03x01 - First Day

[bunniefuu]

You ready?

- It's a big day.
- Are you gonna cry?

- No.
- I'm excited.

I love this time of year.

Blank pages. New highlighters.

"Dwell in possibility,"
you know?

Yeah. You always had a thing
for stationery.

It's Emily Dickinson.

And who doesn't?

- You do seem very upbeat.
- I am.

This is actually
not about you guys.

Course it is.

This is a very big day
for us all, JJ.

But you're not starting kindy
today, Papi.

What if I don't know
how to do school?

Hey, JJ.
What's your superpower?

Being prepared.

Being prepared. That's right.

And do you have
your new drink bottle?

And my Greta lunchbox.

So then you're all ready, right?

Hey, puchita.

Bing!

Alright, let's do this.

What?

Nah, don't worry about it.

- No, what? Tell me.
- I was just wondering if...

Grangie!

Hello. Oh, is it your first day
today?

Come on, Mum.

Come here. Come here, you.

Mum, you're immunocompromised.
You can't be here.

I'm fine!

- Do you have a treat?
- A treat?

Why would I have a treat?

Unicorns! I wanna take this one!

We were gonna come over
tomorrow after school.

I couldn't miss JJ's first day.

One more!

They have a nude food policy,
Mum. No plastic.

What, they just throw the
plastic in the bin at home?

Are you feeling OK, Ange?

Yeah. You don't need to treat me
like I'm made of glass.

- Can you come in, Grangie?
- Yeah. I guess I could.

Except, um, your mum
doesn't want me to.

- Mum.
- Have a great first day, JJ.

I'm prepared.

Yes, Arlo, I'm not sure

if Darth Vader would smash Elsa
in a battle.

That's a bit of a hypothetical.

Hi, Ms Young.

- This is Jacinda.
- Hi, Ms Young.

Lovely to see you, Jacinda.

Hi, Olympia.

Hi.

Sorry, it's just...
It's still blowing my mind.

It was you in
this uniform five minutes ago.

10 years ago.

And now your daughter
is starting kindy here.

Never would have seen
that coming.

Guess you didn't either, though.

I'm not really sure
about all this.

Oh, well, Jacinda, we're about
to go into our classroom

and meet Mr Scooby, the axolotl.

- Would you like to do that?
- Really?

Very soon.

Thank you.

OK. This is it.

Why are you so sad, Daddy?

I'm not.
You're just... growing up.

Isn't that good?

Yeah. Yeah. It's the best.

Oh. I'm so proud of you.

Go get 'em, tiger.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

OK.

There she goes.

There she goes.

Hey, did J leave her raincoat
at your place?

Uh... yeah. She did actually.
I can drop it off later.

Oh, I'm tutoring Gabe,
so I can pick it up tonight.

Oh, great.

Hey, um, is it OK if we swap
the next two weekends?

I've just got this, like,

birthday thing
on Saturday night.

So you want me
to take J this weekend?

If that was OK.

Yes. I can do that.

Great. Thanks, Ol.

What?

It's nothing. I just, um...
We'll talk about it later.

- 'Bye.
- 'Bye.

Alright, well, I've gotta
go. I'll see you at...

Oly.

- Oly.
- Hey.

Hey!

So Seb's gonna find
Jacinda at recess

and he's going to show her
the playground, OK?

Oh, that's lovely. Thank you.

Hey, Rosa.

- Come and say hi.
- Oh, no, I have to go to uni.

And I have to go to work.

You should meet some of
the parents. Come on.

I just did that whole teen mum
novelty thing with J's teacher

and I don't really know
if I can face it again.

Oly, don't be silly. See?
They're lovely people.

Is your mum feeling better?

Sort of.

Hi. Hello, everyone.
So this is Olympia.

And her baby girl
started kindy today.

Oh, you must have
smashed it out young,

'cause I thought
that you were the nanny.

Our Gracie is KY.
What is your kid's name?

- Same. And she's Jacinda.
- Love it.

I'll pop you
in the KY parents' chat.

- Cool.
- The first day.

You must be a wreck.

Oh, no, I feel great.

Life is gonna be
so much easier now.

Well, look at that. Number four.

Can you believe it?

- How are you feeling?
- Doubting my life choices.

What's your birth plan?

- All the painkillers.
- Pretty much.

Oh, no judgement,
but natural pain relief

actually is better for the baby.

Well, no judgement, Skye,
but was that organic cocaine

you had at the trivia night
last year?

Yeah, of course it was.

I'm sure you had
a natural birth.

Well, it's not like
she had a choice.

Qué? You didn't have time.

What?

I had a cryptic pregnancy.

So... so you didn't know?

Were you not showing?

- No, I wasn't.
- When did you find out?

I found out
when I was in lab our.

In the school toilets.

Oh, my God. You poor thing.

f*ck!

- So you really didn't know?
- Nuh.

Wow, good on you for getting it
out of the way early.

Keep it tight.

Realism posits that
international relations

is conducted on
a purely competitive basis.

Yes? A zero sum game.

States are logical actors

working to maximise
their power and security

at the expense of other states.

sh*t.

Is there a crisis
in the situation room?

Oh, no, sorry.

Um... my daughter started
kindergarten today, so...

Uh, Olympia, perhaps
you'd like to share

your analysis of realist theory?

It's a masculinist fantasy.

Go on.

Well, it's pretending
to be rational

and objective
and gender-neutral.

But for one, it's people -
the majority men -

making decisions for states and
people aren't rational actors.

Domestic politics
distorts the decisions.

And realism's male framing

has made global issues relevant
to women and girls invisible.

Accurate, if not very original.

Sorry?

Olympia is, a bit simplistically
but very succinctly,

outlining some of
the key neoliberal

and post-structural
feminist critiques of realism.

Thanks, Mum.

OK, let's move on.

OK, uh, yes, can you please
turn to...

Ooh, those ones are good.

My name's Jacinda.

My mum named me after
the queen of New Zealand.

Gracie. I'm making
a spell potion.

What spell?

For my dog to make her talk.

- Will it work on turtles?
- I think so.

But we're gonna need more stuff.

- What kind of stuff?
- Magic stuff.

Olympia.

- Michael. What are you doing?
- Hey.

Uh, yeah, I was jogging past
and I heard a distress call.

Oh.

Think she must have
fallen out of her nest.

Well, good luck with that.

Would you be able
to help me look for it?

Wouldn't want her
to get taken by a cat.

And then what would happen?

Uh...

OK.

Uh, here it is.

Would you take her for a sec?

It's alright. Thank you.

Yep. Cheers.

- Yeah, should be OK now.
- Cool.

Hey, uh, so your essay is late.

Why are you such a jerk
to me in class?

You can handle it.

Sorry?

I mean, you need to sharpen
your arguments

because you're good,
but you could be really good.

Yeah. I mean, you're smarter
than all of them.

How very paternalistic of you.

- I am literally your teacher.
- Right.

Well, I will be sure to get you
my essay tomorrow, sensei.

Look, I'm just trying
to motivate you, yeah?

OK.

Uh...

You've got my number.
So you can call me anytime.

Yeah.

When I need to have an emergency
chat about IR theory.

- Yes.
- I'm good, thanks.

Um, sorry, we're closed
for today.

I have an urgent delivery

for the managing director
of La Picá del Sabor,

Rosa Flores.

Um, yes, please leave it there.
Thank you. 'Bye.

Sorry, I really need a signature
for this one, ma'am.

Can you bring it in the back,
please, um, Mister?

I told you, special delivery.

Ciao.

Hola, Mamá.

You're not my real mum.

Yeah, well, you're not
my real kid.

Madison.

No way!

Hi. J started kindy here today.

No way! That went fast.

Yeah. What are you doing here?

I'm basically a step mum now.

Bing and Bong here.

Life, not what you planned.
Am I right?

You are right.

Nice.

Friends of yours?

Don't know 'em.

sh*t, what have you done?

I don't know.

Oi, hold up, you little...

Oly Chalmers-Davis.
We gotta catch up, get a drink.

Yeah. I better...
Yeah. Cool. Laters.

- Oh, same number?
- Yeah.

Can I have a quick word?

Yeah.

There was an incident
at school today.

A Jacin-cident?

Jacinda and another student were
involved in a fatal incident.

- Oh, my God.
- Involving the class axolotl.

Evidently, Jacinda
encouraged a classmate

to feed Mr Scooby
something toxic.

Oh, no.

The class was quite traumatised
by Mr Scooby's passing.

I hope a poisoned axolotl is
something they never see again.

I am so sorry. That is terrible.

Do you still live
with your parents?

What? Why?

Perhaps Jacinda would benefit

from a more... mature style
of discipline at home.

JJ.

What happened at school today?

I met a new best friend, Gracie.

Aww. Great.
What did you do with her?

We made a potion.

What was in the potion?

Rocks.

Apple juice.

Pink soap.

Glitter.

And chocolate fairy floss
from Grangie.

Chocolate fairy floss from
Grangie?

That she puts
in her smoky paper.

And you fed that to Mr Scooby?

No, Gracie did.

- Mummy?
- Hmm?

If houses cost $5, would
we get one with mi papi?

Are we going to mi papi's
new house now?

Yep.

Yes!

Rosa? Where do you keep
the tomato paste?

Ah.

Alright, OK,
so we need to come up

with a topic sentence
for each paragraph.

So let's start here.

f*ck yes!
I smoked that b*tch.

Deeply problematic language.

But one battle at a time.
Gabe, put the phone down.

OK, a topic sentence
summarises the main points

we're trying to make
in every paragraph.

So what's your first topic?

My ba*ls.

There is no way I'm getting
paid enough for this.

More accurately, Gabe,
it is about the themes

of racism and moral courage
in 'To k*ll a Mockingbird'.

Hey.

So what's this about tobacco?

- She got it from Mum.
- Are you serious?

Your mother
is such a bad influence.

Tada!

Rosa, come on.

- She looks gorgeous.
- We talked about this.

It is so inappropriate
to put a 4-year-old in...

- I'm basically five.
- ..In make-up.

- And she loves it.
- For the love of God.

There are milky socks stuffed
down behind the washing machine.

They smell very bad.

No.

Use tissues for your activities
and flush them down the toilet.

See, like a human being.

And the socks go inside the
machine, not behind the machine.

Que... I'm living
with a zoo animal.

And you know what,
it's not Bernardita's job

to come here
and clean up for you.

- How do you know it wasn't Seb?
- Oh, I look stupid?

No, tell me...
I look stupid? See, no.

- Go and clean them up.
- OK, OK.

- Bro.
- Shut up.

Oly, Santi, there is
not enough food for you.

Why don't you go out
for dinner with Jacinda?

But I'm making
my famous bolognese.

There's plenty for everyone.

No, he doesn't know
what he's talking about.

There's hardly any.

Yeah, why don't we?

I don't know.
It's a school night.

Come on, we should celebrate
J's first day.

Um, yeah. OK.

Just a quick one.

But the make-up has to go.

No way!

Mum, come on.

You read, right?

You're in recovery

and yet here you are
wilfully ingesting

what you well know to be
carcinogenic toxins.

Dad's here.

Well, he can knock
like a reasonable person.

- Hey, Dad.
- Oh, Boz.

I'm just here
for the Allen key set.

- Yeah, just come in and grab it.
- No.

I need it back Friday!

You tell your mother that
I'll return these at my leisure

when I'm finished
assembling my new furniture,

which is highly unlikely
to be before Friday!

Just come in and tell her
yourself. She's right here!

No, I'm not!

- See what I mean?
- Hmm.

Dude, the parents are going
ballistic on the group chat.

They're saying, "Did they really
poison it with tobacco?"

Pretty gruesome apparently.

- That's bad.
- Yeah.

That's really bad.

It's not enough that we're
the separated teen parents.

Our child has to commit
amphibicide on the first day.

At least it wasn't meth.

Your mum doesn't have any meth
in the house, does she?

So whose birthday is it
on Saturday?

Um... Yeah.

Um...

Hey, J.

OK.

OK. I'll see you soon.

Um... it's... it's Kiara's.

Keeks.

Keeks?

Yeah. That's, um...

That's what I wanted to talk
to you about actually.

Um...

I'm... I'm seeing someone.

Her. Keeks.

Oh.

Right.

Yeah. She's, um...
she's in the office at work.

- Project management.
- Uh-huh.

Mm. Yeah, I've been meaning
to tell you, Oly.

- I just...
- How long?

A couple of months.

Wow.

Right.

Cool.

I mean, Oly, you're the one
who wanted us to take a break.

Yeah, I mean, a break -
I thought we needed

to get to know ourselves
as individuals but...

No, that's...
That's totally cool.

Yeah.

Has J met her?

No.

You should introduce her to J.

- What?
- Yeah.

I mean, we said that
we'd be honest with her,

so you should do that.

OK.

Yeah. Yeah, great.

That actually works out
really well,

'cause, um, there's
this camping trip coming up

that I was thinking of,
um, bringing J to.

You were gonna introduce
J to K...

- Keeks.
- Keeks.

It's a weird name.

You want to take J
camping with her?

Uh, maybe.
It was dependent if...

Yeah. That's a great idea.

Yeah, J's probably
gonna love camping.

You know how I feel
about nature.

Half a day and I am dying to get
back to an urban environment

with, um, plumbing.

OK.

Well, thank you. Oly.

You know, obviously
it's a bit weird...

- Tío Vince!
- Hello. Big hug?

Let me guess,
are you a princess?

- I'm a president.
- President.

Ah, that's better 'cause they're
democratically elected usually.

- Hey, guys.
- Hey.

Hey, J, we're gonna go.

- You're going?
- Yeah.

Say goodbye to Dad.

- OK.
- Um...

- Thank you.
- Bye-bye, JJ.

- I love you.
- I love you too.

- 'Bye, J.
- OK. 'Bye.

'Bye, Oly.

You OK, man?

- Yeah? Yeah?
- I'm good, man.

Good. What's doing?

Thought I'd get
a bit of downtime

away from the girls, you know.

They're great,
I love them but...

- Yeah.
- Hello!

- Yeah!
- Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Did you guys follow me here?

- What?
- Ah, hilarious. No.

OK. We just wanted
to join you for dinner.

- Oh, nice.
- Hey, Santi.

Hey, Talia. Ariel.
How you going?

- Yeah. My best life.
- Yeah.

Vegan burger? Do you wanna
split a burger, V-man?

V-dawg?

Yeah, you will.

- No! Rats.
- Look after yourself.

I want rats, rats, rats.
Rats. No rats!

There's no worms...

- What the hell?
- There's no worms in the feeder.

Hey, JJ. Oh! What a surprise.

Oh, it's a little
Elizabethan wh*re.

What is wrong with you?

What's a wh*re?

Uh, it's like a girl pirate.

Hey, hey, come here, J.
Come here, J.

Hello. Give Bowie a cuddle.

Can she stay here tonight?

Yeah, of course.

- Um, where's your bag?
- I don't have one.

Oh. OK, well, into the bath.

- Bath time now.
- Off you go. Off you go.

Let's wash all that crap off.
I'll be in in a sec.

Oh, no!

Oh, no overnight bag
for a last-minute sleepover

on a school night.

I'd say this is very chillaxed
of you, Ol,

but your visible aura conflicts
suggest otherwise.

Thanks, Boz.

I will be sure to ask you

next time I need advice
from a Tiktok mage

who still lives with his mum.

I'm Mum's co-survivor.

She's really missing Reema.

Don't touch my eggs.

I wanna have a bubble bath.

Where is that little,
little thing, hey?

There you are!

- I'm having fun!
- Let's clean that face!

Hey!

- Yeah!
- Whooooo!

Up your bum!

Ol, you drink like
you've never had shots before.

I haven't.

You wanna talk about it?

Adrian.

So, you go to Reema's wedding?

No.

Her husband's hot.

That apartment
looks amazing on Insta.

Yeah, I've never been to London.

Ol...

Best thing for a broken heart...

What is it?

MDMA.

OK.

You've done that before?

Whoo!

Strap yourself in.

He's seeing someone else.

You are the best.
Did you know that?

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hey.

Why did we never
hang out at school?

Dunno. You... You had a baby.

Oh, yeah.

Which sort of blew up
your dork brand.

No of fence.

f*cking parasites.

Where did you even get those?

Bing and Bong's craftplex.

Give me a turn.

f*ck, this feels good!

Why are you wet?

We found a pool.

Oh. Um...

You know we can't do this.

I'm your tutor.

Have you changed your mind?

Uh, uh, sorry,

you know this doesn't mean that
I can give you an extension?

- Shut up, Michael.
- OK.