01x05 - The Jelly Wrestler

[bunniefuu]

(ominous music)

(upbeat music)

(billard ba*ls thudding)

(bottled drink fizzes)

- Cheers, Eileen

(girls giggling)

- Yeah, what can I get you?

- Two of those please.

That'd be great.

- And the

jelly is flying everywhere.

(audience cheering)

Eileen has Melinda down, but oh.

(jelly squishes)

(audience cheering)

(girls giggling)

- Funny.

- I know.

- Brilliant.

Thank you very much.

- Okay.

- Hey, hey. (laughing)

- Hey.

- Hi, how are you?

- If you need your alcohol

dressed up like kid's party food,

you're probably too young to drink it.

(Eileen and Man laugh)

I don't know what you know ♪

What?

(paper rustling)

- What's wrong?

- It's this roster.

I don't seem to have any shifts next week.

- Oh, wow.

This is so weird for me,

but Veronica gave me all of your shifts.

- But I've never worked anywhere else.

- She said something about wanting

to attract a younger crowd.

I showed her some of

my ideas for the place.

- What, like this?

(girls giggling)

- Yeah awesome, hey.

And it gave me another great idea.

We're gonna have a jelly wrestling

competition next weekend.

It's gonna be freaking hilarious.

- Come with me.

(mellow guitar music)

(water gurgling)

(Amy chuckles)

This all used to be in the main bar.

- Wow, maybe you could teach me?

I'm supposed to be in it,

but I've no idea what I am doing.

Perhaps I could talk to Veronica for you.

You know, about your shifts.

(mellow guitar music)

- It's gonna be slippery.

So don't fear it.

(gel squelching)

And don't fight it.

(ball squelching)

(Amy laughs)

- So, what happened that last year?

- Well, Melinda wanted

that crown so badly.

She'd do anything.

It was the finals,

(audience cheering)

just me and her.

She went too far.

There's no real rules in jelly wrestling,

but you never take off

another woman's pants.

(ball squelching)

It sort of all fell apart after that.

I never really got a chance

to win back my crown.

(upbeat pop music)

(gel squishing)

What is the matter with peach ♪

Now roll, roll.

(groaning)

Yeah you can show me some rage ♪

(Amy groaning)

Why don't you just take your age ♪

Yeah, you can say what you like ♪

(Eileen and Amy groaning)

If I should go I will rise ♪

I'll never fall for your lies ♪

- You should enter.

- Oh, my time's over.

I've got to move on.

- Yeah, well.

We won't be doing it

like you did in those

days, that's for sure.

It's just, you know,

for a laugh. (chuckles)

(mellow guitar music)

(door creaking)

(footsteps clicking)

(keys clanking)

(locker door creaking)

- At least you respected the game.

(sighs) I wish I could just jump in there

and wipe the smug look off your face.

But I can't, can I? (sighs)

Not since I've seen what

it could do to a woman.

(Eileen breathing deeply)

- Eileen!

(locker door clanging)

And tonight these wicked women of wobble

will be fighting it out

for the chance to become crowned

Queen of the Gelatine!

(audience cheering)

Susie Tsunami, Cha Cha

Treuse, Tonia Hard-Arse,

Betty Buttercup, Amy

Starlight and Queen of Tarts,

Bam-Bam, Annie the

Assassin and Issy Inferno.

And for our first bout we will have

Betty Buttercup and Amy Starlight.

(bell jangling)

(audience cheering)

(jelly squelching)

Jesus, I hope she doesn't win.

I've got money on her to lose.

- Hey, I just wanna ask you

what's the story with me shifts?

- Oh, don't ask me.

Amy's in charge of all that.

She reckons I'm better off out here.

(mellow guitar music)

Check it out.

I found it out the back.

Isn't it wild?

(audience cheering)

(door banging)

- Hey, this is the blokes.

(man gasps)

(glass shattering)

(bouncy music)

- All right, ladies

and gentlemen, our next.

- Is that your character?

Funny as.

- is between

- Queen of Tarts and Cha Cha Treuse.

Eileen?

Just let her go, let

her go, it's all right.

(audience cheering)

Oh, and she's gone through the legs.

And we're going for the Heimlich.

Eileen, she's doing a fabulous job.

And one, and two, and three.

Eileen has won the bout!

Eileen is the winner for this round.

Jesse, Jesse please ♪

I look in a mirror ♪

Don't look away ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

I just wanna to say, to say, to say ♪

I look in a mirror ♪

Don't close your eyes ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

Stay there a while ♪

'Cause you're pretty Anna ♪

For me ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

Don't look at me ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

I just wanted to say ♪

'Cause you're pretty Anna ♪

That way ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

Don't look at me ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

I just want you to see, to see, to see ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

Don't close your eyes ♪

Look in the mirror ♪

Mirrors don't lie ♪

'Cause you're pretty Anna ♪

(audience cheering)

And now there's only two

- Eileen, Eileen,

champions of the goop left.

- Eileen, Eileen.

Eileen and Amy Starlight.

(audience cheering)

(upbeat rock music)

- Oh wow, I really wish this stuff

didn't keep happening to me but

Veronica really wants me to win.

- Come on ladies.

- She thinks I'm gonna look

better on the posters

and websites and stuff.

- You know that you got to

keep down your opponent for three seconds

to win the bout.

Let's make it clean, ladies.

Take your positions.

Are you ready?

(bell jangling)

(audience cheering)

Oh, and they're going for it.

Eileen just swats Amy

aside like a pesky insect.

Amy back on her feet getting

ready for another grapple.

But oh, down again.

Eileen's just toying with her.

Down they go but this is just

textbook stuff from Eileen.

Ohhh, ouch.

Ooohh, the elbow.

Now Eileen has Amy pinned

and Amy's in trouble.

- (laughs) Okay, they've had their show.

Now back down.

(audience cheering)

(wrapper rustling)

- Eileen, goes it alone.

She wants that crown.

She can smell it.

This could be all over

in the count of three.

One, and two, and.

(fabric ripping)

(Veronica gasps)

(audience cheering)

Sorry, Eileen.

That's a one, and two,

- Come on, Eileen!

(breathing deeply)

(girl screaming)

(hopeful music)

(jelly squelching)

(sniffing)

- This is not pretty.

(audience cheering)

(locker door clangs)

(girl chuckles)

(metal clanging)

- f*ck.

- And now a good, old-fashioned

dunking in the jelly,

which she probably deserves.

(Amy sputtering)

(ominous music)

- Eileen,

Eileen, Eileen, Eileen.

- And again, and again.

- Eileen, Eileen,

Eileen, Eileen, Eileen.

(jelly squishing)

- Well, reckon that's

plenty of dunking, Eileen.

(jelly sputtering)

(audience muttering)

(heart beating)

(upbeat music)

I hear a tapping on the window outside ♪

It could be nothing ♪

But then it could be

the spirit knocking ♪

I raise a glass of blue window up wide ♪

The windows blowing around

I hear some voices talking ♪

They're telling me to

move the shutterbug play ♪

She's talking crazy hearing

voices talking crazy to him ♪

Who's supposed to be

in terror, harms way ♪

I was just going to say let's

get the paramedics to him ♪

(upbeat rock music)

Shutterbug ♪

(upbeat rock music)

Shutterbug ♪

I hear a tapping on the window outside ♪

It could be nothing but then

opportunity come flocking ♪

I raise a glass upon

the window up wide ♪

Take care of you when I

look I see a new horizon ♪

It's looking like

another shutterbug day ♪

A little hazy but feel I'm

better up there singing ♪

You better leave a

sleeping dog where he lays ♪

So you can learn to learn ♪

What you don't know

what you're missing ♪

(upbeat rock music)

Shutterbug ♪

(upbeat rock music)

Shutterbug ♪

I hear a tapping on the window outside ♪

(ominous music)