01x10 - Matrescence

[bunniefuu]

- Really?
- I made him do it.

That is a new frontier
of lameness.

Oh, come on, Oly, please.
Please!

Please, darling.

How's...
How's little Baby J?

She's not very big
on sleeping anymore.

Oh, no.

That's that four-month
sleep regression thing.

Hm.

So, did you tell Mr Hanover
why I'm not speaking to you

when you were drawing him
into this subterfuge?

Uh, no, not exactly.

I just cannot believe
that you did that, Mum.

You share a grandchild.

I'm really sorry.
Just, please, just come home.

It's not home anymore.

You broke it.

Uh, Croaker told me
about your exam results.

Oh, yes, and...?

I think he's right. I think you
should do your HSC part-time.

My PIP is literally
about the 132 million girls

who don't get to go to school.

- I know.
- Yes?

And now my mother wants me
to give up my education.

I'm not saying that!

What about Rosa? Does she know?

Thought not.

FYI, I'm getting Jacinda
christened.

In a church. Bernard it a
says you have to come.

Maybe you should
sit next to Rosa

seeing as though
you have so much in common.

- Everything OK?
- She was a shitty baby.

She didn't sleep for two years.

I gave up work
until she went to school.

I... I did everything.

You raise a child for 16 years

and she is
so f*cking ungrateful.

She's getting Baby J christened.

In a church?

No, in a servo.
Yes, in a church.

Whew. Wow!

sh*t, eh?

Wow, I don't... I don't know,
I suppose...

...live and let live, huh?

Sorry?

What the f*ck is going on today?
Is everyone insane?

Well, presumably
it's the old girl's idea.

Might be her dying wish.

But fair enough.
What's the harm?

What's the harm?!

Our daughter has left us!

And she is going against
everything that she believes in!

Our beautiful granddaughter is
going to be used as a warm prop

in a piece of political theatre

by a protection racket
for paedophiles

and male supremacists,

as you and Oly
usually refer to the Church.

You don't mind?

I've been focusing my energies
on forgiving others.

I mean, you should try it, Ange.

Oh! Mm!

We could have
the after-party here.

Oh, my God.

This little jerk

wanted to play between 2:30
and 5:30 this morning.

- Where is everyone?
- It's Saturday.

Hello, Olympia, have you met
the Hernandez family?

Saturday, football. Tea?

Yeah, please. Thank you.

Get the ball. Jujo, move up!

Joel.

Go!

Go, go, go!

Goal!

Did you know that less than half
the countries in the world

have achieved gender parity
at high school level?

- Is that right?
- Yeah.

- Why aren't we protesting this?
- I don't know.

What are you wearing tomorrow
for the christening?

- I hadn't thought about it.
- Hm!

That's the Rocky I want to see.

Good boy! Well done!

Well done, guys. Well played.

Sh.

You guys sit over there.
Everybody else over here.

Hey! What's up?

Hey, will you come home later?

Uh, probably in a few hours.

I have to stay back and ref
another game. Is everything OK?

- Ol?
- Well, um, I don't know.

'Cause I've got my...
project to finish.

- Um, is Ita home?
- Go, Jujo!

She's shopping with Rosa.

Uh... Go, boys!

Santiago.
Mate, you're refereeing.

Hey, don't even
think about it, Puffy.

That's keeper's ball.

I'm so sorry, Ol, I gotta go.

It's alright. J will help me
finish my assignment.

Won't you?

OK, 'bye.

Alright, 'bye! 'Bye.

Ohhh!

11 million girls
are at risk of...

Oly.

11 million girls
will never go back to school

because of the pandemic.

- How come?
- Religion.

Nothing scares them more
than a girl with a book.

- Ma la la?
- Yeah.

Do you have to work on this
right now?

Well, it's a week overdue, so...

I would have done it yesterday,

but it didn't really work out
with soccer and everything.

- Ol, have you had any sleep?
- No.

Come on, chill out.
Come back to bed.

Chilling out doesn't
really work out great for me.

What?

The last time I chilled out,
I f*cked up and I had a baby.

And my parents lost it
and my family broke.

Oh, and I failed
the half-yearlies

because I was spending
too much time with you,

so I don't think I will be
doing that, thank you.

Oh, hey, good party last night?

You were pretty stoned
when you got home.

Maybe that's why you didn't
wake up when J was crying.

I'm sorry, are you saying
having Baby J was a f*ck-up?

What would you call it?

You know the christening's
today, right?

- Like, in a few hours.
- I'm aware.

Don't you look pretty now?

Uh-uh. Stand up straight.

So, boobs out.
And smile, Olympia!

You look like
you're going to a funeral.

My daughter, my Santi

and now our Sorpresa.

Are all the guests
arriving already?

I thought it was just
immediate family.

Family and friends.

- Here.
- Oh, no.

You were going to wear your ugly
boots to Sorpresa's baptism?

Here, put them on. Let's go.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You OK?
- Yep.

- You look...
- No.

OK.

Alrighty.

So, I'll talk you through
the main points.

You don't have to worry. Cool?

So after you say
the baby's full name,

I'll ask both the parents
and the godparents

if you're willing
to raise a baby in the faith.

And then you'll say...

Sweet, yeah. Easy.

I mean, I'm... I'm Muslim,
so I don't know if...

Well, perhaps if I
just ask the parents.

Uh...

Yes, we are?

Awesome.

Santiago and Olympia, each of
you make a sign of the cross,

I'll bless the water
for the baptism,

anoint the baby
with the sacred oils

and read from the catechism.

"Born with a fallen human nature

"and tainted by original sin,

"children have need of
this new birth in baptism"

"to be brought into the realm"

"of the freedom
of the children of God,"

"to which all men are called."

My God!

- That is such bullshit.
- Oly.

OK, wait.

For starters,
"babies are born with sin".

Seriously?

And "the realm of men".
What the actual...

OK, what about the girls?

Hey, are you alright?

I'm fine.

- Oly.
- She's nervous.

No problem.

- Hey.
- Hi. How are you?

How you going?

See you in there.

Oh.

- Hello.
- Very good of you to make it.

Would not miss this kabuki show.

- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.

- You can't say that.
- I just did.

We must stop meeting like this.

Hey, are you OK?

Oly?

She's still here, right?

Hey, Dad, can you take Sorpresa
for a second?

I think she ran for it.

- What the f*ck, Oly?
- I'm sorry.

If you didn't want to do this,
you should have said.

I freaked out, OK?
But I'm... I'm OK.

I'm coming back.

I'm sorry. I can't.

Would you like to?

Yes. Yes.

What name
do you give your child?

Jacinda Maria Rosalinda
Aurora Hernandez...

...Chalmers-Davis.

She's our Sorpresa.

And do you reject Satan
and all his empty promises?

I do.

Sick name for a band.

In the name of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit.

- Amen.
- Amen.

- Hello!
- I'm Angie. Welcome.

- Thanks for coming.
- Nice to meet you.

- There's presents over there.
- Great to see you.

- Hi!
- Girl!

- Hello, mate.
- How are you?

- Good. Thanks for coming.
- You're allowed a champagne.

- How are we?
- Thanks for coming.

- Hello, I'm Angie. Angel.
- How are you? You look great.

Hello.

- Hello. Hola.
- Oh, nice handbag.

Hey, grab a beer. Help yourself.

- Thank you.
- Good to see you.

- Hello, Angie and Dom.
- Wow!

- You didn't need to do that.
- South American.

- Oh, delicious.
- I bags one of those.

You're not drinking
through the day, Edie.

Alejandro!

Alejandro.

Hey, guys.

Sorry I didn't
get to say hello before.

Oh, gorgeous. Look at that.

- Oh.
- Thank you.

What is it? "Pisco..."

"Espirit-oo del ek-why."

- Espiritu del Elqui.
- Thank you, Mati-arse.

Shall I get us some glasses,
have a drink?

Try not to be a prick.

That all went pretty well
in the end.

Sure, if you think a newborn
baby needs to be cleansed of sin

by a hipster in a dog collar
and his imaginary friend.

You have no concept of family
or what it is,

or what Bernardita's
been through.

You're like a big kid.

You live on your boat,
do whatever you like.

Mm-hm.

I don't know how the f*ck
Angie puts up with you.

Well, thank you
for that insight.

But she won't have to anymore

because we're finished.

sh*t.

Cheers.

Surprise!

What is this?

This is our TAZ.

He read about it
on the internet.

Yeah,
the temporary autonomous zone.

It's like a counter-curse.

Yeah, we're reclaiming
Baby J's little soul

for the rebels and the artists,

the q*eers and the freaks
and the geeks.

- Oh!
- There we are!

Now the baby's turn.

- Wow!
- Thank you.

- Ooh, OK, maybe not.
- Oh, no. No, no, no, no.

Now the gifts.

Oh, my God, it is perfect.

God, don't wish that
on the poor kid.

Come here.

Jacinda, even though
you're not actually mine,

I'll still love you anyway.

- Aw!
- Come here.

Oh, that's so cute!

Thank you.

Little bangles.

I got your mum, boo.

And I will teach you
all the girl stuff,

because your mum
is crap at that.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

OK, here we go.

Now, I know your parents
have no sense of fashion,

especially your dad.

Doesn't mean
you should miss out.

- Here you go, guys.
- Oh!

- Got her the matching shoes!
- Oh, wow!

Thank you.

Make sure you pay attention,
baby girl.

OK.

Now please join hands,
ladies and gentlemen.

Easy.

- Where did you even get that?
- Etsy.

Alright, here we go.

Baby J, may you forever
get to be who you truly are.

Now, you grow with love, Baby J.

- Snap.
- Whoo!

- Alright, let's dance, queens!
- Yes, let's dance.

- Do it.
- I'll take my stuff.

- Yeah, I got it.
- Let's go, boys.

Let's go, let's dance.

- I got it.
- Oh, thank you.

- Mm-hm.
- Hey, gorgeous.

Oly.

Can we talk?

Mm.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

- Oh! Whew!
- Oh!

Mm, your poor daughter.

A baby at 16. I mean,
it's hard enough at 26.

Yeah, I wouldn't recommend it
at 46 either.

No, she's a good girl.
No sense of fashion.

Anyway.

Never send them back. Would you?

No. Uh-uh.

So you're splitting up with Dom?

Uh...

That's... that's all very recent.
Not really talking about it yet.

Mm, yeah, marriage is tough.

Yeah. Oh, we weren't married,
but, um...

Yeah, things change
over 25 years, that's for sure.

You know, Matias always liked
working with you.

And now
you're grandparents together.

Ah!

Yeah, funny.

So funny.

Matias!

No, no, no, I'm fine. No, I'm...

From what I've seen...

...I think you're doing
a great job, Oly.

It's a pretty low baseline

considering I didn't even know
I was pregnant.

I think you just maybe
need some sleep.

J and I are gonna
move back home with Mum.

- For good, or...
- I don't know.

Wh-what about us?

We've done everything backwards.

- Yeah, but...
- We're still in high school.

We have a baby
and we just got together.

Who does that?

We want
completely different lives.

We're doomed.

I'm just... confused, Oly.
I thought...

I thought we were in love.

Mum and Dad were in love.

Yeah, but, I mean, it's...

I think that we
should break up now.

Before we hate each other.

- That's bullshit.
- What? Why?

Who are we

to dictate what's gonna happen
in the future, Oly?

We could be like Ita
and Alejandro.

We could not. I mean...

My parents only had
a few years together.

No-one knows how it's gonna go.

So why don't we just...

...see what happens?

That's your plan?

- Yeah.
- To see what happens?

Yeah.

OK.

OK.

- Thank you.
- Goodnight.

- Wonderful night.
- You're beautiful!

- You are!
- Beautiful kids.

Oh, Santi.

- You're going?
- Yeah.

Thanks for having us, Ms Davis.

Yeah.

Sh.

Matias.

Your little work friend.

When did it happen?

Oh. I feel like a teenager.

In a good way.

Don't you laugh at me.

Oh!

I'm so sorry about Matias.

It only happened once
and we didn't...

La-la! Oh!

You cannot conceive

how much I don't want to hear
the end of that sentence.

Mm-hm. Yeah.

- Oh!
- Just please never do it again.

I won't.

I won't, I promise.

Are you gonna come back home?

I am so proud of you.

I know that we didn't really
sign up for this.

But I think we're doing OK.

But we need to get some sleep

because we have a lot of work
to do tomorrow, hey?

We need to get our average up

if we're gonna do
the advanced units next year.

Hey.

Hey, look.

Goodnight, stars.

Goodnight, planes.

Goodnight, Nanna's back garden.

Goodnight, back lane.

Goodnight, giant bamboo.

Goodnight, lorikeets
and c*ck.

Goodnight, little babies.

Goodnight, you.