02x03 - Plum Life

[bunniefuu]

(CHEERFUL MUSIC)

I must've been searching,

though I wasn't looking for much

- Hey, Jem.

- Hey.

- Hey, Jem.

- Heya.

Sup?

You know I keep it cool

I prefer to stay in the cut

Don't want no attention on me

When I'm trying to

shake the blues up off me

- Oi!

- But then I saw your face

It caused my heart to race

I saw them pashing in broad daylight.

Something about the

way you strut your stuff

(MUSIC SLOWS, DISTORTS)

(SLOW, DISTORTED MUSIC CONTINUES)

I may be able to get you your own space.

- What do you mean our own space?

- I said maybe.

- Is it another garage? (CHUCKLES)

- No. And it'd be long-term.

And you don't have to

share with tractors.

Can we wear whatever we want?

Yeah. It's a space where you

can be you, talk sh*t, hang out

without worrying about

- Super-judgey haters?

- Exactly.

- Do we have to tell our parents?

- Only if it's safe to.

But like I said, this is

Can we go now?

Yeah, we should go see it before school.

Yeah. Where is it?

Nah.

Look, I know I owe you already,

but I got my first pay

from the old man yesterday,

and I'm gonna start

paying you room and board.

Yeah, still a no. But

yes to room and board.

Those kids need somewhere safe to meet.

I keep thinking about

what it would've been like

having someone like this

when I was their age -

not having to do it alone.

But you weren't alone.

Anahera Tokatai, will

you please let me ?

Take advantage of my

loving and caring nature?

(CHUCKLES) OK.

Thank you.

If you had this, would you have stayed?

(CAR HORN BEEPS)

sh*t. That's my ride.

- You all right to lock up?

- Yeah, I got you.

Hey, um, we'll kick

things off this week, yeah?

Ka pai.

- And can I put something on socials?

- Yeah. Whatever.

(DOOR SENSOR CHIMES)

- That's the way! Yes!

- That's what I'm saying, eh?

- (SINGS HIGH NOTE)

- Come on, girl.

- Come on, cuz.

- Jump in, sis.

- Yee-ah.

- That's what I'm sayin'.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

(CHEERFUL GUITAR MUSIC PLAYS)

Whoo-hoo!

Oh, ye-eah

Oh, ye-eah

Let's go, girls!

ALL: What's the time, Mr Wolf?

What's the time?

What's the time, Mr Wolf?

What's the time?

Said 1 o'clock

2 o'clock

3 o'clock

4 o'clock

5 o'clock

6 o'clock

Spooning, spooning,

spooning after dinner

Mr Daddy Longlegs

Crawling up to the ceiling

The sun don't shine

The sun don't shine

The sun don't shine at all

Mama, Papa said I

should go to school

I don't know what for

Now that I've gone

out and seen the world

And all its lies

Whoo!

ALL: What's the time, Mr Wolf?

- What's the time?

- Ooh-ooh!

What's the time, Mr Wolf?

- What's the time?

- (LAUGHS)

- Yeah.

- What's the time, Mr Wolf?

- He aha te tāima?

- What's the time?

- Picnic time!

- What's the time, Mr Wolf?

- (LAUGHS)

- What's the time?

Ooh-ooh-ooh!

Whoo-hoo!

Anyone tell you that all Māoris can sing?

- Bloody right!

- (LAUGHS)

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

I don't even know why

the iwi are considering

renewing the lease on that farm.

Well, it's good money.

And it's gonna cost a b*mb

to, you know, do all the

repairs on the community house.

Yeah, but the lease ain't gonna come up

on that farm for another decade.

We need to take it over.

Bring in a farm manager to

train some of the young ones up.

We could plant our

own alternative crops.

Mm. Like marijuana.

- (CHUCKLES)

- Not you and your wacky baccy.

We could grow our own

medicinal plants. Imagine.

Gerald Davis knows all

about alternative farming.

You should talk to him.

OK. This is the first stop.

(BIRDS TWITTER, INSECTS CHIRP)

(HAUNTING MUSIC)

Well, the church was built by

the first European missionaries

that turned up here.

There's some old graves

here, some of our ancestors.

Te Huia's memorial plaque.

They took her, didn't they?

Te Huia? She died away from here.

Her head, though, was

preserved and brought back home,

eh, as was the way back then.

And then she was taken from us.

- Stolen.

- Yep.

No one knows where they took her?

Well, someone from the

family put this thing here.

Look, if you wanna know

your ancestor, who she was,

go and sit in the bush.

That was her place, not here.

(HAUNTING MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

You know,

this is just about all that

was left of our mighty wetlands.

They used to come and

set their boats down here

and gather food and whatnot.

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

(SIGHS)

- (CHUCKLES)

- There is a brown one.

- Yeah. It's quite big.

- Hey!

What are youse poking around for?

Dave Cunningham's got

another cow missing.

Oh, well, you have to tell him

to fix his bloomin' fence, then.

What are you doing here?

We're just showing this one

some of the Rūrangi history.

You wanna join us, Gerald?

No, thanks.

Oh, well. Never mind.

Next time, then, eh?

(WOMEN CHATTER INDISTINCTLY, LAUGH)

Man!

- That fulla's a spunk.

- (CHUCKLES)

Oh. Shame he's so stuck up.

Hey! Don't you go saying

that about my future husband.

I wouldn't mind if he poked

that stick right in my

- Ugh!

- (LAUGHS)

Eugh! He does keep to

himself, that uncle.

- He must get so lonely. (GIGGLES)

- Hang on.

Is that why the iwi doesn't

help him with this bylaw stuff?

Because youse all think that

he's stuck up? Because he's not.

Girl, we've been trying to talk

to Gerald for ages about the bylaw.

He won't talk to us.

He knows where the marae

is. He just don't come.

Why are you being like

that to the aunties?

They're just being friendly.

You're Māori, Dad, and so am I.

Wow. Someone got real woke

in the big city, didn't they?

(COWS MOO IN DISTANCE, MUD SLOSHES)

JEM: Have you seen the

comments on your post?

- The Rainbow Youth group?

- Yeah.

Trolls came out, eh?

Probably live around here,

watching us right now,

pounding away at their

little troll keyboards.

(SPLASHING)

Oh, sh*t.

Dave'll be gutted.

We found it!

- (GERALD SIGHS)

- How do we get it out?

We don't.

That's Dave's job.

(BROODING MUSIC)

Hey, James Murphy, is that you, bro?

(WOMEN LAUGH)

- You're a egg.

- I thought youse were joking.

We're not joking. This is our land.

- Start unpacking.

- OK.

- There's more food in the boot.

- Mm-hm.

Yeah, 'cos nothing goes

with coleslaw like a

a bit of colonisation.

Hey, I've never had a

'f*ck you' picnic before,

especially not in the middle of winter.

I have, with my Hone.

- Ew!

- Ew!

Yuck, Auntie, man. I hope

it wasn't on this blanket.

(LAUGHTER)

- Hey, what's this?

- Don't touch that!

Oh.

That's not for the picnic.

OK.

Uh, what are youse doing?

- Nothing.

- Nothing.

Nothing.

(MUFFLED GIGGLING)

- Āe.

- Girls, girls, girls.

But is she ready? Like,

do we really need her?

- Āe rā.

- Mm.

Plausible deniability.

- What's that?

- Plausible deniability.

I know what she said,

but what does it mean?

- That's right.

- (WOMEN CHUCKLE AWKWARDLY)

(BIRD CALL ECHOES)

(HAUNTING MUSIC)

(BIRDS TWITTER)

(HAUNTING MUSIC CONTINUES)

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(SIGHS)

(LINE RINGS)

- I had a feeling you might call.

- Count me in. With

whatever it is that's going on.

I'll text you when we're outside.

Don't tell anyone where

you're going, what you're doing

or who you're doing it with.

- (WOMEN WHOOP, LAUGH IN BACKGROUND)

- I actually don't know any of that.

Exactly.

- Wear black.

- (HANG-UP TONE BEEPS)

ANAHERA: So where are we going?

(SPRAY CAN RATTLES)

The macrons above the U in 'Rūrangi'.

- You're the macron b*mber!

- No.

She's not the macron b*mber.

- I'm not the macron b*mber either.

- Nah.

I'm not the macron b*mber.

I'm definitely not the macron b*mber.

(CHUCKLES UNCERTAINLY)

Uh, I-I don't get it.

- We all are!

- (LAUGHTER)

And you are too now.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)

(SPRAY CAN RATTLES)

(SPRAY PAINT HISSES)

Well, that was fun.

Well, the night's only just begun.

(CHUCKLES)

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES)

b*stard!

IN TE REO MĀORI: Take

that! Serves you right!

(SHRIEKS)

- Ah!

- (ALL LAUGH)

- Game over, dude!

- Whoo! (LAUGHS)

(WHOOPING, LAUGHTER FADE)

(MUSIC FADES)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

No way.

Hey. We're just heading into

Anahera's shop with that resource kit.

How about a real-life resource kit?

- Eh?

- Some shithead's convinced the venue

to pull the booking for the conference.

What did they say? This

event is too inconsistent

with the values of the company,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.'

Ugh! Arseholes.

- Yeah. Complete f*ck.

- Wait. Why are you calling me?

Well, we're all dressed

up and ready to go, and

the brilliant Luna thought

That we could partake

of your country air.

I.E. get the f*ck out of town

And come help with the bylaw.

I mean, Jem's notes have

been doing the rounds.

- Seriously?

- Yeah. Tell Jem they made for compelling reading.

Yeah. And, um

you know, that bylaw

could set a precedent

for other regions to

follow. It's a big deal.

Jem's here. I'll put

you on speaker. Hang on.

- They read your notes.

- Oh. Hi.

Anyway, there are five of us.

We need a place to stay for the

week somewhere safe and free?

Oh, you can stay at the

farm. And I'll spring for gas.

Caz.

Let me know when you're at Rūrangi

and I'll direct you to the farm.

Excellent.

Looks like we're going rural.

- Whoo!

- (LAUGHTER)

Shouldn't you have asked Gerald first?

Campaign workers for room

and board? He'll be stoked.

Hm, he's pretty touchy

about the septic tank.

Putting children in danger is no joke.

(SCOFFS) I'm giving

them a space to meet.

I'll boycott the shop.

Others will too. I'll make sure of it.

Jean!

Good luck finding five vintage

pot holders for under 50 bucks!

(DOOR SENSOR CHIMES)

What's going on there?

You posted your group to

the Rūrangi community page.

- (SIGHS) You're kidding.

- Yeah.

"Ungodly". "Disgusting".

"Anahera's op shop is

encouraging perversion and "

Anahera, don't.

- This shop is my livelihood.

- People are just saying sh*t.

They're not actually gonna do anything.

I can't risk it.

She's got a mortgage.

- Rūrangi needs this.

- You're right.

You're absolutely right.

But I need to pay my bills.

I'm sorry, Caz. You're just

gonna have to find somewhere else.

(LOW, HAUNTING MUSIC)

(BIRDS SCREECH)

(ENGINE STOPS)

- I'll see you at the milking shed.

- JEM: Yep.

Good news: got us some bylaw help.

Oh, really? Who?

Um, my activist mates.

They're coming down tonight for a week.

They just need somewhere to stay.

Oh.

How many people are we talking about?

Five.

Five. They all transgender or g*y?

What does that matter? They're

activists, and they've got skills.

They just need room and board.

I'm just showing an

interest in your friends.

Tell 'em Tell 'em

they're welcome here.

I will say that some of

my mates are trans and g*y.

Like me.

I'm a trans man who likes

men, which makes me g*y.

You look like you've got a question.

Yep.

Can you make us a cuppa?

After the washing.

(PENSIVE MUSIC)

(BIRDS TWITTER)

(TELEPHONE RINGS)

(RINGING CONTINUES)

(CELL PHONE RINGS, BUZZES)

(RINGING STOPS)

IN TE REO MĀORI: Hi, this is Anahera.

Anahera. It's Keith Murphy here.

Uh, (STAMMERS) Hullo Hi

Sir. M-Mister.

Sir.

Don't worry about that stuffy title.

Is now a good time to talk, Anahera?

Uh, y-yeah. Yeah Yeah, sure.

Look, um, I must apologise for

not responding to your emails,

but, um, I'd be delighted to

take you up on your invitation

to debate your friend about

this, um, proposed bylaw.

- Y you would?

- Yeah. It'd be fun, don't you think?

Timely.

- And relevant.

- Yeah.

Wonderful. My assistant will be in

touch to arrange a time and venue.

- IN TE REO MĀORI: See you later.

- Āe.

(SIGHS)

(CRICKETS CHIRP)

- (CAT MEWS SOFTLY)

- We'd better get going.

- Where?

- To the pub.

Watch the Ainofo doco.

He was the man.

Still getting over it. (SIGHS)

Come on.

(GROANS) I'll get you some tucker.

Um, I can't.

I gotta wait for Ellie and them,

put out some mattresses and stuff.

Jem!

- Yeah?

- Where are ya?

We're off to the pub.

You can drive. (SIGHS)

Oh

I'm not really up for that.

We're honouring a legend tonight,

a man gone before his time.

I know. I just don't like it

when the pub's too crowded.

Fine. I'll drive my bloody self.

(BROODING MUSIC)

- You sure you can't drive him?

- No.

I've gotta wait for Ellie and them.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR LOCK CLICKS, CRICKETS CHIRP)

(BEER CAN TAB CRACKS)

(ENGINE STARTS OUTSIDE)

(SIGHS)

(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO)

- CAZ: Oi!

- Caz is g*y.

Wait!

- Wait!

- Oh.

Wait!

Hey!

- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYS)

- Yeah! (LAUGHS)

Still standing, Agnes?

- For now.

- Ooh!

There you go.

Thanks.

ELLIE: For the love of God,

stay in the car. I won't be long.

Sir Keith bloody Murphy?

Yeah. We've still gotta

sort the dates and stuff,

but it looks like my weirdo debate

idea wasn't so weird after all.

Game on. I'll get this.

Hey, uh,

where's Caz?

Oh, at home, probably looking for this.

Did you call him?

Um, hello?

- Um, hello, landline?

- Oh, yeah.

ELLIE: Hey, no. We're just

here to get directions.

- I'm starving.

- I want some wedges.

- I'm thirsty.

- Just like my hair.

Has anyone heard anything from Caz?

(ROCK MUSIC, CHATTER CONTINUE)

Who ordered the travelling circus?

(LINE RINGS)

- ANAHERA: Who's she?

- I take it these are Caz's mates.

- CAZ: Hello?

- Um, hey. We're at the pub.

- Jem, I left my

- You need to get here now, probably.

(UNEASY MUSIC)