01x09 - All Happy Families

[bunniefuu]

Hola, mi amor, Baby J.

Mi amor, Baby J.

- Yo... Yo soy Oly Chalmers...
- No, 'zho'.

- That's what I said.
- No, you said 'yo'. 'Zho'.

'Zho'... 'Zho' soy
Oly Chalmers-Davis.

Santi! Oly! Dinner!

Ah! And I am never going home.

- Oh, baby!
- Oly, come and have a dance.

Do we really need
to be doing this?

I just want to see
what she looks like.

I'm just curious.

Oh.

- She looks fun.
- She is.

- But also professional.
- Ange, come on.

Was she wearing this fascinator
when Oly caught you f*cking her?

OK, sorry, that's too soon.

I don't know why I'm doing this.

I'm happy for you.

I don't want you
to be happy for me.

Why not?

Would you have told me
if Oly hadn't caught you?

Yeah.

Eventually.

- It's none of my business.
- Of course it's your business.

We haven't officially broken up.

I think we should
probably make things official.

Well, if we're doing it,
the kids need to know.

I think Oly has an idea.

- She needs to come home.
- You can't call her.

She's blocked you.

What? Oh, that is...

You've reached Ol.
Leave a message.

What? sh*t.

She better not have
blocked me too.

Bernardita...

..that was delicioso.

Such a good pronunciation.

Oly, will you be
staying with us again tonight?

Oh, um...

If that's OK.

- Of course it is.
- You are welcome here, Oly.

Thank you.

Dessert?

Yes, please.

Shall we help?

Yep.

- Oh, hello.
- Hi.

Sorry to surprise you. Um...

- Oly's here?
- Yeah.

- Um, you guys wanna come in...
- No.

OK. Suit yourself.

OK.

Have, um... have
you two been well?

Yeah. Yeah, good.

- Have we?
- Yeah, well...

- Hi, darling.
- What's going on?

- Well, I'll leave you to it.
- OK, see ya.

- Nice to see you guys again.
- Yeah.

- Hey, Ol.
- What do you want?

I know about... your dad
and his girlfriend, OK?

- And I'm OK with it.
- Oh, my God.

Are you guys in an
open relationship?

No, we're not in an
open relationship.

Are you guys, like,
swingers or something?

No, no, no, we're not swingers.

It's just... things
have changed.

Can you just come home so
we can talk about this?

What home? Dad wrecked it.

And apparently
you're OK with that.

So if it's all the same to
you, I'd like to go inside now

and be with a functional family

who actually want me
to be part of them.

And you can go ahead and have
your key parties or whatever...

Oh, my God.

- Sweetheart, I am so sorry...
- What's that?

In the box. What's in the box?

Oh, these are some chocolate
chip cookies I baked for you.

Oh, thank you.

See you.

We're gonna have a
meeting tomorrow, Ol.

You have to be there. 5pm.
Bowie's gonna Zoom in.

- It's a family meeting.
- You have to be there.

Fine.

Is that it?

Can I have a hug?

Can I have a hug
too, please, darling?

That was f*cked.

- I'm outta here.
- Where are you going?

To see my girlfriend!

My life is falling apart.

My marriage is over,
my daughter hates me...

I don't wanna hear that.

I want fun Dom.

I want rugged Dom with
the handsome c*ck.

This is your chance
to redefine yourself.

I remember who I
was, and I liked him.

But...

..I don't really have
any idea who I...

..want to be now.

- You're sexy, for one.
- Pfft, I'm so not.

Yes, you are.

Yes, I am.

And I'll be doubly so
once I resume kickboxing.

Oh, hello.

Do you know how
happy you make me?

- These aren't even that good.
- Mm.

They're terrible.

The worst.

It's because they
were made with guilt.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

Santi.

I can't concentrate
when you do that.

Want me to stop?

OK. Quickly.

No, not quickly.

I'll get up early to study.

It's gender inequality.

You boys and your
dad and your grandad

just sat there while
Bernardita cooked and cleaned.

- What did you want me to?
- Get up and help her.

- Why didn't you do that, then?
- Because I'm a guest.

And besides, I don't
want to contribute

to the archaic gender inequality
happening in your family home.

Yeah, it's not
1990 anymore, uce.

She didn't want to
do anything either.

Oh, well, yeah,
right on, sister!

Anyway, she likes doing
it. It's not like...

Being relegated to
cooking and cleaning.

It's not relegation, OK?

It's her way of expressing
her love for us.

It's like, you know,

it's so she doesn't feel
like she's freeloading.

- Oh-h*!
- What?

What's Alejandro's excuse?

- The guy's worked all his life.
- Uce, no.

And she hasn't worked all of
her life cleaning up after men?

What she is doing is work.

She is contributing to the
economy of your family.

And you haven't
worked all your life.

- So what's your excuse?
- Yeah, what's your excuse?

Shut the f*ck up, Vince.

Because I'm cute and my grandma
likes taking care of me.

Bernardita should get
treated like a queen.

- She does.
- We're cooking dinner tonight.

You're cleaning up.

Soft tacos. None of
that hard sh*t, please.

- Wallahi!
- Oh, my God!

Yas, Oly!

k*lling it. Hold on, let
me... Look, I need to...

- Let me work my magic.
- Is that Santi's hoodie?

- I think so.
- Oh, my God.

Harajuku realness.

- Hurry up.
- Reema.

OK, look. Yeah. You need bibi.

Here we go. Alright.
Hold on a minute.

- Hi, Zac.
- Alright, ready?

Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, perfect!

Like that. She was perfect.
Thank you very much.

- Oh, my God!
- Namaste. Let's go.

- It's looking good.
- Yep.

You look good.

- Vince.
- Yeah, I'll be back.

Thank you, sir.

You look
ridiculous. Let me take this.

Alright, sexy angel.

- I might need that back.
- What, this?

- Yeah, good luck with that.
- Hey.

- Have you studied?
- Have you?

Zac makes it pretty difficult.

He's always distracting me.

And I quite like it
when he distracts me.

That's why you and I
were a better team.

- I'm so gonna fail.
- Me too.

Yes!

- How you going?
- Hey.

Mwah!

- How's my baby girl?
- She's good.

Gonna watch Daddy razz
these panelbeaters?

See you soon, yeah?

What in the actual
are you doing?

We're in the library
waiting for you.

I'm studying.

Really?

It looks like you're
perving on your baby daddy.

I'm multitasking.

Come on!

You're watching soccer
training instead of studying.

What happened to you?

- Oh, my God.
- What?

- Oh, my m*therf*cking...
- What?

You're in love with Santi.

- What?
- You are! Look at you!

You are, like, totally, 100%,
head-over-heels in love!

- No, I'm not.
- Oh, really?

You totally are.

You've got one hour
to complete the papers, guys.

When you've finished,
please raise your hand

and just leave the papers on
the desk for us to collect.

- Any questions?
- Good luck.

Turn your papers
over and commence.

Let's run away to
a desert island.

We can just start a
whole new society.

And then our daughter
doesn't have to be f*cked up

by our f*cked-up
cultural inheritances.

Where do you want to go?

Chile.

- Are you serious?
- Yeah.

Yeah, that's it.
We'll go to Chile.

It's kind of the opposite of
escaping cultural inheritances.

No, I just mean escaping
my f*cked-up parents.

We fully could.

I've got family
everywhere over there.

We wouldn't have to
pay for anything.

I need to accelerate my Spanish.

You do, don't you?

What's the word for 'sky'?

Uh, cielo.

-Cielo -Yeah.

Um...

Floresitas.

Floresitas.

Feminista.

Te amo.

Te amo.

Mm-hm.

Can you say that in English?

I love you, Oly.

I love you, Santi.

As soon as we're able to travel.

It's, like, an hour
away from Santiago.

- OK.
- It's this cool beach town.

And my Tío Marcelo has an
apartment right on the water.

- Tío?
- Tío. 'Tío' is, like, 'uncle'.

- Uncle Marcelo.
- Tío.

And then 'tía' would
be, like, 'auntie'.

- Tía.
- Tía, tío.

- Tío, tía.
- Padre.

- Padre.
- Madre.

- Madre.
- Mum and Dad.

How do you say 'I
hate my parents'?

They're about to tell me
that they're separating.

Come here.

Why don't you just go in there,
get it over and done with...

..and then you can
come back home tonight.

We're cooking dinner
and I'm cleaning up.

You are such a crusader
for women's rights.

OK. I'll do it.

Could you take Jacinda?
I want a quick escape.

Um...

I've got to ref an
under-eights game tonight.

I'm sorry, I'm not
gonna be able...

- It's OK.
- Because I'm on the field...

It's all good.

Bye-bye, puchita!

OK.

Good luck.

This old guy with this amazing
face sold me this stuff,

and it's... it's like
it's the real thing,

so I'm bringing some
home for you, Dad.

And, Mum, I got
some silver for you.

Sounds like you're
really immersing yourself

in the culture.

Yeah, that's great, Bowie.

Hey, there she is! There's my
little sister. Where's my niece?

Hey, Jacinda!

Bring her closer. I want to
see if I can see her eyes.

Oh, she's beautiful, right?

How do you feel,
Ol? You made a life.

I'm just so great, Bowie.

I can't wait to have
this conversation

with you and Mum and Dad.

- I miss you guys.
- Yeah, we miss you too, mate.

Can we please get on with
this? I have somewhere to be.

Hey, I tried ayahuasca.

It totally twisted my brain.

It's like a whole
nother dimension.

OK, Bowie, we really
need to have a talk.

Yeah, yeah, cool.

You kids both know that
Mum and I love you both...

Great, Dad. Good start.

- Um...
- Um, listen...

It's kind of difficult
to talk about.

Your mum and I, um,

haven't really enjoyed
being together for a while,

and, um, we, um...

So we've decided
we're gonna split.

- Yeah.
- No-one's to blame.

- Um...
- We'll always be best friends.

And we want to make this
as easy for you kids as...

- He's dropped out.
- ..as we can.

What?

Oh, f*cking technology!

Great, this is
going well. Bowie.

I think...
..beyond that... as a shame...

- Darling.
- Bowie, mate, can you hear us?

I... taste music, and
each... smell had a colour.

- Avicii was like...
- Can you hear us?

- Hello? Are you...
- Yeah, you dropped out.

- It's the internet over here.
- Yeah, we...

We had to tell you that
we have to tell you...

Oh, sh*t, he's gone again.

- You guys mess everything up.
- OK, that's enough.

- I've switched to phone hotspot.
- Oh, good idea.

What were you saying?

- Well...
- They're splitting up.

Dad's having an affair.
Mum knows about it.

Family's dead. They're
not together anymore.

Come on, Ol.

Mum, is she serious?

- Yes.
- But...

Wh-what happened?
You were happy.

- It's complex, mate.
- Oh, it is so not complex.

You cheated.

- That was really mean, Oly.
- Mum, don't blame me.

He's crying 'cause of you.

You're acting like
a spoilt brat.

Oh, yeah? And where do you
think I get that from, Dad?

You're the one who
destroyed this family

because you couldn't keep
your d*ck in your pants.

Oh, Oly!

By the way, I failed
my exam today.

I've been having...

And me and Santi are taking
J to Chile as soon as we can.

- I'm using my uni funds.
- OK.

- That's not happening.
- That's not happening.

You don't get a say
in anything anymore.

I'm going now to my family

because I don't have
a family here anymore

because DAD WRECKED IT!

It's not
my f*cking fault!

I shat
myself on ayahuasca.

It's not my fault.

And, like,
this cartel guy...

Oly!

Darling, I have done something

to contribute to
this situation too.

How? Have you been
cheating on Dad?

No, I wouldn't call it cheating.

- But something happened.
- Sort of.

- With who?
- Just stop blaming...

It's not Mr Hernandez?

Oh, f*ck!

sh*t.

- Die!
- Boys!

Arggh!

Yah!

My Maria Paz was
christened in this.

- That's really pretty.
- Yes.

And Jacinda will be.

I have spoken to my priest.

Can we set a date?

- I'm not Catholic.
- No-one's perfect, except Jesus.

Come on. What have
you got to lose?

OK, you can christen her.

Good! Good!

You're a good girl.

You're the worst
player in the world!

Hey, sorry I'm late.
What can I do to help?

Take these.

Are you OK?

Did it go bad with Mum and Dad?

Hey, Gabe, grab another
two bowls for me, please.

Gracias, Alejandro.

A little bit of this.

- Smells weird.
- It's Japanese, man.

Yum, look at that.

- Oly made it.
- Thank you.

And Jacinda will be christened.

Thank you.

Sh!

Shh. That's OK.

I had fun tonight.

Ai-ai-ai.

Army guys tried to
pick me up tonight.

You know, they come
to male strip shows

to pick up at hens' nights.

- That's horrible!
- No, not horrible!

They're so much
fun to flirt with!

Oh.

You ever been to
a male strip club?

No.

Look at this.

Look at this.

Ah!

This one!

Ahhh.

Ah.

Hm.

I feel sorry for us.

What do you mean?

We always get stuck in the dark

with the babies.

Hm?

You know, I was top of
my school in Colombia.

Really.

Wow.

And then I came
here, try my luck.

Had babies.

Babies, they slow you down.