01x03 - Joy Ride

[bunniefuu]

The following programme contains

strong language and violent scenes.

I need to know who these people are.

Will you tell my wife about us?

Is that it?

A what?

Oi!

Exactly who and where is Iris Nixon?

This is Charlie's creator - Jensen.

All we need to get the machine

up and running again,

is to enter an activation sequence.

I need you to wake Charlie up

for me, Iris,

or they are gonna k*ll me.

Say it. "I'm a cop k*ller."

There's literally no one else

I can trust.

I need to hide something,

it's a book.

Sort of a diary.

Under no circumstances,

can you let anyone see you.

Or get their hands

on that briefcase.

Between 1953 and 1973,

the United States government

funded 116 studies into LSD.

Powerful psychedelics

were given to alcoholics,

obsessive-compulsives, depressives,

schizophrenics, convicts

and those suffering

from terminal cancer.

These experiments showed

that a single dose of LSD

could reduce or even eliminate

the fear of death

in the terminally ill.

My wife, um

was given three months.

And the

the anxiety she experienced

was unendurable.

She couldn't bear the idea

of being erased.

All she'd ever felt or thought

just being gone. Forever.

As if she had never been.

So, I administered her enough LSD

to bring about loss

of subjective identity.

At first, she saw terrible things

things of which

she would not speak.

But I stayed with her.

And after passing

through this shadow,

she let go her terror

and congregated with the dead:

her father, her mother.

Our child.

Upon her return,

she told me that dying was easy.

The dead are all around us.

Nothing ends.

Nothing ends.

And I was holding her hand

when she died and

it was the happiest moment

of her life.

Oh sorry.

Blimey. Are you OK?

Yeah, I was, um

a million miles away.

Look at that.

They're literally

putting his thinking cap on.

Are you ready for the off?

Always.

Oh, here comes the day

Comes the day

Oh, here comes the rain

On your parade

There's a price to pay

For a life of insincerity

And you pretend

That it doesn't matter

And that you're not scared

Oh, here comes that day

Here comes that day

Oh, here comes that rain

On your parade ♪

f*ck!

Come back here!

Pull over!

Stop the car!

-Give me that.

-No!

Get out of the f*cking car!

Get off me! Get out of the car!

Where's your phone?

You can't do that.

Yeah? Why not?

You're the police.

sh*t.

Right.

Where are you?

I'm at the police station.

You've caused an ungodly mess.

I need you help, Teo.

I need to get away

as quickly as possible.

I'm really in trouble here.

There are police everywhere,

and you are the only way

I can get off this island.

And what exactly do

you expect me to do?

Drive me off the island, on a ferry,

in your police car.

f*ck you. That's not gonna happen.

It's the only way you

get me out of your life.

Fine. Where are you?

There's an old watch tower.

On the beach.

Five miles from Cagliari.

I know the place.

Hmm.

Oh, Mr Baxter.

Yes.

Yes, I know your daughter.

When was this?

Model and registration.

Gia. Gia.

Si? Her phone number?

OK

Hello?

Hi! Is this Alfie Bird?

It is. Who's this?

We've never actually spoken.

My name's Iris Nixon.

Very funny.

Is this Claire?

No, this is Iris.

Do you have any idea how

many Iris Nixon's call me?

I actually don't.

Well, it's a lot.

They all think they're hilarious

and they all think they're

the first one to have the idea.

Half of them are blokes.

Don't you recognise my voice?

I've seen pictures.

But I never heard her speak.

I never really thought about that.

So where are you, "Iris"?

Doesn't matter. I'm leaving.

So, take a selfie, send it.

And have you plaster me

all over the internet?

I wouldn't do that.

Not if you were real.

I don't believe you.

OK. Thanks for calling.

I think I'm gonna hang up now.

Alright, let's reverse the

polarity of the neutron flow.

So, what you wanna do,

is monetise me. Right?

I'm not sure I'd put

it exactly like that-

Oh no, I don't take it personally.

To you, I'm content.

And that's fine.

It's just the way of the world.

But you want better content.

You want a bigger story!

You want traffic!

You want to go viral!

You want a billion views! Right?

Yeah, I want that.

Of course, I want that.

Well, I can give you that,

you lucky dog!

I can give you the full story.

What happened. To whom. And why.

-Why?

-Yes! And why!

No. No. I mean, why-

Why would you do that"?

Oh, I see.

Because I told someone that if he

came looking for me, I'd punish him.

I'd bring his entire world down

around him.

But he didn't listen. So now

I need you to help me do that.

Is this actually you?

Yes. Obviously.

Who else would it be?

I don't believe you.

No. But you want to, right?

So here's what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna send you a taster

of that proof I have.

Now, fair warning. If any of

this ends up on the internet,

you are gonna find me standing

at the end of your bed one night,

with a razor in my hand.

And I will slice off your oysters

and shove them down your throat.

Then I will open your belly

and drape your guts around the room

like f*cking Christmas decorations.

You get me?

Yes.

Good. Because this is not cosplay,

and this is not larping.

This is real.

Iris? Yes?

Uh, this is real, right?

This is real.

I'm not-I'm not sure

I ever really thought that

N-Not in my heart of hearts.

It was all just you know

So, actually, what-what

the hell is that thing?

That's what I'm trying to find out.

Meet me in Rome

and I will tell you everything.

What? In Italy? When?

Be there tomorrow. I'll call you.

It's OK to feel nervous, by the way.

I'm not nervous.

Oh, come on, you're only human.

I often wonder about that.

Perhaps I was grown in a vat and

poured out like pancake batter.

See that's interesting to me.

What is?

You consistently deny feeling things

that you're obviously feeling.

-Why do you do that?

-I'm not sure. Why do you consistently insist,

that I'm feeling something

that I'm quite possibly not?

-No. No.

-Do you-Are you trying to neg me?

No! I am not negging anyone,

least of all you.

I'm just good at reading people.

Really?

Yeah, I did a course.

Of course you did.

For what it's worth I'm nervous too.

I know.

I want him back, Iris.

I love him and I miss him

and I want him back.

Charlie?

Jensen!

Oh yeah, suppose you need him.

Christ.

Is that what you think of me?

That I don't actually

care about him?

Cos you wouldn't be able to think

that if you'd ever actually met him.

He was kind, and thoughtful,

and funny,

and he made brilliant people

feel stupid,

and the rest of us

feel like geniuses.

And I had to watch it all being

stripped away from him, bit by bit,

until all was had left, was this

Jensen-shaped f*cking vacuum flask.

And yes, I want you to wake up

the bloody machine,

because I don't want people

to hurt me.

But no, I am not

a f*cking automaton.

And yes, I do actually

care about him.

So please don't talk about him

like he's nothing. He's not nothing.

Cameron, I didn't mean to-

I can't help it.

I didn't try

I've just never had anyone

who is as significant to me,

as Jensen is to you.

I'm not always equipped,

the nuance of it,

emotionally, it's not

something that I'm, um

necessarily very good at.

That's true, isn't it?

You're not lying.

Why would I? You took a course.

No friends?

Um No, not really.

Ever?

No.

What about the rest of it?

No one special?

Er, not to speak of, no.

I don't believe you.

Look, you can

believe what you like.

But I don't understand

why it makes any difference.

Because,

if we mean nothing to each other,

then nothing means anything does it?

Oh, I completely agree.

It's a pretty desolate

way of looking at things.

It's really not.

So that's it?

You never look at

the night sky and see

transcendence and profundity,

beauty, unity, oneness?

All I see is reality.

But you're not just your brain,

Iris.

There's more than that.

Where?

Everywhere.

Here.

Now.

Morning, everyone.

We up and running?

We are up and running.

Outstanding. Go team!

Hey, Jensen.

You might remember Iris.

You met very briefly.

She's with us because

she's very, very good

at solving puzzles.

Well, I don't know about that.

So, thing is, Jensen

At the moment,

your diary is a puzzle.

And Charlie's password is in here.

And that's why Dia here,

put this together for me.

To help me solve it.

It uses neuro-imaging to detect

emotional changes in the brain -

anger, sadness, whatever.

Basically,

a much more effective lie detector.

Because emotions can't lie.

So, the first problem:

what code did you use?

So, at the top level

it's a Nihilist Cipher.

See all these squiggles.

But at core,

it's a basic substitution cipher.

Probably a book code.

Because book codes are almost

impossible to break.

Unless you know the book

that was used to create it.

And then

something occurred to me.

Why choose a diary?

I think you are very, very

cunning and very cautious.

I think you changed

the code every week.

Cryptographers call it

"key rotation".

I mean, that's gotta be hard, right?

All those codes.

So, every Monday,

you left yourself a little clue.

You know, for a long time, I thought

it was a drawing of a brain.

You are far too cunning for that.

It's not a brain.

So, what can it be?

I wonder

if it's this

the DNA sequence of

Deinococcus Radiodurans.

The world's toughest bacterium.

Which probably appealed

to your sense of humour.

I mean, using a DNA sequence

as the source of your book code.

Because DNA's "the book of life", right?

It's working, Jensen.

Thank you for coming.

I'm Inspector Casterman.

Where's Joy?

It's difficult to be sure.

But we are concerned that

Joy may be in some danger.

Can you think of anything

that might help us find her?

Anywhere she might try to hide.

With friends, for instance?

Hardly.

-Boyfriend?

-If only.

Her jacket.

I'm sorry?

She knows we can trace her phone.

And she has a habit of

pulling this kind of stunt.

And?

And I had a tracker

sewn into the lining of her jacket.

I see.

Well done, Joy.

That was very spirited.

I'm sorry she got you

mixed up in all this.

And now I am afraid, I don't know

what the hell to do with you.

I take it you came alone.

In one hour a passenger ferry

leaves Cagliari for Civitavecchia.

I need to be on it.

You take me in this.

Drop me at the Stazione Marittima.

Give me a couple of euros.

And that's it. We're done.

I'm gone.

The Special Crime Authority

are looking for you.

You'll be fine.

Hmm.

Can I trust you?

"Trust me"?

You're blackmailing me.

What more do you want me to do?

Do you want me to enjoy it?

Just get in.

What are we doing here?

Meeting someone.

Who?

Barbapapa.

What does that mean?

Nothing. Sit tight.

We'll be there soon.

Yeah, go.

I think it's your turn.

No, you don't!

I win! I always win

OK, duty calls.

I think I got it.

The password? -Yeah.

-Again?

Yeah, it looks like coordinates.

Amazing. It'll wait. Do it tomorrow.

Exactly.

Come on. Stay with your friends.

Yeah. How many times is that now?

127th time lucky

-OK, roll.

-She ain't coming back.

Nope!

"The Bootes Void."

Whatever floats your boat.

OK?

Iris?

Iris, what have you done?

Iris!

Attention. Emergency. f*ck this!

This facility will lock down

in two minutes.

If you can not reach you designated

safe area, shelter in place.

Attention. Emergency.

This facility will lock down

in 30 seconds.

If you can not reach you designated

safe area, shelter in place.

Oh, my God!

What the f*ck!

f*ck!

Attention! Emergency!

This facility will lock down

in 60 seconds.

f*ck it!

Attention. Emergency!

This facility will lock down

in 30 seconds.

Iris!

Access denied.

Oh, God.

20 seconds to full lockdown.

Access denied.

10 seconds to full lock down.

Iris!

Iris!

Three

Two

One.

This facility is in full lockdown.

Why did you do it?

Charlie. Must. Not. Wake.

They were decent people!

It can't wake! It can't wake!

It can't wake!

It must not get free.

Destroy the book. Burn it.

Iris. Iris

You're safe now.

The place is in lockdown.

We can't open the airlock

from up here, but you are safe.

I'm so, so sorry. But you are safe.

Don't do that.

Oh, f*ck!

What's wrong with the machine,

Cameron?

What aren't you telling me?

Nothing.

Nothing is wrong with the machine.

I don't believe you.

I can't let you leave, Iris.

And I need that diary.

Come on. Please.

What's wrong with the machine?

Nothing. Do not take that book!

Iris, there is nowhere to go.

I'll hunt you down.

Don't make me do that.

Don't leave, Iris. Iris, come back!

Come back! Come back here!

Take it and you are k*lling me!

How did you end up here?

He saw me hiding the briefcase.

Back off!

Dug it up. And?

And I tried to get it back.

Why?

So, I could hide it somewhere else.

What are you doing?

I told you. They're here for money.

And right now,

they're working for this prick.

Hiyah.

Lovely day!

Nice to meet you, chaps.

Excellent work.

Credit to your profession.

How'd you find me?

Well, they're police officers.

They find people.

I mean, specifically.

Your telescope.

I mean, it took a while.

But, uh, there you were.

Well, now I feel silly.

Oh honestly, don't feel bad.

You're only human.

Allegedly.

No. That is actually mine.

Thank you very much.

It's actually no-it's-f*cking-not.

Thank you very much.

How did you and I end up here,

surrounded by a cast of thousands?

What was the actual plan?

Have Joy hide the diary while

Teo smuggled me off the island.

So you could come back and dig it up

when we'd all scuttled off?

Like woodlice under a brick. Yes.

It's not really that

much of a plan, is it?

Well in all fairness,

I was improvising.

Well, that's jazz, right?

Actually, you look like someone

put you through a blender.

Which makes you the intern, does it?

She just k*lled someone,

did she mention that?

Obi-Wan, there.

Mrs Miyagi.

Dragged his body

halfway across the island,

set fire to him

then pushed him off a cliff.

Oh, well, Iris.

You had a half-arsed plan

which went wrong.

Take it on the chin.

Let's all move on. Now.

Two three-digit combinations.

Child's play.

Except, it won't be, will it,

because it's you.

Which means it's booby-trapped.

If I enter the wrong combination,

it's gonna destroy the diary.

I don't know. Open it and see.

What is it?

Acid? Some kind of alkaline release?

Well, it's not gonna be an

alkaline now, is it, moron.

Acid then. Hydrochloric?

Muriatic.

Which-No.

That-That is hydrochloric.

Well done, very good. Naughty.

No-So, if I enter the wrong

combination-

No more diary.

Which means, what I'm going to

need is the right combination,

if you don't mind.

Well, I mind terribly.

Was it a love thing? You and her.

Oh, for goodness sake.

Of course not.

'Cos that particular emotion

is not available to you, is it?

-Not in excess, no.

-So, you say.

The thing is, Iris, I actually

think you're much more decent

than you'd have everyone believe.

Well then, you'd be wrong.

Not for the first time.

Let's see.

Um, what's the combination?

Your birthday.

OK.

Well, can't say I didn't try.

What would it take to arrange

a bit of um

-Money.

-Yes. But how much?

A hundred thousand.

Seriously?

I have partners. And he's a cop.

OK. Fair enough.

Still "no"?

Still "no".

Hey, don't move!

Listen. Teo, was it?

I honestly don't want this

to happen.

But it's going to, unless Iris

helps me open this briefcase

without damaging the contents.

So do me a favour

and ask her for me.

Monica

Please do as he says.

That's not my name.

And I'm sorry, Teo, I really am.

But

he cannot be allowed

to have what he wants.

Seriously? Is that what he gets?

Come on, Iris.

Don't do this to him.

Miss Brook, please don't let them.

That's not my name. And shush now.

Is this actually what

it's like, being you?

Or is this just another lie?

-Try me and see.

-Fine.

Let me know when

you want it to stop.

Fine. I want it to stop.

Because you are putting yourself

through this for absolutely nothing.

You're not cut out for violence.

And you are?

Evidently.

No!

Please stop! Stop! Leave him alone!

Leave him alone!

-She's right. Stop!

-Please!

How can you not care?

I don't know. I just don't.

That is not true!

Oh, for God's sake, Cameron.

-Don't be preposterous. -Miss Brook!

Just calm down now.

It's gonna be fine.

Everything's not fine!

Come on, Iris!

Pull the trigger or don't.

-Nothing changes. -Miss Brook!

Infinity minus one, Joy.

Don't be afraid.

Oh, that is such bullshit, Joy!

It's just a position she takes.

Even she doesn't believe it!

I can assure you she very much does.

Right.

Miss Brook. Please don't k*ll me.

Please don't k*ll me.

She's right. I can't.

-You do it.

-No!

OK, wait! Stop! Just stop! Alright!

Can everyone just shut up for a

second, and just leave her alone?

If anything happens to the contents

of the briefcase, anything at all,

I want you to sh**t this

young woman in the head.

Yes. Money. Yes. Is that clear?

Yes, sir. Very clear.

Left side:

Zero. Zero. Zero.

Right side:

Zero. Zero

Zero. Argh, you're kidding!

Wait!

-Iris.

-Oh, for God's sake, Cameron. Just take the win.

OK.

Show me.

Was that meant for me?

I didn't want anyone to open it.

Oh, God.

I've still got the diary.

k*ll me, you don't get it.

You hurt Joy, you don't get it.

Alright, Joy.

Sorry and all that,

but she just made you collateral.

No! Miss Brook!

Joy, I'm afraid you're

gonna have to go with him.

-Get in!

-Just for a little while.

Get in!

I'll come and get you, I promise.

Get rid of it!

f*cking key's, Iris! Come on!