02x06 - The Wedding

[bunniefuu]

What the...?

Okay.

Ah, there's my
beautiful cyborg fiancé.

Well, this
doesn't just happen, Henry.

And what are you doing here?

We said that we would spend
our last unmarried night alone.

Well, I came for a kiss, but I
guess I'll just go home then.

No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.

You're already here. I
mean, don't be cruel.

It's so surreal that we
fantasized about this day

for so long, and
finally it's here.

Like, today is the day,

and every day we're gonna
wake up after this day

and remember that
this was this day.

On today.

Are you high?

A little.

Aw.

Want to do it one
last time in sin?

Pretty sure the people
who think it's a sin

think every time we
do it's a sin, so...

- Yes, definitely.
- Well... oh.

Ugh.

Sorry, I was thirsty.

Seems to be your M.O. lately.


Really? Would you two
just talk it out already?

I'm trying to,
Henry, but he's being

- a total...
- A total what?

It's your special day,

so I'm gonna be
the bigger person

and put my feelings aside.

Hold for applause.

See, Henry, how
immature he's acting?

No, I'm getting
married today, Lil.

So I'm not investing
in this drama.

I need 24 hours,
or more, of peace.

That's what I'm
saying. I'm saying...

This isn't about you!

And I know that might be
hard for you to comprehend,

so maybe just don't talk today.

Let that be my wedding gift.

Well, I already got you the
Breville Barista Express

from your registry, which
was the most expensive item.

And there you go,
ruining the surprise.

- Okay, guys, stop it.
- You know what,

I'll just get her the water.

- He's probably gonna spit in it.
- Probably.

I can't believe this has been
going on for two weeks now.

We've never fought
like this. Ever.

I don't know what to do.

Nick already forgave me, and...

- Jorgito just can't.
- Hey, Lil,

when we get back
from our honeymoon,

I promise to help
expedite a reconciliation.

Okay?

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

It'll be okay.

Here.

Bye.

Hey-hey, what are
you guys doing here?

No time to discuss.

Yeah, Doc, we're
already two minutes late.

You're two minutes late.

Sorry, boss.

What's going on?

We're the wedding coordinators.

Assistants. I'm in charge.

Sol's mom Claudia and I did this

for Beatriz's wedding
when she married Jorge.

Delgados show up for
each other on big days.

And today I pass the baton
to Sol, the next generation,

even though we're
basically the same age.

- Aren't you forty...
- Shh.

- Right.
- Don't.

We need to
make sure that our boy

has the wedding of his dreams

and that everything
goes down on time.

Your family is so special, I...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A
little less of this,

little more of, "Huh?
What? What can I do?"

Okay, first on the
docket: los abuelos.

We need to prepare for
abuelita and the curse.

Uh, I'm sorry, the curse?

She's convinced there's
a ridiculous curse

that strikes every
family wedding.

Can't prove her wrong.
Some people are just

more sensitive to the
spirit world than others.

Well, do we have a solution?

Yeah, she's gonna spray
holy water everywhere

and fight the curse.

A real solution, Chuey.

Yes, I've already
talked to Beatriz.

She's gonna be her
shadow all morning

till we get to the venue,
then pass her off to Lisette,

and all of us will just
have a dewy holy water glow.

Excellent. Miles,
you're on abuelo duty.

- Ah, I'm on it. I love spending time with Luis.
- Perfect.

Here.

What's this for?

Just in case
the curse is real.

'Cause it is.

Oh.

Come in.

Morning, gorgeous.

Oh, a handsome man with coffee?

Is there anything better?

- Oh, I also brought scones.
- Oh, my favorite.

- Thank you, baby.
- Hey.

So, you seen Jorge this morning?

Not yet.

- You want to talk about it?
- Not really.

In fact, I'm stressed
and need a distraction.

Well, I can be that distraction.

Sometimes it's better
to give than receive.

Huh?

That'll wake you up.

¿Todo bien?

You need me to steam
your dress again?

I can't believe our
baby's getting married.

Oh. It feels like just yesterday

we were dropping Jorgito
off at kindergarten.

Oh, he was so handsome
in his little blazer.

Remember, he asked to
borrow my cuff links

so he could
accessorize properly?

And they were too big,

so he had to use my earrings.

And we were so worried

'cause he didn't
want to go to school,

but once we got
there, he just...

took off and never
even looked back.

Some things never change.

We will never stop
worrying about them.

Doesn't it feel like
Jorgito getting married

means we're being
fired as parents?

Like, "Good job, Mom
and Dad. You're done."

But I don't want to be done.

Oh, no. I feel tears
coming.

I'm gonna just start bawling
at that ceremony, I know it.

I don't want to be that mom.

My mom was that mom.

Okay, all right,
first things first.

There will be no crying today.

- Okay.
- Secondly,

they can never fire us from
being parents. We're tenured.

They will always need us.

Okay? Okay?

You need a hug?

- Mm-hmm.
- Aw.

I know, I know.

¿Qué pasó?

Whoa, slow down there, GQ.

You walking the
runway this morning?

What happened? Can't
I look put together

for breakfast with my son?

Nah, not this put together.

A new guayabera, new hat.

- Is that my cologne you got on?
- I'm just saying,

you never know who
you might run into.

Me. I'm the only one
you're gonna run into.

Or am I?

Yeah, that smile has me

both excited and afraid.

Well, mijo, if there's
an upside to aging,

it's that when a man gets older,

he has a lot more free
time to pursue his passion.

And as the world knows, your
papi is very light on his feet.

Yeah, the whole world can't
stop talking about it.

That's why I started
taking dance classes.

Give the people what they want,

and what they want see is
this silver fox get down.

Dance class? Wow.

- That explains the fit.
- Yeah, I've gone a few times,

and it's great, and it's
good for the ol' ticker.

Plus, there's lots
of lovely ladies.

Actually, I was, uh, thinking

you come down with me today,

and I can introduce
you to one of them.

You trying to set me up?

No. This one's mine.

What? ¡Papi!

That's great. I'm
so happy for you.

Finally getting back out
there, taking your own advice.

Yeah, turns out I know
what I'm talking about.

- So you'll come?
- Say no more.

I'll be there later.

Play your cards right,
I'll save you a tango.

Make it a bachata and I'm in.

Dios, por favor,
give us the strength

to get through
today in one piece,

and make it a beautiful
day for Henry and Jorge,

and that nobody dies.
Please make sure

that the family is strong,

that I look the best
in the wedding photos,

and if there's a band
member that's hot

and I get some,
that's also fine.

We can sidebar about
that later. Amen.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Okay, everybody take a breath.

I'm sure it's fine in there.

This is his first
Diaz wedding, huh?

- Mm-hmm.
- Obviously.

- Well...
- Please.

- Okay.
- Okay.

This is a disaster!

Should we go back outside?

You're in now, baby.
There's no getting out.

Okay, is someone gonna

- help me or are we gonna talk?
- Yes, yes, we're helping.

I'm serious, if I can't find
it then the wedding's ruined.

Are we gonna just stand there?

Okay, everyone, let's settle.

- What color...
- It's black!

¡Oye, gente!

Big day, lots going on.

I've been preparing
Sol for this day

since the moment they were
born. Baby, you got this.

- Take it away.
- Thank you, tía.

I need everyone to stop what
they're doing and listen up.

Jorge, go upstairs and relax.

Oh, great. I would love to, Sol,

but I can't find the black box,

and if I can't
find the black box,

I can't do my special
thing I'm supposed to...

On it! Go relax.

Damn. Okay.

Was that too much?

No, I love this on you.

Good, because I'm
drunk with power, baby!

Today is going to be the
best day of your life.

And suddenly, a wave of calm
has rushed over me. Carry on.

What's the status
of the centerpieces?

Where are the favors
with the Jordan almonds?

Who got the boutonnieres?
I need answers, people!

It's like watching
a baby bird fly.

But seriously,
people, come on now!

And now we feel our
muscles reawakening

as we take note of
our surroundings,

and slowly return
to the present.

I'm so much more relaxed, Henry.

Thank you.

That healed some
childhood wounds.

Oh. I live to serve.

Dad, would you like kale
in your green juice?

Please, son.

On it.

Guys, you are the guests.

I'll get the mats when I'm
done with all the green juices.

You are the best, man.

I mean, what groom is
calmly making juices

for his wedding party on
the morning of his big day?

You're so right. I
mean, this day is huge.

Yeah, there will literally
never be more attention on you

than when you're walking
down that aisle.

I mean, if it were me, I
would be on the toilet.

Gross. But, yeah. He would be.

Hey, Chuey, what are you doing?

You're supposed to be putting
the centerpieces in the car.

Jorge's still freaking
out about some random box

- he can't find.
- Okay, okay.

Let's think this
through, all right?

Where would Jorge
hide something?

Oh, when he was younger,
he used to hide his weed

underneath the bathroom sink,
in a box labeled "waxing kit."

Maybe go to the apartment,
see if he still does that?

Don't ask me how I know that.

I didn't steal his weed.

- I stole his weed.
- Órale.

Yeah, you did.

Nick, go see if it's
there, but make sure

Henry does not see it.

The next time I see you
will be at the wedding.

Go.

Copy that. I feel
like an FBI agent.

You are so good at this, Sol.
You should do this for a living.

Or, you know, stay a doctor
and treat cancer patients.

- Nick.
- Got it, Dr. Investigator.

Mujer, this isn't a taquito.

Now I can't even
have some pan dulce?

That's right, the curse
can come from anywhere.

Abuelo, she's right.

Remember Rogelio's
wedding in '87?

He took one bite of
the huevos rancheros,

he got so violently ill,

he threw up all over
that flower girl.

Oye. I was that flower girl.

Oh. Dang, tía.

He just had a nervous stomach.

No, it was the
curse, and I know it.

Abuela, it's fine.

Sol, we have to be vigilant.

Something is going to
go wrong. It always has.

This is so much more
exciting than WASPy weddings,

where people just drink a lot
and don't talk to each other.

Also, everyone has sad affairs.

Is that just my family?

Anyway, h-how did this
curse get started?

Oh, well, mami is convinced
that the curse started

because her bisabuela married
for money and not for love.

She lived a very pampered
but very miserable life.

And something's gone wrong
at every wedding ever since.

Y'all, that is not the vibe.

Okay. Well, she
did marry for love.

She loved money.

Okay, I got her. Mami, let's go

bless the rest of the
house with holy water.

I'll bless it all
over the place.

- Okay.
- Thank you, tía.

Mmm. It
tastes good to me.

Luis, my man. You
ready for some chess?

- Sure.
- All right.

Okay, how can I help?

Go check on Jorge.

I don't think I should do that.

He's still upset with me.

- Still?
- Yeah, he literally told me

to steer clear of him today.

Weirdly, I feel like

avoiding drama is
causing more drama.

Okay, well, we can't have

a groom-zilla situation,
so if you want to help,

go grab some nice champagne

- for the limo ride, okay?
- On it!

Ooh, ooh, ooh, if you're
going to the grocery store,

- will you grab me a Kit Kat?
- Okay, okay.

- And a Red Dog.
- Ooh, I'll take a Red Dog, too.

- Oh, and-and an Almond Joy.
- Almond Joy?

I'm in love with the coco.

Two Almond Joys.

You know what? I-I'm s... Bye.

Oh, wow.

This is like if the Headspace
app were a real place.

- Hi, Nick.
- Hi, Nick.

Not today, boys. What
are you doing here?

Uh-oh. Did Jorge get cold feet?

Oh, and by the way,

his feet are always cold

because his body
temperature runs low.

Aw, look at that. You guys
are perfect for each other.

Everything is fine.

Jorge just left something.
I'm here to pick it up.

Mind if I pop into your
bathroom real quick?

- Yeah, go ahead.
- Great.

Oh, Gladys, you sexy genius.

- Did you get what you need?
- Yeah, all good.

Cool.

Uh, hey, buddy, everything okay?

Okay? Is everything okay?

It's incredible. I
couldn't be happier.

I'm so excited and so
calm, all at the same time.

Okay, well, it's just
that you keep scratching

the back of your neck, and
it looks a little red there.

I'm sure it's nothing,

but I guess it does
feel a little itchy.

Uh, would you mind
taking a look?

Yeah. Yeah, totally.

Oh, my... Mmm.

Is there a rash?

Uh, you know, that depends.

Have you been in a fire lately?

No.

Definitely a rash.

What? Wha...

Why? No!

I mean, I am prone

to anxiety rashes, but
only when I'm stressed,

and I'm definitely not stressed.

I'm fine. I have
everything under control.

Oh.

No. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- Nice to see you, too.
- Not today.

What do you want
from me, universe?

I made my peace.

Yeah, seems like
you're real peaceful.

Santi, today's a rough day.

My brother's about to get
married in three hours,

and the last thing I
need is to run into you.

Right. Uh, so, how about
we pretend we didn't

run into each other, yeah?

No. This is obviously
supposed to happen,

so let's just get it over with.

- Can I help you find...
- Not now!

Sorry.

Okay, stuff was left unsaid,

so I'm gonna say stuff, and
we're gonna have closure.

Sure.

The last time I
saw you, we kissed.

My brother saw it, and
it blew up my life.

Yeah, I was there.

It was a huge mistake

because I'm with someone
I really care about,

and I'm really happy, and
now we can't be friends,

and that's the
crappy bed we made,

and now we're lying in
it, and that's that.

Did I cover it all?

You did.

Good.

It was good to see you.

I'm glad you're happy.

Okay, your move.

¿Y este para que sirve?

Ah, testing me. I like it.

Uh...

Esa pieza va diagonal.

Gracias, Gabriel.

I'm Miles, Luis.

Of course.

Of course.

I know
that this frightens you,

but you have me.

And Sol. And Marta.

You have all of us.

We love you so much.

I can't...

always remember who you are...

but I do always remember

that I like you.

That's good enough for me.

Oh, and by the way...

Checkmate.

I don't get it. You know, I
have no reason to be anxious.

This is literally the
best day of my life.

Don't. No, no scratching.

Buddy, hey, it's
okay. It's a big day.

But today's not just about
starting your life with Jorge.

It's also about expectations,

of friends, family.
It's a lot of pressure.

I guess I just always defer to

wanting to make sure everyone
else is doing well, you know?

Yeah.

Like, you know, I'm
okay if they're okay.

But today, I've
spent so much time

worried about everyone
else being okay,

that it didn't occur to me
that maybe I'm not okay.

- Oh, God, am I not okay?
- No, hey,

you are okay. It's
just an emotional day.

Yeah, that's it. Big emotions.

That's right. Hey,
you know what?

Today, I'm gonna be your "you."

All right? I'm gonna
be the "Henry."

I'm gonna make sure
that you're okay. Okay?

God, you're such a
good friend, Nick.

- No, come on.
- I get why Jorge loves you so much,

'cause now I love you, too.

Buddy, I love you, too.

I... Hmm.

You're looking at
my rash, aren't you?

Yeah. I'm gonna get
all the Cortizone.

Please do.

One bottle? I was
expecting four, minimum.

Okay. What's going on?
Whatever it is, you have

a minute and 14 seconds
before we get in the limo.

Okay. I just ran in to Santiago.

Not this. Not today.

I know. I keep trying to
shut the door on that,

but it feels like the universe
keeps pushing us together.

Okay, Lily, I hate to
have to ask you this,

but I need you to lean
into eldest daughter mode,

and just shove all
those feelings down

for the sake of everyone else.

We can talk about this tomorrow.

You're right. Yes. Shoved down.

Okay.

Okay, I'm ready.

I don't want her in the limo.

What?

I don't want Lily in the limo.

Yeah, you do.

This arrangement
was per your wishes.

Yeah, the three
of us in the limo,

drinking champagne on the
way to your lavish wedding,

just like you've dreamed
of since you were 12.

Well, dreams shatter.

Jorge, seriously?

I need a calm space.

I've been an angel.

I bought your
favorite champagne,

and I'm carrying your clothes.

Well, that's very nice
of you. Thank you.

Sol and I will be enjoying it

on the way to my
wedding. See you there.

Jorge, we talked about
this day our whole life.

You're really going to
let one little fight

get in the way of that?

One little fight.
There you go again.

- One little fight.
- Yes, get over it!

- It's not a little fight.
- Enough! Hey! Hey! Hey! Enough.

Get your booties
in the limo. Now!

- I'm about to throw your coat.
- You're not even invited.

Move.

- ♪ Say you love me ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

- ♪ Oh, baby ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

- ♪ I got to know ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

- ♪ Yeah ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

- ♪ Stop fooling around ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

- ♪ And acting like ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

- ♪ A child ♪
- ♪ You love me ♪

Yes! Nick, this is crazy.

♪ Shout ♪

♪ But I don't know ♪

Ugh.

Oh, I don't know what's
going on between you two,

but it ends right now.

No, I know. You're adults.

But you're our kids.

And this is a huge day,

and we are all going
to be happy about it

and love each other.

- Well, she started it.
- He won't end it.

Oh, my God.

- On my wedding day.
- You are always so stubborn.

- How rich. How rich.
- You refuse to listen.

That is enough.

¡Ya basta!

Kids, couch, now.

Oh, my God.

If you are gonna
act like children,

we are gonna treat
you like children.

No.

I gave that to Goodwill.

Surprise. I bought it back.

Oh, yeah, it's the
Get-Along sweater,

and you two are
putting it on now.

Dad.

- Mamá, por favor, no...
- Please, just...

Oh, no, no, no, no!
We are dead serious.

But my hair...

- No, my hair.
- No, my hair.

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah,
ah. You know the drill.

Arms up.

sh*t.

Just put your arm up.

Hey, you all right?

Yeah, yeah.

Ready to get
your groove on?

Look, if you start
twerking, I'm out of here.

I like to think I'm very
classy about my twerking.

So, where's she at?

All right, just chill.

You know, you're
k*lling my mojo.

No sh*t.

Hola, guapo.

Hola, preciosa.

Dang.

Oh, my God, you must be Santi.

I am so happy to
finally meet you.

I'm even happier to meet you.

I'm so glad he has someone
to dance with again.

And he's got moves, too.
Eh, eh, eh.

Although this is the one place
we don't get to dance together.

Wait, what do you mean?

Oh, you didn't tell him?

Uh-oh. Okay.

Everyone, take your positions.

Class is about to begin.

Oh, hot for teacher, huh?

Ah, sí, señor.

This is ridiculous.

Ridiculous fights
have ridiculous ends.

We're gonna be right outside.

You try to take that
sweater off on your own,

and it will mess up your hair.

Oh, yeah.

Are you happy now?

This is supposed to be
the best day of my life,

and yet, here I am,

trapped in this
f*cking ugly sweater

with the messiest
b*tch in the Northwest.

Oh, we're crying now?

I'm sorry. What do
you want me to do?

What do you need from me?

'Cause I can't take you
being mad at me anymore.

What I can't take is
you lying to my face

- every time we talk about it.
- I am not lying!

I'm in love with Nick.

Really?

Yes.

I really see a future with him.

And I messed up at Thanksgiving.

Santiago told me he loves me
more than he hated marriage,

and I got sucked up in
that feeling for a moment.

But I found my way out.

And it made it
clear: I want Nick.

So that was what I walked in to?

sh*t.

- That's a lot.
- It is.

Because the one person

I wanted to talk to,
the one who's always

been by my side,
wouldn't talk to me.

In fact, he was
being really mean.

For weeks.

I feel really bad
about that now.

I don't want you to feel bad.

I just want you to
see how hard this was.

I don't want to be the
messiest b*tch in the world.

I didn't say "the messiest
b*tch in the world,"

I just said the Northwest.

One thing is for sure.

Without you, I'm a mess.

And I don't want to be anymore.

I'm sorry that I
was so hard on you,

and, like, I was just afraid

that you'd run back to Santiago,

and then, not only would you
lose Nick, but I would too,

because I'd always
choose you, Lily.

Really?

Of course.

Okay, I'm only going
to say this once.

I've seen tremendous
growth in you.

Not only are you saving
for your own home,

starting your own business

and owning up to
your mistakes, but...

I've never seen Nick so happy.

So, looks like
someone has finally

got their sh*t
together after all.

- Jorgito...
- Lil,

you're always my number one.

Even when I hate your guts.

Mmm.

It's just, it's so...

- I know, it's just...
- Hold on. There we go.

- Back. There.
- Right there.

- There we go.
- Okay. Mmm.

We love each other
again! Let us out!

Can I get married now, please?

It worked!

They still need us.

If one hair is out of
place, I will revolt.

- Okay.
- I'm serious, Dad.

- Lil, I have to go first.
- Yes, you go first.

Dad, lift it up and around.

Watch your
earring, watch your earring.

Okay, okay.
Oh, yeah. Perfect.

Oh, my God. Geez.

- Just in time.
- We have nine minutes

- to refresh makeup. Go.
- Okay. Great.

- All right, let's go.
- Let's go.

Yes!

You look great.

- You're done.
- Okay.

Oh, Nick. Hi. Did you get it?

Did people in
17th-century England

wear wedding rings
on their thumbs?

- Uh, yeah. Yeah, I got it.
- Can I have it, please?

- Sure.
- Thank you so much.

- Was it where I said?
- Yeah.

- God, I'm good.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

Okay. I'm ready.

Good, 'cause the
edible just hit.

All right, everyone, let's
get this party started.

I love the way this feels.

It doesn't scare you?

With you?

Hell no.

- Love you, Mom.
- I love you.

- I love you.
- I love you.

Dad?

Dad, just keep it
together, okay?

Uh-huh.

You got it.

Okay.

Welcome, everyone.
Today, we are here

to celebrate the wedding of
Henry Cruz and Jorge Diaz.

I can think of no
person more deserving

of my nephew Jorge's
love than Henry,

who won me over immediately
with his kindness, charm

and biceps.

And I can think of no person

more deserving of
Henry's love than Jorge,

who, like me, brings laughter,
joy and timeless class

to every place he goes.

We love you so much, Jorgito,

and I know I speak for
everyone when I say

we are so happy to celebrate
you and your love today.

And now the vows. Henry?

Okay.

Jorge, because I know you,

I'm not gonna sing or do magic.

Instead, I'm gonna say what
I know you need to hear most.

Your suit is incredible,

and you have the best
skin of anyone here.

Thank you. I know.

And also that meeting you

was the greatest thing
that ever happened to me.

Human beings have been on
Earth for 300,000 years

so how lucky am I
that I got to be here

at the same moment as you?

And now I get to share
my life with you.

My best friend.

A hundred years ago, we
would've had to marry women

and just stare longingly
at each other from afar.

Who am I kidding?

A hundred years ago, you
would have been in Mexico

and I would have been
in the Philippines.

No matter how you
feel about destiny,

you and I being
here in this moment

feels destined.

My dearest Jorge,

I will never take
you for granted.

I promise to show you every day

how much I love you.

I promise my shoulder will
always be yours to cry on,

my ear will always
be here to listen,

and my hand will always
be yours to hold.

Oh. Shh, shh.

Dad, really?

I love you, Jorge Diaz.

Jorge...

Oh, yes. First of all,

A-plus, babe. Really good job.

Loved it. Really good.

Um...

Henry, because I
know you so well,

I know exactly what you
need in this moment.

So...

Sorry, I just, uh...

Uh... I can't find my vows.

Nick, do you... do you have
an extra copy of my vows?

- Uh...
- No.

That's a "No." Okay, wow.

I am so mortified.

I can't find my vows
on my wedding day.

If there was ever a
necessary time for magic,

now is the time for
magic. But you know what?

Maybe now is the time for magic.

Henry, can you look in
your jacket pocket for me?

No.

How did you...

- I need those. Thank you.
- Oh, my gosh.

What?

I have a confession
to make to everyone.

I never thought I'd find someone
that was marriage material.

So imagine my surprise

when this earnest,
handsome and sweet man

walked into my life and
burst open my jaded heart.

No one was more
surprised than me

when you walked
into my life, Henry.

This sweet soul loves
me and cherishes me

and lets me be me,

with all the sarcasm
and the a lot-ness.

I mean, look at the material.

And look at this wedding.

Not everyone gets this.

So, thank you.

Henry, I promise that our
life will never be boring.

I promise that I will always
be your biggest cheerleader.

And I promise that I'll
try every single day

to try to make you smile.

You have exceeded
anything and everything

that I could have ever
possibly imagined for myself,

and you've made me a
better person for it.

I mean, like, if you told
me I was going to be doing

magic at my wedding, I really
wouldn't have believed you.

Like, this is insane.

Like, you know what I mean?

But love makes you do
unbelievable things.

It sets your heart on fire.

Wha...

- That's amazing!
- He didn't help, either.

I love you, Henry Cruz.

I love you.

Then by the power
vested in me by a place

I found on the Internet that
also confirmed I'm a witch...

That tracks.

I now pronounce you
husband and husband.

Boys, make-out city.

Whoo! Yeah!

Family and friends, I present,
for the very first time,

Mr. and Mr. Cruz-Diaz.

- ♪ True love ♪
- ♪ That's what I feel for you ♪

- ♪ True love ♪
- ♪ I need you so bad ♪

♪ True love... ♪

So, I have heard

so many wonderful
things about you, Santi.

Yeah?

Although, this dapper gentleman

has been a little tight-lipped
about your love life.

Is it too soon for me to pry?

Uh, no, there's just
not much to talk about.

Trying to figure
some things out.

¡Ay Dios mío!

Okay, no, here's the deal.

There is this young lady Lily.

They've been on and
off, and to be clear,

I've never seen this boy
happier then when he's with her.

- Papi, what're you doing?
- It's okay.

Let's get a woman's perspective.

She wanted to get married,

- he didn't.
- Hmm.

Suddenly, he has
a change of heart,

but it's too late 'cause
she's with somebody else.

- Oh, no.
- Yes.

So she got married
to somebody else?

No. Well, she's not married,
they're just together.

Oh, 'perate, there's
no ring on the finger?

Oh, no, baby, she's single.

What-what-what...
What's that mean?

- Are you saying you're single?
- That's right.

As a matter of fact, that
waiter right over there

- is kind of cute.
- I'm not even gonna look

at that waiter over there.

You know I'm all yours.

Has he told you how we met yet?

No.

- Can I tell him?
- Go ahead.

Okay. I was on my
way back from work,

and I was this close to not
stopping at Whole Foods.

Yeah, that parking
lot is terrible.

Oh, it's the worst.

So, I'm gonna go
to the salad bar,

but I thought, "I
need an orange."

Yeah, this woman
loves her citrus.

And so, I'm
going for the oranges...

- The blood oranges.
- Yes.

Right? The dramatic ones.

And the orange falls from
my hand and rolls away...

and this papi chulo grabs it

and looks at me...

And there was this familiarity,

- almost like...
- Like an old friend

you didn't realize you missed.

Aw.

Yeah, and that was it.

- Yeah.
- It felt like fate.

You really believe in
that, that external forces

are pulling us
toward one another?

Oh. Okay, I see
what's happening here.

You got that big ol'
brain that I gave you

overthinking and trying to
find the logic in all this.

Mijo, not everything
can be explained.

Especially when it comes to,
uh, matters of the heart.

- Mm-hmm.
- Now, do I think

that there are
greater forces at play

beyond what our measly
brain can understand?

Yes.

Yeah, I do.

But my man's a romantic.

But he's right.

When life taps you
on the shoulder,

you better pay attention.

I'm sure glad I did.

Me, too.

Check. Check, please.

Where that sexy waiter at, huh?

All the single people
to the dance floor.

It's time for

the boutonnière toss!

Get in here, Lily.

All right, ready?

Here it goes.

Okay, my turn,
my turn, my turn.

- Okay, you ready? All right, let's do this.
- Yeah!

One, two...

three!

- Oh!
- Oh!

Lil, you okay?

Um, just need... I need
some ice or something.

Directly in the eye socket.

[♪ Nina Simone: "My
Baby Just Cares For Me"]

♪ My baby don't care for shows ♪

Seriously? Our song? Really?

♪ My baby don't
care for clothes ♪

Great. Now she has me
talking to the sky, too.

♪ My baby just cares for me ♪

♪ My baby don't care for ♪

♪ Cars and races ♪

♪ My baby don't care for ♪

♪ High-tone places ♪

♪ Liz Taylor is not his style ♪

♪ And even Lana Turner's smile ♪

Okay, I get it. I get it.

I'm listening.

♪ Is something he can't see ♪

Oh!

Come on.

Seriously?

- Come on. Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good. You?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- Good.

Then what the f*ck, man?

Me? You realize

you're the one who
rear-ended me, right?

You realize you backed
up into me, right?

Look, it's not
great, but it's fixable.

And even though it's your
fault, my guy on Burnside, Cy,

he's the best. He
can take care of you.

Oh, yeah, Cy's my
guy. You know Cy?

Explains why your '53 Corsair
is in such good condition.

Okay, got a hell
of an eye, Mustang.

All the better to see
while I'm driving.

You know, unlike some people.

It needs a wash.

We should exchange numbers.

For insurance purposes
or, uh, driving lessons?

You know, my neck's starting
to hurt a little bit.

Just wanted a contact to
send my medical bills.

- Here you go.
- Oh, got it.

It still hurts?

I got nailed
right in the cornea.

Well, I sent your cousin
out to get a first aid kit.

I'm fine, the universe is
just messing with me today.

What? I thought you and
Jorgito worked things out.

We did. Different problem,

and I don't think you have
a sweater for this one.

You have a problem?

I'm here for you.

Mom, why do you seem
excited about it?

Sorry.

I'm here for you.
What's going on?

I'm in my head.

I love Nick, and everything
with him feels so right.

But every time I
try to enjoy it,

the universe throws Santiago
and I back together,

and it shakes me.

It's like I'm being
tested by fate.

Lily, it's so much easier
to blame the universe

rather than own
your own decisions.

So, you don't think it's
a sign from the universe

that on the day of my brother's
wedding, I run into my ex?

Okay, this is where
I get to tell you

that signs are kind of bullshit.

- What?
- Well, I mean, yeah,

they're nice when they're
there, and you feel validated,

and you get to pretend that
you're in a fairy tale,

and it's fun for a second.

But do you know what
is better than magic?

Reality.

I get to brush my teeth next to

the man that I love
every single day,

and that is better than
any fairy tale. I promise.

How did you know
papi was the one?

Easy. I decided.

Of all the men on this Earth,

I decided to love your papi,

and he decided to love me back.

And we doubled
down on that choice

every day after.

You keep looking for
outside validation

when it's an inside job.

Running into Santiago
doesn't have to mean

anything other
than you were both

in the same place
at the same time.

You are in charge, baby.

So be a boss b*tch
and ask yourself,

"What do I want?"

Thank you, mami. I love you.

I love you, too.

Ooh, okay. So, this is
all they had at CVS.

I got you some ointment,
I got you an ice pack,

and... I thought that

this eyepatch would look
great with your dress.

Sorry it took a second,

I got into a little
fender bender.

- Oh, are you okay?
- Oh, I'm great.

The guy I hit was super
hot, so I got his number.

Oh, look at you. Back
in town for five minutes

and already got
some guy's number.

That's my prima.

Come on. Let's go.

- Hey!
- Hey.

Saw you and Lily talking.
That looked intense.

Oh, baby. Oh, my gosh.

They need us now more than ever.

When they have kids?
They're gonna be a mess.

♪ You tell me you're
in love with me ♪

♪ Like you can't take your
pretty eyes away from me ♪

♪ It's not that I
don't want to stay ♪

♪ But every time you come
too close, I move away ♪

♪ I wanna believe in
everything that you say ♪

♪ 'Cause it sounds so good ♪

♪ But if you really want me ♪

♪ Move slow ♪

♪ There's things about me
you just have to know ♪

♪ Sometimes I run ♪

♪ Sometimes I hide ♪

♪ Sometimes I'm scared of you ♪

- ♪ But all I really want is to
hold you tight ♪

♪ Treat you right ♪

- ♪ Be with you day and night ♪
- We love you! Mwah!

♪ Baby, all I need is time... ♪

¡Un momento!

I have one thing

I need to do before you leave.

Of course, doña
Marta. What is it?

- Oh.
- Oh.

There, you are now safe.

Have a great honeymoon.

- Thank you.
- Of course.

Now I can finally relax. Ay.

- Can you hold my thing?
- Yeah, of course.

Was it everything
you dreamed of?

Even better.

- Let me get this.
- I love you guys.

- Love you, Lil.
- I love you. Have fun.

- Okay, bye.
- Bye!

- Bye.
- Bye. Have fun.

We love you.

Congratulations, you two.

You see, Marta? I told
you there was no curse.

Luis, there was no curse
because I kept it at bay.

You're welcome, familia.

Somebody get me a drink!

Bye, guys.

We love you!

Bye!

Gladys,
what are you doing?

What kind of tía
would I be if I didn't

steal the centerpieces?
They're going fast.

Good night,
everybody. Good night.

- Good night, guys.
- See you.

- Good night.
- Night night.

- Thank you, thank you.
- See you.

- You look beautiful.
- Oh. Oh, thank you.

All right, we'll see you later.

- Great night.
- It was so great, right?

Hey.

You good?

Yes.

You ready?

I'm ready.

To start looking
for houses with you.

Wow. You sure?

I have never been
more sure in my life.

And you know what?

What?

Nick...

I think...

I'm your best friend?

Yes.

And I want to marry you.

Oh.

Uh, I mean, I didn't
mean right now,

- but I just...
- Oh, yeah. You know, thank God,

- 'cause I don't have a ring.
- Yeah. Oh.

I have to ask your parents.
You have to meet my parents.

Right, right, right, right.

But, it's just...

♪ My love must be a
kind of blind love ♪

♪ I can't see anyone but you ♪

♪ Sha-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ Are the stars out tonight? ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ I don't know if it's
cloudy or bright ♪

♪ I only have eyes ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Dear ♪

♪ Sha-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ The moon may be high ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ Doo-bop, sha-bop ♪

♪ But I can't see a thing ♪

♪ In the sky ♪

♪ I only have eyes ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ I don't know if ♪

♪ We're in a garden ♪

♪ Or on the crowded ♪

♪ Avenue ♪♪

GloNation! Yay!