02x07 - Group Project

[bunniefuu]

[unsettling, suspenseful music playing]

[Charles] The location,

Vinick Capital Headquarters,

downtown San Francisco.

The mission, obtain a secret file,

code name "Aurora."

[upbeat jazz music playing]

[scanner beeps]

[spy music playing]

[scanner beeps]

[phone ringing out]

I'll be back in an hour.

Yes, Mr. Vinick.

[phone ringing]

Vinick Capital.

Hello?

[music continues]

[whispering] Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Gotcha.

[music stops]

No!

Why not?

Because you don't know

how to do any of that.

Like, how exactly did you get access

to his computer?

- I hacked it.

- Oh, you hacked it. Okay, great.

And why did you have two aces of spades?

Actually, no.

Doesn't matter.

We're gonna go with the original plan.

Okay, fine.

Hey, what's that?

Sticking out of your day planner there.

An ace of spades.

And a six of diamonds.

Oh, sh**t. Must have stuck together.

[Julie laughs]

I had pancakes this morning.

Syrup on my fingers. Mystery solved.

Great job, Detective.

[theme music playing]

The key to the whole case

is a document called Project Aurora.

Vinick showed Andrea Yi

a small piece of it the other night,

but all she really knows is what he said.

It's Vinick's secret plan

for remaking Wheeler College.

I'm telling you, it is big.

Why did he show it to you?

I'm head of economics, and I've

been supportive of his donations,

so I'm sure he assumed

that I was on his team.

What did he say, exactly?

He was cagey,

but he kept using terms like efficiency,

consolidation, rightsizing.

In the econ world,

that means people are getting fired.

We have a contract that lays out

exactly what he is and is not allowed

to do with his donation.

Shocker, looks like the billionaire

is going to ignore the agreement

and do whatever he wants.

[Charles] Our theory is this.

Way back at the beginning of the year,

someone on the faculty

found out about Project Aurora

and knew that it would threaten

their future at Wheeler College,

so they stole Berenger's computer,

blackmailed him,

burned the painting to scare Vinick away,

all to k*ll the deal.

If we get that file

and learn whose job was threatened,

we'll find our perp.

Andrea saw the file

on Vinick's cell phone,

so the plan is to steal that phone

at his upcoming college reunion event.

Can you really pull that off

by yourselves?

We won't have to.

I'm assembling a team.

The people in this room

comprise an elite strike force

of undercover operatives,

people I can trust.

And now

I will explain our top-secret plan.

Jeez, right down to business.

You're not even gonna tell us

how you and Mona met?

Later.

Right now, we have important work to do.

[Mona] We met at a party.

Then we went shopping for a tuba.

Then we made out under the stars.

Romantic. [laughs]

Never took me tuba shopping.

Don't need a tuba.

All I have to do is listen to you snore.

He's got you there.

I hear you at night,

and I'm two rooms away.

Okay, let's focus on the mission, please.

Oh, right. Nancy Drew here

has a big spy announcement.

Operation Waterslide

is a three-phase plan.

We have to get Brad Vinick's phone,

download the Aurora file,

and return the phone to him unnoticed.

To pull that off,

we need your help.

- Pass.

- It's open bar.

- I'm back in.

- [Charles] Good.

The setting,

Brad Vinick's 50th class reunion.

Around 7:00 p.m., Vinick arrives.

He'll have private security

at each entrance,

but none inside the room.

Calbert will pose

as the manager of the catering crew.

You'll be stationed at a table

near the entrance.

- Your code name will be

- [Julie] No.

No code names. We talked about this.

It makes things more confusing.

Please. I mean, when are we ever

gonna get to have code names?

- Please.

- I really would like a code name, Julie.

- What's wrong with a code name?

- Please.

Okay, okay, fine.

- Yes!

- God.

So, Calbert's our lookout.

His code name is Eagle Eyes.

Ooh, I like that.

Now, when I give the signal,

Elliot and Virginia will approach Vinick

and introduce themselves.

We know Vinick always carries his phone

in his jacket pocket.

We get the jacket, we get the phone.

So just as Elliot

and Virginia make contact,

Megan, disguised as a waiter,

will spill water on his jacket.

- Okay! What a day, wow.

- Oh my gosh, I am so sorry.

An early bath.

Oh! Let me take that for you.

- We can dry it in the back.

- Sure. Okay.

Megan's code name, Splash Zone.

Phase two. Splash Zone brings

the jacket containing the phone

back to a waiting Julie in the coatroom.

Julie will take Vinick's phone

and download the file.

Her code name, Froggy.

No.

It's already what we call you.

It's perfect.

- No.

- Fine.

Julie's code name is Wet Blanket.

Next, Elliot and Virginia

continue to chat up Vinick,

buying us crucial time

so Julie can download the file.

Elliot, code name Dealmaker,

will use his financial knowledge.

Traded junk bonds, mostly. [laughs]

- Those were wild days, man.

- [Vinick] Oh, they sure were.

I like the cut of your jib.

I'd like to give you one million dollars.

What?

Could happen.

Virginia, code name Velvet Rope,

do not let Vinick get past you.

[Vinick] So, if you'll excuse me.

I'll do nothing of the sort.

You and I have barely gotten started.

Well, you certainly made a fine choice

with this one, Elliot.

I have an indecent proposal for you.

I'll give you that million dollars

if I can have one night alone

with your wife.

What? Could happen.

How are you gonna get

the code to unlock Vinick's phone?

I already have it.

I watch when people are using their

phones and I memorize the codes.

9138, 1973, 0257,

Yeah, I should probably change that.

Finally, phase three.

Julie puts the phone

back in Vinick's pocket.

Megan returns the dried-out jacket.

Vinick never knows what hit him.

I'll run point on everything,

so my code name will be Mastermind.

We will communicate

using these tiny earpiece microphones.

They look just like hearing A*DS,

so no one will notice.

Hang on, this is my hearing aid.

[chuckles]

Here we go. Here we go.

These are the tiny earpieces.

So, any questions? Yes.

What's my job?

You are the chief security officer,

code name Steel Curtain.

You will stand guard

outside the back room

where Julie is downloading

the secret files

and make sure no one gets in.

I'm a doorman?

You're chief security officer.

Of the door.

Like, if everything goes

according to plan,

I'll be standing there, motionless.

Let's hope so.

[intriguing music playing]

[Julie] I gotta say,

I'm surprised you actually had the guts

to sideline your girlfriend like that.

It's the right decision.

Plans like this

have to move like a Swiss watch.

She's more like a sexy cuckoo clock

that got stuck in a blender.

[laughs] Yeah. She's

a bit of a wild card.

Yeah, at least

the rest of my team is rock solid.

Are they, though?

Yes.

They're smart.

They're the perfect age

to blend in at a 50th reunion.

Calbert worked for the Pentagon.

In the cafeteria.

And he's not exactly in fighting shape.

- [scoffs]

- Listen, man.

I like the plan.

I really do, but it's very ambitious.

Operations like this?

sh*t goes sideways even when everybody

is at the top of their game.

Trust me, it's gonna go great.

You worry too much.

That's why everyone

calls you Wet Blanket.

[chilled jazz music playing]

[indistinct chatter and laughing]

All good?

Yep, check this out.

Brought my old Pentagon badge.

Being on a secret mission

made me feel cool again.

Maybe it'll come in handy.

Used to get me out of tickets.

- [Calbert chuckles]

- Hey.

- Are you sure you're up for this, buddy?

- Oh, I'm good.

Got a cortisone shot in my hip.

Good as new.

Good, okay.

[suspenseful music playing]

Hi. I thought you were gonna wear

that simple black dress.

Well, see I decided to invent

a backstory for my heist character.

I'm a sexy baccarat dealer

who hates herself for falling in love

with an international spy.

Oh, and I chose a name too.

Based on p*ssy Galore.

Hi. I'm Titty Gajillions.

Yeah okay.

See, here's the thing, Mona

Titty. Or Ms. Gajillions.

You're kind of supposed

to be blending in.

You're guarding a door

we don't want anyone to go through.

And this whole thing

is like a neon sign that says,

"Hey, check out this door."

Well, I realized that the job

of "guarding the door"

could be accomplished

by "locking the door."

So I just decided

I'm gonna have a little fun.

[clicks tongue]

[Mona] Hi, Titty Gajillions.

Enchantée, Titty Gajillions.

Bienvenue. Titty Gajillions.

Everything's in place.

Just play the role

of proud Wheeler College provost.

Okay.

And if possible, don't interact

with any of us at all.

Whoa!

Holly Golightly, Professor Nieuwendyk.

Jack, you made it.

Yeah, just got back in from Dallas,

where I ate the best steak

of my entire life.

Wanna know who I sat next to

on the plane back?

Lea Michele.

Wow.

From Glee.

Yeah.

Yeah, from from Glee.

I gave her my complimentary earbuds.

I'm gonna get a drink.

You guys want anything? Okay, great.

[scoffs] I thought

he wasn't gonna be here.

Should we tell him what's going on?

No. No, it's too risky.

- We'll brief him tomorrow.

- Okay.

- [chatting and laughing]

- [relaxing piano music playing]

Trying to figure out

who died since last time?

[Calbert chortles]

No, I'm not a graduate.

I work for the catering company.

Ooh. Well, kudos to you.

The stuffed mushrooms are excellent.

I'm Joy.

Calbert.

[Joy chuckles]

You ever say to yourself,

"I'm gonna have a great time tonight?"

You get ready, put on your pantyhose,

splash on some White Diamonds,

and you get to the event, then

you realize, "I don't wanna be here."

Pretty much everywhere I've gone

the last five years,

I've thought, "I don't wanna be here."

Regardless of what I'm wearing.

[Joy laughs]

Would you like to sit?

Oh, I was going to anyway, but thanks.

[both laugh lightly]

This is Mastermind. Everyone, check in.

Splash Zone, copy.

Whatever my name is, copy.

Hi, Charles Oh

Where are you?

I can't see you.

- Oh God.

- Shush. Velvet Rope, cool it.

Eagle Eyes, do you copy?

- [man] Joy, is that you?

- Oh, hey.

- [man] Hi.

- Sorry, yes I got distracted.

By that nice-looking lady

you're chatting up?

Mastermind your own damn business.

Hang on, Eagle Eye to whatever

Charles is, I forget.

That guy, Vinick,

does he have a code name?

Told you, confusing.

Anyway, Vinick is here,

and he's not wearing a jacket.

He's wearing a sweater.

Repeat, Vinick's wearing a sweater.

I'm going in.

Hey, Brad.

Charles Nieuwendyk, the engineer.

Oh, yeah, yeah, hey.

Nice sweater.

Oh, this is a letterman I got

for playing varsity squash in '73.

Wheeler doesn't even have

a squash team anymore.

Believe it? This place is going to hell.

Anyway, I'm gonna step outside.

Can't light up in here.

The woke alarms will go off.

[laughs] Oh.

That's wonderful.

Ha!

Abort. Abort. Everyone, get out.

Go to the airport, fly to Monte Carlo.

Disregard, everyone, sit tight.

His phone is in his pants, Julie.

This is a jacket heist,

not a pants heist.

- What do we do?

- Shut up and let me think.

There might be one possibility.

[dramatic music playing]

It's me. I need you

at the Wheeler campus, now.

My God, what did you order us?

I told them to make

their most embarrassing drink.

Well, they succeeded.

[Joy chuckles]

Listen

I lied to you before.

I don't work for the catering company.

I'm just here as a favor to a friend.

Okay, well why did you tell me

you work for the catering company?

I wanted to avoid conversation.

I'm not much of a people person.

But I didn't know that you

were the people I was gonna meet.

[Joy chuckles]

Well, I lied to you too.

Those stuffed mushrooms were nasty.

[Calbert laughing]

I'm glad you don't work

for those nasty-a*s mushroom makers.

[Calbert laughing]

You were Wheeler class of '75.

I was.

I got my JD in Maryland Law in '78.

I'm from Baltimore.

Get out.

- You an Orioles fan?

- World's biggest.

Wow, you and I,

we do have a lot to talk about.

Oh, for example, why haven't they made

a single big trade the last three years?

- It's driving me insane.

- Mm-hm.

Wow, we need two of these.

[Joy] Mm.

This is great.

You know what's crazy?

Greatest baccarat player I ever saw,

Burt Bacharach.

Burt Bacharach was great at baccarat.

What took you so long?

You said it was fancy,

so I had to put on my press-on nails.

What's going on here, exactly?

We're running an operation.

It was a bulletproof plan,

then out of nowhere, it just fell apart.

So, not bulletproof.

We were going to extract a cell phone

out of our target's pocket,

but he wore a sweater.

His phone is in his pants pocket.

You're the only one

that can pull off a job like this.

You invited me here

to pickpocket someone?

Julie, I haven't tried

a lift like that in 20 years.

I can't believe you're

asking me to do this.

I wouldn't ask if we

had any other option.

Can you do it?

Okay, if you really need me to.

I just I need to warm up.

[Vanessa clears throat]

[exhales deeply]

Hi, I'm Vanessa.

Charles. How do you do?

You wear a tuxedo well. Is this Prada?

Um

- I have no idea.

- [Vanessa laughs]

Well, it looks great on you.

Nice fit.

I just love these old buildings,

don't you?

- I'm an engineer. I love architecture.

- [Vanessa laughs]

Okay, I still got it, I guess.

[Charles] Oh, wow.

That's incredible.

And I also have your ChapStick

and an ace of spades?

[clears throat] Yeah, see, I thought

if the opportunity presented itself

Here's a name tag.

Here's my cell phone.

Same one Vinick has, more or less.

I changed the wallpaper to match his.

If you can get his out and this phone in,

hopefully he won't notice the difference.

- Can you make the switch?

- I'll give it my best shot.

Mom, any sign of trouble, just walk away,

and I'll meet you in the parking lot.

- [Charles] Okay.

- Okay.

- [suspenseful music playing]

- [door closes]

[Megan] He's right over there.

One o'clock.

[Vanessa] Oh, okay, Megan,

when I adjust his sweater,

you bump me from behind, hard.

- Copy.

- Okay, team, we're improvising.

Everybody, stand by.

Sparkle Hands has the wheel.

Who?

That's your code name, Sparkle Hands.

I just came up with it. It's perfect. Go.

[man] So in 1988,

I actually moved up to Seattle.

Well, Edmonds, really.

It's about 20 minutes from Seattle,

if there's no traffic

But, y'know, there's gonna be traffic.

It's Seattle, right?

- Huh?

- [Vanessa laughs]

I once had an incredible old-fashioned

at a bar in Seattle.

Actually, that sounds so good.

Could you get me an old-fashioned?

Sure, be right back.

Unless there's traffic.

- Ha.

- [Vanessa laughs]

Seemed like you needed to be rescued.

I did, thank you. I'm Brad.

I know who you are.

Janet.

I'm surprised you came,

given all your success.

Well, I've, uh, recently gotten

more involved with the school.

Oh, wonderful, especially

since your time is so valuable.

- Well

- Oh, you're crooked.

Um, is it okay if I?

- Yeah, help yourself.

- Oh. Okay. [laughs]

- Oh! Oh, God, I'm very sorry, sir.

- Whoa! Watch where you're going.

You should be.

Can I help you with anything?

I have a few more napkins.

- I'm fine! I'm fine, okay?

- I'm so sorry. So sorry.

- God

- Oh, um, I lost a heel.

- Can I use your?

- Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That was ridiculous.

Where did that woman even go?

I don't know.

Back to the kitchen, I think.

What an idiot.

I'm gonna go speak to her manager.

[Charles] She made the switch.

She made the switch.

Now we gotta keep Vinick occupied

so he doesn't check the phone.

Dealmaker, Velvet Rope, you're up.

Brad Vinick, oh my God.

It's been ages. How's tricks?

Did tell me your name again.

I forget everybody's name.

Rich, Rich McEnroe.

And I'm his wife, Raquel.

As in Welch.

[Elliot] Hey, you're in finance, right?

I don't wanna brag,

but I have also hurt a lot of people.

Vanessa, that was incredible.

How much time?

Hard to say. Ten minutes?

Dealmaker, Velvet Rope,

we need about ten minutes.

- [Virginia] For what?

- Jesus, what are you doing?

Why aren't you talking to Vinick?

We were, then he just walked away.

I think he felt threatened by me.

We're both alphas.

You're the only thing stopping him

from looking at his phone

and realizing it's not his phone.

He's a cigar guy.

Just offer him a cigar

or get into an argument.

- What would we argue about?

- Whatever you argued about last.

- Her snoring.

- That's not the last thing.

- Yes, it is.

- No.

The last argument we had was

about how you like to pay the bill

and leave before I've finished my wine.

That's what we argued about last week.

Yesterday, we were arguing about snoring.

You're insane.

Ah, of course.

[dramatic music playing]

Vinick's going for his phone.

We're out of distractions.

Somebody, some any

[tapping on mic]

Hello, may I have your attention?

Hi. I'm Mona Margadoff

from the music department.

It's so great to see

all your smiling Wheeler faces tonight,

especially our esteemed alum,

Mr. Brad Vinick.

[scattered cheers]

Now, as some of you might know,

I was once in a band

called Lavender Highway,

and we sang a song, "Goodbye, Baby."

[cheers rise]

Thank you.

And I have not sung that song live

in about 50 years,

but tonight, for him,

I'm going to make an exception.

So, Brad Vinick, this is for you.

[cheering]

[man] Three, four!

["Goodbye, Baby" playing]

We could talk for a thousand years ♪

And I wouldn't change my mind ♪

You could cry me a thousand tears ♪

And I'd still be gone tonight ♪

Me and Paul at the Taj Mahal ♪

Gonna backpack to Timbuktu ♪

Till the sun rises in the west ♪

Adios, fare-thee-well, adieu ♪

So now, it's goodbye, baby ♪

Now, it's goodbye, baby ♪

Done. We have to swap the phones back

before Vinick realizes.

- I'm not sure my mom is up to it.

- I'll figure something out.

[all] Goodbye, baby ♪

Well, it's ♪

Not like me to stay too long ♪

Come on!

Now, it's goodbye, baby ♪

Now, it's goodbye, baby ♪

Well, I've got my ticket ♪

And I'm gone ♪

[crowd cheering]

Wow, that was

That was so cool.

For the first time all night,

I'm glad I showed up.

Aw, you're sweet.

Hey, Brad. You want a picture with Mona?

Oh! Yeah, yeah.

I remember that album cover.

- You were buried on the beach.

- [Mona] Mm-hmm.

It looked like you were naked.

Yeah, Guy Webster did that sh**t

in Marina del Rey,

and I was naked.

[laughing] No

Yep. Yep, in my birthday suit.

- Here we go.

- [camera clicks]

Great. Thank you. Thanks.

Oh, thank you.

That was quick thinking.

Maybe my code name

should be "Underestimated."

[gentle music playing]

Hm. Oh.

I'm just about done with these heels.

It was nice meeting you, Calbert.

I hope I see you again.

I hope so too.

Could I have your number

so I could give you a call sometime?

Well, if it's truly meant to be,

you'll find me.

I'm just messing with you. It's 510

[laughing] 510

- 698

- 6

Another incredible evening, Brad.

We are lucky that you continue

to grace us with your presence.

You ever get tired of gracing my a*s

with your lips?

[laughs] Wonderful.

[Jack, straining] Okay

A few bumps in the road, but in the end,

looks like my team nailed it.

We're not done yet, Charles.

Round everybody up quietly

and get them out of here.

I'll meet you back at my office.

- Text me with updates.

- [Megan] Copy.

Mom? Ready to go?

Yeah. [clears throat]

- You okay?

- No, I just want to get outta here.

- Can you please take me

- What?

What is it?

[dramatic music playing]

I'm blown. He's coming over.

Mayday. Mayday.

Keep Vinick away from Vanessa.

He's on to her.

[Charles] Eagle Eyes.

Hey, Calbert, need you now.

- Stop Vinick.

- How?

Flash your badge.

Punch him in the face. Stop him.

[guests gasping]

God

That was brilliant.

Perfect distraction.

[chuckling] Way to sell the fall.

That was real.

My hip gave out.

I need a doctor.

Okay, buddy. I'm so sorry. Okay. Hang on.

[melancholy music playing]

[siren wailing]

Any luck?

[Julie] Megan's decrypting it now

at the office.

I'm taking my mom home.

How's Calbert?

Not sure.

I knew he wasn't up for this,

and I just made him do it anyway.

Julie, I feel terrible.

Yeah, I know.

Me too.

[doctor] You're very lucky, Calbert.

It didn't break. It's heavily bruised.

You have a partially torn labrum.

I gotta say, I'm shocked

you're still able to walk on that hip.

"Tough times don't last."

"Tough people do."

Okay, that doesn't mean anything,

and you need a hip replacement,

so you will stay overnight,

and we can consult

with a surgeon tomorrow.

[Charles] I'm sorry, you guys.

Tonight ended up being a bit of a mess.

- You two got in a fight

- Oh, we would've fought anyway.

No, we wouldn't have.

Calbert, I should not have

pushed you into this, man.

What's the point in having

your best friend be a spy

if you don't get to do spy stuff?

Plus, I met a pretty lady.

I should be thanking you.

- Now, hand me my pants.

- But what

Didn't you hear the doctor?

He wants you to stay the night.

With all these sick people? No way.

I'll sleep in my own bed.

Can you give us a second?

When do we get paid?

We did him a favor.

No one's paying you. [scoffs]

g*dd*mn it.

Fine! Fine, here, I'll

take some of these tongue depressors.

- Stick 'em in your purse.

- Stick 'em in your a*s.

Remember when I first

told you about Mona?

You barked at me

and said I couldn't be in a relationship

with somebody if I were lying to them.

Well, you are lying to yourself

if you think you can live like this.

You're gonna get the surgery.

No, I'm not.

Once they start cutting on you,

they never stop.

Or they fix you up and you feel better.

Then you get to hang out with your friend

Charles for another 20 years.

Some things are worth the risk.

This will be better for you.

And for your wife, Joy.

You have us getting married?

Oh, yeah.

Do it for her.

And for your new grandkids.

[Calbert laughing]

[pensive music playing]

I will be here when you go under,

and I'll be here when you wake up.

[insects chirping]

[Julie] Is Apollo here?

Do you want me to wait with you?

It's fine. You can go to your office.

No, I wanna make sure you're okay.

- Mom

- You cut me out of your life for 25 years.

For doing stuff like this.

And now you ask me when it's

convenient for you? That is not fair.

I know. I'm sorry.

I didn't know who else I could ask.

I haven't slipped up once.

It's like I'm an alcoholic,

and you made me do a shot of tequila.

But do you know the worst part?

I got excited when you called.

I thought you were taking me

for a fancy night out.

I thought we were

gonna have fun together.

That's what it should have been.

I messed up.

I feel terrible.

I disappointed you.

But I promise that I will do whatever

I have to do to make it up to you.

For what it's worth, you saved our asses.

It was pretty cool to see you in action.

You're really good.

You should have seen me in my prime.

- [door closes]

- [footsteps approach]

Well?

It's bad.

Everything in Vinick's handshake deal

with Berenger is BS.

This isn't a charitable gift.

It's a hostile takeover.

He's gonna fire half the faculty,

force out board members,

and replace them with his own people.

[Charles] Look at this last page,

the mission statement.

"Project Aurora represents a new dawn

for Wheeler College."

"The old model has failed."

"It's a liberal arts school churning out

hapless kids with pointless degrees."

"All nonessential departments

will be shuttered."

"Wheeler will have three tracks of study:

biotechnology, economics,

and computer science,

to prepare young adults

for life in the modern world."

"Once we succeed here, we will spread

the methodology to other institutions."

This is an experiment

with Wheeler College as the guinea pig.

We were wondering which faculty member

found out about this

and had motive to stop it.

Well, turns out they all did.

Everyone at the school

has something to lose.

But one person

had the most to lose.

I just solved the case.

[intriguing music playing]