01x05 - They Can't All Be Jeremys

[bunniefuu]

[siren wailing]

Baby, I think
we should buy a g*n.

A g*n?

Yeah, just... just like
to have around the house,

-so you can protect me.
-Oh, interesting.

Alright, um...

do you think you'd, like,
keep b*ll*ts in the g*n

-at the ready, always?
-Obviously, we would have

-b*ll*ts in the g*n.
-Okay.

You just sh**t at the floor,
and then it scares them.

-Alright.
-And then they run away.

-Okay.
-And then, you don't have to sh**t anyone.

Yeah, I don't... I'm
not really a g*n person.

Okay, fine, we can
just get a Byrna.

What's... what's a...
what's a Byrna?

Okay, so it's like
a nonlethal p*stol...

-Okay.
-...and it fires pepper rounds.

But the cool thing
about it is, like,

you need a security
guard license to own one.

So, you get to do this, like,
free Zoom security guard training

-when you get it.
-Oh, that is cool.

Here, hold on, it's really
cool. Let me show you.

-Alright.
-Where's my f*cking phone?

-Oh.
-Oh, f*ck.

Alright, that... that's
actually a perfect example

of why we should not have
a g*n in the house.

-Why?
-If that was a g*n,

it would have just, like,
shot my d*ck off or something.

I'm not holding it like a g*n.
Like, if this was a g*n,

-I wouldn't be like... Okay?
-Alright, okay, I really hope not.

-Okay.
-Well, now it's a g*n.

-Now, it's a g*n?
-Now, it's a g*n.

-Oh, sh*t.
-Yeah.

Try to take it
out of my hands now.

Come on, try to take the g*n.
Try to take the g*n.

Oh, my God!

-[person] What the f*ck?!
-Oh, f*ck. Sorry.

-Sorry.
-My bad.

-It's my boyfriend's fault.
-Yep.

Um, can I come down
and grab that from you?

-Wait, what's he holding?
-Wait, he's...

Oh, sh*t.
Oh, sh*t.

-Go, go, go, run.
-[g*nsh*t]

-[Maia] Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
-[g*nshots continue]

-f*ck!
-[Dylan] f*ck.

-Do you think...
-Oh, f*ck.

...we can still get the
phone back, or probably not?

Don't... don't worry about
the phone right now!

[♪ Electronic music playing]

♪ Twist the knife ♪

♪ It's alright ♪

It's a bummer for me, too.

Yeah.

Yeah, it... I mean,

Kia is a really nostalgic car
for Tallulah.

It was the first car
she ever drove.

[whispering]
I'm lying. She can't drive.

-[laughing]
-Yeah, well,

maybe we knock off
the grid post, 35k?

No, I know it's a bad deal.
For Tallulah.

Yeah, Scott,
you're f*cking us on this.

You are.
It's fine.

But don't say you're not
f*cking us when you clearly are.


I would say you can do it
for 20k.

Like, 20 is good.
Grayson did it for 20.

No.

is my final offer.

Amazing.

-Amazing. Okay.
-Oh, my God.

Alright.
[laughing]

Oh, have fun at the baby shower.

[both] Oh, my God!

[both exclaiming]

-Oh! Oh!
-Yeah, girl! Yes, girl!

I am f*cking addicted to deals!

-sh**t them deals, b*tch, yeah!
-Yes! Yes!

And then, the second time
that I saw

the Hannah Montana movie,

the part where she,
like, takes off her wig

and she's like,
"I can't do this anymore."

-[laughing]
-Why are you laughing?

-I'm sorry.
-[both laughing]

No, go ahead, finish.

She's like,
"I can't do this anymore.

I can't be Hannah."
I have, like...

I have, like, full body chills
talking about it.

-No, I...
-It's actually like a lot for me.

I can tell.

-It was big for me, okay?
-Yeah!

[phone buzzing] -[Tessa]
Mm, she's obsessed with you.

-You're obsessed with me.
-[Tessa chuckles]

[Maia] [on phone] Hi,
queen. I tried calling you,

but you didn't pick up.

So, just voice-noting you
to say Kia wants to pay you

-30k for a story post. So sick.
-[water running]

-Oh, my God...
-Also, I think I ate -too much fiber,

and now the poop is,
like, solid inside of me.

I'm so bloated. [sighs]

-Hi.
-But 30k!

-Hey.
-Call me back.

Making coffee.

-30k?
-Oh.

For one day of work?
Is that normal?

Well, it kinda used to be,
but that's like COVID money.

It's a car company.

-Yeah.
-You know how to drive?

I mean, like,
I've driven before,

but I don't, like,
know how to drive.

[laughing] What the
f*ck does that mean?

-What?
-You've driven,

but you don't know how to drive?

-Yeah, so I'll learn.
-[Tessa] I got you.

-[Tallulah] What?
-Hey. Morning.

-Hi!
-Good morning.

-Hey, good morning.
-Hey. Mm.

-Good morning, Garrett.
-Morning.

-[Tallulah] Hi.
-[Tessa] What's up?

-Hey.
-Hey, do you wanna teach me how to drive today?

My God, yes, are you kidding me?

I've been driving, like,
in LA my entire life.

That's my sh*t.
That's like the one thing

I've, like, mastered,
I feel like.

Garrett, you wanna stay
for coffee?

Oh no, I'm okay, thank you.

I'm actually probably
just gonna head out, yeah.

-Oh, okay.
-Yeah, but, uh, yeah, text me.

-Yeah, we'll see you.
-Yeah.

[Tallulah clearing throat]

-[door opens, closes]
-[scoffs] What?

Uh, it's nothing.

We're, like, super casual,
just having fun,

and he's whatever,
so, like, don't mind him.

-[Garrett] Hey, sorry.
-[Tallulah] Oh, my God, hello!

Sorry, I... no, I forgot
my bike lock key here.

-Silly. [chuckles]
-[Garrett] Take care.

-[Tallulah] Bye!
-Bye.

[door closes]

[sighs]
Yeah, he's so responsible.

[both chuckle]

[Maia] Mm!

-This is so good.
-I know.

-Thank you so much.
-Oh, my God, of course.

You have been locked in.

-Like, I am impressed.
-Thank you so much.

It means a lot coming from you.

You know, your work ethic
reminds me

of me when I was your age.

Which wasn't even that long ago.

-[both chuckle]
-Okay, exciting news.

Just between us, Alyssa180
is being featured in Forbes.

They're sending a photographer
up at the end of the month.

-That is amazing.
-Mm.

That's so sick.

And so, it's gonna be,
like, photos of you,

or like, you and the whole
office, or...

-[knocking]
-[Courtney] Knock-a-doodle-doo!

Oh, hey, Maia.
Sugarfish!

Fun!

Um, hey, Alyssa, did you get
my vacation request?

-I'm just about to book it.
-Remind me what it is again.

Oh, it's a biking trip
up the coast

where I get to try
every type of apple.

-Fun!
-[Courtney] Yeah.

We won't even notice
you're gone.

-'Kay.
-Okay, bye, love you.

-Love you more.
-Mm.

Oh, my God, poor Court.

Jesus, I just, like, really hope
she finds someone.

We're so lucky we have
such amazing partners.

-Yeah.
-You know what's crazy?

I've never met Jeremy.

-What? That is crazy.
-Yeah.

Because, like,
he knows all about you.

-He does?
-I mean, he's my partner

and he is my closest
collaborator.

-I tell him everything.
-Ugh, that must be so nice

to just never have
to stop talking about work.

He's a music producer,
and, like,

I always ask for his advice,

as long as it isn't song time.

Dylan's the same way.
He'll do some music stuff,

and when he's thinking
of a song,

he's just, like,
off in his own world.

I'm like, "Hello?
I have a tiny problem."

Wait, Dylan is a songwriter?

Wow, look at us!
I didn't know that.

-We are both in power couples.
-Yeah.

For Dylan, it's more

-a part of his teaching.
-[gasps]

I just had the best idea.
We need to have a double date.

-Yes.
-Like, I don't know why Jeremy

and I don't have couple friends.
That's so weird.

-So weird.
-Yeah.

Okay, well,
how's tomorrow night?

-We're in.
-'Kay, we'll host.

You guys come starving.
Jeremy loves to cook.

Ooh!
What should we bring?

Anything.
We're easy.

Okay, I'll grab
some flowers and a...

Mm, no flowers.
We're not a flowers house.

-No, no, not flowers.
-Okay.

[Alani] Oh, and people
here get into an accident,

like, every six months,
so when it happens to you,

-don't freak out.
-[Tallulah laughing]

I don't want to get
into an accident, Alani.

No, no, it's good.
It means you're safe

for another six months.
That's, like, I don't know,

when you see your babysitter
get, like, struck by lightning,

or... or like adult twins.

-It doesn't make any sense.
-Okay, we're gonna make this left,

'cause when it's red,
it's your turn.

Right now?

Ooh, sh*t.

[car horn honking]

I'm sorry, I'm new!

-[honking continues]
-Sorry!

f*cking as*h*le.

-Is that Garrett?
-No.

I don't even, like,
care about that guy.

Okay, well, that's not true.

You like him, Alani,
we know that.

Okay, well, he's just, like,
definitely a f*ck boy.

Okay, I mean, like,
he's a f*ck boy now,

but you just have to make him,
like, obsessed with you.

You're right.
You're right, you're right.

You're right, I need to stand
in my m*therf*cking power

and text him right now
and tell him

-how much I care about him.
-No, Alani!

Are you crazy? No.

Then, what do you want me to do?
I don't understand.

You need to be mean
and trick him.

Okay, well, Lula, we both
know that I can't be mean.

Okay, you know what,
just take out your phone, and...

Actually, just let me see,
let me do it.

-[driver] Swear to God, b*tch, go!
-Just let me do it.

-[horn honking]
-Okay!

I don't wanna... I don't wanna
make a left. I wanna make a right.

-I wanna make a right.
-Okay. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

-It's fine, it's fine.
-I don't wanna make a left anymore!

-Let me...
-It's easier if I just do it. Let's just switch.

-Okay.
-Let's switch, let's switch.

f*ck. I mean,
archive Westwood, b*tch.

Like, are you kidding?
I'm gagging!

Like, these b*tches could never!

Um, I mean...
it's gonna be epic!

[all exclaiming]

Right, it was a language thing.
Yeah, you like it though, right?

-Yeah, it's good.
-[friend] Yeah! Yo, Lukas.

-Hey, that thing's lit.
-Man, I freaking love it.

-Thanks, thanks.
-[laughing]

-[sighs]
-So, what do you say?

You, me, the boys?

Vegas.

Yeah, I know you're probably
seeing other people for this,

but I... Lukas, I could...
I could k*ll it for you.

Yeah, it's just, you know,

we have a lot of options
to weigh.

[all laughing]

-Psych!
-What?

You should see your face,
my dog.

What did... did my face do?
What?

It's you! It's been you
for, like, 20 minutes!

-Shut up!
-You're coming to Vegas!

You're bad, you're bad.

He's bad.
Thank you.

-You guys got me.
-Dude, you're gonna be so stoked.

We have two whole floors
at the Luxor.

Dude, there's an esports lounge.

And all our rooms
interconnect, so when any of us

need to check in with
an accountability partner,

we can just knock on a door.

Yeah. Yeah.

Now, just what is...
what is an accountability...

-Accountability partner.
-Yeah, what is that term?

-Yeah, um...
-We help each other stay on track.

-Mm-hmm.
-Spiritually and morally.

-Morally.
-Really, any sins at all.

But mostly p*rn*graphy
addiction.

-Yeah.
-p*rn*graphy a-addiction.

Like right now, we got
this thread going

where if we even
think about going

to one of those bad websites,
we just check in with each other.

And you just send other
the websites, or...

you just say,
"I've been thinking"?

-I'm just trying to... yeah.
-[phones dinging and buzzing]

[sighs]

-Aw.
-All good, brother. Give it.

-He was thinking.
-Love you.

We love you, man.
We love you.

-[whispering] The f*ck?
-Stay prayered up.

♪ You won't get
what you want from me ♪

Do you have any nudes
on your phone?

Yeah, they're in an album called
"Nudes of my body, private."

Oh, my God. Alani!

-[chuckles]
-This photo is insane.

-I know, right?
-How did you even get the lighting like that?

-Like, this is crazy.
-I wish I could take credit.

-That was my dad's old DP.
-Oh, my God.

Yeah, Carl was actually
so sweet.

It's, like, really not cool
what happened to him.

-Everyone overreacted.
-Okay.

I am sending this picture
to Garrett.

-[chuckles] 'Kay.
-And I'm gonna say...

"Oops, sorry, wrong person."

-Okay.
-[text whooshing]

-[text whooshing]
-"Can I come over later?"

-Are you serious?
-So easy. Yeah.

-You're lying. Okay, okay, say...
-No, no, he literally just...

-Say, "Yes, I'm so down, baby."
-No!

-Um, "Pull up around six..."
-Oh, my God!

Alani, you are not
getting the point.

No. "Sorry. Busy."

Okay, but Lula, I'm not busy.

-I'm free.
-[text whooshing]

[Tallulah shushing]

[text whooshing]

I'm sorry, what does that say?
[chuckles]

"Wine in my backyard
tomorrow?"

-Boom, b*tch, phase two!
-Okay. Okay.

-Okay, okay, you're right.
-Okay?

Hey, babe,
you're making me nervous.

Well, sorry, I have
to hit my steps, so.

It's just a lot of walking
around the apartment.

-Here you go.
-Thank you.

-What's this?
-Mm!

-It's my big bag of wigs.
-Oh.

-You've never seen my big bag of wigs?
-I have not.

-Ooh.
-I'm going to a wig party tonight.

-You guys can actually come.
-Dylan, no.

A wig party
would literally k*ll you.

Okay, we have to be fresh
and ready for tomorrow night.

Right, we have
to stay in tonight

because of a dinner
we have tomorrow.

Okay, baby?
Do not joke.

-I'm not joking.
-Okay? Alyssa finally takes me

seriously as a peer, okay?
And if Jeremy likes you,

then we're gonna be
couple friends.

Next thing you know,
we're going on dinner dates.

Me and Alyssa, we're texting
each other TikToks at work.

She's laughing.
We're going on couples' trips.

Then, bam, me and her
next to each other

in Forbes f*cking magazine.

-Okay, guys?
-Great.

-That's the one.
-[Dylan] Baby, really,

you don't have to worry
about me.

The dads at school,
they... they love me.

You know, I just...
you say, like,

"Hey, you see the new
season of Reacher?"

And then, they just go
on and on, and it's great.

Okay, but Dyl?

Jeremy is not like the dads
at your school, with love.

-He is a big music producer.
-Okay.

So, you have to talk
to him about that.

I told Alyssa that
you're a songwriter, too.

-Mai, no, no, no.
-What?

-Please, I... [scoffs]
-You are!

I wrote one song one time

for Miss Atwell's
second graders.

♪ Trash, trash,
pick up your trash ♪

[Charlie] ♪ Trash, trash, pick up your
trash ♪ -♪ Trash, trash, trash, trash ♪

Yeah, it's amazing, it's
a banger. And it worked.

-They pick up their trash, okay?
-[Charlie] Yeah.

So, lean into that.

[Charlie] Okay, go slow
again, go slow again.

[partner moans] -Fast,
fast, fast, fast, fast, fast, fast.

[moaning] Oh, f*ck.
f*ck, sorry.

I just like... I did Molly,
it might take me a second.

Babe, it's like 6 a.m.

Sorry.
f*ck, f*ck, f*ck. Sorry.

-I can't get lockjaw. I have court later.
-[phone buzzing]

-You have court? Sorry, wait.
-I told you, I work for the D.A.

f*ck!
This is my new boss.

He wants me to go work out
with him and his friends.

[chuckles]
Obviously, just say no.

No, no, no.
Okay, no, babe, babe.

You can't say no to a pop star.
Like, they turn on you fast.

-Mm.
-Ooh!

I'm high. Okay.

I got this.
You give great head.

-Remember that.
-Call me.

[Charlie sighing, groaning]

What's up?

-[all] Charlie!
-I'm so pumped you made it, man.

I've been up for hours,
actually, yeah,

just doing errands, cleaning.

Classic morning things,
you know?

Um, what's the...
what's the plan today?

Well, we're helping to train Dom
for his first half-marathon

-since his knee surgery.
-Yeah.

-Yeah?
-Pro tip, don't ride an ATV

in sunglasses
if it's cloudy out.

[chuckles] A half...
half-marathon, you said?

Okay.
You ready, boys?

-[all] Warm-up sprints?
-Warm-up sprints.

[Charlie groaning]

-[vomit spattering]
-[coughing]

Oh. [chuckles]
Whoops!

It's all good.

I think I drank my water
too fast, or...

[retching]

[grunting, chuckling]

Say it. Say it. Say it.

I was bullied my whole life,
I can take it, just say it.

Like, "Oh, he's f*cking gross, right?

A disgusting f*cking g*y guy
can't run up a hill."

[chuckles] Just say it.

Like, "f*ck this guy, right?
f*ck... f*ck Charlie."

-f*ck this f*g." Come on, say it. Say it.
-Hey, no, dude, dude, hey, hey.

Dude, we all have
off days, okay? Right?

-[Dom] Yeah.
-[Lukas] Yeah.

There's no shame in it, man.

Why don't y'all do
a quick little lap?

I'll just hang out with Charlie
till he's feeling better, okay?

-Sounds good.
-Okay.

-How you feeling?
-That was...

-I hated that experience.
-Yeah.

Like a lot, it was really
embarrassing for me.

[chuckles] Bet you guys
are gonna f*cking

roast the f*ck out of me
in the group chat tonight.

Why would we do that?
We're your friends, man.

I mean, yeah, that's what...
that's what friends do, right?

I mean, like, I love my crew,

but like, we do talk
a lot of sh*t.

-Huh.
-You know, and that keeps us

from all ever making
any mistakes, ever.

That sounds kinda rough.

No. No.
No, I think it's... it's like...

it's more in like the tone.
It's the way we say it.

-It's like we're funny about it, of course.
-Oh.

-[chuckles] Oh, okay.
-Like for example, like,

-I got a nose ring.
-Mm-hmm?

And they, like, bullied me...
[chuckles]

Until I no longer
had the nose ring.

That's kind of a bummer, man.
Like, you tried something new,

and they brought you down.

My friends...

they give me a sense
of belonging and purpose.

Anyway, you rest up, brother.

I'd invite you to come
ride ATVs with us later,

but you're precious cargo.

Random thought, you rule.

-Thank you.
-[phone buzzing]

[chuckles]

[Dylan] What, uh...
baby, one more time,

what... what does he do
for a living again, Jeremy?

-Kidding.
-Okay...

-I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
-Lock in.

-I'm locked in.
-The only jokes you should be making tonight

-are music ones.
-Music ones?

Yeah, like, "Oh, I wish
pianos were lighter."

-[chuckles] Okay.
-Something like that.

Oof, you smell so good.

-New perfume.
-Mm.

-Okay, focus.
-Mm-hmm, focus.

-What do you want?
-[Dylan] Oh!

[Alyssa and Maia laughing]

-Just kidding. Hi!
-[Maia and Dylan] Hey!

I hope you came hungry.
Dylan?

-Yes.
-Get in here.

-Okay, I'm coming.
-Red!

-We are starving.
-Yes.

-Like you said.
-Mm. [chuckles]

[Dylan]
It's a beautiful home.

[Jeremy] So, I'm, uh,
working on my laptop

across from this
beautiful woman.

-[Maia gasps]
-And, uh, I'm trying

to figure out what to say,
and I've got nothing.

[laughing]
I'm doing the same.

So, I finally just blurt out...

"Can we ask them
to turn this music down?

Whatever it is
is so, so bad."

And I said,
"It's Beck and, yeah,

"I asked him to go easy
on the cello,

but, hey, I was just
the producer."

-Oh!
-Oh, my God!

-So, you... it was... that was your song that was playing.
-Yeah, that was... yeah.

-[Maia] That is crazy.
-[Alyssa] Yeah. Yeah.

-My song.
-I was so embarrassed, I...

I bought him lunch,
and then the rest is history.

-Aw.
-[Jeremy] The rest is history.

-That's good.
-Well, great story.

-Yeah, that's... that's great.
-Cheers to you guys.

-Yeah, cheers.
-[Alyssa] Mm.

Mm, Jeremy, I know
you get to, like, work

with a bunch of very cool
people and everything.

But I gotta ask you,
have you ever met Rick Rubin?

-Oh! Yeah.
-[Jeremy and Alyssa chuckle]

-Yeah? Wow, that's great.
-Yeah, he is a...

-[whispering] Who is that?
-He is a character.

Have you... have you
read his book?

No, no, not yet.
I'm, uh... it's next in line.

I'm reading, uh, The Rise
of the Third Reich right now.

It's going through kinda
the political climate

-post-World w*r I.
-Right.

And just kinda leading
up to everything

-that really the whole...
-Dylan, we don't need to talk

about the n*zi book.
[chuckles]

It's not the one
that Hitler wrote,

by the way, JSYK.

-[Dylan] Yeah.
-Um, it's like about Hitler

and how he is bad,
and how to not, you know,

do all of that again.

So, uh...

Alyssa told me what
you're working on with Tallulah.

Yeah!
Um, it's been so nice

to just, like, dive right in
and just, like,

book, book, book, book, book.
[snapping]

It's like, get one job, bam!
[clapping loudly]

Another job, bam! You know?
[clapping loudly]

Yeah, I can hear her all the way
from my office making deals.

-[Maia chuckles]
-k*lling it! [chuckles]

-Are you okay, my love?
-Yeah, no, I'm... yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Sweetie, tell me.
-I'm just, um... no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Shh, shh, I'm just... okay.

I thought I felt a migraine
coming on, but, um...

-Mm.
-[Maia] Oh, no.

I'm good, no, I'm good.
I'm good. I'm good.

I'm sorry, I'm... I'm Italian,

so talk loud,
talk with my hands.

-Italian?
-Yeah.

So, Jeremy, what are you
working on producing now?

[Jeremy] [scoffs]
I'm just, um...

I, uh, no longer
can produce in studio

because, uh, I get headaches

from the... the playback,
so, um...

-Oh, sh... sh*t.
-[chuckles] It's complicated.

-That's tough.
-[Jeremy] So...

-[Alyssa] Yeah.
-[Dylan] Mm.

Like, I have to catch
the microwave before it beeps.

Is, uh, someone wearing perfume?

[gasps] Yes!
Thank you.

It's me.
It's Byredo.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, babe.
I have COVID.

-No, it's...
-I... I couldn't... I didn't know.

[Jeremy] That's okay.
It's fine.

Maia, perfume is a...
is a trigger

for Jeremy's headaches.

Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.

[Jeremy] No, it's okay.
You couldn't have known.

Uh, that said, I think I'm gonna
have to, uh, remove myself.

-[Alyssa] No.
-No, I'm just gonna go lay down.

-Oh, no. Honey.
-No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's fine, it's fine, I'm just...

-I'm sorry, everyone.
-[Alyssa] I love you.

Where's Maia?

Are you guys, like,
going out later?

Um, no, she and Dylan
have a dinner at Alyssa's house.

It's actually a big deal
for her, so.

She's, like, always
f*cking grinding.

-It's the weekend.
-Alani!

-Just saying.
-This is her career.

I mean, it means a lot to her.

I think it's inspiring.

Okay, I mean,
I guess you're right.

Um, okay.
For Garrett?

-Love.
-Really?

Serious, it's so cute.
You look sexy.

[squealing] I love you.
Also, I was thinking,

'cause it's gonna be,
like, a little chilly.

Oh. Sorry.

What do you think?

Hey, random thought.

-You rule.
-I love you.

You're being so cute today.

-You're cute every day!
-Stop!

Wait, oh my God.
[sighs]

I'm excited 'cause
Garrett's, like, amazing.

And, you're gonna eat this up.

He sent me this pic.

-Oh. [chuckles]
-He's so f*cking cute.

Alani, I don't think he would
appreciate me seeing that.

So, I think for your eyes only.

But it's so sweet
of you to show me.

-I'm really happy for you.
-Thank you.

You're being so mature.
I love you.

-Wait, hold on, I need to...
-Love you.

...see one more thing.

[♪ light electronic music
playing]

[emojis popping]

[chuckles softly]

Aw.

[exhales sharply]

A few years ago,
Jer took a tumble

skiing at Big Bear.

He'd had an amazing day.

And then, on his last run,

he took his helmet off
to look cool.

He hit a tree.

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, wow.

-That's terrible.
-Sometimes these migraines

put him in bed for days.

Yeah. [sighs]

Oh, uh, I... I just
thought of something.

I could actually go
get the grill going.

-Yeah, if you want.
-At least get something going, you know?

Yeah.

-That would be amazing, baby.
-Yeah? Okay.

-That is so sweet.
-Yeah, alright.

-I'm on it.
-You don't have to.

No, no, I'm happy to...
the grill, uh, it's...

-You'll find it, it's...
-I'll... I'll find it.

-It's a grill.
-He's got it.

He seems... he's nice.

He's the best, and he loves to.

[grunting]
More wine?

Yeah.
That must be so hard for you.

Ugh.
When I met Jeremy,

he was like a rocket.

Do you know how many times

I could have f*cked Jon Hamm
at Speranza?

-Uh, a lot, probably.
-But I didn't,

because I was all in on Jeremy.

And now... [sighs]

I leave the house,
he's in pajamas.

I come home, he's in
the same pajamas.

Like, that wasn't on
my vision board.

Yeah.
It's not on my vision board.

It's like, you know,
pajamas are for night.

Clothes are for day, like...

But honestly, you're k*lling it.

-[sighs]
-You are, Alyssa!

Like, not a lot of people can
say that they're a badass CEO

-and an amazing wife.
-[clicking tongue]

-I, like, really admire that.
-Thank you.

-Yeah.
-[sighs] Partner, not wife.

-Totally.
-My choice.

Okay, I'm gonna pee,
and then I'm gonna go

get started on the salad.

The bathroom is down the stairs.

-And there's no toilet spray.
-Okay.

-Because of Jeremy.
-Got it.

[toilet flushing]

[sighs]

[whispering]
What the f*ck?

[moaning on TV]

[Maia gasps]

Oh... [mouthing] my God.

Oh, my God. Ew!

-[chuckles]
-I mean, I don't know.

-What do we do?
-I don't know.

I mean, I can... I can go
down there and help him finish,

and then that way,
he comes back up here...

-Dylan. Dylan. Dylan.
-Alright. Okay.

-It's okay.
-[Alyssa] Mai?

This salad is giving me life.

-[gasps] Yay!
-Yay.

So glad.
I can't wait for you

to try Dylan's steak.

[sighs] Such a bummer
that Jeremy is sleeping.

I... I really wanted him
to tell you the story

of when Sia threw up
on him at the studio.

-[chuckles] Oh, my God, well, next time.
-Oh.

-He... rest is so important.
-Yeah. Yeah.

The doctors say that he cannot
be disturbed during his naps.

Like, his inner ear
is so sensitive,

that, like, even if the WiFi
goes out during one of his naps,

he senses it, he freaks out.

He, like, wakes up, texts me,
like, "What's going on?"

-[both] Yeah.
-The nap.

-Yeah.
-Wow.

So rare.

It's like you just showed
the cow a photo of a flame.

-[Maia chuckles]
-I'm kidding.

Yeah, it's... it's a leaner cut,
and you kind of don't, um...

But you know, it is pretty rare.

-It's a little... it's a little bloody, I think, yeah.
-It's... let me...

-I'll throw it back on for just a minute.
-No, not just for me.

No, no, no,
I like it that way, too.

-Yeah, she likes it like that.
-Done, done, done, done, done.

-You do?
-Yeah. Yeah.

-Oh, my God, twinsies.
-Twinsies.

[both chuckle]

-Ugh.
-[door closes]

I wish that Jeremy was here
cooking the steak.

Dylan is really sweet
for trying, though.

I mean...

they can't all be Jeremys.
[chuckles]

There are other
Jeremys out there.

It's not like you guys
own a house together.

And you're both so young.

We can always do better.
Right?

-I'm just saying.
-Yeah.

I call it like I see it.

No...

And I... it means a lot to me

that you see the best in me,
and you want the best for me.

-I do.
-[door opens]

-You're welcome.
-Thank you.

-[both chuckle]
-[Dylan] Okay. Alright.

-That was quick, but.
-Thank you, Dyl.

-They are cooked.
-[Alyssa] Mm!

Dyl, don't you think
that your hot girlfriend

should be in the
Forbes photo with me?

-I would love to.
-Yeah. [chuckles]

-Great! Done deal!
-Done deal.

Yes, and we need to all
get dinner again together,

when Jeremy's feeling better.

-Yes. Yes.
-Whenever he's up for it, yeah.

I wanna hang with him.

-[crunching loudly]
-[Dylan] Yeah. Wish he was here.

I just can't f*cking
get over it.

Like, who jerks off standing up?
Do you?

Uh, I mean, I, like, have.

-Yeah.
-But not at a dinner party

with people in my house.
Like, that's...

Yeah, a dinner party
with no food.

-No food.
-She was like, "Come starving."

-You cooked dinner.
-I know.

And the steak?
Delicious, by the way.

-No, yeah, well, you know...
-Thank you so much.

You're welcome, at least it
wasn't in the f*cking fridge

-where Jeremy left it.
-I honestly feel so bad for Alyssa.

She talks up Jeremy
like he's this cool guy

and he's so successful.

She... she acts like
they're this power couple,

but he's a f*cking loser.

I can't even stand the term
"power couple."

You know, it just annoys
the sh*t out of me.

Well, I mean, they're not,
you know?

Yeah, but I mean, regardless,
like, we... we work to live.

They live to work.

You know what I mean?
It's like pathetic.

Those kind of people
that just like...

they have this, like,
endless ambition.

Like, it's never
gonna be enough, you know.

They just want...
they want success,

and money, and like,
a nice house,

and all these things,
and it's just like, no.

Yeah, I mean, it's good to want
some things, you know?

I mean, I want things,
but like...

To have, like, goals and stuff.
But there's a limit...

-They're unhappy people.
-Yeah.

And that's because their level
of ambition is just unattainable.

I bet all they do
is talk about work, you know?

Totally.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Alright, I'm gonna call it.
-Okay.

-Alright.
-I'm right behind you.

Okay.

[door opens, closes]

[♪ Music playing lightly
on phone]

♪ I'm going down
to the railway station ♪

[reporter] Breaking news,
Lukas Landry found dead at 23...

-Oh, my God.
-...from a tragic -ATV accident.

-His breakout song...
-No!

[♪ "Help I'm Alive"
by Metric playing]

♪ I tremble, I tremble ♪

♪ I tremble,
I tremble ♪

♪ They're gonna
eat me alive ♪

♪ If I stumble ♪

♪ They're gonna
eat me alive ♪

♪ Can you hear my heart
beating like a hammer ♪

♪ Beating like a hammer ♪

♪ Help, I'm alive,
my heart keeps beating ♪

♪ Like a hammer ♪

♪ Hard to be soft,
tough to be tender ♪

♪ Come take my pulse ♪

♪ The pace is on
a runaway train ♪

♪ Help, I'm alive,
my heart keeps beating ♪

♪ Like a hammer ♪

♪ Beating like a hammer ♪