01x04 - Public Image Is Trash

[bunniefuu]

Okay, but seriously,

being the goldilocks of vegas
ain't it.

I got mono from kissing
three dudes.

H.
I lost so much weight

that I almost flew to florida
to get a bbl.

On my damn
alaska airlines miles.

Talking about you was going
to maya angelou-con.

[ imitating maya angelou ]
I am mother maya.

[ chuckles ]
and I know
why the caged bird sings.

Yes.
'cause it wants a fat a*s.

[ laughs ]
try and make those
cheeks clap.

Tweet. Tweet.
[ laughs ]

let's be real,
some women --

both: "hwhite" women.

Got whole-a*s careers
from getting a whole-a*s a*s.

[ laughter ]

so, what's the deal
with this costco card...

♪ feel the rain on your skin ♪

♪ no one else can feel it
for you ♪

♪ only you can let it in ♪

to stop,
for getting bbls.

Have bod-ody-ody,

they ain't sh*t...
Mm-hmm.

...Bu that's surgery --rve-

then y'all act like
she's fake.
[ laughter ]

it is so good.

Ay
that she seamlessly moves

between high- and low-brow
commentary, right?

She's like kimberlé crenshaw

meets "the real housewives
of potomac."

alright, that's it for us.
I will see you all next Tuesday.

I highly suggest
doing a deep dive

into the rest of her podcast
if you're not already fans.

Alright?
Have a good week.

Well, well, well.
Look who it is.

Llo, hello, hello.
[ chuckles ]

have you heard
of this podcast,

"everything's trash"
by phoebe hill?

Yeah, yeah. I've --
I've heard it. [ chuckles ]

she's actually
my sister-in-law.

How did I not know that?

Maybe because I made
a point of not telling you?

A.

Maybe because I made
what if phoebe joins usling you?

For the upcoming
sontag speaker series?

Sontag?
Yes.

You know,sure thing. [ laughs ]
yeah.Ou help facilitate that?

I am married to her brother.
[ laughs ]

I have her number.

I love it. Here we go!
Whoo!

♪

it was so strange.

Hearing phoebe's voice
in my pristine academic setting?

That's like putting a paper
hand turkey on a basquiat.

Stop.
You're ruining it.

Yeah, well, good...For...Her.

Because young folks love them
some phoebe,

ther.

Honey, wphoebe: Hey, y'all!
Mm, there they are.

Bro, what are those bobos
at the ends of your ankles?

Oh, you peep the loafs?
Yeah.

Yeah,
I stay in hard bottoms.

Hard bottoms
look like

an cain edition."
oh.

So, colleague, rumor has it

I might be getting a key
to the city --

an honorary degree --
ooh!

Maybe I'll get nominated
for a macarthur genius grant.

Relax. It's just
a run-of-the-mill,

regular
speaking engagement.

Unh-unh. Roxanne g*y
and nikole hannah-jones

did the serieyeah, but they're
published authors.

"podcaster" doesn't exactly
have the same ring to it.

Oop. Shade.

Oh, no, phoebe.
You're great, too.

So, how far down in the polls
are you?

Enough to matter,
and I'm the younger candidate.

It makes no sense
that they're gravitating

towards tom weaver
instead of ya boy.

Like a narc.

And you dress
like one, too.

So, maybe ditch
those loafs.

Oh! Exactly!

Thank you, my love.
Have dinner with me.

No.
She's close.

Anyway, it's kinda wild
that I'm a college dropout,

yet we're teaching
at the same school.

Oh, I wouldn't say
you're a teacher.

Uh, from dropout to dean.
[ gasps ]

that should be the title
of my memoir.
Mm-hmm.

Ng people,
they're not feeling you.

So, maybe we just mix up
your style.

My pitch -- we throw out
these toe bags.

[ scoffs ]
alright.

I mean, it seems like
a waste of time, but...Okay.

Great.
Now, how do you feel

about maybe pinning back
your ears?

You're the client.

So, lucky for us,
my boy ashton's going through

a very messy divorce,
lost the storage unit,

so we got multiple pairs.

You can't just wear one
all day.

You gotta switch it up.

Like, these are the shoes
you wear at the gym.

But just to steal the soap.

These are the ones
that you wear to meet

yo and she's like,
"you can call me mom."

hanks, lisa.
Mm.

Is there just, like,
a "sitting on a park bench,

reading james baldwin's

'go telthere's no way you've had
sex before.

[ scoffs ] I haven't.
I make love.

You stupid idiot.
[ scoffs ]

thinks you should wear.
You know, classic.

Nothing wrong with that.

But sometimes, you gotta go
behind wifey's back.

[ clatter ]

these are the ones that'll make
all of your dreams come true.

I cannot wear those.

That would be like
wearing somebody's

rent money on my feet.
[ chuckles ]

you want t.

Rent money olook at that.
Take a little whiff of that.

Yeah, why don't you go ahead
and get your face in there?

[ inhales deeply ]
give me the other one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put some of
your fluids in there.

Ooh, girl, your college got that
tickle-your-nose

kind of champagne.
I see you.

Pheebs, this c*ck hour

is more important
than the speech itself.

Yann is responsible
for everything good

that's happened to me here,
so...

Please don't make me
look bad.

Girl, don't worry.
I got you. I'm charming.

We're gonna k*ll this.

Mm. I hope so.

Oh, there he is.

[ light piano music plays ]

daaamn. b*tch.
You see his face?

He look like jon hamm
ate jon hamm.

Okay, focus.

Him.

Wh-- I'm sorry, what?

Hill.

Yann georges, head
of media studies department.

We are so thrilled
to have you here.

And -- and can I just say,

you are both of the culture
oand above it,

like a digital ouroboros.

That I like anything digital,
aww.Any which way.T

[ clears throat ]

noted.
Mm.

Hello, everybody.Ofessor wilk.

Another important person
in my department.

Is this our guest of honor?

Indeed it is.

Allow me to introduce
phoebe hill,

culture-maker extraordinaire.

Professor gorge, am I right?

What is your podcast
actually about?

"in the dark"
exonerated a man.

W-what is your contribution?

I-is there one?

Oh. Um. Look.

Tiny little meatballs
on sticks. [ laughs ]

thanks.
Yep.

You, professor...

Are trash.

Yeah. So is that lady
and that dude,

even these little meatballs
on sticks.

And it's only through
acknowledging it

and diving into the muck
that we even stand a chance

of surviving the dumpster fire
that is our world.

Or something like that.
I don't know.

Okay. Elaine. [ chuckles ]

e a nosh?

It was was l
bye, elaine.

Y impressive.

[ chuckles softly ]

do you, uh, by any chance
want to get out of here?

♪♪

um...

Yeah. Why not?

Yeah?
Sure.

Okay. [ laughs ]

[laughing] ha, b*tch!

Oooh.

♪

♪ I hate the city lights ♪

uyou know, sometimes, professors
so act like elbow patches

are a personality
and a nationality.

[ imitating [ laughs ] stop it!
I was kidding.

I had fun.

Yeah?
I'm glad. Alright.

♪ we can stay inside ♪

you know...

I'm just gonna
come out and say it.

I-I find you irresistible,

like to take you home tonight.

Mm.

I, too, would like
to see you naked,

but I think us hooking up
is #trifelife,

okay. Yeah.'s just keep I
completely understand.

Yeah.

Uh...

I mean...

We could make out
a little bit.

[ laughs ] okay.

♪ as you trace me
like an outline ♪

hine ♪

♪

mm.
[ inhales deeply ]

can you do something for me?

Maybe.

It's more like
say something.

Ooh.
Something dirty?

Can you recite the copy
from your ad sponsor?

Equest,

but there's just something
about the way

that you voice the mundane
that just --

♪

okay. Sure.
Yeah?

Yeah.
Alright, go for it.

Okay. Um...

Find your dream crib...
Yes.

...With padfindr.
Yes.

...With the code "phoebe".

Ooh. Oh, boy.

Wow.

You just...
[ sighs ]

yes.
In your...

I did.
[ breathes sharply ]

hi. Jayden hill. Running for
state rep, district 52.

Thank you so much.
Hi. State rep.

Running for district 52.
Jayden hill.

Oh, whoa! Whoa, whoa! I have
never seen anything like that.

Look at them shoes,
though!

This guy doesn't just make lov
okay, michael, calm down.

All good. The shoes speakpizza .

I'm gonna grab
some egg salad.

Okay. Alright.
Do that.

Oh!
Ma'am, I got that.

Just hold on a second.
[ water splashing ]

man: Why, thank you,
young man.

Ah, you're welcome,
young lady.

Uh...

Oh, no.

Hold on.
Okay, do not post that.

Oh, no.
I'm definitely posting it.

♪

what have you done?!

Mnh.

Hold up. Somebody with
that much education

is a fast blaster?
I know!

It was like mount vesuvius
erupting all over pompeii

in 79 a.D.

What? I know things.
I'm a teacher now, boo.

Drag my assanyway, jessiea

when I tell her the truth.

Uh-oh.
Here she comes.

Hey.
Hey.

[ sighs ] sorry I'm late.

Yann kept me on the phone
talking

about how fantastic
you are.

He says he wants
to get together

to discuss your lecture
in more detail.

Word?
Yes.

He keeps saying you have
all of these, quote,

"culture-shifting ideas".

If you nail this talk,
he'd probably vouch for you

on the speaker circuit
or something.

♪

yeah.

Would deny people

her culture-shifting ideas.
So, sure, I'll meet him.

Great. Okay.
Order your girl a char-char.

Oh, quit sounding like me.

Oh, I hate this.

It sounds like he's legit
interested in your work.

So, I don't know,
maybe just meet the man.

Yeah. I mean, mount vesuvz
can't blow twice

in one week, right?
Right.

City.

Just his khakis.
[ groans, laughs ]

someboand now tom weaver is --
is roasting me with it.

Here. Look.

S aren't my thing,
but if my opponent

can't take care
of his fancy new sneakers,

how can he take care
of his constituents?

Hey, victor? Two with kraut
and mustard, my friend.

That's exactly
what I order!

How you doing? Tom weaver.
What?

I like him.
This is absurd.

You're gonna be fine.
I know what we should do.

What?
You gotta quit.

I think you go
no. That's not who I am.

I am not buying
another pair of shoes.

I am gonna clean these up,

and I'm gonna make them
sparkle and shine,

just like brooklyn will
when I'm elected.

Okay, batman.

You're not helping.

So, I think I'm gonna sprink in
a little angela davis quote,

hood stats,

and of lil' kim'ss
"how many licks."

an, the way you shine
a light on the state of feminism

to be a full and flawed woman --
mm. [ smooch ]

write that down.
Mm-hmm.

[ amaria's "moon"
plays on stereo ]

♪

[ amaria's "moon"
♪ take me to the moon ♪

get that out of your way.
Mm-hmm.

♪ fly right next to you ♪

you want to do
something wild?

[ scoffs ] wilder than me
reciting ad copy in your ear?

Ooh!
Okay, cowboy.

I was thinking more of a --
a threeway?

Who's in this threeway?
Well, there'd be you.

Obvi.
[ smooch ] and me.

Duh.

Joy's podcast
on how the 1%

are k*lling public schools.
Joy: So, you know, we've got
these affluent school districts

with their rolling lawns
and their rules...

Okay, now, just -- just say
whatever comes to your mind

at any volume
right in my ear.

Okay, zero percent of me
wants to be here right now.

Bye, b*tch!

♪

but it is not
regular pothole juice.

[ cellphone rings ]

yann ain't whoey, p
you think he is.

He's got, like,
some weird podcast fetish,

but it's not my kink.

My mentor yann?

No, I didn't sleep with him.
The man spilled his cake batter

in the tin.

Oh, my god.
Phoebe, please.

No, no.

I think I'm gonna
not do the lecture.

Uh.
I mean...

You were right
when you said I didn't belong.

Y everything yann said

about my culture-shifting ideas
was garbage.

Like [sighs]
it was never about me.

He just wanted to smash anyone
who has a podcast.

Unbelievable.

Yeah. I know.

I knew you would come
into my workplace

and make everything messy.

[ scoffs ]

really? Really, b*tch?

You're no, I'm not blaming --
it's just --

look, you get to leave,
and I don't.

So, I have to deal
with this huge headache

-da life

like nothing happened.

That's what you have to say?

After everything
I just told you?

[ scoffs ]

this talk.

Phoebe...
[ sighs ]

your heaux a*s sister
just hung up on me!

Yeah, yeah, I heard, but, uh,
that's kind of the hill way,

hanging up on people.

That's how we know
we love each other.

[ chuckles ]
uh, th
jayden, for real.

She hooks up with my mentor,
then she bacand I'm the bad guy?

Does there have to be
a bad guy?

Maybe this story
is full of protagonists.

Look, you both were talking
past each other.

Yeah, because
she wasn't listening.

She messed up.

You know, your world
is tricky to navigate,

especially if
you're not from it.

She tripped up, called you
for some support,

and you really
didn't give her any.

Maybe you're right.

You know, now that
I've helped you,

it's your turn
to grab a rag,

[taps] and help me.

No, I gotta go fix this
with phoebe.

Besides, I kinda like
the way they look.

You're a politician.

You should have some
wear and tear on your shoes.

In the streets,

working for the people.

You wouldn't understand.

You're not about that life!

♪

so, you're really not gonna
do the lecture?

No.
And I don't care.

I don't belong there.
G--

oh, unh-unh.Ce
time out.

Eeling a type of way
about professor yann,

t everything he said
to you was true.

Mm, I don't know.
I do.

[ cellphone chimes ]

ugh!
It's jessie!

She's been blowing me up
since last night.

"please call me back.
Please."

unh-unh.
That's tm -- too much.

Yeah.

You okay?

Phoebe: Alright, jessie,
you wore me down.

What do you want?
Okay.

Give me 15 seconds.

I know
I messed up.

But here's the thing --
you should do this lecture,

not for me or yann, but because
you deserve to be there,

other people
think so, too.

I did it!

Okay, I'm sending you
something now.

Please read it.

By the way, pheebs --
yeah?

I owe you this.

[ whistles ] click.

♪♪
[ scof

[ cellphone chimes ]

student #1:
I cannot wait to see her!

Ah! She's my role model
and queen.

Student #2: She's probably
my mom's age, but she's dope.

Nice.

[ indistinct conversations ]

so, is she coming or not?

I don't know.

She was excited,
and then she wasn't.

Did something happen, yann?

[ snorts ] no.

Alright, guys,
I got a quick announcement.

Uh, we don't know if phoebe hill
is going to make it tonight.

[ crowd groans ]
I know. I know.

And, uh,
we don't know the reason,

and it is best not to dwell on
what the cause could be, so...

Phoebe:
Hi, you guys!

But you know a b*tch
likes to makayyy.T entrance.

[ cheers and applause ]

♪

[ cheers ]

[ laughter ]

eers and applause ]

thwhy I almostys,
but didn't show up tonight.Lai

I mean [sighs]
I just never imagined myself

being celebrated
at a place like this.

I mean
but if y'all want
to celebrate me,

then I should celebrate myself,

and not just with
a little analog sesh.

[ laughter ]

but seriously, the point
is that all of me --

the messy and the smart --
belong in any room,

and that goes for y'all.
So, be yourself.

Whether you're a journalist,
a filmmaker, a late bloomer,

an early bloomer...

No matter what it is,
embrace that sh*t

and be your damn self.

Hill out, y'all!

[ cheers and applause ]

♪

no way.
Yes, girl!

I'm telling you,
I was in nashville

and I'm telling you,
that man died 20 years ago.

Oh, so maybe it wasn't
waylon jennings.

Mm.
Ooh.

T us up on twit-ter,

and let us know
if you would smash

a real or fake
country icon.

That's malika jones,
I'm phoebe hill,

and everything's trash!

Just like that ♪

♪ so what, I like that ♪

-♪ so what ♪
-♪ I like that ♪

♪

♪ you can tell
by the way I use my walk ♪

hey. How's it going?

♪ music high and women warm ♪

♪ I've been kicked around
since I was born ♪

♪ it's alright, it's okay ♪

♪ you may look the other way ♪

♪ and we can try to -- ♪

[ music ah, ah!
[ horn honks ]

t.