01x06 - Wake

[bunniefuu]

What's happening, Boss?

Singapore just closed

our Austra-Asia branch.

And you know what you need, Maddie?

A kite flyer.

That's Rob, right? Or Dylan.

Are you back in Australia?

VJ's a cr*cker.

I haven't met Maddie's parents yet.

Maddie, you just sent that

to the group.

Just get out, Dylan.

You've all been locked inside for,

what, six weeks and you've gone mad?

You know this is my life.

Soph

No. No. No.

Laters, haters.

Um that was Dad.

Mum's been taken to the ICU.

Maddie.

Are you outside the apartment?!

Maddie, can you just come down,

please?

(DOOR BUZZES)

What is he doing here?

I have no idea.

I just need one minute.

One minute, please.

How does he know where we live?

Maybe he's in trouble.

I mean, he's an alcoholic.

Right.

You obviously want to go down there.

So don't let me stop you.

No. That is not what I want.

(DINGING)

What do you want Maddie?

(DOORBELL BUZZES)

Leave me alone. Not you.

Yeah. Clearly.

f*ck.

Maddie

It's Lou. She's dead.

Right now, now

Now

Right now

Right now

Now

Right now

Now

Right now

Now

Now, now

Right now

Now

Right now, now

Now

Right now. ♪

What's up guys?

Someone die?

Ah, Rams, how are you?

Drink.

Oh. Are we really doing this?

Mmm.

I think we're going to need

a lot more booze.

No. The email was very clear.

No leading questions.

No puppy dog eyes.

No sympathetic tones.

My wake, my rules.

But I just want to know how you are.

Drink! Another drink.

Keep going, we can do this all day.

But seriously, I'm really

disappointed in all of you.

Black?

What kind of basic b*tch convention

is this?

Give Lou some colour for f*ck sake.

Come on!

OK.

You're moving?

Surprise.

We clearly have a lot

to catch up on.

How was living with your dad?

Nuh. Drink.

Depresso martini.

Their internet connection

is, like, nonexistent.

I don't know how they live.

Well, I guess they don't.

Don't.

It's how we are doing this, deal?

Deal.

Uh-hah. Come through wake-chella.

This is what I call

making an effort.

Mmm. The flower crown,

and Dylan's statement eye look.

Yes. What is going on

with Dylan's eye, Maddie?

Um

Snap.

Do you guys have the same stylist?

Maya's got great taste.

Rams, question.

On notice with no leading intent

or sympathy.

How was the funeral?

Very exclusive.

Only 10 people allowed,

no hugging, no touching.

Just like a regular family reunion.

That eye, though.

Oh, yeah. I Thought it would

match the dress code.

I'm going for the smoky eye look.

So, Rams, how was the eulogy?

Mmm. It was great.

I just did a freestyle rap.

Really?

No, go f*ck yourself.

I know sentimentality

is not my thing

and what I'm known for,

but I think it kind of worked.

Can we hear it?

Yeah. OK.

I'll read it.

But any tears and I'm logging off.

Right?

OK.

Welcome to the inaugural meeting

of people who Lou Jones

called a c**t.

(CHUCKLING)

If there is anything that Mum

taught me, it's forgiveness.

So today I'm going

to talk about that.

Mum, I forgive you

for making every Christmas

a stage for your unprocessed anger.

I forgive you for throwing

a sausage roll at the principal

at my Grade 2 working bee.

You were wrong,

he didn't have it coming.

But great shot, it was worth it.

Classic Lou.

Mum, let's be honest,

you were always a f*ck up.

You even f*cked up staying alive.

This world is packed with people

who are full of sh*t.

And you weren't.

That's it.

To Lou.

To Lou.

ALL: To Lou.

OK. Now, let's get wasted

like your mum just died

and tomorrow you have to figure out

how to put her Facebook

into memorial mode.

Whoo.

That is the plan, Rams,

but before that, we've got

a little surprise for today.

For you. Well, for Lou.

Oooohh strippers?

I wish.

Maybe later.

Oohhh

And you may ask yourself

What is that beautiful house?

You may ask yourself

Where does that highway go?

And you may ask yourself

Am I right, am I wrong?

And you may say to yourself

My God,

What have I done?

Letting the days go by

Let the water hold me down

Letting the days go by

Water flowing underground

Into the blue again

After the money's gone

Once in a lifetime

Water flowing underground

Same as it ever was

Same as it ever was

Same as it ever was

Same. ♪

Ooh, oooh, ooh

Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

Oh, I thought I told you no tears.

OK. Next on the itinerary,

Rob and Dylan,

you have to lip-sync

for Lou's li-i-i-fe.

(LAUGHTER)

Yes.

Romulus.

Thank you. Thank you.

And that was my acroballet routine

upon Sophie's request.

Thank you.

Now I'm off to get some more drinks.

He's going to totally crash

after this, right?

I mean, the grief, adrenaline,

that's gonna peter out eventually.

Yeah. I think we all need to be

on 24-hour Rams care.

Um, Soph

..about the other night

..we've been absolute shitheads.

Yeah.

Through this whole pandemic.

Actually, before that really.

I guess when you got sick,

Soph, we didn't realise

that, um

I wouldn't get better?

Well

Yeah. Neither did I.

Chronic illness, it is a head f*ck.

OK.

Like, I can't believe

I'm gonna ask this, but

let's fail the Bechdel test

together.

Maddie, what the hell happened

the other night?

Arrgh! Wait for me!

Really? Here? Now?

The email strictly said

no non-Ramsay-related drama allowed.

Yes, here. Yes, now.

This is Ramsay related.

I'm pretty upset you dumped Rob

without telling me,

that break-up was kinda my thing.

Well, actually, he dumped me.

Scandalo! The pushover pushed back.

Where are you going to go?

Oh, Glen's got an empty Airbnb.

If the ATO turn up, I just have to

pretend I'm a squatter.

OK. And now

what about the black eye?

Mmm.

Did Rob punch Dylan?

No.

What?! Dammit.

I mean, yes. Good. Toxic

masculinity, that is the worst.

Isn't it?

So, is Dylan back on the menu?

Didn't you spit that leftover out?

Earth to Maddie?

Does Dyl's dickle

still tickle your pickle?

Guys, I have to make a call.

Um. Yeah I'll just be a minute.

It's Dyldo, isn't it?

I'll just be one minute.

You have to tell me,

'cause you know my mum just died.

Finally.

Hey.

Hey, yourself.

Look. I'm sorry

about the other night.

But you can't keep doing this to me.

What?

You've really been

f*cking with my head.

I have been f*cking with YOUR head?

See, Ingrid thinks that

you're afraid of commitment

and so you're drawn to someone

who's more afraid than you are.

And that's you?

Who the f*ck's Ingrid, anyway?

What happened to Katia?

Ingrid's my sponsor.

OK. Well, maybe you could get Ingrid

to give me a call,

so she can run me through

her thoughts on my life decisions.

Right. Well, see

the thing about Ingrid is,

I don't agree with what she says

almost ever.

In fact

I've tried to get a new sponsor

but apparently

you can't just trade them in.

It's a shame.

OK. Cool. Cool. Cool.

What has this

got to do with Ramsay?

Come to Melbourne with me.

What?

Going to London and leaving you was

the dumbest thing I've ever done.

And I've done some dumb sh*t.

What are you talking about?

I've got Mum's old Mazda,

I'm packing it right now,

and we're going to

drive to Melbourne tonight.

We can help Ramsay

with his funeral come-down.

Why not?

You don't have a job.

You don't have any family here.

And Rob is clearly a dumb idiot.

He's not an idiot. In fact he's

literally the opposite of idiot.

Well, he let you run away.

I'm not running away, Dylan.

I don't just run away

when things get complicated.

South Korea, much?

That is not what that was about.

I know you, Maddie.

We are exactly the same.

But this time

we'll be running together.

Or maybe a light jog.

Or a pleasant stroll.

If you will.

What happened to your eye?

Well, I was trying to save

this damsel in distress

atop an ivory tower

and her rich-arse boyfriend

punched me in the face.

What?

No. Just joking.

I sleep walked

into Jane's edible plant wall.

The basil

(LAUGHS)

..really had it in for me.

Ah

There she is.

We used to have so much fun.

Are we even allowed

to drive down to Melbourne?

Sure.

You don't know, do you?

Well, I'm leaving in two hours,

so let me know.

Jesus.

Hey, Maddie

Now, tell us, who was it?

Uh, no-one. Just a job thing.

You're applying for jobs.

Well, I'm more

kind of just got offered one.

What what was it?

Kind of stuff

that I've done before, really.

I don't know

if I should take it.

But why?

Didn't really work well last time.

Our kites kind of got tangled up.

Kites.

Oh, wait.

Is that Glen guy involved?

Don't take it.

Yeah.

But I don't think

she should be giving up a job

in the middle of a pandemic.

Nuh. Something better

will come along. Trust your guts.

I can't eat.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Is there anything we can do?

No. That's just it.

There's nothing anyone can do.

Tar-zee.

What?

What?

Did you just sneeze

in another language?

Arabic.

I'm learning. I told you guys.

You finished something

from your iso list?

Uh, something? I did all of it.

Didn't you?

Well, I drank every night

so I held up my end of the bargain.

To be honest, I only got halfway

through Middlemarch, but

Oh, really.

So you just got to the middle?

I didn't do any of the things

that I wanted to.

Mmm. That's not true.

Yeah.

You were in the middle of

one of our favourite love triangles.

That was more than enough.

OK, to repeat, this pandemic is not

a stage for your self-improvement.

Ana akhshaa alkhafafish.

Can we put some closed captions on?

Yes.

I'm exactly where I started.

Look. I wouldn't say that.

No. Actually, I've gone backwards.

Life isn't a sprint, babe,

it's a half marathon.

Oh, God. She's been running too.

It's like sourdough.

ALL: Urgh

No.

No. No. No. I know.

I know. But hear me out.

Decision making, it takes time

and needs to ferment.

Yeah.

And you need to take it out

every half an hour

and you've gotta stretch it

and just

No. What I'm saying, is

Good things come to those who wait.

Sourdough, is like

the best bread, right?

Mmm.

Can we not bread shame?

But, you know,

sometimes you just get drunk

and you want to eat the Tip Top.

That's not the point.

You can't rush baking.

There's knowledge and reflection

in patience and quiet.

But what if you put all of

this energy into the sourdough

and it doesn't work?

Maybe you just don't know

until you give sourdough a try.

Have you really given sourdough

a go?

Or maybe you're just used

to your old white bread habits?

OK. Ding, ding, ding.

I think the read metaphor is cooked.

Oh, my God.

What?

Rob just sent me this

in the WhatsApp group.

What?

Ramsay got Dylan in the break-up.

Trust me, you need to see this.

Ohhh, a sex tape?

Dylan?

Maddie!

Is that from the other night?

Yeah. It must be.

You can't be shouting.

f*ck hell.

Maddie!

RAMSAY: Is that caring Karen?

Yep.

Go home.

Sure is.

This is private property.

This isn't private property.

This is the street.

sh*t, are you?

Are you Karen?

That's it. I'm calling the police.

Yeah. Good. Call the police.

And they can arrest me

for being on a street.

Get out of here.

YESSSSSSS.

Get out.

Jesus.

Oh, yes. Get Rob. Get Rob, Karen.

1.5 metres.

Put the produce down.

Put the produce down?

No.

Get back.

f*ck.

Whoa. I am very confused.

Finally,

a Karen doing something good.

Why didn't Rob tell me about this?

I can see why Dylan didn't.

Can we watch it again?

I'll send it to you.

OK, sweeties, watch party for

Real Housewives of New York tonight.

Yes.

Can I please invite Bess?

Bess.

Bess? Bess?

Like, your Bess?

The Bess that started a zine about

how you're a terrible person, Bess?

Well, I wouldn't call it a zine.

Yeah. More of a sh*t sheet, really.

Yeah. Well, she's still in Iceland,

but I don't know. We're chatting.

Mmm.

Has COVID created

a high fidelity ex tidal wave?

Yeah. And why haven't

any of my exes contacted me?

I think I need to bake

some sourdough.

Put Paw Paw down, Maddie.

He's been through enough.

Hi.

Hey.

How's the place?

Good.

Great. I mean

Good.

I don't want to break up with you.

No, hear me out. Rob.

You you ground me.

You know, that sounds bad.

You hold me down.

Nope.

You're holding my string. And

OK, I don't know where

we're going here.

Is Glen's unit that bad?

No. It's great.

Well, it's not great

but I don't want to live with you.

I just don't want

to break up with you.

I know I've done this

whole thing the wrong way around.

And you are right,

I wasn't over Dylan.

And that wasn't fair on you

or anyone really.

I was caught up in this idea

that things have to be

..hard for them to be good.

But they don't.

You're not dull.

You're calm and strong

in a real way,

not in a stupid bro way.

And I can't believe I'm going to

say this but I miss Maya.

And her Tik Toks.

Which I totally

don't let her watch anymore,

because the rule you made

is a very good one.

Maddie, you know I love you.

But, how do I know this isn't

going to be the same as before?

Never accept a first offer.

There's someone I want you to meet.

Maddie, hello.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Your mother is coming.

She's bloody playing mini golf

on my lawn. Just wait.

OK. Dad.

There's someone I want you to meet

Ooh

It's nice to meet you Vijay.

Nice to meet you Rob.

I've heard a lot about you.

Oh, and me about you.

Maddie tells me

that you are in computers. Yes?

Guilty as charged.

Yeah. Alright. Listen. Listen.

My wife says that I have

too many picture messages

but I think it's something

to do with these clouds.

Can you, uh

Dad, he's a software

engineer not the Genius Bar.

It's OK. Let me know,

what are you seeing on your screen?

Well, there is a grey box and it

says not enough room for the cloud.

Useless bloody thing.

What have these bloody clouds

got to do with it?

Wanna be where you are

You're the right one

Wanna be where you are

Wanna be

where you are

You're

the right one

The right one

The right

one ♪

Maddie. Maddie. Hey. Can you hear me?

Hey, do you know the part

in Contagion,

the part where Laurence Fishburne,

he's the chief scientist dude.

Right, so Laurence Fishburne,

he starts to freak out

about the pandemic

so he tells his wife

to get the f*ck out of town

and the supermarkets are being looted

and Kate Winslet dies

Kate Winslet dies again

in another movie.

And we're all like,

"f*ck you, Soderbergh.

f*ck you for k*lling Kate.

And f*ck you for k*lling Gwyneth.

Anything can f*cking happen now.

Anything.

Like, I'm on a boat right now,

Maddie.

How did I get to be here?

Why have I watched Contagion

44 times on a boat?

Why is Jude Law's Australian accent

so bad?

Why didn't anyone tell me

the restrictions aren't lifted

till today?

You know what? I'm turning this boat

around, Maddie. I'm coming home.

Australia, do you hear me?

I'm coming home.

I will not Jude Law you.

I will not Laurence Fishburne you.

I'm not going to Kate Winslet you.

I'm gonna turn this boat around.

Let's do this, Maddie. Let's not jump

ship. Right? Let's get another boat.

Yeah. Let's start a new business.

We'll go domestic. Uh Travel Aid.

Because South Australia, we love

your grapes and beaches. Yeah.

Did you get all that? Maddie?

Did you get all that? Hello?