01x01 - Bad Water

[bunniefuu]

- [wheezing]

[upbeat funky music]

♪ ♪

- [scatting]

♪ ♪

[scatting]

♪ ♪

- Oh, yeah.

- I mean, this is a big area
- for me.

Sure, I've got claws and teeth

and yeah, a primal urge

to k*ll,

I mean, all the basic

cheetah stuff,

but that's not who I am.

I didn't ask to be a predator.

Can't I just be Glenn?

I mean, am I crazy here?

[flies buzzing]

Carl, you son of a b*tch.

You're right!

I gotta evolve.

Starting now,

no more going primal.

Well, gotta cut it short.

I'm seeing Marny tonight.

[laughs nervously]

You don't mind if I just...

[sniffs]

[insects buzzing]

"You're perfect

just the way you... aardvark."

- Aww.
- Thanks, Carl.

You keep me going.

- Ooh.
- Heyo.

- Oh, that's cool.
- They have my size.

[laughs nervously]

There we go.

Really great session today.

Put it on my tab, Carl.

[bell dings]

[g*nsh*t]

[sighs]

[upbeat music]

- [squish]
- Whoa!

Sweet rig, Darby!

- [chuckles]

Oh, you noticed.

- [engine revs]
- Souped her up a little bit.

- Love the paintjob.

Super metal.

- What?
- What the...

- [groans]
- f*cking humans.

- [squishing]
- [grunts]

Well, all she needs now

is a sick-a*s hood ornament.

- [epic announcer voice]
- And there's only one place

To get it.

- Someplace... bright?

- The mall!

Wanna come with?

Go shopping, go primal,

m*rder some humans.

- Come on, you in?
- What do you say?

- Yeah, I'm not, like, um,

really doing primal right now.

- And I can't go
- because someone's got plans.

With Marny.

- Tonight's the night, huh?

- [growls]
- [chirps like a dolphin]

[laughs]

And she knows it's a date

this time, right?

- Like, the word "date"
- has been uttered?

- Yeah, no, totally.

I mean, of course.

- [laughs]
- Sort of.

- Well, whatever it is,

I'd lose the dead flowers.

- What?
- The flowers are... totally dead!

What?

- I just picked these
- five minutes ago!

- Hmm, hmm.

- Oh, yeah.
- This water's toxic as hell.

[grass sizzles]

- Toxic?

We have to get to Marny ASAP!

- Don't drink that!
- It's toxic!

[frantic music]

Don't paint that!

It's toxic!

Don't date him!

He's toxic!

- [hisses]

- Marny.
- Marny!

Oh, no!

I'm too late!

- Up here, Glenn.
- [gasps]

- Marny!
- You're alive.

- Yeah, I was just swimming

around my tank,

bored out of my skull,

when the most

amazing thing happened.

The water turned

to burning acid!

- I had to get out before I died.
- [whimpering]

- Now I get to be a land animal
- like you guys.

- Think I'm getting
- this walking thing down.

- Oh, f*ck.
- No, I don't.

- [yelps]
- Oh, wow!

- Okay, you're drying out
- pretty quickly,

So we need to get you

back in the tank ASAP.

Don't you wanna be alive

- for our date
- slash low-key friend hang

- Slash whatever
- you wanna call it

Or what did you call it?

- Oh, cool.
- Is that tonight?

- Amazing.
- Who else is coming?

- [coughs]

- Yeah, I was just thinking

maybe, like, me and you,

no one else?

- Ooh, maybe we go hiking.

- Totally!
- Awesome.

Yeah, first I just wanna fix

the whole water situation.

- Darby, how do we fix
- the water situation?

- Well, if all the water

in the zoo's like this,

then we're gonna need

a new water filter.

- [epic announcer voice]
- And there's only one place

To get it.

- Paul?
- Who's Paul?

- What? No!
- Viv, the mall.

- Oh!

Pass.

[gulps]

[exhales]She's dying

- Land money.

f*ck yeah!

- She sounds fine to me.
- Come on, Debby.

- Can't you at least
- just keep an eye on Marny?

- [yelps]
- Ugh.

I really wish I could,

but I promised Billy

- he and the boys could practice
- their nail technique on me.

Sorry.

- Oh, what kind of friend

are you, Debby?

- I guess the kind of friend

- who supports
- Billy's professional dream

Of opening a first-class spa.

- I'll go.
- I never get to go.

Yah!

- Not now, Hudson.

Come on, Bamboo.

- Do us a solid and we'll get you
- something from the mall.

- [squeaks]

- Here's what
- you're gonna get me.

A Takaji X-12 home muscle,

orbital 360, non-gravital

executive massage chair.

- [squeaks]
- In black.

- Uh, no.

- Fine.

Get me some sunglasses.

- [whispers]
- Make sure they black.

- Okay, deal.
- Did you hear me?

- I can fight.
- [grunts]

- I can do it!
- Enough, Hudson.

- You know you're banned
- from the mall,

And you know why.

[bell tolls]

- Rest in peace, Lionel.

- All right.
- Come on, Vivs.

We need your claws in case

mall humans try to k*ll us.

Plus, you need H2O

just like the rest of us.

- Sorry, Darby, but I got

all the H2O I need right here.

Plus H2X, Yellow Triple-6,

- Dear God.
- What in the...

- Damn, girl.

- [belches]
- I'll go!

I need more dynamite.

Ah!

- [grunts]
- [all gasp]

[cans clattering]

- [growls]

To the Paul!

[upbeat music]

- I'm thinking something
- that really makes the hood pop,

You know?

Like antlers

or maybe a Pegasus.

- Can't this go any faster?

- [sighs]

You need to relax, bud.

Here.

Hit this.

- You can if you want.

- [gasps]

Man, how are you not

freaking out right now?

- We're going
- to the mall, baby,

- Where, by the way, you could
- get a sick-a*s gift

- For your low-key friend bang
- or whatever tonight.

- A gift.

- You're perfect

the way you aardvark.

- Yeah.

I'll get her the perfect gift.

- That sh*t good, right?
- [yelping]

- You say something, Viv?
- [slurps]

[breathing heavily]

- Wow.
- She's really tweaking.

- Yeah, that's why I don't f*ck
- with Zerp.

It's hardcore sh*t.

Hey, where's the toad?

Lick, lick, pass, buddy.

- Ugh, this is so boring!

- You wanna do feet stuff,

this is the best feet stuff.

- There's, like,
- a million things I wanna do!

Hey, I've never k*lled a human.

Maybe we could do that?

Start simple.

A small, injured one.

- [squeaks]

- Damn, girl!

- Your skin is straight-up gross
- as hell.

Deb, no offense, but f*ck this!

The ground is calling me.

[yelping]

- Ugh, screw it.

- Look, more ground!

- [squeaks]

- Fine!

I'll go get her.

But this doesn't count

against my hour,

so don't try me.

[tense music]

- All right.
- Remember where we parked.

Next to the bottomless chasm,

just past the mass grave.

- And don't forget to be quiet
- and stealthy.

- We don't wanna attract
- the attention of any humans.

Got it?

Guys?

- [moaning]

Need... Zerp...

- What you need
- is to ask yourself

Some hard questions, Viv.

- Well, let's go shopping.

♪ ♪

- [grunting]

My legs.

[laughing hysterically]

- That's it, boys.

Cover her from head to fin.

- Ugh, who am I kidding?

I'm not built for feet.

- Feet are overrated.

I'm telling you, Marny,

as someone who's seen

and done everything,

and I mean everything,

there's nothing I'd rather do

than just chill in the pool

all day.

- You're living the dream
- in that tank.

- [sighs]

- I just wanna taste
- the land life

Now and then, you know?

I bet Glenn's having

the best time ever at the mall.

[tense music]

- [whimpering]

[yelps]

- [sighs]
- Lionel.

[bell tolls]

Sleep fast, good friend.

[metal groaning]

[gasps]

[gulps]

[whimpers]

[yelps]

- Come on, baby, baby,

baby, baby.

- Glenn!

- f*ck! My God.

- All right, which is a more
- sick-a*s hood ornament?

- This plasma globe or...
- You're not gonna believe this...

An actual sick a*s?

- Can we please just get

the water filter to save Marny?

- What about the gift?

- Forget the gift!

We came here for one reason

and one reason only:

to save Marny!

- Hey, there's

that Primal Glenn

I've been looking for!

- I'm not going f*cking primal!

- I just wanna get outta here
- before we're m*rder*d by...

Oh, my God, the perfect gift.

- I've got your perfect gift
- right here.

- Ugh.

f*cking humans.

Stay back, freaks!

- We prefer

"genetically refined."

Don't we, other, scarier head?

- Eh.
- Just "freak" is fine with me.

- Viv, quick.
- Claws.

- [groaning]

- Ah, man.

All, right, hu-morons.

You better scram,

unless you wanna tangle

with the most vicious, savage,

bloodthirsty predator around,

Primal Glenn!

- [roar]
- [yawns]

Hey, fellas.

I'm actually sorta working

through some stuff,

like maybe I'm not a predator.

Maybe I'm perfect

the way I am... vark.

- Who knows
- what I'm talking about?

Let's see some hands.

- Handsy gets it.
- Up top.

- Ow!
- Ow.

[dreamy music]

- [laughing]

[both laugh]

Come on, Glenn.

- I'm a cheetah dolphin.

- Whee!

Oh, Glenn.

Let's...

- Acknowledge me!
- Hudson?

- What the f*ck
- are you doing here?

- I said I'll f*ck
- these mutants up!

- [muffled]
- Hudson, not now!

- Oh, God!

- They made Darby
- the hood ornament.

- Bad doggy.

- Go primal!

You need to go primal, Gle...

- [w*r cry]

[yelps]

[drum roll]

- Dear God, no.

[expl*si*n booms]

[intense music]

[grunting]

[screams]

- f*ck yeah!

- [growling]

[grunting]

[screams]

[grunting]

♪ ♪

[screams]

- [grunts]

[gulping]

[belches]

[screaming]

- announcer: Side effects
- may include...

f*ck it, who cares?

- Oh, kitty.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- I'm sensing
- a lot of unresolved anger.

- [screams]

- f*ck yeah!

- [screams]

- Release me.

- [breathing heavily]

- [breathing heavily]

[gulping]

- [retches]

- Ew, gross, dude.

[belches]

- Years of therapy

down the drain.

Carl's gonna be so pissed.

- Man, f*ck Carl.

Primal Glenn kicks a*s.

Embrace it.

It's a gift, dude.

A f*cking gift.

- [gasps]

Darby, you son of a b*tch.

A gift.

- Oh, Glenn.

It's perfect.

- Yeah, I just figured
- this way,

You could be a land animal

whenever you want.

- Yeah, what's more land animal

- than lying on my a*s all day
- doing nothing?

- And look.

I got a second one, you know,

for our low-key friend hangout

or whatever.

f*cking hell!

- Oh, my God, I love this.

Billy boys!

- I've got 20 minutes left
- on the clock.

Let's see some hustle.

- Mm.
- Yeah, baby.

- Ah!

- Can't have
- a low-key friend hang

- Without all our friends,
- you know?

- [snarling]

Yeah, the more the merrier.

- You, me,
- and the entire f*cking zoo.

- Thank God
- everything's back to normal

And everyone's safe and sound.

- [screams]

[shuddering]

- [laughs]

- All right, boys.

Let's go enjoy

this sick-a*s day.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

- [yelps]

- [laughs]

[engine revving]