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Ghost (1990)

Ghosts, Monsters, Vampires, Werewolves, and Witches oh my! Halloween/Horror Movie Collection.
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Ghost (1990)

Post by bunniefuu »

{ Thunder Crashing]

(music)(music) [Singing Drunkenly]

[Groans]

Ow!

[Woman Screams]

Oh, m*rder.!

Oh, m*rder.!

m*rder! Help!

A man's gettin' m*rder*d!

m*rder.! Help.! [Screams] Help.!

Help!

[Screaming Continues]

[Screams]

It's Calver Weems!

He's dead!

He's been m*rder*d!

Oh, don't panic!

Don't panic!

Oh, Luther, Luther,

it was terrible!

He was walking along

the street, when bang!

Right on the head.

With that.

Did you see

who did it?

No.

It was just bang!

Right on the head!

With that!

I'll get a picture

of it. Let's see.

F-32. And it's dark.


It's been raining.

And... Oh, for heaven sakes,

stand back, Susanna!

Stand back! Get out of the way!

And for heaven sakes,

don't touch anything.

This is all evidence.

He was just walking

down the street,

when bang!

Right on the head!

All right. I'll get

a picture of the m*rder weapon.

Bang!

Right on the head!

I was just getting ready

to brush my teeth

and watch Lawrence Welk,

when I looked out


the window and bang!

For heaven sakes, Susanna!

Pull yourself together!

I'm going to the police station.

You get on the phone

and call my editor.

Who?

George Beckett!

Tell him to get down

to the police station

as soon as possible.

And for heaven sakes,

whatever you do,

keep your head!

I don't want to

stay here by myself!

Well, I told you

to get on the phone

and call my editor!

Now, go on!

Aah!

Hey, Heggs.

Wait a minute.

Ollie, what are you doin' here?

The price tag on your

suit's hangin' out.

That's my press card,

and you know it.

Beckett called. What's up?

I got a story!

That's what's up!

You just sit tight.

If there's a story,

I'll handle it.

Chief! You'd better get somebody

out to the old Simmons mansion

right away!

A terrible thing happened!

I got the pictures

and everything!

I was coming down the street...

Now, wait a minute, Luther.

Just calm down.

Give it to me nice and slow.

I was comin' down the street...

Too fast.

Yeah, cool it, sport.

What happened, Luther?

Well, I was comin'

down the street...

What's up?

Oh, Mr. Beckett,

I'm glad...

I got this call from

Susanna Blush: Two-by-fours,

Calver Weems, Lawrence Welk...

I'm glad you're here.

I got a real scoop...

pictures and everything.

I've been trying to get the

story from Walter Cronkite here,

but he just won't give.

- What's this all about?

- I don't know.

He's so keyed up.

- Will somebody listen to me?

- All right, Luther.

Just calm down.

Calm? Calm?

Do "m*rder" and "calm"

go together?

"Calm" and "m*rder"?

"m*rder"?

m*rder?

m*rder!

Well, all right, Luther.

Let's hear it.

All right! Well, I was out

on Warren Harding Road...

and I passed the Simmons

mansion when all of a sudden

I heard this scream...

"Help! Help! m*rder!"

m*rder?

Yeah, m*rder.

Quick as a flash,

I whipped my Edsel around,

I sped back

to the scene of the crime,

got out of the car...

and there it was.

Do I have to tell you

how I felt when I saw

it laying there?

Saw what?

The dead body

of Calver Weems.

He'd been bludgeoned

to death by a board.

I'd better get

somebody out there

right away.

Did you see that happen?

No, Susanna Blush saw it.

She's an eyewitness.

- Susanna Blush.

- Yeah. Lives across the street.

An eyewitness.

Was she on the street?

No, she saw it from an upstairs

window. Eyewitness, though.

You said that, sonny.

Did you get pictures

of the body?

Left, right,

profile, head-on.

Fine, fine.

[Chief]

You actually saw

the m*rder weapon, Luther?

Yeah, a two-by-four.

I got a picture of it.

Two-by-four?

Yeah!

What's up?

Don't bother us now, Calver.

We got a m*rder

on our ha...

Calver!

Calver, what are you

doing here? You're dead!

I knew it. I knew it.

I'm sorry, Chief.

But... I saw you

layin' there...

I want this drunk

thrown in the tank.

Throw me in the tank?

She's the one that hit me!

With a board that thick!

What are you tryin' to do?

Make a fool out of me?

You don't need

much help, scoop.

Put him in number three.

But you're dead!

I am not.

I saw ya!

I did too!

You did not!

You didn't.

Didn't!

Did! Did!

Didn't! Didn't! Didn't!

Did! Did! Did!

All right, you two.

That's enough.

Come on, loved one.

But...

But I got the pictures

and everything.

Luther, from now on,

let Ollie and me

run the paper

and write the stories.

You just keep

setting the type. Hmm?

But I was sure...

Good night, Luther.

Nice work... scoop.

[Men Chuckling]

[Guffawing]

Scoop!

Yeah.

Calver looked so natural!

I got to get a new suit

for the funeral.

Wonder who done him in?

I can't wait to read the

morning paper and find out.

All right, you two guys.

You just better watch it.

You see these two hands?

They're just as hard

as steel.

Hey, look at him, Billy Ray.

He's a karate champion.

We better watch ourselves.

Go ahead, Luth.

Yeah, do something.

Why don't you run up

an alley and holler "fish"?

Wait. Then,

all of a sudden,

in walks Calver Weems.

And Luther says to him,

"Cal, what are you

doing here?

You're dead.! '"

[All Laughing]

We shouldn't laugh.

We really shouldn't.

[Ollie] You know, he took

a close-up of a two-by-four.

Can you imagine that?

Morning, everybody.

Good morning, Luther.

Morning, scoop.

A person is never dead

until their pulse

is stopped, Luther.

Mr. Ace Reporter,

would you pass

the marmalade, please?

Lay off,

will ya, Ollie?

Oh, now, Ollie,

enough is enough.

I don't blame Luther

one iota.

If I'd seen someone laying

in front of that spooky place,

I'd think he was dead too.

It's a m*rder house.

I wouldn't go near there

for $100.

I wouldn't go

near there for 200.

Three hundred.

Four.

Five.

Six.

[Woman]

Girls, girls, please.

Anyway, it's a m*rder house.

m*rder and suicide.

m*rder and suicide.

Well, thank the good Lord

they're finally tearing

that place down.

Tearing it down?

Mm-hmm.

Ephraigm Simmons's nephew

came to town two days ago.

Nicholas!

Nick!

Anyway, he's finally getting

the will probated.

I hear he's gonna

bulldoze it to the ground.

Didn't they question him

about that m*rder

at the time?

Mm-hmm.

He was cleared.

I never liked his eyes.

So dark.

His eyes were blue.

Dark eyes.

Girls, really.

All the Simmonses

had the Simmons eyes.

[Car Horn Honking]

Oh. It's Alma, Ollie.

Tell her I'll be

right out.

- Good morning, Alma.

- Oh, good morning,

Mrs. Miller!

He's still eating, Alma.

Why don't you come in

for some coffee?

Oh, no, thank you.

I'll just stay out here

and get some sun.

Oh. As you wish, dear.

Ooh! Love that print!

Thank you.

I got it at Belson's.

Three ninety-five.

She's an awful sweet girl.

Yeah, she's a good kid.

My niece Malva bought

a print at Belson's.

It was red, and had

yellow flowers...

across the...

the bosoms.

Uh... [Clears Throat]

Would you excuse me

for just a minute?

You know,

I'll never understand...

why old Mr. Simmons

m*rder*d his wife.

Everyone knows

Ephraigm was crazy.

They all had cold eyes

with thin lids.

[Door Shuts]

Toast, please, Ollie.

Mmm, sure.

Hi, Luther!

Oh! Hi, Alma.

I didn't hear you

come up.

Oh, well, I was just, uh...

[Clears Throat]

Uh... How you doin'?

Fine. I just love

the sun, don't you?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, l...

I've always

liked the sun.

[Chuckles]

- Love your print.

- Oh, thank you.

Mrs. Cobb's niece Malva

bought a print

down at Belson's.

It's red with yellow flowers

across the...

Ooh! Boy, that sun really

beats down on a...

Hi, Ollie!

Metal car.

Good morning, Sugar.

Boy, you look like

a million bucks.

Thank you!

[Engine Starts]

Oh, Luther. Calver Weems

said not to tell

anybody he's dead...

until he says so.

Oh, good morning, Bill.

Good morning.

Oh, good morning,

Eileen.

My, oh, my,

what a lovely sweater.

You know,

of all your sweaters,

I love this one the most.

Mr. Simmons is waiting,

Mr. Maxwell.

Hmm?

Oh, oh, yes.

Good morning, Nicholas.

Oh, I'm so sorry

that I'm late.

But we had a seance

at the house last night,

and it ran on

until all hours.

It was a surprise

seance for Mrs. Maxwell.

Her birthday, you know.

Don't tell me

you believe in that

sort of thing, Milo.

Well, it means the world

and all to Mrs. Maxwell.

Did you sign the papers?

Is the title clear?

The title?

Uh, the papers?

Oh. Oh, oh, oh, the house.

Yes, the house.

Well, uh, no, no.

As a matter of fact, no.

But, uh, Delroy Flemming

promises to sign

the quick deed today.

- That'll be it, then?

- Well, I sign after,

then that should

finalize it.

I can get my bulldozers

in on Monday, then.

Well, now, I don't

understand that, Nicholas.

Why bulldoze it down?

If you took it down piece

by piece, you could sell

some of that beautiful woodwork.

Your uncle imported

all that hand-carved work.

That must be worth a fortune.

I haven't the time.

I've got to get back

to Chicago.

Now, you're sure

that I can start

on Monday, then?

Well, l... I foresee

no problems, Nicholas.

Good.

I don't know. You try

and you try and you try,

and what do you get?

Heartaches!

Now wait a minute,

Luther.

You didn't do so bad.

Your pictures

turned out nice.

You had a good m*rder story

going there.

Only trouble was,

nobody got k*lled.

Oh, Mr. Boob.

That's me.

B-double-O-B...

boob!

You know why you thought

you saw a m*rder

out there, Luther?

'Cause that's a m*rder house.

Oh, they can't tear it down

too soon for me,

I'll tell you that.

- Tear it down?

Who's tearing it down?

- Nick Simmons.

But he can't do that

without the bank

okaying it.

He doesn't have clear

title to that property.

The bank's got a lien on it.

Well, I guess

he's getting all that

cleared up.

Oh. So he's back in town,

is he?

That's what they say.

Oh, Mr. News.

I need a three-inch

item for a filler.

"Mr. News."

I'll fill him someday.

So little Nick is finally

getting his way, eh?

What did you say,

Mr. Kelsey?

You know, Luther,

I was working out there

at the time of the m*rder.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

I was the gardener.

Is that right?

Young Mrs. Simmons

was a beautiful,

beautiful woman.

Sparkling black eyes

and skin like alabaster.

The old man was crazy jealous.

You know, Luther,

it was just 20 years ago

this week...

they were both

found dead.

This week?

They say what

happened was this.

The two of them was in

the master bedroom arguin'.

He was in a jealous rage.

Suddenly he became violent.

Stabbed her right in

the throat. They never

did find out what with.

Then he went

completely loco.

He ran up into

the tower, blood dripping

from his hands,

and played that

pipe organ of his.

It was midnight, Luther,

and he sat there...

playin' and laughin'

and screamin'

to beat the band.

When the music

reached its peak,

he suddenly jumped up

and threw himself

out the window.

They say the ghost

of old man Simmons...

still climbs the tower...

and plays the organ...

at midnight.

[Ollie]

Luther.!

Aah!

Let's have

that filler.!

[Door Shuts]

Well, me, I just don't happen

to believe in ghosts...

particularly.

You know, Luther,

I got an idea...

how you could write

a story for the paper.

How?

That filler.

I think folks'd be interested

in reading about

the Simmons case again.

It bein' the 20th

anniversary and all.

You mean, write

my own story instead of

using a standard filler?

Sure.

Do you think

I dare do that?

'Course you do.

You know why?

Huh?

'Cause you got spunk.

You... You know,

I guess I got that

from my mother.

She had

plenty of spunk.

All right.

Let's see.

It was just, uh,

20 years ago...

come this Tuesday...

that the bodies

of Mr. And Mrs. Simmons

were found.

Mr. Beckett.! Mr. Beckett.

Oh, hello,

Mrs. Maxwell.

Oh, it's wonderful.

The whole town's

talking about it.

I mean, the article

on the Simmons mansion.

Absolutely delicious.

Well, thank you.

I've had a lot of nice

comment about that.

You know,

my group and I

have always felt...

there's a very active

spirit life in that

old house.

You mean, spooks?

Ohh!

We prefer "manifestations."

Well, keep up the good work.

I must run.

Say, Ollie. Good reaction

on that story on the Simmons

place. Do more on it.

Do more? I haven't done

anything on it yet.

Nick Simmons won't even see me.

You mean,

you didn't write this?

[Coughing]

[Ollie]

No, this isn't mine.

My idea was the passing

of a landmark.

Well, if you didn't

write it, and I

didn't write it,

who did?

[Loud Coughing]

Um, do you know something

about this, Mr. Kelsey?

Oh, what was that?

I'm afraid I wasn't

following the conversation.

Oh. This.

Oh, the Luther Heggs story.

Luther!

I should have known

this was Luther's work.

Here, get this.

"The horribleness and the

awfulness of it will never

actually be forgotten"?

You know, tomorrow night

is the 20th anniversary...

of the m*rder

and suicide.

We ought to capitalize

on it. Do it with

a fresh approach.

I think somebody ought to

spend the anniversary night

in the house.

I've got an idea. I think

somebody ought to spend the

anniversary night in the house.

Hey, great!

Leave it to me. I'll get in

a little before midnight...

No, no.

Not you, Ollie.

What we need is somebody

with a-a wild imagination.

Someone who's a bit

of a coward.

Someone who's

a-a little superstitious.

Luther, you all right?

[Luther]

I'm fine.

Luther! Of course!

But he can't write!

You'll help him.

Uh, Luther?

Oh, yes, sir?

Congratulations

on that filler.

It was a great story.

Oh! Well, thank you.

L-I was hoping

you wouldn't mind.

We're gonna do

a, uh, follow-up.

Front-page lead,

and you're going

to write it.

A... A byline for me?

Oh, for gosh sakes!

- Do you believe in ghosts?

- Oh, you ought to know better

than to ask that, Chief.

The supernatural

doesn't bother you?

Not a speck.

Uh, do haunted houses

scare you?

They're mortar,

stone and wood.

Well, good, because you're

gonna spend the m*rder

night in the Simmons house.

Alone.

Oh, well, now...

[Clears Throat]

Just a second.

Uh... Uh...

What's the matter, Ace?

You scared?

Oh, well, heck, no.

You kiddin'?

It's just that I, uh,

got to check

my bowling schedule

and everything.

Oh, well,

you think it over, Luther,

and let us know tomorrow.

[Door Shuts]

This is a great chance

for you, Luther.

Oh, yeah.

Why don't you go

out there tonight

and just look it over?

Yeah. Maybe

I'll do that.

I mean, after all,

it's only mortar...

Stone...

Stone...

And wood.

And wood.

- [Yowls]

- [Gasps]

[Footsteps Approaching]

[Footsteps Stop]

[Footsteps Resume]

Aah!

Luther Heggs.

Nicholas Simmons.

What are you

doing in front of my house?

What are you asking for it?

It's not for sale.

I'm tearing it down.

Oh, well, I guess

I'll just have to...

build.

Luther! Hi.

Oh, hi, Alma.

[Chuckles]

Oh, you, you going

to lunch?

No, just on my way in

to have lunch.

Going to have lunch, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well...

What time is it?

Hmm? Oh, uh, 12:00.

Yeah, well, that's

lunchtime, all right.

Yes, it is.

Why don't we have

lunch together?

Oh, yeah!

Okay.

Oh, first...

I have to mail this

for Mr. Beckett right away.

I'll get us a booth

and order for you.

What would you like?

Well...

[Stammering]

Chicken noodle soup.

Okay, fine.

See you in a minute.

I'm having

chicken noodle soup

with Alma!

Oh, well, this was

the only table left,

but this gentleman

is just about finished.

I'm almost up

to my Jell-O.

Oh. Oh, well...

[Clears Throat]

Did you happen to see

yesterday's paper?

Mm-hmm.

What did you

think of it?

What do you mean?

The story on

the Simmons place.

Oh, yes,

I did see that.

That was mine.

Really?

[Chuckles]

Gee, I didn't know you were

a reporter. I thought you were

just a typesetter.

Oh, well, no.

I am now,

yeah, but, I mean,

that's just background.

I'm working

my way up.

Oh, I see.

I have a certificate

from the Kansas City

Correspondence College...

in journalism,

you know.

Rafe Henderson came

out of there, you know.

Oh.

Who's Rafe Henderson?

He's the one that covered

that famous dead whale story.

You know, where that whale

washed up on the beach

in San Francisco?

Laid there

for three weeks.

Ugh.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh.

Thank you.

Uh, who gets the soup?

Yours truly.

Oh.

Just put it

right there.

Okay.

Uh... can you manage?

Oh, sure.

Do you have any more

assignments?

Well, as

a matter of fact,

it's just possible

that something very big

is about to break.

[Clears Throat]

Don't mention this

to anybody.

I may do a follow-up

on the Simmons story.

Ooh.

They want me to spend

tonight in the Simmons house.

It's the 20th anniversary

of their m*rder/suicide,

you know.

I know. Gee, that's

an exciting idea.

You know, even though

most people say they don't

believe in ghosts,

it takes an awful lot of nerve

to spend the night in that

spooky old place.

Mmm. Spunk.

Are you gonna do it?

Well...

Uh, aren't you through

with your Jell-O?

Hi, baby. Sorry

I couldn't have lunch

with you.

Ollie, that's Luther's chair.

Oh, what's the word,

Heggs?

You gonna spend

the night in the house

or aren't you?

Well, l...

I'm giving two to one

all over town...

that you're not gonna do it,

and I'm not getting

too many takers either.

Well, I'll tell you something,

Ollie. I'm afraid you're gonna

lose a lot of money!

Because come 11:30 tonight,

I'll be there!

Good-bye, Alma.

Put that on my tab.

You haven't got

a tab.

Luther.

Mr. Deligondo is

getting you his flashlight.

He'll, uh... He'll be here

in just a minute.

I was only two blocks away

that awful night...

at my sister Clara's.

We were sort of listening

to the organ, you know.

The midnight bells

were ringing.

I turned to Clara

and I said,

"Clara,

the organ music sounds

strange tonight."

Well, what did

Clara say?

She said,

"Yes, it does."

You know Clara.

Well,

they say there are still

bloodstains on the organ keys.

That's right.

They've never been able

to get them off.

And they used Bon Ami.

[Mrs. Miller]

Everybody says

he still comes there...

and plays at midnight.

Doesn't play as well

as he used to.

You mean, you've

heard him play?

[Clock Chiming]

It's time

to go, Luther.

Uh, yeah.

[Clears Throat]

Yeah, well, I'm gonna...

g-go over there now.

Well, uh,

I, uh, I guess

this is it.

I'll s...

Good-bye, Luther!

Uh, well, I'll see you

in the morning.

God willing.

[Thunder Crashing]

[Growls]

[Gasping]

Ollie!

I'm just putting your

adrenaline in shape, kid.

Well, my adrenaline is

just fine, thank you.

You're really going

in there, huh?

Of course I'm going in there!

What do you think I came

out here for? Not to

go in there?

Well, don't get

so excited, fella.

Well, you know why

I'm excited? I'll tell you

why I'm excited.

Because of you!

That's why I'm excited.

Oh, come on, Luther.

You're scared and

you know it. You want me

to go in there with you?

No, I don't want you

to go in there with me.

Oh, you'd love that,

wouldn't you?

Sharing all the glory.

Well, for your information,

fella, I work single-o.

Just me, myself and I.

Okay, Ace.

She's all yours.

See you around.

[Creaking, Thumping]

Ollie?

[Creaking]

[Thudding]

[Owl Hooting]

[Creaking]

[Wind Howling]

[Cat Yowling]

[Gasps]

Oh!

[Gasps]

Rachel Courier Express.!

My flashlight.

[Faint Chittering]

(music)(music) [Jazz: Very High Speed]

(music)(music) [Stops]

[Chuckling]

[Chittering Resumes]

(music)(music) [Humming]

[Gasping, Screaming]

[Thunder Crashing]

Big ghost.

Boo.

Mrs. Simmons.

[Thunder Crashing]

[Thudding]

[Cat Yowling]

[Shouting]

[Thunder Crashing]

[Thudding]

[Chains Rattling]

[Chains Rattling]

[Thudding]

[Chains Rattling]

[Chains Rattling]

[Rattling, Thumping]

- [Zipper Zips]

- [Teeth Chattering]

[Thudding]

Who's there?

[Ethereal Laughing]

Is that you, Ollie?

Ollie, you...

You trying to

scare me, Ollie?

[Ethereal Laughing]

You in that other room there?

You tryin' to scare me?

Darn you guys!

I'll show you!

Holy Toledo.

[Thunder Crashing]

Blood.

[Clock Chiming]

(music)(music) [Minor Key]

It was terrible!

It was just terrible!

Okay, now, Luther.

Tell us what happened.

It was terrible!

It was just terrible!

Oh, no! He's gonna cry!

Now, steady, now, Luther.

Tell us about it.

It was terrible!

It was just terrible!

I'll never get over it

as long as I live!

Hey, great

opening line. Uh,

"I'll never get over it

as long as I live."

Okay, Luther.

Go on.

I got to house...

lightning, thunder...

Swoosh, zoom!

Down coal chute!

"I arrived

at the house.

"Giving careful consideration

to the most advantageous

means of entry,

I selected

the coal chute. '"

[Chief]

"Once inside,

I had a look around,

"then made myself comfortable

for the night.

"Suddenly there was

a strange knocking

on the wall.

I remained cool."

I'll bet.

"Moving swiftly, I found myself

in the organ loft.

"There it was,

the massive organ...

"shrouded in cobwebs,

its once-beautiful

ivory keys...

still covered with the stains

of young Mrs. Simmons's blood."

And they used Bon Ami.

"Later, I descended

to the first floor.

"There, I was to see

the most horrifying

display of all...

"in this bloody

parade of terror.

"The portrait of young

Mrs. Simmons had been

stabbed in the throat...

"with what appeared to be

a pair of gardeners'

pruning shears."

You've never seen

anything like it!

I'll talk

to you later.

Hey, Al!

Run off another 500.

They're selling like hotcakes.

We've made some sort of hero

out of Luther, and that Simmons

place is the talk of the town.

Come on.

[Door Shuts]

I'm sorry, Mrs. Maxwell.

Nicholas Simmons

gave me strict orders.

No one's allowed

on this property.

Mr. Fuller, you don't

seem to understand.

We are followers.

We're on the path

of the occult.

I'm afraid you won't find

anything like that

around here.

Well, it's obvious

you don't understand.

Our society

is dedicated...

to contacting

the other world.

The Communists?

The spiritual world.

Mrs. Maxwell!

Mrs. Maxwell!

The cosmic

vibrations!

Coming, coming.

[Crowd Murmuring]

Oh, the divine

emanations from it.

Hail, cosmic chief.

Taro.! Caro.!

Salamond.!

All right, ladies.

Break it up.

That's it for today.

No demonstrating

without a permit.

You have no right

to bar us from this house.

I've got my orders.

Then I'll have

those orders changed.

Well, you'd better do it soon.

They're gonna

tear it down Monday.

[All Gasping]

Tear it down?

By whose orders?

Nicholas Simmons,

the owner.

Are you sure?

Positive.

This citadel of the divine,

destroyed?

Never!

[All Clamoring]

Milo, look at me

when I talk to you.

Halcyon, I promised

Nicholas Simmons...

that I would clear the title

by the first of the week.

Then you haven't signed

the final papers yet?

Well, no.

No, I haven't.

Milo,

do you realize how long

it's been since we've had

a local manifestation?

We always have to go

out of town, as far away

as Wooster, Ohio.

Oh, Halcyon...

Now, don't

"Oh, Halcyon" me, Milo.

You don't seem to realize

the cosmic importance of this.

Why, this is bigger

than the whispering steeple

in Kansas City.

It's bigger than

the headless ballet dancer

in Dublin, Ireland.

And it's even bigger

than the day

our dear Theresa...

received that personal message

from Rudolph Valentino

in Toledo.

Milo, you will not

sign those papers.

Oh, but dear...

You won't.

But dear...

You won't.

But...

I own 51%

of the bank stock.

I won't.

Milo, you didn't eat

your tapioca.

No wonder you have

a nervous stomach.

What kind of a man

runs his bank on

the whims of his wife?

Well, you just don't know

Mrs. Maxwell.

In the name of heaven, man,

I've waited 20 years

for this!

Well, she owns 51%

of the bank's stock,

for pete's sake.

Don't tell me your wife

believes all that

Luther Heggs hogwash!

With all her heart.

She came home last night

and vibrated for an hour.

Let me get this straight.

You mean, you're not

gonna sign the papers?

Well, l... l...

I just can't, Nick.

All right.

What are you going to do?

When I get through

with Luther Heggs,

nobody will believe him

when he says "Good morning."

(music)[Band]

Where on earth

is Luther?

He'll be late

for his own speech.

Celebrities are

never on time.

There's Alma. Hi, Alma!

Hi, ladies.

Have you seen Ollie?

I heard him say

he wasn't coming.

I believe his nose

is out of joint

on account of Luther.

[Chuckling]

Oh! Here comes Luther!

[Crowd Cheering]

(music)["For He's

A Jolly Good Fellow'"]

Hi, hi, hi.

Hello. Hi. How are you?

Hello. Hello.

Good to see you.

Uh, hi!

- Over here, Luther!

- Oh! Hi!

[Chuckling]

How are ya?

How are ya?

Mr. Mayor.

All you people who aren't

Chamber of Commerce,

clear the table area.

[People Complaining]

Only C of C people here.

Come on. Clear the area.

Clear the area.

Oh, no. Not you, Mr. Heggs.

You stay right where you are.

You too, miss.

That's Alma Parker.

I guess, um, being

with you makes me

some sort of celebrity.

Well...

How are ya?

Are you alone?

Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm.

Oh. Well...

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Can I have

your autograph,

Mr. Heggs?

It's not for me.

It's for my father.

Sure.

Autograph.

There you go.

He's cute.

Yeah.

I get to feed

the speaker!

That's Loretta Pine.

I know.

I just love good food.

So do I.

Do you?

Uh-huh.

You know, you and I

are a lot alike.

My mother liked

good food.

Oh.

She always used to say,

"I'd rather eat good food

than bad food any old

day of the week."

I guess we're having

lunch together again.

Yes, we are.

Would you like to have

lunch some evening?

Oh, uh, that is

to say, of course,

uh, that would be dinner.

Well, l...

l-I understand.

I understand.

You and Ollie

and everything.

Not necessarily.

Y-You mean,

you and Ollie aren't, uh...

Not as much

as people think.

Oh.

Would you like to have

dinner Sunday night?

Yeah.

Fine.

[Deputy] You're okay.

You're C of C. You're okay.

You're C of C.

You're okay.

You're not C of C,

but you're okay.

You're C of C,

and you're okay.

You're C of C,

and you're okay.

You're...

You're not C of C.

I'm Rotary.

Get out of here!

Who are you

shovin' around, huh?

Thank you, Billy

and Norma Jean Wexler.

And that concludes

the musical portion

of our program.

And now,

ladies and gentlemen,

it is a great honor

and a privilege to present...

the head of our

Chamber of Commerce

and the mayor of our town,

Carlyle Preston.

[Cheering]

[Man]

Atta boy, Carl!

[People Laughing]

My fellow citizens of Rachel.

[Microphone Feeds Back]

Well, the electrician

must be a Democrat.

[Man]

Atta boy, Carl.

[People Laughing]

Rachel has been humming

for the past few days,

and I really don't have to

tell you why.

There's been an old house

in this town for years...

that, if the truth

be known,

folks have been afraid

to go near.

I know I have.

[Laughter]

But one of our very own

had the pluck to go in.

And that name has been

on every tongue.

And the name of that person

who's been on every tongue...

is none other than...

and I really don't

have to say it...

Luther Heggs!

[All Cheering]

[Clears Throat]

Thank you, Mayor,

and fellow Rachelanians.

[Microphone Feeding Back]

[Feedback Stops]

That electrician

must be a Democrat.

[Clears Throat]

Th...

Thank you, M-Mayor,

and fellow Rachelanians.

[Clears Throat]

I am proud

to be here today.

[Man]

Atta boy, Luther.

[Laughter]

Uh, when I was

asked to be...

guest speaker

at this luncheon,

I asked myself this:

"Who are you,

Luther Heggs,

to be a guest speaker

at this luncheon?"

I thought about

my answer about being

a guest speaker...

for a long time.

Wh-What is

a guest speaker?

Let me clarify this.

I have been called brave.

What is brave?

Let me clarify this.

Of course, we all know

that it is short...

for bravery.

That goes without

even being said.

But it is

also a symbol...

of another thing.

It is a symbol...

of doing one's duty...

no matter what is

scaring him... personally.

[Man]

Atta boy, Luther.

[Laughter]

Take your World w*r II.

There were many heroes

in World w*r II.

What were your heroes?

Who were your heroes?

Let me clarify this.

Thank you for having me.

[Applause]

(music)(music) ["For He's

A Jolly Good Fellow"]

Taro, caro,

salamond.!

Thank you.

[Applause]

Are you Luther Heggs,

1347 Lucerne Road?

You know me,

Lester.

Loved your speech, Luther.

Thank you. What do you

want me to write on this?

Nothing.

You don't write

on a summons.

Summons?

Summons?

He got a summons.

He got a summons!

[Crowd Murmuring]

Well, exactly what is libel,

Mr. Beckett?

It's when you print

an untruth about someone

that damages them, Luther.

Well, who did I damage?

"Whom."

Whom?

The Simmons' family name.

Mr. Simmons.

Room 51.

Step down.

Mr. Heggs,

can I have

your autograph?

He wants my autograph.

Sure.

Just draw a little

ghost under it there.

Okay.

Thank you.

Gentlemen.

My attorney,

Mr. Whitlow.

Mr. Whitlow.

Mr. Whitlow.

Well, let's get

right down to business.

Heggs, as you know,

I'm suing you personally,

and Beckett, I'm suing

the Rachel Courier Express,

of which you are

editor and owner.

Now, if I win this suit,

and I will,

I'm going to

take the paper.

And if I take Beckett's paper,

where are you going to work,

Mr. Heggs?

I don't know. Chicago Trib,

Pittsburgh Press maybe.

Now, I don't wanna sue and waste

all that time in court,

so I have an

alternative to offer.

Simply publish the fact

that this story is...

a figment of Heggs' imagination

and I'll call off the suit.

What do you say?

In other words, you want

a retraction. Is that it?

Exactly.

Luther, tell me once more

that what you said happened

really happened.

It happened.

The wall did open?

Whoosh, right open.

And the organ?

Played and played

and played.

Nobody at it?

Not a soul,

just cobwebs.

And the shears

in the throat?

Shears in the throat!

No retraction.

All right,

we'll see you in court.

Heggs, when I get you

on the stand, I'm gonna

tear you to shreds.

Just who do you

think you are?

A little pip-squeak like you

fighting us in court?

Just who do you

think you are?

Drop dead!

That's who!

Right, Mr. Beckett?

Mr. Beck... Mr. Beck...

Mr. Beckett? Mr. Beckett?

Boy, you should've heard me

telling them off back there.

Well, you better save your

breath for the courtroom.

You're gonna need it.

Step up, please.

I'm sorry, Mr. Heggs.

Boy, that was just about

the best pounded steak

I ever ate.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Mother really is

a wonderful cook.

Oh, yes, she is.

Boy, a guy could get fat.

What was that you just did?

Oh, that was just...

That's karate.

I didn't know

you knew karate.

Oh, yeah.

I've been studying it

by mail for years.

My whole body's a weapon.

Well,

that's worthwhile.

Yeah.

Would you like

to sit down?

Oh, sure. Mm-hmm.

[Sighs]

It's nice out.

Yeah.

I guess you think

I'm worried about

this trial business tomorrow.

Oh, well...

Well, it's all

part of the game.

A newspaper man has to

do whatever comes along.

Everything will be

all right. You'll see.

I've never been on one

of those stands before.

You'll do just fine.

Alma, do you think

I'm crazy?

Luther, what

a silly question.

Well, some people

seem to think so.

You know very well the

whole town is behind you.

Billy Ray Fox

and guys like that ain't.

Well, Billy Ray Fox's opinion

isn't worth a hill of beans.

Hill of beans.

You know something,

Alma?

What?

[Clears Throat]

A-Alma?

Hmm?

W-Well, the-the thing

is this, Alma.

I mean, well,

you're a darn attractive girl.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, well, that's okay.

Me, I'm a... I'm a...

I'm a guy...

and, well, I mean...

what I mean to say is...

you-you take your average guy

and your above-average girl.

And, well,

the point is...

that people, well...

[Stammering]

What I'm trying

to say is...

that average, average is just...

just is darn lucky...

to be sittin' on the same porch

with above-average.

And what I mean

by that is...

Luther.

Are you trying to say

that you like me?

Yeah.

I like you too,

Luther.

[Yelling, Shouting]

I'm sorry, folks, I'm sorry,

but the courtroom is all filled.

Now let's get this door

cleared, please. Please!

[Crowd Groaning]

Look, here comes Luther!

[Cheering]

Go get 'em, Luther.!

Go get 'em.!

Good luck, Luther.

Thank you.

What was that all about?

What?

That cute little nip

on the cheek.

What's going on?

You don't own me, Ollie.

You never did.

Oh.

Well, excuse me.

[All]

Taro, caro, salamond.

Yeah, that's right.

[Man]

Atta boy, Luther.!

Norman.

Hi, Mr. Springer.

How are you feelin',

Luther?

Oh, 3-0.

Boy, this place

is really buzzin'.

Yeah.

[Women Hissing]

Hi, ladies.

Have you got

a clean hankie?

Yeah.

This may cost me my job,

but I hope they fry you.

What'd he say?

Uh, nothing.

[Bailiff]

All rise.

Oyez, oyez, oyez.

District court of Rachel County

is now in session.

Judge Harley Nash presid...

It's all right,

Charley, I'm here.

All right, you folks,

let's have a little quiet here.

[Man] Atta boy, George.!

Now, uh, this is

a case of libel.

Nicholas Simmons versus

Luther Heggs, Miles Beckett

and the Rachel Courier Express.

Where's my water, Charley?

Okay, Mr. Whitlow,

you can start it up.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the jury,

I intend to prove...

[Charley]

Here's your water, Judge.

Thank you, Charley.

Where's the Bible?

I haven't got it.

Haven't you got it?

No, I haven't got it.

I left it right here.

Can't run a court

without a Bible.

Arnold, you got the Bible?

Oh, thanks, Arnold.

Here it is, Judge.

Arnold had it.

[Man]

Atta boy, Arnold.!

[Laughter]

Thank you, Tom.

All right, Mr. Whitlow,

you can start her up again.

Thank you, Your Honor.

Ladies and gentlemen

of the jury,

it is my intent to prove that

Luther Heggs did willfully

and with full intent...

concoct and publish

a fabrication injurious...

to the family name of

my client, Nicholas Simmons.

I will prove, in fact,

that this fabrication...

is the product of

the imagination of a man...

whose dreams and ramblings

are a danger to this community.

He's trying to say I'm crazy.

With your permission,

Your Honor,

I should like to call

my first witness,

Miss Neva Tremaine.

Miss Neva Tremaine.

Who is she?

She's my old

grade school teacher.

Ma'am, just right

up to the stand.

You wanna put your left hand

on the Bible and raise

your right hand, please.

You solemnly swear to tell

the truth, the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,

so help you God?

Mm-hmm. I do.

Charley, your fingernails.

I had a flat

on the way to work.

Be seated, please.

Would you state your name

and address, please?

Mm-hmm.

Neva Tremaine,

312 "E" Street,

Rachel, Kansas.

- And your occupation, please.

- Schoolteacher.

Willow Road Elementary School,

third grade, retired.

Was there one Luther Heggs

a student of yours?

Mm-hmm, he was.

Hi, Luther.

[Whitlow]

How would you describe

Mr. Heggs as a boy?

[Tremaine]

Oh, Luther was

a very good boy.

He got three blue stars

in deportment...

and three gold stars

in penmanship.

[Laughter]

How else would

you describe him?

He was painfully thin

and very keyed up.

Would you elaborate on that

phrase, "keyed up"?

Well, let's see.

Well, for one thing,

he never ate the crusts

on his sandwiches at lunch.

I object.

I move that that statement

be stricken from the record.

A lot of people trim

the crust on their bread.

Young man,

he didn't trim them.

He ate the inside out

and left the crust.

[Laughter]

Overruled.

[Whitlow]

And more specifically,

Miss Tremaine,

how else did he behave,

being keyed up, I mean?

His shoes

fell off a lot.

But I suppose that

could be because he was

so thin and ran so much.

- Was he a talkative boy?

- Well, when he had

a good story to tell.

And Luther made up

some beauties.

What kind of stories,

Miss Tremaine?

Oh, wild things.

Can you recall any

of them specifically?

Well, I remember

he told all the boys...

that he found a real skeleton

in MacQueen's barn.

Of a squirrel! A squirrel!

I never said a person skeleton!

[Gavel Bangs]

Now you just quiet down,

Luther, or I'm gonna

have to cite you for contempt.

They were my brother's shoes.

That's why they fell off.

Atta boy, Luther.!

[Laughter]

[Judge]

Quiet down now, folks.

Do you recall any other of

Mr. Heggs' imaginative

ramblings, Miss Tremaine?

Oh, lots of things.

He told MaryJane Panucci...

that the filling

in his eyetooth...

was a shortwave radio...

and he used to get messages

from Admiral Byrd.

[Laughter]

I only wanted her to like me.

[Judge]

Go on, Miss Tremaine.

Well,

I remember...

I once asked my students

to write a theme called,

"My father."

And Luther wrote that his father

was really the Prince of Wales,

but that there was

a mix-up at the hospital.

[Laughter]

[Gavel Banging]

Your witness.

No questions.

You can step down now, Neva.

Thank you, Harley.

I hope I helped you,

Luther.

Don't you worry

about a thing, Luther.

I've got a surprise

witness coming in.

Thank you, Your Honor.

I'll proceed.

- Your full name, sir.

- Gaylord Patie.

And what is your occupation?

I'm a certified public

accountant for the state.

Now, then, I understand

that you, Mr. Patie,

have heard the organ playing

in the Simmons mansion.

Am I correct, sir?

You are.

I have heard organ music

coming from the tower

of the Simmons mansion...

on three

separate occasions.

[Crowd Gasping]

That's why I came

to you, Mr. Springer.

And at what time

did you hear this music?

At the stroke

of midnight.

And what else have you heard

coming from the

Simmons mansion, Mr. Patie?

On the first occasion,

a woman's scream.

And on the second

and third occasions,

a man's scream.

What kind of screams

were they, Mr. Patie?

Wild, maniacal screams.

[Crowd Gasping]

Thank you.

Your witness.

Mr. Patie, I understand that

you're president of the

International Conclave...

For Unidentified

Flying Objects.

That is correct, sir.

- Where was your last meeting?

- On Mars.

[Laughter]

[Gavel Banging]

You may step down.

Wait till I get

Heggs on the stand.

Luther Heggs

to the stand, please.

Luther Heggs.

Taro, caro, salamond.

Luther, what is

that all about?

Uh, taro, caro,

salamond.

Oh. Well, you lodge women,

you just sit down

and keep seated.

All right, Charley,

swear in the witness.

Put your left hand

on the Bible and raise

your right hand, please.

You swear to tell the truth,

the whole truth,

and nothing but the truth,

so help you God?

I do.

Be seated.

All right, Mr. Whitlow.

Your, uh...

Your full name is Luther Heggs,

is that correct?

Yes, sir.

Do you mind if

I call you Luther?

Fine.

Relax, son.

Oh, I am.

I'll try not to keep you

on the stand any longer

than necessary, Luther.

Oh, I don't mind.

It's all part of the game.

What game is that?

The newspaper game.

Oh, I see. You really

love the newspaper game,

don't you, Luther?

Yeah, I sure do.

I guess if you cut me,

I'd bleed ink.

That's very funny.

Thank you.

You certainly have

a flair for turning

a colorful phrase, Luther.

Well... Well,

when you work with words,

words are your work.

Mmm, bravo.

Yes, I expect you learn

a good deal about words down

there in that typesetting room.

Oh, I'm just filling in time

in the typesetting room.

Oh, I see. You'd do anything

to become a full-time

reporter, is that correct?

Well, sure. Who wouldn't?

After all, a chance...

Including exaggerating

and fabricating, eh?

Gotta be a fool to... What?

I'm asking you a question!

Can't you curb your

imagination for one minute?

Can't you curb your

tongue for a minute?

Atta boy, Luther.!

[Gavel Banging]

Quiet down.

Isn't it true, Heggs,

that you were offered

a full-time job as a reporter...

if you brought back

a sensational story

from that house?

A story which, in truth,

you made up

out of your own head.

No, that's not true.

I saw those things.

- Yes, yes.

- I heard those things!

He heard those things.

[Gavel Banging]

Those church bells rang!

Yes, yes!

The organ played!

Oh, yes, it played.

I saw the bloodstains

on the keys,

and they're still there!

And they used Bon Ami!

- Tell it, Luther! Tell it!

- And when I ran downstairs,

I came face to face with

a painting of Mrs. Simmons.

There was a pair of garden

shears stuck in her throat,

blood gushing from the wound!

[Gasping, Screaming]

Mrs. Maxwell fainted,

Judge.

Some of you huskies

back there pick her up...

and get her out under

a tree or something.

Keep her head up!

Keep her feet up!

No, keep her head

higher than her feet!

Quiet!

Quiet down!

Quiet down.!

Quiet down here now.!

You listen to me,

'cause I'm gonna

tell you something right now.!

I don't know whether

I believe in ghosts or not.

Many the night I've talked

about this with my missus.

But I do know,

there's only one way

of finding out...

if there's something going

on in that Simmons place.

This court hereby orders

the jury

and interested parties...

to meet here

in front of this courthouse

at 11:30 tonight.

And we're going down

to the Simmons house

and see for ourselves.

- Court's adjourned.

- [Cheering]

All right, ladies,

back up now.

Back up, ladies.

Back. Back up.

Back up.

Okay, Chief, looks like

we're all ready.

Open her up.

All right, Judge.

Judge, you're all right.

You're all right.

Good luck, Luther.

Oh.

I believe in you, Luther.

I believe in what

you stand for.

And my group is

sharing this with you.

And that's

akin to love.

Well, taro, caro...

Salamond!

You're coming in with me,

aren't you?

I don't think they'll let me.

Come on.

You're with me.

Okay.

She's with me!

Luther, Alma, Kelsey...

Kelsey!

Where do you think

you're going?

Press.

Who do you think

you're kidding?

Out! Out! Out!

Sorry.

Uh, I better

go in first.

All right, everybody,

this way.

Now let me have your attention

for just one minute.

Now I'm gonna take you

on a tour duplicating

my movements of that night.

Now you're apt to see some

pretty frightening things,

but don't panic,

you're in no real

personal danger.

Now you ladies of the jury,

stay close together.

Hold hands

if you wish.

First, I'm gonna take you

into the den and then

up to the organ loft...

Say, isn't that the picture

of Mrs. Simmons

you were talking about?

Yeah, well, first I wanna

take them into the den.

Well, it is, isn't it?

Where's the garden shears?

Where's the blood?

It seems to me

there should be

a hole in it somewhere.

Well, I'm sure

there is.

Let me...

I'll just show you...

Well, I mean...

Well, that's funny.

Maybe that's not

the same picture.

[Murmuring]

I don't think

that's the same picture.

That's okay, Luther.

If you've seen one picture of

a woman with shears stuck in

her throat, you've seen 'em all.

Luther, why don't you start the

tour with the wall that opens.

Yeah, yeah.

All right, everybody, I'm gonna

show you the wall that opens.

The opening wall!

Right this way.

I know what

our trouble was back there.

That happened after

the midnight bells.

My mind's wide open.

All right, people, in here.

Right in here.

Okay, here it is.

The panel that opens.

Right here it is.!

You're gonna see

the opening panel.!

Now, I was standing

about right here.

I picked up a book...

and I threw it

at the bookcase...

and whoosh, she opened.

L-l-I picked up a book...

and I threw it,

and whoosh!

Whoosh!

Well, I picked...

picked up a book and l...

l-I can't understand it.

It... It opens up!

There's-There's a staircase

in there and everything.

He's a real loser.

Luther,

it's almost midnight.

Maybe we better be getting

along to the organ part of it.

But I can't understand it.

It opened right up!

Whoosh!

That's right.

Yeah.

Well... All right, all right,

up to the organ loft!

Come on, folks.

Up to the organ loft.

Follow me to the organ loft.

The organ loft is next.

Now, folks,

it's almost midnight,

and the ghost of Mr. Simmons

will be up in the organ loft

in just a matter of minutes.

All right.

Folks, Priscilla here

doesn't want to go up.

Any of you other ladies

feel the same way?

The men feel

the same way too, Judge.

Very well.

Jury is excused from

going up in the organ loft.

You can wait down here

for us in the entry hall.

Look, the bloodstains.

That's right.

I told you.

What time you got,

Judge?

It's, uh, just

ten seconds to midnight.

Good. All right,

steady does it.

[Clock Chiming]

Okay.

Here we go.

This is ridiculous.

Come on now.

Come on.

Come on, baby.

Come on.!

One and a two and...

(music)(music) [Imitating Organ]

Luther, I think

that's about it.

But... But...

it played!

I'm tellin' you,

it played!

You saw the bloodstains

on the keys!

It played.

It played.

[Chattering]

Oh, here they come!

Here they come!

Make room!

Make room!

Make room.

Clear a path here.

Clear a path.

Might as well tell these people

to go home, Chief.

There's nothing in there.

Just an old

empty house.

Just imagination.

All right, folks, break it up.

It's all over.

Judge says there's

nothing in there.

Run along home.

Well, we're finished,

Luther.

You better find yourself

another job.

I'm sorry, Mr. Beckett.

Couldn't we just...

Please, just leave

me alone, Luther!

Just leave me alone,

hmm?

(music)[Organ]

(music)[Continues]

(music)[Continues]

(music)(music) [Continues]

Mr. Kelsey!

You!

I thought this would get

you back in here, Luther.

Where are the others?

They all left.

You mean, you?

It was me playin'

the organ the night

you were here.

I stabbed the painting,

everything.

But when the organ was playing,

there was nobody at it.

There's a tuning keyboard

under the pipes.

Well...

where were you tonight?

That dumb Herkie

wouldn't let me in.

What's this all about?

I don't understand.

[Alma Screams]

That sounds like Alma.

Come on.

[Alma Screaming]

No, no.!

[Simmons]

One step closer

and I'll k*ll her.!

Know what these are,

Mr. Simmons?

That's right.

They're my shears!

The ones you used

to k*ll your aunt.

And you left them there

to pin it on me!

I'll k*ll her, Kelsey!

Now let me out of here.

Won't do you a bit

of good, Nicky.

Now everybody's gonna

know about this staircase.

Your big alibi, Nicky.

It won't help to bulldoze

the house down now!

That's far enough!

You go downstairs

and come up behind him.

How?

Push the andiron. It opens

the panel in the study.

Andiron?

You k*lled them both,

didn't you?

k*lled them both for the money

and then tried to pin it on me!

[Simmons]

I'll k*ll her, Kelsey.!

Aaah!

[Groaning]

Stay out of this, Heggs!

Don't give up now,

Luther. Get him!

Stay back, Heggs!

Stay back, stay back!

[Kelsey]

Get him, Luther.!

Get him.!

Don't let him get away.!

I'll k*ll her,

Kelsey.

Aaah!

Alma,

call the police.

Well, the bigger they are,

the harder they fall.

He's right.

I pushed the andiron,

and the wall opened up.

Well, you just better learn

to take the word

of the press, Chief.

All right, now let me get

this whole thing straight.

You see, the secret staircase

was Simmons' big alibi.

That's right.

The big "alibi-rooney"!

That night the old man

was up in the organ loft

playing the organ.

I heard a scuffle coming

from madam's bedroom.

I saw Nick Simmons

run out of the room...

and head for

the organ loft.

Topside.

He didn't see me.

He didn't see him.

I went into the room,

and there lay Mrs. Simmons...

with my garden shears

stuck in her throat.

Here they are!

Here's your m*rder weapon!

I submit these as exhibit "A."

Watch the prints on those.

I grabbed those

and put them under my coat.

When the servants

came up the stairs,

we heard a scream

from the organ loft...

and the thud of a body

falling into the bushes.

We rushed over, and there

on the ground below...

lay the body

of old man Simmons.

Dead as a doornail!

We turned, started

down the stairs...

and met Nick Simmons coming up,

like he just come home.

Of course,

he'd slipped downstairs

by way of the secret staircase.

How come you took so long

to bring this out in the open,

Mr. Kelsey?

I was scared. After all,

that was my shears.

But this was

my last chance.

Well, that wraps it up.

Take him away, Chief.

You knocked

Simmons out, Luther?

That's right, karate.

Made my whole body a weapon.

Good boy!

Do you, Alma,

take this man to be

your lawful wedded husband?

I do.

Do you, Luther,

take this woman to be

your lawful wedded wife?

I do.

By virtue of

the authority vested in me,

I now pronounce you

man and wife.

Luther, you can

kiss her now.

[Man]

Atta boy, Luther.!

[Laughter]

(music)[Wedding March]

(music)[Spooky Organ Music]