03x06 - Tea Time Trouble

[bunniefuu]

[exclaiming, grunting]

Skadoosh.

[serene music plays]

With the north-facing light,
I'm gonna want my condo

right about here.

Forouzan, listen to me.
We need to be in England by the new moon!

Not my problem.
I'm retired, starting right now.

[sighs]

[gasps]

Forouzan, get up!

-We have to go!
-[birds chirping]

That ship looks packed with supplies.
We finally feast!

[cackles]

-[cracking]
-[grunting]

My bones!
Those weasels really did a number on me.

No matter. Hoist me up, fellas.
Tonight, we feast!

Basil, raiding music in D minor.

[cheerful guitar music plays]

But my son!

Nope. Retired.

F-Fine. [chuckles]

You leave me no choice.
I'm commandeering your ship. [laughs]

Sure you are. [laughs]

Hm.

-[mages clamoring]
-[exclaims]

[gasps] Oh no! The weapons!

[guitar music plays]

Get that one!

Hey! I'm the Pirate Queen!
You don't pirate me!

Reaper, let's get 'em!

[gasps] Reaper?

[grunts] I've gotta hide these weapons.

Are you seriously abandoning me again?

[dramatic music plays]

[grunts]

[whistles]

[groaning]

Hold them off, Alice!

[groaning]

-[dramatic music plays]
-[exclaims]

Is that food? [yells]

[yells]

[exclaiming]

[groans]

-[Alice groans]
-[gasps] Over there!

[groaning]

They've got
something extra special in that chest!

After them!

[atmospheric music plays]

[atmospheric music plays]

"We left the bog with a new goal:

follow Alfie's path to the Ancient City."

Anciempt Cit-g? Ah, dang!

Really tough to walk and write
at the same time.

So, we need to find Alfie's journal?

[chuckles awkwardly]

That seems kinda personal. I don't know.
What's the ethical thing to do here?

Rukhmini?

-Wrong person to ask.
-[doll squeaks]

-[stomach rumbling]
-Okay, let me check. Just play it cool.

Yo, Blade.
Think your mom's got any British snacks?

I like to taste every place I visit.

-Get a feel for the people.
-[stomach rumbling]

[chuckles] Him too.

I think it's best you all wait outside.

No, no, no.
You know, like, everything about my dad.

[Po] I gotta meet your mom!

[sighs] My mother,
Lady Lucinda of Landreth,

is manipulative, cruel,

and picks apart every little thing you do
that isn't "proper"

until you burst into tears in front of
everyone at Lady Dandruff's ball!

[yells]

Lady Dan...
Okay, now I gotta meet Lady Dandruff!

No one is meeting anyone.

Fine by me. She sounds pretty intense.

-[exclaims]
-[Akna] Wha...

-[Akna gasps]
-Here it is. House Landreth.

[Po] Whoa!

[sighs] Home.

It's huge!

And I say that
as someone who lived in a volcano.

-You never told us you were loaded.
-[doll squeaks]

Ooh!

What... Wait, w-what is she...?

[suspenseful music plays]

[grunting]

Wait here. I'll just be a moment.

[doll squeaks]

[grunts softly, gasps]

[soft creaking]

[suspenseful music plays]

[gasps] What are you doing up so late?

How did you get past Mother?

I just did what you taught me.

[laughing]

[laughter fades]

-[Lucinda] Luthera?
-[gasps, groans]

[groans]

Mother.

[Blade] It's good to...

Hello.

We do have a front door.

Not that you ever use it.

I... I didn't want to disturb.

Just a quick stop. Then I'll be on my way.

Oh?

-[clattering, crashing]
-[Po grunting]

[in British accent]
A good British morning to you, my liege!

[groaning]

[sighs]

[gasps]

Proper enough for ya?

Ignore him. I do.

Oh! Uh, hello, Mrs. Alfie's Mom.

Mum, my friends. Friends, Lady Lucinda.

Look, I know you'd prefer it
if I'd sent a letter,

stayed for tea, done things "properly,"
but we're on a pressing mission, and I...

You brought guests!

Who were supposed to wait outside.

Oh, I'm so glad she finally managed
to make some real friends.

You all must stay for tea and biscuits.

-[sighs]
-Is that a British snack?

I have a fresh batch in the oven.
Come, come!

So, these biscuits,
do they come in different sizes, or is it...

Aw. She actually seems really sweet.

Yeah. We'll see.

[groans]

[cheerful music plays]

Set those here and there, Luthera,

and do remember
to smooth the tablecloth after.

You always forget.

I do not.

And what is it you do?

Uh, I make giant bugs!

-My!
-[Po exclaims]

So many tiny cakes. And the colors!

And everything is stacked really high!
It's like a little cake city! [whoops]

[muffled exclaiming]

I hope it will be to your liking.

[muffled exclaiming] Oh, wow. Oh, wow!

What is happening?

That would be the lemon curd.

The lemon curd?

How could a word so disgusting
taste so good?

[snorting, munching]

[munching continues]

Ah. What a healthy appetite.

[Po grunts]

Thank you, Lady Mom.

Look at her, gawking.

I suppose "proper"
only matters when it's me.

A lady never gawks, Luthera.

She simply appreciates a guest
who says "please" and "thank you"

like a good little gentleman.

Once a Little Mister Plum Blossom,
always a Little Mister Plum Blossom.

[groans]

Do you have children, madam?

Her name is Rukh-Minnie,
because she is miniature. [laughs]

Charming. And you?

Giant bugs!

Why do I keep saying that so loud?

Oh. Children can be the greatest joy.

Oh, Alfie.

[Lucinda] My eldest.

Despite his work as Master of w*r,

despite all the missions,
I never had to ask him to visit me.

Well, we can't all be Alfie.

I don't want you to be like Alfie.

And we can't all be you.

[belches]

Having manners is a universal virtue,

even if you'd rather pretend to be
some kind of warrior.

-More tea?
-I can pour my own.

You always spill.

Maybe when I was five!

Okay. Very well, then.

Let's see what you've retained,
if anything.

[tense music plays]

[Lucinda] If you pour from that high,
you'll splash!

[Blade groans]
The tea needs to cool as it flows.

-[Lucinda] You'll spill.
-[Blade] I won't!

-[Lucinda] Gentle movement!
-I know how!

I don't think this is about tea.

You really are a scientist.

[spoon clinking]

If you're going to stir, stir properly.

I know how to stir!

No you don't. Stirring is to cool the tea.

-Stirring's for sugar!
-Stirring's for both!

-[mocking] Stirring's for both!
-Don't be uncouth!

I am extremely couth!

-Ha!
-The couthiest.

-Don't hit the side of the teacup.
-Don't tell me what to do!

[gasps]

[dramatic music plays]

Well...

[yells] Who cares?!

I hate this,

and I've always hated it.

[breathing heavily]

I'll just go pop in
another batch of scones.

[chuckles] Excuse me.

I'll be right back.

[door closes, echoes]

-I'm glad we never fight.
-[doll squeaks]

-[atmospheric music plays]
-[grunting]

[honks, chuckles] Oh, hello.
Did you k*ll them all yet?

I was outnumbered because you ran away.

So typical.

At least I'm fighting for something,
and not hiding out on some island.

-[birds chirping]
-W-W-What was that?

Fighting, huh?

That's right.

[exclaims, honks]

And the first step to fighting
is staying alive.

You and your stupid luck.

[takes deep breath]

-[floorboard creaks]
-[gasps]

Do you need a hand?

Your hands are full of crumpets.

Hands free.

[door creaks open]

Whoa. That's a lot of gold.

[stirring music plays]

Each trophy represents
Alfie's accomplishments

on his path to leading the knights.

"Certification of Battle Axe Mastery."

Sweet!

If I know Alfie,
his journal is somewhere in this room.

[gasps] What's that one?

Huh?

Spelling bee.

From primary school.

Cute.

So, not to pry...

Like a pry guy...

[scoffs] My mother?

-Yeah. What's up with you two?
-Just what it's always been.

She had her knight in Alfie,
so she wanted me to be her little lady.

A perfect copy of herself.

I'm a disappointment.

Your mom just needs
a chance to see you the way we do.

[soft music plays]

It would have been so easy
to be jealous of him,

but Alfie made that impossible.

Mum never believed in me,

but Alfie always did.

Hey, big bro.

Where do you hide your bro-secrets?

Hm.

When I was a kid,
he used to keep swords on the high shelf,

so I couldn't steal them.

On a high shelf?

[grunting]

[gasps]

Alfie's journal.

Whoa!

[Po] Look, there's the gauntlet!

And that looks like the Storm Wheel!

[Blade] There! The Ancient Gateway.

This must be the symbol
that marks the Ancient City.

We found it.

[laughs] Boom! Journal achieved.

Bump it!

So, Diya and I
convinced a group of orphans

to stack on top of each other
in an extra-long kurta

to distract some palace guards.

They were arrested immediately.

Hilarious! [laughs]

[Blade] Well...

We have everything we need.
We can continue on our way.

So soon?

Or...

we could stay
and have one more cup of tea?

And I can tell Lady Mom all about
how cool you've been on our adventures.

I could... allow you
to pour your tea yourself, of course.

-Huh? Huh?
-Hm.

[grunting]

[sighs heavily]

Perhaps just a little longer.

-[Drake] Luthera of Landreth!
-[knocking]

Surrender yourself!

Come quietly
and we may spare your friends.

Spare? Are we,
are we planning to k*ll them, sir?

Shut it, Kevin.

-It's...
-[laughing]

[heavy knocking]

Lulu, what's happening?
What have you done now?

It's Drake. He must have followed us here.

Ugh, hate that guy.

Sir Drake?
Why is the Master of w*r after you?

There's no time to explain,
but I'll make this right.

Turn yourselves in
before this gets any worse.

You don't understand.

[Drake] You have one minute
to come outside or we ram down the door.

Surely there's no need for that.
They're coming. One moment.

Prepare for battle.

[suspenseful music plays]

You two.
Cut down the biggest tree on the property.

We're going in.

-Yes, sir.
-Yes, sir.

Breaking into a noble family's home?
Sir, we can't...

[grunting, laughing]

Luthera is reasonable. We can negotiate.

Huh?

When we breach House Landreth,
you will wait outside.

Move a hair from this position,
and I will take your other eye.

Is that clear, Calvin?

Crystal, sir.

[suspenseful music plays]

[grunting]

Dibs! [grunting]

Oh no! Not Alfie's trophies!

[chuckles] It's like a whip, but meaner.

He would understand.

[ominous music plays]

Oh, do be careful.

Yes! You got the d... You got the a...
Cool, okay. What do I get?

Aw, man.

[grunting]

-[grunting continues]
-[heavy thumping]

They're England's army, Luthera.
You can't win.

Watch me.

[suspenseful music plays]

-[grunting]
-[dramatic music plays]

My house!

[whimpers]

[yells, groans]

[groaning]

-[yells]
-Ha ha!

Ooh, that's hot, huh?

-Is that better?
-[Po and Blade grunting]

-[grunting]
-[dramatic music plays]

Taste my rage!

Spelling-bee trophy attack,
bringing the pain!

That's P-A, uh, I-N. Pain!

[dramatic music plays]

Is that Alfie's sword?

I fight with the blade
belonging to the Master of w*r.

[snarls]

Me!

[grunting, growling]

-[whimpers]
-[grunting]

[horn sounds]

[knights yelling]

Ha! Reinforcements.
You'll be overwhelmed in minutes.

-[grunting]
-[groaning]

To me.

[menacing music plays]

[exclaiming, coughing]

Huh?

-Hey Colin!
-How's it going?

Later, dude.

[panting] You're better than them, Colin.

[gasps]

[coughing]

You! Corbin! Where did they go?
Why are you just standing there?

[coughing]

I was ordered not to move, sir.

[yells] You absolutely worthless,
insubordinate...

You will regret this.

Search everywhere.
I want them found and brought to me.

[atmospheric music plays]

[panting]

That was the second worst tea party
I ever went to.

-[stomach rumbling]
-Anyone else hungry?

[Rukhmini] Are you ever not hungry?

[sighs]

Hey. She'll come around.

I don't need her to. I only need this.

-[groaning]
-[suspenseful music plays]

[birds chirping]

Why do you care about
these weapons so much?

Oh, well,
you know how I like to accessorize.

[guitar music plays]

Move me faster.

[birds chirping]

-[gasps]
-[chirping continues]

Nowhere to run this time.

[mage 1] Over here!

-[mage 2] This way!
-[mage 3] Close in!

-[birds chirping]
-[rustling]

[Klaus] Come on, then! Climb!

You and your stupid luck.

[chuckles]

What are you going to do?

[straining]

[mage 4] I think we got them cornered!
Follow me!

-Where did they go?
-I thought they were right here?

Maybe they went this way.

Yeah, maybe.
Basil, give us some "this way" music!

[guitar music plays]

-[groaning]
-[tense music plays]

-You're welcome.
-[dramatic music plays]

[gasps, whimpers]

[rhythmic music plays]