01x07 - Driftwood

[bunniefuu]

Yeah. Mm.

Ah.

Ah.

Unggh!

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

I had a wet dream.

A what?

A wet dream!

- Mm.
- Like a f*cking teenage boy.

I feel pathetic.

It's not funny!

We need to do
something about it.

Can't you just rub one
out every now and again?

- I shouldn't have to!
- OK. I'm going to work.

Yeah, well, I'll be
able to contribute more

once I sell the boat.

Probably why I had the stupid
dream in the first place.

Maybe next time have
a dream about...

..getting a job.

Well, you don't
judge me, do you?

Hm?

- Yo.
- You wanna wag, eh?

How'd you know?

I've been waiting for
this call for weeks.

You've been neglecting me, man.

You up for a session, cuz?

Of course, man, how's
that even a question?

Alright, meet me in 10.

Let's have a look.

Oh, bingo!

Hippy baby boomer. Let's go!

Family holiday.

- Ahoy!
- Ahoy.

I'm Birdie. I'm
here for the boat.

Oh, yeah. I'm Dom. How are you?

Good, thanks. So, um, I think
your boat might be underwater.

What?

Oh.

Oh, yeah, no, I didn't
mention that it was underwater

in the advertisement?

Pretty sure it was on top
of the water in the photos.

Yeah, well, I didn't
want to be too boastful

about its submarine
capabilities.

Indeed, yeah.

This is a much more
subtle way to sell a boat.

I'm sorry. f*ck.

It sunk overnight?

There's a small valve issue
that I was gonna fix up,

but I'm... sorry.

At least you weren't on it.

Or you.

Who's this little one?

Oh, this is my granddaughter.
This is Jacinda.

Named after the New
Zealand prime minister.

- Granddaughter?
- Yeah.

Some people think I'm too
young to be a grandfather.

Hm. Glass half full.

Or boat half sunk.

Yeah.

Ohhh!

Uce!

- That's potent.
- We should...

No, no, no, no.
What are you doing?

- Cutting some nuts, man.
- No, no, no, no.

Let's replant this sucker
behind the bushes in the park.

- I want to get high and relax.
- Yeah, for now.

What about next
week? Or next month?

You think being a father's
gonna get easier. No.

Look at this bad boy.

We need something
to wrap the roots.

Right, yeah.

Easy-peasy.

- Oh!
- This is perfect, man.

- This is perfect too.
- Ha-ha.

Hey, have you seen Santi today?

I thought you knew.

Lover boy's AWOL.

Hm.

- Here, look.
- Welcome to my life!

Look who we have.
Santiago!

We're out
here doing some...

..naughty things.

Vince, what are you doing?

Looking fly as f*ck in
a samurai outfit, man.

Pretty sure it's
called a kimono, bro.

It's called fashion, my G.

- Can you help me wrap this up?
- Yeah, of course. Later on.

You thieving, scumbag
pieces of sh*t!

I have a medical condition!

- Yah!
- What the f*ck?

Try and run and I'll hammer
your heads into the ground.

We are so sorry, man.

I'll put the plant
down, see? See?

Do you know how long
I've been nurturing her?

Yeah, she's real potent.

Quick question, though.
What fertiliser do you use?

Blood and bone, made
of thieving deadshits.

Yeah, right.

Please, man, don't
call the cops.

- Yeah.
- I can't get a record.

Yeah, he's a father.

- Yeah, I'm a father.
- Yeah, we're both fathers.

- What?!
- What?

Sorry, no, just him.
He's just the father.

I'm not gonna call the police
over a stolen weed plant.

But you two are gonna replant
her right where she was.

Alright?

- Alright?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, OK.

Let's go.

Kimono.

- How'd you go, girl?
- Uh, yeah, good.

- Oh, no, that bad?
- I said, "Good."

I'm sorry,
man. This is my fault.

I've just been dealing
with a lot lately.

What's been happening?

It's me and Oly.

She's just...

Are you two fighting
or something?

No, it's nothing.

We can still hang out
with Reema, though, right?

Could you two please just go?

- Yeah.
- Uh-uh-uh. Out the back way.

Guess... guess why.

Yes! Sh-sh-sh-sh.

No, not you. Don't put
me on hold again...

Oh, don't put me on
hold again. f*ck ya.

It's OK, it's OK.

Sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh.

Oh, thank Christ!

Can you take her?

Why is she only
wearing one shoe?

- Why is her shoe wet?
- I'm on the phone.

Yeah, well, you
shouldn't be on the phone

when Jacinda's screaming.

Oh, thanks for the
parenting advice.

Shh.

- Had sex without a condom.
- What did you say?

Hm? Oh, I'm on the phone.

How did the... the
meeting with the buyer go?

Oh, um, the...

Uh, yes, no, no. I
don't mind waiting.

Yeah. Certainly.

It's the insurer.

This dealer's
taking forever, eh?

He's the only dealer that didn't
get raided last week, so...

f*ck this, man.

sh*t. He might be a cop, eh?

What?

- Think about it.
- Are you serious?

What did I say?

I said I'll be back with
your stash when I was ready.

But I'm running out of time
and I gotta go to work, so...

Time is an illusion.

Built on a lie,

which itself is on top of
another illusion about...

..it.

Just come inside.

Yeah, he's not a cop.

Hi, Bernardita.

Hi.

- Is Santi home?
- Santi should be home by now.

Oh. Hola!

- Could I ask...
- Yes?

Did Santi seem
upset this morning?

I don't think so. Why?

He didn't say anything to you?

No. Nothing. Why?

No reason.

OK, well, we have a
lot of work to do.

It was nice to see you.
Coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo!

Oh, OK.

Sorpresa, she must be hungry.

Oh! A little, actually.

Come inside and feed her. I
make you some pan con pebre.

Coo-kee-coo-kee-coo-kee!

Hey, man.

Would you ever,
like, get married?

Settle down, have kids,
that sort of thing?

Depends who it's with, man.

Like, me, personally, I don't
see the point of marriage.

But I would like
to value marriage

if my partner did,
you know what I mean?

Right.

Like, if it was Reema...

Pfft! Bollywood wedding
me already.

- Why do you ask?
- No reason, bro.

Oh, sh*t. Are you gonna
ask Oly to marry you?

Hypothetically...

..if I did, what do you reckon?

You should find out if she
loves you before you propose.

- I already did.
- Oh. She love you?

Vince, I already proposed.

Oh!

How'd that go?

Oh. That's rough.

Come here, man.

- It's alright.
- Hey, man, it's bullshit.

Marriage is bullshit anyway.

Big mistake. Big mistake.

Big mistake.

Unlike this roasted
chicken basted with weed.

Uce!

Is it any good?

Is it any f*ck' good?

It's infused with
my dankest crop.

Sweet.

sh*t, is that the time?

Bruh, I gotta go.

Just sit the f*ck down, will ya?

You're taste-testing this.

Let's just try it, uce,
real quick. Don't worry.

Oh.

Now, you be very,
very careful with Bluey.

He's fast.

Jeezy.

- Is there a lizard in there?
- Huh?

Is there a
lizard in there?

I don't think so, man.

Uce, what's going on in there?

I'm dedicated to Baby J, right?

Like... I'm a good dad.

I'm not perfect, but I'm...
a good person, you know?

You're a great person, OK?

Oly's just blinded by your aura.

You know what it is, man?

I think she thinks
she's too good for me.

You know what? Oly's
not even worth it.

Forget about her.

Bruh, how did you just
open that from the outside?

Gee. That wasn't me, uce.

I'm having bad thoughts, man.

Let's get the f*ck
outta here, bruh.

Hey, man, thanks for having
us, but we're gonna bounce.

Where's Bluey?

Don't you
mean when is Bluey?

When the f*ck is he, then?

Huh.

Ah, yes.

Maria broke her arm
on New Year's Eve.

Santi was so sad.

He made his own bandages
out of toilet paper.

- Aw!
- In solidarity.

He was only five.

- They're not too full, right?
- No, perfecto.

You did very good.

- See you there, mi amor.
- 'Bye.

Bye-bye.

Do you think Santi
went to the venue?

Maybe. You can come with me.
We can use the extra help.

No. Rosa can help you.

I need help preparing
the pastel de choclo.

OK.

If you don't mind.

Is that the one
with the corn in it?

Yes.

You eat my chicken,
you lose my lizard.

You boys are f*cked!

What if Bluey is here...

..and not here?

So maybe we can stop
looking so frantically.

Look, man, I'm really sorry
about your f*ck' lizard,

but I need to get to work.

Try to leave and
see what happens.

We're customers, right?

Let's all be
professional about this.

Pay me for the lizard
you disappeared, then.

How much?

Well, I got him for a hundred.

Hey, we don't have
that kind of money.

Mm-hm.

And I'm getting some
serious deja vu right now.

Can you
just excuse me?

I need you to focus,
OK? Look at me.

Are you sure you
lost the lizard?

I'm not exactly sure.

How about we tell him
we've already paid him

in another time line and
then we see what he says.

Hand it over...
right f*ck' now!

OK, so the thing is

we don't have that
kind of money.

But we... we can borrow it.

Not from any of our
friends. We're all povo.

I-I know a guy. He'll
be here in no time.

Alright.

But the longer you
make me wait, yeah?

Sebastian, closer... Closer
to the group, mi amor.

- Thanks for helping me today.
- My pleasure.

It was actually very meditative.

I'm glad to hear it.

Oly, Santi once told me

that you want to go to New
York and work for the UN.

He told you that?

You know, this is a good
country with good people.

Yeah, we're very
privileged here,

which means I should
try where I can

to help people less
fortunate live better lives.

But to have a strong family,
you must stay together.

You moved to
Australia, didn't you?

Sí, to protect my family
against many terrible things.

What you want to
do, it is for you.

You remind me of my daughter.
She was also very stubborn.

Which is a very good
thing for a woman to be.

Don't worry, he
will get it tonight.

That's his Colombian
half trying to escape.

Where's Santi?

- Hi, Rosa.
- Hi.

Tell me the truth, Oly.

Did that woman guilt
you into doing this?

What? No, no, I
want to help out.

Are you sure you're not
brainwashed, mi amor?

I mean, save your
hands and yourself.

Go home.

I think I really need
this to clear my head.

That's what I used to think.

Now look at me. Look where I am.

These beautiful nails, mi amor,
are on wash-up duty tonight.

Mum, if you teleport to the
North Pole without a jumper on

and then teleport
back, will you die?

Go play with your friends.
I'm busy. I'm working.

Stop asking stupid questions.

Who are you?

Did you call a f*ck' narc?

Me? No!

No, I'm totally cool.

Thanks, Dom. I'll pay you back.

He ate most of the chicken.

Where's the hundred,
then, for the lizard?

For Bluey?

Alright,
you can get out.

Go.

I remember my first.

Eh?

Wow.

May I?

Whoa.

How much marijuana might
I get for 50 bucks?

Congratulations, Doug.

Oh, look at bebé.

Sorpresa.

Hermano.

Hm!

Here you are, amigo.

Ah!

Ah, gracias.

To the health of
your granddaugter

and your son, Santi.

Where is he? I
haven't seen him yet.

- Salud.
- Salud.

Oh!

What are you laughing at?

Come and help us.

I don't trust your
stupid faces anyway.

Whatever!

Looks great. Did you make it?

No. But I made some
of the empanadas.

Oh, cool. I haven't seen
you before. I'm Patrick.

- Oly.
- Oly.

After this lame-a*s party,

some of us are heading to
Miguel's for some real fun.

- You should join.
- It's probably past my bedtime.

I have an eight-week-old.

Oh, you're not that white
Virgen María chick, are you?

f*ck off, pendejo,
or I will tell everyone

you have a little d*ck.

- What did he call me?
- Virgen María.

Virgin Mary. That's
what they call you.

- Who's 'they'?
- Don't worry about it.

It's not like the Virgen
María was a virgin anyway.

She probably had the same thing
you had and blame it on God.

Yeah.

That's a pretty gutsy move.

- What's Sorpresa doing here?
- She come with Oly.

- What?
- Oly have to cover for you.

She shouldn't have done that.

Huh!

Studying.

Santiago...

- Hey.
- Hey.

What were you thinking?

No, Oly and I, we're...
We're done. It's all good.

That's sad. That's very sad.

Even for you.

Excuse me.

Oly, can you help me find
Sebastian's handkerchief?

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

- Checked this one?
- No.

Auntie, do you want
to see my dance moves?

Um, I'm not your auntie.

Mm.

But did you know
that you're an uncle?

What? You're a liar.

Yeah, Sorpresa is your
brother's daughter,

which makes you an uncle.

What?!

What's going on?

What's going on with Angel?

We're working.

- Working?
- Yeah.

Every time I entered
a room with you two,

it felt like I was
interrupting something.

I thought I
was being paranoid.

It's between Angel and I.

You know what, Dad?

I don't need your sh*t anymore.

Oh, f*ck!

Don't you ever
walk away from me!

- She doesn't want me, OK?
- Not now.

I asked her to marry
me and she said no.

She's probably made
the right decision.

You'd be a terrible husband!

Oh, yeah? And how's Rosa?

Now, amigos, amigos,

let's make some room
on the dance floor

for the cueca!

Eso! Whoo!

Fff.

Hi.

Matias?

Everything alright?

Ah!