01x01 - Family Man

[bunniefuu]

This programme contains
depictions of drug abuse,

very strong language

and scenes of a sexual nature.

Please be aware that this programme
also contains themes of suicide.

[WOMAN SHRIEKS HAPPILY]
[CHILDREN CHATTER]

[KIDS LAUGHING AND PLAYING]

[PENSIVE MUSIC]

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

And it's hard. And, erm...

[MUFFLED CHATTER]

Bunny.

Bunny, the pier is burning down.

There's fire engines and police cars

and all these people on the beach
are just watching it burn.

The starlings are going mad.

They're screaming, Bun.
Libby.

All the little
babies are burning in their nests.

I can't bear it.
Libby, hey,

it'll be alright, baby.

Don't worry.

I'm scared, Bunny.

I can smell the smoke from here.

When are you coming home?

I need you.

[GROANS]

[WHISTLES] [SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE]
And, Bunny, listen.

There's this guy running round
attacking women with a pitchfork,

from up north.
[GROANS] f*ck.

Bunny, it's on the telly.

He paints his face red
and wears these horns.

Plastic horns, you know?
f*ck sake.

Bunny?

Are you off your Tegretol, baby?

Libby, tell me
you've been taking the Tegretol.

Turn the TV off, go to bed.

Yeah?
Take a sleeping tablet.

Yeah, look, f*ck it,
take two sleeping tablets.

Get some rest.

I'll be home tomorrow.

Early.

Can't you get home tonight?

[SCOFFS SOFTLY]

[SIGHS] I would if I could.

I'm miles and miles away.

Oh, Bunny.

[SIRENS WAIL NEARBY]

You f*cking liar.

[PLACE PHONE DOWN]

[LINE DISCONNECTS]

[MOBILE THUDS]

[DOOR OPENS]

You got your hands full there,
darlin'.

It's my wife.

She suffers from depression.

Who doesn't?

No. It's a medical condition.

She's on medication.

Oh, baby.

She forgets to take her pills.

You know?
Mm.

She'll take them now.

She'll be fine after she takes-
[SOFTLY]: Hush now, baby.

Call me Bunny.

-I'll call you any damn thing - you want, sweetie.
-No.

Call me Bunny.

Ah. Ah.

Yeah. Ah.

[PANTS]

I'm f*cking Bunny Munro.

♪ Oh, baby

[UNNERVING THEME MUSIC]

♪ It's a commitment

♪ It's a commitment, baby

♪ M-M-My wife don't like it

♪ My wife don't like it!

♪ It's a commitment, yeah

♪ We gotta love one another or die,
brother

♪ We gotta love one another or die

♪ Oh, baby

♪ Cos it's superglue

♪ It's superglue

♪ It's superglue, baby!

♪ Knock 'em dead

♪ Knock 'em dead! ♪

[CUTLERY CLINKING]
[PEOPLE CHATTER]

[SEAGULLS CRY OUTSIDE]

Anything else?

Tea.

Bloody "please" wouldn't hurt.
Hold on.

Come here.

Please.

[SOFTLY]: Please.

Beautiful.

What?
"River."

That's a f*cking beautiful name.
Yeah?

-My mum called me it.
-Oh, yeah. -Yeah.

Cos I was born near the river.

-Huh.
-Mm. Lucky you weren't born near a toilet.

[LAUGHS] Guess what my name is.

[EXHALING RAPIDLY THROUGH NOSE]

[EXHALING RAPIDLY THROUGH NOSE]

-I'm Bunny. -Bunny.
-Bunny.

Wow.
Suddenly River doesn't seem so bad.

Here.

[SUITCASE LOCKS CLICK]

Da-dah.

Now...

...take this.
What is it?

Only the finest hand cream
known to mankind.

Elastin-rich. Extra relief.

Silky smooth.

You sell this, yeah?

But you can have it, free.

Bloody miraculous stuff.

♪ JOHNNY THUNDER: I'm Alive ♪

I can give you a demonstration
if you like.

♪ I'm alive!

♪ And I see things
mighty clear today

♪ I'm alive!

♪ Mmm

♪ I'm alive!

♪ And I'm breathing clean,
fresh air today

♪ I'm alive

♪ Yes, I am

♪ And I'm real

♪ I can taste and touch
and see and feel I'm alive

♪ Mmm

♪ I'm alive!

[WOMEN CHEER]

♪ I'm alive

♪ Yeah

♪ Hey!

[VOCALISING]

[VOCALISING CONTINUES]

♪ Baby!

I'm coming, baby!

[SONG CONTINUES ON CAR RADIO]

♪ I'm alive... ♪

[TYRES SCREECH]

[HUMMING]

♪ I'm alive...

[MIXES UP WORDS WHILE SINGING]

♪ I'm alive... ♪

[MUMBLED SINGING]

[KEYS JANGLE]

[WHISTLING]
[LOCK CLICKS]

[SWITCH CLICKING]

What the f*ck? Jesus.

Dad?

Hi, Dad.

What the f*ck happened here?

I don't know. I'm sorry.

There are Coco Pops everywhere.
Well, don't do that.

What's this?
Oh.

That was me. Sorry.

But I didn't break the bulbs.

Where's your mother?

She's locked herself in her room.

She won't come out, Dad.

What? Libby?

Lib?

[HANDLE RATTLES]

Libby.

[SINGSONG]: Libby.
Dad,

did you know that the Sun
orbits the galactic centre

at a distance of 26,606-What?

Baby.
[KNOCKS RHYTHMICALLY]

Ha!

Hey.

Come on, baby,
it's your bunny man.

Open the door.

Open the door!

Libby!
[HANDLE RATTLES] Libby!

Hoy! Argh!
I've got a key.

f*ck! Argh!

Dad.
[BANGING ON DOOR] Libby!

-I've got a key. -Libby!
-Dad!

What?
I've got a key.

Well, why didn't you say so? Christ.

[LOCK CLICKS]

[TENSE MUSIC RISES]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[DOOR SLAMS]
[BREATHES SHAKILY]

[CHATTER OUTSIDE]

[VERY SOFTLY]: No

[VERY SOFTLY]: No.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]
MAN: On three. One, two, three.

Do not scratch that now.
MAN 2: Got it.

[THUD NEARBY]
Gently

Make sure her head's in.

Take it slow
cos the family's in the next room.

[SEAGULLS CRY]

[DOOR OPENS]

[METALLIC RATTLING]

[CHATTER BELOW]

Oh!

Right.

Ready?
[METALLIC CLACKING]

♪ J.J. CALE: Cherry ♪
♪ Cherry...

[AMBULANCE DOORS SLAMMING]

♪ Cherry

♪ Will you love me too? ♪

[SNIFFS]

Libby Pennington.

Will you marry me?

[SCOFFS] [LAUGHS]

What?

Libby Pennington-You're drunk.

Ask me in the morning.

I'm not drunk.

And...

it is the morning.

f*ck.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

[GENTLE MUSIC]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[EXHALES SOFTLY]

Will you honour and obey me?

f*ck, yeah.

Bunny?

Yeah.

Of course.

[MOANING SOFTLY]

Wait. Er... Wait.

What? What?

What does that say?
What?

[EXHALES SOFTLY]

If you can make it to the mirror...

...you'll find out.
[SIGHS]

[AMBULANCE ENGINE STARTS]

[AMBULANCE DEPARTS]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[MUFFLED CHATTER]

"Extend your loving devotion
to all those who know you..."

...and your righteousness
to be upright in heart.

Let not the foot of the proud
come against me.

"Nor the hand of the wicked
drive me away."

Amen.

ALL: Amen.
Amen.

My dear family and friends,

thank you for joining us today,

as we celebrate and honour
the life of our beloved Libby.

Libby was a cherished member
of our community,

full of life and much loved by all.

Although she is no longer with us...
[WHISPERS]: Bunny.

...she lives on in our thoughts.
[SNIFFLES]

Seen this c**t?
And in our hearts.[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Libby...

was a kind and loving woman...

...with a beautiful son

and a devoted husband.
[WOMAN EXHALES SHARPLY]

Each of you here today...

may have only known
one facet of Libby.

As a family member.

As a friend.

As a mother.

It is only when we shine light
on all of these facets

that we may hope to see
Libby as a whole person.

If any of Libby's loved ones
would... care to say a few words?

[DOOR CLANGS]

[PEOPLE MURMUR]
[DOOR CREAKS AND CLOSES]

[LIGHTER CLICKS]

[DARK MUSIC]

[UNZIPS TROUSERS]

[WHISPERS]: Oh, yeah.

m*therf*cker. [MOANING]

[MOANS]

[MUSIC TURNS ANGELIC]

[MOANING]

[MOANING QUICKENS]

[SCREAMS]

[FAINT SCREAMING UNDER MUSICAL SCORE]

[SOBS]

[PANTING]

[SPITS]

[SEAGULLS CRY]
[WAVES CRASH]

State of it. [CHUCKLES]

[GASPS] [LAUGHS]

He heard me.

[KIDS PLAYING NEARBY]

Jesus, Bun, are you ready for this?

What's that?

Well, I was just saying-
Didn't quite hear.

Didn't catch it, trifle deaf.
Piss off.

[LAUGHS]
[FAINT RATTLING]

You're talking to Bunny Munro, babes.

You haven't seen me once I get going.

[WATER DRIPPING]

[PEOPLE CHATTER]

[VEHICLE ENGINE STARTS]

[DOOR CREAKS]

What you doing?

The... The light hurt my eyes.

I think I probably need some
cream on them or something.

You alright?

I didn't know where you were, and...

They put the coffin in the ground
and put the mud on it, so...

[SIGHS] [SOFTLY]: f*ck.
Come on.

I'm sorry, bwana.

Yeah. Sorry, mate.

Alright, f*ck face.
Jesus, babe, mind your manners.

Sorry, babe.
I'm so sorry.

You OK?

Yeah.
Er, listen, Bun,

we still heading to your place
for the party?

The what?

-Well the... the after-party, you - know.
-Do you mean my wife's wake?

That's the one. Sorry. [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, yeah, course.

Listen, I'll see you there, yeah,

I just need to...
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Sure, yeah.

Just stay there for a minute, yeah?

OK, Dad.
Screw that, I'm driving.

-Oh, and he's f*cking serious - as well.
-What you doing? [LAUGHS]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[CLEARS THROAT]
Erm... Mrs Pennington.

Have you any idea how much
I despise you?

I know.

But, Mrs Pennington, I...

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

I need your help.

It's, erm...
Well, it's about your grandson.

I just thought you could look
after him for a while.

I can't do it. I don't know how.
[CHUCKLES]

[SCOFFS]

The great Bunny Munro.

[CHUCKLES]
[BREATHES DEEPLY]

The problem is, Bunny...

...I look at him
and all I can see is you.

And when I see you,

all I can think of is my baby...

...marching up my driveway

with yet another pair of dirty
knickers she's found in your car.

[INHALES SHAKILY] I see her alone...

...and scared and broken.

When I see you...

...I see my little baby hanging.

So...

...no?

You were no kind of husband.

Yeah? What about you?
Get up, you lazy c**t.

Don't you dare!
He's twice the man you'll ever be!

[EXHALES SHARPLY]
No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're right.

Can't do this though, can he?

Can he? No? How about this?

You pig!
[LAUGHS]

You disgusting piece of sh*t!
Ah, bollocks.

I was only joking anyway.
As if I need YOUR help.

As if I'd leave him with you,
my boy.

What you f*cking looking at?
Get f*cked.

[PEOPLE MURMUR]
[WOMAN GASPS]

[LIGHTER CLICKING]

You weren't...
really gonna leave me with...

Granny, were you Dad?

No.

Course not.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[RADIO STARTS]
[ENGINE REVS]

MOURNERS: Oi, oi!

["Spinning Around"
by Kyle Minogue PLAYS ON RADIO]

[HORN BEEPING]
Come on, Kylie! What a tune!

Oof!
OLDER MAN: Oh, well, that uh...

-It was a good service, wasn't it?
-Yeah, it was alright. -Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it was alright.

Hey, Bun, it's
a bit dark in here, in't it mate?

Where have the light bulbs gone?
Er...

YOUNGER WOMAN: Jesus, babes,
the guy's wife's just died.

Do you expect f*cking disco ball?
Nah, just a f*cking light.

Brought a bottle from home.
Oh, got the good stuff.

-I need a beer.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, who's got the beer?

George, grab us a pint glass.

YOUNGER WOMAN: Oh, state of...
MAN: Yeah, alright, pass them.

-Did you get the rum?
-Anyone - want a beer? - Oh, babe, I forgot.

-GEORGE: Stick a couple - in the freezer.
-Did anyone get ice?

[SEAGULLS CRY OUTSIDE]

It was a beautiful service, Bunny.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Lovely.

Yeah, wicked.
Yeah.

[LAUGHS] In't he cute?

Oh, if you were a couple
of years older.[LAUGHS]

A couple?

Jesus Christ,
the boy's nine years old.

Yeah, I know.

I was just saying.
Well, don't.

[CHUCKLES]
Alright there, check this out.

Think of a country. Any country.

A country?
Yeah.

Any country?

f*ck me, this is the easy bit.
Yes, any country.

Mongolia.
Mongolia.

Alright, Junior, not gonna let your
Uncle Poodle down, you know. Right.

What is the capital of Mongolia?

-Ulaanbaatar. -Get in!
-Hey!

[LAUGHS] That's proper, innit, that?
"Ubadaba!" [OLDER WOMAN LAUGHS]

It used to be called Urga.
[SEVERAL LAUGHING]

Told you! Good boy.

Hmm.

You having a laugh?
[ALL LAUGH]

-Sorry, bud.
-I tell ya. It's a good job I didn't need his lighter.

I can't f*cking wait.

[SNORTS][SEVERAL LAUGHING]
Yeah, that's mine right there.

Shut up! Give it back!

Had it for seconds.

Ruthless.
[SEVERAL LAUGH]

Hit the spot!

♪ THE SONICS: Shot Down ♪

♪ I thought he was having fun

♪ Yeah... ♪

[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC PLAYS]
[SEVERAL LAUGHING]

Weren't you gonna get me a beer?

Er, I...

I forgot, I'm... I'm really sorry.

[CAN OPENS]

Listen.
Why don't you get off to bed, yeah?

Yeah. OK.

Sorry about the beer.

It's fine. Go on.

[GUESTS LAUGHING AND WHOOPING]

f*cking hell.

["Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba
PLAYS IN OTHER ROOM]

[GUESTS CHATTER LOUDLY AND LAUGH]

[SOFT MUSIC]

[EXHALES SOFTLY]

[BOTH CHUCKLE SOFTLY]

Did you know that Pluto
might not even be a planet?

It's part of an asteroid belt
called the Kuiper Belt.

Really?

There may even be asteroids
bigger than Pluto.

Didn't realise this book
would be such a hit.

I love it.

Mum?

Yes, love.

Why did you buy it for me when...

it wasn't my birthday or anything?
[LAUGHS SOFTLY]

You know why.

Tell me.

Because I love you to bits,
you little nut.

That's why.

Mum?

Why did you...

you know...?

Rest your eyes now.

[YAWNS]

[SEAGULLS CRY OUTSIDE]

[OLDER WOMAN LAUGHS]

[GUESTS CHATTER]

I mean,
my mum wasn't around all the time...

...when I was growing up, but...

but she had to work, you know.

Well she needed to,
cos my old man...

well, he brought in f*ck all.

But I knew that every night,
when I heard that door go...

...she'd come up

and kiss me on the cheek goodnight.

[SOFT POP MUSIC PLAYS VIA SPEAKER]

And I knew everything
would be alright.

A boy needs his daddy, you know.

My dad brought me up on his own,
you know.

Pretty much.

Taught me everything I know.
Yeah, look how that turned out.

[LAUGHS]
You say another thing about my dad,

Poodle, I'll f*cking slap ya.
I'm just messing, Bun.

-Yeah?
-I mean, your dad... Yeah... a top bloke, you know.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

f*ck it, that's right.

You ain't never seen
anything like him.

f*cking...

...cool as cool.

Taught me...

everything.

How to do it.

How to be a man.

Hm. That's what a boy needs.

Mm.

[SOFTLY]: Top man.

[CHAIR SQUEAKS SOFTLY]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Right! A joke!

GEORGE: Here we go, here we go...
Jokey-wokey! Before I tell you...

[SNORTS]
GEORGE: Here we go!

-Ooh.
-Now you'll forgive me, ladies, if this is offensive.

[ALL LAUGH]

Why does Dr Pepper come in a bottle?

[SNAPS FINGERS]
Because his wife died.

[ALL LAUGH]

That was a good one, Dad.

I haven't heard that one before.

Alright, Bunny Boy?

Yeah, s-shall we...

Do you want... Do you wanna...
Do you wanna get back to bed?

Come on, darlin'. [SNIFFLES]

-Come on, sweetheart, let's get - - you back to bed.
-Dad? - Sweetheart.

Dad?

You're alright, love. Come on,
let's read you a little story.

[COUGHS]

[EXHALES SOFTLY]

What you doing?

Oh, just something
to take your mind off it all.

OK?

[MOANS]

OK.

OK.

Where is everybody?

Oh, they said to say goodbye.

TV: ...a horned-assailant
terrorises female shoppers.

Though police arrived
swiftly at the scene,

the man the media
have dubbed "The Horned k*ller"

had already disappeared,

leaving his victims shocked,
scared and traumatised.

This is the fourth such incident
in recent days... Here we go.

...beginning in Newcastle,
continuing in Middlesbrough

-and Bradford, and now Sheffield.
-Good, yeah? -Yeah.

-Good, good.
-If there's any method... He's getting closer.

Shh... to the horn k*ller madness,
it seems to be this.

He's heading south.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Who the f*ck are you?

We're from Social Services,
Mr Munro.

We've come to have a word about...
your son.

I appreciate the place
is in a bit of a state.

It was my wife's funeral yesterday,

and a...
a few dear friends came back for...

for the... Well, it was less of a...

a wake,
more of a celebration of her life...

really.

Mr Munro, we've been
asked to carry out an assessment.

OK, what are you assessing?

There's been a number of concerns
raised by the school,

one of which is your son's
lack of attendance.

OK. Well,

his mother's just died. Yeah?

So, maybe he's missed a few days
reading about here's Peter,

here's Jane,
here's a f*cking dog called Spot,

but I wouldn't worry.
I mean, the kid is... [CHUCKLES]

Bright as a... Too bright, sometimes,

-I think.
-Your son hasn't attended school in three months.

What?

Mr Munro, we need to consider
whether this is the best environment

for a young boy AND whether
there might be a better option.

What the f*ck are you talking about?

Mr Munro, where is your son?

He's in his room.

We'd like to check that he's OK.
My son? Course he's OK.

We'd like to check.

Alright. Junior!

Yeah?
Come out here.

[DOOR OPENS]

See? He's fine.

Hello there.

Why don't you come and take a seat?

Here you are,
I'll show you something.

Worried about school?
Watch this. [SNAPS FINGERS]

Name a country, any country.

Erm...

England.

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Junior, what's the capital of...
England?

London.

Well,
if you will say f*cking England.

And how you doing, little man?
What you doing to him?

What are you looking for?

Why don't you tell me
what you had for breakfast?

-Nothing.
-Jesus, it's first thing in the morning, I'm gonna feed him.

There's no need to whip him
off to the orphanage just yet.

Are they gonna take me away, Dad?

No, of course they're not
gonna take you away. [CHUCKLES]

[DIALLING]

Family Court, yeah.

What's she doing? Who's she phoning?

-Who you phoning?
-Mr Munro-Bunny. I'm f*cking Bunny Munro,

and I'm a good f*cking dad,
and the boy's fine, and I'm fine,

and we're fine. We're just...

[CHATTER ON PHONE]
Yeah.

We are grieving.

OK?

So, if... if...

you don't mind, I think it's time
that-Hey, Bunny, are you sore?

I've got right into yoga.

Last time I shagged Poodle,
he said I near took his d*ck off.

[JUNIOR CHUCKLES]

Hiya.

Yeah.

OK, alright.

Fair enough.

♪ THE WATERBOYS: Be My Enemy ♪

[GRUNTS] But you
said they wouldn't take me away.

They're f*cking not.
We're getting out of here.

You and me?
Yes. Who else? Me and you.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]
Mr Munro!

Argh! [KNOCKS ON DOOR] Dad?

Mr Munro, open the door!

♪ Well, the dawn is howling

♪ And the mainframe shakes...

Junior, come back!
[HORN BEEPING]

[ENGINE REVS]

Come. On. Junior!

Mr Munro! Junior! Junior!

Argh!
What's up?

Mr Munro, this isn't helping you!
I think...

I think my eyes are getting worse.

-Mum used to put special cream - on them to-Alright.
-Mr Munro!

Alright?

Yeah!
Let's get out of here.

Yeah.
Let's get the f*ck out of here!

♪ I'm gonna put them in a g*n, man

♪ Point it at your head

♪ Because you stole all my friends

♪ And you gave me the buffalo blues

♪ Mm, well, if you'll be my enemy

♪ I'll be your enemy too

♪ Now from the slime on your tongue
to the nails on your toes

♪ From the scales on your skin
to the stains on your clothes

♪ You're gonna have to make me
do something

♪ That I do not want to do

♪ But if you will be my enemy

♪ I'll be your enemy too...

[SINGER SCREAMS]

♪ But I will put right this disgrace

♪ I will rearrange you

♪ Cos if you'll be my enemy

♪ I'll be your enemy too

♪ Mm, if you'll be my enemy

♪ I'll be your enemy too

♪ Be my enemy!

♪ Whoo!

♪ Be my enemy

♪ Be my enemy

♪ Be my enemy

♪ Be my enemy

♪ Whoo!

♪ Whoo!

♪ Whoo!

♪ Whoo!

♪ Whoo!

♪ Whoo! ♪