01x01 - Part 1: Guilt

[bunniefuu]

[Rick sighing]

Hi.

I'm just gonna

tell you some sh*t

that I wish people told me

about 30 years ago before

I ended up like this.

So

Guilt.

Come on.

[Rick spitting]

If you feel guilt,

don't feel bad.

That actually means

you're, like, a good person.

You know,

hating yourself is natural.

You hate yourself

because you said yes

when you meant no.

My whole f*cking life is that.

Saying yes when I meant no,

no when I meant yes.

Carrying around guilt.

And that's why

psychos run the world.

'Cause they don't give a f*ck.

They don't feel guilt.

They don't give a sh*t.

They'll f*cking k*ll anybody,

You know, and nice people,

we should be k*lling them

but we don't 'cause

we can't deal with the guilt.

Alright, and what do psychos do?

They stay in power

by k*lling loud, nice people.

Martin Luther King. Loud. Nice.

I know he banged a bunch of

broads, who gives a f*ck?

The guy was f*cking up there,

crushing it.

If nice people start

k*lling psychos, OK,

maybe then you wouldn't have a

swirl of trash the size of Texas

in the middle of

the f*cking Pacific Ocean.

Do we work on that? No. 'Cause

there's psychos in the world

and all they end up doing is trying

to keep improvin' golf equipment

so these man-titted

f*cking c**ts

can keep a ball on the fairway!

[funky synth rock instrumental]

[man and woman panting]

I'm close. WOMAN: Yeah?

- Yeah.

- c*m wherever you want.

What?

I want you

to c*m wherever you want.

Really? WOMAN: Yeah, baby.

OK.

I'm cumming.

[man grunting]

[man panting]

[woman panting]

Did you just c*m on my mom?

[man sighing]

I want a divorce.

Get out.

Now.

- You said I could

c*m wherever I want.

Get the f*ck out, now!

And don't you dare go

anywhere near her out there.

[man panting]

[romantic music]

.Jake.

RICK: If you mess up,

and you feel guilty,

that means you're a good person

and just try to do better.

Apologize and try to do better,

but don't let somebody let you

Try to make you carry that sh*t

around for the rest of your life, you know.

Unless you took out a bus full

of old people, then, I mean,

I don't know what to tell you

at that point, you know?

I mean you f*cked up for life.

You should

probably k*ll yourself.

[chair squeaking]

[chair continuously squeaking]

[eerie music]

If you are watching this video,

I have been m*rder*d

by the liberal elites.

They will do any and everything

to keep the truth from spreading.

I don't have much time left.

I have uncovered the epicenter

of a human trafficking ring

led by the uber-rich

using third-party online sales.

These sick f*ck

are packaging industrial-level,

high quality furniture

with kidnapped women

from around the world

including our own US soil.

The names of the furniture

match the names of

the missing kidnapped women.

[chair squeaking]

Here, drink this.

It's OK. You're safe now.

[chair squeaking]

[chair continuously squeaking]

[eerie music]