02x02 - Jungle Centipede

[bunniefuu]

- Cute dress she has on.
- Yeah.

Are you happy to see me?

Yes.

- Toby--
- Hiya, Matilda!

Oh, my God.

Dad, you're supposed
to stay in the car.

Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't
know the rules.

Okay.
Hi, Matilda!

Hello, Drea's Mom!

That's a lovely dress
you've got on.

Yeah, I said
the same thing earlier.

Thank you.

Suze has been practicing

social distance on me,

just 'cause I forgot
our anniversary.

What?

He's making a joke.

It's a terrible dad joke.

Can we go now, please?

Oh... Yes. Yes.
Yes, dear.

Uh, let us know
if you need anything.

We're right here.

Bye.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi.

Genevieve, do you
wanna wrestle?

Is no one else
weirded out

with what's happening
out there?

Alex, do you
wanna wrestle?

You're gonna get it.

Matilda making her girlfriend

socially distance,
it's atypically weird.

You always pretend
you wanna wrestle

but you just wanna kiss.

Her parents
are just sitting there.

What? I thought they
were just dropping her off.

They're literally
just eating popcorn.

Well, what do I do?

I feel like I should
invite them in,

but that's... I can't.

Matilda says I'm not allowed.

Do they know
that I'm not allowed?

- Go say hi.
- "Say hi"?

I don't wanna talk
to new people.

I don't know
how to talk to new people.

Ask them questions.

Ugh. Questions?

Why does
everyone always want me

to ask questions?

Did you hear
Luke got into

a sports
management course?

No.

It has a very low
success rate as a career.

Hi, Drea. I'm going to make
small talk with your parents

'cause I'm a big,
brave boy.

Hello.

Bye.

- Hello. Hi, there.
- Wow!

Look at you!

You're as
tall as can be.

Thank you.

I hope you don't mind
us settling in out here.

No, I don't mind it,
but I don't like it.

I mean, my guests
stuck in their car. How drab.

We're absolutely fine,
we've got CD's.

I mean,
even with CD's...

There must simply be
more to life

than this driveway
to nowhere.

Oh, we're fine.

Plus, nobody's
really trying

to live their lives
nowadays, are they?

Ohh.

Toby's just
a little disappointed.

Uh, when Drea
went to college

we were gonna go
on a cruise to Alaska.

Oh!

I went on a cruise once,

but I did
the g*y version.

Yeah, no one chose me

so instead I just
got fat at the buffet.

Those men missed out
on something very special.

Thank you.

Thank you so, so much.

- I'll tell you this...
- Hmm.

...those tickets,
they were not cheap.

Yeah.

Do you know
what I think?

- I'll tell you what I think.
- What?

I think maybe
what this calls for

is frozen mojitos,

would you like
a frozen mojito?

Ohh, no!

- Oh...
- No.

We're off
processed sugar.

Oh...

We're not off sugar.

That's a lie
we tell each other.

Yes! Okay!

Frozen mojitos.
Gorgeous.

Mojitos!

- In the car!
- Okay.

Personally,
I'm taking a gap year.

It's very British.

People don't do that here,

but I don't always
follow the rules.

That makes sense.

I was dazzling!

I always get so g*y

when I'm talking
to heterosexual people.

I do it on purpose
'cause they need it so much.

How are Matilda
and Drea acting?

Uh, cute.

Yeah, they're like cute,
I guess.

My parents
are getting divorced.

Now?

Yeah, my dad's
about to call.

How are you
feeling about that?

Probably not good.

I don't know.

What's divorce
to a 25-year-old?

I need you to tell me.

I don't know.

Like, I honestly
don't know.

I-I guess
I'm just disappointed

they aren't gonna
try to buy my love.

I mean,
I need a new sweater.

It's just that
if you don't know
if you're sad or not,

then I can't work out
how to appropriately react.

I think you can
just be normal.

Normal feels like
a loaded request.

I, um...

I offered Toby and Suze
frozen mojitos,

but I...

Yeah, I'm not gonna follow
through with that anymore.

Actually, I think, uh,

frozen mojitos
may be the only option.

Oh, my God.
That's what I said.

That's what I said
out there.

Just now.
Me and you are so cute.

We're not
getting divorced.

My dad.

Oi. Ugh!

Oof!

How are you?

Where will you go?

It's so hot
when he signs, yes?
Why is that?

Just doin' all hot stuff
with his fingers.

Literally why would you
say that to me?

Do you think I haven't
experienced enough trauma?

Okay, for how long?

Wh...

Our ice
always smells so weird.

Shh.

I'm sorry, Dad.

Okay, fine, yes.

If you wanna go...

you should just go.

Talk to you later.

Okay. No, I'm just gonna throw
the stuff in this blender out

and I'm gonna
go out there

and I'm gonna say
to Toby and Suze

that you got sad news

and so we can't have
frozen mojitos.

No, I don't want them
to know I'm sad.

Okay, I'm sorry.
Just...

Okay, I do not wanna
turn this on, I don't,

but, also,
I don't know how to

go out there
without frozen mojitos

if I can't tell them
that you're sad.

Just blend the mojitos.

Okay.

So, Alex,
you're a dentist.

Yeah, but with
everything on hold,

I'm outta work right now.

So...

Oh!

Mm-mmm.

What do you guys do
when you're not in the car?

Oh, this and that.

I'm a commercial
property evaluator.

Oh, my God, really?

Could you evaluate
our house?

There's a reason
I'm not in residential.

He gets so offended
when people ask.

I'm not offen...

I'm not offended,
Nicholas.

I'm just not gonna
take a guess.

Just guess, Toby.

- No one cares.
- I won't do it, Susan!

I... I'm...
Susan, please?

Come on, Tobes,
just a little guess.

Just a cheeky little guess.
What do you reckon?

Uh, can I go
to the bathroom?

Do you want me to...
Do you want me
to come with you?

No.

I think it's nice
when a friend

escorts a friend
to the bathroom.

Mm-hmm.

Could you tell
I was happy to see you?

I wasn't sure.

The answer is yes.

I love the sun
but Drea hates the sand.

We always go
once a quarter, though.

That's been
a family rule
from the start.

Do you wanna discuss
what might happen
between us sexually

when we're
able to touch?

Okay.

Uh, do you
wanna start?

- No.
- I'll start.

So... I'm kissing you
on your mouth.

Where?

On the mouth,
I just said.

No, I mean,
like, where are we?

Oh! A castle.

Oh. Fun.

Is it medieval?

No. Mm...
It-it's your turn.

Oh, this is hard.

Just tell me the first

sexual thought
that comes to mind.

Do it, Susan.

We don't have any rules
in our relationship, do we?

Just, uh,
never leaving me.

We have a lot of rules.

- It's... It's mostly rules.
- We do.

A lot of rules.

Rule number one,
everyone does a whirl.

Suze--

Nicholas?

Nicholas?

Yes, my American lover?

There's a dead bird.

Oh, my God.
No, there is.
Oh, my God.

Oh, no!

Poor little buddy.

You know what?

I will bet that a cat
left it as a gift.

Everyone always says that
when they see a dead bird,

but I don't think
they're gifts.

I think that cats
are showing off.

Nicholas,
what are you doing?

I wanna find out
what species it is.

Can we just toss it?

I wouldn't think so.

No, not before finding out
what species it is.

I think it is
a California thrasher.

Oh, my God,
I think you might be right.

- Mm-hmm.
- I think that's
a little thrasher.

Okay, now can we
get rid of it?

Um...

Okay, yeah.

I can do it.
I'll get rid of it.

I just need, um...

Yep, I'll do it.

- Here, here.
- Yes, you can do it.

- Use this.
- Oh. Thanks.

You can do it.

Hmm.

You can do it.

Actually, um...

Yeah, I can't do it.

I don't know why.
I just can't.

I can't put it
on the...

I can't put it on it.

Oh, yeah,
that's all right.

Toby can do it.

- It's a dad job.
- Thank you.

Dad jobs are always
the worst jobs.

Well, you know
what's a bad mom job?

Childbirth.

Mom pulls out
the trump card, right?

Okay, give me the bag.

Oh... Oh!

Oh, there you go.

Babe, I think
that might be the wrong bin.

No, that's right.
Organics in the green bin.

Not meat though.

Under a waterfall.

At the beach.

The waves lapping.

Very public.

Very difficult positions.

There's sand everywhere,

but not, like,
in our mouths.

Uh... That sounds
complicated.

I can simplify it
for you.

No, I think I just need
a moment to process it.

Okay, I'll wait.

Ahh. You know...

they say a sneeze
is one-tenth of an orgasm.

Oh. Hmm.

You never really
meet that many guys

that are into, like,
big ba*ls, huh?

What's that about?

Uh, why isn't that
more popular?

You just never meet
a guy that was like,

"Oh, it was so hot,
he took off his pants

and he had the biggest,
most beautiful ba*ls."

I hate them.

I hate everything
about them.

Sorry, what?

Toby and Suze.

That's not true.

- They aren't fun people.
- They're fun people!

Nicholas, they're not
fun people.

You're just lashing out
'cause you've had
an emotional week.

Okay, so what's so fun
about them?

Sure, they put
naughty little carob chips

into their trail mix,
then what?

Let me stare
into your eyes.

Hey?

Okay, I'm gonna
cancel them tomorrow.

Come in.

Um, sorry, do you mind

if I borrow Nicholas
for a moment?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, actually,
can we stay in here?

Ohh. And I...
And I go?

- Yes.
- Okay. Yeah.

Um... Where do you
want me to go?

Just... somewhere.

Okay, is the...

Is the bathtub
too close for you too?

Maybe just play some music.

Okay.

I think Matilda
is using social distancing

to avoid touching Drea.

Okay?

When I looked
at Matilda's laptop

I saw a quiz
about figuring out
if you're a l*sbian.

That's not that big a deal,
is it?

Is it?

I mean, I would've
done that quiz

if it popped up
in front of me.

Yeah, but everything was
her trying to figure out

why she isn't
attracted to girls.

Um, I don't know,
maybe it was just her

trying to work
something out

or maybe
it's the real reason

why she's avoiding
going near Drea.

Yeah.

This is gonna be
really difficult

for you to hear,
Nicholas, but...

I think Matilda
is heterosexual.

Oh, no, yeah,
that is difficult to hear.

That is. I'm disa...
I am disappointed.

There's gonna be
a lot of heartbreak.

I wasn't trying
to trick Drea.

No one thinks
you were trying to trick Drea.
- No. Yeah.

I thought
I was pansexual

because I read
everyone is,

but I'm not.

And you're absolutely
sure about that?

Yes.

Okay, so...

why did you want Drea

to keep being your girlfriend?

Because I love Drea.

I do, but I've tried
so hard...

I thought I could
change myself,

but I can't.

And I'm sorry, I just...

don't like vaginas.

Yeah, I mean,
listen, I get it.

I mean, I get it.
I just--

I've been trying
to figure out how...

to do...

"it."

Babe, I don't think
you're gonna be able
to figure out how to do it.

What do you wanna do?

It's okay,
as long as she thinks

we're
social distancing,

she won't be upset.

Hey...

You're not gonna be able
to social distance forever,
though, are you?

I mean, at some point
Drea's gonna wanna

touch her girlfriend again.

But if I tell her I'm not
attracted to women, then...

she won't wanna be
my girlfriend anymore.

Yeah, that...
That's probably true.

Matilda, you have to
break up with her.

Okay.

Tomorrow?

Sunshine...

Toby and Suze
are coming over
again tomorrow,

but there's
an important reason,
I promise.

Sunshine

Alex, honey, if you don't
wanna look at the drone,

he needs to hear a firm no.

He's very literal.

- Okay, that's cool.
- Don't be nervous.

Everybody gets nervous
trying something
the first time.

You forgot
the Pavlova cake,
didn't you?

Ugh!

Nicholas!

Hi!

I told him to bring it
three times.

He just doesn't
register anything.

Oh, it's okay, really.

We probably shouldn't be
eating anymore treats, huh?

Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.

Nicholas and I,
we are turning into foie gras.

Here, here, here.

I'll show you how high
I can make it go.

Wow. Cool.

I have a speech.

"Drea, wow...

"what a ride.

"Adolescent sexuality
is beautiful...

but confusing."

Your hands are shaking.

Oh. What?
Uh, sorry.

I forgot
what I was doing.

Uh, the-the next card.

"Therefore...

"it is with a heavy heart

"that I inform you that...

I'm not q*eer."

- You're not q*eer?
- Uh...

Uh... I lost my-my spot.

I lost my spot!

Here.

Don't be silly,
you have a great figure.

Like one of those blow-up men
outside of car dealerships.

Oh, long in the torso,
is that what you mean?

Yeah.

Ow!

- Ow. Ow. Ow.
- Oh, my God.

- Ohh!
- Did I getcha?

Yes, you did get her!

This is not good luck.

We'll need to get it out.

Oh, it's...

Oh, my God!
Can you turn it off?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got it. I got it.

Okey-dokey.

What can I do?
Can I help or...

- We need scissors.
- Scissors?

You want help or not?

"I've stolen your
best years from you.

"And I don't wanna
steal any more.

"I think it would be best
for us both

"if we break up.

The end."

How do you know
you're not attracted to women?

p*rn*graphy.

The categories I choose.

I am very upset now
and I wanna go home.

Duke, release.

People will barely notice.

Okay.

I just wanna say I'm sorry
that I snapped earlier.

No one remembers.

Drea, I'm sorry!

I need to go now.

I have to go.
I want to go now!

- Oh, we're going? Now?
- Yes!

How bad is it on a scale
from one to five?

Four and a half!

People, pack it up!
Pack it up!

Okay, I'm on it!
I'm on it!

I'll help!

What's wrong, Drey-Drey?

What happened?

I'm not q*eer.

Nicholas, what's going on?

She's not q*eer?

She's a heterosexual.

Well, that's devastating!

That's absolutely
devastating!

Yeah, um, sexuality, you know,
it can be a bit of a...

it can be a journey.

People... Uh...
You have to figure it out.

Sometimes
people have to try things.

Is that what this is?

My daughter's is not
like a prop at a party

you kiss to turn on boys
on the water polo team.

Sometimes good things
have to fall apart

for better things
to come together.

Oh, shut up.

Susan, I think it's time
for some grounding exercises.

- I'm not grounding
right now, Toby.
- Shh.

- Susan--
- Why do you ever think

that telling me to ground
is gonna help ground me?

It is maddening, Tobias.

It's a maddening thing
to suggest.

Shh.

Top of head.

Top of the head.

- Eyebrow.
- Eyebrow.

- Side of eye.
- Side of eye.

- Under eye.
- Under eye.

- Under nose.
- What's happening?

Emotional Freedom Therapy.

It's good for anxiety.

...top of the head.

Eyebrow.
Side of eye.

Under eye.

- Under nose.
- Under nose.

- Under chin.
- Chin.

- Collarbone.
- Collarbone.

Under arm.

- Top of head.
- Top of head.

- Eyebrow.
- Eyebrow.

- Side of eye.
- Side of eye.

- Under eye.
- Under eye.

- Under nose...
- Did you just throw me a wink?

Yeah.

Is it because
you're in love with me?

- Yeah.
- Oh.

Cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

Ooh.

Oh, God.

Oh, hi.

Hello, Nicholas.

Hi. How are you?
Is Drea okay?

Um, do you
hate us all forever?

Uh... Yeah,
I'm just calling

because, uh, Toby grabbed
one of your salad bowls.

He just doesn't
pay attention.

And, uh, do-do you want it back?

No. Oh, God,
I don't need it back.

You keep it,
as an apology salad bowl.

It's a... It's a good bowl,
don't be silly,

I'll bring it by.
Are you busy?

No. Never.

Never ever, ever,
ever, ever been.

Fine. I'll, uh...

I'll bring it by
with the Pavlova cake.

- No one here eats sugar.
- Okay.

So it'll-it'll go to waste.

Yeah, I mean,
I love some Pavlova.

Oh! Well, I...

I guess I can...
I can have a slice.

I'm allowed one.