02x21 - Nate Eat World

[bunniefuu]

[crashing]

[frogs croaking]

[squirrels chittering]

- [straining]

[screaming]

[laughs]

- Where is Nate?

He knows I get

performance anxiety,

and his lateness

is making it worse!

- [groans]

- Finally!

Nate, where have you been?

- [grunts]

- [giggles]

- Everywhere.

Nowhere. [sighs]

I've been wandering

aimlessly through a swamp

of heartbreak ever since

[sniffles]

Ruby.

- Bruh, you're still

bummed about that?

- I know how getting dumped

by a human girl feels.

And a bird.

And a trashbot.

But we're about to go on.

Can you pull it together,

just for this?

- [sighs]

I guess.

- Great. Do you all

remember the lyrics

to the new song I wrote,

"My Number 2 Pencil"?

- [sniffles]

Ruby returned

the pencil I gave her

on our two-week anniversary,

and--[sobs]

It's got her teeth marks on it.

Her molars have forever

left an impression

on this wood and my heart!

[sobbing]

[students screaming]

- Fear the Mollusk!

Quickly!

- Good luck, guys.

Tough crowd.

- [clears throat]

One, two, three.

- Oh, you're my

Number 2 pencil

And I love

to hold you tight

Not too soft, not too hard

Oh, you just feel write

Oh

You are long,

lean, and yellow

- Oh, Ruby.

This one's for you.

Oh, what is the point?

She snapped my heart in two

She erased me from her life

What am I supposed to do?

- Francis, those

aren't the lyrics.

- She put our love

in a sharpener

And now she's

probably using

The Number 2 pencil

of some other dude

Of some other dude

[sobbing]

[crying]

Ruby!

[crying]

[somber music]

Ahh!

[sobbing]

Big Nate.

Oof!

[whimpers]

- Oh, my gosh. He's so sad.

I heard he got his heart broken

by a high schooler.

- I heard he's got

a third nipple.

- Lucky.

- Hey, guys. Wait up.

[sighs] Ruby troubles

still got you down?

- Yeah.

Thanks to Nate's broken heart,

our audition stunk.

- She dumped me

and won't take me back.

I tried everything.

[sobbing]

[rock music]



[screams]

Hmm.

[sobbing]

[wood chipper whirring]

[panting, grunting]

[grunts]

[sobbing]

- Nate, we wanted to tell you

that we loved what you did

at the auditions yesterday.

- The performance was so raw.

We could literally

feel your pain.

It hurt so good.

- See?

I told you he's the real deal.

So emo.

- Wait, you guys

were into that?

- Oh, absolutely.

- We love pain.

- Do you know what this means?

- Uh, that the youth today

is borderline masochistic,

fetishizing mental

and emotional anguish,

and thereby

subconsciously utilizing

complex psychological issues

as social currency?

- Huh? I, uh--maybe.

B--but the talent show.

- Oh, yeah.

We're back, baby!

- For the talent show, I was

going to perform the monologue

from "Hamlet" from

the POV of Yorick's skull,

but I decided to take it

in a more nuanced direction.

Get this.

I'm world-premiering

the monologue from the POV

of Yorick's femur.

It's totally different.

Never been done before.

- A word to the wise,

groundlings.

Anyone entering the talent

show should take a page

out of Nate Wright's playbook.

To be a great performer,

you need to know pain.

- What?

That can't be true.

I love method acting as

much as the next thespian,

but we don't all need

to actually be tortured.

- [laughs]

Only a sheltered actor

destined for mediocre obscurity

would utter such

piddling codswallop.

To perform "Hamlet,"

one must have edge.

One needs to have suffered.

- But I have a great life,

and I've always managed to

deliver powerful performances,

if I do say so myself.

- Mmm.

How powerful are

those performances really

if you don't know

your character's pain?

Mmm?

- Ooh.

- Oh, hello children.

Here is double helping

of Carnivore Surprise.

- Ugh.

- Oh, hello also, boy

with heart ripped from chest.

I am big fan of your new song.

I play it during

karate lessons.

[heart thumping]

[mournful music]

- [sighs]

- Whoa!

He's so sensitive and--

- So emo.

- Hmph.

- Hey, what's wrong?

- Nothing.

And that's what's wrong.

- What are you talking about?

- I got great friends,

an amazing girlfriend,

and my parents love

me unconditionally.

It's a perfect life.

How am I supposed

to become a great actor

under those conditions?

[groans]

[bright classical music]

Hmph.

- Everything okay, Dee Dee?

You've barely touched

your meatless meatloaf.

It's your favorite.

- This is exactly the kind

of parental concern

that's destroying

my acting career.

- What was that, sweetie?

- [sighs] Nothing.

- Oh, shnookums.

If you're done eating,

how about you go do the dishes?

The family chore chart says

it's your turn tonight.

- I do love that chore chart.

See how it's color-coded

to make sure

we all do our fair share?

No slow building

resentments in this family.

[both giggling]

- [grumbles]

Hmm?

How am I going to deliver

the monologue of a lifetime

when I'm so well-adjusted?

[both giggling]

[maniacal laugh]

[tense music]



- Huh.

Where did Dee Dee go?

- [giggles] This is it.

Family drama, here I come-a.

- Wasn't Dee Dee supposed

to do the dishes?

- Yes, but guess she forgot.

- Hey!

Aren't you gonna

yell at me or something?

I didn't clean that.

- Of course we're not gonna

yell at you, pumpkin.

- We've got your back, sweetie.

We understand that you've

probably got a lot of homework.

And homework comes fir--

- I don't have homework.

I don't have any reason.

I just don't feel like it.

- Oh.

I see what's happening here.

- She's reached her next

development milestone.

- Rebellious tween stage.

- [groans] I'll show you

rebellious tween stage.

[downbeat rock music]



- Hey.

- [grunts]

- Hmph.

So what do you think?

- [sighs]

I think nothing matters.

Life is fleeting, and we're

all just dying organisms,

floating around on a boulder

in an endless abyss

of darkness and pain.

- Uh, friend Nate,

we know you are to be

very heartbroken right now.

But what if you please

put pieces of heart

into song like before?

- Artur is right.

For the first time ever,

people are into our music

and your singing.

- Yeah, bruh.

The sadder we sound,

the better our shot

at winning the talent show.

The whole school's on our side.

- [groans]

[bell dinging]

- Hey, Nate.

- Huh?

- Ruby!

- [stammering] Ruby.

I'm here.

I mean, uh, you're here,

which is, uh--which is great.

Because I, uh--

so--so--so am I.

- Smooth.

- I wanted to tell you

how much I loved

your performance yesterday.

I didn't know you had

more than one dimension.

- I do?

- I can't wait to see you

guys at the talent show.

Wanna maybe hang out tomorrow?

- [gasps]

[gasp continues]

Ow!

I mean, yeah.

Yeah, that sounds--

that sounds--sure.

- Cool.

See you tomorrow.

- Ruby!

- What are you

slackers waiting for?

We've got a talent show to win.

[bell dings]

- 'Cause you're the last

of a dying breed

Write our names

in the wet concrete

I wonder if your therapist

knows everything about me

I'm here in search

of your glory

There's been

a million before me

That ultra kind of love

You never walk away from

You're just the last

of the real ones



You're just the last

of the real ones

- [screams]

[crowd cheering]

You're just the last

of the real ones

You're just

the last of real ones

You're just the last

of the real ones

You're just

the last of the real ones

You're just the last

of the real ones



- Hm?

- I am a collapsing star

with tunnel vision

But only for you

- Oh, yeah!

But only for you

My head is stripped just

like a screw that's been

Tightened too many times

When I think of you

When I think of you

- Hm?

- I will shield you

from the waves

If they find you

- Hmm.

- I will protect you

I will protect you

Just tell me, tell me,

tell me

I, I am the only one

Even if it's not true

Even if it's not true

Yeah

'Cause you're the last

of a dying breed

- [groans]

Write our names

in the wet concrete

I wonder if

your therapist knows

[music fades out]

- Anyone catching

a weird vibe

in the cafeteria?

- [groans]

[tense music]

- [neck cracks]

- [slurping]

- Nate, are your

spikes perkier?

[bell dings]

- Maybe.

[laughs] So?

- Someone looks

happy.

[tense music]

- Hey, thanks, man.

- Poseur.

- Gulp.

[dog panting, sniffing]

[dog howls]

[metal music blaring]



- [muffled] Dee Dee.

we have a little

something for you.

- [giggles] This is it.

Here come the troubled

tween pamphlets.

They're totally gonna

send me away.

[inhales deeply]

Ya?

- Ta-da!

- Wha--

- We got you a first-edition

copy of "Hamlet."

It's from the 1600s.

- [quivering]

- Ooh, there's something rotten

in the state of Rackleff.

- Oh.

Well, anyway, we know

how hard you've

been working at your

monologue for the talent show,

so we wanted to give

you something special.

- Seriously?

Oh, wow.

I--I mean

ugh.

I--I won't be baited

into better behavior

by some extremely important,

historic,

and ridiculously thoughtful

pile of dust.

[cat meows]

[yowls]

You probably just

want me to run away

and make your lives easier.

- Dee Dee, of course

we don't want you to run away.

But if you feel that

it's right for you,

then we support your decision.

- This go-bag has

been here for years.

- We've actually

been anticipating

your rebellious phase

for a while now.

- [groans]

[door slams]

I can't win.

- I missed you today,

my little cuddle bucket.

- I missed you too,

sugar spikes.

- [gags]

You guys were only apart

today for, like, five minutes.

- Worst five minutes

of my life.

- Hey, I think I'm gonna need

a cuddle bucket of my own

to yak in. [retches]

- I, for one, am filled

with much happiness

to see friend Nate happy again.

[grunts]

- I had to use a whole

bottle of hair gel

to keep his spikes

down this morning.

- [giggles]

- Speaking of our fans, they

seemed pretty upset today.

- Isn't that their thing?

Besides, I've got some genius

ideas for some new songs.

No need to worry, Fran Fran.

- You should have

said that sooner.

We've been wasting

all this time.

- Yeah, listening to you

to be all ooey-gooey.

- It makes me tingly.

[laughs]

- Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Relax. Let's see.

Uh, ooh, ooh.

"Let's Hear it for Joy."

- Yeah!

- No? Okay. Okay.

Let's try, uh--ooh.

"Love to Love

Your Love Stink."

- [laughs]

That's hilarious, Nate.

Now, come on.

Let's hear something

depressing.

You are just so cute

when you're broken.

- Uh--

- I agree with Ruby.

None of this matches

our new image.

- Yeah, I--I don't care

if it matches our new image.

It sucked being

down in the dumps.

It was the total opposite

of being awesome.

I'm never going down that dark,

un-awesome road again.

- If we want to win

the talent show,

your life needs

to be miserable.

- Yeah, man.

Just pretend you're your dad.

- That's hurtful.

- Oh, so you get to be happy,

but I don't?

- Uh, I think I'm

gonna get going.

My mom needs help

fracking our toilet

or something.

- Ruby, wait! Come back!

- Amy.

He-hey.

Check me out.

I'm really doing it.

I'm roughing it

like the greats.

- Dee Dee, you can't

sleep out here alone.

- I'm not alone.

Janet's here, too.

- Do either of you

have a cup of sugar?

- Janet, you've asked me

that six times already.

- Oh.

And did you give it to me?

- Look, Dee Dee,

I've seen great performers

on Broadway who came

from good, loving homes.

It's not a bad thing

to have support in your life.

- Hmm. Oh.

[laughs]

I see what's happening here.

Admit it.

You can't handle me.

- I know what you're doing,

and I'm not gonna

fight with you, Dee Dee.

I'm not your Ophelia.

You know, there are enough

problems in the world.

You don't need to create them.

[gentle music]



- Okay.

How about a song called

"Deviated Septum"?

- Deviated what now?

- Look, guys, the talent

show is tonight.

We need to figure this out.

And, Nate, you don't

look sad enough.

- [stammering] Stop it!

Ruby wants me to be sad.

The--the fans

want me to be sad.

You dorks want me to be sad.

- I'm up.

What's happening?

- I can't even enjoy

all the attention

I'm getting because I have

to act miserable!

[echoing] Miserable!

Miserable!

You know what?

If you guys aren't okay

with me being okay here,

well, then I'll go

be okay somewhere else.

Okay? [grunts]

[Dee Dee snoring]

[melancholy rock music]

What do they

want from me?

Emo dream boy wannabe

[car horns honking]

Eyeliner and angsty anthems

The only way she'll

join my fandom

She threw my heart

for a loop

Why am I always

covered in goop?

It's in my hair

and everywhere

Oh, that's it!

I don't care

[upbeat rock music]

It was then I decided

I never thought

I'd see the day

Oh, I really am okay

Don't tell me

that I'm not okay



It looks like

she's gone again

But I really can't complain

The pain has finally

taken a permanent vacay

Even if no one

accepts me this way

Uh, seriously, guys, I'm okay.

It was then I decided

I never thought

I'd see that day

Oh, I really am okay

Don't tell me that

I'm not okay



[dissonant circus music]

- [cackling]

[grunts, chuckles]

[growling]

- Dee Dee on deck.

Dee Dee?

Wherefore is that Dee Dee?

- [panting] I'm here.

I--I'm ready to crush

my monologue.

- Ahh!

By Aladdin's calf muscle.

Dee Dee, look like you just

got into a fight

with a goat and lost.

- Actually, yeah,

that's pretty accurate.

[shivering]

[suspenseful music]

- [grunts]

- [growls]

[bell dings]

[grunts, screams]

I've been making myself suffer

to become a better actor,

like you said.

- [growls]

[toy squeaks]

[toy squeaks]

- Good luck following

that, buttmunch.

- Okay, I got this.

I got this.

[yawns] Oh, no.

Oh, no.

Oh. This never happens.

What's my line again?

Oh.

[tense music]



Uh.

Oh, um, I--

I, uh--

femur?

[cricket chirping]

[crowd booing]

[crying]

I don't want to be here.

- I can't believe Nate is

doing this to me again!

- Friend Nate is

to be here soon, yes?

- I hope so because Freakout

Francis is freaking me out.

- Would you stop that?

[balloon deflating]

[somber music]

- Dee Dee?

What are you doing here?

- I could ask you

the same thing.

Shouldn't you be at

the talent show, like, now?

- [sighs] Yeah.

I'm supposed to be.

But Ruby, my band,

and all the fans--

I mean, they want me

to show up and act all sad.

But that's not

what I am anymore.

- I get it.

I sabotaged things with Amy,

my relationship

with my parents,

and even my performance,

all because I thought

I wasn't suffering enough.

- You want suffering?

Try wearing

bubble-wrap underwear.

[yelps]

Listen, kids.

Forget what everyone

else thinks.

Just be true to yourselves.

Like me.

I couldn't be happier.

- Truth, Janet. Respect.

By the way, do you want

to crash at my place

for a couple nights?

We have plenty of space

and a really nice comfy couch.

- No, thanks.

I actually live in

that house right there.

I just stay out here

to catch aliens.

I'm gonna rock

the scientific community

one day with my truth.

Onward, Vincent!

[goat bleats]

- Whoa. That's it!

Dee Dee, I know

what we have to do.

- And now, for the performance

you've all been waiting for,

Fear the Mollusk!

[cheering]

[crowd gasps]

- [nervous chuckle]

- What is she doing up there?

- Hi, everyone.

I--I'm back.

So I learned something

important this week

that I need to share.

[sentimental music]

[breathes deeply]

It's okay to be okay.

- What?

[sighs]

[thud]

- And you don't need

to be miserable

to be a great artiste.

[booing]

- Dee Dee is right.

Being depressed blows.

So does eyeliner.

You know what?

Slouching stinks too.

- As Polonius says in "Hamlet,"

"To thine own self be true."

- We're kids, and we have our

whole lives to be miserable.

Like my dad.

- I am just trying

to take a bath.

- So instead of playing

another mopey song

about doubt and despair--

yuck--

we're gonna play something

meaningless and fun.

Okay, guys, you ready?

"Cafeteria Mush" on three.

Okay. One, two, three!

[dramatic tone]

Wow.

They were not into that.

Who knew preteens loved

being unhappy so much?

- Pretty much the whole world.

- Well, I stand by my motto--

make farts, not w*r.

- Is eating ice cream

supposed to hurt this much?

- It is if you do it right.

[slurping]

[screams]

[ice shatters]

Yep!

Delicious.

- Hey, I'm really sorry.

Thank you for

being so supportive

of me no matter what.

I really am a lucky girl.

- And a great actress.

- So how do you think

Ruby's gonna feel

about the whole not-emo Nate?

- Oh, I'm pretty sure I know.

[rimshot]

- Oof.

Sorry.

- It's cool.

The truth is,

I like being happy,

and I should be with somebody

who appreciates that.

- Yeah.

Like how Vincent van Gogh

appreciates

my passion for alien hunting.

[ominous music]



- Bah.

[all screaming]

- It was then I decided

I never thought

I'd see the day

Oh, I really am okay

Don't tell me

that I'm not okay



It looks like

she's gone again

But I really can't complain

The pain has finally

taken a permanent vacay

Even if no one

accepts me this way