!
I will sh**t you.
Joey, don't.
Matty, I'll sh**t you.
Joey?
No, you won't.
The f*ck?
- You heard her.
- What the f*ck!
Well, she said she was
gonna go to the cops.
It's Matty.
Yeah, it's Matty, OK?
The witch freak...
Just f*ck up.
Who had a lesbo crush
on your girlfriend,
who was gonna go to the cops.
Joey, you're such a d*ck.
f*ck Matty. f*ck Matty, dude.
f*ck her. f*ck her.
She was a...
She was gonna go to the f*cking cops.
I f*cking shot her.
f*ck her. You're f*cking welcome.
You're just f*cking pissed.
It's ringing. Shut up.
I had the f*cking ba*ls to do something
that you couldn't...
Please, dude.
..f*cking do ever.
You're such a p*ssy.
f*ck! Voicemail.
Yeah, she's probably on the f*cking
phone with the cops right now,
so we gotta get
the f*ck out of Dodge
and get the f*ck out of here
before the sun rises.
What the f*ck are you doing?
Where are we?
Just get everything
you can at home, OK?
Pack everything
you can into one bag.
What are you talking about?
Or don't pack, alright?
Don't pack. I don't care.
Just meet me at home,
alright? I got a plan.
Plan?
- It's a surprise, OK?
- Yeah.
Look, you're gonna love it. Just
meet me at home in 30 minutes, OK?
30 minutes. Don't be late.
Look, I don't know
what Mathilda told you...
Don't. Just don't.
- What?
- Stop it, Bart.
Yeah, they're cops.
So what? OK?
The most corrupt dirtbag...
They were drug dealers, Janet.
Joey's a drug dealer.
No, it's not the same thing.
It's not the same thing at all.
These people... They had g*ns.
They had weapons.
Oh, so it was self-defense?
Yeah.
- Yes, it was.
- Well, then, why...
We need to drink blood,
Janet. I need to.
Don't you get that? If I don't
get blood I will decompose.
- I'll rot.
- You can use me.
What?
I mean, you won't k*ll me, right?
But you can get by
just on me, can't you?
You have no idea what you're saying.
I just want us to be together.
Don't do this, alright?
I want you to stay
so we can be together.
You don't understand.
Come on.
Please don't do this. Please don't.
Just take a little, just enough.
I want you to, baby.
Oh, God.
What the f*ck is that?
It's our new
recreational vehicle. Yeah!
Big, roomy, 472 big block
under the hood.
Oh, a k*ller AC so that
the corpses don't get too ripe.
I personally installed a 12-disc
CD changer MP3 player,
so the tunes, they're covered.
The style is apropos,
I'd say, and check it out.
Yeah!
I'm thinking Las Vegas?
Me and you go to Vegas.
It's open all night long.
Restaurants, gambling,
shows, showgirls...
The night-life, baby!
And then in the morning
we retire to the luxury
and safety of our two-coffin suite.
Yeah! What do you think?
Oh, an endless bevy of bodacious
apple-bottomed booty,
a lifetime of debauchery.
The vigilante gunslingers
do Las Vegas.
What's the problem?
- What is it?
- Janet
What about Janet?
I didn't mean to.
What happened to Janet?
What happened to Janet?
She wanted me to do it.
She... She begged me to do it
and I... l got carried away.
What did you do, Bart?
What did you do to Janet, Bart?
You as*h*le. You stupid c**t.
What's the matter with you?
It wasn't my fault.
She wanted me to do it.
It was a f*cking accident.
Well, you are going
to have to cut off her head.
What?
You want her to be like us?
Is that what you want?
You want her to come
back from the dead
and roam the earth
in Search of human blood?
You don't have self-control.
She loves you and
you use her for food.
You are such an as*h*le.
I slept with her.
What?
I f*cked Janet after your funeral.
She was looking for a shoulder
to cry on and I f*cked her.
You?
Bullshit.
Bull-f*cking-sh*t. f*ck you.
She was all over me, dude.
She was all over me, dude.
We came back here, got drunk,
and then we screwed.
We did it all night.
It was crazy. We were like demons.
You f*cked my girlfriend?
After I died, you f*cked my girlfriend?
What do you care? You were
never gonna marry her.
She waited for you to come home
so that you could marry her.
But you were never
gonna marry her,
whether or not you came home alive.
You've been draining her blood
way before you k*lled her.
You've been a vampire for years.
You f*cked Janet.
You k*lled Janet.
Oh. You're gonna sh**t me?
Yeah.
You're gonna sh**t me?
Well, come on and do it, f*gg*t.
- Do it.
- I will.
I want you to sh**t me.
Come on. Do it, c*ck.
I'd f*cked your girlfriend
I'd f*cked your girlfriend... I'd
Shut up. Shut the f*ck up.
You were my best friend
and you f*cked my girlfriend.
What we did wasn't f*cking.
No, no, no. It was more than that.
She had all this pent-up
remorse up inside her.
She had to get it
out of her somehow.
That's where I came in
and I came in.
That's right. She was...
She was like an animal.
She was like a cat. It was f*cking dirty.
It was f*cking nasty.
It was insane.
Shut the f*ck up.
Oh, you're such a d*ck.
You f*cking d*uche-bag.
You were aiming for my head.
Oh, yeah?
f*ck!
That was my f*cking ear.
You f*cking shot my ear.
f*ck you.
Oh, f*ck.
- sh*t.
- f*cking c*ck.
c*ck?
Jeez.
You're a Judas.
You... Stop sh**ting me.
You are the worst friend.
f*ck you, d*ck.
F...
b*tch.
sh**ting your ba*ls.
Hey, hey. No.
What happened to us?
You happened to us.
Find your own ride
into the afterlife.
Joey's going to Las Vegas.
Go to sleep, Mrs Agmanic.
There's nothing to see here.
Alright.
Freeze!
Hey, baby. How are you doing?
Get in the car?
You want to party?
You want to party?
It's hot in here.
I got too much money.
Get in the f*cking car, hon.
What the f*ck?
Get the f*ck out of my... You guys
do not want to f*ck with me.
- Do you understand?
- Get out!
What the f*ck?
f*cking... You...
I'll f*cking k*ll you. f*ck.
What the f*ck
is going on? Holy sh*t.
Who the f*ck are you guys?
What the f*ck?
Surprise, surprise, homie.
We been looking all over for you.
Remember me, ese?
Oh, yeah. Benny. g*y kid from gym
class. Look at you. You filled out.
Oh, f*ck.
I want you to take
a close look at me, man.
Look at my f*cking eyes.
Oh, yuck. Oh. Should
have used more rocks.
That's right, man.
You didn't figure it out, did you?
f*ck, man. It took me
a long time too, man.
But you got to out off the heads
before they come back to life, homie.
You got to cut off the head.
I woke up in a f*cking lake, man.
Fishes were eating my eyelids.
God, it's disgusting.
I'm a f*cking freak, man.
Can I be honest? You look great.
You wear it well.
Shut the f*ck up, man.
I got a family, homie. You know that?
Two daughters, ese. Mi vieja.
How's my f*cking jefita
gonna see me, man?
She's gonna have
a f*cking heart attack.
You made me like this.
I did not do this, man.
You did this!
No, I did not. I did not do this.
My f*cking friend did that to you.
And he's not even my friend anymore.
He's a f*cking as*h*le.
But I'm gonna find him for you
and I'm gonna tell him,
“Important safety tip...
“we got to cut off the heads
before they come back to life.”
I'll tell him.
You tell him that, homie.
But I'm gonna show you
one last thing.
OK.
Oh, God. What are
you f*cking doing, guys?
Let's just talk about this?
Let's not do things we're
going to regret tomorrow!
You want to talk, homie?
You want to talk?
- Come on!
- I can't hear you.
You want to talk?
What do you want to talk about?
Oh, f*ck this. I'm gonna leave.
I'm just gonna get out of here.
- Ready?
- Oh, Jesus.
On three. On three.
On three. You ready? One.
Jesus f*cking Christ.
What the f*ck?
What the... What the f*ck?
sh*t.
What the...
Jesus. Do they do this
to me on purpose?
Hello.
sh*t.
OK. Oh, f*ck. Oh, f*ck.
Oh, my f*cking...
f*ck.
Joey? Joey?
Joey!
Oh, f*ck, Joey.
What the f*ck, Joe?
What the f*ck!
What the f*ck?
Who the f*ck would
do this to you, man?
What's that? What's that?
Mi... Miaow?
What? Who?
You gotta be kidding me.
You're such a d*ck.
Dude, what the f*ck?
Where'd you find this? Your purse?
I should have chopped off your head
when I had the chance.
Who the f*ck would do this to you?
Miguel. Miguel did this to me.
Miguel?
- Miguel?
- The gangbanger.
Oh, the gangbanger? What the f*ck?
I thought we k*lled him.
I told you we needed
to use more rocks.
You gotta get out of here
before they come here and do
a Daniel Pearl on your a*s too.
f*cking sh*t.
If anybody needs a belt
right now it's you?
Oh, f*ck, Joey.
What are we going to do?
What's that, buddy?
What's that?
Bart, you gotta k*ll me.
What's that?
You gotta k*ll me, man.
You want me to k*ll you?
I can't go through eternity talking with
a f*cking dildo on my throat.
How the f*ck...
Bart. Bart, you got to figure out
a way to k*ll me.
Figure it out.
I can't live like this.
I can't.
You gotta f*cking k*ll me, man.
You gotta k*ll me, Bart.
Joey...
I want you to know something.
I gotta tell you something.
Most people die before they ever get
a chance to tell people this sh*t.
I just want you to know that...
I love you.
I love you, Joe.
And I don't f*ck' mean that
in a g*y way.
It's a platonic thing, OK?
I don't care that you f*cked Janet, OK?
You're my best friend. I f*ck' love you.
I always have.
Alright, buddy, that's it.
That's it. It's all I had to say.
Goodbye, buddy.
You're my best friend,
you always will be.
I would always regret it
if I didn't tell you that.
f*ck.
f*ck!
Are you OK?
Hey!
Security code above...
levels four and five.
Security to levels four and five.
- Freeze!
- Security code...
ughnns
Ahhhh!
Arggh!
Stop what you're doing.
Freeze. Put your hands in the air.
Get on your knees.
Both hands in the air.
Show me your hands. Both hands.
I need to see both hands
in the air right now.
Hold your fire, hold your fire.
Show us your hands.
Hold your fire!
Fire! Fire! Fire!
They're awakening.
It is 6:15, precisely sunset.
Will everyone please step in?
You can see better.
They're just awakening now.
This subject...
98240...
was found in its lifeless state
at its previous place of employment
on September 17,
two months after initial death.
That night at the morgue -
and this is typical...
it resumed its animated state.
They called local authorities
who subdued it,
who then contacted the WHO.
DNA samples revealed this to be
the body of a man who died
more than 14 weeks ago.
Subject 984240.
Cutting off the heads during the day
when they are inanimate
has been sufficient, in most cases,
to keep the subject from rising again.
Subject 687002.
After testing on four subjects,
it was found that impalement alone
often does not prevent reanimation.
However, when used in conjunction
with decapitation,
seems to ensure permanent death.
Now, decapitation has
an interesting effect
while they're in the animated state.
This subject, 991560,
was decapitated four days ago
during the night while it was animate
and the head still fully functioned.
Well, it seemed to be fully aware.
Now, short of incinerating the head,
we don't know how to discharge it.
How is the infection transmitted?
We've not been able to show
any known aetiologies for this condition.
No-one's been able to isolate
a viral or bacterial infection
that would facilitate transmission.
DNA testing has shown
no genetic predisposition
for post-mortem reanimation.
We are looking at something
completely new.
Completely new?
Completely ancient.
Subject 9890052.
His corpse went missing
from the mortuary embalming room
for nine weeks.
We just recovered him this morning.
He might be the alpha infection subject,
meaning we don't know
how many others he might've infected.
And he's military.
Well, the lab results
haven't come back yet.
We believe that he is
Second Lieutenant Gregory, US Army.
Served three consecutive tours of duty
in Fallujah and Baghdad.
k*lled in battle October 8.
Lieutenant Gregory, is that right?
How did it happen, son?
Guess I just lost my way.
Army.
Good.
You'll have an advantage.
♫ You've come too late
for the party
♫ It started after the show
♫ The curtain fell
and the lights went down... ♫
♫ There's no-one left in the ballroom
♫ The only ones left inside
♫ Are the ghosts of all of the actors
♫ To whom you never have time
♫ To wish goodbye
♫ And now you see
♫ How it's gonna be
♫ And it's gonna be your nightmare
♫ And now you see
♫ How it's gonna be
♫ And it ain't no f*ck' picnic down here
♫ And if I find you
♫ Waiting here for me
♫ When I get back home
♫ And if I find you waiting
♫ Waiting on the other side
♫ With Kool-Aid and your Pumas on
♫ Trees in a blood-red sky
♫ The dirt smells like leaves
from last year
♫ I remember you standing there
♫ Just like the photo I took
♫ That I cannot look at anymore
♫ Stacked in shoeboxes by the fire
♫ Awaiting their destruction at my hands
♫ Empty shoeboxes burning higher
♫ Burning, blowing ashes in the sand
♫ And if I find you
♫ Waiting here for me
♫ When I get back home
♫ And if I find you waiting
♫ Waiting on the other side
♫ With Kool-Aid and your Pumas
♫ And you just arrived
♫ But you know
that you've been here before
♫ So pull out your knife
♫ And carve your steaming carcass
on the floor. ♫
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Revenant, The (2009)
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