V/H/S Viral (2014)

[bunniefuu]

- I love this place.

- Yeah, me too.

So strange though.

Why is it called a river?

That's uh... what it is.

Thank you.

It's dried up, you know. I actually used

to come here a lot when I was a kid.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- I used to ride my bike down there.

- It's our new spot.

What, you gonna steal

my childhood memories?

No. We'll just make new ones.

- Promise?

- Promise.

- Give me that thing.

- Uh-bup-bup... my camera, my show.

Besides, you're prettier than I am.

No fair.

- Don't show my face.

- Shut up.

Don't show my face.

- All right, give me that.

- No.

I am serious, little missy.

- You mess with the bull...

- Don't cry.

God!

I love it when you record me.

No, really, I do.

It means that you love me.

What color nail polish is that?

Since when do you care about...

g*dd*mn it, Kev. You know

when to turn that thing off.

sh*t.

Get out here now.

I told you not to leave your girlfriend's

damn bike in the damn driveway.

Little sl*t.

sl*t?

Kevin, why are you so fascinated

with this thing, hmm?

Don't keep me at arm's length, Kev.

I'm much more fun in the flesh.

And that's all you get.

- What the f*ck?

- Oh, God!

10:30 near downtown Los

Angeles a police pursuit.

You see that van there

that is just passing...

- Holy sh*t.

- Kev.

- That's just down the block.

- Are you going to talk about it?

Yes, let's talk about how awesome

this f*cking chase is! Look at this.

This is just down the street.

Put that thing down and

face what's going on.

What's going on? A crazy a*s

chase headed right for us.

What do you think is gonna happen?

You think that sh*t's gonna go viral?

- You're gonna become famous?

- I got... I have to go sh**t this.

It's sick, Kev.

- Put that thing down.

- Come on, baby, this is my chance.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a

part of something bigger than you?

Oh, sh*t!

It's here, it's here.

You made me miss it, f*ck!

- Kev!

- sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

sh*t...

- Jesus Christ, Grandma.

- You little pervert!

sh*t, you're gonna make me

f*cking miss... sh*t, sh*t.

f*ck, f*ck. I missed it.

Get back inside! It's not safe

out here. Are you filming me?

I'm on my property, man.

- I'm on my own property right now.

- Seriously!

We're able to see quite a few pedestrians

now gathering out on the streets...

Twitter and YouTube, where people can track

this whole thing and get in on the action,

get their special shots

of the driver...

The driver is driving

at such a high speed...

You definitely don't want to be out

there and make yourself a target.

Thank you, honey,

you made me miss it.

Iris, what the hell. I'm sorry.

Get back inside! I will tase your a*s if you

don't get inside right now, God dammit.

- Iris, get out of the street.

- I will get you off the street...

t's my girl...

Holy sh*t. Oh, my God. Iri... Iris.

Please come in and have a seat.

I'm detective Hughes. I'm gonna have

to record this conversation, okay?

- Uh, tell me your full name?

- My name is Scarlett Kay.

And what is your

occupation, Miss Kay?

I'm a magician's assistant

for Dante the Great.

The tape that you brought in to us,

where did you find that tape?

In his dressing room, there is a secret

compartment behind the breaker box.

Dante recorded everything.

He always needed an audience.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so

much for coming out to the show tonight.

The magician known as Dante

the Great was arrested today.

So just 2 years ago, Dante

the Great was John McMullen.

And he was living in a

trailer park in Atlanta

barely making ends meet,

couldn't pay the rent.

He would do tricks for all his

friends in the neighborhood.

And he was real good at it.

Cut the cards.

- All right.

- All right.

- Oh, yeah, that's the blue...

- Pretend like it isn't.

Figured out the trick.

Why don't you make some

beer appear? Be useful.

You know, you guys are real funny for

a bunch of unemployed m*therf*ckers.

Dante came in possession of a cloak.

Nobody is really sure

where he got the cloak.

So the rumors are that Harry Houdini

himself once owned this cloak.

And it frightened Houdini.

So he got rid of it.

Woo! Woo!

Well, there's no doubt that the

cloak changed Dante's life forever.

His shows were completely exclusive,

passwords, knocking on doors.

You got to know somebody

to even get a ticket.

That was the most amazing

show I've ever seen.

He picked my pocket.

From mid-balcony he picked my pocket,

from the stage!

I don't know how he did it.

We were in the show at

7 o'clock in New York.

- We walk out of the doors...

- We're in LA.

We're in LA. I... I...

I'm kind of f*cking pissed,

but I'm kind of like this is the

most amazing thing I've ever seen.

His illusions were on a different

level than anyone else.

Today's magic is dead.

You want to... you want to learn

the trick, go Google, go find it.

It's on Wikipedia.

You will never discover how I do it.

Hello, rabbit.

Firefighters arrived on the scene to

see heavy flames on the east side.

Not a lot of wind this afternoon, so

they're hoping to keep this contained...

No word of any injuries

or anyone inside.

We have an audience tonight,

so why aren't you working?

What?

What do you want from me?

The cloak's power comes

from what's inside it.

But he had to feed it and it

was only hungry for one thing.

Dante, oh, my God, turn it off.

It's not funny. Can you hand me a towel?

Seriously?

There were some people that went

missing that were close to Dante.

Some of his assistants,

no bodies, no evidence. Just gone.

Tell me what was your first

impression of Dante when you met him.

The first time I met him I was

auditioning for one of his shows

and I was really nervous.

He was my idol.

Oh, my God.

Scarlet... she's different.

I just know it was her and we

were meant to work together,

meant to be great together.

So you always wanted to

be a magician's assistant?

No, I wanted to be a magician.

I wanted to work with him

because I thought I would get to learn

how to do the tricks and the illusions,

but no one on the crew

knew how he did anything.

That was frustrating

to say the least.

Take five, guys.

I know that this can all be

very confusing to begin with.

It can take a lifetime of practice.

And you're... you're brand new.

Let's say, you and I just

put all this work aside

and tonight you have dinner with me.

What do you say? Hmm?

- No, I have... I have a thing.

- Cancel it.

He is picking me up in an hour.

Oh.

Clay is my ex-boyfriend.

When's the last time you

heard from Clay, Miss Kay?

A month.

How was your relationship with Clay?

Clay had a temper, but it

was okay. We were okay.

You weren't just an

employee of Dante, right?

I mean, you guys had some

kind of a relationship?

We became really close

working together.

How'd you do that?

I'll show you.

We are going to film this one, all right.

That was close. We're gonna try it again.

All right.

Now, on the count, one...

Look at that,

perfect sleight of hand.

- He was my friend.

- Just friends?

He was more than just my friend.

The tapes that Scarlett brought in

indicated several violent murders

that incriminated Dante

in the disappearance of

at least two of the magician assistants

and her ex-boyfriend Clay Bowland.

Were you aware that Dante

was going to confront Clay?

No.

Sit!

What a d*ck.

I'm sorry.

My shows are something that will

reveal from the darkness great light.

You'll come through doorways that

you didn't even know were there,

and see something unbelievable.

But you have to believe it because

it's right there in front of your eyes.

We're recording here.

Get on the stage!

Hands down!

All right, all right.

Are these guys with you?

No! No! No!

- I'm gonna need your badge number.

- You have the right to remain silent.

Keep rolling, keep rolling.

The cloak, when he

has it on, he's different.

I can assure you, it's nothing

magical, nothing supernatural.

It's just a sociopath.

Hold on to your tickets.

There's gonna be a big finale.

What I need right now

from you is the truth.

I can't have anymore

stories about magic.

I'm telling you the truth.

I know now that what he does,

they're not illusions.

It's magic.

There's no such thing as magic.

What is the first rule?

You never tell the brooms...

- how the trick is done.

- I saw what you did.

- What am I supposed to do with you now?

- I know you m*rder*d those women!

- It wasn't me.

- Not you?

What is it? What is that then?

Real magic.

Get down on the ground!

- Get down!

- Down! Down!

Gentlemen.

Welcome... to the show.

No!

Nothing up my sleeve!

Suspect down.

What the hell?

Ta-da.

What are you doing?

Scarlett, stop. Give that to me.

No!

Give me the cloak!

Scarlett!

Give it to me!

Don't make me do this!

Dante, please.

Dante?

I'm so sorry, my dear.

- I'm sorry, my dear.

- No! No!

- So where is Dante now?

- That's a great question.

I know our entire department

is looking for him.

We have gotten assistance from

the FBI. It's only a matter of time.

I like to think that

he is somewhere...

planning his comeback.

We talked, we talked few months back.

He missed me. He said he's

coming for a visit, he'll come.

He's coming. He always does.

He comes home.

Where did the cloak end up?

Nobody knows for sure.

We're down to this interchange...

LAPD right behind it.

We'll see which way he...

Iris, pick up your f*cking phone.

Help.

- Iris.

- Help, please.

Baby.

I don't know what

they're gonna do to me.

Baby, don't hang up,

don't hang up. Baby!

f*ck!

What the f*ck?

Hey, what are you doing?

You're gonna miss it.

Miss what?

Can you see it?

They're coming this way.

Oh, man.

See you on YouTube, b*tches.

Holy sh*t!

Look, there's another guy.

You got to help me.

They came back on the 110 freeway.

He's really picking up some speed.

Stop!

You little prick, you slowed us down!

I don't give a f*ck about you guys'

video, that thing took my girlfriend.

- Will you f*ck off already?

- You don't understand,

- it's coming back around.

- Yeah, no sh*t.

No, you're not listening to me.

It's going in circles on purpose.

Oh, sh*t!

No, oh, my God!

Let go! Let go!

f*ck!

Take my arm!

Grab him!

I can't get to him!

Grab him!

Shh.

There are reports now that there

might actually be a hostage situation

and so LAPD is going

in a surveillance mode.

Stupid girl's bike.

f*ck! sh*t,

he's turning around again.

f*ck, this can't be happening.

- Don't make fun of your brother.

- What's he going to do about it, huh?

One more strike,

he's back in for five to ten.

Now give me a burger before I give

you some matching eye shadow.

This thing has my girlfriend.

Please help me.

f*ck!

- You had the cojones to turn me in?

- I got your cojones right here.

Who the f*ck is that

m*therf*cker, eh?

- Lucy, where did you get the camera?

- Daddy. He has a truck full of them.

- I'm sorry!

- You brought that to my uncle's house?

Do something, Uncle Alberto!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Erase that.

Oh, my God, a huge

expl*si*n right below...

p*ssy!

Don't make it. Don't make it.

Trip, trip, trip, fall, fall.

- Don't make it. Don't make it. f*ck.

- Whoo!

Son of a... f*ck.

- Why are we sh**ting?

- Did you get that?

Uh, no. Oh, that was the one?

- Oh, no, dude, I wasn't rolling.

- Holy f*ck.

- Yeah, we got to go again.

- Did you get that?

What the f*ck, man? Your Craigslist ad said

you could operate that shitty a*s camera.

You said your skating

didn't suck d*ck.

- You guys are not allowed to be up here.

- Go back to your house.

Hey, you got that sh*t!

You got that sh*t.

f*ck.

That was so trill. All right, just

the focus, it was bad. So one more.

Get the f*ck out of here.

Three, two, one, action.

We are good.

All clear, big dog.

Jeez.

Did you get that?

Sorry, dude, the battery just,

like, fell out. We got to go again.

What the f*ck? What are

we paying you for, man?

Swear to God,

if you f*cked up my car,

- I'm calling the cops.

- f*ck you.

Get back in your car.

Merry Christmas, d*ck. Put 'em on.

- Oh, f*ck that.

- Those look stupid.

Then do this, and then do...

Well, you're gonna help

me out with a ride.

Hey, I got... I got a nice

vag*na just waiting for you.

Yeah, right.

I got the vag on head all day.

I got vag*na all day.

Do it, little homie.

Oh, man, are you okay, dude? My bad.

Semper fi comeback, dickhole! Hoo-ra!

I'm just directing a web series

right now about abused dolphins...

and then I freelance as a bartender.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

I'm coming. Keep fighting,

keep fighting. Keep punching.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Can't believe we got kicked

out for that sh*t, dude.

- I almost shot those dudes.

- Yeah, right.

If it was life or death you

would have left me chilling.

- You would have bailed...

- Not even...

Excuse me, do you have a dollar?

Nah, take this.

I bit the end, but... so...

I spent all my money on this

f*cking filmer guy over here.

I got a stogie left if you want it.

You need a light?

Oh, yeah. No problem.

- Fight the hobo! Bum fight!

- Dude, are you serious?

I go to sleep f*cked up not knowing

I peed in a bottle right next to me.

I wake up in the morning, like,

f*ck, I need water, you know.

Bro, I grabbed the bottle and

just gulp, gulp and then...

it still tasted like beer though.

There's this one time I went inside

this old '80s hardcore band,

these people were front flipping

and sh*t. All of a sudden...

Front flipping,

people were front flipping?

Oh, yeah, front flipping

into the crowd.

- See, I told you people can front flip.

- Oh, dude, shut the f*ck.

I look over and my homeboy's

like throwing kids,

like just throwing them

into the wall and sh*t.

Little kids? Throwing

little kids into the wall?

No, no, dude, they're like 20.

Boom! The fat guy's homie

or should I say brother.

- Was he bleeding?

- f*cking no.

I'm gonna f*cking p*stol whip the sh*t out

of you if you interrupt me one more...

Yeah, don't touch my sh*t.

Dude, we need a new f*cking

spot to finish this video.

My cousin told me about

this ditch in Tijuana.

He said it's always empty,

totally secret.

- You got gas money?

- I'm not paying.

Hey, hey, Sam!

- Hey, Sam!

- Dude, it's Shaun.

Whatever the f*ck. Come here.

When are we gonna

finish my skate video?

Uh, it's done. Hey, do you still

have your dad's credit card?

- Yeah.

- Dude, we cannot go to TJ.

You know that fool

Carlos in third period?

The cartel stuffed his

uncle in a barrel of acid.

Dude, let's go.

You can go and f*ck up

the filming some more.

Tijuana is fine now.

The drug dealers all left.

They got, they got fire crackers, they

got weed, they don't card for alcohol.

Get the big ones. Get the big ones.

Make sure they are

not a dud. Check them.

There you go. There you go.

There you go.

This is a very serious piece of

equipment. You have sex, keep it on.

This kid throws $20 for gas and

he gets the f*cking titty cam.

Now that goes for both of you.

If you have sex, keep your cameras on.

Oh, damn, what's up?

You want a swig of this?

Tell your sister to go home.

She's got syphil-herpe.

But the fact is faces

of death in jackass,

they sell more than every

skateboard video combined.

Yo, dude, do you know where we are?

- Do you know where the f*ck we are?

- I do not. I've been lost for hours.

Seriously, these

comebacks are boring.

Is that a f*cking earthquake?

I just survived a Mexican earthquake.

Hey, how often do you guys

clean your skateboard wheels?

This wasn't... what I was thinking

of, but you can skate this, yeah?

Yeah. No doubt.

Smells like your mom.

You all know how to climb fences?

Jason, did you turn on your camera?

- Oh, this whack a*s titty cam.

- Hey, guys, turn on your cameras.

- Ta-da.

- Turn on your camera.

It's been... f*ck off.

Pour some for the homies, gas money!

Whoa!

Hey, guys, uh... ooh!

Hey, dickhead, you think...

Oh, got a missed call.

Are we really gonna

start filming or what?

Oh, remember that one time you did a shitty

kick flip and got more views than porn.

It's a bunch of dog sh*t.

Dude, this place is weird.

I ain't going back.

We just walked 3 hours.

Something f*cking

worth showing people.

No one wants to see you guys go backward

and forward for 4 f*cking hours.

- Hey, hey, go on the barrel?

- The barrel?

- On top of the barrel and do a front flip.

- A front flip?

I don't want you to come off that

barrel until you do a front flip.

- This goes out to your momma.

- You be in the front.

That was the shittiest

front flip I've...

That f*cking camera

guy is weird, dude.

I know. He got this weird a*s look on

his face like he wants to touch me.

I want gas... gas money

kid's sister instead.

Do you want to be immortal or do you

want to be a giant vag*na monster?

I will front kick your as*h*le.

I know some chick,

she's all f*cked up at the park.

You know, on the bleachers

how they have gaps?

She fell between them like

the top one and boom, boom.

Yeah, that was real f*cking sad.

- Don't block your d*ck hand.

- At least your mom got two d*ck hands.

Ah! f*ck. f*ck.

Dude, dude, is that bleeding?

What the f*ck? Hot as my ba*ls.

What the f*ck?

Cool.

Where did she come from?

Is she a ninja? Are you a ninja?

- Dude, your sister followed us here.

- Hey, what's wrong with her?

Hey, I'm just... I'm just kidding.

Hey, my name is Taylor.

No, seriously, though I'm a director.

So if you want me to throw you

in some movies or something,

we could do that.

Hey, video guy,

your dad's a good singer.

Dude, let's bounce...

Oh, sh*t. What the f*ck?

- Oh, what the f*ck, dude?

- sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

Hey, I'm gonna sh**t one

of these m*therf*ckers up.

Oh, sh*t.

Get the f*ck off him.

Get off that kid.

Do what you got to do, man.

What am I doing?

Man, where are you going?

I don't know, man.

Dude, back up.

Dude, don't...

Oh, my f*cking God!

- Yo, is that fire blood?

- Yeah, definitely.

They got a disease.

Dude, use your g*n.

- What the f*ck!

- I only got one more b*llet.

Where the f*ck is gas

money kid going?

Oh, sh*t. Hey, hey, dog,

I think they k*lled gas money kid.

Don't talk, just fight.

b*tch... b*tch...

little f*cking b*tch!

Dude, they're everywhere.

What are you doing?

Oh, what... what...

Help, Doug, help!

What the...

What's up, m*therf*ckers!

f*ck.

Oh, f*ck that. Vamonos!

Thirteen m*therf*cker!

- f*ck! Hey, you all good?

- You were kind of crazy.

Hey, we k*lled a lot of fools.

k*lled a lot of fools.

Let's get the f*ck

out of here, psycho.

m*therf*cker, they k*lled gas

money kid and camera guy, man.

What the f*ck is...

Oh, sh*t.

Run!

Go under, dog, go under!

Hey, hold them off for me!

Help me f*cking, psycho.

What are you doing?

Just give me a second, fool.

Get the f*ck out of here!

Run!

Come on, m*therf*cker. Let's go!

We're not dead, m*therf*cker.

Don't stop till the border!

Hang on! I'm still rolling!

Me too. Let's go.

Hey, do you feel as bad as I do

about gas money kid and camera guy?

Yeah. Come on, dude!

- Something's slowing me down.

- Are you f*cking serious?

Police are warning it's a

very dangerous situation.

They are struggling to stay ahead of.

There are now reports of 11 fires

burning out of control across the city.

People should absolutely

be staying inside. Do not...

Stop the f*cking car. Please stop.

Trust me, baby, I, uh...

What the f*ck?

I need your help! I need your help!

You f*ck.

You keep going.

Don't worry about that.

Keep going. We could edit that out.

All right. And just ignore

the guy driving it.

Now just forget... don't...

don't even think about him.

Trust me, baby, I'm a pro at this.

Yeah, right there.

Oh, yeah, that's beautiful.

That's it. Take it slow, slow.

Slow gets them.

Slow is what sucks them in.

- Aren't you gonna join me?

- I only like to watch, baby.

Make sure you are in focus.

Yeah, they know they can't touch

you and it gets them even more.

- That's it, slow.

- You don't recognize me, do you?

I do this 8 days a week, baby.

I might have... I don't know.

I don't know why,

but I don't know how to...

- Now do you recognize me?

- What...

- What the f*ck? Turn around you...

- Sorry.

- f*ck with my rhythm.

- Sorry.

Okay. Now keep going. Keep going.

We could edit that out.

That's it, don't worry about anything.

- Yeah.

- We're in our own little sanctuary.

Yes, yes, round and slow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good.

- Yeah, you like this?

- Don't talk. It's better if you don't talk.

- Just show me.

- Okay.

Now that's it. Very good.

Nice and slow. Touch yourself.

Attagirl. Yeah.

- Camera. Now!

- What the f*ck?

Don't sh**t in my face.

Don't sh**t in my face.

I don't care about

your face, as*h*le.

Let's see that pretty body

of yours. Go ahead, strip.

- f*ck you, b*tch!

- Do it. Do it now.

How does it feel, huh?

Wow, you're the whole package.

I can't wait to introduce

you to my mom.

f*ck this sh*t.

100 bucks or no 100 bucks.

Keep driving.

Maybe I'll make your Ret*rded friend

strip next, huh? A little threesome.

What a turn on you are, yeah.

So good, baby.

Wait a second. I know you.

Millions of guys do,

thanks to your website.

It was your ex-boyfriend.

You shouldn't have dumped him, lady.

I didn't film you. All I did was

buy the footage for my blog.

Oh, don't. Please, don't.

Oh, lesson learned.

Loud and f*cking clear, man.

Oh, take it down.

My t*ts made you money.

So now I'm here for my cut.

Here's the good part. I bet people will

pay to watch me sh**t your d*ck off.

Want to see whose video gets more hits?

Let's make a hole in you and show them.

b*tch!

Come on, let's see that tongue out.

Get your tongue out like I told you.

You want me to do it now, b*tch?

Stick it out or I'll f*cking turn it purple.

Who's got you now, you smart a*s?

Hey, you want a cut?

Why are you so fascinated

with this thing?

I'm serious, little missy.

- You mess with the bull...

- Don't cry.

Yeah. It's our new spot.

What? You're gonna steal

my childhood memories?

No. We'll just make new ones.

- Promise.

- Promise.

Iris.

- Kev.

- Iris.

You're filming it, aren't you?

So good, baby.

That means you're a part of it.

- A part of what?

- We're gonna finish it.

What are you talking about?

I think you know.

It's been filming us the whole time.

What the f*ck?

Are you sick, Kev? We're all sick.

Oh, my God. What did I do?

Oh, my God. What the f*ck?

Iris, where are you?

- Iris, tell me you're okay.

- Just start the upload.

I can't... I can't.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a

part of something bigger than you?

You don't know what's happening out there.

There's videos, they f*ck people up.

Do it.

- Oh.

- Do it.

I can't. I can't do it. I can't...

Stop... For f*ck's sake...

- Do it.

- I can't. I can't do it.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a

part of something bigger than you?

- I don't understand what's happening.

- Do it!

No, stop. f*ck! f*ck! Wait,

wait, okay. Stop, stop. I'll do it.

f*ck.

What the f*ck? What did I do?

What the f*ck? What did I do?

You want it to go viral.

Jesus Christ. Stop. Stop.

Stop it. Stop.

This is gonna go viral,

this is gonna go viral.