01x05 - The story of an egg

[bunniefuu]

Let me tell you a little story about chaos. It begins with an egg.

And ends with a fight.

Khabib, Khabib!

- Slip!
- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey!

Deadline July 6.

Yes. But what is Anwar doing at the airport on June 5?

What is the purpose of the visit to Norway?

The purpose? I hear the fjords are beautiful, but unfortunately I don't get to see them.

- I'm on a business trip. - What type?

- Meat imports. - Of course. Kebabs.

If you get time, see the fjords. We are proud of them.

- Why? - Why?

Yes, why are you proud of them? You did not create them.

Mr. Anwar, then everything should be fine.

Thank you very much. You don't have a map of the area, do you?

Yes, of course.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

THE HALAL FARMERS

You're talking to me?

You're talking to me?

Are you talking to me?

- Adil, let me come first. - Brother! Relax. There is a queue.

I don't see anyone else here, so you must be talking to me!

If you have trouble holding on, go into the woods.

There are lots of ticks.

- Come on. Let me go first. - Then go!

- Anisa! What are you doing? - What is it?

Are people going to run off into the woods and get Lyme disease because you don't show consideration?

- I can see the queue is long. - What the hell are you going with?

- Why are you cursing? - You ruined "Taxi Driver" for me!

It wasn't from "Taxi Driver".

You talkin' to me? Of course it's from "Taxi Driver".

- "La Haine" refers to it. - Yes, and I made it from "La Haine".

- "Taxi Driver"!
- "La Haine".

"Ta..."!

Brother? Honest.

Adil and the chemistry order

Khabib, let's go!

- Hello! - Khabib.

What happens?

What? Can't you just say what it is?

- Can't you take her with you? - Can't her father look after her?

Obviously not. Kiki, you are going with Adil today.

I don't want to go with Asylum!

Kiki... Adil. Not Asylum.

Come, I'll tell you something. You know what? If you go with Asylum -

- I promise you'll be allowed to put hair clips in my beard afterwards.

Is that okay? Do we have a deal?

- Okay then. - May I also put something in your beard?

- What will you do to your sister? - Do not worry. I'll fix it.

It's starting to become a sitcom here. There are a lot of people here.

- See to it. - I have an idea. I'm doing it today.

The bucket! Yo, Bucket!

- Ja?
- You talkin' to me?

No.

What happens? What movie is it from? He says, "Are you talkin' to me?"

"Back to the Future"?

- I'll be back in an hour. - I should go back to Oslo.

We don't talk about it anymore.

Kiki?

Fair, right? Not Asylum. Thanks.

- I can not come. I am working. - Bonjour, Olivier.

A moment. Fair!

The plan was really quite simple.

Not.

Hello? Is my wife not at home?

Where in my house is the security alarm triggered?

- Bonjour, Olivier. - A moment. Fair! I trust you.

I have a burglar alarm, but I have to be here. I'm waiting for the chemistry order.

It all came and went with Olivier's ability to panic.

- So I can't... - Relax. Breathe.

If you want it, I can take the chemistry order.

Thank you very much. Hello? I will come as soon as possible.

Remember to lock the door.

- I'll probably have to be careful. - Thank you very much, Adil.

You don't have to thank. We have to help each other.

- Hello, Adil. - Hi Mikkel.

- Do you have a moment? - Not now. We can talk tomorrow.

- I thought I would do it today. - Do what?

I will tell my father.

Fine. Finally do it. Come on, United! Talk to you later.

Fair! Wait a minute!

- Wait, I said! - Hello. Pardon. I didn't hear you.

What are you doing?

No I...

I just wanted to practice the instruments before the concert next week.

Is it against the rules?

No, of course it's fine. I'm talking about Ingeborg.

Ingeborg had become angry, and this would lead to...

Ingeborg?

Because earlier that day Ingeborg had met Anisa.

- Do you need help with something? - No, we are waiting for someone called Adil.

- Adil, yes. - Do you know Adil?

Of course. She knows Adil.

We... He's a music teacher here, so everyone knows...

Is he a music teacher here?

- So you're his... - Yes, yes.

- Music teacher? - Thats it.

- What was it? - Ingeborg.

- Anisa. - Yeah.

After all, he said he wasn't married.

- I'll see you for sure. Take care. - Hello.

Follow along as Frøya asks Adil now.

- Has Ingeborg met Anisa? - Yes, and it's your ...?

- Yes unfortunately. - Unfortunately?

She wasn't supposed to come at all, and she can't live with us, so I thought…

- Whether she could live with Ingeborg? - Yes, or at your place. She pays rent.

What? It was incredible though!

You can't run here and pretend and then just turn a plate.

Who would have thought that Adil would make friendship between two enemies?

Later that evening

It wasn't really anything, and we didn't get along, but it's just...

He seemed cool at first.

I thought he was chill. And then he was just a real dog.

Not like Snoop Doggy Dogg or Nate Dogg. Only though.

Didn't he switch to "Snoop Dogg"? Or was it "Snoop DO double G"?

He switched to "Snoop Lion". No, now I don't even know his name.

I'm not saying rap in general is a bad influence, but maybe on some?

- Is it you? - Oh yeah...

If Adil had done that to me then, he would have gotten one on the lamp.

We do. Drive-by!

No, no, no... I've been drinking a lot.

- We are the police after all. - No, God... We can't!

It takes more than the two gangsters to create all the chaos that ensued.

The two fools here also contributed theirs.

They are happy that the police have finally woken up.

They say surveillance is not part of their job.

But deep down they are probably very happy with their little detective club.

They're just not always as invisible as they think.

- You're the bus driver, aren't you? - Yeah.

Otto! This thermos bottle keeps the coffee warm for 20 hours.

They weren't exactly focused on the same things.

After buying thermos bottles, binoculars and camouflage, it was sour -

- to see the officer and the headmaster pissed off and ready to throw eggs.

Earlier that day, someone else had had his own investigation.

Not me. Well, me too, but I'll get back to that.

I mean the one who has been following Khabib and Tariq all day.

Ham her.

Khabib, Tariq and the fertilizer

There you are. I was beginning to think you might not come.

The Pusher's haunt

- I guess I didn't catch your name. - We call him Khabib.

Khabib?

Are you on Facebook? Twitter? Snapshoot?

No.

- Just take care of yourselves. - Well, though...

I'll take one like that.

As I mentioned on the phone, we would like to buy some of your old fertilizer.

Or really the whole thing, if it…

I thought 1000 kroner.

Oh my god, the albums. I forgot the albums.

It was supposed to be an "in and out job". Get it cheap and off you go.

This is from the first year you were here alone.

It's from when your mother was a child.

But Sigurd was a better businessman than they expected.

My brother didn't mean it seriously. 3000.

- Do we have a deal? - You are certainly a real businessman.

- But there is nothing. - I have other things to take care of.

I'm trying, but there's really nothing.

Not even a room or a basement apartment?

I'm just going to tell you why Anisa didn't think it was so cool here.

Kiki? Fair, right? Not Asylum. Well.

- Can I help you with something? - Welcome to Norway.

You can take that off.
We don't wear that here.

- Smut med dig.
- What? I don't understand.

- "Understand"... - Your English is epic.

Your burka is epic.

It's not a burqa. It covers the whole face so you should try one.

- Clearasil has clearly not worked. - Shut up, perker!

If you were black, your pimples would be stars in a fine starry sky.

- What? - So you're rough?

- Yes are you? - What do you think?

- Step. - Hey! Damn it. Lars!

Enter! You have time. Now that's enough. In with you.

- Sorry about Lars... - Yes, that's how it is.

Anisa had probably grown tired of Adil's admonitions anyway.

- Then you must stay in a hotel. - Absolutely fine, as long as you pay.

I mean it.

- No! - Why not?

Hey darling!

- No not now. - Yes!

Okay, listen. I didn't do what I did because I was mad at him.

I really think it's perfectly fine that Khabib and Kiki have become friends.

- You pack and I'll drive you. - Fine.

- Is everything OK? - Do you have two minutes?

- I will be there soon. - Marwan? Salam alaikum.

- Hello. Alaikum salam. - Is everything well?

Yes, and what about you?

You have an incredibly talented daughter.

- Yes, she's a good girl. - She is really quick. Smart girl.

Beautiful. Thank you for looking after her. I hope it wasn't too much.

No not at all. She's so cute. No problems. We had fun.

- Anisa! - And?

Didn't I ask you to pack? Do it.

It was nice talking to Anisa, but I was thinking about Kiki and my assignment.

That's what I did to you when you were a little baby.

- I fed you with a bottle. - No, I got milk from mother's breast.

When mom had breast problems, I had to feed you with a bottle. It fits.

- I do not believe you. - Why would I lie about it?

- Because I can remember it. - No you can not.

How are they doing?

One little guy was a little weak at first.

But now they all seem to be doing well.

- Good. You're good at this, Bøtta. - Thank you.

Khabib! Shall we heal?

Go to your father.

Khabib, let's go!

Khabib...

The soldier from the police security service

We have had a grouping in our sights. Adil Yousef is a central figure.

So while the others were at work or picking up fertilizer...

But I was sure I wouldn't find anything.

I just thought: take a few pictures and send them. Then you have done your thing.

It's Marwan. There is only me here now. Yes.

Shall I send what I have or will you come? I have done my part.

Fine. Hello.

But I couldn't do that to Adil without being one hundred percent sure.

- Keep looking. - There is nothing.

- I have other things to take care of. - I've tried.

Hey darling. Came!

Here we are back to why I wanted two minutes with Adil.

Everything is alright?

You don't seem to be quite on top today.

What exactly are you guys doing here?

- Why are you here? - We look after Tariq's uncle's farm.

And then we have to make cheese. You know that. Why?

I was in to take a look at Khabib's room. No, that sounded wrong.

I was looking for Kiki.

And then I got in there, and then I found such a t*rror1st diary.

- I am joking with you. Relax. - Humor requires the other person to laugh.

Yes, why aren't you laughing? Have you seen the drawings in his room?

- Some blueprint... - Now you're paranoid. It sounds like that.

- You just saw some drawings. - I say that because...

He is a plumbing engineer. Khabib is an engineer.

He draws these kinds of drawings. That's his job.

- Imagine if Bøtta had seen it. - The bucket won't go in there.

Or Oline or the police security service.

Why would they enter Khabib's room? What happens?

Someone has to... Well, not for nothing -

- but three guys, one of whom is white, with a beard -

- has decided to go out on a farm and sort of just live…

Haven't we heard that story before?

Except it wasn't... I'm just saying...

That sounded wrong. I can hear that.

Maybe you should sweep your own door when you don't have completely clean flour in the bag?

Will PST come after three Muslims or someone who has kidnapped his daughter?

- PST has eyes everywhere. - Obviously.

The budget has long been exceeded.

You don't have to worry at all.

We are here to look after the farm. We seek a simpler life. Can't you understand it?

Had I been a PST soldier, or an agent, or whatever they have -

- and had come here and looked around a bit...

- Fortunately, you are not a PST soldier. - And fortunately you are not a t*rror1st.

You brat.

I wasn't entirely convinced.

But right there it didn't feel right to send those pictures to PST.

But at least I had enough to think about that night.

So.

- Is there anything new? - No.

g*dd*mn. Get down!

Who is it?

What is...

- It's Anders' car. - What the heck?

What the hell...?

Hi Adil. Can we talk for a bit?

Yes, brother. What happens?

have you cried What happened?

I did as you said.

I came out to my father.

Okay... Get out where? Here in the forest?

No, out of the closet.

Okay. Pardon. I'm not quite there. Did you install a cabinet? What do you mean?

I told my dad I'm g*y.

You are g*y?

I know you Muslims may be against h*m*.

And maybe you are too?

You're waiting for me to answer? Yes, we are one hundred percent against it.

Yes, no... I'm in.

- Why is he just sitting there? - What the hell ...?

Listen, Mikkel. According to my belief, it is a sin.

That's just how it is. I am against it.

But you know what?

There is a difference between being against something and being against someone.

We all live our lives, right?

I think everyone is judged individually, whether you believe in something or not.

I have no right to judge you. I am not capable of that at all.

So I think that... I hope you think the same.

I have to believe it, I believe it. Do you agree?

So if I have to believe it, I want to, then you also have to believe it, you want to believe it.

And then everyone else has to believe in it, they want to believe in. Not too?

Without us wishing each other harm or disrespecting each other.

May Allah forgive me if this is wrong but we have Prophet Lut…

Adil wants to show what he means with a beautiful picture -

- but to make the story of Sodom and Gomorrah short, the point is:

It is not in my hands. It is in Allah's hands.

Do you understand? I cannot judge you in any way.

That is not what my religion teaches me.

We don't quite agree, but I can hear you trying, so…

I try, I try.

Don't answer the phone?

- It's just a telemarketer. - You can block them.

Who are you?

- I am Adil's student. - He is my student.

He can't come home today, so he's staying here tonight.

I didn't know what a placenta was until last year. I thought it was layer cake.

- All mothers do that. - Hello. Who are you?

- Adil's student. - Do you want to practice the instruments?

- Yes. - I'm really hungry, Bøtta.

If it could go a little faster, that would be really nice.

- Are you leaving? - Yes, I'm moving to a hotel.

- But we have enough space... - Okay! We're driving now.

- Now the food is otherwise ready. - Shouldn't we eat?

We're leaving now, I said!

Ingeborg?

Hello. Hi Adil. And hello, Adil's wife.

- That guy? At least it's not me. - I am not married to any of them.

Fair! Stop cursing.

- Adil, I... - We can talk over here.

And. And and. Fint.

Is it him? Is that him the devil?

- Who the hell is he? - Now I'm going to f*cking k*ll you!

There you go. That's what I've been saying all along.

This is how it goes with Muslims in our society.

You never see this in advertising.

What advertisements?

Hey! Let's get all fired up now!

Now we relax and then we find out... What the hell is this?

And then there's her. Who comes running with an axe.

She had been sitting at home waiting for the result all day.

- Yes? - Can you check the burglar alarm?

There is no burglar alarm here. Yes, I'm at home.

Well, I don't know that.

Halal goat cheese receives this year's main award

I have to go. Hello.

- No no no! - Get down all the way!

- You two, what is it about? - I don't even know who the guy is.

- I am your girlfriend's father, you devil! - Who the hell are you talking about? This guy?

- You don't touch him, you h*m*! - Shall I knock you to the floor?

Can't we just relax now? What is it you want?

- I want my son back. - Is it you?

- Yes. - And do you want to go with your father?

- Yes. - Then I think you should do it.

Mikkel, I'm so sorry!

Just turn off the music.

Yes. Well.

And what was that with the egg?

Hate crime.

- Well, it wasn't! - We talk about it.

Ingeborg was extra insulted. She's always been into Tupac.

It has nothing to do with anything, but it did for her right there.

- And what's the matter with you? - I wanted to say congratulations.

Pardon? Congratulations?

You received support from Innovation Norway. So congratulations.

Alhamdulillah.

Then you can get it all done. It's absolutely fine.

What are you going to do with the axe?

A symbol. I thought we could dig it up together.

We bury the hatchet. Nobody holds a grudge.

- We haven't had a fight, have we? - Yes, in a way.

I thought I would offer you a collaboration.

But it's not urgent. Think about it.

We can talk tomorrow. So congratulations once again.

- Do you want the axe? - No thank you. Thank you very much for the help.

- Thank you, Oline. Talk to you tomorrow. - No, we don't...

Not tomorrow, but soon.

How are you going to get home without a car?

- It's mine now. - Now you mustn't have a heart attack.

Marwan drives Frøya home, and on the way back he picks us up.

- And we drop Anisa off at the hotel. - The hotel?

- Good night. - Good night.

By the way... Can I have the password for the internet?

But there is something a little strange here.

"Innovation Norway department Vestfold and Telemark hereby awards Nordigard -

- in the case of Knut Sørensen, a subsidy for beekeeping of DKK 100,000 -

- for the start-up of Telemark's first halal farm cheese factory."

- I did not write that in the application. - Halalostery?

- Is there halal cheese? - I do not know.

- You will probably feel better here. - Yes.

Thank you very much, Borgia. I really appreciate it.

- It is all right. No reason. - Thanks.

Eggs and bacon go well together.

- Yes? - I would... You don't eat bacon.

- Were you trying to be funny now? - No. Pardon...

Eggs are actually good for skin and hair, so thank you.

- I can just... He'll be here soon. - I can stand and wait with you.

- No. You just go to bed. Good night. - Good night.

By the way...

And?

You talkin' to me? What movie is it from?

- "Taxi Driver". Or...? - Completely true.

- Yes. Thats it? - I was just thinking about it.

- Hello again. - Hello. Good night.

It starts to get cold in the evening. Last year it was much warmer.

Almost too hot. And far too dry for the farmers.

Good thing it's not like that this year, because it's over the harvest...

Marwan, I got your message. It is important that you answer.

I don't believe you have nothing to report. Do the right thing bro.

We know something is wrong on the farm and we must have something in return.

Hurry here.

Is it him?

Not?