Family McMullen, The (2025)

[bunniefuu]

Come on. Are you kidding me?

Is that a good-looking

frickin' bird or what?

Nice.

What are our thoughts

on Patty's boyfriend?

I didn't know he was coming.

Yeah, neither did I.

And for the record,

I am not at all happy about it.

Here's what I don't get.

What is my daughter

doing with this frickin' guy?

Why would you say

something like that?

He seems like

a very nice young man.

Because there's something

about him I don't trust

and I can see it in his eyes.

In his eyes?

He's too preppy. You know,

he's too put together.

I don't like that.

- "Put together" is a problem?

- Yeah.

And you know, he's not

particularly handsome, is he?

It occurred to me.

Who does he remind you of?

This guy right here.

Very funny.

So he's a nice, sweet,

put-together kid.

Probably goes to church

every Sunday, too.

Another strike against him.

See why you two

heathens don't like it.

Speaking of not going

to church, where's Leslie?

Are she and the kids coming?

What's going on?

Oh. Well, yeah.

No. Yes.

The boys are with

their significant others,

and Leslie and I...

Well, she decided that

she was gonna be in Fairfield.

- She always loved Fairfield.

- Beer here. Cold beer.

Always enjoyed Fairfield.

Tommy, great timing!

- Hi, Tommy.

- Hey.

You gotta try one

of our new brews, huh.

All right, you got it.

Hey, Dad, did you know

Patty's bringing the wannabe

blue blood to dinner today?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We were just discussing.

We're not happy about it.

You people are impossible.

Can we just give this kid

a chance, okay?

After all, it's Thanksgiving.

Hello, we're here.

Speak of the devil.

Patty, we're in the kitchen.

- Hi.

- Hi!

- Happy Thanksgiving.

- Hey, everyone.

- Wow!

- Sorry, we're a little late.

We were trying

to make a pecan pie.

This is the third attempt.

Third attempt's the charm.

Love it.

- Oh, hello. Hi.

- Hello. Hi, hi.

Hey there. How are you, TJ?

Happy Thanksgiving.

Can we get you a cold beer?

Dad, please.

We talked about this.

His name is Terrence Joseph

and you will

call him that, okay?

I know, but Terrence Joseph,

it's such a mouthful.

You never went by

anything short, huh?

Terrence Joseph.

Pay no attention to my brother.

Everyone in this house

will be happy

to call you

by your Christian name.

Oh, well, thank you.

And, yeah, beer would be great.

Here you go, handsome.

A pint of McMullen's finest.

And can I just say

that is a hell of a sweater, TJ.

Good to see you, buddy.

Oh, thank you.

And...

and Barry, can I just say

I wanted to thank you

especially for having me here

and let me join the family

on such short notice.

Or...

or should I call you Finbar?

Oh.

See, we got a wise guy

on our hands, do we, huh?

You put him up to that,

call me Finbar?

No, Dad, it is your name.

It is my name, that is true.

But there was only

one person on the planet

who was ever allowed

to call me Finbar,

and that was my mother.

Barry, I call you Finbar.

I call you Finbar.

All right, so there were

three people on the planet

who are allowed

to call me Finbar.

However, welcome to our home.

Why don't you guys

hang up your coats

and we'll sit down

to dinner shortly, all right?

Yeah, yeah. That sounds good.

Thank you, Barry.

Yeah, I'll be there.

Really?

Finbar.

Great job.

Terrence Joseph, welcome.

Before we dig

into this beautiful feast,

I'd like to say a few words.

I'd love for us to raise a glass

to what this day

is really about,

which is giving thanks.

I married

into the McMullen clan,

and I have always been

eternally grateful

that I get to be

a part of this family.

You know, after Jack died,

Barry, you and Patrick,

you... just took me

under your wing,

always made me

feel like I was home.

Of course, Thomas, Patricia,

I see you as my own,

and I just cherish this family.

I really do.

So, I am just grateful

that I get to sit here

at this table

with all of you today.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

And speaking of giving thanks

and being grateful...

I have an announcement to make.

Terrence Joseph and I

are engaged.

Oh.

Oh, jeez.

What are you talking about?

You are engaged?

I mean, how long

has this been in the works?

Well, we have been talking

about it for quite some time,

so it really came as no surprise

when he popped

the question last night.

Well, it certainly is

a surprise to me, all right?

And I have to admit,

it kind of breaks my heart

and not because

I'm not happy for you,

but it's because TJ here

didn't have the decency

to come and get

my approval beforehand.

Dad, it's Terrence Joseph.

- We talked about this.

- Okay, then.

Terrence Joseph, be thankful

I'm not a traditionalist.

Otherwise, you and I would be

in the backyard right now

with the boxing gloves on.

You know, Dad, should you like,

I could go run up,

get the boxing gloves right now.

Unfortunately,

they're not joking.

Well, I'm a little shocked.

Because I would have thought,

you know, we would have

talked about this. Maybe...

We wanted it to be a surprise.

Well, mission accomplished.

Can you remind me

how long you've been dating?

Since law school.

And ever since the first date,

we just knew

we were on the same page

She's talking

about their life goals.

Certain benchmarks that they

wanna hit at the same time.

Weird Type A sh*t like that.

Well, you know,

I hate to rain on a parade.

But getting married

is not something

you wanna check off

your to-do list.

I mean, you make

a hasty decision,

it can affect your entire life.

Not to mention the fact

that you're both too young.

I mean, look at Dad.

He got married when he was

too young, both times.

And God forbid

you end up like me.

Listen, I actually don't think

it has so much to do with age.

Thank you, Aunt Molly.

I think it has more to do

with life experience.

That was what cursed

your Uncle Jack and me.

Specifically because

neither one of us

ever slept with anybody

before we got married.

That came back

to bite us in the a*s.

Do you mind how? How so?

Oh, now he speaks.

Well, great question,

Terrence Joseph.

Their brother, Jack,

cheated on me.

Now, I did forgive him,

but I never forgot.

Or maybe I forgot,

but never forgave.

Either way,

after he had his affair,

I exacted my own vengeance,

and I had my own little fling.

- You did not.

- I did.

Couple of them, actually.

And you know what?

That's what showed me that

our marriage was a mistake!

I really don't think we need

to relive all that, Molly.

And I, for one...

don't want to let the

failures of other marriages

soil the advent of this one.

So if I may,

I'd like to propose a toast

to the newly engaged couple.

Yes, please do, Uncle Pat.

May we truly

celebrate the occasion today

marking the beginning

of your life-long commitment.

Lifelong, guys.

Let that sink in.

Dad, can you tell him

to shut up, please?

I think he and your aunt

are both making

very valid points.

When two people take each other

into their innermost hearts,

as you two clearly have done...

that love and trust

must never be taken for granted.

And sometimes...

sometimes it is.

I just want you...

to...

to have your love grow

and the joy grow

and not die and rot...

'cause you couldn't

forecast the disaster.

Good for you, kid.

Patty, Patty, take a minute

if you need a minute.

No, I'm all right.

I'm all right.

I...

I'd like to finish my toast.

I'm finishing my toast

to Patty and Terrence Joseph.

On this day,

we give thanks, don't we?

Especially...

to family.

To family.

What's the matter with you?

Losing your composure like that?

Can't even make a toast

without making

a spectacle of yourself.

Hey, Patrick.

What is going on, man?

Are you okay?

Let me ask you, Barry,

when you were over at Easter,

did you notice any friction

between Leslie and I?

No. No more friction

than usual.

Maybe it was just

easier to ignore

when the boys

were still at home.

Well, look,

I gotta be honest with you.

Ever since you guys

moved back from California,

she just hasn't seemed the same.

That's 15 years ago, man.

She's asked me to move out.

With us being empty nesters now,

she wants to start

a new chapter in her life.

- Jesus.

- Apparently, that chapter

will not include me.

Man. I'm sorry.

So what does that mean?

Are you out of the house now?

Looks like it.

So I was hoping

maybe I could stay here

with you a little bit.

Here? With me?

And I have a terrible feeling

that we are not just talking

about a one-night deal.

A few weeks, a month, tops.

Are you sh1tting me? A month?

"Give to the one who asks

and don't turn away the one

who wants to borrow."

- Matthew 5:42, Barry.

- I'm telling you right now.

You start quoting

the g*dd*mn Bible,

you're not staying

another f*cking minute,

let alone a month.

Holy sh*t.

Forgive him, Father.

He knows not what he does.

Wow.

Your Aunt Molly paints

quite a negative picture

of marriage, huh?

She makes it seem like

a hopeless endeavor

destined for failure,

sure to end in infidelity

and heartbreak.

Well, yeah, but just

because my Uncle Jack

was a jerk who cheated on her

doesn't mean that all guys

are liars and cheats, right?

But she makes

a compelling argument

regarding the whole

"how many people

have you slept with"

thing, you know?

Because neither one of us

has had a ton of experience.

You even less so than me.

And that doesn't bother me,

because that was my choice.

Yeah, all right.

So you're fine

having only slept with me?

You have no curiosity

about what it might be like

to be with somebody else?

No, but you're scaring me,

Terrence Joseph.

You should know that because

that's what's happening.

Well, guess what?

I'm scared, too, okay?

I'm terrified, actually,

and I blame your aunt for that.

But... I don't know.

Maybe she's right.

Maybe you need more experiences

under your belt before

you're ready to get married.

When you say "you,"

are you talking about

me specifically,

or the proverbial you?

Both?

And I only suggest it

because we do not want to end up

like your aunts and uncles

having affairs

and getting divorced

because we didn't

get everything out

of our system, do we?

So what are you suggesting?

Well, I think

we should take a break.

I'm sorry. I thought

I was ready to do this,

but I'm not.

You know, maybe we can each

go on a few dates...

see some other people,

and then we'll know

if we're really ready

to do this or not.

I don't need

any more experiences.

- I'm ready.

- Okay. Well, don't get upset.

Look, let's just take a month

like a trial separation.

And if it's meant to be,

then we'll know it.

And if not, then...

we save ourselves

all the pain and bitterness

that your relatives

seem to be suffering from.

Hey, look, you said it yourself.

Your Aunt Molly, she's been

like a second mother to you.

Well, let's listen to her.

You know, maybe she knows

what she's talking about.

There are no half-measures

in love, Terrence Joseph.

And I don't do

trial separations.

Patty, come on. Hey, look.

This is gonna be

good for the both of us!

What the hell just happened?

Did he just

break off our engagement

to hook up with other girls?

He did? Okay.

Oh, that was unexpected.

Not expected at all.

But you're gonna

pull it together, Patty.

You're not gonna cry

in the middle of the street.

If you're gonna cry,

you're gonna do it

some place you can be alone.

Oh, thank you.

Hold on. Molly McMullen?

- Oh, my God, Walter.

- Is that you?

Long time.

How have you been?

Good, good. I've been good.

- How are you?

- Good.

I'm just getting home with...

Thanksgiving with my girls.

I'm actually talking

to one of them right now.

- Hold on one sec.

- Oh, no.

Honey, can I call you

right back?

Yeah, I just ran

into an old friend.

Okay, okay.

I'll speak soon. Yup.

Bye.

- Sorry about that.

- Oh, no.

The girls just want to make sure

their old man got home

safe and sound.

How many years has it been

since I've seen

you and Cheryl? Jeez.

Yeah, so I guess

you hadn't heard.

Cheryl passed away

a couple of years ago.

- Oh, damn it. I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

Cancer's a b*tch.

- As you well know.

- Yeah. All too well.

So you must be coming back

- from Thanksgiving with Barry?

- Oh, yeah.

Can't escape the McMullens.

So what's,

what's happening with you?

- Are you still teaching?

- No, no.

I started selling real estate

after, you know...

Needed a new start

with the girls grown

and out of the house.

Wow, it's so funny

because I've been looking for

a real estate agent,

because I think

it's finally time

to sell the old family house

out on Long Island.

The one that

Jack and I shared so...

Well, if you haven't

had it appraised,

maybe we could set up

an appointment if that's...

That would be great.

That would be great.

All right. Do you wanna...

You wanna just

put your number in and...

- Sure.

- Great.

- There you go.

- All right.

- Okay, great to see you. Yeah.

- Great to see you, too.

- All right, I'll be in touch.

- Okay.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Oh, excuse me.

Could I get another round?

Okay.

Hey.

Let me guess, you just

moved here from Wisconsin?

You heard Brooklyn

was the place to be,

but now you're living

in a shitty one-bedroom

with three roommates

in Bushwick,

and you're wondering,

"What the hell

am I doing here

on Thanksgiving?"

No.

I'm sorry to disappoint,

but I'm actually from here.

- Excuse me.

- Really?

My apologies.

I had you pegged as a hipster

more than a native.

- So, where you from?

- Carroll Gardens,

by way of Coney Island.

No sh*t. A legit Brooklynite?

I mean, you don't meet

too many of us anymore.

I'm born and bred myself

from right here

in Windsor Terrace,

just a couple of blocks away.

Could I get another round

over here, please?

Is that your boyfriend

over there?

Not anymore.

That explains the tears.

It's very smart of you to dump

him in a public place, too.

I mean, can you imagine

the kind of state he'd be in

- if...

- There you go.

Just the two of you, home alone?

Thank you.

Just in the nick of time.

I'm Tommy, by the way.

Karen.

Well...

it's nice to meet you, Karen.

- Struck out again, huh?

- The night is young.

Here you go,

Mr. McMullen, Tommy.

Happy Thanksgiving to you both.

- Thank you, Brian.

- You too, Brian.

Here is to a long life

and a merry one.

To a quick death

and an easy one.

To a pretty lass,

and an honest one.

To a cold beer and another one.

Your grandmother

would be mighty proud of ya.

God rest her soul.

You know,

Dad, I've been thinking.

Being back home this weekend,

I'm realizing

how much I miss Brooklyn.

I already do not like

where this is going.

I thought I'd really like

working in tech,

but I'm just not feeling

creatively satisfied.

I think I'm finally

gonna pursue my dream.

Do me a favor.

Before you say another word,

did you quit your f*cking job?

Because I do not have

any more money to lend you.

Dad, I wanna be an actor.

An actor?

What the hell

do you know about acting?

Have you ever taken

an acting class?

I don't need a degree

to be an actor.

You either got it or you don't.

And it's like you said

with the writing,

"You can't teach talent."

And who is it that told you

that you have

any f*cking talent?

Weren't you the one

who always told us,

"Find something you love to do

"and you'll never have to work

a day in your life?"

Yeah, but that was when I was

young and idealistic.

I have since

amended that rule. Okay?

Now, it's "Find

something you love to do,

and you're

pretty much guaranteed

to live a life

of great disappointment

and probably go broke

pursuing that dream.

However, it does beat

the hell out of working 9-5."

So what's your point?

What are you gonna do

to earn a living while

you are pursuing the dream?

Well, I was thinking

I could work with Uncle Pat.

At the brewery. Yeah.

I'll help him

with the marketing,

social media, stuff like that,

and then...

I was also thinking

that, you know,

in order to save money,

it might be a good idea for me

to move back home.

Back home?

With your mother down in Miami

in that beautiful big house

with that big-a*s pool,

- that is a brilliant idea.

- No, Dad.

I'm talking about

here in Brooklyn, with you.

Back home in Brooklyn with me?

Oh, let me know

if I'm distracting you.

I thought we were having

a serious conversation

about you moving back home.

Look, what do you

want me to say?

It's Thanksgiving.

How can I refuse my boy?

It is a day for giving.

And I did just

tell your Uncle Pat

that he could move in

as well, so...

Welcome home, son.

Really?

Thanks, Pop.

The wedding's off!

All because Aunt Molly

got in Terrence Joseph's head

that we needed more experiences

before we got married.

Jeez, I'm sorry, kid.

Although I can't say

it totally breaks my heart

because, like your aunt Molly,

I did have my concerns.

Yeah, well, it breaks mine,

so, I'd appreciate

a little sympathy

over the snide comments.

And Patty, I owe you an apology.

I can't imagine my

histrionics helped matters.

Yeah, that was quite

the frightening sight

to see a grown man cry

at the dinner table like that.

That would have

scared me off, too.

But Patricia, I have a question.

Given the suitcases,

is it safe to assume

that like your brother,

you too are not looking

to move back home

with your mother in FL, eh?

Wait, what do you mean

"like my brother"?

I quit my job, so I'm gonna be

staying with Dad for a bit.

Huh? Just when I thought

tonight couldn't get any worse.

Look, I know you probably

don't wanna hear this right now,

but I think

this is for the best.

Why would you say that?

Because he's the only guy

you ever...

had a relationship with,

and I think

that would be a shame.

How the hell do you know that?

TJ may have mentioned it

when he got a bit too drunk.

And I hope you kicked his a*s

for talking about

your sister like that.

There is nothing

wrong with that, Patty.

As a Catholic, I commend you.

And as your brother, I pity you.

And I want to know

why anyone thinks

this is an appropriate

conversation in front of me.

Do me a favor.

Tommy,

for the rest of the night,

the only thing I wanna

hear out of you is nothing.

Look, I don't care

what you think.

I believe in the power of love

and the institution of marriage,

and unlike you,

Aunt Molly and Dad...

Sorry.

I don't have

a problem being faithful.

Well said, Patty.

And the Lord smiles on those

who make that sacrifice

and frowns on those who don't.

Hey, why am I

being dragged into this?

I only cheated on my first wife.

And if I didn't cheat on her,

I don't meet your mother.

If I don't meet your mother,

I don't have

you two beautiful children.

So in this case,

maybe cheating

is actually a good thing.

This is parenting for you?

Dad, it's very twisted logic,

but I think it's sound.

Let's get this back on track.

Can I stay here?

Look.

When your mother

and I got divorced,

I bought this house in the hopes

that I could create

a second home for all of us.

And based on tonight,

I'd say I succeeded.

I'm confused. Is that a yes?

Of course.

But look, I do have

some rules, all right?

I'm not gonna cook for you,

not gonna clean up after you,

and I'm definitely

not doing your laundry.

You want any

of that bullshit done?

You can ask Patrick,

who also came here tonight,

hat in hand.

I'll be happy to do it.

Thank you.

How about that, huh?

I got my two babies

back home with papa.

Guys, do me a favor.

Raise your pints.

To Patty the Perfect

and Tommy the Terrible.

Welcome home, kids.

Hey, you got a minute?

Be very careful with what

comes out of your mouth next.

What are you taking me for, huh?

I might be a wiseacre

and a class clown

and a school fool,

but I know better than to joke

at a time like this.

- Then what do you want?

- I just wanna tell you

I feel for you!

I know how much you loved him.

That's it.

No wisecrack, no mean comment,

no dumb a*s remark.

No, I can be real

when the moment calls for it.

However, there is something

I wanted to ask you.

Okay, this should be good.

It's nothing major, but...

Well, look, if we're gonna be

living here together,

we should try not to,

we should

try to get along, right?

Yeah.

So I was hoping that you could

try not to be

so judgmental of me.

- Oh.

- Yeah.

I'm not judgmental.

I just worry that

your impulsiveness

and impetuous decision-making

will lead you down

a path of disappointment,

bitterness, unhappiness,

and, well, ultimately failure.

Well, it was worth a shot.

But you know what

I just realized?

It's not judgment, is it?

It's jealousy.

I'm jealous of you?

You don't really believe that.

Yeah, and I get it.

I'm fun, and you're not.

I'm the life of the party

and you're the

strange girl in the corner

that nobody wants to talk to.

I'd be jealous, too.

Did you ever think

that it was maybe because

my self-esteem wasn't tied to

a constant need for attention?

If anything, it's those

insecurities of yours

that feed your jealousy of me.

You've always envied me.

What part of your life

could I possibly envy?

Oh, I don't know.

My work ethic, my stability,

my loving relationship.

Oh, you know what I'm

sensing from you right now?

Disappointment. Bitterness.

Unhappiness.

And what was

that last one again?

Oh, yeah. Failure.

Get out!

I can't believe

how much I've missed you.

Sounds like

they're off to a good start.

Yeah, the sounds

of sibling rivalry.

Warms your heart, doesn't it?

Hey!

Hey.

Remember me?

- No, I can't say that...

- Yeah, you do.

We met at Farrell's

on Thanksgiving.

You left some poor b*stard

crying in his beer.

Oh, yeah.

- Mr. Born and Bred.

- Exactly.

Yeah, I was just having a slice,

I saw you go by,

I thought I should say hello,

see how you're doin'.

So how you doing?

Right now

I'm pretty annoyed, actually.

Oh, what? Because of me?

I'm sorry. I don't mean

to be a bother.

I just wanted to say hello.

Now that I have...

take it easy.

No, sorry.

It's not you, actually.

It's just... I'm supposed

to meet my friends for lunch

and they just texted me

that my ex is in there.

So the weeper is the cause

of your annoyance and not me.

I'm happy to hear that.

Hey, I got an idea.

Just came to me.

What if you

blow your friends off?

You can have lunch

with me instead.

Why not?

Look, you go in there,

you know you're gonna have

an awkward encounter

with this dude,

and then you're

gonna ask yourself,

"What if I would've had lunch

with Tommy Mac instead?"

"And what if that moment was

my one chance in life

at something extraordinary,

and I just let it

slip through my fingers?"

I mean, that might haunt you

for the rest of your days.

So are you implying that

"that something extraordinary

that I might miss out on"

is you?

No!

It's us!

So what do you say?

It's just lunch.

Have a beer, have a burger.

Maybe even have a laugh?

Burger?

Slice isn't enough for you?

What slice?

Very nice shot.

You know...

- Why the hell not?

- Yeah?

Come on then, girl.

All right.

So, how long did you guys date?

Almost four months?

My longest relationship by far.

Felt like a lot longer though,

didn't it?

Yeah, like a life sentence.

So...

were you in love with this guy?

Oh God, no!

- What?

- What?

No. No, no, no.

I've actually

never been in love.

Never had anyone

do that thing for me.

Tell me about it.

Yeah. I have yet to experience

that special feeling

that people talk about.

The "I can't stop

thinking about her."

"It's the girl of my dreams."

"It's love at first sight."

Bullcrap! I never had that.

You know, my girlfriends tell me

- about kissing some guy.

- Yeah.

Just kissing, mind you,

and they get goosebumps

and tingling and butterflies

in their stomachs

and immediately know

that he's the one

and I'm like, "Butterflies?

Are you f*cking kidding me?"

"Goosebumps tingling?

Get the f*ck out of here."

I don't know. Maybe I'm just

not wired like that. I'm sorry.

No, no, no.

Nothing to apologize for.

To the cold-hearted.

May we never buy

into the fallacy of true love.

To say nothing of butterflies.

f*ck butterflies.

f*ck butterflies.

What the...

God, no!

Oh, God.

Dad!

You gotta be kidding me.

Dad!

Oh, is everything okay?

Jesus!

What is going on in here?

- What happened?

- It's the faucet.

It's been dripping all afternoon

and keeping me awake.

I tried to fix it, and then

it starts spraying in my face!

It just won't stop.

Okay, you know what concerns me

more than the faucet?

The fact that it's the

middle of the afternoon

and you're still in bed.

What, you didn't wanna

go to work today?

Oh, no, I called in sick again.

I just... I'm not ready

to face the world.

And this is because

you're still pining

over Terrence Joseph?

Yeah. Obviously.

Yeah, but it's been

almost two weeks.

You're not over this guy yet?

Okay.

You're of no help.

- I'm going to bed.

- Pats, Pats.

Look, I'm sorry.

Here's the thing.

You can do better

than this guy, all right?

I mean, first of all,

he's not particularly

good-looking, right?

He's got very

untrustworthy eyes.

Secondly, he had the audacity

to call me Finbar.

And thirdly,

and more importantly,

he's an Irishman

who pretends to be a WASP.

I mean, come on.

Well, thanks for

walking me home.

- Yeah.

- Totally not necessary,

but I really

do appreciate the gesture.

No, it was my pleasure.

And as much as I

don't believe in love,

I do believe in chivalry.

So look, I just wanna be

perfectly upfront

and let you know

that I had a great time today.

Okay, yeah. So did I.

- Very, very pleasant surprise.

- Good.

And furthermore,

I would just like to add...

Well, that's redundant,

but go on.

That I am glad

we didn't miss out

on this extraordinary experience

you and I are starting to share.

Extraordinary? No.

I don't think we've gotten

to that part yet.

- Huh.

- And...

we're not going to tonight.

Yeah, bummer,

but you could text me.

I'm free over the weekend.

- Oh, yeah?

- Yeah.

Alright.

- Alright.

- Looking forward to it.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Approaching... extraordinary.

Okay.

What the hell?

Those are not f*cking

butterflies you're feeling.

You're just hungry.

You need to eat.

Wait a second.

You already had

a slice and a burger.

sh*t!

- Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, f*ck.

No, no, no, no.

You're not that guy.

Nothing to worry about.

Hey, hey.

Who is hungry for some donuts?

Sorry, Pops. Uncle Pat's

already cooking breakfast.

Huh? Isn't he

the happy homemaker?

I don't know if you guys

are aware of this,

but today actually marks

the two-week

and two-day anniversary

of your uncle staying with us.

Isn't that wonderful?

You know, if I'm a burden,

just say the word

and I'll gladly be on my way,

- my man.

- Oh, no.

Uncle Pat's not going anywhere.

He made us pancakes.

Something you've never done.

Yeah, because I do donuts.

That's my thing.

Been doing it

since you were kids.

And I guarantee you this:

My donuts are better

than those frickin' pancakes.

I don't know, Dad.

These pancakes are hot.

I also did the laundry,

and Finbar...

in the future,

I would appreciate it

if you didn't just throw

the wet towels down the stairs.

There's a hamper

on the landing for a reason.

Do you guys hear, like,

a buzzing in the kitchen?

I've been hearing it

for the last...

two-and-a-half weeks.

It's like a little

gnat in my ear.

It b*tches, and it moans.

You guys don't hear that at all?

Block it out, Uncle Pat.

We've been doing it

our whole lives.

Yeah, don't listen to him.

Please continue what you were

saying about Aunt Molly

before Barry

"box of donuts" over there

so rudely interrupted you.

Well, I just think

it's wonderful

how close you kids are with her.

Yeah, well, she was

more of a mother to us

than our own mother.

Which isn't saying much.

I've forgotten

what a beauty she is too.

She really has a glow about her.

Have you noticed that?

She walks into a room

and it's immediately brighter?

A glow?

No. I, for one, have never

noticed a f*cking glow.

And neither should you.

And you wanna know why?

Because she's

your sister-in-law.

I don't think

she still is, technically.

I'm not allowed to say that

she lights up a room?

No. Not while you're

living here in my house.

But when you get

your own place like a big boy,

you can shout it off

the rooftops for all I care.

Dad, you're a f*cking

crazy person.

Thomas, I can't

approve of that language,

but I do approve

of that message.

I mean, if there's anybody here

who needs a shrink, it's you.

Wait, I'm sorry.

Who here is seeing a shrink?

Oh, Aunt Molly gave Uncle Pat

the name of her old therapist.

She did what?

Since when has she

been seeing a shrink?

And more importantly, why?

Are you kidding?

Your older brother, her husband,

cheated on her and then died.

Say, if anyone

needed one, it's her.

Okay. Well, then

what's your excuse, Patrick?

Dad!

Aunt Leslie left him,

kicked him out of the house?

Dad, don't get all weirded out.

Mom sent us to a therapist

after the two of you

got divorced.

It was great.

Really helped the both of us.

She did what?

And why is this the first

I'm hearing of this?

Maybe because of the way

you're reacting now.

Uncle Pat, have you had

your first appointment yet?

No. And like your father,

I have my reservations.

But after this tumultuous year,

I'm seeing the world

in a whole new light.

A whole new light?

Oh, so maybe that explains

why you're seeing

your dead brother's widow

suddenly has a glow about her.

Oh, my God, we're back to this.

Barry, you've always

been afraid of change.

But your daughter's right.

It's not the '90s anymore.

Hey, Patrick, you know what?

I'm starting to think that

maybe you're a bad influence

on my children,

turning my brood against me.

And it reminds me

of a theory I have.

You see, a family... is like

- a bowl of fruit, right?

- Oh, my God.

And if that bowl happens

to have a bad apple,

- a rotten apple, if you will...

- Dad!

- What does that do to the...

- Wasn't funny the first time.

Yeah, no, it was.

I thought it was very funny.

Yeah, definitely.

It was funny.

See, your brother's right.

He's a smart kid.

Again, Barry. The '90s...

They're dead and gone.

Time to grow, my friend.

Time to grow.

Oh. So, yeah, you know,

the house needs a little work.

Yeah, this kitchen

could use an upgrade.

Oh, you think?

What? You don't think

the faux brick has aged well?

I think that fell out of favor

- somewhere in the mid-80s.

- Yeah.

Tell you what? Every time

I come back in here,

it's like the memories

just come...

flooding back.

I'm sure.

I mean, I was a kid

when I moved in here.

It was after my wedding night.

- Flies by, doesn't it?

- Yeah.

30 years.

How the hell does that happen?

Tell me about it.

I still feel like I'm

the same guy I was in my 20s.

Then, of course,

I look in the mirror.

Yeah, well, f*ck that.

Yeah, I tried living here...

after Jack passed away.

It's too lonely.

Painful. Sad.

That was over 20 years ago.

Why did you sit

on the house that long?

Oh. Barry and Patrick.

They were not ready

to give up their childhood home.

No way.

So I've been renting it.

It's been pretty lucrative.

Well, how do they feel

about you selling it now?

We haven't

actually discussed it.

There will be tears.

Particularly from Patrick.

I just want to start

by saying...

This is a very big

step for me, Dr. Sabatino.

Please. Call me Sal.

Sal?

Not sure

I'm comfortable with that.

It's a little too informal.

Too casual for how I'm gonna

be communicating in here.

And how are you gonna be

communicating in here?

Well, to a doctor,

not some guy named Sal.

Well, if you prefer calling me

Dr. Sabatino,

we could try that.

But let me ask you,

why would calling me Sal

make you uncomfortable?

Well, it'd be the equivalent

of calling Father Dolan

or Father McGavin, Joe or Mike.

Just isn't done.

Out of respect.

So, you're a

practicing Catholic?

Very much so.

Whose wife

has asked him for a divorce?

And obviously a very major sin.

Is your wife Catholic as well?

Not practicing.

She's... taken issue

with some stances

the church has on women.

As a lapsed Catholic,

I totally understand.

Which reminds me of a joke

I recently heard,

which you might appreciate.

What's the highest position

a woman can reach

in the Catholic Church?

Nun.

Get it? Nun, zero, none.

Sorry. That... that was

in poor taste.

So tell me, Patrick,

how do you think I can help you?

Unfortunately...

Sal...

I don't think you can.

Appreciate the time.

No f*cking way.

Jokes about nuns?

That's what

this guy thinks is funny.

Imagine. The people who laugh

at something like that?

One-way ticket

to hell, my friends.

Patrick?

Patrick!

Patrick McMullen!

Oh, my God.

I thought that was you.

Susan? I don't believe it!

It's over 30 years.

You look exactly the same.

So do you.

When you walked past me

in Sal's office,

I immediately knew

it had to be you.

Oh, you mean Dr. Sabatino?

Is he your therapist too?

Well, I shouldn't

say it like that.

That was my first

and last session with Dr. Sal.

Looks like I'm gonna have

to battle through confessions

with Father McGavin

from here on out.

Right.

Well, it's nice to see

you haven't changed much.

Well, what about you?

You're in Brooklyn now?

Yeah. Well,

after the kids were born,

we left the Upper West Side,

for which daddy never forgave me

and moved here,

right up the block actually.

But now I'm divorced

and the kids are grown,

and Daddy's long gone,

so now it's just me.

Yeah, well, that's part

of the reason I was in

to see the good doctor.

- Soon to be divorced myself.

- Oh.

I'm sorry to hear that.

But it gets easier

as time passes.

And if you're lucky,

it actually gets fun.

Oh, look, I would love

to stay and chat all day,

but I have to get back

to my session.

Maybe we could

get lunch sometime.

Or get a drink,

go for a walk? Whatever.

You know, call me at the office.

We still have the same number,

if you can believe it.

You know what's nuts?

I couldn't tell you what I had

for lunch yesterday,

but all the numbers

from back then?

- Locked up right there.

- Good!

Then, you know,

give me a ring, if you want.

If not, it was awesome

seeing you.

Do you ever wonder

why Molly never got remarried

after Uncle Jack died?

Never gave it

one minute of thought.

Couldn't care less actually.

You know, I can't remember her

ever having

a real steady boyfriend.

And how about

all that talk at Thanksgiving

about how I need

more experiences

and sexual partners?

Think she might be a sex addict.

Having a healthy sex life

and zero desire to marry

does not a sex addict make.

It's your Catholic upbringing

causing you to negatively judge

completely normal desires

and impulses.

But you don't think it's weird

she never had kids?

Not at all.

She's too busy

helping Dad with us.

Yeah, it's not the same thing.

Speaking of Dad,

why do you think

he never remarried?

Well, that's because

he's a two-time loser.

Third time could be the charm.

I don't think so.

I think he's very happy

being single.

Dad is not happy being single.

Why do you think

he so willingly agreed

to let us move back

into the house?

He's lonely. That's why.

Lonely? Dad? No way.

He lives the charmed life

he always has.

I do not believe

what I am seeing right now.

Perfect and Terrible

hanging out together?

Guys, I can't tell you

how happy this makes me

that you're staying here.

All right, 'cause the house

is kind of starting to feel

like a home again, and that

warms the old man's heart.

What'd I tell ya?

Hey, but I did want

to check in with you guys.

You're cool staying here,

even with Uncle Pat

living in the basement?

'Cause just say the word...

and I'd happily

get him outta here.

Yeah, Dad, all good. Yeah.

Well, look, guys, I was thinking

if you guys are around tonight,

maybe we could do

a family dinner,

just the three of us?

Oh, sorry. Dad,

I got a hot date tonight.

- Huh. Good for you.

- Thanks.

Pats?

I'm assuming

no hot date tonight.

I was thinking maybe then

we could get started

decorating the tree.

Oh, I'll be here,

wallowing in self-pity,

lamenting about the life

I should have had

and getting drunk.

Lamenting the what-ifs

and getting hammered.

Who does that remind you of?

- Grandma.

- Exactly.

Again...

Kind of warms

the old man's heart.

You know,

maybe you have a point.

I mean, if he's excited

that you're staying for dinner,

he's definitely lonely.

What exactly is this for?

You're gonna want to

put that down.

Ew! Gross!

So you never remarried

after Jack passed?

Honestly, I've never

really been interested.

You know,

the first time around was

pretty rough, so...

Yeah, I remember hearing

you guys had some issues.

Oh. Well, just the one issue.

You know, he cheated on me.

- Yeah, well, that's a big one.

- Yeah.

How about you?

What's going on?

Started dating again or...

I tried, and I failed miserably.

What?

Well, to start, she was

my high school sweetheart,

if you can believe that.

We reconnected on Facebook.

Really?

People actually do that?

Wow. What was that like?

- I mean, after how many years?

- Forty.

- Forty?

- Forty years, yeah.

She's a nightmare now,

and she was a nightmare then.

I hope you don't mind this,

but you have a really

nice smile when you laugh.

Thank you.

That's what I remember

most about you.

When...

when we worked together.

Your smile, it was just...

It was nice.

Walter, are you hitting on me?

What? No, no.

You have a nice smile.

That's it.

Well, thank you.

And thank you for the ride.

And I'll see you next week

about the contract.

Okay.

Okay. Well,

that was a pleasant surprise.

He's nice!

But is he too nice?

Oh, God, you know

how nice guys get.

First, they get mushy,

then they get clingy.

You do not do well with clingy.

Okay, you're getting

ahead of yourself.

You don't even know

if he's interested yet.

If he was interested,

he would've

asked you out, right?

Well, wouldn't he

have asked you out?

I think he would've

asked you out.

- Hello?

- Hey, it's me, Walter.

I'm still outside

sitting in my car

where you just left.

Still here, not in a creepy way.

Just thinking that

maybe me and you should...

Should go on a date?

Yes. Exactly.

Me, too.

Great. I know

this great Italian restaurant.

How about Saturday?

All right. Great.

Oh, I could cook.

- Even better.

- Great.

- I'll see you then.

- All right.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Walter.

I mean, how incredible is that?

I've always said

the city is like a small town,

especially in Brooklyn.

Well, what are you

gonna do, big boy?

Are you gonna

give her a call or not?

Oh, you gotta

call her, Uncle Pat.

You probably have

so much to catch up on.

And look at this,

I just Googled her.

Apparently, she's some

big deal in fashion.

CEO of her own company.

Yeah, that was

her father's company.

They made the ugliest

sweaters in history.

Not anymore. Now they're

as big as Donna Karan,

and oh, my God,

look at her apartment.

Wow! Okay, Patrick,

I gotta think

she's got an extra bedroom

in this place,

and it's gotta be

a little better

than sleeping in my basement.

What do you think?

If I'm not welcome here,

just say the word

and I shall be on my way.

Is that a promise?

Oh, jeez, you are not gonna

believe who's calling.

The man who wanted one more lay.

- I can hang up?

- What do I do?

- Do not take the call.

- Take the call.

- I'm taking the call.

- Ay yai yai.

Why the f*ck would you say,

"Take the call"?

Damn, I've been tryna

get rid of this guy!

Why, he's just a kid!

- Hello.

- Hey.

I just wanted to check in

and see how you're doing.

Not great, if I'm being honest.

Really? Me too.

God, I've missed you so much.

Oh, my God...

I'm so relieved

to hear you say that.

So I guess that means

you haven't been out there

having new experiences.

What?

No. Not really.

What about you?

No, of course not.

Oh. So not even one date?

No. Why?

- Have you gone on a date?

- Well, yes. Obviously.

But, I mean, I hated it.

They weren't you.

Gee, not even close.

How sweet of you to say.

Yeah. Yeah,

they were a little lame.

Just some girls I met on Bumble.

Really?

So... there is...

more than one. So...

Was it like one date

with a few different girls?

Or did some girls

warrant second dates?

Are you getting upset?

Because I thought

that's what we agreed to.

No, you suggested it.

I told you I wasn't interested.

Therefore, no agreement!

But I am curious.

How was it?

You know,

sleep with someone else?

I'm assuming

you slept with these girls.

No, not all of them.

- Just the one.

- Oh.

Just the one.

Dad, he is such a jerk!

Oh, what... what happened?

It didn't go well?

No, it did not go well.

- He's a mother...

- f*ck!

Oh, my God. I was terrified

that she was gonna say

the wedding was back on.

This is great news.

Your daughter's

in emotional distress.

This is your response?

Yes, because, like I've

already explained to you,

I don't like this kid

and I will not be happy

until he's out of the picture.

And you know what you could do

to help the cause?

Maybe say a prayer to that end.

Or even better,

next time you're up in Mass,

you light a candle.

The only reason I would

light a candle at church

is to save your soul.

Well, that would be

appreciated as well.

Bells will be ringing...

Yeah, no, my dad's great.

We're super close.

But he moved out to California

a bunch of years ago

when he got remarried, so...

And what about your mom?

No, she did not remarry,

and she's, like, barely dated,

since she and my dad split up.

I think she thinks like no man

is good enough for her.

Or for me, for that matter.

Noted.

Yeah, well...

Okay, I am her only child,

so she can just be

a little overprotective.

What about you?

Brothers? Sisters?

Yeah, I've got a younger sister,

Patty the Perfect.

Not perfect, far from it.

No, she's like we couldn't

be more unlike each other.

Our whole lives,

all we did was fight.

Which, usually with me,

on the losing end

of one of her right hooks.

Wait, so you would actually

fight, like, with your fist?

Yeah, yeah.

During the summers,

when we stayed with our dad,

we had this family tradition

where anytime he heard us

screaming at each other,

he'd ring a bell,

grab a pair of boxing gloves,

and then we'd duke it out

in the back.

And might I add, you know,

it takes a hell of a man

to admit that his sister

used to kick his a*s.

So you're more

of a lover than a fighter.

That's kind of your excuse.

Well, it's not really an excuse.

It's... more of a...

badge of honor.

- Really?

- Yeah.

We'll see about that.

Holy Christmas.

I know, right?

What the hell was that?

I don't know.

Have you ever felt

anything like that before?

Me neither.

Okay. I'm just

gonna say this now.

I'm not looking for a boyfriend.

And I'm not looking

for a girlfriend.

Far from it. I got a career

I gotta worry about.

I mean, should I

just move across

the country to pursue my dream?

I can't be tied down

to any additional...

- passions.

- So we're on the same page.

This is not going

anywhere serious.

No, just us having fun.

Okay, cool.

That's a relief...

But I just want to make sure

you felt that too, right?

f*ck.

You know...

maybe love isn't

such a crazy notion.

Everybody seems to speak

so highly of it.

Why couldn't you give it a shot?

Just give it a shot.

Just lean into it, have fun.

No, wait, wait, wait.

What are you saying?

What are you saying?

Are you saying you might be

in love with this girl?

No! No, no, no.

Let's not get carried away.

That's not what I'm saying.

- Hey, Dad. You home?

- Yeah.

In the living room

with your uncle.

Yo.

Hey.

So...

Last night...

I just had the

best date of my life,

hands down.

Yeah, well,

your sweater's on inside out.

And backwards.

I mean, I just never felt

anything like this before,

and I got to admit,

it's a little unsettling.

I mean, these are

uncharted waters for me.

- Tell us all about it.

- Yeah, well, I wish I could.

I don't even know

where to start.

I mean, as I've said before,

I don't believe

in fate or destiny

or true love

or any of that bullshit.

But this?

I mean, this was intense.

I'm kind of

embarrassed for myself

- just talking about it.

- Yeah, sweet f*cking Jesus.

You should be embarrassed.

Listen to yourself.

I know. f*ck.

Guys, the language, please.

And Barry, with the Lord's

name in vain into the bargain.

My bad, my bad.

I forgot we got

the Holy Roller

living with us now.

Patrick, I will do my best

while you're here in the house

to watch my language.

Cross my heart and swear

to f*cking Chris...

topher.

It's not funny.

It's not funny at all.

No, no, it's not.

You know who else

isn't laughing?

Who?

God.

Thomas, don't listen to your

foul-mouthed, cynical father.

There's nothing

to be ashamed of.

Being love-struck

is an affliction

many a McMullen

has suffered from.

Yours truly included.

And this character here,

I might add.

I'm happy to see

it's being passed on.

Another romantic

keeping the dream alive.

Hold on. It's just...

It's her.

- Hello?

- Hey, how's it going?

Never better. Telling my father

and my uncle about you.

Oh, no way,

because I was actually

just telling

my mother about you.

And she thinks that

maybe you might be related

to this guy that

she used to date.

- I didn't date him.

- Is your dad's name Barry?

Sadly, yes. It is.

Dad. You dated her mother.

Really?

- What's her name?

- What's her name?

Nina Martin.

Nina Martin.

Nina Martin?

Are you sh1tting me? Really?

- Hey, hey.

- He's coming over here.

- Do me a favor. Do me a favor.

- Yep.

Tell her I say hello.

- He says hello.

- He says hello.

Hello, Barry.

And she's kinda

blushing in her clip right now,

- which I'm honestly loving.

- I'm not. Stop!

But I hope this doesn't change

the way you feel about me.

Oh, no, not at all.

I think it's really funny.

Yeah, me too. Okay, cool.

So, we still on

for Saturday night?

Yeah, definitely.

- I'll see you then.

- Great.

I will see you then, too, yeah.

Okay, bye.

How incredible is this?

What are the chances of that?

So what are... Who are you?

We were friends in high school.

- Okay. Cool.

- And then...

- And then, again in college.

- Really?

- You dated him?

- I did not date him.

For how long?

I didn't date him.

Yeah, there were a couple of

times, actually. In our 20s.

A couple of times?

Okay, what were you doing?

Just boinking on the rag

in the '90s?

Who do you think I am?

And then, yeah, I guess

after she got divorced,

it was...

- And then after your mother...

- Dad, oh, no!

What are you, f*ck buddies?

Oh my God, we were friends.

- You were friends?

- We were friends.

You were friends who got

naked together with...

Then why would you

put it like that?

We were friends, all right?

- Let's just leave it at that.

- Okay.

I'm walking away.

- Mom!

- I'm walking away.

I wanna hear

about your sexcapades.

Ew!

Do I have to worry that

this is gonna become weird

- between the two of you?

- No, no, no, not at all.

- It was a long time ago, okay?

- Okay.

- All right.

- Nothing to worry about.

All right, because

I really like this girl.

So just, just

please behave yourself.

Okay?

What do you take me for?

Come on.

Can you believe that?

Nina Martin!

It's fantastic news.

I know what you're thinking.

And you're a sick

and demented individual.

You heard what he said.

He really likes this girl.

He doesn't need you

mucking that up.

Mucking?

Okay, how much longer

do you need to stay here?

Oh, there he is.

How you doing, Sam?

Hey, Mr. McMullen.

Listen, I gotta apologize, man.

I wish I could

make it last week.

My sister's got me

running around

- like a madman.

- Are you kidding me?

You're doing me

a huge favor, all right?

Come on, get in here.

- Is it upstairs?

- Yeah.

Right this way, my man.

- Anybody in here?

- It's open.

I hate to be a bother,

but I finally got the plumber.

He's here to fix the sink.

Are you almost done in here?

Now I am.

Sam. Patty. Patty. Sam.

Give me a holler if you need me.

Thanks. Mr. McMullen.

Sorry. I'll be out of here

in just a sec.

I don't know if you

heard your father.

I'm Sam.

Sam Dukakis.

Geez, Patty, you're breaking

my heart over here.

You don't remember me?

I used to live down the street.

We used to play around the block

when you and your brother

came for the summers.

That's right. Hey.

How long has

it been? Must be losing it.

Afraid so.

We made out once, didn't we?

Mrs. Warren's backyard?

Playing spin-the-bottle.

Summer before high school?

Summer before high school.

Yeah, yeah.

Highlight of my summer.

But, I mean,

it was more of a kiss

than a full-blown make-out.

One might call it a peck.

Remember you weren't

feeling too good?

You had an upset, "burp"

stomach or something?

Wonderful memories.

Now I remember.

Now I'm gonna

let you get to work.

It's the sink,

but... you knew that.

Okay.

Dad?

We got a problem. Do you know

who that is up there?

Yeah.

I called him, remember?

It's Sam Dukakis

from up the street.

We used to play together

when we were kids?

Do you know that?

You mean he's a really handsome,

super nice, charming guy

who used to live on the block

with his three crazy sisters?

Yeah, it kind of rings a bell

a little bit.

I still can't believe it's him.

You don't understand.

I had the biggest crush on him.

Every summer, when we'd come

to stay with you,

we'd hang out

on the block with him

and all of his friends,

and well...

everyone would ignore me

because I was such a dork.

Except for him.

So, what's the problem?

Well, he was the first boy

I ever kissed.

Again,

failing to see the problem.

- I threw up on him.

- That's a problem.

So, what was his deal?

Terrible kisser? Bad breath?

No, we were playing

spin-the-bottle,

and someone brought beer,

and, well, never played.

Spin-the-bottle before,

never drank beer before.

Hindsight,

I probably should have

had the beer after the kiss.

Yeah, and I probably

should have been

paying more attention

to what you kids were doing

when you stayed here.

So what are you gonna do?

Maybe you should

go back up there

and have a little

conversation maybe?

Why would I do that?

Because you just said

you had a crush on him,

and you are now single.

That was 15 years ago.

And I'm not single.

We're on a break.

What do you think

Terrence Joseph

is doing right now, huh?

You think he's

home pining for you?

Or do you think maybe he's out

"plotting" his next experience?

I should go back up there.

Pats, before you go.

Maybe grab a cup of coffee.

It'll look

a little less obvious.

Good thinking.

Wow, okay.

For once, your father's

absolutely right.

Terrence Joseph is probably

out there right now,

having...

another experience.

So, you know what?

f*ck him.

- Hi.

- Hey.

My dad made coffee.

I just wanted to see

if you wanted some.

Yes, thank you!

I'm actually...

- Perfect timing. I'm done.

- Great.

You wanna come

try it for yourself?

Oh, sure. Here.

Here.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

- Yeah.

- Sure.

Good as new.

So I know it's a bit overdue,

but I just wanted to apologize

for that night way back when

with the hurl.

Don't worry about it.

Yeah, you gave me

a great first kiss story.

And I was guaranteed

never to forget you.

Really? It was

your first kiss too?

Because, well,

it was mine as well.

Yeah, well, it wasn't much

of a kiss though, was it?

No!

No, I guess it wasn't.

It was kind of over

before it began.

Well, look,

I can tell you're real

broken up about it,

so if you wanted

to make it up to me...

Let me take you out.

What? Like, on a date?

Yeah. Like, on a date.

Is that...

Is that crazy to ask?

Are you prejudiced

against plumbers?

No, it's just...

It's, it's complicated,

because...

You know what? I'd love to.

I would love to go

on a date with you.

All right.

Great.

- It's a date.

- It's a date.

Cool.

Hey, Patty! Hey, Sam!

You guys should

be finished up, huh?

Coming, Dad!

I'm gonna... I'm gonna go.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll see...

Ovilia. Saturday, 8 o'clock.

- All right?

- Yes.

There you go.

- See you then.

- Yeah.

- Bye.

- Bye.

Tell me more

about you and Leslie.

Well, we got together

right after you and I broke up

and drove out to California.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All that, I know.

You didn't wanna

work for my father.

You hated the sweaters.

You ran off to California.

I got all that. No.

Tell me when you think

she fell out of love with you.

Whoa.

Kinda getting deep here.

I thought we were just coming

for a light-hearted chat

and a muffin.

Spent a lot of time

with Dr. Sal, huh?

No, I... If I'm honest...

Fifteen years ago.

She wanted

to stay in California.

We moved back east

because I thought the kids

should be near their family.

But how do you feel now

that, that chapter

of your life is over?

Your kids are out

of the house, you're single

for the first time

in almost 30 years.

Some people may feel liberated.

I know I did.

Liberated? No.

I feel scared, I feel alone...

I feel confused.

But mostly...

I feel sad.

I just sound like the most

emotional basket case.

Holy sh*t.

Aunt Molly,

this one's even worse.

Oh, my God!

You're such a priss.

I am so glad

you're going on this date.

I'm not sure I can do this.

You can.

You're gonna look fantastic,

but you must

get rid of those loafers.

No, it's not the dress,

what little there is of it.

It's just this whole thing.

What whole thing?

You're going out to dinner.

That's it.

If you don't wanna do

anything else,

you just come straight home.

But you can't stand him up.

Especially if he's a nice guy.

He is a very nice guy.

Good! We love nice!

Not too nice, though.

You know what I mean?

Like Terrence Joseph?

You don't want nice to a fault.

What do you mean by that?

I mean, look, you take

one look at that guy,

you know, you've got a Sheldon

on your hands.

I'm not sure I follow.

"Do it to me, Sheldon.

You're an animal, Sheldon.

Ride me, big Sheldon."

True or untrue?

No idea

what you're talking about.

Really?

When Harry met Sally?

No?

Oh, my God.

This makes me feel so old.

All right,

let me ask you this...

Sex with Terrence Joseph.

Terrible, right?

No.

No?

All right. I'm gonna tell you

something else

that you don't know,

besides a classic scene

from a classic movie.

The walls in my apartment

are very thin.

That weekend

you guys spent the night?

I got some pertinent information

that will refute your claim.

Meaning what?

You were listening to us?

- No. But I was trying to...

- Oh!

And I heard nothing.

Well, did you ever think

we were trying to be quiet

- so that we didn't wake you?

- Doesn't work like that.

Nope. Don't buy it.

Nope. No, no chance.

Loud sex is what happens

when it's good sex.

I would have at least

heard you repressing

the sounds of your passion.

I heard nothing.

Which is what makes me

even more excited for you

with this date,

and lets me know

you've gotta get laid.

- What? No, no, no!

- Gotta do it. Gotta do it.

No! I was engaged a month ago.

How am I supposed to just jump

into bed with someone else?

It didn't stop

Terrence Joseph, did it?

- Hey, my guy.

- Hey.

I got a beer

and I got a question.

- You got a minute?

- Yeah. For you, of course.

Beautiful.

So look, man,

I just wanted to...

you know, check in with you

and see how everything is going

with that new girl of yours.

Oh, yeah.

Karen? Yeah.

Things are going pretty great.

We got a big date tonight.

- She's taking me dancing.

- Dancing?

- You dancing?

- Yeah. Me dancing.

Yeah. She takes these

ballroom dance lessons

at her church

with all these old people.

They got their Christmas party

tonight, so...

Yeah, well, you know

that the McMullens

are not really known

for their dancing skills.

So if you do

really like this girl,

you might wanna rethink

that plan. You know

- what I'm saying, pal?

- Don't worry about me, Dad.

I got the moves.

So...

Is this what you really

wanted to talk to me about?

Check on how

Karen and I are doing.

Kind of, sort of.

I mean, really,

here's what I'm thinking.

I'm just wondering, if maybe...

you happen to have

Karen's mother's phone number

by chance. Maybe.

Right...

No.

I do not have

her mother's phone number.

And even if I did,

I wouldn't give it to you.

I don't understand

the hostility.

She's an old friend.

I can't say hello?

I can't reconnect?

Dad, I'm telling you right now,

you are not going

anywhere near her mother.

You are not

starting this sh*t up again.

What do you suggest I do

if she happens

to get in touch with me

because it's a possibility?

I don't know.

- You ignore it.

- I ignore her?

You want me to be rude to her?

You want me to ghost her?

Yeah, it might

be a little rude to her,

but you'd be

very respectful to me.

So please, Dad.

Make the right call.

Christ.

If she reaches out to me,

I might have to call her back.

I'm just saying.

Do you know what Molly wants

to talk about with us today?

It's always nice

getting to see her,

don't you think?

And if you hadn't noticed,

I'm making apple pie, my man.

Mom's special recipe.

And I had Tommy

go out and pick up

a bottle of your favorite.

You know, it really is rude

for you to sit there

on your phone

and pretend you don't hear me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

But what is it in our

experience together...

In our 22 years

of sharing a bedroom,

our 50-plus years

of being brothers

and now our one month

of you living here with me

makes you think

I would give a sh*t...

whether or not

I'm being rude to you?

Okay.

Well, then maybe I'll just

set the table for two,

and you can fend for yourself.

Okay. Do me a favor

and do what you want,

because I have got to go anyhow.

You're not gonna believe

who I was just texting with.

Nina Martin.

She says I gotta get over

to her place right now,

and not to delay.

Barry, please!

I've gone to all this trouble.

Call her and tell her

you'll see her tomorrow.

Consider it a gift to me.

A gift to you?

I'm letting you live

in my basement,

and now I'm gonna

give you another gift?

By the way, thank you

very much for the wine.

Yeah, that is my favorite.

It'd be rude to go over there

empty handed, anyway.

Oh, it'd be rude to her!

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it would be.

Hey, do me a favor.

Do not wait up for me

because you never know.

I may not be home tonight!

You know, it's wrong

to treat people like this!

Especially family!

Maybe I won't be here

when you get back, Romeo!

I'm coming.

Okay.

- Hi.

- Wow.

Can I just say that

time has been kind?

'Cause you still look

f*cking amazing.

Very nice mouth, Barry.

But thank you. Thank you.

Is that...

Very nice.

I'm not gonna come over here

empty handed.

All right, follow me.

Close the door.

So, I'm sure you know

why I wanted to meet with you.

Yes, I do.

And I just want to let you know

that I am single

and very much interested.

Wow. Okay. So, you...

You have not changed a bit.

- Okay, no.

- Why would I?

No, I...

I actually want

to discuss the situation

that we find ourselves in.

It just feels like we're...

What are...

- How are you?

- I'm really good. How are you?

- What are you doing?

- I'm just getting comfortable.

- Barry...

- It's like old times.

Yes, it is. Can you please

go sit over there?

- Just go sit over there.

- Okay.

I will be over here

if you need me.

I just want to start by saying

I am not in favor

of this romance,

and I hope

that you are not as well.

Look, I really don't think

it matters what we think,

because they don't

give a sh*t. All right?

They're adults now and they're

gonna do what they want.

And I think

the more you protest,

I think you're just gonna

add fuel to the fire.

I don't believe that

for a second.

I don't. Karen absolutely

cares what I think.

I don't know.

Tommy says they're crazy

about one another,

and I kind of think

that's something

that we should be celebrating.

So you approve of this?

It's not my place

to approve or disapprove.

When it comes to my kids

and their love lives,

with the exception

of my daughter, of course,

I just stay the f*ck out of it.

You stay out of it. No.

That's the opposite

of my parenting philosophy.

I get right in there

so I can ensure that

I get what I want.

But I don't understand.

Why are you so against this?

Unless, of course, you think

it might get a little awkward,

given our history?

Yeah. I mean,

that's the whole point.

I mean, God forbid.

Come on, Barry, if...

If it gets serious,

then we're gonna have to see

each other all the time.

Yeah, I've been thinking

about that

and I gotta admit,

it's very exciting to me.

But as it relates to the kids,

I think maybe we're

getting ahead of ourselves,

'cause I think it's only been

a couple of dates, right?

I've heard the way

she talks about him.

It's not good, Barry.

Well, look, I mean,

I would no sooner

tell Tommy who he could date

than I would tell you

what I've been thinking about

since I walked in the door.

I know

what you've been thinking.

And I think

you'd find it flattering.

- Really?

- And if you want,

I could, maybe join you

on the couch again

and whisper it in your ear?

Oh, you want to come back

over here?

I mean, I think it could

be a good idea.

I think you should

stay over there.

Hello?

Sorry, I'm late.

- Hey, no worries.

- Hi.

And I will apologize

on Barry's behalf

because I know

he wouldn't think to.

He made other plans.

Oh. It's just us?

Yeah, unless one of the kids

comes back early.

Well, I can't stick around

for too long,

but I do plan to come back

to see Patty

because I expect

a full report from that girl.

Yeah, well...

I will probably not be here

by that time.

Oh. What, you got a hot date?

I am moving out.

There's only so long I can stay

under the same roof with Barry.

Oh, gosh.

Which brings me

to the next thing

I wanted to talk to you about.

I...

I'm thinking

I might stay at our old house

in the meantime,

if it's all right with you.

I know you don't have a tenant

right now. You said, right?

Well, I was gonna

talk to you and Barry,

both, today about that,

because I think

I wanna sell the house.

Sell the house?

Why...

Why would you wanna

sell the house?

Well, I don't

live there anymore.

You know, I haven't

lived there for 20 years.

But... It's our family home.

All our family memories

are there.

You... You sell the house,

all those are gone.

I know, but I gotta

be honest, for me...

between Jack's infidelity,

and his battle with cancer,

it just...

They're not great memories.

So Barry

doesn't know about this?

No. I was gonna

tell both of you today.

He won't care.

Man has no heart.

Hey, why don't

I just buy the house?

Why don't you

just buy the house?

Yeah! Right.

Problem solved.

But wait a minute.

Does this mean, really,

it's just done with Leslie?

No chance of reconciliation?

No. That's done.

It's for the best.

And frankly, I just wish

I would have seen it earlier.

The writing was on the wall,

loud and clear for years.

"I don't love you anymore."

All in caps.

When the bells all ring

And the horns all blow

And the couples we know

Are fondly kissing

Will I be with you

Or will I be among

The missing?

Maybe it's much too early

In the game

Ah, but I thought I'd ask you

Just the same...

Sorry.

Hi.

- Hi!

- Hey!

There she is.

- How you doing?

- Good.

Is this okay?

Yeah. It's perfect.

All right, I'll take your coat.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

Wow.

I gotta say, you look incredible

- in that dress.

- Oh...

My aunt lent it to me.

Personally I think

it's a little much,

but she insisted

I wear it tonight.

Oh, no, no. She's...

She's right on the money.

Yeah.

So, how are you?

I'm great. Honestly.

I mean, I'm...

I'm with you on a date.

I... What could be better?

You know?

- What about you?

- I'm good.

But... But...

There's something

I need to tell you

before this goes any further.

And you might think

I'm a terrible person,

but I just really think

it's best to be honest.

You know? After all those

years of Catholic school.

Oh, yeah. Hey, I get it.

Twelve years

of Catholic school myself.

I understand your pain.

Oh, good.

I'll just spit it out.

Can I start

you two off with some drinks?

I'd love a glass of cab, please.

Two.

- Thank you.

- Thanks.

So...

Sorry, you were saying?

I can't see you after tonight.

Wow, I screwed this up

real fast, didn't I?

Why not?

Well, I'm kind of engaged.

Well, I was engaged,

and then my fiance

wanted to take a break.

Well, a trial separation

for a month or so.

And that month is up...

- tomorrow.

- Hold on, Hold on.

You're getting back together

with your ex-fiance tomorrow?

Yeah.

That's the plan.

Patty, what?

What are you doing

going out with me then?

That is a long,

complicated story.

But basically,

he wanted to sleep

with other women and he did.

And now that he got it

out of his system,

it made him realize

how much he loves me.

Now that he got it

out of his system.

Wow.

See, I don't know

if you're fully aware of this,

but your ex...

he's an as*h*le.

Yeah.

That's kind of how I felt when

he first hatched the plan.

- Oh. Great timing.

- Thank you.

All right. Wait a minute.

You're not getting off that easy.

You gotta answer the question.

What are you doing on a date

with me in that dress

when you're getting back

with your ex tomorrow?

Well...

the deal was we were both

supposed to have an experience.

Oh... And that's me?

Afraid so.

You're not gonna help me

with this, are you?

Look, I'm sorry.

I can't just... I can't

get down with that plan,

because if the kids

were to break up...

That means there's

a very good chance

I would never

see you again and...

I just don't like

the thought of that.

Yeah, that's the idea, Einstein.

That's what we're doing here.

All right. Well, look,

if nothing else,

this little reunion was pretty

great after all this time.

Yeah.

- Yeah, it really was.

- Yeah.

- I liked it.

- It's good to see you.

- You too.

- Yeah.

Oh, come on.

I can read your mind, Barry.

Again, I can...

Yes and no... No, no.

The answer is no.

Well, look, you know,

you seem to forget the fact

that I could always

read your mind as well.

And right now,

in this moment, I know

exactly what you are thinking.

Oh, God.

- Okay, f*ck it.

- f*ck it.

Ai-yai-yai.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

You know what?

This is crazy. It's crazy.

Our kids...

I know. I know. You're right.

You're right. You're right.

- I got one question.

- Yes?

Is the bedroom upstairs?

Yes, the bedroom is upstairs.

Yeah, because I have this

kind of romantic notion

that I might pick you up

and carry you there

like I used to.

But my back is a mess.

I slipped a disc playing hoop

and I'm just afraid...

Okay. Yeah.

I have a bad hip, so...

All right, so that kind

of levels the playing field.

- Totally. We're even.

- So, what do you think?

I think you should

go up the stairs

before I change my mind.

- Let's do it.

- I'm right behind you.

Captured effortlessly

That's the way it was

Happened so naturally

I did not know it was love

The next thing I felt

Was you

Holdin' me close...

Seriously, dude,

you're gonna make me cry.

I'm like this close

to losing it.

Cry? Why are you gonna cry?

- That was beautiful.

- I know.

But guys aren't supposed

to be cute and funny

and charming like you.

And they're definitely

not supposed to be able

to dance like that.

What about you?

I've never met anyone

who's so sweet and tough

and gorgeous and nasty

and makes me want to spend

every second with her.

Wait, what the f*ck?

I thought we talked about this.

No mushy relationship sh*t.

I'm sorry.

I can't help myself.

You got me saying

all the things I thought

I'd never want to say.

I know. It's terrible.

Wait, what kind of things?

Don't make me say it.

Because I'm so in love

with you, I will say it.

Did you actually just tell me

that you are in love with me?

- Do you want me to repeat it?

- No.

But I would like to take

this time to tell you that...

I love you, too.

Really? Because

I'm so crazy about you.

I've been meaning to tell you

since that first night we met.

I know. I felt it, too.

And you know what's even worse?

- What?

- I actually got butterflies.

No.

We are so f*cked!

Hey, I hope this is okay.

Sorry, that's all I got.

Oh.

- Thanks.

- There you go.

Thank you.

To...

To an experience.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

So you're sure

you're okay with this?

You don't feel

like I'm just using you?

I am. Yeah.

And I do, because you are.

But for you?

I'm willing to make

the sacrifice.

- What?

- Wow. Okay, hold on.

Are you sure? You sure

you're okay with this?

- You seem a little...

- Nervous?

Yeah. And a little awkward.

I'm a little out of practice.

And terrified.

You're not gonna

throw up again on me, are you?

- Should I get a bucket?

- Very funny.

No. I'm just...

not used to this.

But the thing is, you know,

it's just, my Aunt Molly

at Thanksgiving,

she said this thing

to Terrence Joseph

about, you know, trying to...

hook up with other girls,

and he was, like,

"Yeah, I think that would

be a good idea."

And I was kind of like, "No."

But here I am, and it's...

kind of feeling

like a good idea.

- But it also feels weird.

- Patty...

- So, I don't...

- Patty...

- Patty!

- Yeah...

We don't have to do anything

you don't want to do. Okay?

Listen.

I've liked you

since the seventh grade.

So we could just sit here

and talk and hang out.

I'm just happy you're here.

That's really sweet.

But no, we're doing this.

Take your shirt off.

- My shirt?

- Yep.

Yeah.

That helps.

I'm taking you to the bedroom.

Can I ask you how well did you

and Jack know each other?

You know, when we were

all working together?

Not very, and he was

a football coach.

I was a tennis coach.

- Right.

- Not a lot of overlap.

No. No.

And a little bit of judgment,

too, if I recall.

And if I'm being honest,

I don't think that he thought

I was very cool.

Shows what he knows.

- Nothing.

- Nothing.

See? He always did have

terrible f*cking judgment.

You see, when he had

that affair,

obviously I was upset with him.

But over the years,

I got upset with myself.

So I'm, like, "Why did I just

forgive him and let him stay?"

Well, a couple

of Catholic kids like us,

we were taught

that divorce is a sin.

There's no amendment

to that rule.

Divorce is fine,

lest your husband cheats.

See, looking back,

that's when I should have

bailed on the church.

Because then

I would have no problem...

kicking

his cheating a*s out the door.

Hey, I get that.

Thank you.

Can I make a confession?

- Oh, boy. Here we go.

- No, no, no.

I always thought

that way back then,

just before you and Jack

got together

when you first got to school,

I always thought there might

be something between us.

Oh, you did, huh?

Yeah.

I did, too.

- And you blew it.

- I blew it?

- Yeah.

- I blew it? How did I blow it?

I thought we had, like,

a little flirtation.

And then, remember that day?

I had just finished

coaching soccer,

I was walking

to the train station

and you pull over

and you picked me up

- and you took me home.

- Yeah.

Not unlike the other day.

I remember, we sat in my car

and we talked

for almost an hour.

But how did I blow it?

I was giving you so many signals

and flirting

and flashing green lights

and doing everything I knew...

how to do...

And you just... Nothing.

You didn't try to kiss me

or anything.

Oh, believe me, I wanted to.

And you didn't.

Yeah.

I didn't know

how to make the first move.

I wasn't so smooth back then.

Oh... Oh, I see.

How about now?

How about now what?

Am I smoother?

Or do I want to kiss you?

We know that you're

not smoother.

- Oh...

- So...

The girl pulls no punches...

I'm gonna make it

easier for you.

How about this frickin' view?

See, this is another reason

I'm glad we live

on this side of the river.

Wow, you are way too proud

of your Brooklyn roots.

No. No such thing

as too proud.

You know what me

and my friends used to say

- when we were growing up?

- No. What?

We wake up every morning,

we thank God

we're from Brooklyn.

- Aww...

- You know what

I thanked God for this morning?

Whoa!

No, we talked about this.

- Well...

- You're about to say

something mushy, aren't you?

I thought we made a deal!

I thanked God I met you.

Tommy, that...

that is not fair!

We were on the same page!

But if you're gonna play dirty,

- I can play dirty, too.

- Bring it, dirty girl.

Okay, so you know how I said

that I didn't want a boyfriend,

and then now you've gone

and opened the floodgates

with all this love talk?

Well, now I'm gonna

take it to the next level.

- Oh, yeah?

- I'm gonna do something

kind of crazy.

Can you deal with crazy?

If it's crazy with you,

I think I can go

as loco as you need me to.

Is this crazy enough for you?

I said, bring it!

Thomas Tonelli McKenna McMullen.

I never even wanted

a boyfriend before,

let alone a husband.

But I've never felt this way

about anyone in my life.

So, yeah. f*ck it.

Do you want to marry me?

Absolutely.

Maybe try the pinky?

- Yeah.

- Oh...

I look like

an old school mafioso.

I feel like frigging Henry Hill!

Karen, why did you do that?

Karen, that was

all the money that we had.

- Why did you do that?

- I'm sorry, Henry!

They were

gonna find it anyway, Henry!

Karen!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry.

- You're funny.

- Funny, how?

Funny like a clown?

We're in trouble now, huh?

I think we are, buddy, old pal.

Listen, ever since

I quit smoking

a little ice cream after sex...

Perfection.

Oh, you'll get no complaint

out of me.

Let me smoke a cigar later,

and this will be as good a night

as I have had in years.

You're an easy man

to please, Barry.

- Unlike you, right?

- What?

I...

I didn't take that long.

- I'm not talking about that.

- Oh.

Here's what I don't understand.

How is it that a great looking,

successful chick like you

lives all alone in this big,

beautiful house?

Maybe it's by choice.

Is it?

Yes. I'm very

content in my life.

I am.

I just, you know...

haven't figured out

some of that other life sh*t.

What sh*t is that?

Relationships, marriage...

that kind of thing.

Man. Well, I am

hardly one to talk

in those departments, either.

But what about your daughter?

I mean, you clearly must have

done a great job there.

- Yeah.

- I mean, the kid must be

extremely sharp

if she recognizes

what a catch my son is.

Yeah, well.

It's the one thing I did right.

I'm so proud of her.

Which is why as...

As nice as this was,

and this was...

- This was... It was fantastic.

- Fantastic.

I don't know.

I don't think I'm a fan

of their relationship.

Look, I don't think we really

have anything to worry about.

It's been a couple of dates.

I mean, what's the worst

that could happen?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. That's Karen.

Whoa!

You don't wanna just knock?

No, no, no.

This drives her crazy.

- Hi, Mama.

- Hey.

Can't you ring the doorbell

like a normal person?

Well, if I ring the bell

at this hour,

you're probably not gonna

answer it now, would you?

But if I whistle,

then you know it's me.

Okay, now that I know

that it's you.

What do you want, sweetie?

We have news.

- What kind of news?

- Pretty big news.

Like I need to go downstairs

and open the door news?

Or you can tell me from here?

I don't know. I guess

it depends if you think

that getting engaged

is big news.

What did you go and do?

Karen! Why did you do that?

- I'm sorry.

- Why did you do that?

- Karen...

- Remember that from Goodfellas?

- Why would you be engaged?

- Because we're in love.

"In love" is not a reason

to get engaged.

What the hell did you just say?

Stay very quiet.

Mom, what's going on?

- It was the cat. What...

- Wait.

What's going on up there?

Mom, are you with somebody?

- No. No.

- Yes.

Oh, my God, you are.

Who is it?

Sweetheart, stop

changing the subject.

- I wanna talk to you.

- Yes, ma'am.

Do you have your key?

Yeah.

Then why did you whistle?

Get in the house.

- Bye.

- Bye.

You're drunk.

Get in the house.

I am!

Oh, my God. What a disaster.

What are we gonna do?

I don't see

what the big deal is.

They're f*cking engaged!

Hey, look, if you are incapable

of dealing with them right now,

I could go down there

and talk to them, if you like.

I mean, after all,

he is my son, right?

No, you stay right there

and you keep your mouth shut.

Okay, so, just to clarify,

you want me

to stay here until they leave?

Oh, my God.

Enough with the jokes.

Seriously!

Was that okay?

You sure?

Yeah.

Gotta admit it.

I had no idea it could

be like that.

Yeah. Yeah, that was

pretty off the charts,

wasn't it?

Probably get some wisecracks

from my neighbors

- across the street.

- Why?

- Was I loud?

- No, stop...

I was loud!

I wasn't even aware!

It's nothing

to be embarrassed of.

Listen, you know, just...

Just don't be surprised

if you get some funny looks

on Flatbush Avenue tomorrow.

That's all.

You know... I...

I've never really done

anything like this before.

And it was wonderful.

It was. I...

I'm just not really sure

of the protocol

and I'm thinking I should,

I should probably go.

What? No. No.

Patty, you don't...

You don't need to go.

I really think I should.

You know, I've got a lot

going on up here right now.

Primarily confusion,

and a healthy dose

of Catholic guilt.

I should really work it all out.

Okay. Okay. Well...

Look, if you wake up tomorrow,

and you decide your fiance's

too much of an as*h*le

to commit

the rest of your life to...

Give me a call,

'cause I'd love

to take you out again.

Really?

I gotta go.

It's the kitchen.

Pat...

Oh...

You're still there.

I'm just gonna take the stairs.

- Have a nice night.

- Yeah, I'd wish you the same

but from the sounds of things,

I'd say you already had one.

You have no idea.

You have proven

that you are irresponsible...

and impetuous.

- And incredible.

- And irresistible.

And clearly immature.

What is the plan?

No plan... yet.

But we just know that we

wanna be together forever.

Okay. You know,

you could have shook on it.

Made a pinky promise.

Moved in together.

You don't get engaged.

I'm sorry, Mom,

but this is actually my life.

And we are in love

with each other.

Oh, okay.

I'm sure it's somewhat

shocking to you, Nina,

but it's equally shocking

to the both of us.

Neither one of us was looking

for a relationship.

But then we both got hit with

the most incredible feeling

at the exact same time,

and afterwards we're...

looking at each other,

and we just knew something...

something extraordinary

was going on.

Guys...

Do you know what that's called?

- What

- That's called

a simultaneous orgasm.

Also, it just means

you're hot for one another.

You're two good-looking

young people

who obviously had a great time

in the sack.

Newsflash: It's gonna fade!

And more importantly,

just because you young people

had some amazing sex

does not mean

that you get married!

For crying out loud.

Grow up.

Nice shirt, Mom.

Thank you.

Like a Christmas present.

Okay, you know, we can just

hope that she comes around.

But seeing things from

other people's perspective,

namely mine, is not really

her strong suit.

Wait a second.

I know this wine.

What the hell did you just do?

Yes, it was fun and eye-opening.

No. No. But that's not you.

You're not... that girl.

I guess that's what you deserve

for listening to your sex-crazed aunt.

Patty, is that you?

- I'm going to bed.

- Hold up. Hold up. Hold up.

I waited up for you.

Tell me all about it.

Oh, my God. Look at you!

The dress, the shoes!

- I knew it.

- Did you?

Did you also know that you

would screw up my life plan

when you told Terrence Joseph

that he needed more

sexual experiences?

And did you also know

that your advice

to hook up with some other dude

would totally confuse

the sh*t out of me?

Because... I just had

one of the most amazing

experiences I've ever had.

And now I'm just supposed

to get back together

with Terrence Joseph tomorrow?

Did you know all that too?

Wait, wait, wait.

Go back to the middle part.

That part

about the amazing experience?

- Tell me about that.

- No!

I'm not telling you anything

ever again.

I don't want any more advice,

any more dresses,

any more anything.

I just want things to go back

to the way they were.

I'm sorry, Patty, sweetie.

You're gonna thank me

some day. Trust me.

Oh, this is a blessing.

Back in the old neighborhood.

The old block.

Your childhood home.

Some people might say this

is a step backwards, my man,

but I think this

is gonna be the start

of a great new chapter.

Who says

you can't go home again?

Hey, Dad, you up here?

Yeah, I'm in the bedroom.

You're a frigging jerk,

you know that?

- What?

- A real freaking jerk.

What is going on?

What the hell did I do now?

Are you serious?

You slept with Karen's mother

last night?

And please don't deny it, okay?

Because she was drinking

the same bottle of wine

that Uncle Pat

had me pick up for you.

That doesn't prove anything.

That doesn't prove anything.

Maybe she likes the same stuff!

I mean, she always

did have great taste.

She told Karen

about it this morning.

She told her everything.

Jesus Christ. Did she?

All right.

I'm guilty as charged.

All right, but I don't know

what the big deal is. Okay?

I mean, I knew her first

long before you knew Karen.

What is this "I knew her first"?

What? Are we

in the fifth grade?

What do you want me to say?

We're attracted to one another.

Always have been, all right?

And to think you were upstairs

in her bedroom

when we came over last night,

this is just so sick

and demented.

I can't even wrap

my head around it.

Hey, pal, In my defense,

it happened before you guys

got engaged, all right?

I mean, sh*t, if I knew

you were that serious,

- it never would have happened.

- What are you talking about?

You did know

that we were serious,

because you asked me about it!

And I told you to stay away

from her mother.

- Wait. Who's engaged?

- He is.

- You're engaged.

- Oh, God.

- When did this happen?

- Last night. Okay?

- But she proposed to me.

- That's good.

So the one who has never

been in a relationship

and doesn't believe in love

and bad-mouths marriage

at every opportunity,

is the one who's engaged.

You really wanna

stick to your theory

that you're not jealous of me?

I'm sorry.

What does my engagement

- have to do with you?

- Everything.

And it proves my point

that you always

have to be

the center of attention.

You just couldn't deal

with the fact that my wedding

was gonna preoccupy the family

for the rest of the year.

I'm sorry. What wedding are

you talking about, exactly?

Because as I remember it,

you and Mr. Non-committal,

Mr. I-wanna-get-laid-

one-last-time,

broke up a few weeks ago.

Nice.

Okay. That was very ugly.

And it saddens me

that I had to witness that.

You are going to need

to apologize to your sister.

And I need to apologize to you.

I am so sorry, Tommy.

I promise you,

I give you my word.

I am never gonna see her again.

That said, I do need

to get over there right now,

because I left my wallet there

last night, so...

You, you left your wallet

there last night?

It happens.

Well, Dad, you are

a real piece of work.

And I'm just gonna

say one thing.

Or remind you, something

Uncle Pat likes to say,

"God is always testing us."

And you, Dad, you're failing.

Miserably.

Huh... Now you found

religion, huh?

Ai-yai-yai.

Unbelievable.

You let Patrick

stay here a month,

and what does he do?

He turns your son

into a Holy Roller.

What do they say?

No good deed goes unpunished.

Maybe you gotta

take some of the blame here.

You really do like Nina,

right? Always have.

Even thought that she could

be the one, but...

If the kid is against it,

you gotta walk away, right?

That's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go over there

and tell her it's over.

Barry, I've moved out.

I wanna thank you

for your hospitality.

Although I'd be remiss

to call it that.

See what happens when you're

always focused on yourself?

You end up doing

your own laundry again.

Love to the kids.

Last night was...

Was kind of eye-opening.

I don't... No, no.

I don't mean us.

I mean, about Karen.

I just feel like you're right.

- Yeah.

- I need to stay out of it.

It's her life. It's her life.

Look, I know at a certain point

you just have to surrender

control and let them go.

I know. I just don't like it.

It's just...

It's so heartbreaking

when they grow up, isn't it?

I know, I know.

Because, like, who are we,

if we are no longer parents?

Seriously, I don't even know

what to do with myself.

If I'm not

taking care of Karen...

- Yeah.

- Like, what... What do I do?

Yeah. Well, I'm not exactly

there yet,

given my two have moved

back into the house.

I'm actually jealous of that.

I wish Karen

wanted to live here.

Instead, I'm here all by myself.

I'm in this big house...

and It's just me.

All alone in this big,

empty house, huh?

- I kind of have a thought.

- No.

I wish there was

something I could do

to make that easier for you.

We're not doing that again.

It was a one-time thing.

And actually, if I'm being

accurate, it was...

It was a final hurrah,

if you will.

Well, it was a good one.

And I'm gonna surprise you...

that I actually agree with you.

Oh...

I've just been thinking,

for the sake of the kids,

we have to put an end

to our shenanigans.

You should have heard

how pissed off Tommy was

at me this morning.

And I just don't wanna

risk it, all right?

Because if this actually

works out with them,

you and I are gonna be seeing

a lot more of one another.

- Yep.

- We have to control ourselves.

Correct.

I'm not mad at that.

It's gonna take a lot

of discipline

- on my part, but...

- I'm wearing leopard.

k*lling me.

Look, I'm gonna be blunt.

We gotta call

this whole thing off.

I mean, it's too much,

too soon and too crazy.

And then there's the sh*t

with our parents.

It makes it way too complicated.

Oh, thank God.

I feel the exact same way.

Really?

That is such a relief.

Is it too much to ask

for my ring back?

Oh, no. Of course.

Thanks.

- You sad?

- No.

If I'm being completely honest,

I feel relieved

more than anything.

- Yeah, me too.

- Yeah.

But we can still date

or hang out, right?

Yeah.

We don't have to be engaged

to do that, we can just...

be a couple, but less serious.

No. Of course.

First of all,

that's not even in our nature.

That's not even our thing.

- Being serious.

- No.

And secondly, I really like you.

Aww...

I mean,

I love you.

I'm just not ready for the whole

"Till death do us part" thing.

Absolutely. 100 percent.

Hey, what's going on?

Anybody home?

I'm in here!

Pats, what are you doing?

It's the middle of the day.

What are you still doing

in your PJs?

I'm depressed.

This is what I do

when I'm depressed.

Leave me alone.

Haven't you done enough already?

I don't understand.

Why is everything

that happens in this house

my fault?

Maybe because it is.

Okay, okay.

I'll leave you alone.

Unbelievable.

Hello!

What can I do for you,

young man?

Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Really? Huh...

All right, then.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Your secret is safe with me.

I promise you.

I will not say a word to her.

Who was that?

You're not gonna believe it.

But that was our man, TJ.

- What'd he say?

- It's not good news.

He was calling

to get my blessing.

He wants to re-propose.

Is that what you just told him

you wouldn't tell me?

Yeah, but I figured you'd

wanna be in possession

of that information given,

you know, the month you've had,

I'd hate for you to get

blindsided again, you know?

No, I guess not.

Well, did he say

when he was gonna do it?

Yeah. Yeah. He said

he'll be here any second.

Oh. Any f*cking second.

Yeah. And that would

probably be him.

- I'm gonna guess...

- I haven't even showered yet.

I'll be right there!

Yeah. But, Pats, look,

you do not need to say yes.

He called for my blessing,

but I didn't actually

give it to him.

So factor that into your

consideration, maybe?

Enough already!

Oh. What are you doing here?

Okay, well,

I was sitting at work,

and I just realized

what I wanted my future...

our future, to look like.

And that's why

I needed to see you.

Oh, no.

- Terrence Joseph, stand up.

- No, no, no. It's okay.

Please, stand up.

Then, what is it?

I'm just not sure that we

should jump right back in

and get re-engaged so quickly.

It's because I slept

with that girl, isn't it?

I knew

I shouldn't have told you.

Well, sort of.

But not entirely.

Because, you see,

I slept with someone, too.

And it's got me really confused.

And I just think

we would both really benefit

from a little more time apart.

Okay. Whoa, whoa! Hold up.

You slept with someone?

- Yeah.

- But why?

Why?

Wait, I didn't think

you wanted to.

Well, I guess I had

my curiosities as well.

Jesus.

Wow, I did not see

that coming. Okay...

But you know what?

That's exactly what

you were supposed to do.

Okay? Look, this is good news.

- Is it?

- Yes.

Look, we needed a chance

to sow our wild oats,

like your Aunt Molly said.

This is exactly what we needed.

Yeah. But the problem is

now that we've opened that door,

you know, how do we close it?

It's like the whole

genie in a bottle,

can't put the toothpaste

back in the tube,

can't un-crack that egg.

Well, I'm not sure I follow.

Well...

we've both had a taste

of what else is out there

and maybe because of that,

your taste can change.

Wait...

Are you saying you like

this guy you slept with?

I don't know. Maybe.

But what I do know

is I'm just not ready

to say yes to forever.

f*ck.

I'm such a f*cking jerk off.

Kinda.

I'm sorry.

I know you're a great fit

for me on paper,

and you have a perfect resume

for the life I've always

envisioned. It's just...

I think it's time

I start to lead with my heart

and not my head, you know?

Actually,

it's not even my heart

I have to listen to.

It's...

some other... impulse.

I gotta go.

Wh... Wh... Where?

Patty, come on.

Patty!

Hi.

Is Sam here?

Oh, look who it is.

The dream girl

who howls at the moon.

It's good to see you again.

So, this is her?

This is the one

he's so crazy about.

Hey, Tinkerbell,

let me ask you something.

You think that was nice

to use our brother like that?

You weren't aware

of how he felt?

Didn't you know he's been

carryin' a torch for you?

A torch?

A torch!

Fifteen years, he's been

carrying that torch.

Fifteen years, and then

she goes and uses him for sex.

Like he's some

kind of piece of meat.

Some crayons.

Relax... Whoa. Hi.

- Hi.

- What are you doing here?

I was kind of hoping

we could talk.

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

You met the Three Stooges,

my sisters

Cathy, Carla, Christine.

Girls, this is Patty McMullen.

Oh, yeah, we met already.

That was you, right?

Thank you.

You know what?

We're gonna talk outside.

We're gonna talk outside,

far away from here.

- Say bye.

- Bye.

They're a little

overprotective and...

just a lot crazy.

- Yeah.

- So...

What's... What's going on?

I broke off my engagement.

Or I didn't get re-engaged.

Either way, we broke up.

It's over and that's a really

big deal for me,

because for the first time

in my life,

I don't know

what I'm gonna do next.

You don't know this about me,

but I'm a planner.

- Yeah.

- I've had my whole life

planned out

since I was a little girl.

A lot of goals,

a lot of to do lists,

things to get done

by a certain age, but...

I decided I'm not gonna

do that anymore.

I've decided I'm just gonna

live my life

and throw caution to the wind

and let it take me where

it's gonna take me and...

Oh, well.

Right now,

it's taking me to you.

I can't tell you

how happy that makes me.

- Can I kiss you now?

- Come here.

Can I just say...

...how happy I am

that I no longer have

to host Thanksgiving?

Patrick, I think this is

a great new tradition.

We all get to come home

to Long Island

and you get

to do all the cooking.

I will second that

because it is my pleasure.

Now, I'd like to say

a little prayer

before we eat.

Okay, and let's

not overdo it, Patrick,

because remember, Thanksgiving

is not a religious holiday.

All right? And we're all

friggin' starving as well.

Jesus died on the cross,

for you, Barry.

You especially.

Think you can give him

30 seconds back?

Don't listen to him, Uncle Pat.

Take as much time as you need.

Thank you.

This was our mother's

favorite blessing.

Should we all join hands?

We really think

that's necessary?

I'll do it.

We gotta do it!

- Come on.

- Thank you, Molly.

Thank you, Molly.

May love and laughter

light your days

and warm your heart and home.

May good and faithful friends

be yours

wherever you may roam.

May peace and plenty

bless your world

with joy that long endures

and may all life's

passing seasons...

bring the best to you and yours.

Amen.

Amen.

Can I...

Can I also just say...

My mother, your grandma,

always used to say

that gratitude is not just

the blessings that you have...

"But what you do with them."

- Exactly. Yeah.

- Yeah.

Then I'd say

this is a blessing...

- Oh, yeah.

- ...done right.

- Oh.

- Hey.

Hey, guys, come on.

Leave room for Jesus.

Does anyone else have a toast

or a blessing from their mom?

My bubbe used to say,

"Having somewhere to go is home.

"Having someone

to love is family,

"and having both

is a blessing."

She said it in Yiddish,

so it sounded much better.

Come on, Walter.

All the new blood

are giving toasts.

Let's see what you got.

Okay. In keeping

with blessings and gratitude,

can I just say that

when God gives you

a second chance...

you don't take it for granted.

And I don't.

I'd... I'd love

to say something,

Mr. McMullen,

if that's all right,

"Mr. McMullen?"

I love this kid.

Please, Sam.

Which roughly translates to...

"A man can never shine

without his family

at the table."

All right, I would like

to make a toast.

I wanted to say,

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving.

I am so grateful for every

single person at this table.

And second, you know,

families aren't perfect.

And this one is no exception.

But I think we're doing

pretty great.

So please raise your glasses

to the Family McMullen.