01x07 - Norma Khan: Paranormal Detective

[bunniefuu]

[opening theme music playing]

[chuckles]

-Whoa!

-[both scream]

Ah! [screams]

[Norma laughing]

-Ah! No!

-Huh?

Ah!

Ouch!

-[Barney yells]

-[Norma laughs]

Phew.

-Hey!

-[all scream]

[mysterious music playing]

[Norma] There.

Every single piece of evidence

for the disappearance of Jennifer Swan.

What do you think?

[Barney] Could you just zoom out a bit?

[Norma] Oh, sure.

Today's the day we solve it.

She was in the In-between

and we got out of there alive,

so maybe she can, too.

Oh, good thinking.

Yeah!

Well, you have fun with that.

Wait, you're not going to help?

Ugh, I'd love to, but I kinda have

that thing with my family.

Hopefully I can smooth things out.

I can't wait to get my scratches!

Are you sure you don't

want to tell them you can talk?

Scratches first.

Mom and Dad know

how to scratch my belly just right.

Hey, what's wrong with my scratches?

-[gasps]

-[grunting]

Oh, your scratches are fine.

[scoffs] Fine?

-[grunting]

-Uh, Courtney!

Want to help me solve a…

-What's that?

-Sorry, busy!

Stuff. [chuckles] Laters.

[groans]

[thudding]

Fine, I'll do this on my own. [yelps]

On your own?

Want company? What are we doing?

Uh, you wouldn't be interested.

I'm solving a disappearance.

[whispers] Possibly a m*rder.

If investigating a m*rder is the only way

to hang out with you, then fine!

Where are we heading first, boss?

Uh, to meet an informant.

And I suppose every great detective

has to have a sidekick.

You mean partner.

No, I don't.

[suspenseful music playing]

-[wind blowing]

-[insects chirping]

[dramatic Western music playing]

[glasses clink]

Barney!

[jaunty piano music playing]

Patrick!

-Hey!

-[Pugsley barks]

-Pugsley!

-Uh, hi…

[chuckles nervously]

[clears throat]

[both chuckle nervously]

I'll get you good, Justifer Jones!

-Oh! Yah!

-[grunts]

[chuckles nervously]

-So, uh, how have you been?

-Uh, Pugsley can talk!

-Barney!

-Pugsley!

-Mom!

-Patrick!

[grunts]

Bread?

[suspenseful music playing]

[birds chirping]

Thank you for coming, Vince.

Thank you for calling my teacher

and pretending to be my mom.

So you believe me now?

[Norma] I believe in examining

all possible evidence.

However dubious.

[both grunting]

You know, this looks way more suspicious

than if you just talk face-to-face.

[Vince] Whatever you do,

don't trust anybody.

Thank you. It's good to know

there's someone here I can trust.

So, what's the magazine?

[Norma] Uh, well, Pauline's

former stunt double, Barborah Winslow,

claimed that she was

the real Pauline for years,

that she stole her career.

The two used to be inseparable,

but they fell out filming some TV ad.

And what's she got to do

with Jennifer's disappearance?

Barborah is crazy.

She hates Pauline.

Maybe she wanted to blackmail her

by kidnapping an employee

or maybe Barborah kidnapped

Jennifer thinking that she was Pauline.

Uh, Norma,

I think it's pronounced Barbara.

It's written Barborah.

Barborah isn't a name.

Well, whatever. I hate her.

She spent her life

trying to bring down Pauline.

So she's my primary suspect.

I don't know. Jennifer was so nice.

It's hard to think anybody

would do that over a feud.

Wait. You knew her?

Well, yeah, I do that employee

initiation day for everyone.

Even the impersonators.

Do you remember

the last thing Jennifer said to you?

Sure, she said…

"Bye!"

Before that!

Hmm, "I've gotta go now."

Badyah, can you rewind a little more?

She said… Oh! "Hi. My name is Jennifer."

Okay, so I didn't know her that well!

Do you know who did?

[static]

It's the best, most expensive

life insurance option on the market.

I'm fine. Just a scratch!

-What was that?

-[Badyah] Hey, Norma, you coming?

[muffled techno music playing]

Welcome, darlings,

to the Hall of Ex-Husbands!

Husband number one,

tiger dentist Chester Cole!

Husband number two,

baked bean mogul Clinton Jones.

Husband number three,

Swedish pop sensation Jonas Tornqvist.

Could never wrap my tongue

around that one!

Husband number four, well,

it's our old pal Chester Cole again,

back from faking his own death

for tax purposes.

Unfortunately for him, he forgot

his parachute the second time around.

No!

[wedding music playing]

[lip-synching] Forget about diamonds!

Prenups are a girl's best friend,

and maybe, one day, you too

can be an ex-husband of Pauline Phoenix!

[gasps]

Norma, wait, it's her wedding day!

[eerie music playing]

-Ouch!

-[all gasping]

Excuse me. This is a Paulines-only area!

Gold pass and I have questions.

No, [sighs] none of us

are the real Pauline!

Though some of us act like we are.

Don't be jealous

just because I'm her favorite.

No, it's about Jennifer Swan.

Second favorite then.

Pauline had her eyes

on Jennifer from the day she started.

What do you mean?

Pauline watches us like a hawk.

She checks our every move.

She watches you?

Oh, yes. She ranks us from best to worst.

Making sure we pull off

her flawlessness flawlessly.

And when you reach the top,

the reward is to die for.

So, how does she track you?

You're holding it,

but keep it to yourself, darling.

[suspenseful music playing]

[piano music playing]

[imitates sh**ting noises]

Ow! [screams]

What would you like, sweetie?

Hmm. I kind of want

the High Noon hamburger,

but I know you guys would rather

I have a Say Your Prayers salad.

You live your authentic truth, honey.

If having the burger makes you happy,

we fully support you.

Ugh.

Are you rolling your eyes at your mother?

She says she supports you.

Uh, waiter,

can I get a glass of toilet water?

[imitates comedy cymbals, laughs]

'Cause I'm a dog. [chuckles]

Oh, oh, oh. Mmm.

Whoa… More.

[military music playing]

July 22nd, 7:15 a.m.

She enters the park.

7:20, skinny latte

from the Main Street coffee machine.

-7:25, Scare Square.

-[digital beeping]

Wow. This is so creepy and thorough.

And there!

Dead End lobby, stairs, hallways,

Hall of Mirrors, and then nothing?

It's like we thought. She just vanished.

Who else would have been

in Dead End that day?

[gasps]

[birds chirping]

[Courtney imitating Barney] Courtney,

would you care for another cup of gravel?

[in normal voice]

Oh, you're too kind, Barney.

[imitates Barney] Two sugars?

[in normal voice] Please.

[imitates Barney] There you go, dear.

[in normal voice] So kind of you.

[imitates Barney] Oh, please,

it is my absolute pleasure.

-[in normal voice] You are such a delight.

-Uh, Courtney?

Oh, uh, hello!

I guess we don't knock

on this plane anymore.

Aw, are you scared that Barney meeting

his parents means he's gonna move out?

Oh! That is so adorable and tragic.

I got used to having roomies, okay?

Haven't met anybody else

in this dump for a year.

I started talking to myself

and, man, I'm so rude.

[slurping]

So, you were here

when Jennifer disappeared?

[munches] Sure.

[dramatic music playing]

I didn't do it,

if that's what you're asking.

We can't rule out any suspect.

[mockingly] Oh, I'm hurt, Norma.

I'm bleeding.

The day we met you,

you tried to sacrifice us to a demon king.

[teary] But I've had so much

character development since then!

Tell us everything you know

about Jennifer's disappearance,

or we tell everyone

about your little tea party.

Fine!

So, she ran up these stairs.

[whimpers]

[gasps and whimpers]

And, uh, then she ran through here.

[panting]

And then she turned this way.

[whimpering and panting]

-[Courtney screams]

-[both gasp]

[both] Courtney!

Are you okay?

Uh, yeah,

we're doing a re-creation, right?

So, she went through this door

and then she was like… [screams]

You didn't go to see what was happening?

What was chasing her?

My toast had just popped.

-[dramatic music playing]

-I had other plans.

And those Pauline look-alikes

go missing all the time.

I didn't realize it was a big deal.

Ugh, Courtney. That's so…

Wait, what?

Ain't you seen the posters?

[gasps] Pauline is doing

a concert in the park!

Oh, my ghosts! Do we get free tickets?

Norma, focus!

[sinister music playing]

See, they all disappear eventually.

Norma, how did we not know this?

"Any information,

please speak to the chief custodian."

Oh, uh, uh, you have it.

No, you.

No. You have it.

No, you have it.

Please. I insist.

Just take the lousy nacho, Barney!

Saul, calm down, please!

[Barney] Oh, that's right.

I should be more upfront

about what I need.

And what you need is a nacho?

[sighs] Anyhow,

I was so happy you invited us--

Look, you say I can have the nachos,

but then I get the nachos

and you start talking about

how you wish I got the broccoli.

What are you talking about?

We gave you nachos and the mozzarella dips

and the cheese fries!

We've let you have everything you want.

Some kids don't have

half as many nachos as you do!

Sit down, why don't you?

Your father is right.

You could be a little more thankful.

Am I supposed to thank you for everything?

Oh, thank you for these cheese fries.

Oh, thank you for the cornbread.

It's divine.

Thanks for giving birth to me!

You're welcome! It wasn't easy, you know!

What's this got to do with nachos?

[eerie music playing]

[Norma] Uh, excuse me.

Uh, Miss Custodian Lady?

What? Can't you see I'm busy?

It's about

the disappearances, uh, before Jennifer.

Why are all those

Pauline impersonators missing?

[woman] They're not.

But the posters!

Have you looked at 'em?

Really looked at 'em?

Don't those faces look familiar to you?

[gasps] Oh, my ghosts,

[stammers] it's them.

The Pauline impersonators.

Nice observation.

Nice compliment.

But why didn't they mention it to us?

'Cause they're scared.

I've tried talking to them,

but they don't want to listen!

This goes all the way to the top!

To the top?

Okay. So, first, Jennifer Swan

disappears on a radar,

then that weird insurance ad

is playing at the museum

and, finally,

missing people aren't missing?

Nothing's making sense!

Insurance ad?

I know, right?

I've seen every single second

of Pauline's catalog,

but I never saw that.

I… I have to go.

-I got a shift at the museum.

-[ominous music playing]

Look, I don't care

about the mozzarella dip.

-I don't care about the fries!

-[Saul] Of course you don't.

-I can't believe we stayed here for this.

-You're so ungrateful!

[Patrick] Can you guys all cool it?

We can order more nachos!

[sighs] I don't get it. We accepted you.

That is what parents are supposed to do.

That's the bare minimum.

What about that dinner?

[stammers] What dinner?

You know what dinner.

You just let Grammy Gram

say all that stuff to me right to my face!

Oh, honey buns.

We all know Grammy Grams is difficult.

Does it matter what she says?

Uh, yeah, and what's worse,

you didn't even stand up for me!

Oh, she wouldn't understand.

-You don't understand!

-[objects clattering]

Sir, if you're gonna do that again,

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

But everyone else was doing it.

They're actors.

Well, that's just confusing.

Yeah, you're setting a bad example.

Agreed.

[gasps] Barney!

Norma?

Barney, we figured it out!

Excuse me.

We're having a family discussion.

Oh, sorry, we didn't mean to--

So are we.

[somber music playing]

[sighs] Come along, Patrick.

Look, guys. I apologize

for running away and not telling you.

-That was wrong.

-Then come home.

You've…

You've got to make it one first.

Hey, you can have this if you want.

[military music playing]

So, after an extensive

and very thorough investigation,

I think it's obvious

the culprit is none other

than Pauline's ex-stunt double Barborah.

[Badyah] What?

-[record scratch]

-Norma, really?

Well, who else could it be?

[all] Pauline!

What?

She's tracking everyone's movements.

All the victims are her look-alikes.

She has access to the whole park.

She's a rich white lady,

and they can be the worst.

It's obviously Pauline, so case closed.

No, case not closed

because Jennifer Swan is still missing.

Um, are you sure?

[mic feedback whines]

Jennifer? Jennifer Swan?

Uh, well, honey,

'round here, they call me Pauline.

You want an autograph?

What I'd like is an explanation,

Jennifer Swan.

[chuckles nervously] Have we met?

Yes! In the In-between.

Where have you been?

Who took you? [gasps] Was it Barborah?

I can't say! She told me not to.

And [hesitating] I never would anyway.

-I got--

-Who said that?

[waiter] That's it.

Out!

Huh?

Oh.

Are you okay, Norma?

I need to be alone.

Norma!

For what it's worth,

you make a pretty good detective.

[chuckles] And you make

a pretty good sidekick.

[whimpering]

[footsteps approaching]

Hey, you okay?

No. You?

[scoffs] Nope.

Oh, you left this at the restaurant.

[Barney] At least we can draw a line

under the whole Jennifer thing.

No one's missing after all.

[chuckles] Funny how

sometimes the things we're looking for

are right in front of us.

[gasps] Wait a minute!

Really looked at 'em?

Insurance ad?

I got a shift at the museum.

[gasps] The museum!

Norma, wait.

What's going on at the museum?

[sinister music playing]

[gasps]

[Barney] The custodian.

Why don't you call her

by her real name. Barborah!

Thank you.

Everybody calls me Barbara.

[Norma] You've been kidnapping

impersonators to blackmail Pauline

and turned away anybody

who's come sniffing.

You used to be her friend,

but ever since you fell out

sh**ting that commercial,

you've tried to take Pauline down!

[Barborah] Oh, you don't know Pauline.

She took everything from me.

I've spent years searching for

that stupid ad to prove who she really is.

It's hidden somewhere here,

and I'm gonna find it,

and I'm not letting

you kids get in my way!

-[TV glitches]

-Pugsley?

[warbling]

[Pauline over TV] You love your family.

You make sure they wear their seat belts.

I don't believe it.

After all these years of searching!

Finally everyone can see the truth!

To the Spitburgh package

by Samsarah Mutual.

Oh, it's the best,

most expensive

life insurance option on the market.

Sign up… [static]

[thudding]

[wind blowing]

[ominous music playing]

[whooshing]

[music box playing]

[sinister music playing]

Hello, my darlings!

[gasps] Pauline?

[echoing] In the flesh. [chuckles]

Well, kind of.

Sore subject, actually.

What is happening?

So you finally show your true colors!

Green is not my color,

and I can't let anyone

see that unfortunate footage.

I said [distorted] don't touch it!

[Barborah grunts]

[grunting] Leave those kids alone!

Outta my way!

What a stunt! You still got it, Barb!

Pugsley!

[grunting]

[grunts]

Norma, uh, help!

Hey, you all left me behind

to pay the restaurant tab.

Courtney, not now!

-Whoa, cool.

-[yelps]

-[grunting]

-[both scream]

[cackling]

What's so funny?

You're too late!

You. You were just buying time!

[laughs]

[growling]

Run!

[panting]

No, no!

[static]

[theme music playing]