Kombucha (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Mom.

Rachel, where are you?

I'm still at work.

We're supposed to

get dinner before the show.

I had to stay

for a late meeting.

Again?

You know, if you don't stop

working so much,

it's going to k*ll you.

Mom, they're gonna replace me.

Are you kidding me?

After all you've done

for them, then I'd say

good riddance to them.

Rachel, are you okay?

Mom, I gotta go.

Rachel, no, no, no.

There you are.

Hey, Kelsey.

Everyone's waiting for you.

I just need a

little liquid courage.

It's just a routine

pulse check with HR.

What do you think they're

gonna do? Come on.

Rachel, have a seat.

Are we ready to get started?

You know what?

I quit.

Rachel?

No, no, no!

No, no, no, no!

No, no, no, Rachel!

No, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no.

Yeah, that's it for me tonight,

y'all. Thank you.

Yeah. Oh my God, babe,

you did so good tonight.

-Thanks.

-Yeah.

What is it?

That record

label guy didn't show.

Oh.

It was all for nothing.

I'm sorry, Luke. It's worth it

to me to see you play.

Where does that get me?

Luke, my man.

Andy? Is that you?

It's me.

What the f*ck?

What's up, man? Good to see ya.

-How are you?

-I'm great.

This is my

girlfriend, Elyse.

Hey, what's going on?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you. I'm Andy.

Yeah, Andy and I,

we were in a band together

back in school.

Pocket change.

Whoa.

Uh, yeah.

That was the band's name.

Gotcha.

Can I get you a beer?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Yeah.

-See ya.

-Be right back. Yeah.

So I was in LA for a few years,

and I was with some promising

bands, but they never took off.

And eventually I just got

worn out from the grind.

It's funny, though.

I don't miss it.

Really?

Yeah.

Man, gotta say,

it's weird seeing you

wind up in the corporate world.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

But this company I'm with,

it's, like, a perfect fit

for people like us.

Smart, creative types

with unrealized ambition

who just don't know what

they're doing with their lives.

Okay.

And I'm a lot happier knowing I

don't have to scramble for gigs

just to make rent every month.

And the whole frustration

with not making it in music,

that's all gone.

Well, hey, man.

I'm happy for you.

We're always

looking for new people.

Oh.

I can put in

a good word for you.

Uh, what's the pay like?

Entry level starts at 100K.

No experience required.

Mm-hmm.

It's good to see you, Luke.

Yeah, yeah. You too.

Think about it.

Babe, are you

coming to bed soon?

Yeah, as soon as I finish this.

Luke, I've got to be

up in five hours.

Yeah, I'll be quick.

Do you think you'll follow up

with Andy about that job?

Uh, is this your way of

telling me you think I should?

I don't know, it just

sounded like a good opportunity,

don't you think?

And what about my music?

You could still

do it on the side.

How much drawing

have you done

since you started

working at the lab?

I'm gonna get

back to it soon, okay?

Yeah. You've been

saying that for years.

I haven't really

had the time, you know.

But my job is what lets me

afford this apartment,

which you seem to be enjoying

more than yours right now.

Okay.

I'm sorry, I just--

I think I'm in a bad mood

from the record label guy

flaking, okay?

Okay. It's not just

tonight, though, is it?

What do you mean?

Look, I get that

music is your dream,

but it doesn't seem

to make you happy.

It really just makes you

hard to be around.

I can't help it that I want

more out of life than...

this.

This?

I'm sorry. Do you have

any idea how hurtful

that is to say to me?

I didn't mean

you, obviously.

No, it's not obvious, Luke.

You know, I think I need a break

from you right now.

I think you should

go back to your place.

Come on. Let's just--

Let's talk about this, okay?

El!

f*ck. f*ck.

Okay.

f*ck.

-Hi. Welcome.

-Hey.

Welcome to the team.

It's so nice to meet you.

Thank you. Nice to

meet you as well.

Have a look around

if you'd like.

Wow.

Can I grab you anything?

Water? Kombucha?

I'm good, but thank you.

Someone will

be with you shortly.

Sounds good.

"Success starts

with a symbiotic culture,

like our original SCOBY

for our designer kombucha."

Ugh. It's like living mucus.

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Uh, yeah, you could say that.

You know, legend has it

she's descended from a SCOBY

the Dalai Lama gave Jesuit

missionaries over 300 years ago.

Or maybe the Jesuits stole it

from the Dalai Lama.

I can never remember.

Kelsey Rhodes, managing director

of our consulting team.

Luke Merritt. Nice to meet you.

Shall we?

Yeah.

So, this is our space.

Thank you.

Please, sit.

Yeah.

We are so thrilled to

have you join the Symbio team.

Oh, wait, I thought--

Don't I have to,

like, interview?

Andy's recommendation

is enough for me.

We like to start with a one-

month probationary period,

but candidates with referrals

almost always blend right in.

You can start today,

assuming that our terms

are to your approval.

Uh, yeah. Wow, that's--

This is amazing.

Excellent. We can

finish the paperwork later.

Now, how much has Andy told you

about what we do here?

Uh, not much.

He just said this is

a great place for the smart,

creative type.

Mhm. One of the great

tragedies of our time is how

the underemployed liberal arts

majors are toiling away

in menial jobs,

distracted by dreams of stardom,

when they really have

no chance of success.

Meanwhile, the corporate world

is run by finance and

engineering majors

with zero imagination

or empathy.

But we've cracked the code

on how creatives can thrive

and inject new life

into stagnant businesses.

And we practice what we preach.

Okay, so what

exactly will I be doing?

As a culture consultant,

you'll diagnose the deficiencies

in our clients'

existing cultures.

Then you'll prescribe a blend

of our proprietary work rituals

to suit their needs and,

of course,

sell them on

our secret weapon.

Secret weapon?

You've already seen it.

Our in-house, designer kombucha,

which started as someone's fun

side project until we realized

the incredible benefits.

Imagine:

Every employee working with

peak energy and laser focus,

with no jitters or crashing.

Their gut biome and body

chemistry perfectly synced

from drinking kombucha designed

just for their company.

Team unity at a cellular level,

a true symbiosis

between employees

and their organization--

no matter what major

they had in college.

But what if they

don't like kombucha?

Believe it or not,

we've never run into

that problem before.

Everybody gets

on board eventually.

Do you partake?

I don't. Uh...

Those floating SCOBY things

kind of freak me out.

Okay, well, don't worry.

You'll get over that.

Do you know

what SCOBY stands for?

Uh, no.

Symbiotic culture

of bacteria and yeast.

A natural, harmonious

partnership.

Really nothing to be afraid of.

I think I'll stick with this.

We'll see about that.

So, this is your desk.

Oop. Sorry.

This was supposed

to be cleared out.

All yours. Andy will be

your onboarding buddy,

and he can fill you in on

your first assignment. Andy?

On it, boss.

Ma'am, you can't be in here.

No, I want to talk to her now.

You...

You k*lled my daughter.

Excuse me.

Hi. We need security

in the lobby right now.

You. You're next.

This place is cursed!

Let's go.

Let's go. Let's go.

Get out while you still can!

Okay. That's enough.

Don't touch me!

Man.

Downtown just keeps getting

crazier and crazier, huh?

Yeah.

Let's get you started

on this pitch deck.

Oh.

Okay.

Calling without

a text first. That's bold.

I wanted to hear your voice.

And to tell you,

I decided to take the job

at Andy's company.

Oh. You did?

Yeah.

Wow.

Is that a good wow?

Like we should

celebrate tonight wow?

I'm really

happy for you.

I just need some time

to think about things.

Yeah. Okay.

Absolutely. I understand.

I'll let you get back to

whatever you were doing.

I'm just still at work

finishing up this report

that's going to

shut down a construction site

due to toxic mold.

Oh, f*ck.

These mobbed-up construction

guys might make me disappear.

Maybe you could

leverage your findings

into a lucrative bribe instead.

Look at you, sounding

like a business bro already.

See, look, I'm a changed man.

All right,

well, I gotta go. Bye.

Yeah, all right. Bye.

f*ck.

Gabi.

Hey!

Yeah. How you doing?

Oh, you went

corporate, huh?

Hey.

You know, health insurance

is a thing. I get it.

Yes, it is.

So, you done with music or?

Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm not done with music.

Still going to make music. Just

taking a little break right now.

I hope so. You have

something special.

Thanks, Gabi.

It means a lot coming from you.

-Well.

-All right. I should get going.

Uh, are you gonna...

spread some love around?

-Oh, sh*t. Absolutely.

-If you feel like it.

No, I feel like it. I'm just not

used to having money on me.

-Oh, new feeling?

-Yeah, absolutely.

Okay, well, hope

we play together soon.

Yeah. Me too.

Good luck with this.

Thanks.

Hey, Luke.

Hey.

Hey, so the client meeting

got pushed up to 9:00

tomorrow morning,

so I need to see where you're at

on that pitch deck now.

Oh.

Can't let go of those

music dreams, huh?

We don't need bums here.

Come on. Get out of here!

- Get out of here.

- Ugh.

It's not working

out too well for her, huh?

Okay, I'm leaving.

I'll get that pitch deck

to you ASAP.

I work fast

when I get my coffee in me.

Ah! You know what?

Now would be a great time

to try Mother's Secret.

It works wonders.

Yeah, I'm just

really not a kombucha guy.

Well, you know, there's

no SCOBY in bottled kombucha,

if that's what's stopping you.

I'll stick with

my coffee. Thanks.

You know what?

This is not a great start

to your probationary period.

I'm going to do the deck myself.

Uh...

And Luke?

Schedule a performance check-in

with me for tomorrow morning.

Performance check-in?

What happened?

Dude, all I said was

I didn't feel like I wanted

to drink the kombucha.

I didn't know it was gonna

be that big of a deal.

I thought it was

silly at first, too,

but then I tried it, and

I haven't missed a KPI since.

The idea of it is just so gross.

You know, I pulled a lot

of strings to get you this job.

You're really

making me look bad.

I'll think about it. Okay?

You made the right choice.

Oh, hey. Um...

Yeah, I was gonna do the do.

Go on, take a sip.

It's just so fun seeing

people's first reactions.

Uh, okay. Sure.

Look. I actually

used to be an actress.

Isn't that silly? But I could

never make it work financially.

So then I committed to Symbio,

and this became my dream.

Maybe you'll survive

here after all.

Kelsey, are you okay?

Yes. It's just allergies.

Back to work.

Okay.

All right.

Oh...

Holy sh*t.

This stuff really works.

Hey.

Maybe I was wrong about you.

Luke, do you have a minute

to chat about the deck you sent?

The Lumanova deck

that you sent me yesterday.

Oh, don't worry,

it's just working its magic

in your microbiome.

Uh, excuse me, I need to--

It might be rough for a couple

days, but you'll get used to it.

Luke, Luke! There you are.

Kelsey's freaking out

out there, man.

Something about your pitch deck.

Did she say

what the problem was?

No. You better get out there.

Okay, okay.

Gotcha.

Luke, you have already

hit a milestone that lets you

participate in one of our very

most important rituals.

Your incredible pitch deck

has put us over the top

for a half-million-dollar

contract with Lumanova.

So the honor is yours

to ring the gong.

I'm okay. Thank you, though.

Luke.

Luke, Luke, Luke.

Luke, Luke, Luke.

Luke, Luke, Luke,

Luke, Luke, Luke!

Luke, Luke, Luke, Luke!

Psst. And let's not forget

the icing on the cake.

Your 1% share of the deal

that you just landed us.

Because at Symbio...

Serve the

job, and the job serves you.

5K for a PowerPoint?

Mm-hmm. Crazy, right?

And the work is actually kind of

interesting too. It's basically

making dysfunctional corporate

cultures more cohesive.

Okay. How does that work?

Yeah. So, we have all these

rituals we've developed

that help bring teams together.

It's actually kind of fun.

Rituals? Sounds a little culty.

I haven't even told you

about the kombucha yet.

What?

Yeah, so, each client

gets their own

unique strain that helps

everyone get in sync.

It's all over the office, too.

Are you telling me

you drink kombucha now?

Who even are you?

I mean, I was pretty

skeptical about it at first,

but then I tried it

and got crazy productive.

It did give me a terrible

case of the shits, though.

That can happen when

you introduce new probiotics.

Mm-hmm.

Well, how's your boss?

Um, Kelsey. Yeah.

She's kind of intense,

-but I like her.

-Okay.

There's one weird

thing, though.

Uh...

My first day, she, like,

took me to that desk that had,

like, a memorial for the girl

that had it before me.

Oh my God. Do you,

like, know what happened?

No. But then a crazy lady

who must have been her mom

came in screaming

about how Kelsey k*lled her.

Wait. Your boss

got accused of m*rder?

Luke, this company sounds

kind of f*cked up.

You wanted me to take this job,

and now you're

giving me sh*t about it?

I can't win with you.

Look, I just want you

to be happy, okay?

But that doesn't mean you

have to work at this place.

I am happy working there.

If you say so.

Here you go. Enjoy.

Thank you.

Luke, I know this is

your first engagement,

but I want you to co-lead

this one with Andy.

It'll mean some extra hours,

but that's the fastest

way to learn.

Are you up for that?

Definitely.

Terrific. Then let's check in on

your diagnostic plan tomorrow.

All right. I'll be back in five.

I'm gonna grab some more 'booch.

Uh, I'll come with you.

Thanks.

Yo. When you started

drinking this stuff,

did you get any weird

side effects?

Side effects? Like what?

Amazing boners?

What? No, no, I mean,

like, stomach stuff.

Weird dreams.

I had really

weird shits early on,

but since then,

I've felt terrific.

I haven't even

had a sick day yet.

Yeah, plus, amazing boners.

No weird dreams, though?

I can't even remember

the last time I had a dream.

Oh, sh*t.

You good?

Oh, yeah. I guess kombucha

doesn't cure allergies.

-Am I right?

-Uh-huh.

-I'm gonna go clean up.

-Okay.

I'll see you in a few. Yeah.

Oh...

Oh!

Whoa, f*ck!

Tammy? I'm Elyse.

Want some honey-garlic?

It's good for the immune system,

and it keeps the scaries away.

No. I'm good, thank you.

Can you tell me more about what

happened to your daughter?

Rachel.

She was a theater kid who

moved to the city after college

and got some parts in plays

and did some local commercials

but always had to wait tables

just to stay afloat.

And I told her that she needed

to get a job with benefits

before she turned 26.

My insurance wouldn't cover her.

So she ended up at Symbio.

I was thrilled at first,

but then I started noticing

changes.

Like what kind of changes?

The changes

seemed good initially.

She seemed motivated,

really interested in her work,

um, became a health nut,

kept trying to convince me

to start drinking kombucha.

But then she became

more and more distant.

On edge.

And she didn't want to

talk about work much anymore.

What do you think happened?

I think she found out

what they were up to

and wouldn't go along with it.

She drank a cup full of bleach

instead of joining them.

Did you go to the police?

They were no help.

Just said it was suicide.

And then Symbio twisted

everything around on me too.

How?

They gave me this.

They said that what

Rachel was struggling with

was her relationship with me.

But we were always so close

until they pulled her

away from me.

And she always called me

"Mom," not "Mother."

I'm so sorry.

I think they're a bunch of

filthy bloodsuckers

draining the life

from their employees.

It sounds like

a toxic place to work.

No. They are

literal bloodsuckers.

Vampires.

Um, I have to go.

I know what it sounds like.

And there are things

I can't explain,

like how they go out

in the daylight.

But I looked at that boss b*tch,

Kelsey, right in the eye,

and I've never been

as sure of anything.

She's not human.

Look, thank you for your time.

This boyfriend of yours...

Do everything you can

to get him to quit.

And if he won't,

tell him not to drink

the kombucha.

I think they lace it

with something.

Now, we found that

the biggest gap in their culture

were around bringing

their whole selves to work

and thinking outside the box.

They also had substandard rates

of circling back.

And low circle-back rates

just k*ll morale.

We think that adding rituals

of enforced vulnerability

at these key points

in their workflow

will help maximize psychic

transference across the team.

Uh, any feedback before

the presentation?

Yeah, I have some feedback.

My only concern is that you

have set the bar so high,

they're going to expect a grand

slam on everything from now on.

Great work, everybody.

See you back here

at two for the call.

All right.

Hey, Luke.

Do you have a minute?

Uh, yeah.

What's up?

Your progress

since you've joined us

has been simply astounding.

Thank you. I hate to admit it,

but things really started

clicking for me

after I started drinking this.

And I love

to say, "I told you so."

Okay.

But seriously,

your performance has me thinking

about a promotion for you.

-Oh, wow. Really?

-Mm-hmm.

I mean, that's amazing.

But, if I'm going to champion

you at this early stage,

I need to know

a little more about you.

What's your favorite bar

in the city?

Uh, Maria's, I guess.

Great. Let's go tonight,

and we can talk about what your

future might look like here.

It's a date.

Wait, I didn't mean a date.

I meant, like, a calendar date.

No, no. It's okay. It's okay.

I won't tell HR.

Yet.

Ready when you are.

Wow. You look--

Thanks. Shall we?

Yeah.

Oh, sorry. One second.

Hey. Uh, what is it?

Hey, you said

we could talk today.

Yeah, I have a work

thing I need to go to.

Well, where is it?

I'll meet you afterwards.

What? No, no, no.

Luke, it's important.

It's about Symbio.

We need to talk tonight.

Uh, it's at Maria's.

I'll text you

when I'm done, okay?

Okay. Talk to you later.

Everything okay?

All good. Let's get out of here.

Okay.

Luke, you made it back!

Hey. Yeah.

Guess you're not

playing tonight.

No, just enjoying the show.

Have a great set, Gabi.

Always do.

It's so fun seeing

where you came from.

Already feels like a past life.

Wait. Stop. Is this

what I think it is?

You might be more

hooked than me.

Maybe.

Uh, I'm gonna use

the bathroom.

-Okay.

-Be right back.

What are you doing here,

El? I said I was gonna text you.

You told me you

had a work thing,

then I find you here on a date.

It is a work thing.

That's my boss, Kelsey.

She basically forced me

to be here.

So what is so urgent for you

to show up here like this?

So I did some research on Symbio

and then I found Tammy,

that dead girl's mom.

So then I met up with her.

-You met up with her?

-Yeah.

She seems crazy.

Okay, she's out there, but

her daughter drank bleach

instead of going along with

whatever sh*t Symbio was doing.

Luke, that place

is dangerous.

You have to quit.

Okay, now you seem crazy.

I'm just--I'm worried about you.

El, it's just a company.

All right.

It's a little weird, sure,

but it's not a cult or

whatever you're imagining.

It's just projects, meetings,

emails, reports. That's it.

What's that?

It's nothing.

It's just some kombucha.

Tammy said that's

how they lure people in.

That sh*t is addictive, Luke.

That's ridiculous. Okay.

It's no different than drinking

coffee or an energy drink,

but it's more, uh,

healthy and natural.

Luke, what the f*ck?

You were talking then you just,

like, disappeared.

I don't know. I think I just--

Oh my God, your eye.

Oh, uh, it's...

It's just allergies probably.

You have to stop

drinking that sh*t.

Gotta go.

Hold on.

I'm trying to talk to you.

You broke up with me, okay?

So just f*ck off, please.

f*ck!

Hey.

So who was that?

My ex.

Oh. That's awkward.

You wanna get out of here?

Absolutely.

I've got the normal kombucha.

See some yeast,

a little bacteria.

Looks normal.

Now the Symbio kombucha.

Whoa.

My God, are those...

So this is my place.

Is that your ex again?

Yeah.

You want to

get rid of her, right?

Uh...

Luke, there's blood

in the kombucha.

You've gotta stop drinking it.

Oh my God. Hey.

You sound really

crazy right now,

and Luke's pretty freaked out,

so please never contact

him again. Okay?

What? No.

She won't bother you again.

f*ck.

This feels familiar.

You know, H.R. would

k*ll me for saying this,

but the whole work-life balance

thing is a crock of sh*t.

If you love what you do,

then it should seep into

every aspect of your life.

So when I'm here

I can focus on work.

And when I'm at work,

I feel like I'm at home.

Yeah.

Shall we?

Cheers.

I have a confession to make.

Uh, what's that?

Don't be freaked out,

but I filled out a relationship

disclosure form

before we went out tonight.

Just... I mean,

I didn't submit it,

but, I don't know,

I just felt like

maybe there was

something between us.

I don't know.

That's so embarrassing.

No, I think

you're really amazing.

Really?

Good. I think

you're amazing too.

You make me want to be a mother.

Uh, um... what?

Is this okay?

Uh, yeah.

Oh.

Then give me your seed.

Give the seed to Mother.

Oh...

Awesome. Great job, Luke.

Kelsey?

Hey, uh, what are you doing?

Are you okay?

What the f*ck?

Mother will be so happy.

Look who finally woke up.

Uh, where is it?

Where's what?

The...

The baby.

The what?

This morning...

Hey.

Yeah.

I think maybe my dirty talk

got in your head a little bit.

It's okay. It's all in good fun.

Why don't you go home

and clean up?

Do you want a smoothie

for the road?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Hey, stranger.

-Hey, hey. What's up?

-Hi.

Uh-oh. Did I catch you

reminiscing about last night?

Cause that's all I've been

doing this morning.

Uh, yeah.

You caught me.

Well, I've got

some exciting news.

I floated your promotion

to the CEO.

She's going to be in town

this weekend.

She wants to meet you

on Saturday.

How's that sound?

-That sounds good. Great.

-I know, right?

Can you put together

a quick presentation for her?

Yeah, I'll get right on that.

Ahh. Awesome.

Hey. We're going to do

great things together.

Luke, Luke.

Luke, what do you think?

About what?

About slide four.

Should we cut it?

Uh, sure. I think

we should cut it.

You okay, Luke?

You look a little queasy.

No. All right.

Uh, yeah. Um...

I'll... I'll be back in a few.

All right. Come on.

Get it together.

You're okay.

Focus, focus, focus.

Okay. Okay. Come on,

come on, come on.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh, what? Are you okay?

What's going on?

Uh, I don't know.

I think I saw something.

I'm okay, I think.

Okay. Well,

you don't look so good.

So why don't you take

a car home and rest up

and drink some kombucha?

That'll sort you out.

And we can meet back here

tomorrow morning.

Okay.

Back to work, everyone.

Luke, hey.

sh*t, you don't look good.

Oh my God. Okay.

Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah. I'm good.

I just-- I got a car.

-This is them.

-Okay, I got it, I got it.

Okay, okay.

Get in.

Go home and get some rest.

No job is worth dying for. Okay?

Hey, what's going on back there?

You better not be taking a sh*t.

I already cleaned up

one sh*t this week.

It's a $100 fee if you sh*t

in my car, buddy.

Mother can't wait to hold you.

Okay, okay.

Okay. Okay.

Uh...

What are you doing here?

You told me to f*ck off, and

then your new boss or girlfriend

or whatever blocks me.

And you think--you think

you can just show up here?

Please, I--

I need your help, El.

Please.

Yeah. Here. Come inside.

And I saw him again in the car.

This other me.

I think I know

what they're gonna do now.

They're gonna replace me.

You were right.

It's the kombucha.

Can you say something?

So it's not just addictive then,

it's giving you

paranoid hallucinations.

You don't believe me.

I believe that stuff

is poisoning you.

But, Luke, the idea

that there's another you

out there that's going to

replace you...

That's not real.

We need to

get you to a hospital.

No. Then they'll

know where to find me.

This is the only place

I feel safe.

If your withdrawal is anything

like detoxing from opioids,

you are gonna be sweating

and puking your a*s off.

So I'll get you some

chicken soup and electrolytes

to keep you hydrated.

And then some

antibiotic cream for the sores.

Thanks, El. I mean it.

You know, this doesn't

mean we're back together.

I know, I know.

Maybe after you

get straightened out,

we can talk about it.

I'd like that.

Oh, if you're gonna puke,

do it in the trash can.

Ahh!

-Hey.

-It's okay, Luke. I invited her.

I just need to check your eyes.

You're her mom, aren't you?

I remember you

from the office. Oh--

And they gave you Rachel's desk

like she was never there.

This is Tammy.

Okay. Yeah, well,

I'm sorry what--

about what happened to her.

Okay.

Well, the good news is I don't

think you're a vampire yet,

but you might be turning.

What? Vampire?

Can we cool it

with the vampire talk?

You're the one who

found blood in the kombucha.

Blood?!

So what's your theory?

Well, I don't know

that I have a better one,

but he's been talking about

Mother when he's sleeping.

Like, "Don't let

Mother take me."

Stuff like that.

Before Rachel died,

she was writing all kinds of

f*cked-up stuff about Mother,

and that b*tch Kelsey

said it was about me,

but I know you don't mean me.

So who's Mother?

I don't know.

Ahh!

It's the SCOBY.

sh*t. That's right.

I've heard people

call it the kombucha mother.

Yeah, they call the

kombucha Mother's Secret.

A head vampire.

That's a SCOBY, huh?

Oh, oh, oh. Ah!

Okay. Uh, something

doesn't feel right.

I've got something

that might help.

Unless you have any other ideas.

Garlic's good for the stomach.

And if you keep it down,

at least we know

you're not a vampire.

Okay. Yeah, that

smell makes me nauseous.

Just try a little.

Can you back off?

We need to know.

It was Mother.

It was Mother.

She was calling to me.

Well, what did she say?

I don't know. I don't know.

It wasn't like words or like

ones I could understand.

It was just like a feeling.

She was telling me to come home.

This doesn't sound

like normal withdrawal.

It's like he's got a,

like, a neural bond

with this thing.

Please help her

get her out of my head.

We need to go to the source.

-We've got to k*ll the mother.

-Yeah.

That's our best chance

of saving you.

Yeah. How?

- Well...

- Wait, I've got an idea.

So even though this is some

f*cking mutant SCOBY,

it's still mostly just

bacteria and yeast,

and we can k*ll that.

Your lab.

Hey!

You've reached

Luke's voicemail.

Leave a message after the beep.

Are you sure

you're okay with this?

Yeah. Yeah, it's the only way.

At least like this,

I know I won't be able to

get any kombucha.

We'll be back as soon as we can.

Be careful, okay?

We will.

Are you ready to go to the lab?

No. Um, I'll meet you at Symbio.

I need to stop by

my place first.

Are you serious?

All right, but one hour.

Don't be late.

Okay.

All right.

Luke.

Luke?

Luke!

Luke, it's me, Kelsey.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Luke, are you home?

Where are you?

Jackpot.

For the bacteria.

And for the yeast.

Tammy, you're late.

Sorry. Took longer

than I thought

to round everything up.

What is this?

Insurance.

For the last time,

they're not vampires, okay?

Luke sure didn't seem to

like that garlic in his face.

Yeah. Did you see what

was crawling out of his mouth?

Can you just ditch the bag

and let's go inside?

I'm not ditching anything.

You might think it's stupid,

but I'm the one who lost

my daughter to these f*ck.

And I'm gonna do whatever it

takes to make sure they don't

get anybody else,

including Luke.

No matter how ridiculous I look.

All right, fine.

We try my way first,

though. Okay?

-Okay.

-All right.

All right.

Come on.

Oh. Remember to be quiet.

The CEO is supposed to

come in later,

so there's people working.

What kind of as*h*le

works on a Saturday?

It's an ugly mother.

Let's start

with the biocide.

Fungicide. Quick!

Hey!

What are you doing?

We have to get out of here.

There's gotta be

another way out.

I'll hold them off.

No, I'm not leaving you.

I'm warning you.

Come any closer and things

are gonna get serious.

Go now!

No, stop!

Or I'll unleash the power

of Christ on your a*s.

Oh, hate to

burst your bubble,

but the power of Christ

can't hurt us.

Ow!

Power of Christ for the win.

Grab her!

You took Rachel.

But at least I'll die knowing

I got your precious Mother.

There's just one problem.

That isn't Mother.

What?

Tammy!

You. You're with me.

You. Clean this mess up.

She's over here somewhere.

Oh.

I see you've met Mother.

She's over here!

I miss my old life.

I just want to make music.

I just want to play music.

Come on. You got this.

Elyse? Tammy? Is that you?

Aww.

Hi, Luke.

You're supposed

to be at work.

I'm not...

I'm not coming back. I quit.

Aw. Your resignation

is not accepted.

You did something to me!

To my mind, my body.

And that f*cking baby...

That f*cking worm baby.

That was real, wasn't it?

All I did was give you a chance

at an extraordinary life.

To be a better version

of yourself.

To be part of a team

working in perfect harmony.

Yeah, is this your idea

of a better version of myself?

Huh?

You don't see

the bigger picture.

But I'll help you.

Your body is almost ready.

All you need is one more

glass of Mother's Secret.

We got rid of it all.

It's all gone.

And I'm not f*cking you.

Don't worry. I always

bring some with me.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

Fresh always tastes best.

It's your choice.

Join us and live a life you

never could have dreamed of,

or go back to being

a f*cking loser.

Mm-mm. Mm-mm.

It's your choice.

Mm-hmm.

Doesn't that feel better?

Let's get you ready

for that promotion.

It's too bad she

wasn't Mother's type.

You, on the other hand...

Don't worry.

Everything's fine.

Come on.

There he is.

The man of the hour.

Congrats on the

promotion, buddy.

Couldn't have

done it without you.

Luke, what are you doing?

You said the CEO would be here.

She is.

You already know.

No, no, no, no, no.

No...

You're not gonna

want to miss this.

She's been

taking care of our baby.

Do you want to meet him?

What the f*ck is this?

Aww. Are you scared?

You can join us if you like.

Mother likes you. You must

have that creative spark.

All you have to do is drink.

I'm not drinking that sh*t.

Okay, well,

whether you do or not,

Mother can make use of you.

What are you gonna do to him?

We all repay

the gift Mother gave us.

What do you mean, "repay"?

Luke, you don't

have to do this!

Luke, no, please!

Let's get him started

on the reintegration process.

Mother needs time to feed

and recuperate.

Can I watch this one?

Uh, yes, reintegration it is.

It actually feels really

great when she absorbs you.

It's like crawling back

into the womb.

But you'll find out soon enough.

Ugh.

Hey, could you

go grab him a mug?

His fine motor isn't

quite there yet.

You bet.

Oh.

You'll feel like yourself soon.

Luke, please! Snap out of it!

Oh, oh...

Ah! Luke!

Come on!

Hold on!

Luke!

Oh, okay.

-Are you okay?

-Yeah.

All right,

let's get the f*ck out of here.

Better. Again.

Let me circle back

to you on that.

You'll be leading calls

in no time.

Keep practicing. I'm gonna go

serve Mother her second course.

Let me circle back

to you on that.

Let me circle back

to you on that.

Let me circle back

to you on that.

Let me circle back

to you on that.

They got out.

Mother must be starving.

Find them now!

What's wrong?

He can feel

where I am.

Go, go, go, go.

I'll draw him away.

You go get help.

What? No.

We're leaving together.

I have to end this.

I'll be right behind you.

Let's go, let's go.

Come on, as*h*le.

f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

Where do you think you're going?

Oh, ahh, ah!

What did you do to me?

God!

Oh my God. Garlic

kills bacteria and yeast.

You were right, Tammy.

Luke!

Hey, as*h*le!

It's you or me.

So let's figure this sh*t out.

Get out of here now.

We're ending this.

What are you even

fighting for, huh?

You were miserable

in your old life

with your pathetic dreams!

Ahh!

I got to play music

that made people feel something.

What are you gonna do

with my life? Huh?

I'll unlock synergies you

couldn't possibly imagine!

What the f*ck does that mean?

This should tide you over

till your next meal.

No, no! You'll k*ll her!

I could have

created so much value.

I should have

never referred you.

Oh, oh,

oh, oh...

In private equity,

you try your best.

You do your due diligence

on companies that you might

want to invest in,

and sometimes

you miss something.

Fair to say, with Symbio,

we missed something.

Understatement.

Yeah.

Obviously, we'd like to

keep what happened quiet,

and we'd appreciate

your cooperation with that.

To make it worth your while,

we'd like to offer you both

jobs with BC Ventures.

Oh, uh, thanks,

but we're not interested.

Yeah, we're really not about

the corporate life anymore.

Plus, we have our own plans that

we're trying to align

on right now.

Okay, well, why don't

you just look at my terms?

Honestly, we're good. But...

Just in case

you can be more good.

Um...

Yeah. Nah.

We need to save as much cash

as we can from this mess.

Liquidate everything

that isn't bolted down.

Everything.