Halloween with the New Addams Family (1977)

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

Well, Tish,

the hour of parting is near.

Lurch, that's French!

Stop the car.

Uncle Faustus rattled his

chains! No fair, no fair.

What a lovely thing to say.

-[door bell ringing]

-You rang.

[swish, swish]

[Gomez] It's cozy.

[wolves howling]

-[dogs barking]

-[cats meowing]

[lion roaring]

-[chimes jingle]

-[Lurch] F ollow me.

[theme song playing]

[knuckles cracking]

[playing on piano]

♪ Good-bye

♪ Forever

♪ Good-bye

♪ Forever

♪ Good-bye

Well, Tish, the hour

of parting is near.

To leave this room.

Yes, it has its

own quiet elegance.

-It's so you.

-It's so us, Gomez.

Lurch, he was always so

sentimental.

Playing our song.

[sighs] Darling.

I bought you

a going-away present.

Tish!

An umbrella, you know me

like a book.

I was afraid the weather

might turn nasty.

And you know how miserable

sunshine can be.

I shall pray for clouds.

And a little thunder

and lightning.

Remember our honeymoon?

That heavenly place.

Who could forget Death Valley?

Darling, your present.

Oh, yes, my present.

It's nicely ventilated.

-How do I look?

-You look wonderful in

anything, mon cher.

"Mon cher!"

Tish, that's French.

You know what French

does to me.

It turns my blood to hot,

bubbling muscatel.

Tish, speak some more.

Soup du jour, Eiffel Tower,

anything.

[fog horn sounds]

I'll be right back.

Bad timing, Thing,

but thanks anyway.

Tish, the lodge committee is

reminding me not to be late.

[chuckles] Will you be proud

of me when I'm a Grand

Exalted Serpent?

Of course, Gomez darling.

But I'm proud of you

the way you are.

A first-class snake.

First-degree snake.

Thank you, Thing.

Darling.

Isn't that sweet?

-The children are playing Hide

and Boo with Uncle Fester.

-[Fester counting]

Three and seven-sixteenth.

Ready or not, here I come.

[chains rattling]

Got you.

Olly olly oxen free.

Ah!

Ah, no fair.

Uncle Faustus rattled his

chains! No fair, no fair,

no fair.

Calma,Uncle Fester, calma.

Uncle Faustus, did you rattle

your chains?

-[chains rattling]

-Uncle Faustus, he likes

his little jokes.

This time Uncle Faustus

will stay out of it.

Won't you, Uncle Faustus?

You see. You may start

counting, Uncle Fester.

This time I'll count

in Swahili.

Okay, go hide.

[speaking Swahili]

I think your brother handled

that beautifully.

Tish, I'm worried.

About Pancho?

No, no. Not about Pancho.

He's an Addams, he knows the

code of honesty, loyalty,

fidelity, I trust him.

It's his blood I don't trust.

There's a saying, Tish,

"Beware the brother who once

courted your wife."

I have a feeling you made up

that saying yourself.

Of course I made it up.

I like to be close to

the source.

Tish, why?

Why, oh, why did you

invite him?

Because this is the season,

my love.

And we decided to invite only

family this year. Remember?

And a brother certainly

qualifies as family.

Besides, I'm sure Pancho's

hot blood is cooled off.

You forget, Tish,

he's an Addams.

Trust me, Gomez.

[growls]

[gong clangs loudly]

-You rang?

-Yes, Lurch.

Take Mr. Addams' luggage

downstairs, please.

Yes, Mrs. Addams.

[slow music playing]

[grumbles]

Lurch always was a

handy fellow, my dear.

Good legs, too.

It's time, Morticia.

Stiff upper leaf.

That's better. Dear.

[birds chirping]

Thumbs up, Charles.

Tish, I have never been away

during Halloween season

before.

-Do you think I'm being

too selfish?

-Never, Gomez.

You've wanted to be a Serpent

all your life.

You've worked hard for it.

You're right. I've been an

ordinary snake long enough.

I shall return.

Oh, dear.

Lurch has got his pterodactyl

net out again.

Oh, man, he does it

every Halloween.

Well, with some people,

it's Santa Claus.

At least pterodactyls

are his only aberration.

Yes. But how do you tell

someone you love that this is

the 20th century

and pterodactyls are an

endangered species?

I hate to leave

all these treasures.

Nikita, Wednesday's

favorite teddy bear.

And who can forget Cousin

Ahab's famous last words,

"Don't give up the fish"?

-[whistle blowing]

-Tish, my trains, my trains.

Don't let Pancho near

my trains, please.

I promise, mon cher.

"Mon cher!" That's French.

Tish, speak some more.

Bouillabaisse, cul de sac,

Charles de Gaulle, anything!

It's either this or give up

becoming the Grand

Exalted Serpent.

This, this.

Are you willing to remain

a first-class snake forever?

First-degree snake.

[grunts]

Just what I need.

-Mother Frump.

-Hmm.

Mother got a hold of an old

broom and fly recipe.

She hopes to be flying

by Halloween.

Ah, it will be good to have

one of the family in

the air again.

A bitter little fella.

Don't t*rture yourself, Gomez.

-You've already said good-bye

to the children.

-One last glance.

Ah, niece and nephew.

Playing your innocent

childhood games.

Children.

Where is Uncle Fester?

We buried him, Uncle Pancho.

Ah... [chuckling]

Good, good.

[chuckles] Where?

In here some place.

Children,

have you forgotten

the family motto?

"You must never bury anybody

without leaving a marker."

He's taken over already.

Even the family motto.

Here he is.

Pugsley, isn't that

a little deep?

[muffled mumbling]

Speak a little louder,

Uncle Fester.

[mumbling]

Tell us a story, Uncle Pancho.

Very well, children.

Better hurry and dig

yourself out, Uncle Fester.

-I'm going to tell the

legend of Cousin Shy.

-[mumbling]

He's telling them the legend.

And he's wearing my suit.

Here we go, kids.

Everybody ready?

[sighs] Now.

-A long time ago...

-Oh, no.

You forgot to say,

"Once upon a time."

Very well, Uncle Fester,

very well.

Once upon a time,

a very long time ago,

in a galaxy far, far away

in a little village,

there was this

-tiny, little boy named...

-Deetlemote.

A very good boy, and he knew

the legend of Cousin Shy.

Cousin Shy is the special

spirit of Halloween.

The spirit who carves happy

smiles on a specially

hidden pumpkin

and leaves beautiful gifts

at the feet of the

Halloween scarecrow.

And then there was one day

when Deetlemote

wanted to find out if

Cousin Shy was real.

And so this little boy carved

a mouth on the giant pumpkin.

[excitedly] And guess

what happened.

-It talked, it talked!

-[Pancho] Yes.

And it said,

"I'm the spirit of Cousin Shy.

"I belong to the whole world.

"You will never see me,

"but if children are very

good, I will pay them a visit

every Halloween.

"And if you leave a pumpkin

"in a very special place,

"I will carve it for you

and leave gifts

"under your scarecrow."

[inhales] And that's the story

of Cousin Shy.

Hey, wait a minute.

-You forgot to say, "And they

lived happily ever after."

-I forgot, Uncle Fester.

You may say it.

I have to say good-bye

to my big brother.

-Thank you.

-[Pancho] You're welcome.

And they lived happily

ever after.

Morticia, I'm not going.

I should be telling

that story, not Pancho.

Pancho never could tell that

story as well as you, my dear.

Oh, I suppose so.

[chuckles]

Can you imagine forgetting

"Once upon a time,

in a galaxy far, far away"?

Well, the bus for Tombstone

waits for no man.

Wait a while, and I'll get you

there on my broom.

[gasping] The only way to fly.

This is a test flight.

Fly me, I'm Mother Frump.

We really move

our tail for you.

Take the bus.

Well, thanks for trying.

Adios.

[bubbling]

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Do you think Shakespeare

really said that?

Why not invite him to

the party and ask him?

We can't do that. You said

yourself, it's only family

this year.

-Ah.

-Tish.

Every moment away

from you is an eternity.

Every second an eon.

With all your luggage,

I thought you would use

the station wagon?

Couldn't. You know how the

children prefer it.

Such a good father.

Darling, when will you return

from your journey?

[sighs] 6:00, tomorrow.

And I'll write.

[engine starting]

-[lion roars]

-You too, Kitty Kat.

Good-bye, dear brother.

[speaking Spanish]

I'll take care

of everything here.

[speaking French]

Lurch, that's French!

Stop the car.

Cara mia! Cara mia!

French... Morticia.

You must restrain yourself,

por favor,I'm an Addams.

Our blood.

We have a code.

Oui.

Hand.

No, you stop that.

Remember, Pancho.

Remember the code.

Yes.

Si, si, si.

The code.

[exhaling]

That one is out of the way.

That deal you made

with his lodge worked perfect.

With all that luggage,

he'll be gone for weeks.

Suggestion.

If he does come back,

I would like

the contract on him.

Suggestion under advisement.

Now the Addams family

is loaded.

If everything goes as planned,

we'll clear a nice million

on this, maybe more.

Maybe more, eh?

[scoffs]

[laughs]

I have a complication

that's beginning

to take form.

Well, give it to me

when it's fact.

I despise phrases like

"Beginning to take form."

Well, I'm only saying

that all of that gibberish

that we're picking up from

the Addams' place

could be code.

-Bah...

-How else do you

explain things like

"Hide and Boo"

and "first-class snake"?

First-degree snake.

Oh, those are just titles

in his lodge.

What about that ridiculous

nonsense about Cousin Shy?

Aha, we're beginning to get

some action in the

second floor bedroom.

Is that all of the room

we can see?

We couldn't get cameras

everywhere.

This is on the telephoto,

right from across the street.

Uh-huh, somebody's cutting

roses off the stems.

And throwing them away?

And keeping the stems.

Explanation please.

-It could be visual code...

-Ah...

[telephone rings]

Thank you, Thing.

Hello!

Cara mia,did you get

the roses I sent?

Yes, the thorns are lovely.

They're Moroccan uglies.

Let me tell you something,

Morticia.

Tombstone, Arizona,

is nothing without you.

What a lovely thing to say.

Gomez darling,

you must excuse me.

I have to go help Mama

with the party menu.

It's a strange thing.

But I can feel your presence

all around me like a cocoon.

Somehow, I'm able to picture

you precisely as you are.

It's a wonderful faculty.

Darling, don't worry

about the party.

Pancho and I are taking care

of everything.

Good-bye.

[speaking French]

[speaking French]

Tish, that's French.

You know what that does to me.

Gomez!

Gomez...

Gomez...

Pancho!

Don't worry, dear brother.

I'm taking care of everything.

Adios.

It's so nice when a woman

knows she's wanted

by a man who can't have her.

Querida.

Your mother is sulking up

in her room.

Her broom and fly recipe

blew up last night.

Her maid's helping me.

Dear Mother,

she has her heart set

on flying, before the moon

is over Miami.

That'll be the day.

Thank you, Lady Fingers.

Now, about

the hors d'oeuvres...

[telephone rings]

Not now, Gomez darling, later.

We'll need about two dozen

hopping eggs.

I think a four-inch hop

is enough, don't you?

You get him jumping any

higher than that,

and they hop right off

the plate and people

step on 'em.

I do hate to hear

an egg scream.

How about molten eye of newt

pudding for desert?

Enchante.

People like a pudding

that can look up to them.

Enchante.

That's French.

Aye, Morticia, por favor,

you know what

that does to me.

-Remember the code.

-I remember it, I remember it,

but you've turned

my heart to lava.

Isn't it interesting?

Both brothers' emotions

are triggered by French.

No, remember, I have the

same trigger for...

Gaelic, Greek, Sanskrit,

and not to mention Swahili

and Yiddish.

[Morticia] Mama,

you've soaked poor Pancho.

Yeah, and I also

cooled his lava.

[sneezes]

[Morticia] Gesundheit.

Think I've broken down

"eye of the newt pudding."

To me, neither g*n

emplacement or beach bucket.

Well, it's time to enter

the Addams' house.

I'm not going.

I'm not going.

Just give the job to Mikey,

he'll do anything.

Yeah...

Mikey.

Would you like going into

the Addams' house?

Yeah.

He likes it.

[both] Hey, Mikey.

[door creaking]

[fire roaring]

Now approaching the front

door, coming up the steps.

If I may be allowed

to be so editorial,

this is a piece of cake.

[bell ringing loudly]

You rang?

I'm the accounting

tax assessor.

Would you tell miss...

Would you tell Mrs. Addams

that I'm here?

Wait here.

Sure.

Wow.

From where I'm standing,

the rooms look weirder

than we thought.

There's a two-headed turtle.

There is an eight-foot bear,

and there's a fish mounted

on the wall with legs

sticking out of his mouth,

and, uh, 10-4.

Follow me.

[groaning]

[door creaking]

[singing] Christmas and Easter

bring wonderful treasures.

How do you do, sir?

I understand

you've come to assess.

Yes. My name is Grimm.

Grimm!

What a lovely name!

Somebody has cleaned

the soot out of the

chimney again.

A beautiful, three-year

collection gone puff!

Gone are the days

when you could get sensitive

chimney-sweeper over, Mama.

Oh, this is Mr. Grimm,

the assessor.

Show him the house, please.

He's in it!

Very well, come along.

[telephone rings]

[telephone rings]

Thank you, Mr. Grimm.

Run along.

If you'd like ribs for lunch,

I'm sure Mama can dig up

a spare whale bone for you.

[gasps]

Hello!

Oh, no. No,

this year it's only family.

Oh, Lady Fingers,

while I think of it,

add a pinch of nit blizzard

to the moon and barbeque sauce

and stir it.

Come on.

Needs more stirring.

Let's go, young man.

Haven't you ever seen people

working in a kitchen before?

I'm now in the kitchen,

they've got two hands,

one to answer the phone

and the other one

to stir the soup.

Soup...

Do you always talk to luggage?

[blows] Just dusting.

You strike me

as a very weird young man.

Well, come along.

This is where

we do the laundry.

Keep a few old friends.

How nice! Your own cemetery.

-Strictly family.

-Oh.

Guess this is damp enough.

Excuse me a minute.

Ah, garter snakes...

They don't grow them

the way they used to.

No spring.

Why, you can't get 'em

to even hold up

a pair of stockings anymore.

Look! See what I mean?

[fog horn sounds]

That's my oldest

granddaughter.

Wednesday Sr. is home.

Ah, feel free to look around.

[door creaking]

Welcome home.

Thank you, Lurch.

Handsome as ever.

Ohh...

Thank you, Thing.

Wednesday, my dear child.

Mother!

Never say that

we were false of heart,

though absence seemed

our flame to qualify.

Hello, Wednesday Jr.

Hello, Pugsley Jr.

Hello, Wednesday Sr.

Hello, Wednesday,

the dress needs letting out.

Ah, my niece home

from music academy.

Never say that

we were false of heart,

though absence seemed

our flame to qualify.

Mother said that.

Two minds in a single slot.

[chittering]

[panting]

-[sneezes]

-Gesundheit.

[stammers]

I didn't know what I was...

"Gesundheit..."

I want to apologize

to all of you.

I almost gave up

the broom and fly recipe.

I was wrong.

I forgot one of the old

family mottos,

"Never say die."

[applause]

Thank you.

Well, back to the

drawing board.

Play something for us,

my child.

Play something cheerful,

like the blues.

Or better yet, Morticia,

something light and gray.

Aw, the piccolo,

that's your

father's instrument.

He's never without one.

May I have an 'A', Lurch?

[plays single note]

I shall now play for you

the Mordant Bestiary

by Johann Sebastian

Schwinderholt.

[plays melody]

[Pancho] That's what I call

music with a stink.

[dogs barking and howling]

Ah, when you reach

the animals,

you are a true artist.

Come in,

Operation Briefcase, over.

Come in,

Operation Briefcase, over.

Twenty minutes since

I've heard from him.

How are you coming

on that costume?

The computer

came up with this?

Those ringlets are all wrong!

They should be stringier.

Ah, keep trying to get Mikey.

We move tonight, and he hasn't

even found the safe yet.

-I'm gonna go

put on my costume.

-Right.

Little Bo Peep out.

Do you realize that

every time I move, the wind

whistles up my drawers?

Get on that receiver, now.

Operation Briefcase.

Come in, Operation Briefcase.

Hey!

Hey, will you holler

when I get my pliers

on the wisdom tooth in there?

I can't see it good

from out here.

[choking]

Louis!

How can he holler

if you keep huggin' him?

You see this...

Sir, hi.

I'm getting

a terrible headache.

I just gotta get

this tooth out.

Point at it, will you, please?

Here, hold this.

Go on, just point at it.

Go ahead, point at it.

One...

Two... Boy, it feels so good.

Ah...

[pop]

Oh, do you see that?

[giggles]

[giggles]

Oh, you wanna pull one?

No, I can't.

I won't, you know why?

'Cause I'm busy.

I'm casing the...

I mean, I'm inspecting

the house.

-Oh, the house?

-Yes.

Would you like

to see the play room?

-The play room, yes...

-Yeah.

By all mean, the play room.

Anywhere but here!

Get away from here.

Get away. Get away.

Well, sir, here we are.

This is the play room?

-Oh, sure.

-[lion roaring]

What was that?

-What was what?

-That... [imitates roar]

Oh, that's just ol' Kitty Kat.

Sounded bigger

than a Kitty Kat.

Come on.

Here you are.

-[nervously] Play room?

-Yeah, sure.

-You got headache

or anything?

-No.

Why don't you try the rack.

The rack!

Oh, yeah, it'll make

your muscles sing.

You're making things fine.

Oh, please. I cannot.

I've seen enough.

Let's go back upstairs, huh?

-Oh, you wanna go upstairs?

-Yes, yes.

-Well, then take the shortcut.

-Shortcut, that's lovely.

Yes.

-Let's go.

-Hey, oh, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Don't step on

Kitty Kat's tail.

Do I look like a guy

that would step on

Kitty Kat's tail?

Hey!

[roaring]

[clothes tearing]

You stepped

on Kitty Kat's tail?

Yeah. Big Kitty Kat.

Bigger than a house Kitty Kat.

A giant Kitty Kat.

Eh... This is not something

I can talk about.

Oh, my head.

-Oh, you got a headache?

-Yeah.

I'll get you a little juice.

Oh, some juice, yeah, some...

Juice!

[yelling]

I'll go.

I'll wait for you upstairs.

Please, let me go.

We get the weirdest

people in here.

[fog horn sounds]

[door creaking]

Dr. Addams.

Lurch.

Dr. Addams.

Pugsley Sr. is home.

My nephew, the doctor.

Pugsley, my dear son.

Welcome home from

Nairobi medical school.

Doctor Killdare never looked.

-Umgawa.

-Umgawa.

-Umgawa.

-Umgawa.

[snoring]

Oh, my dear, Mr. Grimm,

I'm afraid I forgot

you were here.

Are you well?

You're not looking very well.

Perhaps SenorAddams,

Dr. Addams...

Have him take a look at it.

I don't know what happened.

-But he saw

Kitty Kat down there.

-Kitty Kat?

And something

must have happened.

[chanting]

Doesn't our Dr. Addams have a

lovely bedside manner?

I don't need a doctor.

I always looked this way.

I'm all right. I'm cured,

I'm cured.

[jabbering] I'm cured.

[box creaking]

[stammering]

Well, this world is sure full

of weird people.

My dear, I congratulate you,

that's the most miraculous

recovery I've ever seen.

Thank you, Mother,

I owe it all to Dr. Magombo.

Dear Dr. Magombo,

your father and I haven't

seen him for years.

How is he?

Great. Have a look.

[Morticia] Ah.

A perfect likeness.

And how sweet of you to

carry his picture.

Haven't you raised him yet?

[knocking at door]

Where's the safe?

Captain would be...

Mikey bad boy.

Mikey step on tail

of Kitty Kat.

Kitty Kat... [snorts]

I don't know, I'm talking cat.

There's a bush, it chokes

people, and there's a flower

that eats handkerchiefs.

And there's a bald-headed guy

who was completely out

of his mind, he wanted

to fix my back

by putting me on the rack...

Where's the safe?

There's this servant, a man,

and a woman...

No body, just hands.

One for the phone,

one to stir the soup.

I'm gonna leave. I'm quitting.

I'm coming home, Mommy.

I'm gonna go.

I left them the bag...

[stammering nervously]

Come back here!

Oh, well, he's no good to us

in the condition he's in.

-Now you...

-And wait...

And wait till you hear.

Do you see the girl

who plays the music,

and there's no music.

That's a beaut.

Oh, that's a good one.

You have to see that one.

[stammering nervously]

Now, I wanna show

you something.

Just think, I wonder what

put our little friend into

such a state of shock.

Forget about him.

-Look at this.

-What?

Well, show him.

You're talking to me?

[stammers]

I'm leaving the project.

Good-bye.

Whoa...

On second thought,

we have all this protection.

[door thuds]

Now, this is the thing

that's gonna make it all work.

Watch.

[speaking French]

French!

You spoke French.

Querida!

Speak some more!

MAN: Enough.

Save some for the party.

-Okay?

-Okay.

Masks.

Very okay.

[playing melody]

♪ Christmas and Easter

bring wonderful treasures♪

♪ But spirits and pumpkins

bring far greater pleasures ♪

Bravo!

How thrilled your face

must be to be so near

that golden throat.

Have you seen

your children's costumes?

It will be dark in an hour,

and look what they're wearing.

Morticia, we mustn't stare.

They are very

different, children.

Darlings.

Have a good time

at the party anyway.

I've never seen Wednesday

look so plain.

Be sure and wear

a mask, darling.

This one really tears it.

Now that's disgusting.

And you call yourself

a doctor!

Oh, I'm sorry, my son.

All right, all right, go

and get dressed proper

for the party.

That's all part

of today's world.

Do you know Pugsley Sr.

told me earlier

that he had gone to the beach

in the sunlight?

Yes, he said

he's getting a tan.

It's all the rage

at his school.

Schools, no discipline today.

I haven't told you

about Wednesday yet.

She wants...

A Kawasaki.

Well, there I can relieve

your mind, Morticia.

Our family is very partial

to mixed marriages.

It's a motorcycle.

[expl*si*n]

[Morticia] Did you have a cake

in the oven, Mama?

It's that woman again.

That's my kitchen.

Not an airport!

Mother!

[liquid bubbling]

You got to admit,

I'm starting to get altitude.

I know you'll do it.

Look who's back.

Old big eyes.

He is not supposed

to be back yet.

Well, that means

we go to Plan B.

Plan B!

[gibbering]

I'm home! I'm home.

Where is everybody?

Oh, yes, Lurch,

it's a beautiful costume.

-But where is everybody?

-[Cousin Itt gibbering]

Cousin Itt, with that hat,

nobody will recognize you.

Where is the family?

[Cousin Itt gibbering]

Trimming a scarecrow

without me?

Oh, show me.

Show me.

[groans]

It's time for all

good little bats

to be in bed.

Ah!

I think this scarecrow needs

a few more cobwebs

on his right arm.

Get your spider, Wednesday Jr.

Yes, Mother.

Thank you, Thing.

Okay, Homer, spin.

You know something, Morticia,

there is nothing

like a family

gathered around the old

Halloween scarecrow.

Yes, and if Cousin

Shy comes this year,

there will be gifts and love

and Halloween carols.

Yes, listen, everybody!

I think the youngest should

put the head on top

of the scarecrow.

That means you, Wednesday,

and up you go.

[Gomez] Unhand that child.

A man goes a'serpenting

and returns to find his...

His place usurped

by a brother.

A brother who lifts

his child up

to put a head on a scarecrow?

Well, after all,

you aren't here, old man.

That's true, mon mari.

"Mon mari!" It's French.

Morticia.

Usurped! Usurped!

Pancho, really,

I don't like to criticize,

but I'm afraid your Addams

code is wearing thin.

Gomez.

Gomez!

[knocking on door]

[gibbering]

-Cousin Itt.

-[gibbers]

A man comes home

and finds himself an outcast.

What's a man to do?

[gibbers]

You can say that.

You're a bachelor.

Morticia's the only woman

in my life.

[gibbers]

Calling me a pea brain

is not a solution.

[gibbers]

You're right.

It's the old paternal

rejection syndrome.

Cousin Shy won't respect me

if I sulk.

[gibbers]

You're right.

I should think of the children

and Halloween. Yeah!

Thank you, Cousin Itt.

You... You're all...

You're, uh...

What are you, anyway?

[gibbers angrily]

Oh, yes, you're all man.

Of course.

-[gibbers]

-I'm going.

[gibbers]

Hello, family.

-My love.

-Hello, Father.

Aha! Up you go, Wednesday Jr.

Oh, I love it when you get

your head on straight, Gomez.

Well, let's just hope

the scarecrow does the same.

[fog horn sounds]

[door creak opens]

Ophelia.

Hello, sister dear.

Any interesting men here?

-Pancho is upstairs.

-[Ophelia] Say no more.

Okay, now I'll go in

with the others.

You two go round the back

and through the kitchen.

Now remember,

you look like the hosts,

so play it that way.

Well, go on. Go on.

[Lurch] Cousin Ptolemy.

[inaudible]

John Quincy Adams and family.

Must be the Boston branch

of the family.

[Gomez] Welcome!

Our house is your house.

We like to think so.

[liquid bubbling]

Hey, taste this, Morticia.

Well, taste it.

It's the icing for

the salamander cake.

Enough creosote?

Perfect.

Are you sure?

The recipe says it's got

to be strong enough

to stun a canary.

It's perfect.

Flat.

Not enough cyanide, Mama.

I don't like to criticize,

dear, but it's not

very stunning.

Make up your mind, girl.

One minute it's perfect,

the next minute it's flat.

Tsk, Mama, tsk, tsk.

[flame roars]

[music playing]

Isn't the music lovely?

And doesn't Cousin Sloth

play a melodic banjo?

Yeah. And look

at Wednesday Sr.

[playing shrill note]

[glass breaking]

What talent?

Fantastic.

Makes you wanna sit in.

[playing melody]

Lurch, old boy,

why don't you dance?

Yes, pick some lovely lady.

After all, Halloween

is a democratic

and romantic holiday.

You'll do better

without the cowl.

Let the ladies see

your handsome face.

[groans]

I found him. I found him.

He was hiding.

I was not hiding.

I was meditating.

In the dumbwaiter?

Sounds reasonable.

Let's dance.

Oof!

It's a new step.

Shall we, my dear?

The time is now.

We've mingled. We've danced.

You call this dancing?

I call it plowing.

First thing I want you

to do is...

Dance?

No. I mean, no, thanks.

No, I don't mean "No, thanks."

I mean "No."

[bones crunching]

I want those two

taken care of.

And I'll need about an hour.

Well, go on.

You Boston Addams

really know how

to give a lift to a party.

Why aren't you dancing

with Morticia?

Why aren't you

dancing with Gomez?

You always had

big eyes for Morticia.

You've always had

big eyes for him.

Well, then why aren't you

dancing with her?

-I will.

-Me too.

We'd better split up.

You take the second floor.

You take this floor.

And I'll check below.

And remember the safe

could be anywhere.

Morticia, dance with me.

Come on, Gomez, let's go.

Wait a minute.

Come back here.

Fools! The whole project

is way off schedule.

We're to try and get loose.

Is that the game?

This Boston branch

is extremely innovative.

They bulge nicely, too.

We used to duck for apples,

but I like this game

much better.

[chuckles]

In a way, we've never

been closer.

I wonder if the rules

permit us to try and escape.

I must help Mama

with the hors d'oeuvres.

Hors d'oeuvres!

Tish, that's French!

[grunting]

This second,

I wanna get loose.

I know what, we'll play

the old piccolo game.

I still have my card

at Local 802.

[playing morse code]

[gibbers]

[gibbers]

Powder room is right up there.

[chuckles]

Look, we are way off schedule.

Now did you dispose of them?

They're not going anywhere.

Oh, Mr. Adams.

We loved your game.

But if you'll excuse me,

I have to go and see Mama

about the hors...

The refreshments.

-Cousin Itt,

did she speak French?

-[gibbers]

Are you sure?

We have a similar game

in our part of the country.

It's called dunk and thrash.

Only you play it in the swamp.

In a swamp?

Or in muck and mire,

if you prefer.

It's a matter of taste.

See you later.

Get him, and this time

I don't want any excuses.

What about the woman?

She's gonna be busy

in the kitchen. Now remember,

I'll need a full hour.

Go on. Get him.

Hello, Thing. Any news?

Aw.

Well, keep me posted.

By the way, nice costume.

Havin' a nice time

at the party?

Oh.

Well... Oh, again?

Say, why not play

Eastern rules this time?

That's where you

blindfold the contestants.

It's really fun.

Psst! Psst! Psst!

Cut in! Cut in!

You are so pliant tonight,

Morticia, and so affectionate.

And why not, mon cher?

That's French.

-Aren't you going to stop me?

-Mais, non.

[laughs] That does it!

[sniffs]

Now I want you to go upstairs.

Most people keep their jewels

in the bedroom.

The real Morticia's

in the kitchen.

I've taken care of Gomez.

For keeps.

Go, go, go.

I see you've had

assertiveness training.

I admire that.

Especially within the family.

It's cozy but inhibits

doing push-ups.

Well...

Ready or not, here I come.

[playing morse code]

[inaudible]

Oh, Mr. Adams,

do have some hors d'oeuvres.

Uh, these creep,

these hop,

and these just lie there.

I'm sure if you have

the family dexterity

you can catch a hopping

egg on the first hop.

Ready, go.

Oh, you missed.

Do be careful where

you step, Mr. Adams.

I hate to hear an egg scream.

[egg screams]

Adams.

Too bad. It was a good egg.

I can see you're upset.

But look at it this way,

life is short

in the hors d'oeuvres jungle.

Yes, well, excuse me.

I enjoyed playing the game.

Let's play it again

sometime soon.

When I said "soon,"

I didn't have this

in mind, gentlemen.

You see, the witching hour

is approaching and before

Cousin Shy arrives,

the children have to be

put to bed.

And somebody has to carve

the crocodile.

This game is getting

complicated.

[clicks tongue]

Goes against the grain,

but I'm afraid I'm gonna

have to cheat a bit.

[chain rattling]

Thing, sorry to take

you away from the party.

Oh, thanks a lot, ol' boy.

The piccolo, please.

[playing morse code]

[inaudible]

[gibbers angrily]

-Where is your partner?

-Upstairs.

All right. She is in the way.

Take care of her.

Go dance with her.

I've taken care of Gomez

for keeps again.

That leaves me free

to poke around down here.

Go on, go on, go on.

Aha! There you are.

I hope you scream.

No more games, eh, Mr. Adams.

[chuckles]

I have my guests to think of.

[fog horn sounds]

Aha! I believe my good news

has arrived. Pardon me.

Thank you, thing.

I'm not exalted

Grand Serpent, Thing.

Not even first-degree snake.

Been reduced to worm.

Second class.

I put the children to bed.

Your mask

is very becoming, Gomez.

You've learned a few

new steps Tombstone, Arizona,

mon cher.

That's French!

Gomez!

Morticia, I couldn't wait

to continue our dance.

You're so pliant,

so affectionate, so nuzzling!

Nuzzling? When, mon frere?

That's French.

Pancho, if you don't remember

the code, I shall become

very cross with you.

I'm a second-class worm.

Stranger kisses my wife.

Brother kisses my wife.

Wearing my clothes.

Smoking my cigars.

"To be or not to be."

Not to be.

That is the answer.

Oh...

Poor Gomez.

What a blow.

Well, his marriage

must be shot.

Oh, there you are.

I know just what you need.

-There!

Doesn't that feel better?

-No!

-Get me off of here.

-Gomez,

how would you like

to be six feet two?

You know, I think that

Morticia would

really like that.

You've got the wrong man.

I'm just a guest here.

Take off my mask, you can see.

An impostor!

By Jupiter, well,

I'll get you out of there

right away.

That's the first mistake

I ever made on the rack.

If I make you too tall,

I can arrange to shorten you.

And if your socks

are stretched,

I'll be very happy

to knit you a new pair.

Or, if you prefer,

I can lengthen your pants.

[both chuckling]

Oh, Morticia,

I was looking for you.

I wanted to apologize

for almost breaking

the code while we were

-dancing.

-Oh, mon frere.

Mon frere?

Will you be cross with me?

-Mais, non.

-Mais, non!

[gasps]

My apologies, brother.

My blood overcame the code.

You are a cad, sir.

And I should thrash you.

But a worm has no standing.

No, no.

Not even with his wife.

You are depressed,

mon mari, mon cher.

[both] That's French!

You gave me permission,

brother.

There shall be

pistols at dawn, sir.

-Morticia!

-Are you quite finished?

[stammers] I was upset.

I've been reduced

to worm by my lodge.

Anyway, I knew it wasn't you,

it didn't taste right.

Oh, I'm sorry you are

not the Grand Exalted

Serpent, mon cher.

"Mon cher!" That's French!

Get your steaming mitts

off my wife.

But, brother,

my blood is still percolating.

Percolating?

This is my wife,

not Mrs. Olson.

I'll send you a nice

letter of apologies

when this is all over.

If you can still write.

When you've got it,

you've got it.

Pass me the salamandar sauce,

Lady Fingers.

[knocking at door]

She has gone to the party,

Mama.

You just can't get

reliable help these days.

Will you be flying

with the witching

of our mother?

Like a 747!

Keep the noise low.

You know how the neighbors

complain.

[music playing]

[music stops]

Come with me, honey.

Honey?

Look here, you don't appeal

to me.

-Where are you going?

-Tower.

Tower? No.

Look I'm not that kind

of a girl.

I don't want to go

to the tower.

Stop him. What you looking at?

How?

[groans]

[metal dings]

No, not the tower!

I don't know about you,

but I'm getting out of here.

-Me too!

-Come back here.

Come back here, you...

This goes on your

unemployment record.

If you want something done,

you've gotta do it yourself.

They are almost there.

Hold it. Just a minute.

Oh!

I will be right there.

Oh.

One more bubble.

Aw!

Ah, hold it. Hold it.

Wait till I get

to the launching pad!

Right!

Take it easy!

We're not there yet!

All right! All right.

Count down: Three, two, one.

-Contact!

-[whooshing]

Look, if you let me go,

I will buy you a pterodactyl.

Shh!

Frighten pterodactyl.

Shh!

Help! Help! Help!

[gagging]

Help! Help! Help!

Mr. Adams. Louis!

How many times

has Gomez told you not

to play with strangers?

You know something, sir,

I know just what you need.

You need to relax, sir.

[groans]

This is a rack!

It will relieve your tension.

You need it.

Ah, please! I give up!

I will confess.

Oh, please don't

tighten it anymore.

I'll confess to everything.

Don't ask me.

You'll have to ask Cousin Shy.

[stammers] Cousin Shy?

Yeah, I'm just a spectator.

Cousin Shy

is turning the rack.

[stammers] Cousin Shy?

Yeah, tell him.

Wherever you are, I give up.

I confess,

my name is Laugherty.

I'm a crook.

Aw! Ah, ah, yeah,

a very big crook.

Ow!

[giggling]

-[screams]

-[crashes]

Pterodactyl.

[chuckles]

-[grunts]

-Why not?

[warily screams]

Oh, goody, he's taking

the shortcut.

[growls]

Oh, sir?

Don't step on

Kitty Kat's tail.

-[roars]

-[man screams]

[screams]

Stranger and stranger.

Pterodactyl.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

Good for you, old man.

Ooh! Ooh.

Oh.

Oh, thank you very much.

Next time I'll wear

my own parachute.

[groans]

[fog horn sounds]

Sorry, folks,

but there has been

complaints about the noise.

But this is a holiday.

And a very special holiday

for the Addams family.

Everyone here is a relative.

I'm sorry, you're mistaken,

Morticia. These two aren't.

Well, Bones Laugherty.

And Louis the Lard?

Oh, you must be mistaken,

officer, these are members

of our family.

[stammers] No.

No, we just said that...

We're not members...

There is a lion!

A lion in the basement.

And that lady flew right

off the window!

That was no lady,

it was a pterodactyl.

[groans]

Oh, please, fuzzy,

take us away, take us away!

Fuzzy, please!

I'll never do anything bad...

You know, I had a feeling

they weren't relatives.

Their New England accent

was deplorable.

[bell tolls]

Witching hour.

-It's time to wake

the children, and...

-I will do it, big brother.

-Wait a minute.

It's a father's job.

-Darling!

Why don't you see

if Cousin Shy has

carved the pumpkin yet?

Of course.

[door creaks]

[ratchet turning]

[door creaking]

Cousin Shy.

Good night, Uncle Morbid.

Be of good cheer.

[sighs]

Morticia, he is here.

Cousin Shy is here.

-[wind whistling]

-Yes, I feel the chill.

Lovely!

I just saw him carving

a pumpkin.

-Come, we must go

to the children.

-Yes.

Okay.

You see, cara mia,

a father has a special

feeling on a night like this.

He remembers his children's

first Halloween.

[Pancho] Children?

Pancho is in there

with my children.

Darling, you must remember

he has no children of his own.

Nor a wife of his own.

What's he saying?

Children,

your witching hour is here.

How dare the man?

He has no right.

Gomez, wait.

Let me tell you something.

This is the way it used to be

when your papa and I

were little boys.

I was little and dumb, uh,

and he was older

and very, very good to me.

I'll never forget that.

He is a fine man, your father.

You see, cara mia,

I always told you my brother's

an exceptional person.

Pancho,

get the children dressed.

We'll all go to the tower.

Now that's

the Halloween spirit.

[chuckles] Cara...

[Morticia] Come, we'll all sing

to Cousin Shy on this joyful

and solemn occasion.

ALL: ♪ Christmas and Easter

bring wonderful treasures♪

♪ But spirits and pumpkins

bring far greater pleasures♪

♪ Phantoms and ghosts

make wonderful hosts♪

♪ And every year,

they convene to wish you♪

♪ A merry

Shh!

♪ Creepy Halloween

♪ Scarecrows and blackbirds

are always together♪

♪ Spiders spin cobwebs

in overcast weather♪

♪ Cauldrons are brewing

♪ And banshees are doing

a weird and ghastly routine♪

♪ To wish you a merry

Shh!

♪ Creepy Halloween

♪ This is a night

of heavenly fright♪

♪ Witches on broomsticks

are up to their tricks♪

♪ And poltergeists

wail to the moon♪

♪ Which looks

like a silver balloon♪

♪ Frankenstein's monster

is having a ball♪

♪ Scaring the goblins

right off of the wall♪

♪ Boogeymen prance

at our favorite dance♪

♪ And children

are king and queen♪

♪ They wish you a merry

Shh!

♪ Creepy Halloween

[wind whistling]

-He's here!

-Shh.

Only Cousin Shy parts

a cobweb like that.

[amplified voice] Farewell!

Farewell!

And to all at home

a merry, creepy Halloween.

Turns your blood cold,

doesn't it?

It's a lovely feeling.

Wednesday Sr., you may

turn on the light.

[sighs and gasps]

[chattering]

Fester: I wanna open

my present.

Get outta my way.

[Pancho] Merry Halloween!

Happy Halloween, everybody.

There we are, on the ground.

There we go.

[all chattering]

Oh, my...

[mother Frump]

Guess who's gonna

have to clean up this mess?

Isn't that cute?

A real rat!

Beautiful Halloween, carita.

Perfect day.

Perfect marriage.

Amazing with so many divorces.

Yes, lovers should

try divorce first.

And then if it doesn't work,

then marriage.

[speaking French]

-Tish, that's French.

-Yes, I know.

-Morticia...

-Gomez.

-Morticia.

-Tonight...

Yes.

Tonight belongs to Cousin Shy

and the children.

So it does.

So it does.

[chattering]

[wolves howling]

[festive song playing]

♪ This is a night

of heavenly fright♪

♪ Witches on broomsticks

are up to their tricks ♪

♪ And poltergeists wail to the

moon ♪

♪ Which looks like

a silver balloon ♪

♪ Frankenstein's monster

is having a ball ♪

♪ Scaring the goblins

right off of the wall ♪

♪ Boogeymen prance

at our favorite dance ♪

♪ And children are

king and queen ♪

♪ They wish you a merry

Shhh!

♪ Creepy Halloween