02x12 - Holy Pierogis

[bunniefuu]

[dramatic music]

[bugs buzzing]

- So my recent trial run

for Rackleff's

Inaugural Bug Olympics

did not go as planned.

We had the 50-inch dash

- [screaming]

- Number two pencil toss.

- [groans]

- But the Matchstick

Relay Races I was sure

were destined for glory.

[bugs screaming]

- Get 'em off! Get 'em off!

- My dad's obviously

a little upset about this.

- I'm freaking out!

- Okay, he's a lot upset.

Hey, don't worry, Pops.

I'll de-pestify us in no time.

- Oh, no, you don't.

No, no, no, bad Nate.

- "Squash-No-More?"

What's that,

some sort of anti-gourd group?

[chuckles] That's a joke

for the vegetarians.

- Good show.

- It's a service

to safely relocate bugs

without exterminating them.

- Is exterminating them

really that bad

if they don't have a brain

or a heart?

- Nate, you brought

these things into our home,

so you have to take

some responsibility here.

I need you to help pay

for their humane removal.

- Ugh, fine.

What's this Squash-No-More

thing gonna run me,

like, 10, 15 bucks,

something like that?

- $3,000.

- We're gonna have

to get creative here.

[upbeat music]

- Don't want to go

to school today ♪

The sun is red hot

and I wanna play ♪

But if I get caught

they'll make me pay ♪

Detention again ♪

- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪

- Math and social studies

just ain't my thing ♪

- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪

- Rocking with my band

is where I'm king ♪

Stealing the teacher's teeth

or bailing on a test ♪

- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,

ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪

Big Nate ♪

[loud clang]

[loud crash]

- Ah, Zora's

Famous Pierogi Day.

My favorite lunch of the month,

at least when you compare it

to Zora's

Vegetarian Surprise

- [roars]

- [screams]

- Zora's

Pescatarian Surprise

- Aah!

- Or Zora's Vermin Surprise.

[both scream]

- Who brought

all these hamsters here?

Aww, look how cute they are!

[giggling]

- Zora's pierogies

almost make up

for me having

to join the workforce.

- You know, jobs aren't

that bad, Nate.

- [laughs] Oh, Francis,

you corporate stooge.

- Too bad you can't get paid

to eat Zora's pierogies, brah.

- [thickly] Tell me about it.

I could eat, like,

ten more of these bad boys.

- [burps] I snuck a few extra

in my water cup.

Look, a couple stragglers.

Mmm, moist.

- Clever, but not

as clever as me.

- You're enjoying the lunch,

children?

all: Mm-hmm.

- Oh, my Bubbe would be

so happy, for she inspired Zora

to make delicious pierogies.

She taught me treasured

family pierogi recipe

and also how to use hammer

to fight angry mole rat.

Please excuse me,

as next batch requires

attention.

Do not tell others.

Here is extra for you.

[all clamoring and screaming]

[bugs chattering]

- All right, guys.

Since we're gonna be

living together for now,

we need to set up

some ground rules.

I shower at 8:00 a.m.

Lights out at 9:00.

If you want to borrow

my clothes, just ask first.

If you finish any condiments,

replace them yourself.

And lastly, never--

I repeat, never touch

the Fabergé egg in my room.

It was my Pop Pop's,

and he was a very special man.

Huh? Well, good talk, guys.

[bell rings]

[soft tense music]

♪

- [grunts] Huh? Um--

- We hear you got some 'rogies.

- Uh, some what?

- [whispers indistinctly]

- Oh, ha ha, Zora's piero--

- Shh!

- Be cool, man.

'Rogies are worth

a fortune outside of school.

And word is, you have

a pipeline to the source.

So what do you want

for 'em, huh?

Candy? Homework help? Cash?

- Well, how much you got?

Cook up a few more batches

of these bad boys,

sling 'em to desperate kids,

and my dad can consider

our little bug problem

paid for.

- You're going to cook

Zora's pierogies and sell them?

- Yep.

- Uh, what about

that tiny little problem called

"not knowing the recipe"?

- [scoffs] Silly Francis,

I won't be making them.

[frog croaks]

- Oh, I don't know.

I come to this country

to feed hungry schoolchildren,

not to turn profit.

- But this is about so much

more than the money, Zora.

You'd be sharing Bubbe's recipe

with more hungry people

than ever before.

- Oh, so many hungry mouths,

all fed by Zora.

All right.

- Yes!

- I will turn capitalist

and help.

But I must keep cafeteria job,

which means PS 38 kitchen

will not work for cooking.

- Not a problem.

I know a kitchen

that's barely ever used.

- Hey, Nate.

Hey, PS 38 cafeteria lady.

Huh? Nate, why is PS 38's

cafeteria lady here?

- Oh. [chuckles]

Zora's my friend, Dad.

- Work friend.

- We launched

a business together.

- Is your business called

"Let's Feed the Bugs

in Our House Dinner"?

- Please relax, Dad.

With Zora's help,

we'll have enough cash to get

rid of these guys pronto.

- Hmm, I see you have many

large bugs in your kitchen.

I have solution.

[both gasp]

- What are you doing?

- In Koheshesberg,

c*ck is pleasing snack.

[bugs screeching]

Mmm.

[bugs squeal]

- Okay, that's enough.

- I should have offered

to you first as homeowner?

- No, nobody dies

in my kitchen.

Kindly take

this crime-filled operation

and hit the road.

- Hit the road, huh?

- Ta-dog!

- Dare I ask why you have this?

- As a young boy, I dreamed

of owning an RV

that looked like a hot dog.

- Yeah, that tracks.

- She is so beautiful.

Oh, state-of-art

miniature icebox with door,

built-in oven

for burnishing viscera,

bone knives for filleting

woodland creatures!

- We can sell to customers

right out of this window here!

- How much is asking price?

- For you, my little chica,

just fill her up before

you bring her back, huh?

- Oh! Very generous.

- Holy pierogi!

This truck is amazing!

- Oh!

- Zora, my friend,

we've got ourselves

a food truck.

- Order up, Chefs!

- Thanks, Chef!

[Peter Bjorn and John's

"Young Folks"]

- Okay, people, look alive!

We got two potato, two cheese,

three cheese and potato,

one plain.

- Got it, Chef.

[crowd cheering]

- All right, all right.

Hang tight, everyone!

You'll all get your pierogies.

Just, uh, get out those wallets

and enjoy some pleasing music

from Zora's home country.

- [inhales]

[discordant music]

[all groan]

- Nate, Zora,

you've got yourself a hit here!

With all these kids eating out

of the truck,

we don't even need

to keep the cafeteria!

- We don't need cafeteria?

- Nope! [chuckles]

- Ha! You hear that, Zora?

Now we can focus all our energy

on the truck.

- Yes, but, uh, of course,

this is wonderful.

- Day one, and practically

all of Rackleff is here.

My dad can consider those bugs

good as guh-guh-guh-guh-gone.

- [whistles]

Aah!

- [clears throat]

- All right, Mr. Beetle.

You already broke

rule number one.

Since I'm a nice roommate,

I'm gonna let this slide.

But rules are rules.

- [whines]

- Be free, Mr. Beetle. Free!

- [coos]

- Oh, for Pete's sake.

[rhythmic rave music]

[serene music]

- [squeaks]

[chirrups, snickers]

- Aah!

[bugs squeal, chitter]

[dramatic music]

- Nolan Vaughn,

the board has summoned you here

because one of

those delinquents from PS 38

is becoming, shall we say,

troublesome.

- His name is Nate Wright,

and his food truck is pulling

students out of our cafeteria!

- A cafeteria

that is a major source

of revenue for us.

- You do want

that equestrian center

stocked with genetically

modified Clydesdales,

don't you, Nolan?

- Oh, you know I do.

So what's the play?

- Well, that should

do the trick.

You guys stay on your side.

I stay on mine.

Everybody's happy.

Now let's get some lunch.

[bugs laugh]

Ugh, I'm such a bozo.

- [chitters]

- [pants]

[phone beeping]

Pick up, pick up, pick up!

[Baltimora's "Tarzan Boy"]

[phone beeps]

- Excuse me, children.

Duty calls!

- Butterflies are

very exciting.

- Let me take a selfie ♪

[kids cheering]

[upbeat pop music]

[Peter Bjorn and John's

"Young Folks"]

- Potatoes ready, Chef.

- Thank you, Chef!

For the Chef, Chef.

- Chef, Chef!

- Pounding, Chef.

- Grating, Chef.

[gasps] Oh, no, Chef!

- Chef!

All right, Chefs.

We open for lunch

in three, two--

one?

- Uh, where is everyone, Chef?

- [laughs] Ah!

Aah!

- Maybe the whole town

was wiped out

by a sudden tragic

molasses flood, Chef?

- Nope. Way, way worse, Chef.

[tense music]

- Have a delicious day!

- Nolan!

- Pierogies!

Steaming hot pierogies!

Half the price of Nate Wright's

and double the deliciousness.

You, sir.

- Me?

- Would you like to try one?

- Well, I do like cheap food.

- Of course you do.

- Wow. Thanks, young man!

- What do you think

you're doing?

- What's the matter, Natey-poo?

Afraid of a little competish?

Worried you can't compete

in our little tug-o-w*r?

Do fluorescent sea creatures

give you night terrors, hmm?

Do they?

- [growls]

- Whoa! Easy there, fella.

- [grumbles]

- Hey, Nate.

Don't get mad, man.

Get even.

[playful piano music]

- So they just moved in

with no warning?

- Well, uh, not--not quite.

Uh, Nate brought them in

and fed them a lot.

And now they won't leave.

- Oh dear.

And you've tried pesticide?

- No, I haven't.

- I see.

What about

a Fipronil powder b*mb?

Highly effective.

- Nope, not that either.

- What about

Septritide butoxide?

- Mm-mm.

- Uh, how 'bout

a large beek-heeled clog?

- Mm-mm.

- Deer blood?

- Mm-mm.

- Uh, essence of corn?

- No, no, no.

And did you say "deer blood"?

- That one is a tad risky.

- Look, I don't wanna harm

the bugs.

I just want them out.

- Aah!

- Well, why didn't you say so?

We'll just have

to reason with them.

Fortunately,

I speak fluent bug.

Ooh!

Kah-kah-kah-kah-kah!

Sh'ksh.

Sha-la, sha-la-la, sha-la-la.

Cluck, cluck, cluckity, cluck!

Dee-dah, dee-dih, dee-dih,

dee-dih, dee-dih, dee-dee.

Goo!

- [whistles]

- There, that should

take care of--

[rumbling]

Aah!

- How are we supposed

to compete with this?

- The business plan

doesn't even make any sense.

How can they turn a profit?

- It's like all they care about

is forcing us to shut up shop.

- All right, well,

I guess we just need

to cut our prices too.

- We're barely above water

as is, Nate.

- Oh. [laughs]

Uh, not for long.

[folk music]

- Rise, potato.

Be free for Zora.

Hello, Nate.

Did you come to join Zora

for potato coaxing?

- Coaxing ingredients

is a thing of the past, Zora,

and something you don't have

to worry about anymore!

- [gasps] But Zora was

not worried, Nate.

- Okay, maybe not, but

Jefferson is kicking our butts.

And if there's anything

I've learned from searching

the word "business"

on the Internet,

it's that we have

to use canned potatoes.

- But--but Nate--

- Canned potatoes,

or we're going out

of business, okay?

- Okay, I understand.

You can stay in the

ground, potatoes.

- By the way, your mole

looks really nice today.

[customers chattering]

Back in business, baby!

Chopping our prices in half

and using these canned potatoes

totally worked!

- I do not think this is made

from real potato, Nate.

- [laughs]

- Ah.

No time to be precious, Z.

The people are hungry,

and they want your 'rogies!

- [sadly] Oh.

Forgive me, Bubbe.

[whirring]

- Uh, does anyone else

hear that?

[customers clamor excitedly]

[Richard Wagner's

"Ride of the Valkyries"]

- Uh, are those--

all: Drones!

- Get down! Everyone, get down!

♪

- Woo-hoo-hoo! Yeah, baby!

- Sick of waiting

in Nate Wright's dumb lines?

Not anymore.

Call up

Jefferson's Pierogi Drones!

Free delivery, food on the go!

[customers cheering]

- Yeah!

- Aah!

[pants]

This means w*r!

[grumbling]

[dramatic western music]

[breathes deeply]

Attention,

Rackleff pierogi fiends!

Nate Wright here

with some important changes

to our brand!

all: Huh?

- Hit it, guys.

[bright dance music]

Introducing Zora's

brand-new Unicorn Pierogis!

- Whoa!

- That's so cool!

- Our signature pierogi dowsed

in every flavor of icing

that ever existed.

Can you say,

"Yummy, yummy, in my tummy"?

- Nate, Bubbe's recipe

has no unicorns.

There is no flavor icing.

It is simple pierogi.

- No, no, no. Trust me, Zora.

This is all the rage these

days--very influencer-friendly.

Uh, okay, okay.

Next up,

our Chicken and Waffle-rogi,

made with real maple syrup

flavor chunks!

- Wait, waffles? No!

No waffles!

- Don't worry so much.

This is gonna make us huge.

- No!

- We've got charcoal-infused

cold brew, meatless wheatgrass,

grilled cheese,

and much, much more!

- [whimpers]

[crowd cheering]

- I'll take

ten grilled cheeses.

- I want a unicorn one, Mom!

- Gimme ten of the vegan,

please.

Uh, what?

- [chuckles]

Isn't this amazing?

- [laughs uneasily]

- [gasps] My house.

[bug chitters]

- Sweet Tallahassee Moses.

You really should have

called a professional.

- I thought I did. Gah!

Good heavens, it's penetrating

the floorboard.

Pop Pop's Fabergé egg!

- Come back to your old job?

But your food truck

is doing so well!

I tried the unicorn pierogi.

It didn't taste very good,

but I got this fun photo.

Nice, right?

- Bubbe's pierogies

were never covered

with icing or syrup,

and Zora's should

not be either.

Please, principal of school,

I would like to come back

to work to PS 38.

- Well, I'm very sorry, Zora,

but there is no work at PS 38.

I've already repurposed

the cafeteria!

[motor revving]

[giggles]

Go, go, go, ha ha!

[Julius Fucik's

"Entrance of the Gladiators"]

♪

Ha ha! You did it!

[giggles]

- So Zora's cafeteria is now

circus for guinea pig?

- Hamsters!

[laughs excitedly]

Oh, the first-ever

cirque de souris!

That means "hamster"

in French, I think.

Ooh, look at that one!

Be careful, little man!

[laughs]

- [sighs sadly]

[wolf howls]

[bittersweet music]

- "Dear Nate, this is

very difficult letter for me

to write, mostly because I am

using carrot as pencil."

- [snores] Huh? What's this?

"I have made

discomfortable decision

of leaving Rackleff forever."

Forever?

"But I assure you,

I have thorough explanation."

- When I was young girl,

my Bubbe told me

everyone in Koheshesberg

had life's purpose.

Bubbe's was

to bake magnificent pierogi.

And one day, I would have

my own life purpose.

As I grew into woman,

I became quite good.

Then one day, Bubbe was bitten

by a virulent arachnid.

- [grumbles]

- Aah!

- And that was the end

for my Bubbe.

It was then that mydedushka

told me of my life's purpose.

It was to bring pierogi

to Rackleff

and share Bubbe's recipe

with the hungry children

of PS 38.

And she specifically said

"PS 38," even wrote it down

with what was left

of her rotting fingers.

But I failed.

I set aside Bubbe's recipe

just to be capitalist

and make money.

Now there is only one thing

left for Zora to do--

return to Koheshesberg

to receive new life's purpose

from village mayor.

Farewell, Nate Wright.

Please remember me fondly.

- [gasps]

- Heaven is the whole

of our hearts ♪

- What have I done?

[peaceful music]

♪

- [gasps]

[moving orchestral music]

♪

- Zora! [grunting]

- Nate, what are

you doing here?

- [spits] I came to find you.

I came to bring you back.

- I am sorry,

but I cannot stay.

I must return to Koheshesberg.

[horn blows]

- No, no! You said it yourself!

Your life's purpose was to feed

the hungry children of PS 38!

- Yes, it was, but

- But I ruined it.

- All aboard!

- Apologies, Nate Wright.

I must be going now.

- Wait, no!

[sighs]

I can't believe

how selfish I was.

[horn honks]

Zora!

[wailing]

- Nate! I come back home now!

- Don't worry, Zora!

This time,

we're gonna do it right!

[bugs chittering]

[both gasp]

- Pop Pop.

- Okay, Martin.

Now don't do anything rash.

I'll grab the egg,

and we'll get out of here.

You could start a new life

in a new house.

- No, no, no, no, no!

You have all crossed the line!

Galvin, suit up! This is w*r!

- Well,

I'm a pacifist typically,

but these bugs aren't typical!

Mallet me, baby!

- This is my house, my rules.

Nobody takes a bath

in my tub but me,

everybody replaces

their condiments,

and nobody touches

my Pop Pop's Fabergé egg!

[The Bangles' "Eternal Flame"]

- Close your eyes ♪

Give me your hand, darling ♪

Do you feel

my heart beating? ♪

Do you understand? ♪

Do you feel the same? ♪

- [laughs]

[screams]

- Am I only dreaming? ♪

Is this burning ♪

[both screaming]

- An eternal flame ♪

I believe it's meant

to be, darling ♪

- [yells]

- Sleeping ♪

You belong with me,

do you feel the same? ♪

Am I only dreaming? ♪

Or is this burning ♪

- You ready, Zora?

- Zora born ready.

- Welcome back, everyone!

Oh.

[wind whistling]

I don't get it.

There's nobody here.

What happened?

[drone whirring]

[suspenseful music]

- Your heart was

in right place, Nate Wright.

Bubbe would be proud.

[people screaming]

- Ugh, if only that would help

my dad.

- It's okay.

I know different way

to fulfill life's purpose.

- Ugh.

- Oh, good to be home.

- And a blessing in disguise

that the city shut down

my questionably moral

hamster circus.

I'll take two, please.

- [screams]

[all wince]

[bell rings]

[all scream]

- Well, I think

I did the right thing.

We used all the money we made

to get Zora's kitchen back

in working order,

but now the only thing

getting exterminated

is our budget.

And my dad may not

take the news so well.

- [mumbling]

- [chatters]

Um, uh, hey, Dad?

I've got something I have

to tell you.

- New business

didn't turn the profit

you were expecting, did it?

- Not even close.

- It's okay, Nate, really.

- It is?

- Yup, because I took care

of the bug problem.

- You did?

[gasps]

[horror music]

- [yelps, pants]

- [gags] It's a m*ssacre.

- All you have

to do is clean up!

[hums]

[bright music]

[bugs chittering]

- Aah!