01x02 - Teeth

[bunniefuu]

‐But I love us. ‐I
love us too, Lils.

‐VAL: Out on a Sunday.

Rock and roll, ladies.

‐TATE: More like Pudge Patrol.

‐You're a monster.

‐Check out a mirror.

[Yelling] ‐Oh, sh*t.

I'm going to die at the hands
of a hottie with a body.

‐I'm Brutus. Long story short,

a portal to another
dimension was opened.

End of the world type thing.

‐Astrid! Now!

‐Take this! [Roaring]

‐LILLY: Ever since you
got cool and I got fat,

we haven't exactly been buddies.

‐Let's do this.

[Upbeat music]

‐ASTRID: Do my new superpowers

make my boobs look
bigger? [Lilly laughs]

I'm serious, look!

‐LILLY: Yeah, they
look really huge.

‐Ah, yes!

‐Ah, now that you brought it up,

do I seem more... tall to you?

Uh, graceful, even?

‐Definitely.

Like a swan!

‐Thought so! [Happy sigh]

Is it possible that our whole,

"we're super‐cool
monster hunters now" vibe

is actually gonna
make us seem cooler

and give us a little respect?

‐I mean, even though
we might totally die

trying to save humanity,

it's giving us an
edge! [Laughing]

‐Is it possible this week

is finally the week I
wear my shorts to school?

‐Definitely!

Is it possible this is the week

I finally ask Sparrow on a date?

‐Maybe!

[Laughing]

‐I cannot believe we
got "the" parking spot.

‐Maybe the world is finally
our oyster for a change?

‐Mm, yes, girl!

We're gonna get our groove on.

[Thunder cracks]

‐VARSHIDI: Ahh!

‐On second thought...

‐My office.
‐Principal's office.

‐But we didn't‐ ‐BOTH: Now!

[Upbeat theme music]

‐Mr. Varshidi,
if I could just‐‐

‐No, you may not!

‐It's just that, technically,

i‐i‐it wasn't us.

Even though, I
guess, technically,

it is because of us.

But, technically,

I think if you knew
the bigger picture,

then you would be rewarding us

i‐instead of punishing us and‐‐

‐What is, like,

technically wrong with you?

‐Can we just get on with this?

‐I don't even know

how you got that thing
to explode on us.

Was it some kind of magic trick?

‐Magic is social suicide.

Don't you two even
wanna try to fit in?

‐We're not magicians!

And, like Lilly was saying,
it wasn't technically us.

‐I expect this kind of
behaviour from Astrid.

But Lilly, really?

Anyway,

Michelle and I have discussed it

and we think a
suitable punishment

is the setting up
and tearing down

the annual Extracurriculars
Fair today.

‐You gotta be kidding me.

‐The fair? Seems fair to me!

‐Enjoy!

‐Good day, sir, ma'am.

And that is, uh, was, a
beautiful blouse ‐‐ dress!

Sir ‐‐ also ma'am.

‐This isn't how I
pictured day one of

"awesome monster hunters
return to school"

starting off.

‐Yeah. Ain't high
school grand?

Oh.

‐Looks like our pal, Brutus,
was kind enough to stop by.

‐I had a feeling we'd
be hearing from him

since the sky
rained monster guts

or whatever that was,

on Varshidi and
Señorita Snot Ball.

‐What's it say?

‐Mm...

"Dear Monster Hunters."

‐Mm, I do still love
the sound of that.

‐"Solar flares indicate
that a new entity

‐has breached the
realm." ‐You think!?

‐"Species currently unclear.
Meet me at my pad to debrief.

Here's the address."

Yikes, species
currently unclear?

That's kind of scary.

‐If you two are
done passing notes,

I think you have
a fair to set up.

‐Uh, yes, ma'am.

‐I hate this place.

‐ANDY: Oh, great!

Guess I gotta move all
the tables by myself.

‐Uh, we can move tables, too.

‐Sure you can!

Maybe in opposite land.

‐Is Andy one of the
monsters 'cause...

can we vanquish him?

‐Oh.

[Bright upbeat music]

‐Welcome to the annual
Extracurriculars Fair!

Remember,

everyone has to sign up
for at least one activity.

As your principal,

let me say

spread your wings.

Don't be afraid to
try something new!

Remember: fear in Japanese

is only another word
for opportunity!

Ah, yes, Eggs?

‐Is there a limit to
the number of hours

we can spend in our club?

‐Uh, no, but...

try to be reasonable!

Okay,

go shine, kids!

[Excited chatter]

‐ANDY: Get outta my
way, theater shrimp.

‐Hey, watch the hair, buddy!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

This is perfect!

This is exactly the
method training I need

to nail my Willy
Loman monologue.

‐You're such a
professional. ‐I know.

‐Hi. I'm Sal.

‐I'm Val.

‐DOUG: Welcome, welcome!

Look at all these smart faces!

‐TATE: Hey, Dad!

‐Shouldn't you be signing
up over there, son?

You need to bulk up like the
rest of your soccer friends.

‐Yeah, I just
thought it'd be cool

if we could hang, though?

‐You need to be
focused on the game.

‐Dad, I... ‐No distractions.

Get your a*s over there!

‐Wow, Tate's Dad
is a real chode.

‐Yeah, not super
surprising, unfortunately.

What should I sign up for?

Furniture Internship:
more like free labor.

Yearbook feels like
my natural choice

but I'm kinda freaked.

‐You should defs do yearbook!

You're an amazeballs
photographer.

I've never seen
better crime scenes.

‐I just don't want
to sign up alone.

‐I'll be totally fine.

You can join me

in the Stalking
Sparrow Seduction Club,

aka Dance Committee.

‐Yeah, I'm not super‐psyched

to spend any more time
with Michelle right now.

‐Look, you can totally do this.

You're talented,
and Jonas is, like,

the opposite of Michelle.

And...

I'll be there in spirit.

Oh, my God, go away.

Mom, what are you doing here?

‐Helping Christine
hand out bracelets.

More importantly,
Mr. Varshidi called me.

‐Oh?

‐That's all you have to say?

You got in trouble again?

‐It was a misunderstanding.
‐I'm sure it was.

I'm starting to think
that friend of yours

is a bad influence.

‐Lilly? She's
practically a saint.

‐You think this is funny?

‐No, I just, I‐‐

I didn't do anything
wrong and Lilly, she‐‐

‐I think it's time you signed up

for Christine's youth group.

‐Mom, you know I'm
not into that stuff.

‐Helen, I'm going to
pop out to the car

to get some more bracelets.
Do you mind stepping in?

‐What would Christ‐ine do?

Be right there.

Actions have
consequences, young lady.

[Pensive music]

[Sharp inhale]

‐Um...

I...

‐What?

[Nervous inhale, exhale]

Okay.

‐JONAS: Lilly!

‐Oh, sorry, are you all full?

‐No, no, not at all!

Happy to have you, and
your eye, on the team.

‐Really? ‐Yeah.

‐Thanks, Jonas.

[Excited chatter]

Oh, uh, hi, Candace.

[Dark music]

Pleasure as always.

Hi!

I thought I'd find you in here.

I did it! I signed up!

And Jonas was so nice,

like you wisely said.

Candace was a biznatch;

standard stuff.

‐That's great!

‐What's wrong?

‐Ugh,

my mom tore me a new one

and threatened me with

joining Christine's
youth groupies again.

And Sparrow saw the whole thing.

And then I tried to talk to him

but then I ran away
like a total weirdo.

‐Rome wasn't built in a day.

‐Yeah.

Rome also totally
crashed and burned.

‐I am so sorry to hear
about your daughter.

We are always on the
hunt for new recruits.

Door's always open!

‐I appreciate that.

Maybe it would do
Astrid some good.

‐Yeah, like I can talk.

My Candace signed
up for yearbook

with that Jonas character

after I specifically
told her not to.

‐Teenagers. ‐Ugh!

[Foreboding music]

Jonas, he's the one we
need to take care of.

‐Pardon?

‐What?

Nothing.

[Light airy music]

[Grunt]

[Sighs]

‐I can't believe Andy bailed!

‐Yeah, but...

he was right.

These tables are heavy AF.

We could have used his muscle.

‐Muscle‐shmuscle.

We did just fine without
his bonehead muscle.

But, like, not cool, bro.

[Boy screaming]

Andy, if you're
screwing with us,

I'm going to k*ll you!

[Low growling]

‐My leg is vibrating.

Ah! Is your nose
detector going off?

‐Oh!

[Roar]

Run!

[Heavy exciting music]

[Panicked breathing]

‐Wait...

It stopped.

‐Yeah, yeah, me too.

[Relieved sighs]

[Synthesizer chord]

[Screaming]

[Gasps] [Nervous breaths]

Well, I guess we know
why Andy didn't show.

‐Is that Andy's clothes?

And a skinbag?

‐What am I actually
looking at here?

I think I'm gonna be sick.

‐I mean, I hated that guy

but I didn't want
him to actually die.

‐Remind me again how
being monster hunters

is supposed to make our
lives better this year?

‐Are those pubes?

[Gentle music]

‐BRUTUS: So...

how do you like the place?

‐Ah, it's, um, uh...

‐My nightmare? ‐Quirky?

‐Yeah, it's pretty amazing.

Tonight, I begin
my Earth immersion

into everything

pop culture.

This place is about
to get so much cooler.

So, tell me again

exactly what happened
with Sparrow?

‐I wanna talk about
my goth hottie

as much as the next guy,

but you haven't answered
any of our questions

about skinbags, or...

‐Who the monsters are;

if we're in imminent danger;

if we should be trusting
you with our lives?

‐If those were
pubes, like‐‐ ‐Shh!

That can wait.

True love is the most
important thing in...

any dimension.

[Tender music]

So,

what you need to
do, is ask him out.

Nothing crazy.

Just see if he wants
to leap a few craters,

skin a Zordnuck.

Basic first date stuff.

Right! Humans.

I'm assuming that human boys

lack confidence just as
much as monster girls,

so...

grab the Brutus
by the horns, huh?

‐[Giggling] Why are
you so into this stuff?

‐Because love is a b*ttlefield.

Now, let's get to work.

[Upbeat exciting music]

Yep, those are skinbags.

‐Can we please stop
saying skinbags?

‐No. ‐No.

‐Okay, then.

So, the monster's name is Razor?

That doesn't sound safe.

‐It's not. It refers
to its 23,371 teeth,

which, coincidentally,

is the monster part

you need to retrieve
for the orb.

So here's the deal with Razor:

it appears in human disguise
and always as a woman.

But definitely be on the lookout

for women you do not recognize

and trust no one.

‐Great, I trust everyone!

‐Razor only feeds
off testosterone.

She needs it to live.

And she likes it young.

And Razor is also virtually
impossible to track

because your detector powers

only work when she takes
off the disguise to k*ll,

which means by the time you
get there, it's too late.

‐Oh, Andy!

We both had a quick
jolt of our sensors

and then they went away.

So, how do we find her?

‐Well, that's where your
patrol skills come in.

Oh!

And you'll need this.

‐Ooh! What is it?

Is it a flame thrower?

A cool invisible dagger?

Ooh, it's...

It's an oboe?

‐Oh, wow! So you
actually hate us.

I am not joining band!

‐It's an oboe?

It's a Borgati 2000.

And it's lethal AF.

[Snort laughing]

‐What, are we going to
play Razor to death?

‐Well, kinda.

I mean, you just need to put it
all together and figure it out.

Oh, and don't forget
to soak the reed.

‐Oh, gross.

‐All right, ladies,
this is where I boogie.

‐What a confusing fella he is.

‐Ooh, yeah.

[Birds chirping]

[Cheery music]

[Shutter clicks]

Mostly dudes.

A couple of chicks.

No new, strange lurking women.

‐What are you spying on, perv?

‐Uh, nothing; no one.

I am just learning
how to use my camera.

‐JONAS: Okay, kids!

Welcome officially
to Yearbook Club.

Now that you've all
got your cameras,

I want you to ask
yourselves one thing:

is life art,

or is art life?

‐More like fart life.

Lilly!

‐What? No! I‐I didn't say‐‐

‐Okay, jokesters,
enough of that.

I'll put you in pairs of
two for portrait practice.

Remember two things:

A: take risks,

find your artistic voices.

That goes for Yearbook Club

and for life. And B:

this is fun!

As Lilly helped point out.

‐Well, it wasn't me.

‐Okay, you two,
you two, you two...

and you two.

‐Thanks for that. ‐Any time.

‐You can, uh, go first,

I don't like my picture taken.

[Students chatter quietly]

Um, what are you doing?

‐Hello? Posing.

‐For who?

That's not the real you.

‐So, what do you
think is the real me?

‐Someone much
bitchier, for starters.

[Genuine laughter]
[Breezy music]

[Shutter clicks]

‐Yeah, Dad, I'll meet the
scout for drills after school.

Yes, sir.

‐ASTRID: Did you hear
what the homework was?

I honestly clocked
out at that point.

‐I don't know, maybe it was
Lord of the Flies or something.

[Nervous inhale]

‐Well, I think you
look really smart

studying the crown molding.

‐Shut up!

‐I think I saw a giant
animal in my yard last night.

‐Me, too.

‐Did you? Oh,
look, over there.

[Apprehensive music]

‐Yo! She just gave
me the weirdest look.

You think she could be Razor?

‐It's probably not
someone we've known

since the third grade.

‐Yeah, good point.

‐VAL: So stoked to be
starting my internship today.

Sally's gonna teach me
everything I need to know

about being a saleswoman.

Suck it, Joanne and Todd.

‐Going method is the most
important decision you've made.

‐I know.

‐...new toy. Yeah. [Laughing]

‐ASTRID: God, Derek's
as big a d*ck as ever.

Remember when he
pantsed me in gym?

‐He's the worst.

You okay, Eggs?

‐On the binary scale.

‐VAL: I need some peeps

to deal with the‐the
heavy furniture.

You know, while
I do my important

character study work.

‐Of course.

I'd offer to help, but

I don't want to
damage my instrument.

‐Oh, yeah, No, that's okay,

‐What about those guys?

‐Oh, yeah. Perfection.
Here we go.

‐Hey, guys. Hey! Hi.

‐Hello.

‐Hi, hi, hi.

Do you want to help me
move some furniture?

‐Uhh...

Okay, well, there's money in it

for your protein
powder, whatever.

‐If that's the case,

if you're looking for
the strongest one of us,

then that would be me.

‐Yeah, now that
Andy's animal bait.

‐Rest in peace, bro. ‐Oh, RIP.

‐Right, RIP. Um...

my people will be in contact
with your people, okay?

Cool? Awesome. Bye.

‐All right.

‐Yo, have you seen Cooper?

‐Last I seen him was
at your Mom's house.

‐No, really, he didn't show
up for lifting this morning.

‐Weird.

He never misses lifting.

‐Now, most people would tell you

to karate chop your pillows
on the top, like so.

‐Great.

‐Amateur hour.

The correct thing to do
is to chop on the side.

Hm? Yeah! Mm‐hm. Mm‐hm.

Here.

‐Mm‐hm. Mm‐hm.
Good. ‐Yeah. Okay.

‐This is method acting heaven.

I'm gonna nail this monologue.

That means no more getting
cast as the understudy.

‐Oh, anything I can do to help.

I know only too well what
it's like to be overlooked

for being tiny all your life.

We are going to make sure
that doesn't happen to you.

‐You are literally
the best, Sally.

‐Oh, h*, h*.

‐Sorry, do you‐do you think
I could borrow some of these

just to practice my
stage blocking and...?

Thank you.

‐Mm‐hm. [Laughter]

[Mysterious music]

‐I'm at a loss.

I guess I don't even know
what we're looking for.

‐Maybe someone like that?

Razelle.

Don't you mean Razor?

‐What are you doing,
hottie monster?

Let's tail her.

[Exciting upbeat music]

‐DEREK: Come on. Ah...

Why can't I do this?

[Grunts] [Sharp inhale]

Ah, uh...

[Dark music]

[Frustrated strains]

[Creaking]

Hello?

Yo, Cooper, is that you?

Huh, whatever.

[Sharp exhale]

[Grunts and groans]

[Approaching fast footsteps]

[Yelling]

‐Derek, get away!

She's gonna drain you!

Astrid, suck the reed!

[High‐pitched annoying noises]

Suck harder!

‐What are you doing?

Mom?

‐Mom?

Oh, sh*t.

‐What in God's name is going on?

Look, I'm not even gonna ask.

Just be grateful I
convinced her not to sue.

Hand over the oboe.

[Pensive music]

Not sure why you would steal
an instrument from orchestra

or why you would attempt
to include such an odd item

into your little magic tricks.

‐We're not magicians!

‐We didn't steal anything‐‐

‐And you skipped last period.

Look, I don't know what's
going on with you two,

but you're gonna think
about your actions tomorrow

when you're on trash duty.

[Sigh]

[Dark music]

[Crickets chirping]

‐And the snake was expelled

[Door closes]

from Paradise and
peace was restored.

‐Who are you talking to?

‐Hm? No one.

How was school?

I‐I didn't know
you were coming by.

‐Yeah, I just forgot my, uh,

yearbook camera in the rec room.

I'll see you at home.

‐Yearbook?

Tell me,

[Ominous music]

where are we on our
little Jonas problem?

‐WHISPERING VOICE: It
won't be much longer.

[Relieved breaths]

‐Thank you, my sweet angel.

‐I am here to serve,

just as you are here

to serve me.

‐Are you okay?

‐Oh, yeah, sure, it's just
a little warm in here.

‐Oh, good, it's Derek; he's
gonna help rotate the shelves.

‐Yo.

‐Ah.

Uh, Val,

could you run and
get me a coffee?

I... I just need
some caffeine.

‐Sure. Yeah. Oh...

Sales call lessons
when I get back!

‐Derek, is it?

‐Yeah.

‐You're very strong.

‐I guess, yeah.

‐Would you help me move this?

‐Sure.

‐Yeah. ‐Yeah.

[Contemplative music]

‐How do I know if
I'm any good at this?

‐Don't know.

How did Rosalind Franklin know
DNA can exist in two forms?

[Shutter clicks]

[Chuckle]

‐You and your big, tall muscles

just had to come and...

help little old me.

[Ominous music]

‐If, uh,

you could just
move, I could, uh...

‐You're so...

big and powerful.

[Laughing]

[Deep sniff]

Oh... [Sniffs]

‐Did you just sniff me?

‐Oh, because everyone wants
to sniff your big muscles?

‐What? I, uh... [Laughing]

‐What?

You're looking at
me like I'm weak

and insignificant.

[Laughing]

[Grunting]

[Furniture legs scraping floor]

Oh, h*‐h*‐h*‐h*...

[Straining]

Mmm...

Mm. [Laughing]

‐Oh!

What is that?

Looks rank.

I think it might
be a dead animal.

[Animalistic growling]

[Sniffs] ‐Hey, Lils?

‐Mm‐hm?

‐Do you smell vinegar?

‐No.

sh*t.

‐Bet you're not feeling
very powerful now, are you?

‐Is that a senior class ring?

‐Ah! Oh, sh*t, I‐I think
it's happening again,

like‐like right now.

‐Holy sh*t.

Is that a varsity soccer patch?

‐How do we stop it?

‐Cooper?

[Roaring]

[Screaming]

[Crunching] [Squelching]

[Gagging] [Coughing]

[Crunching]

[Inhale through clenched teeth]

‐Ohh. [Burp]

[Door closes nearby] Ahhh...

‐Sally... ‐Mm‐hm?

‐Ah, I feel so much better.

Derek was very
helpful. [Chuckles]

If you have any
other big friends,

I'd love to eat‐‐ meet...

them. [Chuckles]

‐Yeah. Okay. [Laughs]

‐FRICK: Eggs, you sure
you're cool to lock up?

‐Oh, yeah, sure.

‐Wow...

what is that?

String pattern?

Hey, Frick!

[Car door closes, engine starts]

[Door closes]
[Gasping, coughing]

‐Oh! Whoa, whoa! Who died?

Oh, bad joke?

I'm sorry. Too soon?

‐Hey, this blows!

If we're never gonna
get to Razor in time

to stop her from k*lling,

then why are we here?

How are we supposed
to save the world?

‐Yeah, I thought
being monster‐hunters

was supposed to make us
feel better, not worse!

But, turns out, I'm not
good at being a teenager.

I'm not good at
hunting monsters.

I'm not good at anything!

‐Oh, my God, we
really are losers!

‐Guys, guys, guys!

You've, like, only just
started doing this, okay?

What, you thought
you were gonna go

from high school girl to master
monster slayer overnight?

Come on! No!

And, besides,
Razor is a toughie.

Now, there's a reason you
were chosen to do this.

Mostly because you were the
ones who opened the portal,

but, also, because...

you have something
that no one else does.

‐We do?

[Tender music]

‐Yes.

Ahh...

You...

have the unique perspective

of unfairly being
labeled as losers

so you got really good
at looking at people

from the outside.

So, consider yourselves lucky.

[Chuckles]

It's gonna help you now.

‐I mean, I guess
we are pretty good

at spying on people.

‐And our detective skills
really are supes deece.

‐I mean, they don't call us
Pudge Patrol for nothing.

‐Mm‐mm. ‐ What the...?

‐Now,

repeat after me:

I...

am strong and capable.

‐Hm, Brutus, I‐‐

‐Just say it!

‐I am strong and capable.

‐I am smart.

‐I am smart.

‐And I'm gonna go
full Pudge Patrol

on these monster mofos.

‐And I am gonna go
full Pudge Patrol

on these monster mofos.

♪♪ FEMALE RAPPER: Bad girl
And I mean business ♪♪

♪♪ But I'm that girl ♪♪

♪♪ I only hustle
with the queens ♪♪

‐Notebooks?

‐Mmm. Check.

Camera?

‐Check.

Super secret CIA‐grade
recording device leg holsters?

‐BOTH: Check.

‐EGGS: Feel like you
guys are up to something.

‐No, we're not.

‐Well, what's that
wrapped around your legs?

‐Tampons.

‐Trash duty,

AKA Spesh Ops Clue
Hunt commencing...

‐Now!

♪♪ FEMALE RAPPER: Who thinking
that we can't hack it up ♪♪

♪♪ Who thinking that we
fronting up, up, up ♪♪

‐Gross.

‐What is she looking at?

♪♪ You won't win 'til
you switch teams ♪♪

♪♪ Clap it up For
the boss one time ♪♪

[Rap music ends abruptly]

‐Okay, Cooper, give us a clue!

‐Uh, nothing conclusive
other than the explanation

behind his rock‐hard thighs.

‐Rock hard what?

‐Uh, oh... Rock‐hard

size.

Mograph...

For science class.

‐Uh‐huh.

Huh.

Okay.

["Who Run It" by Tamara
Bubble plays again]

♪♪ Here come the trouble
Bring on the drama ♪♪

♪♪ We hold the power
Do what we want ♪♪

♪♪ Who run it, run it
Who run it, who who ♪♪

♪♪ Who run it, run it We do ♪♪

‐Okay, come on.
Just try not to‐‐

[Clattering and clanking]

‐Yo, where's Derek?

He better not miss
the game later.

‐Oh, right! The game!

‐Oh, yeah!

[Plastic crinkling]

‐Well,

no skinbags here.

‐No what? ‐Uh, nothing.

Hey, wh‐when did
you see Derek last?

‐Dunno. Yesterday at school?

‐Ouch! Oh!

‐Goddammit, it's
happening again!

‐Oh!

‐You chicks are
weirder than I thought.

‐I guess these attacks
aren't only happening

in the weight room.

‐So, then, how the
hell do we figure out

where they are happening?

[Dramatic music]

‐Nothing's here in
the props storage.

‐Okay, this is getting
kind of embarrassing.

[Sigh]

‐Do you see this?

‐Skinbag remnant.

Holy sh*t!

Is Razor the props lady?

‐Prop lady's been here forever.

‐Right.

What are we missing?

Oh, I don't think
this one is fresh.

Maybe there's a clue
in the skinbag pubes...

Whatever they were...

I have an idea.

[Numbers beeping]
[Line trilling]

(Voice disguised as male)
This is unit one‐one‐three

following up on the
animal attacks APB.

Were there any consistent pubi‐‐

I mean fibers found
at the scenes?

What in the hell kinda
animal are we talkin' here?

‐MALE OFFICER:
Roger, one‐one‐three.

The responding units found
multiple reddish hairs.

Chief thinks we're looking for
some sort of roided‐out fox.

Over.

‐Reddish hairs?
Nice work, officer.

Now, one more thing.

Psst, Tate! Tate!

‐Psst! ‐Psst!

‐Hotbuns!

‐Jesus.

‐What are you guys doing?

I really don't think
it's a good idea

for us to be seen
together after last week.

‐Guess what? Neither
do we, cool guy.

But we need your help.

‐In exchange for keeping your
little kidnapping secret.

‐Look,

"guy who disappeared because
he went rock climbing,"

as you can guess, there
isn't a wild animal

eating your friends.

And unless you want your
muscley bros to disappear

one by one, you'll help us out.

[Pensive music]

‐I'm super freaked
out right now.

I just passed three
crying freshmen

heading into the bathroom.

‐Soccer star and
sensitive protector?

Ha‐ha.

You remind me of a younger me.

Sometimes it's best
just to let freshmen

work out their
traumas on their own.

‐Ah, one of them mentioned
listening to Enya.

‐Shepherd Moons? Or
A Day Without Rain?

‐Uh, the second one?

‐I'm on my way.

‐Can't believe that worked.

All right, here's
your weird oboe.

Can I get back to
soccer practice now?

‐Thank you. This
was super helpful.

‐All right. ‐Hey, Tate?

Um, speaking of soccer...

I heard what your dad said

and I just wanted to say...

that sucks.

My mom doesn't get me, either.

[Tender music]

‐Okay, yeah, whatever.
Later, dorks.

‐We'll get through
to him some day.

‐Or not.

Okay, walking us
through one more time.

‐Mm‐hm.

‐We know the mons‐perp
has red hair.

‐Yeah. ‐That's huge.

‐And we know that the
testosterone‐iest guys

in school are gonna be
at the soccer game today.

‐Well, that's where I'd
be if I wanted dinner.

Amongst other things.

‐Exactly.

Okay, one: we have
to scope the crowd.

‐Yes. ‐Two: find the hair.

‐Three...

Oboe this mofo!

‐Nice.

[Cell phone chimes]

‐ Uh, hi, Mom! I'm
gonna be home late,

just, uh, finishing studying.

‐I got another call
from Mr. Varshidi.

Again, Astrid!?

‐It was another
misunderstanding.

‐Astrid Esther,

stop lying.

What has gotten
into you lately!?

You come home right now!

You're grounded.

[Gentle music]

[Excited chatter]

[Referee blows whistle]

‐Still no redheads.

Minus Christine, but
she doesn't count.

But, man, she
seems pretty pissed

that Candace is taking
yearbook pics for Jonas.

[Indistinct conversation]

I just hate doing
this stuff alone.

I feel so exposed.

‐ASTRID: You're not alone.

And you've been doing awesome.

[Tender music]

[Shutter clicks]

[Referee blows whistle]

[Relieved sigh]

‐Thank God.

Bad news: I think
we're at a dead end.

Good news: it mean I can
get the hell outa here.

‐Who are you talking to?

Your girlfriend?

‐She's not my‐‐

What are you even doing up here?

Aren't you supposed to be

taking pics for
the winning team?

‐Shouldn't you be?

Um...

Had to get away from my mom.

You know, good ol' Christ...

ine.

‐Yeah, she's been
pretty intense lately.

What's her deal?

‐I don't know.

I know she wants
to ruin my life.

[Nasal exhale]

Crap, I forgot to give
Jonas back his camera.

Um,

I'll be right back.

‐Oh, um, okay.

[Tender music]

‐ASTRID: Ew!

Was that Candace?

‐Yeah, just yearbook stuff.

Okay, uh, one last look.

[Tense music]

[Boom] [Chuckle]

What the...?

Okay.

I might be nuts,

but I could have sworn I
just saw furniture lady's

teeth glowing.

‐Okay, I got the closeups.

If you got wides,
I think we're good.

Got a cool one of
stupid Tate, but...

I don't wanna use it.

‐Trouble in paradise?

‐Just annoyed. You know,
we were supposed to hang

after the game, but he
just cancelled on me

for the lamest reason.

‐That sucks.

‐Yeah, he told Valerie

he'd help here move her
crap for her internship.

Lame, right?

‐Oh, my God!

The pillow in drama class!

Uh‐uh...

The skinbag.

Tate's been powerlifting.

Oh, it makes sense!
It's furniture lady!

She's brunette, but...

‐Duh!

They weren't hair fibers,
they're fur fibers!

‐Crap!

She's gone.

‐I'll meet you at HQ.

‐What are you talking about?

‐Um, do me a favour?
Get Tate to cancel.

‐Why? ‐Just do it.

I'll explain later.

‐Fine.

Jeez, you're a lot
bossier than I remember!

[Brooding music]

Okay.

[Shutter clicks]

‐CHRISTINE: Let's go, Candace!

[Tense music]

[Cicadas chirring]

[Phone buzzes]

‐Sally!

Sally, my friend flaked
at the last minute

so it's just me tonight.

‐Oh, that's a shame.

I...

really wanted you to
nail that monologue

and...

feel what it's like
to not be overlooked.

‐Sally, you don't look
so good. Are you‐‐

‐No.

But...

[Menacing music]

Unfortunately...

you do.

‐What?

[Scream] [Roar]

‐Astrid, quick! The Borgati.

‐Oh, my God!

[High‐pitched squeaking]

[Roar]

‐Ahh...

‐Thank God we got here in time!

[Slow exhale]

‐Hi, girls. ‐Astrid,
don't stop playing!

‐Wait!

Are you sure that's
what you want?

‐Oh, we are sure.

‐Look,

I know you've got a job to do.

I know you want the world
to be a kinder place, but...

Think about it.

Those boys...

Those cruel,
muscle‐ridden boys...

Do they really make the
world a kinder place?

‐That's not the point.

‐Isn't it?

Wouldn't we be better off
without bullies like that?

‐Yeah, but...

That's not wh...
[Confused breaths]

‐You have the power
to make that happen.

This is your chance.

I mean, who have you been
taking orders from, anyway?

Brutus?

[Laughs]

I mean, what do you
really know about him?

Oh, look...

Ah...

I didn't want to

hurt Val.

I adore Val.

She's just like us.

Overlooked for
superficial reasons.

But if you work with me,

we can get rid of the bullies,

manipulators,

cruel tormentors.

Aren't you sick of
everybody always telling you

what you need to
change about yourself?

Underestimating you?

What do you want?

[Tense music]

Hm.

‐Excuse us a second.

No sudden moves!

[Sucks teeth]

Does she have a point?

‐I mean, what she
said about Brutus...

What do we actually
know about him?

We've been blindly trusting
him and he's a monster.

‐He's been helping us, right?

‐Yeah. ‐With all this stuff.

And with Sparrow.

But, I mean...

I guess we don't
know him‐know him?

‐Yeah, and we definitely
don't know her.

‐I thought the whole point
was to get rid of the bullies?

‐Totally.

But then doesn't that
make us the bully?

Do we want to be them?

Or do we want to be us?

[Upbeat music]

[Sally whispering indistinctly]

‐Oh, sh*t! ‐SALLY: Oi!

[High‐pitched notes]

‐Oh!

‐Ow! My ears!

‐Don't stop playing!

[Maniacal laughter]

[Pained moaning]

[Screeching]

[Squelching]

[Silence]

‐Oh.

‐Note to self:

don't get sweet‐talked
by monsters.

They're still monsters.

‐Two down,

eight to go!

‐Oh...

Okay.

Yeah. Ugh..

Yeah, hoh...

Okay.

‐One set of slimy ‐‐ ew ‐‐
razor teeth for the orb.

‐Can I just toot our own
horns here for a second

and say we pieced
this all together

using our own homegrown,
frickin' detective skills.

‐Maybe we really
can save the world!

[Chuckling]

‐Okay. ‐Whoo.

‐Oh, yeah. ‐You're good?

‐Oh, thanks. Okay.

‐Whoo! ‐Okay, let's go.

[Upbeat music]

I am freaking strong,
smart and capable.

‐A‐fricking‐men.

‐Guess what I'm wearing
to school tomorrow?

‐Really? ‐Mm‐hm.

‐Oooh! [Laughing]

‐Oh, crap! Val.

‐Oh.

[Whoosh]

[Happy gasp]

‐Cute shorts. We should
take your portrait today.

‐Oh, um, yeah, sure.

We can do that. Thanks.

‐That was weird.

But she's right:
you look adorbs!

‐Mmm!

(Whispered) You got this.

[Buoyant music]

‐God, you're hot.

That's not what I meant.

You know what? That‐that...

actually totally
is what I meant.

Also, I‐I think you're
really interesting.

And I like you.

Whoo...

Do you maybe wanna
go out with me?

Like on a date?

For when I'm done being grounded

for a million years?

‐So, this is why

you've been acting
so weird with me?

Well, I hate dates.

But, yeah.

Yeah, I'll see ya around.

[Footsteps receding]

[Bright music]

[Relieved sigh]

‐Nice going.

[Silent mouthing]

‐I'm sweating! I'm
sweating! [Lilly giggles]

‐Did you see that? ‐Yeah.

‐You saw the
whole thing? ‐Yes.

‐He said‐‐ ‐I know.

‐It was amazing
'cuz I was, like,

"Oh, do you want to
go on a date with me"

and he was, like,
"Nah..." Then he said yes!

‐Oh, my God.

Oh!

‐Awesome work, monster hunters!

One step closer.

P.S. Stay tuned.

And wary.

‐Great.

So, I think we need to have
a little chat with Brutus

about what Razor said about him.

‐You have to do an
internship like I did.

Sally thanked me on my last day

by giving me a surprise facial.

It was so relaxing, I
literally passed out.

Look at my skin. Look at it!

‐I can't with that rosy glow!

‐LILLY: Wow, Val has quite the
coping mechanism for trauma.

Do you wanna come with me
to bring this film to Jonas?

‐Sure. [Locker closing]

‐God, you know, I think
I really am good at this.

‐Mm.

‐Oh! Uh, hey, Frick.

Where's Jonas? I
gotta drop this off.

‐I guess Jonas
didn't show today,

so Varshidi asked me
to sub in for him.

‐Oh, okay, weird. Um, thanks.

[Pensive music]

You don't think that‐‐

‐I know you're up to something.

I just don't know
what it is yet,

but I think it has something
to do with the solar system.

‐For the millionth time,
we're not up to anything.

And definitely not anything
to do with the sky.

‐Well, I have some information.

Just thought you should know

I saw an unidentified
cosmic string

above coordinates
41.3684 degrees north,

82.1079 degrees

west.

‐You know, we're
definitely not interested

in that information.

[Upbeat music]

What were the coordinates again?

[Upbeat music turns dark]

[Whoosh]

[Dripping liquid]

[Fizzling]

‐VOICE: It's working.

[Evil laughter]

[Closing theme]