03x07 - The Owl and the Pussycat

[bunniefuu]

('LOVE SICK' BY MAGUGU PLAYS)

(MAN RAPS REGGAE-STYLE)

Can you not?

Not what?

(RAPPING CONTINUES)

(BOTH LAUGH)

(LAUGHS) How old are you?

(LAUGHS)

49.

Five.

(RAPPING CONTINUES)

(ANGIE LAUGHS)

Out of it!

Oh, can you help me?
Can you put...

- (BAKING TIN CLATTERS)
- ..something in that?

I never said I didn't like it. I
just said it was kind of bleak.

And your point is?

Bleakness is the reason
for the film, darling.

That's why it exists.

Yeah, yeah, look,

I understand it's an important
piece of cinema for you, man,

but, like, the reality is it's
actually kind of problematic.

Oh, Boz,
everything's problematic

if you want it
to be problematic.

It's problematic.

Can't we just enjoy each other
as a family?

(EDITH MOANS)

Ahhh! Ha a a a a!

Ha-ha. Beginner's luck.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC)

EDITH: Ah. (WHIMPERS)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh, God! Ahh!

EDITH: OK,
so that just happened.

ANGIE: This is... this is bad.

EDITH: Yep. Yep.
Let's not minimise it.

I can't just run away.
We... we've gotta go back.

Yeah?

We can't.
We can't ever go back.

No. No.

Sell the house, move in here.

This undoes every good thing
I have ever done.

I am now officially
the world's worst mother.

Yeah, well, you know,
I'm the world's worst aunt.

And sister. And baker.

- I'll text them.
- What, and say what?

I don't know. Sorry?

Or some fun emojis?

(LAUGHS)

- No. No, you're right.
- I know.

I think we just pretend
this never happened

and we never
talk about it again.

Yes. Good plan.

I mean, at the end of the day,
we're adults, they're adults.

It's my kitchen, it's my house.

If they're gonna sneak around
unannounced, then it's on them.

Yeah. And maybe, in a way,
this is good.

Well, now we don't have to
tell them about us.

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, that would have
been really awkward.

(ENIGMATIC MUSIC)

(WHINES)

ARIEL: I'm not gas lighting you.

I'm just saying that right now,
you are being ridiculous.

TALIA: What, so now I'm crazy
AND ridiculous?

ARIEL: Oh!
And you're walking away.

Yeah, of course you are.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

(DOOR OPENS)

Hey, are you busy?

No, I was just, um...
(CLEARS THROAT)

What's going on?

Ariel and I had a fight.

Really? Oh, no.

She's not wanting to go back
to work. Ever.

She wants to focus on
motherhood.

Yeah, that's good, isn't it?

Well, I want to focus
on motherhood too.

I'm also a parent, aren't I?

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

(SIGHS)

So, what, we have to go to work
and pay for everything

while she gets to stay home
and hang out with the baby?

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Wait, did you say we,
like you and me?

Yeah. Yeah.

And... and if this is
what she's like now,

what's it gonna be like
once it's here?

But I thought I was just
the sperm donor, aren't I?

Sometimes I just wanna
run away, you know?

But you probably shouldn't
because babies are hard work.

But... I know you two
can handle it.

I know you can.

We can?

Yeah.

Talia and Ariel.

- Mmm.
- (CHUCKLES)

What a team. What a team of two.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Thanks, Vince.

(VINCE SIGHS)

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

I know.

(SPEAKS SPANISH)

The school told me.

They filled out
an incident report.

It's more complicated than that.
It was...

(BOTH SPEAK SPANISH)

Yes, Ita, that's right.

Look, I've spoken to J.

I've told her
she can't be so rough

and the teachers
will watch them.

OK, Ita.

It's gonna be fine.

Here you go, Dad.

I didn't have any whisky
so I made you a Milo.

Hey, how about... how about
we put on some tunes?

Hey, what'll it be? The Cure?

Joy Division? The Regurgitators?

Should we order food?
Let's have food.

- Yeah.
- Not hungry.

Oh, yes, you are.

We were there to have dinner.
So let's have some dinner.

What shall we have? A pizza?

- How's J?
- Oh, she's so great.

She did something so funny
the other day.

- Surely.
- Yeah, yeah.

- It's... it's a great age.
- Yeah, it is.

Shall we play chess?

Yeah. Yeah, chess. Hey?

I had no idea she was bi.

Everyone's bi.

I would actually really love
to hear about

the genesis of Radio head's album
'OK Computer'.

BOWIE: I didn't want
to tell you this,

but this is my fault.

Mum had a dream
about a human-sized bird

and I told her that she should
open the cage door

and spread her wings.

How was I to know that... that
my truth would be this powerful?

What I'm realising is that

I've got too much jing
stored inside me.

Jing's like life force.

I really need to rethink
this whole celibacy thing.

OK, Bowie, I think that's more
something that you think

rather than
something that you verbalise.

I think I'm gonna need
something stronger than Milo.

(CHILDREN LAUGH AND CHATTER)

(SANTI CHATTERS INDISTINCTLY)

Stay calm, don't panic.
Demon family at 10 o'clock.

Oh, God.

- Where's the teen mum?
- They broke up, remember?

Of course they did. No wonder
the daughter's a bad seed.

Now, remember what we said,
sweetie.

If anyone plays
too rough with you,

you go straight to the teacher
and you say, "Jacinda hit me."

OK?

- GRACIE: J!
- Please don't k*ll our child.

Gracie!

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

- Hi, Gracie.
- 'Bye, Gracie.

Oh, God, is the muscly child
gonna stab us now?

KARL: It's the old woman I fear.

Something very witchy
going on there.

- Hello.
- Hi. Yeah.

Your daughter
is a violent delinquent.

See you at the court case.

But luckily,
the titanium screws in his elbow

were linked to this small
Russian medical manufacturer

and that's how they linked
the corpse to the crime.

Yeah, right.
How did you know him?

I didn't know him, doofus.
It's a podcast.

I'm talking directly into your
ear. How can you not hear me?

I'm sorry. I'm just...

There's stuff going on at home.

Ooh. Dish.

- Trouble with your throuple?
- We're not a throuple.

Stop moving, keep talking.

Talia's freaking out
because Ariel doesn't wanna

go back to work.

- Ever?
- Yeah.

So is the baby
gonna get a job or...

It's serious.

Talia was talking about me
helping out, like, financially.

You're just the donor.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

Well, what have you all agreed
will happen?

OK, I'm no longer
speaking to you as a friend.

I'm speaking to you as someone

with two years
of a UK law degree.

- Are you nuts?
- Objection.

Overruled.

Vince, I've read
a million articles

about this kind of thing
going wrong.

What you guys are doing
is complicated.

Without some kind of
mutually agreed-upon framework,

you have no legal recourse.

Nah, we'll be fine.
They're my friends.

That's... that's great.

But whose kid is it?

Who's gonna pay for it?

What happens
if Talia and Ariel split up?

The donor can get frozen out,
Vince, and never see the child.

Ever.

Am I the first person
you've spoken to about this?

What does your mum think?

No.
Y... you still haven't told her?

Vince.

(SIGHS)

See how gentle I'm being
with Rory?

Rory likes it when people
are gentle and respectful.

That's how we should be
with each other when we play.

Right, girls?

- Can I hold him?
- Only Ms Young holds Rory.

Let's put him back. I think
Rory might be a bit sleepy.

Bye-bye, Gracie.
Bye-bye, Jacinda.

(DRILL WHIRRS AND STOPS)

OK, take your hands away.

- Perfect.
- Yeah.

(LAUGHS)

Welcome to your new home,
my little darlings.

So, um, Mum, do you know Ariel
who I live with?

- Yes. Brown hair.
- No, that's Talia.

Oh. Yeah, I know Ariel.

Yeah. Um... she's pregnant.

Oh, how wonderful.

- I thought she was a l*sbian.
- She is.

- She is.
- Well, good for her.

They're gonna have to move out.

Your place isn't big enough
for a family.

VINCE: Yeah, that's the thing.

I'm sort of part of
their family now.

Well, of course.
Friends are important.

- But when a baby comes...
- No, because I'm the dad.

What?

Not... not the dad, the donor.

They wanted to have a baby.

Asked me if I could help,
so I did.

You're having a baby with Ariel?

No, Ariel and Talia
are having the baby.

I just, um... I just gave them
some... sperm.

(OBJECT SHATTERS)

(SIGHS)

Are you gonna get married?

- To Ariel?
- Well...

No. Ariel and Talia
are the couple, Mum.

I'm just their friend.

Am I gonna be the grandmother?

Oh. I don't know.

Yes?

Are you okay?

Do you know what you're doing?

I do.

We do.

A baby?

Yeah.

Hello, Rory,
let's have a cuddle.

Have you got him?

Yep. I'm good with animals. See?

(RORY WHIMPERS)

- JACINDA: Catch him!
- Rory!

JACINDA: Catch him!

(QUIRKY MUSIC)

I have to go.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

(DRYER WHIRRS)

Here you go, Gracie. All dry.

W... what are you looking for?

Nothing. Everything's fine.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

(BOTH LAUGH)

Oly. Hi.

OLY: Hi.

Bowie, you're here too.

Hi.

Is your dad here by any chance?

DOM: No.

Do you mind
if I have a word with him?

Of course. Come in.

Listen, guys,
I just wanted to say...

- We were just on our way out...
- Oh.

...actually.

Yeah, we've got a... thing.

- Oh.
- Bowie.

Dad's just in there.

- 'Bye.
- 'Bye.

I just wanted to say,

um...

...I'm not angry.

I do have anger.

Not for you, but it does,
um... stem from your actions.

Yeah.

I wanted to talk about that.

But...

I'm gonna forgive you, Edith.

Oh, good. I'm glad.

- But not today.
- Right.

(CLEARS THROAT)

What you doing?

Dom?

Are you going to turn this
into a massive deal?

Wow.

That's a strong opener.

It just... happened.

- Again.
- Again?

Don't pretend
you don't remember.

- Mmm?
- Belinda Scott-Be van.

Belinda Scott-Be van?
From high school?

Oh, come on, mate,
she was obviously g*y.

Not until you got
your hands on her.

- You knew I liked her.
- Oh.

Look, you and Angie aren't even
together anymore, you know?

Don't conflate your anger
at Angie...

I'm not conflating anything.

I didn't plan this, OK?

I mean, I... I wanted it

but I never, ever thought it
would happen but it did and...

...and I don't know what the f*ck
is happening but...

You know, I'm... I'm sorry.

And Belinda Scott-Be van

was a competitive axe thrower.

You know, it's not my fault
if you can't read the signs.

And, f*ck it, you know,
this actually isn't about you.

You're my sister.

Angie's my ex.

The mother of my children.

And what the two of you are
conducting is borderline incest.

And if you can't see
how that impacts me,

then you're a sociopath.

Dom, come on, we... we need to
talk about this properly.

Do we?

What's the point?

You're just gonna tell me
all the ways that I'm wrong.

(SIGHS)

JACK RIVER: ♪ To be by your side

♪ She's walking up to you

♪ She's dying to be... ♪

- (MUSIC STOPS)
- (SINGS) ♪ B... ♪

What's going on?

I need to keep my cortisol
levels low for the baby,

so I'm just releasing some
dopamine into my bloodstream.

Fair. Fair.

Um, can I talk to you
for a second?

- Yeah.
- Is Talia here?

Talia, are you here as well?

What's up?

Um, well, I thought
it would be a good idea

if us three have a low-key chat
about everything.

Good idea.

- Sure thing.
- Cool.

Um, I didn't really think
about it before,

but what we're doing is epic.

Yeah. It is.

It's huge.

It's really cool.

Um... (CLEARS THROAT)

But whether we want them to
or not,

thing are going to change.

- So, firstly...
- I'm not going back to work.

Oh, my God.

It makes me unhappy, Talia,
and that makes the baby unhappy.

- Is that what you want?
- Of course not.

But we all have to
make compromises.

- No, not about this, we don't.
- Yes, we do.

OK, can we take a...

ARIEL: I am not
going to apologise

for wanting the best
for my child.

- YOUR child?
- Hey, OK.

Look, this is what I mean.
This is exactly what I mean.

- Everyone has their concerns.
- No, no.

We are in this together, Ariel.

You don't get to make
unilateral decisions.

- Stop talking to me like that!
- Like what? Truthfully?

No, zzzz, aggressively.

- OK.
- Wow!

OK, can we keep
everything chill?

You know that
I can't get stressed out

and you are deliberately
stressing me out!

Cool. Hey, how about
I never speak to you again?

Do you know what?
That would actually be great.

- Fine.
- Fine.

JACK RIVER: ♪ Be by your side

♪ Fool's gold... ♪

- (LIVELY CHATTER)
- SANTI: Hello, puchita!

- BERNADITA: Ohh.
- SANTI: Mmm.

- Beautiful.
- Do you wanna say hi to Ita?

BERNADITA: Hello, beautiful.

Hello.

Hey, do you want to go play
there with Maddie?

(GASPS) Yeah!

It's Gracie's dads.
Just let me do the talking.

(MURMURS)

- SANTI: Hey.
- Hi.

I'm Austin. This is Karl.
We're Gracie's dads.

I know.

- I'm Bernard it a.
- Santi.

(CLEARS THROAT)
This is kind of delicate.

Yeah, look, I've been planning
to talk to you guys.

About how our kids
attacked each other?

This isn't about that.

Something happened
with Gracie today

which I am not allowed
to talk about.

It's a "cross my heart
and hope to die" situation.

- You understand?
- Uh-huh.

What I can say is

our daughter really needed
a friend today

and your Jacinda stepped up.

Gracie's so grateful.
And so are we.

I feel like we might have
misjudged their friendship.

Oh.

Maybe we could organise
a play date for them?

J could come to our place
one weekend?

Or Gracie can come to our place.

Yeah, absolutely.

SANTI: Awesome.

(UPBEAT MUSIC)

(MUSIC ENDS)

(INSECTS CHIRP)

Should we, um...
Want to eat on the couch?

OLY AND BOWIE: Yep.

Listen.

- I just want to say that...
- No need.

Uh, look, I don't want to talk
about it either. And we won't.

Ever again.

But, um,
I do want you both to know

that this thing with Edith,

it... it's a good thing.

You know, obviously I didn't,

um, want you to find out
the way you did.

Um, but, to be honest,
I don't know what's happening.

But what I do know
is that I'm...

I don't know.

...happy.

So, um, that's it. The end.

We are happy too.

Happiness
is one of the many feelings

that we're grappling with
right now.

You don't have to
justify yourself to us.

You've opened the cage door,

you're flapping your wings,

you've tapped into
the divine feminine.

How is that not awesome?

Yeah, it is awesome.

How's your dad?

Uh...

He's not great.

Yeah, you'd think he'd be
used to your sexcapades by now.

It's the second time?

Mmm, third.

- Third?
- Yep.

OK, I've decided that I want to
be a part of this baby's life.

And I also want to have a say
in its future.

We can fight as much as we like,

but we all know that the baby
is the most important thing.

I think the best way forward

is if we all see a lawyer,

set some ground rules
that we can all agree on.

Are these gluten-free?

Of course.

OK.

OK.

OK.

(GATE SQUEAKS)

Hi.

I've thought about it
and I don't care.

- Huh?
- (LOUDLY) I don't care!

Love is rare
and we're all gonna die,

so I want you to know
I'm happy for you both.

Do you mean that? Because
you're kind of screaming.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Doesn't matter what I think.

It doesn't matter
what Oly and Bowie thinks.

If Angie is what you want,

then you should go for it 100%.

f*ck the consequences.

OK. Wow! Well, um, thanks.

See ya!

Dom.

(DOM SIGHS)

Really?

Yeah!

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

- (GASPS) Hey.
- Hey.

Come in.

I can't.

OK.

(SIGHS)

God, I love you, Angie.

I love you too.

I've always loved you.
You know that, yeah?

Yeah.

That's... that's great, isn't it?

What's happened?

Um, nothing, but, um...

...I don't think I can do this.

Of course you can.

I can't. I can't.

I want to - very much -
but, um... I can't.

(SIGHS) I, um...

I can't risk everything
for this.

I...

There's Dom,
there's... there's Oly,

Bowie...

Edith, you're catastrophising.
This has just started.

Not for me, you know?
Not for me.

This has been going on
a very long time.

Stop. Just breathe. Come in.

And come on, come in,
we'll talk about it.

Sweetie, I can't come in.
I'll kiss you.

I want you to kiss me.

Please don't make this hard.

What? That's it?

Yeah, that's it.
I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Angie.

(WISTFUL GUITAR MUSIC)

SONG: ♪ White rabbit... ♪

(PANTS)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

Ohh. (CRIES)

♪ And if I don't fit

♪ Your world

♪ I'll shrink myself down

♪ 'Cause the lights shine
a little brighter here

♪ Feeling so alive out here

♪ Everything is heightened

♪ We're flying till my

♪ Balance returns

♪ And I hit the ground

♪ My thoughts get too loud here

♪ Without you now

♪ My head starts to pound

♪ In this empty house

♪ I can't stand the sound

♪ So I drown it out

♪ Take me back

♪ Under the silver sky

♪ Just a minute

♪ That I've lived
maybe like 10,000 times

♪ Do you feel it?

♪ When you take all the world

♪ From my mind

♪ Do you mean it?

♪ When you say that
you'll stay here this time? ♪