02x01 - Episode 1

[bunniefuu]

CHRISTINE: We have Jerry Bernstein

from the NSA arriving shortly.

So great to finally meet you.

What was your name again?

Joseph Harries.

Right. John, do you mind me asking?

Do you have dwarfism in your family?

Get me a full background check on

Jerry Bernstein.

I need to see his file.

Someone's actually trying to access

your file right now.

Were you disgraced at the NSA and

forced to take the position here?

No.

(BEEPS)

Motherf

You have no idea how lucky

you are to have me.

Literally, this is the best thing

that ever happened to me.

I think we could learn a lot

from each other, especially from me.

Did you vote for Brexit?

I don't know. Who is that?

You want to explain to everyone

how you slept with my wife?

Is that why you think I'm here?

The NSA called your case

back into review.

I'm here to take you home.

What it looks like is

you're staging a wedding

in order to avoid immediate

extradition to the United States,

where you're highly likely

to face charges of treason.

It seems like there are now concerns

there may be a mole here at GCHQ.

The f Huh!

(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)

RECORDING: System overload.

System overload. System overload.

System overload. System overload.

Oh!

(ALARM)

No. Understood.

You too.

f*cking hell!

Have Little Mix split up?

Mum?

I can't remember the exact numbers,

but there must have been at least

20, maybe 30 in wheelchairs.

And over 100 dead.

Is this the m*ssacre in

Kuala Lumpur?

No. This was my school reunion.

All of you, boardroom, now.

Plus, you know, the statistics

speak for themselves.

Nearly all t*rrorists reoffend.

Suicide bombers rarely reoffend.

Yeah, but the point is,

who here can name me

a single white t*rror1st.

The Unabomber?

Oh, I didn't know he was single.

Yeah, he's even got his own

Netflix show.

OK, I'll keep things brief

and to the point.

I heard one minute ago we currently

have a code red situation

here at GCHQ.

Oh, no.

Are the toilets now working again?

A presently unknown t*rror1st group

has harnessed cyber weapon

Eternal Blue

and is using it to bring down

Hinkley Point nuclear site.

Oh, sh1tting t*ts!

Quite.

In half an hour we could be

looking at another Chernobyl.

I just couldn't get through

the first series, to be honest.

I wouldn't normally

say this out loud,

but given the circumstances,

do you mind shutting the f*ck up?

Sure.

What's Eternal Blue?

Jerry.

Right.

So for those of you who don't know,

Eternal Blue is a cyber weapon

designed by the NSA that allows

malware to spread quicker.

I headed up the team

that developed it.

Of course, the NSA still deny

the weapon even exists.

Right.

May have developed it.

How long do we have?

An irreversible and catastrophic

meltdown could begin

in as little as 28 minutes.

I'm not an expert on all this

and I'm well aware

that you told me to shut the f*ck up

earlier,

but have they tried switching it off

and on again?

A nuclear reactor?

Yeah.

No.

All we can do now

is put obstacles in place

to try to slow the system failure.

Hang on, wait a second.

OK, so during the test phase

of Eternal Blue,

we built in a manual override.

A coded way that would allow us to

regain full and complete control

should the weapon ever fall into

the wrong hands.

How are you only remembering this

now?

I don't know. Sometimes my brain's

extraordinary like that.

Get to the point.

The point is, it's temperamental.

One wrong move and it can

only make things worse.

Can you or can you not

override Eternal Blue?

I can, but it's password protected.

What's the password?

That is a great question.

I think it's something sweet,

like 'doughnut' or 'Ding Dong'.

Jesus.

Hey, give me a break.

It was more than five years ago.

Do you remember everything

you were doing in 2016?

Well, if I wasn't here, I was

probably campaigning for Brexit.

Look, if you could

just give me one hour,

I'm sure I can remember the password.

In one hour, half of the south-west

of England

will either be on fire

or have cancer.

I had a friend who died like that.

Cheesecake!

Rum baba?

No! It is too risky.

The primary objective has to be

to slow the system failure

at Hinkley Point -

stick to the protocol.

Yeah, but if I could just remember

the password

And run the risk of

destabilising

the four remaining reactors

when you get it wrong?

No, thanks.

Look, Christine, you and I

were always going to have

a different approach, right?

We're like the Williams sisters.

Yes.

Yes, but when the Williams sisters

play tennis,

half a million lives aren't at

stake.

I don't know. When was the last time

you saw them play?

Tuva, you're on rootkit analysis.

Mary, you're on the ciphertext.

The rest of you, you know the drill.

Wait, is this a drill?

Don't even start. That's an order.

We have 25 minutes.

Spotted d*ck?

No, that cleared up.

System overload. System overload.

(ALARM WHOOPS)

System overload.

Did I miss any call?

Evelyn!

Did I miss any calls?

Ah, yeah.

I can't remember her name.

I think she said she was

a secretary or something.

The Secretary of State?

That was it.

She said we need to prepare

two versions of the press release,

just in case.

Mother of God.

How bad is it?

This could result in the biggest

loss of civilian life on UK soil

since World w*r II.

Maybe we should get

a takeaway tonight.

Start typing.

At 10:15 this morning, we

intercepted a potential cyber threat

to the digital system in place

at Hinkley Point.

No, it's just saying

'file not found'.

Joseph, get in here!

Yeah, two seconds, Jerry.

How are you getting on?

It's really bad.

Oh, no!

Everywhere's booked up.

What do you mean?

I'm trying to get a table for me

and dad and Lumiere's this weekend

but there's literally nothing.

Is that all you've done?

Oh, no, no, no.

I've tried Paparrito's,

Grill 49 and the Coconut Tree

but it's the same everywhere.

Joseph!

Yes, Jerry.

Rootkit analysis

on the second core reactor.

Oh, God, it's endless, isn't it?

Sorry. You right?

OK.

I need your help here.

If I were to say 2016 to you,

what is the first thing

that comes to mind?

Alan Rickman's death.

I have no idea who that is.

He was the guy behind the

Nakatomi Plaza Attack in 1998.

OK, look, I just need a way

of trying to remember

what password I might have chosen

back then.

I mean, it might sound crazy,

but have you tried

regressive hypnotherapy?

No, that's too long.

It would have been a maximum of

10 characters.

OK, you know what?

Let's just quickly just throw

some ideas at me.

See if it triggers anything.

Um

Were there any special occasions

that year?

Um, no.

Oh, actually, there was my 50th.

And as a gift, Melissa got Botox.

For you?

No, for her.

Oh. Was it a nice?

Not really.

It was like kissing a haemorrhoid.

What about a pet name?

You know what, back then

we actually had several.

There was Flaps.

Yeah.

Mr Mistoffelees.

Yeah.

Whiskers.

And these were for pets?

(MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES)

No, those were for Melissa.

Two seconds. Hey!

Are you kidding?

How's Bude?

Yeah.

Why did you bring in for lunch?

No, I just got in a couple

of Scotch pancakes,

a small carton of orange juice

and some Pom-Bears.

I'll probably just have them as

a snack.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry, I'll just go somewhere

a tiny bit quieter.

It's so nice to hear from you again.

Fran, quick question.

Obviously, if age wasn't an issue

..have you ever fancied children?

Oh, gosh, no.

I don't think that's allowed.

What? Oh, no.

Mary, if I were to say 2016 to you,

what is the first thing

that springs to mind?

Alan Rickman's death?

I've gotta Google that guy.

20 minutes!

Where was I?

Including cardiovascular related

illness and birth defects.

End of press release.

Please tell me something positive.

My tomato plant's doing well.

I meant about the current crisis.

At least it's Friday.

Jesus, how did we miss this?

Well, the thing is, there are just

so many t*rrorists these days.

I mean, I remember when

there were just three.

What's the ciphertext showing?

Sadly, it's looking like

the second core reactor

may be compromised too.

I thought we were meant to be

buying ourselves some time.

Who's handling the rootkit analysis?

Who's handling the?

I gave it to Joseph.

f*cking hell. Where is he?

Jerry!

Is it a drill?

Shut up. Where's Joseph?

I don't know. He took a call.

Have you tried the roof?

We're not allowed on the roof.

I know, but I think he found a hole.

Why the hell aren't you

at your desk?

I keep getting the runs

every time I speak

Boardroom. Now.

Did you remember the password?

I did, actually.

Oh, good. What is it?

It's G-U-L-L-I-B-L-E.

Gullible?

Uh-huh.

Oh, I see what you've done.

Don't bother sitting down.

Mary, tell everyone

what you've just told me.

Oh, my tomato plant is doing

About the second core reactor!

Of course. Sorry.

So it's looking like the second core

will be affected as well.

What?

Why wasn't this picked up

on the rootkit analysis?

Joseph?

I know. I agree with Jerry.

No! Where is it?

Seriously, Chris, if I were to say

2016, Alan Rickman aside,

what is the first

No.

Jerry's office.

I left it in Jerry's office.

Do you want me to go and get it?

No.

You've caused enough damage today

as it is.

I haven't done anything.

Exactly.

Too little, too late.

What if we launch our own

cyber attack on Hinkley Point?

What do you mean?

If we can overload their own system,

it might slow everything down,

even Eternal Blue.

That's a good idea.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You want to launch a second cyber

attack on the same nuclear site?

What if you're successful?

(expl*si*n SOUND)

Maybe Joseph can give you a hand?

That'll help.

Is that a compliment?

What do you think?

You have 15 minutes. Go.

The team at Hinkley Point

just called to say

that the second blast

might take out GCHQ Bude.

Do you want me to WhatsApp someone?

No.

Any outside communication at this

point would go against protocol,

and would only cause mass panic.

We keep this to ourselves.

Do you understand?

God help us all.

Charlotte.

They might notice something's up in

the next 15 minutes anyway.

Mum?

Hey, Charlotte, it's Joseph.

Hey, Charlotte, it's me.

Really bad news.

Pick up, pick up, pick up.

Pick up the phone.

(BEEP)

Charlotte, it's Joseph.

I don't know if you got my previous

message, but, um

..you don't fancy just jumping

in the car

and travelling like

300, 400 miles north-east?

I don't know if you have any, like,

factor 50 sunscreen or 50 plus.

(BEEP)

If you happen to hear a loud bang

Joseph!

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, Jerry.

Oh, you look like sh*t.

I just downed my Pom-Bears

too quickly.

Calm down.

I secretly check out

the new blast radius

and the worst we'll feel

is a little warm.

Yeah? What about the staff at

GCHQ Bude?

I mean, between us, how important is

the work they do there, really?

It's where Charlotte works.

Right.

You never met in person, though,

right?

So?

So, you're not going to notice if

she looks a little different.

Oh, my.

I was doing some research

on that whole

regressive hypnotherapy thing.

How much do you know about it?

I only know two words, really.

OK, well, I think it could really

help me remember the password.

Tell me to relax.

Relax.

No, no, you gotta whisper it to me.

Reeeeeelax!

OK, that sounds like you're

about to violate me.

Pretend it's 2016. Take me back.

You sure this is going to work?

Of course not.

But here, take my hand.

Take it, take it

Yeah.

OK.

Pretend to be Melissa.

Why?

How good is your American accent?

(AMERICAN ACCENT)

Really not very good, ma'am.

OK.

Let's work on the other senses.

Ask me what I can smell.

In 2016?

Mm-hm.

Oh, oh, onions.

Really?

I'm at a party.

Right?

Oh, whoa, it's hot.

My arm hurts.

You've been breakdancing again.

No, no, I'm

I'm at a grill. Oh.

Oh. Oh, I'm flipping burgers.

Oh, this is what you used to do

for a living.

No, no, it's my backyard.

It's a barbecue.

OK, so where's Melissa?

What am I doing?

Oh, she's

She's walking towards me.

Uh-oh.

It looks like she's been crying.

Maybe it's the onions?

What's up, sweetie? What's wrong?

Is it the Botox?

What's up, sweetie?

Ahhh. Don't know what to say.

Come on, as Melissa.

I don't know what to say.

Yes, you do, sweetie.

You could tell me.

I can't I can't think of

anything to say.

You're a good thinker, Melissa.

I'm not a good thinker, Jerry.

Yell it at me. You're always yelling.

Why are you always playing

these games, Jerry?

Me?! I'm not the one who plays games,

Melissa.

(LOUDLY) I'm here manning the

grill and what are you doing?

Drinking like a fish.

Where's the potato salad anyway?

Did you leave them?

Oh, my God, I just remembered.

No kidding? What is it?

It's in a notebook taped to the back

of our refrigerator.

Oh.

So, where's the refrigerator?

It's in the States.

I don't think we can get there

in time.

No, we have to call Melissa.

What's going on?

Tuva, I need you to open

a back door on 192.74.

Do you have the password?

Almost.

Close the blinds. The blinds.

What if you were to just guess it?

No, no. Eternal Blue is rigged.

If we don't get it right

the first time, we're screwed.

It's like a nose job,

from from what I hear.

OK, I've opened the back door to

Eternal Blue.

First you need to input an

authorisation key.

Don't look.

Oh, nice to see you again,

you little piece of sh*t.

You talking to me?

Joseph, go ahead and call Melissa.

I'm blocking the caller I.D.

so all you need to do is hit dial.

What time is it over there?

I have no idea. It keeps changing.

You want me to do the accent again?

Absolutely not.

Who is this?

sh*t!

It that Melissa?

No, it's f*cking Clint.

Why did you put it on video?

I just think I'm having

one of those days.

Hello?

Tell him to put Melissa on.

Oh, hi, Clint.

No, don't say his name.

Sorry, that was a guess.

Could you put Melissa on, please?

She's just in the bathroom.

Can she call you back? Who is this?

Tell him it's urgent.

There's something wrong

with your video.

How long does she usually take,

Clint?

Normally she's super fast.

Hang on, I think she just got out.

See?

Is there a disguise I could wear

to just cover me up?

Mary, give him your wig.

It's not a wig.

Some British guy is calling you.

MELISSA: I just need another minute.

Sorry, can we just we just do this

another time?

Clint.

Jerry.

Clint.

Jerry.

Clint!

Jerry.

Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint, Clint!

Bathrobe. Clint.

What the f*ck do you want?

Melissa.

Yeah, well too bad. She chose me.

Just put her on the phone.

It's a national emergency.

MELISSA: Oh, my God.

See! Melissa, Melissa.

I need you to do something for me.

CLINT: Jesus, are you f*cking

kidding me?

Yeah. Well, sorry, buddy.

Someone's got to be the hero.

Let me see it again.

Is there definitely a line?

MELISSA: Look, right there.

It's a blue line.

I love you so much.

I love you too.

Oh, my God.

We're gonna have a baby.

What the f*ck's going on?

No, no, no, no.

We're out of time.

Shut it down.

No, Jerry, the password.

Shut it down.

MELISSA: Jerry, is is that you?

Yeah.

Congratulations.

No, Jerry.

It's Clementine.

The password is Clementine,

all caps.

Are you sure?

100%.

Go!

It was what we were going to call

our daughter,

but we miscarried, so

Or I miscarried, I think,

is technically what you're meant

to say nowadays.

Well, I I didn't know

that about you.

Oh, it's fine, it's fine.

You know. Happens all the time.

I mean, in general, not just to me,

you know.

I'm not running around town

doling out miscarriages or

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

It's too bad, I was really looking

forward to being a dad.

Even though it was a girl.

(GASPS)

(ALL CHEER)

RECORDING: System normalised.

System normalised.

Well, if it's any consolation,

she does make a lovely password.

Thanks, buddy.

I do believe congratulations

are in order.

Thanks, even.

You're welcome.

Call Hinkley Point

with the good news.

And destroy the other press release.

Sure.

Which one was that again?

Any idea how a weapon

designed by the NSA

capable of causing such

destruction on British soil

could fall into the wrong hands?

Floppy disk?

All I'm saying is, it sounds

as though there might be a leak

that needs plugging on both sides

of the Atlantic.

What?

You still think there might be

a mole working here?

The thing about moles is you just

have to check them regularly

in case they change shape.

But, if they're hairy,

that's actually a good sign.

Sorry, I zoned out for a second.

What were you just saying?

So, where are we going?

We got to do something to celebrate.

Should we hit a nightclub?

For lunch?

(INDISTINCT)

Ooh, what about Hooters?

Yeah.

Ooh, I love their wings.

Either way, someone's going

to have to carry me home tonight.

You know?

(BEEP, ALARM BUZZES)

(BEEP, ALARM BUZZES)

Sorry.

Mine usually works.

(ALARM BUZZES)

(ALARM BUZZES)

(ALARM BUZZES)

Alright, let me.

(DOOR HISSES OPEN)

Yay.

There you go.

(THEY LAUGH)

(ALARM BUZZES)

Mother f

No! No! No, no, no!

g*dd*mn it!

Call it, man.

No, no, no, no!

This is bullshit!

NOEL COWARD:

Hurray, hurray, hurray

Misery's on the way

There are bad times

just around the corner

There are dark clouds

hurtling through the sky

It's as clear as crystal

from Bridlington to Bristol

That we can't save democracy

and we don't much care

We'd better all learn the

lyrics on the old 'Red Flag'

And wait till we drop down dead.