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01x04 - Collider

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "The Iris Affair". Aired: 16 October 2025 – present.*
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British thriller television series.

01x04 - Collider

Post by bunniefuu »

The following programme contains

strong language and violent scenes.

This is Charlie's creator - Jensen.

All we need to get the machine

up and running

is to enter an activation sequence

enciphered in this diary.

I need you to wake Charlie up, Iris,

or they're gonna k*ll me.

Your diary is a puzzle. He calls

the machine the lamentation of God.

The silence of the dead voices.

The abomination of desolation.

The Kali Yuga.

You haven't finished decoding it yet?

I'd like to see you try.

He changed the key every week.

So, that's a no then.

Hello?

Hi. We've never actually spoken.

My name's Iris Nixon.

This is real, right?

Meet me in Rome

and I will tell you everything.

Teo, they found me. I need to get

off this island or I'm dead.

'I told you.

They're here for money.'

I've still got the diary.

You k*ll me, you don't get it.

You hurt Joy, you don't get it.

Get in!

Team 1, all clear. No survivors.

Team 1, all clear. No survivors.

All right, all right. On we go.

OK, copy that.

Huh.

What have you done to me, Jensen?

Please help me understand.

You know what you've done.

Do you even remember?

And can you explain it?

It was my

obligation. To what?

These were nice people.

These were brilliant,

kind, clever people.

They didn't mean you any harm.

They didn't mean to hurt anyone.

No.

So

can you tell me why?

Help me?

There was a man called - Eugene Schieffelin.

-No, no.

Stop. He decided to introduce

to the United States of America

Stop, stop all the birds

I'm trying really hard to understand.

But I am angry and I am scared

and I just

I need you to give me something,

so that I can forgive you.

He decided to introduce

to the United States of America

all the birds mentioned - in the place of Shakespeare.

-I know.

In 1890 he released 80 starlings

into Central Park.

And that's where all the starlings

in America come from

I know this story

all 200 million of them.

A man who loved Shakespeare

and only wanted to make the world

more beautiful.

I just need the activation sequence.

No.

Never.

In 1960 a plane crashed

into Boston

because 10,000 starlings

had flown into it.

62 people died.

Starlings decimate crops.

Starlings drive out native species.

Starlings they

spread diseases.

I know

you believe

that the truth will be beautiful.

You think it will.

The poetry, the symmetry.

You believe it will set us free.

But the truth

is savage

and sorrow.

We must not speak.

You know,

I just need you to help me.

I know.

And I'm trying.

SIOUXSIE SIOUX: Here Comes That Day

Oh, here comes that day

Oh, here comes the rain

on your parade

There's a price to pay

For a life of insincerity

And you pretend

That it doesn't matter

And that you're not scared

Oh, here comes that day

Oh, here comes the rain

on your parade ♪

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

It's disgusting.

Here.

So, who are you?

No-one, really.

What do you mean?

Everyone's someone.

Yeah, obviously.

I'm just no-one in particular.

No, I don't understand.

Who are you to Iris?

She's my tutor.

In? Maths. Science. Philosophy.

So, what were you doing

at the airstrip?

She asked me.

You had a b*mb. You brought a b*mb.

No! I mean

yeah, but it's not like she told me

that. I just thought

-What? - I don't know. Not that - it was a b*mb!

-What? A literal b*mb?

So, you're not her accomplice

or anything like that?

Her confederate. No.

Daughter? No.

Girlfriend? What? Jesus!

Sorry,

I'm just trying to get this straight.

Are you nothing to her?

But I've just

Oh, Christ.

What have I done?

Meski, when we're clear,

find a quiet place to set us down.

Iris Nixon?

Look, I'm sorry about this,

bringing you with me -

I wasn't thinking.

I thought you and she

I thought you meant something to her.

Which was pretty stupid

because nobody does, not really.

She'll come for me.

Yeah? What makes you think that?

She promised.

-Well, she lies. -Not to me.

I wish I could agree, I really do.

I could run.

And Meski will sh**t you.

They'll find my body.

Trace it to you.

Not if we load you into a helicopter

and drop you into the sea.

But you don't want to do it.

No. I really don't.

So don't.

Yeah, the thing is I

I think I probably have to.

Because I might tell people.

Yeah, pretty much.

So, pay me. Yeah, OK.

But the thing is,

people who can be bought

can generally be bought again

by different parties.

-So, offer me a lot.

-I'm not talking about them paying you with money.

I'm talking about bad stuff.

I'm talking about fear and pain

and all the rest of it.

Yeah?

Well, you've got

actually, I think you've got

some bone in your hair.

Oh, please. Get it out! Where?

There.

Eugh.

Who was that, do you think,

in my hair?

Dunno.

How do you know Miss Brook?

Well, I was sort of her boss.

Disgusting.

What happened?

Well, she stole something.

And the thing is,

if I don't get it back,

things are gonna get really, really

bad for me. Really bad.

There are people out there

Joy.

There are people out there, Joy

and you wouldn't believe

the things that they will do.

I didn't believe it myself

until it was too late.

You just take one step,

one fork in the road

and things get really dark.

Yeah.

I can see that.

Well, for what it's worth, you seem

like the sort of person she'd like

in a narcissistic sort of way.

Which means you can't do it.

Can't do what? Body me.

Oh, right. Course.

Er, sorry, why?

Because you need your thingamabob

back from Miss Brook Iris.

and the only way

that's going to happen

is if she actually does

care about me a bit.

Which you yourself said

she actually might.

So even if you wanted to k*ll me,

which you basically don't

you couldn't.

Not yet.

You need me alive.

Plus

you need to be wrong about her

which I actually think you are.

Alright then, clever clogs

A different kind of mystery,

one that really set

the conspirasphere alive.

Exactly who and where is Iris Nixon.

'I need to know

why Jensen did what he did.'

Charlie must not wake!

Tell me why!

'Destroy the book. Burn it.'

Your diary is a puzzle.

'One more code to crack,

five more pages to read

using a DNA sequence

as a source of book code.'

Charlie must not wake!

'One more code to crack

using a DNA sequence.

DNA is the book of life.

Using DNA. Using DNA.'

It's you, Jensen.

You used your own DNA.

You crafty b*stard.

Comandante.

Greetings and salutations!

This is Two Seconds To Midnight

and I'm Alfie Bird with an important

update on the Iris Nixon affair.

OK, we have got a missing girl,

an island-wide lockdown,

a mysterious helicopter,

an alleged t*rror1st b*mb

and complete silence

from local police.

Why is Iris Nixon in Sardinia?

And what is being kept hidden?

This is Two Seconds To Midnight

and I'm Alfie Bird.

Come on.

Multiple mainstream outlets

are confirming that Iris

has been spotted in Sardinia.

Hello? Hello.

Hello?

Am I speaking with Alfie Bird?

Er you are, yes.

Sorry, who's who's that?

This is Inspector Casterman

of the Sardinian police.

OK. Gosh. I see.

How can I help? Am I in trouble?

No, not at all. Um

I think I'm I'm correct in saying

you are the closest thing there is

to an expert

on the subject of Iris Nixon.

Well, it's not for me to say really

but yeah, I think it's fair.

I mean, you might say so,

but I couldn't possibly comment.

So, yeah, what's what's going on?

How can I help?

We have reason to believe that

Iris Nixon is currently in Sardinia.

So, it's definitely true then,

what they're saying on the news?

I'm afraid that I'm not at - liberty to say.

-No. No, of course.

I'm actually calling to ask

if you might be in possession

of any information that could

be of useful to our investigation.

What sort of information?

Well, I'm thinking of

the kind of material

you wouldn't be comfortable - sharing in a public forum.

-Such as?

I don't know, Mr Bird,

I'm asking you.

Ha! Yeah, yeah, of course. Um

Pa-pa-pa-pa Well, yeah not that

I can think of.

I mean, not off the top

of my head. Sorry. I see.

You know, if you're ever in London,

maybe I could interview you

for the channel.

Oh, I don't think

that will be necessary.

But thank you, I appreciate it.

Thank you for your help.

Not off the top of

my head. Sorry.

Not off the top of my head. Sorry.

Joy.

You're free to come and go

as you please

within the limits

of your access privileges.

Don't worry, it's pretty easy.

Green for go, red for no,

that kind of thing.

Seems pretty basic, yeah.

Is that basic

in the pejorative sense or?

Home again, home again, jiggidy jig.

You've got access to the grounds, but

trying to leave would be a bad idea.

Yeah?'Fraid so. Even if you

got bitten by a radioactive spider,

but somehow managed to make it

past the perimeter,

we're in the middle of nowhere

and you'll die of exposure.

Miss Brook managed it.

Iris. Er, and she did, yes.

(But A) she's the devil

and B) that's why we upgraded.

So just don't try and leave, OK?

I'd hate for you to get shot

before you got fried,

before you got exploded by a mine,

before you went hungry

and froze to death

and got eaten by mammals.

Whatever.

Can I have the internet? No.

Expect we can organise some sort of

monitored "read-only" thing

but obviously no social media.

Obviously. Just Spotify.

Oh, yeah, OK.

What sort of stuff are you into?

I mean, are we talking Billie Eilish

or? I quite like Abyssal Serenade.

Oh, yeah?

Pale Midnight are alright, I guess.

OK.

And um Delulu Sisters sometimes.

Right. Are you making these up?

Yeah.

OK.

Hello. Mr Beck.

I hope this isn't

an inconvenient time to call.

My name's Hugo Pym. I'm the acting

head of the Intragroup Committee.

Er, well, I wasn't actually

expecting a call.

But, er, I normally I deal with

Yes.

No, you won't be dealing with

them anymore.

This issue has been,

well, kicked upstairs.

How far upstairs are we talking?

Top floor, I'm afraid.

What does that mean, exactly?

Well, I'm sorry to be the bearer

of bad tidings -

and, obviously, this is terribly

embarrassing for both of us -

but I have a duty to inform you

that there is,

well, rather an issue

with the shareholders, as it were.

The money. I mean,

their investment, as you know,

it does amount

to several billions of dollars.

And they will recoup their investment

a thousand times over.

Yes - when you have

regained access to the device,

the apparatus.

Obviously, yes.

Well, there's the rub, you see. When

do you think that's likely to be?

Because

without a definitive timeline

this situation feels less like

a deferred return on investment

and more like well, fraud.

Mr Pym, it works.

Be that as it may,

I have a duty to inform you that,

given the continued absence of any

compelling evidence as to your good faith,

sanctions will be entered into.

Would you care to articulate

the nature of those sanctions?

I'm afraid I'm not at liberty

to do so.

Well, just to be abundantly clear,

we are talking about k*lling me here.

Obviously, I can neither

confirm nor deny that.

But between you, ma and the gatepost

I would advise you to ensure

your affairs were in order.

Mr Pym, I'm on top of it.

I have leverage.

Well, that's good news.

What kind of leverage?

Well, I have something

that Iris wants very much

and that she cares about very deeply.

Joy

say hello.

Hello.

And how does this leverage work

in practice?

Well, Iris gives me what I need or

By which we mean the stolen diary.

Yes. And if she doesn't you

you k*ll this young woman?

Yes.

Mr Beck,

that won't do at all, will it?

No? Of course not.

One doesn't k*ll the goose

that laid the golden egg.

One keeps the goose alive

as long as one can

while one sections and cooks it.

Sorry, I don't follow.

I'm saying we start

perhaps with an amputation -

a foot or a hand - that is often

enough to do the trick.

And if not, well, we have a number

of highly-skilled surgeons

on the payroll

who'd be more than willing to keep

this young woman alive and conscious

past the point

where continued existence becomes

well, a moral obscenity, frankly.

Once the limbs have been removed,

we move on to the lower mandible.

The tongue. Nose. Eyes.

It's actually all quite fascinating.

Mr Pym

I employ professionals,

not psychopaths.

Well, then it's lucky we spoke.

I'll be there in the morning.

OK?

Mm-hm.

Today we're breaking down

the five key parts to target

when size isn't on your side.

First, the head.

And it is not about landing

that knockout punch.

Targeting the head can affect

the balance and orientation.

Second, step into the space of your

opponent and control the shoulder,

use the hip as leverage

and take him down.

Third, attack, attack and attack.

Being relentless

is the key to your success.

-Ugh!

-Oh!

f*ck!

Hold the wrist. Pull the shoulder.

Arh!

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.

Shut up.

I'm not gonna hurt you anymore.

I'm just gonna rob you.

It's not like you're gonna go to the

police, is it?

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

What else have you got?

Cocaine. MDMA.

Adderall.

Fentanyl.

Naloxone.

Disease and cure, eh?

Nice.

COWBOY JUNKIES: Sweet Jane

Anyone who's ever had a heart

Wouldn't turn around and break it

And anyone

who's ever played a part

Would turn around and hate it

Sweet Jane

Sweet Jane

Oh, sweet, sweet Jane

You're waiting for Jimmy

down in the alley

You're waiting there

for him to come back home

And thinking of ways

to get back home

Hey. Hey.

How are you?

Exhausted. You?

Exhausted.

Joy?

Not too bad, considering.

Good.

She seems pretty resilient.

But then kids are, aren't they?

They adapt to circumstances.

Yeah, let's hope so.

I should never have taken her, Iris.

I'm sorry.

I know.

I wasn't thinking.

It was all the adrenaline.

I know.

But the situation I'm in now,

even if I didn't want to hurt her,

which I don't,

there are people who do.

So, don't let them do it.

Just bring me the diary.

Don't try and contact her.

Don't try and do anything clever.

Give up trying to win

because right now the best

that any of us can hope for

is to just to get out of this alive.

So, please, just bring me the diary.

I'm trying. It's nearby.

Well then, just tell me where it is.

Not on your Nelly.

We do swapsies.

I bring you the diary and

you give me Joy.

I'll call you tomorrow.

Proof of life.

I need to know she's OK.

OK. Swapsies it is.

Now, I realised something

really weird today.

Yeah? What's that?

According to some metrics,

you're probably my best friend.

Well, according to others,

you're drunk.

I need to get a message to her

but there's no messages in or out.

Then again, it's not Supermax is it,

Cameron? It's not GitMo.

Because you want her to like you.

You can't help yourself.

So, what do you do

to make her like you?

You give her something.

Because you think that's the way

to make her like you.

It's not but you think it is.

What does someone like you

give someone like her,

in her position?

What does someone like you give

someone like her, in her position?

SISTER SLEDGE: Lost In Music

No turning back

We're lost in music

We're lost in music

Feel so alive

I quit

My nine to five

We're lost in music ♪

ANNA THORVALDSDOTTIR: Archora

What?

THE THREE DEGREES:

When Will I See You Again

An Incomplete List of Songs I Love

That You Probably Hate.

When Will I See You Again.

Don't Speak. Don't Make A Sound.

I'm Coming For You.

I Will Never Let You Down.

However. There Is. Something I Need.

Up On The Roof. Listen Up.

This Is For You. Miss Brook.

Ha-ah

Oo-ooh

Precious moments ♪

'Listen,

I know you're scared and alone.

But I know exactly where you are,

and everything's going to be OK.'

I'm gonna get the diary

that Cameron wants

and I'm gonna get you out of there.

'But I'm gonna need you

to do something for me.

I need you to find a man

called Jensen.

I need you to get

some of his DNA for me.

Just one strand of hair

would be enough

for me to find out

why all this is happening.'

Just keep looking straight ahead, please.

Thank you, for coming.

You're welcome. No no problemo.

OK, I'll tell you everything.

Jensen Lind. Charlie Big Potatoes.

Do with it whatever you want.

Take them all down.

Get rich. Get famous.

So how do we do that?

First,

I need to get my hands on a book.

It's kind of a diary

and I've hidden it here in Rome.

Problem is,

is I can't get it myself.

There's too many people

looking for me.

So where is it?

Come on, Alfie, mate. Where's

the best place to hide a book?

Actually, now we're here,

I don't know

if I can actually do this.

'Course you can. Easy peasy.'

I feel like everyone's

looking at me.

It's like a seventh sense thing.

Nobody is looking at you.

Head or body?

Eh?

OK. I'm inside.

Oh, it's actually massive.

That guard is definitely looking.

No, he's not.

He is definitely not looking at you.

What are his eyes doing then,

when they're pointed at me?

Just keep moving, Alfie.

Oh, er

Grazie Mille.

Um

Grazie.

That guard's definitely looking,

Iris.

He is not looking at you.

But he's gonna start looking at you

if you talk to yourself like

you're neglecting your medication.

Wow. Rude.

Just

Just be invisible.

By remembering

that nobody cares that you exist.

OK. Brilliant. Thanks.

What bit?

I don't know. All of it.

So pretend that you're a Pod Person

and stand still.

I've forgotten how to stand.

I mean, where do you put your hands?

Christ, this isn't a minute.

She said she'd only be a minute.

Just relax.

Right.

Oi!

Whoa.

Thank you. Can't wait to dip in.

Open the book, Alfie.

There it is. That's it.

I'm actually

a bit scared to touch it.

Don't be nervous.

OK, careful now. Slowly.

Now shove the bars of soap

into the cavity.

Oh, f*ck.

Alfie, Alfie. Alfie, seriously.

Pick up the diary.

Alfie, would you snap out of it

and pick it up!

Alfie, can you hear me.

Alfie, pick it up! Alfie.

Relax. I'm chill.

Pick up the f*cking diary!

Happy now?

That's it.

That's it. Well done.

Good boy. You're doing great.

Thank you.

I thought it would be funnier.

OK.

Oh, no.

That's it.

Just get out of there, Alfie.

You have outdone yourself,

my friend.

That was good work.

I know, right?

You're made for it.

No, I'm made for a glass of tequila.

That's what I'm made for.

I'm buying.

Well, actually, you're buying.

Mr Bird?

Nico Casterman.

We spoke yesterday.

I wonder if you have time

to answer some questions for me.

Yeah, of course. Good.

Do you have a place to stay?

Er, yeah.

Can you take me there?