01x08 - Episode 8

[bunniefuu]

Mia?

Mia?

How are you feeling?

Good.

I've been, uh, good.

You know, been sticking to the meal plan,

taking it day by day, and

Yeah.

And your family?

I know times have been a bit turbulent

in the Polanco household.

Yeah, we've been sorting it.

You know, just got to

push through this bit.

And friends?

Oh f*ck.

Great.

Yeah, they're all good.

Mia, how long have we been

seeing each other, would you say?

- I don't know. A long time.

- Mm.

And do you feel

you can be truthful with me?

Yeah.

Yeah. All right, then.

Mia.

How are you feeling?

Great.

Okay. You all know what you're doing.

Lots of energy, big smiles.

I'm looking at you, Martin.

What?

Okay, so these ladies and gents

don't get out much,

so it's our job to keep their spirits up,

but blood pressures low.

So, board games, card games,

and most importantly, tea.

Lots of it.

Yeah, okay?

Come on, these 90-year-olds

have more spring in their step than you!

Morning, folks. Who's ready for bingo?

You're late.

Or are you early?

Ugh. I cannot believe

I'm spending my Sunday

with the survivors

of the Great Fire of London.

Ah. Entirely your fault for leaving your

Duke of Edinburgh community hours

until last minute.

Is she here?

I haven't seen her all week.

She hasn't responded since Carli-gate.

Yep. Same.

She's gone full MIA on us.

She's going through a difficult time.

She is a difficult time.

- Where are you going?

- I don't know.

Drag her!

Right, I'll take bingo.

Makes me want to reach

for the arsenic the least.

Hey.

You think they'd swing

for a better selection.

Right. It's not as if

we don't need a distraction.

Exactly.

- My daughter was here for a while.

- Ah.

She moved to outpatients

about two months ago.

Good for her. And you.

Good for everyone, really.

Oh, thanks.

- Are you here to see yours?

- He's ready for you now.

Oh, excuse me.

Hey.

You're Jenna's mum, right?

Carol.

Mia.

Hi.

I heard she got out. How is she?

She tried.

No one could say she didn't try.

I think she'd want people to know that.

It was just too much for her out there.

I'm so sorry.

I want to go skydiving.

Raft the Colorado River.

Maybe bungee jumping.

Or fly on a hot air balloon.

Those all sound deeply costly

and potentially fatal.

Hey, it's your list.

I'm just helping you out.

Okay, what else is on there?

I told you, you need to make your own.

Yeah, but I just like

laughing at yours, so

Go on a Ferris wheel.

Are you serious? That is so boring, Jenna.

Mia, I'm so sorry about your friend.

If you ever want to talk about anything

- Nah. They told us not to keep in touch.

- Why not?

They said it could be triggering.

Remind us of the bad times.

Make things worse.

But guess it didn't matter in the end, so

- Darling.

- Mm?

Don't forget your 11:00 a.m. snack.

Right.

Thanks.

If you want to talk about it, I

Uh, I'm gonna have a shower.

I smell like hospital.

Okay.

Mum.

What are you doing?

Why do you keep doing this to us?

Clearly, there is something wrong if this

I'm sorry, but I can't help you.

I cannot watch you

end up like your friend.

Mia

You need to go back to hospital.

You need to see Dr. Nell.

I'll get a bin bag,

and we can call him together,

and we'll make a plan.

Mia?

Mia!

How are you?

First time in a week

I haven't woken up crying.

But we love character development, so

You didn't have to be here today.

Were you hoping to see her?

Mm.

Weren't you?

No.

No, she won't be here.

Why?

Because Mia's a coward.

At least she won't see me like this.

Like what?

I mean, look,

you're still Alison. You know?

I'm still scared of you.

Hey.

Look, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch.

You and everyone else.

No one will talk to me.

I've got sh*t going on too, you know.

Carli, let's get out of here.

- What?

- We can go.

And we can have a day

of doing whatever we want.

- Mia.

- Come on, Carli. I mean

Haven't you ever wanted to, like

chuck your phone out the window

and go fully off the map?

And we can

we can finish the f*cking list.

f*ck everyone else.

Carli?

When you finish up with this,

I need you to clean up the back.

A kid's chundered everywhere.

- I've got to work.

- But

But, you know what, it's fine.

It's fine because you know what we can do?

We can just

We can chuck these. Just like

Come on. Come on.

Come out with me. Please, Carli.

Please.

Okay, folks. Look alive,

or look as dead as I am. Yay.

Whoo.

I feel fine, 69.

Oh, let me go, please.

I'll owe you everything forever.

You already owe me.

Lots of fun, young and full of c*m, 41.

Mia's mum?

- How has she been this week?

- I haven't seen her all half-term.

Uh, none of us have.

It's happening again.

And I didn't even realize

I was watching it happen.

You're overreacting.

Because she knows

if we're all worried about her,

then we'll forget

about the sh*t she's done. Again.

Cameron.

She hasn't been eating all week.

- I said I'll check around.

- All right. I'm coming with you.

I thought you didn't want to see her.

- Yeah, well, it's not about her.

- We can check the bandstand.

- Or the skate park.

- Or Carli.

That's who she's gonna be with, obviously.

- If we find Carli, then we find Mia.

- Okay, but I shouldn't leave.

I'll stay here.

Yeah. Someone's got to keep

these wildcats in check.

Going straight to voicemail for me too.

I don't understand how this happened.

You were supposed to sit

with her at mealtimes.

You're supposed to watch her eat.

You've seen me do it enough times.

I couldn't have left you

clearer instructions when I

When you left!

You left us.

If this is anyone's fault

How dare you try and put this on me

when you've been

too busy with your new girlfriend

to give a sh*t about this family?

Do you want to know where I met her?

At the support group

for parents at the hospital.

The one you never bothered to go to.

I'm gonna try Mia again.

And that is why you do not go home

with the guy selling his mixtape

in the Lidl car park.

Am I right? Am I right?

Okay. Thirty-four, that's 34.

Three-four, number 34.

Theo Mason.

Um

Could you man the tea station?

It'd be an honor.

So, uh, anyone into cults?

Yeah, why did Becca leave?

She was supposed to be running this.

Oh, I know. It's just

some Mia stuff, but, um, she'll be back.

This is legs, 11. Legs, 11.

What does that mean? Is she okay?

It's fine. It'll all be fine.

It's just a fuss about nothing.

Uh, legs, 11. Legs, 11.

Will, tell me.

I guess, she hasn't been eating,

and no one knows where she is.

- But it's fine.

- Are you serious?

No, but it's fine.

We're peachy. We are peachy.

It's all peachy, and that is 17.

And it is a peachy, peachy 17.

Yeah, it sounds proper peachy.

Mature as usual, Will.

Okay. Okay, wakey-wakey, everyone.

Yes, Beatrice, yes. Bring both eyes.

Who is ready to have some real fun?

Let's get some booze and tunes up in here.

Prohibition is so yesterday. Okay?

Okay.

Hi. Excuse me. Have you seen Carli?

She works here.

She used to. Until she walked out

in the middle of her shift.

Oh, okay. Was she with anyone?

A girl?

Yeah, they were giggling.

Flapping some paper about.

The bucket list.

Then next minute,

I'm down a shelf stacker.

Uh, okay, great.

Thank you, Gareth.

Cheese Guy.

You're Cheese Guy?

- You what?

- Huh.

How you tryna preach

If you ain't on your deen? ♪

How you tryna reach

If ain't got a dream? ♪

They see me in the streets

They say BK you're a king ♪

Told ya.

f*ck.

It's amazin', it's amazin' ♪

How we got here in the first place ♪

Only got here

Now we're first place ♪

Is this safe?

Don't look down.

I don't feel good.

I really don't feel good.

In Paris with Virgil at LV ♪

Peng Palace, I like it, it's on fleek

It's on me ♪

I been workin' all week

Get the shackles off me, I'm free ♪

You destroy this truth for me ♪

I'm just livin' proof

That you could take my soul from me ♪

What's bothering you, love?

I know a broken heart when I see one.

Oh please, I just wanna be loved

Oh please, I need someone to trust ♪

Oh please, I just wanna be free ♪

What else is on the list?

We've read it like a million times.

Shoplifting?

Right, so that narrows it down to a shop.

- This isn't funny, Cam.

- Yeah, I know.

No. I don't think you do.

This is my fault.

She wasn't responding all week,

and I just assumed she needed space.

Like we all did.

I'm such a terrible friend.

No.

None of this is on you. I mean

We can't keep blaming ourselves

when she blows her f*cking life up.

You're the fixer, Becs.

You make things good again.

You're honest and loyal

I had an ab*rtion.

I didn't tell you.

When?

Like a month ago.

Just after we ended things.

Uh

Is it

Are you are you okay?

I'm okay.

I was then too.

More or less.

f*ck.

I wish you would've told me.

I'm sorry I didn't

No, no, I don't mean like that.

Don't be.

I just mean that

I wish I could have

made you feel like you could.

Yeah. Well

It's over now.

Let's keep looking for Mia.

Do you want to know the worst part, Edith?

Right now, she's not even thinking

about how much she hurt me.

She's running around

with the girl she wanted more.

And even though she broke my heart,

I'm not allowed to be mad because

she's not well.

And everyone's just expecting me

to build a bridge and get over it.

You should.

I've lived a long and colorful life,

and if there's anything I've learned,

it's important to forgive,

when forgiveness is earned.

And if it isn't

Build that bridge, Alison.

And then burn it to the f*cking ground.

Huh.

That young man's

been staring at you all afternoon.

Go talk to your boyfriend.

What? He's not

my boyfriend, Ivan. Shut up.

Well, he should be.

If I was your age, I wouldn't let him

slip through my fingers.

So why's

a Ferris wheel on your list?

It was on someone else's.

Yeah. Number 42.

Number 42?

Mia.

Don't.

Please, don't.

I got you one anyway.

Nah, you shouldn't have.

I'm, like, really not hungry.

Well, we haven't eaten yet today.

It's almost five.

You know what we should do next?

We should get out of London.

We can go on a train

and we can go anywhere.

Go to Manchester,

check out your old haunts. Okay?

- Mia!

- I just want to have one good day, Carli.

- Okay? And we can finish the list.

- Why do we have to finish it today?

What's the rush?

Why are you being so boring?

I mean, if you don't want to do it,

I'll just do it myself.

- There'll be other days.

- Oh really?

Do you know what the average

recovery time for anorexia is?

Seven years.

And I have seven years left

to work and worry and f*ck up,

and that's if I'm lucky.

It's like not even half

the people make it that far.

And I deserve one day,

Carli, one day to be free.

My friend died,

but she was the stronger one.

And if she couldn't make it,

what chance do I have?

None.

If you keep running away.

I'm sorry.

I'm so scared.

We'll find her,

get her the right treatment.

No, I don't mean that.

All the time.

Since she was born,

I never knew what to do.

Me too.

Really, I was just

making it up as I went along.

Would've been

easier maybe

to be scared together.

I just don't understand.

Like, I'm eating when I should.

I'm taking all the meds.

I'm coming to see you.

And I did all the right things,

but I still didn't feel any different.

Being me wasn't easier,

and waking up

in the morning wasn't easier.

And I just, I couldn't try anymore.

And now I'm right back where I started,

only worse, because now

I know there's no way out and

And I'm so lonely.

I'm trying so hard,

but I can't connect with people,

and I don't understand why.

Well, it's because anorexia was

your companion all day, every day.

It means that you were never alone

with the painful thoughts.

You've been holding on to a friend

that was never a real friend.

But that doesn't mean

the grief isn't real.

You know what I felt

when I found out about Jenna?

Go on.

The first thought.

I didn't cry.

I didn't scream or anything.

I just thought that she won.

That she beat me

because her illness

took her to a place that mine never had.

Because

she didn't have to get better, and I did.

And that's the first thought that I felt

when I heard my friend had died.

I'm so proud of you.

What? Proud? I just told you

I know what you told me, but I also know

that your disorder thrives on secrecy.

And that anorexic voice inside you

relies on you living in shame.

And what have you done today?

You've been honest.

You've asked for help.

Two things you would

never have done a year ago.

You are different.

Hey, hey.

You are different.

And I'll keep telling you

until you believe it.

He's on his phone.

I need a minute.

Will.

What's going on?

I'm sorry. I I actually can't do it.

- Shh. It's all right.

- No, it's not all right.

It's not, because because, like

It's not been all right for years,

and I didn't even notice.

Like, I was too busy

trying to make everyone laugh.

And she didn't need a laugh, she needed

she needed a friend,

and someone who would listen to her,

and I didn't.

I I I couldn't.

And

I'm sorry, I'm

I'm pathetic. I look like sh*t.

No, don't even think it. Look, Will.

You're allowed to feel

the bad stuff, you know?

And you can talk to me.

Like you did in the bathtub.

No, Bathtub Will was drunk and crying,

and he was boring.

Yeah, well, I liked Bathtub Will.

He was real.

Well, he liked you.

So much.

Yeah?

- Would you call it an emo crush?

- Oh God.

Yeah, I'm so sorry that I said that.

It's

I I didn't mean it.

Because you are more. I just

I just didn't have a word for all the more

you are, and I panicked and

It's okay to be scared

because you care, Will.

Just say it.

All of it.

Come here.

You okay?

I'm really sorry.

Sweetheart.

All I care about is that you're okay.

Oh.

I'd love to see you.

When you're ready, maybe you and Al

could come round for Scrabble and a movie.

Yeah, I'd like that.

Yeah.

Okay.

sh*t.

Sorry, that's my cab. Um

I can I'll stay.

No, I'm fine.

Dad, I promise.

I'll call you about Scrabble.

Miss you, guys.

Come here.

I am so sorry.

It's okay.

Right.

Shall we?

Is she

She's okay.

At least we know

she's with someone that cares about her.

Oh.

I'm sorry about Carli.

You seem

You must have really liked her.

I don't know.

I think it was my fault.

Some of it.

With me and Carli, it was

It was never right.

Why?

Why is the front desk calling me?

You make me feel ♪

Hey, let's go!

- Hey! Hey! Hey!

- Mighty real ♪

Get down.

You make me feel ♪

Happy days, happy days, happy days.

Mighty real ♪

Break it down. Come on!

And it's nice and dark

And the music's in me ♪

And I'm still real hot

Then you kiss me there ♪

Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

And I know you'll love me

Like you should ♪

For months, I've been

giving them board games,

when all they wanted was some brandy.

No wonder they hated me.

How can anybody hate you?

I love you.

I do.

And that can mean

whatever you want it to mean.

I'll be whatever you need me to be.

I could be a friend or

Or more.

Hey, babe.

You ready?

Yeah, sure.

Bye, Cam.

Love is the actual worst, right?

Do you want to get really f*cking drunk?

Yeah.

That is frankly

a suspicious amount of cabbage.

How are you?

Better. Much better.

I think I'm going to be

- Better?

- Yeah.

Look, I know that things got

I'm so sorry.

I know you are.

When I met you,

it was the first time

I felt something stronger than my illness.

And it made me want to get up

every day and keep going and

Hoping for you

made everything brighter.

You have no idea

how many years I've spent

trying to save people who wouldn't let me.

Mia.

I can't save you.

I know. And I don't want you to. I just

You know, we can figure this out and we

Hey.

- We can't.

- No

Not until we learn

to be more than a fantasy to each other.

Not just another fix.

I've got work.

People need their cabbages.

I think today

Is the best day of my life ♪

Gonna rent a bicycle and ride ♪

Around the city

Around the city from nine to five ♪

I think today

Is the best day of my life ♪

f*ck thinking about

The future all the time ♪

Found a love

Now I'm alone and I don't mind ♪

Movie stars in

Black and white pictures ♪

Warm beer and valium mixtures ♪

Am I in a dream?

Crazy as it seems ♪

Didn't think you'd come.

No, neither did I.

I remember the first time

I met Becca, in Year Seven.

I thought she was

the coolest girl I'd ever seen.

And when I first met Will,

I nearly weed myself

from laughing so much.

But I don't remember meeting you.

You know?

'Cause I can't remember a time

when you weren't there by my side.

Making me feel like the whole world

was wherever we were.

Like I was home.

And I wouldn't be alive today

if you hadn't had done what you did.

You saved me, Cam.

I'm so, so lucky.

You're my home too, M.

Sorry I haven't been there for you.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh well, doesn't this

look like a total hoot?

Come on, Shawshank.

Oh ha, ha, ha.

So nice of you

to grace us with your presence.

I think I'm starting to understand

just how much I've put you all through.

And I know I'm not always

an easy person to be friends with.

We're not mad that you're not perfect.

We're not meant to be.

We're meant to accept each other,

warts and all.

It's a verruca.

Cut off on Saturday, in the bin by Sunday.

- That's it. Let's leave it.

- Disgusting.

I just want you to know

I'm going to put the work in.

I'm going to get better.

We're not giving you any other choice.

Mmm.

How'd it go with Alison?

Yeesh.

Well, I wrote her a letter,

but I haven't heard anything back yet.

Just give it a bit more time.

Now all the crying is over,

how are we gonna while away the hours?

Why, you got a hot date with Jonah?

Uh, actually, that's not a thing anymore.

Okay, so when in doubt,

we consult the list, right?

- What's left?

- What's left on the list?

- Get rid of the f*cking list.

- Yeah, let's burn the m*therf*cker.

No, I say we make a new list.

Together. One that's for all of us.

Number one, plan Will a party.

Ugh.

- My birthday is only 53 days away.

- Okay.

Southend?

Bollocks to that.

Let's go on holiday.

How about Greece? Or, no, backpacking.

Excuse me, can you imagine

this face in a hostel?

I know you'll

shaft me with all the admin.

Okay, I think I'm done.

Okay, let's have a look.

- What? Eat in a restaurant?

- Preferably Italian.

Family games night?

- Jenna!

- What?

It's supposed to be aspirational.

I mean, this is just stuff

that anyone could do.

No, not anyone.

Not you or me yet.

I want to be well enough

to just get up every day

and do things that make me happy.

Even small things.

Especially small things.

Like ride a bike. Or eat a sandwich.

I'm so clever. Um

Okay. I want to go somewhere hot.

Am I winning?

Doesn't feel like it.

Feels like a sandwich.

Maybe, for now,

that's enough.

That's everything.

I spent a long time ♪

Thinking about the things

I should change ♪

Trying to make way for a new day ♪

Looking for a reason why I should stay ♪

I spent a long while

Thinking about a place I could go ♪

Haven't seemed too unusual ♪

Take me to the place where I do belong ♪

I spent a long time ♪

Thinking about the things

I should change ♪

Trying to make way for a new day ♪

Looking for a reason why I should stay ♪

I spent a long time ♪

Thinking about the things

I should change ♪

Trying to make way for a new day ♪

Looking for a reason why I should stay ♪

I spent a long while

Thinking about a place I could go ♪

I spent a long time ♪

Thinking about the things

I should change ♪

Trying to make way for a new day