Keeper (2025)

[bunniefuu]

So you call this

punk music?

Oh, my God.

You're a punk.

Huh? I'm not a punk.

Yeah, you're

a f*cking punk.

No, I'm not

a f*cking punk. I'm a...

I mean,

I don't know what I am, but...

So where are you going?

Um... to the... country

with... Malcolm.

Uh, to a cabin, I guess.

Like, his cabin.

A city subway rat

like you

at a cabin in the woods?

Yeah, it'll be

my first time up there.

Well, f*ck.

It's been a while, huh?

Yeah, almost a year.

Wow,

that's gotta be, like,

an unofficial record for you.

No, shut up.

Uh-oh,

better break up.

No, no uh-ohs.

What are you thinking?

Nothing.

So, what are

you wearing?

What does a person wear

to a cabin?

It's, like, buffalo plaid?

He got me a cardigan.

Is it... is it beige?

- It is. It is beige.

- Ugh.

I don't even think I've ever

heard you say "beige" before.

I didn't even think

-you knew the b*tch.

-I don't even know the b*tch.

So, does he want kids?

I don't... uh, we--

we haven't talked about that.

Don't you think

you should?

Uh, well, you know,

I've never

pictured myself as a mother.

So... are you happy?

Yeah.

And he's

still not hiding

a wife and kids

in the basement?

No. No secret family.

Just... him and...

just the two of us.

f*ck, it is...

it's trippy as sh*t

talking to you like this.

Call me sometime, okay?

...draw the line.

-Make yourself at home.

-Uh-huh.

Oh!

First things first.

-Your masterpiece.

-Mm-hmm.

Knock yourself out.

Come on. Ooh.

Here we go.

Somebody left you a cake.

Uh, yeah,

the caretaker.

Yeah, it's a bit of a tradition.

Her way of making up

for being so bad

at taking care of the place.

Hey, come take a look!

The crown jewel

of my collection!

-So, what do you think?

-Mm-hmm...

"Mm-hmm"? "Mm-hmm"?

- That's it?

- Mm-hmm...

- It looks good.

- Oh, it's good.

It's good. It's great.

I love it.

-You're good.

-Mm.

Like, really, really good.

You know that?

-Mm-hmm.

-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm is right.

Oh!

Who lives there?

-Just my cousin, Darren.

-Hm.

Not my family's

proudest contribution

to civilization, but...

he won't bother us.

Good old weird

and cranky recluse,

Cousin Darren?

Actually, he just goes

by regular as*h*le,

Cousin Darren.

But, uh,

I didn't see his car, so...

Hmm.

I'm gonna start

getting things ready

-for dinner, okay?

-Sounds good.

Ah...

Mm.

Malcolm?

You say something?

No. Nothing.

Oh. Okay.

I'm not a punk.

Not a punk.

No, I don't know

what I am, but...

I thought you'd be happier

seeing your painting up.

You know how I feel about it.

It's decorative,

and that's fine.

No. No, but you made that,

you know?

If I could do what you do,

I don't think

I could stop myself.

I'd just be doing

it all the time,

again and again and again

and again and again.

You--you sound

like that old joke.

What was it?

If men had t*ts, they'd never

stop playing with them?

Yeah. Yeah, well,

if men had breasts...

Rome definitely would not

have been built in a day.

Oh.

Are you expecting someone?

No.

The caretaker... whatever?

At this hour?

No, uh, no, of course not.

- Very insistent.

- Damn it.

- It's Cousin Darren.

- No.

And his date.

No!

I can see you.

I'm going to let him in.

Okay.

Malcolm!

Hey-hey-hey!

What's going on?

Cousin Darren, Liz.

- Liz, Cousin Darren.

- Hi.

- Yup! Hah.

- And, uh...

Minka!

Minka's a model.

- Minka.

- Oh, cool.

- Yeah.

- Hello, Minka.

Keep trying.

Yeah, yeah. Heh-heh-heh.

But, uh, not a lick

of English, this one.

No speaky.

See?

It's Eastern European.

One of the "ania" ones.

Not Transylvania,

but almost Transylvania.

-Right, babe?

-Wow.

No? Who cares?

She loves,

loves, loves her Molly,

though, doesn't she, babe?

Yeah, yeah.

I wish you'd told me

that you'd be stopping by.

- I'd have made more.

- Oh, no problem.

We already had ours.

Couldn't wait!

Plus, we wouldn't want

to intrude on your special...

night of nights.

Yeah.

Malcolm's a romantic one.

Always has been. The slow one.

Uh...

Cousin, a...

a word in the other room?

Excuse me a minute.

You okay?

Tastes like sh*t.

Okay!

Time to go.

Upsy-daisies.

Let's let the lovebirds

have their privacy.

She's a keeper, cousin.

Don't wait too long

and let this one get away.

Huh?

Oopsies!

There you go.

You're all right.

Up, up, up.

You're okay. Yeah.

Out the door. Good job.

Night-night time. Come on, now.

You okay?

No. Liz, Liz isn't here anymore.

They had to scoop out her brains

to fill out her t*ts.

See, I can only apologize

for my cousin.

You know, he was charming once,

but now he's just

a superficial, cowardly as*h*le.

But...

...not you, right?

You don't go

for the 10 out of 10s

or whatever the f*ck...

with a little drawstring

in their back with...

with two or three

pre-recorded sentences.

Oh, where we go?

We go to clubbing now?

Come on, hey.

My cousin, he's a...

he's just an empty box,

you know, with a...

with a stupid f*cking bow on it.

And, uh, that box

is gonna stay empty

-unless he's willing to put a...

-But me?

The box that is me

has something in it.

Yeah, it's filled to the rim.

What are you talking about?

That's why I'm in love

with you, Liz.

And, uh...

And even more concerning

is, uh...

I like you.

I really, really...

like you.

It's weird that you paid me

for my painting.

It was for sale.

It had a price tag next to it,

and no little red dot to tell me

that somebody'd gotten

to it first.

And it spoke to me, you know?

It said... "Bring me home."

So I listened,

same as I did when I met you.

Hmm.

We exchanged money

after we exchanged spit

and everything else.

Yeah. It's just money,

Liz, you know?

If it is so upsetting to you,

you know,

you can give it to charity.

No, no, no, no.

I want to keep the money.

Mm!

I want to keep all...

the Westbridge money

so I can throw it back

in your face someday.

-I think I might like that.

-Oh...

Yeah, I bet you would.

Wait.

Just wait.

The cake.

The cake.

- The cake?!

- Just--you're gonna love it.

Just please, just sit, sit.

Two seconds.

Okay.

The caretaker,

she--she can't keep...

mice out of the walls but, uh...

but she... she makes

a really great cake.

-Mm. I don't like chocolate.

-What? Since when?

Since... forever,

since I was a kid,

since the entire time

we've been together.

Oh, well, sh*t.

I'm...

I'm an as*h*le.

I thought all women

liked chocolate.

Classic Westbridge boy.

I guess I got more of my cousin

in me than I thought.

It's really good, though.

So?

Tastes like sh*t.

Oh...

I hate being outside.

f*ck. I wish for Uber.

Hi?

Oh, f*cking you, a*s-in-holes!

There you are.

Sorry.

Morning.

You feeling okay?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, yeah. Um...

I got a patient coming out

of a medically induced

coma today,

and, uh...

and I'm just waiting

for somebody to tell me

she's all clear.

Mrs. Portnoy. Yeah.

A darling old gal, and I'm...

I'm pulling for her.

What are you drawing?

Nothing.

Malcolm?

Malcolm?

f*ck!

f*ck. Bad--bad--bad news, hon.

What happened?

Uh, Mrs. Portnoy, she's, uh...

She's not waking up. Yeah.

Her kids are there

at the hospital.

Daughter's inconsolable.

Oh, sh*t!

- Yeah.

- So what?

So I--I gotta--I gotta go.

I gotta go deal with it.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm--I'm--I'm...

I'm really sorry.

But duty calls.

Um, you know,

and if--if everything goes

the way these things

normally go...

How do these things normally go?

She'll wake up, you know?

But I'm--I'm not

worried about her.

I'm worried about you.

It's fine.

I think I'll just maybe...

...settle in here.

Okay.

Okay. Uh, the--the--the fridge

is stocked.

There's wine

in the kitchen.

And, uh...

there's good wine

in the basement,

if you feel like celebrating.

When will you be back?

Six.

Six.

With traffic,

seven at the latest.

It's fine.

I'm fine.

I can handle myself.

You go. Go fulfill your oath.

I'll just be here,

looking through your drawers.

Okay.

Okay.

Hello?

I'm spying on

the rich neighbors.

And... you said call, so...

You at your cabin?

Oh, it's not my cabin.

- Not yet.

- Ha-ha.

So, what is it,

like, some fortress, or...

No, hardly.

Privacy's, like,

not really a thing.

The bathroom's the only room

with a door that locks,

and it's all windows

with zero blinds.

Horrifying!

Yeah. Also, I feel

like I took mushrooms.

Well, is that

because you took mushrooms?

And the man

of the house,

what's he up to?

Hello? Liz?

No, I'm here.

Uh, Malcolm went into the city,

so I'm just kind of, like...

snoopin', not snoopin'.

Wait,

he left you alone there?

Yeah. But it's nice, actually.

Oh, Liz.

He didn't want to.

He had to work.

Yeah, he had to work

his wife's p*ssy.

What the f*ck, Mags?

Listen, I'm just

telling it to you straight!

-You know what you are.

-And what am I?

-I don't want to say it.

-Yeah, so don't.

You're

a side piece, Liz.

Cool. Thanks.

Glad I can count on you.

Do you want me

to come get you?

-You don't have a car.

-This isn't

who you're supposed to be,

some kept woman in a house.

Kept? That sucks. f*ck you.

-f*cking hold on a minute--

-No, it's fine. Bye.

f*cking b*tch.

Oh, my God!

What?

Oh, Jesus!

How did you get inside?

I am inside now.

So am I.

Yeah...

What's going on?

You know what you are.

Is Darren with you?

You'll wake the children.

Where did you come from?

Where did you come from?

The distant past.

There.

There is why the children think

you are their mother.

Oh...

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t!

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Oh!

Okay.

I can see you!

Be a good

little Westbridge boy

and open the door.

What's done

is done, man.

I brought

our traditional libations!

He's not here.

Uh...

What--what was it again?

Was--was it... Linda?

No, uh, Liz, actually.

Where's Malcolm?

Uh, he had to go back

to the city to see a patient.

He'll be back any second.

He left you here alone

on your big weekend?

That's... not good.

Is... Minka with you?

Mind opening the door?

Yeah, uh... I, uh... I...

Maybe you should

come back later.

You caught me in the middle

of a nap, and I--

Yeah, how about you let me

into my own family's home?

Thank you. I'll be quick.

f*ck.

Where did he say he was going?

Uh, to the hospital

to see a patient.

Oh.

And you're just,

uh... hanging out?

Uh, yeah.

You like it out here?

You feeling good? Or...

- Yeah, it's good.

- Uh-huh.

So you had

a nice dinner?

What did you think

of the caretaker's cake?

Um, it was fine.

Yeah?

And, uh,

you feel sleepy?

You said

you were having a nap?

I love naps.

But you know what will

keep this party going?

What?

Scotch!

I'm really not in the mood.

Heh.

Malcolm's right,

you know.

There's something

special about you.

You're not like

all the other girls.

Yep, he does say that.

-One drink?

-Oh...

Come on.

Sure. What the hell?

Uh, you know

where the glasses are?

Mm-hmm.

-Where are you going?

-Uh...

- The bathroom.

- Okay.

Go away!

sh*t!

But that's all right.

No need

to call me back, bro.

You've reached

the voice mailbox

of Dr. Malcolm Westbridge.

Um, Malcolm...

Your cousin was here.

He seemed surprised that I was.

Can you just be here already?

Malcolm?

Oh!

Oh!

Uh...

Okay. There we go.

Hey.

Oh, sh*t, I'm sorry. Could--

Any chance you're still

willing to come get me?

The f*ck?

Heh, I--I--I just need to get

the f*ck out of here.

Uh... There's something...

I don't know, this...

There's something wrong.

- Can you get up here?

- Oh... um...

Yeah.

Sure, I guess. Of cour...

...me just...

throw the...

I hate the f*cking country.

Oh... you're cutting out?

Huh, what?

Just telling it... straight.

Are you--are you

gonna come get me?

No.

You're the mother.

What the f*ck are you

talking about?!

Just tell me

you're coming to get me.

Tell me that you're right now

figuring out a car.

Maggie?

God!

Liz.

I called you a bunch of times.

There were people here.

I'm leaving.

Well, no--what? Uh, people...

Uh, no. What do you mean,

you're leaving?

Hey, what's going on?

Who the f*ck was that woman

who just shows up?

A woman, what woman?

An old lady

with a bag on her head?

Is that the...

is that the caretaker?

I don't understand. A--a bag?

She--she put a bag?

It was f*cking creepy

and f*cked up!

She had a...

a f*cking plastic bag

on her face!

Yeah. That sounds awful.

I'm sorry, honey, but can we

please just calm down?

No, no, no, no, no!

Your--your cousin was here, too!

-He just dropped in.

-What?

-Yeah!

-Darren w--?

Yeah, he just, he seemed

pretty f*cking surprised

that I was here, too.

What the f*ck, Malcolm?!

Is he still here? Darren!

No! I don't know.

He just showed up

and then he left

without saying anything.

He left his watch

in the f*cking sink.

Don't ask me!

What? No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

Please, please, please, please.

-No, I'm leaving.

-You can't just leave.

I'm leaving. I don't feel well.

I... I... This place isn't...

This place isn't right for me.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Just... Let's just...

Okay? Just a half hour.

I just need a half hour.

I just need a...

I--I--I got to do a few things.

Just... But what can I do?

Tell me what you want me to do.

Go search the house!

Search the house? Okay.

Make sure

that they're... all gone!

Okay. Okay. I'll make sure.

Sure. All right.

Okay, take your coat off.

Please, honey.

My God.

Anybody here?

Hello?

Where are you,

you sneaky b*tches?

Anybody here?

-BOO!

-Oh, my God.

What are you holding?

Hmm...

Hmm? Oh, yeah.

Uh...

Oh.

Look what I found.

I'm sorry I left you alone.

- Yeah, you are.

- Mm-hmm.

-You're a d*ck.

-Yes, I am.

Yep.

Shall we have a glass?

- A glass?

- Yeah.

Come on.

Oh.

Oh, I love watching you smile.

Hmm.

You're a liar.

What?

What are you talking about?

You're

a f*cking liar.

- What?

- Mm-hmm.

You said

you'd be back way later.

Oh.

Well, what can I say?

There was no traffic

on the bridge.

How's Mrs. Portnoy?

Who's Mrs. Portnoy?

Oh. Heh.

How terribly cold

the heart of a doctor can be.

How quickly I can

set work aside when...

when I'm--I'm looking

at the woman that I love.

- Hmm.

- Mm.

-She died.

-Oh, no.

Yeah, she died.

She died, um, peacefully.

Mm-hmm.

-Her children were by her side.

-Aww.

I think... I think

that is the... very most that...

-Yeah.

-...any of us can ask for.

-Yeah, that's good.

-Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

- Do you want more?

- Sure.

Ah. Hey, hey!

Where are you going?

Tell me what you want. Tell me

what you want, I'll get it.

- Bathroom.

- Okay.

Well, I can't help you there.

Stupid, stupid, f*cking idiot.

You feeling okay?

Hey, just a second.

Please tell me

you're not pregnant.

Uh, no, I'm all good.

Just peeing.

Why don't you

come out of there

so we can talk about this?

Talk about what?

Oh.

It's not

what you think.

So you're not married?

You weren't just in the city

with your wife?

I wasn't

in the city with my wife.

I'm not married.

Look, Liz,

I f*cked up and you caught me.

Come on,

just open the door.

I just want

to talk to you about it.

It doesn't really lock. Uh...

It's just, it's more hospitable

to let it feel like it does.

What--what is this?

-Can I see that?

-Who is this?

Who the f*ck is this?

It was a long time ago.

That's you, isn't it?

How the f*ck is this you?

I--I--I want to leave now.

I...

I understand,

but I can't let you do that.

You can't let me do that?!

Who the f*ck are you?!

I'm Malcolm Westbridge.

I'm your friend. I'm your lover.

I'm the same man

that you've known for a year.

I'm a doctor.

I'm a decent guy.

I save lives when I can.

When I can't, I can't.

But there's a bunch

of other stuff, too.

I want to go.

I understand.

It's just...

Hmm.

Can we just sit

in the living room,

you know,

just talk for a minute?

I'm not

f*cking sitting down.

It's a pretty

good offer, considering.

Oh.

Come on.

Would it matter

if I said that, um...

I never wanted you to suffer?

Because I love you. I do.

And what is about to happen

is not in vain.

It is

the most beautiful act of love

one could ever commit.

You're giving me life.

Malcolm, whatever you think

you need to say to me, just...

Just go back to your family.

And let me go.

One nibble of the cake. One!

One nibble of the cake,

and the lion turns lamb,

limp and languid.

It was supposed

to knock you out.

But you had

to go ahead

and eat the whole thing.

You're... I should've

known you'd be different.

They present themselves

to you as women, do they?

Because that

they are not.

In truth, I--I--I

don't know what they are, um,

and I've known them a long time,

a long time.

Uh...

- Malcolm...

- Yes, Liz?

What the f*ck

are you talking about?

Yeah, Darren and I,

we were--we were kids

when we found their mother...

in that creek you saw.

That was

more than 200 years ago.

But somehow,

you look exactly like her.

She was

a beautiful woman,

their mother.

But she was

a trespasser

on my father's land.

We'd seen her

many times before,

dancing naked in the river

by the light of the moon.

And that

wasn't allowed.

We threw her

in with the swine...

...not caring about her

or whatever b*stard

she was carrying.

When we returned,

we saw she'd given birth.

But to what?

Malcolm...

j--just let me go.

Just let me leave.

So the fairy tale goes,

the lowly fisherman draws

in his line

and finds ensnared

on its hook a fish.

To the lowly fisherman,

the fish speaks,

a voice escaping its...

white and throbbing throat.

"Pray you, kind sir,

throw me back into my ocean,"

the dying fish says,

"and I will grant you

three wishes."

Why doesn't the fish

wish itself off the hook?

Why doesn't it grant

itself its own freedom?

Perhaps

because it knows...

it is nothing more than a fish.

The creatures

that live in this house,

in these woods...

they're the fish on the hook,

incapable of imagining

their own freedoms.

While we, the perfect

little Westbridge boys,

we see our wishes granted

for all time.

We are given

life eternal

while they cringe and cower

and feed in the shadows

of our houses,

unseen and unloved,

standing in their own piss.

And when

they get hungry,

...when the wailing

of their hunger pangs grows

too loud for the neighbors,

we feed them.

Malcolm...

you love me.

You said that.

Yes, and that--

that is--that is why

I--I don't stay to watch

or to listen when it happens.

Uh... Malcolm, let's go back.

I want to go back...

to before.

Mm-hmm, to when we didn't know

each other,

to then.

Can we do that?

Can we just do that?

Just when...

we didn't know....

we didn't know any of this?

You're gonna die, Liz.

Oh, my...

So I can...

live a little longer.

It's gonna happen

in this house.

A wooden box

for your coffin.

I wish it weren't so.

Oh, I really do.

But it is.

Be thankful

I'm not my neighbors

up the way on Teacup Road.

Standing next to them,

Darren and I were

perfect little gentlemen.

They seal the place.

Don't ask me how,

it's their magic.

f*ck!

No, no, no...

Oh...

Ah! Ah!

Guess what I found?

Hi, Julia.

Hey, Leslie.

Francis.

Louise.

Meet Liz.

Oh...

What the f*ck?

What are you?

Your children.

And all the women

that came before.

NO!

NO!

NO! NO--

Ah...

Ah...

Help!

Help!

Hey!

Help!

Morning.

Liz?

Oh, thank God.

Cut me down from here.

Please.

Please.

Please!

Liz,

what did they do to you?

They asked me to stay.

But this is my...

This is my house.

Oh.

I'm the master here!

You live here

'cause I live here.

No... I don't want any.

Malcolm.

- Oh.

- I don't want any.

Mm. Malcolm, listen...

This fork is going

into your face

one way or another.

Might as well taste good.

I never wanted to hurt you.

You didn't. I'm fine.

Now here comes

the airplane.

That's a good little

Westbridge boy.

Oh, Malcolm.

You were the one...

I really loved.

I bet you say

that to all the girls.