01x01 - The Job

[bunniefuu]

[wind blowing]

[woman panting]

[gasps]

[panting]

-[door opens]

-[gasps]

[grunting]

[groans]

[gasping]

[gasping]

[panting]

[eerie music playing]

[gasps] Oh.

[grunts]

[gasps]

-[growls]

-[screams]

["Talk to Me" playing]

You don't have to be a hero

To save the world… ♪

[dog whimpers]

[chuckles] Show me the tummy!

-Good boy, Pugsley!

-[whimpers]

[Barney] Come on, boy. Let's go.

[barks]

[woman on TV] Oh, it's Grandpa!

[gasps] Is he dead?

[man on TV] No, miss, he's just… frozen.

[woman] At his own birthday party too.

-"His big special day."

-[woman] His big special day.

[man] And he seemed

so happy in the photographs.

Wait, that's it.

Photographs capture

the soul of the subject.

The only question is,

how are we gonna get Grandpa…

-[sinister music playing]

-…back in Grandpa!

Mmm.

Okay, Mom.

Ask me what my biggest weakness is.

Oily skin?

I'm serious.

I was gonna go with something

like "paralyzing fear of confrontation."

Uh, sweetie, why do you wanna

know your biggest weakness?

My job interview at Phoenix Parks.

Tonight. I told you.

Uh, but Grammy Gram's coming for dinner.

I made cheese-less mac and cheese.

Ugh, Mom,

did you tell her I would be there?

Yeah, of course.

Did you tell her Barney would be there?

Oh, come on, sweetie,

there's a lot she doesn't understand.

[scoffs] She's not the only one.

-[sighs]

-[Pugsley barking]

-[whimpers]

-[chuckles] Sorry, buddy, you can't come.

But if I get this job,

we can get a place of our own.

Just you and me. No Mom,

no Dad, [scoffs] no Grammy Gram.

[whimpering]

Okay, fine. Come on.

[grunts]

[gasps]

[laughs] Oh, stop it.

[kisses]

Oh, my precious girl!

Going to her first job interview!

-[sniffling]

-Mom!

Call me before you go in.

And after. And maybe during too?

[chuckling] Bye, Mom.

[cell phone ringing]

[over phone] Just checking

you've got your phone.

[sighs]

If you whizz in my bag again,

I'm sending you

right back home, young man.

[Norma] Oh, jeez.

Strange dude. Talking to himself.

Okay, maybe Mom was right

and I should never go outside.

Or at least I think

that's what she was trying to say.

Uh… You're the one

talking to yourself, Norma.

[grunting] How do you know my name?

-Whoa! It's me, Barney.

-Uh, I'm bad with names.

We literally live on the same street.

Same school. We're lab partners!

I'm bad with… faces.

-[TV beeps]

-[gasps] Shh!

Hello, I'm Pauline Phoenix.

You know, in just a few ticks,

we'll be at my very own theme park.

Thank you. Where the fun just never stops,

except November through to March.

We've got five zones for you all to enjoy,

based on my movies, music and TV shows.

Remember, consuming outside

food and drink is a big no-no.

And if you see anything

that seems just a little outta sorts,

you know, anything suspicious

or supernatural at all,

[chuckling] well,

just keep it to yourself, darlin'.

[static]

-Did you see that?

-Yeah, we're almost there.

[ominous music playing]

[Pauline over speakers]

Thank you for visiting Phoenix Parks.

-[breathes deeply]

-[Pauline] Y'all enjoy yourselves!

Or else.

I hope y'all come back soon.

Safe trip. Take care now.

Don't sue. [chuckles]

Okay, you can stop

following me now, creep.

I'm not following you.

And I'm not a creep.

-I've got a job interview down here.

-Wait.

"Opportunity at Phoenix Parks,

Dead End Attraction."

"Please arrive at sundown."

[both] "Rare opening

for the one perfect candidate."

-Well, good luck.

-Thanks!

Wait!

[pants] Whoa! [chuckles]

[laughs]

-Okay. You ready, boy?

-[barks]

Torpe-dog!

[grunts]

-[barks]

-Good boy.

[panting]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[gasps] What?

-How did that happen?

-I took the staff line.

Oh.

Oh, my ghosts! This is so cool.

No one's been in here for a year.

Not since the Jennifer Swan incident.

Jennifer Swan?

It was on a night like tonight.

Except it was raining.

And I think

it was a Thursday morning, actually.

One of the parks' Pauline

impersonators entered Dead End…

-[sinister music playing]

-…and never came out!

She died? In here?

Whoa! No, I just said she didn't come out.

She just "disappeared."

-I can't believe you didn't know.

-[sniffing]

[Barney] All right.

[shushes]

Don't you know anything about Dead End?

I'm clearly

the better candidate for this job.

That stuff doesn't matter.

It's about being a responsible employee.

Your dog is whizzing on the furniture.

[gasps] Pugs… Pugsley! No!

[Norma] Go on. Ask me anything.

Uh, how do you get dog pee out of cobwebs?

About Pauline! Dead End. This park.

I know everything.

Every cast member. Every episode.

Every single nut and bolt

of this whole darn attraction.

Who's that?

[chuckles] Easy,

that's old Charlie Bonaparte.

-Full name Charles…

-[yelps]

Welcome, mortals.

-[Norma speaking indistinctly]

-[yelping]

-…and grandfather once removed to…

-[grunts]

[Norma continues indistinctly]

[Pauline over speakers] Your beautiful

photograph is ready to collect.

[Norma] …at the full moon.

AKA, he's a werewolf.

[sighs]

Although, they didn't establish that…

Are you even listening?

[groans]

Sitting around on the job?

Glad I'm not his boss. [chuckles]

Oh, hi. I'm Norma Khan.

I'm here for the job opportunity…

[pants] Hi. And I'm Barney.

And you must be the manager.

Love the costume.

And you two must be the offerings.

I didn't know there'd be a choice.

There isn't.

Uh, here's my resume, references…

[grunts]

[Norma] …and proof of visits to Dead End…

-[yawns]

-[Norma] …ages seven through 15.

And if that doesn't convince you,

take a look at this letter

from the very desk of Pauline's

[hesitates] secretary's intern.

-Who's Pauline Phoenix?

-[gasps]

And what about you, freckles?

What makes you think

you'd be a good flesh vessel?

Mmm, flesh?

Perfect. Let's go.

What? Uh, no fair!

All right, folks, get ready.

He's on his way.

-[whimpers]

-[screeches]

-[laughs]

-Uh…

[growls]

[groans]

-[buzzes]

-[yelps]

[mumbles]

[squeaks]

Um, Norma?

I don't think this is what we think it is.

Ugh! I know! Group interview.

They could've warned us.

Uh, excuse me!

Does this job have any benefits?

Uh, wings,

blood made of fire, immortality.

-[Norma] Okay, but what about dental?

-[elevator thuds]

[ominous music playing]

-[screams] Norma? Norma!

-Excuse me? I'm talking to you.

-You haven't answered my question.

-Look!

Do you mind?

Here he comes! [laughs] The demon king's

gonna love me for bringing two humans.

Demon king? What episode was that in?

This one!

[dings]

[dramatic music playing]

-[growls]

-[whimpering]

O great Temeluchus.

It must be Two for Tuesday!

[chuckles] I got you not one,

but two flesh vessels.

[growls]

I rescind my application. The job's yours!

[both panting]

[both yelp]

[both groan]

[wheels squeaking]

[both grunt]

They'd both make excellent

new bodies, Temeluchus.

-Which shall it be?

-[growls]

Ip dip doo, the dog's got the flu,

the cat's got the chicken pox,

so it's gonna be you!

Good choice. Fleshy.

[thunder rumbling]

-[Temeluchus cackling]

-[groaning]

[whimpering]

[barks]

[dramatic music playing]

[howls]

[distorted] Pugsley!

[howls]

[grunts]

[groans]

Fellow demons,

let us join hands, claws, tentacles.

Seal the body up

Seal the body up ♪

Pull, pull, smash, smash, smash! ♪

[yelps]

-[Pugsley thuds]

-[gasps]

Pugsley?

Oh, no! Pugsley!

Pugsley, come on, buddy!

Open your eyes. Pugsley, please.

Do not give orders

to the great Temeluchus!

[yells]

Tremble, for Temeluchus lives again.

[laughing maniacally]

-[chuckling] Oh!

-[all applauding]

[grunts]

[wheels squeaking]

I specifically requested no photographs.

Yeah. Uh, sorry about that.

But, uh, I was wondering,

since I provided two excellent vessels

and fulfilled my side of the bargain,

you could lift my curse

and let me go back home?

Hmm. No!

[grunts]

I was specific.

Humans, tell me.

Who is the king of this realm?

-We don't have a king.

-Your ruler. Your commander.

I would very much like to eat them.

Oh, well, there's a little White House

about 2,000 miles that way.

Enough! I shall find

and claim my own throne.

[grunts and cackles]

Oh, no. Wait, sire.

Wait, sire! Sire, wait.

Ooh, what about me, please? What about me?

[cries] I just wanna go home.

-[panting]

-[dialing]

Norma, who are you calling? The dog pound?

No, my mom. She can take us home.

My dog is possessed

by Temeluka… Teme…Temeloo…

-Uh, a demon!

-Yeah. It possessed your dog, not us.

-So let's escape while we still can.

-[line ringing]

Pugsley's not just my dog. He's my family.

The only family that's always had my back.

And I can't lose him.

[Swati over phone] Sweetie,

how did it go? Did you get it?

-Oh, no, you didn't get it, did you?

-[Barney] Pugsley! Pugsley!

[Swati] Did you want me to come

and have a word with them, maybe?

-I will, my little blossom--

-Hmm.

What would Pauline do?

She'd save the dog

and the park from any potential lawsuits.

-You!

-Hi, hello. Yeah, Courtney. How ya doin'?

How do we stop it?

[chuckles] You can't stop Temeluchus.

He's already dead.

Which is why he needs

a new vessel every few hundred years.

So what are we talking?

Salt circle? Holy water? Vacuum cleaner?

Ugh! Well, I did the sealing spell.

Temeluchus' soul

is now in that dog for good.

The only way

to stop him is to k*ll the dog!

That's not gonna happen.

Or find some

other vessel for him to possess.

But the first option is way more fun.

-Ugh…

-[cell phone ringing]

I specifically requested no photographs.

Photographs capture the soul

of the subject.

[gasps]

[panting] Pugsley!

[panting] Pugs?

Throne.

He's looking for a throne!

Yes! To Camelot! [pants]

[laughs]

-[grunts]

-[door opens]

[pants] There you are!

Have you come to challenge me?

No, I don't wanna fight you, Pugsley.

Stop calling me that.

Kneel before Temeluchus!

[yelps]

There's a good boy. You know,

your body was my first choice.

Perhaps once I've exhausted

this mighty vessel,

I'll move on

to your strangely unwrinkled form.

I've had many bodies over the years.

-This isn't even my first canine…

-Psst. You need to take a photo.

Yeah, Norma,

I think I'll remember this moment.

My parents met during the Haunted Wars…

No! Photos capture the soul.

You know, like in Episode 105,

in which Pauline finds the body

of her grandfather petrified on the floor

-after his birthday party.

-Yeah, I get it.

Just take the photo.

[groans] But my mom says

my phone is for emergencies only.

-What do you call this?

-Okay, okay.

-[Temeluchus speaking indistinctly]

-[Norma] Say cheese!

-[cell phone ringing]

-No, no, no, no, no.

Huh?

No photos!

[grunts]

-[grunts]

-[gasps]

This is what I think

of your pathetic toys. [laughs]

Yeah? Well, I was due an upgrade anyway!

[Temeluchus] Fool.

You think you can outsmart me?

Now it is your turn

to be crushed to pieces!

-[heroic music playing over speakers]

-Huh?

Quick! Get in the log!

-[grunts]

-[growls]

If you want me, come and get me!

[grunts]

[yelps]

[grunts]

[scatting]

[panting]

[Temeluchus grunting]

[yelps] Norma! Help!

I've got a plan! Just keep him busy

till we get to the drop!

-[grunts]

-[yelps]

Oh, don't worry, he's busy!

[laughs]

[grunts]

[groans]

[laughs] Nice try.

[gasps]

-[horse whinnies]

-[laughs]

Get down!

Huh? [whimpers]

Wow.

[gasps] Pugsley's fighting back

from the inside.

What did you just do to me?

Some tricksy spell?

Pugsley, sit!

[barks]

Huh. [laughs]

[groans] Witches? I knew it!

[Norma] Doggie!

-Huh?

-Fetch!

[whines]

-Ha-ha!

-[panting]

[splutters] I know your plan!

-And it won't work!

-[groans]

[yelling]

[laughs]

[grunts]

[yelps]

Norma!

[gasps]

[groaning]

[grunts]

[pants, gasps]

[growls]

Huh? [grunting]

[groans]

-[Temeluchus grunting]

-[groans]

[laughs] Huh?

[grunting]

Ha-ha! [grunts]

[grunting]

Any last words?

[grunts] Show me the tummy!

-[laughs] Oh, no!

-Who's a good boy?

-[Temeluchus laughs]

-Who's a good boy?

[Norma grunting]

-Oh! No! No! No, no! [laughing]

-Let me get that.

Who's a good boy?

-Come on, Norma!

-[grunting] Trying!

-[laughing] No! No!

-That's it. Show me the tummy.

-[grunts]

-Happy puppy. Good boy. Norma. Norma, now!

[grunting]

[grunts]

-[screaming] No!

-[camera shutter clicks]

[Barney] Pugsley?

Pugsley, wake up. [crying]

Pugsley, wake up. [sniffles]

Wake up.

[gasps] Pugsley? Pugsley! You're alive?

[laughs] Pugsley! Oh!

Thank you, Norma.

You didn't have to help us.

Oh, no. I did it for Pauline.

[Pauline over speakers] Your beautiful

photograph is ready to collect.

-[whimpers]

-Don't worry, buddy. It's all over now.

There's still one more thing for us to do.

[knocking at door]

[Courtney] Ugh! Let me in!

-[door opens]

-Huh?

Wait. You guys are alive?

What happened to Temeluchus?

[growls and barks]

Oh, he had a great time in the park.

And made lots of memories.

[screams] How am I ever gonna

get myself un-banished now?

You know, I'm glad we're alive

but, uh, I still really wanted that job.

Yeah, me too. Guess I'll just spend

another 15 years hyper-fixating

on something else.

Wait, wait! Wait! Humans. [chuckles]

What do you want now?

Don't you wanna know who got the job?

You tricked us. There is no job.

In this place,

there's always a job going. [chuckles]

I tend to scare away most security guards.

Put these on and you'll blend right in.

You guys are like

demon-buster extraordinaires.

I need you guys around.

Wouldn't we be the last people

you'd want hanging around?

Not all demons are as friendly

and forgiving as I am.

After what happened today,

I feel I'm gonna need

a lot of security around.

So what do you say?

-Well, to be honest…

-[squeals] I got the job!

-I got it! [laughs]

-[Swati laughing over phone]

I'll be right over to pick you up!

-There's going to be a big party tonight.

-Psst. Norma.

-Ma, wait. See you in a minute.

-Oh, I'm so--

Do you think we can trust her?

Hmm. Well, she is a demon.

I try not to judge people on appearance.

And she did try to sacrifice us.

Or experience.

Or deep-seated gut instincts.

Anyhow, Mom's coming to pick me up

for celebration tacos.

[chuckles] Uh, wanna come with me, Barney?

Hey! You remembered my name.

Don't make it weird.

Uh, so what do you say?

My whole family's going out

for dinner. [chuckles]

Even my grandma. Uh, wanna come?

Well, I'm gonna stick around here

for just a little bit.

[barks]

Maybe get a shift in right away.

For the overtime.

-You have fun, partner.

-[gasps]

Don't suppose this place has any bedrooms?

Anxiety ♪

Tossing, turning in your sleep ♪

Whoa!

Even if you run away ♪

You still see them in your dreams ♪

Whoa!

It's so dark tonight ♪

But you'll survive and talk to me ♪

[owl hoots]

So, my liege… [chuckles nervously]

Sorry about that. No, uh…

No hard feelings.

Hmm. There's a bit of you missing.

Where did that go?

[Barney] Ah, it's perfect.

For tonight, at least.

[panting]

Oh, how thoughtless of me. Here you go.

[whimpers]

Ah! A place of our own. Just like I said.

[yawns] Night-night, Pugsley.

[Pugsley] Night-night, Barney.

[theme music playing]