02x05 - California Banana Slugs

[bunniefuu]

♪

I see stained carpet.

Please don't.

Help me.

So, uh, what will you do

with your first night
of freedom?

-[laughter]
-Okay.

Um, I just didn't
think to invite him.

Yeah, why didn't you
invite Nicholas?

It's nothing.

Like, lately
it's been challenging.

He never listens to me

and he's always
making me feel like

I'm dumb for complaining.

[sighs deeply]

I'm not you and Mom.

Okay, well,
I don't agree with that.

He just wants me to be single
with him so he's not alone.

♪

[beeps]

-Hi.
-Hi.

-I'm going now.
-No. Wait, wait, wait, wait.

First, I got this
whole apology for you.

What for?

Well, 'cause you got upset.

Ah. Because I got upset,

so it's on me now.

Well... Oh, I see.

Um... No, I just, um...

-No, I just wanna apologize...
-[smoke detector beeps]

...that, um,
I, just because...

Ohh!

Oh, I really thought
I could do this, but I just...

Apologies, you know, they always
get stuck in my throat.

Okay, should I search
"How to do an apology"?

No, I think it's fine,
I think we did it.

I think you get it.

[laughs]
"Step one:

Acknowledge the mistake."

Okay. Um, I think that, um...

Well, I didn't ask you
how you feel

about your
parents' divorce enough.

Right?

-And?
-And?

When I do ask, I, um,

I'm a little bit
robotic-seeming.

Is that good? Am I doing it?
Am I doing a good job?

Yeah, you're doing a great job.

I think you're right on track.

It's just that you
should have just told me

if that's what you wanted, okay?
'Cause, like, I didn't...

How am I to know
if you don't tell me?

Okay, well, step two
was "take ownership,"

so you fumbled there.

-[smoke detector beeps]
-[sighs]

It just keeps beeping,
doesn't it?

-Just k--
-Should we try the last step?

Just keeps beeping.

Um, yes, please.

"Step three: Commit to change."

Ugh. That just feels
like a lie, doesn't it?

No, it does, people don't
actually change, do they?

I'm just gonna wait out
you processing that.

[laughs] Okay.

I'm, um...

I'm gonna try harder to be
less robotic with my empathy,

because it's not easy
to date a robot, is it?

'Cause you can't
really trust robots.

So, what I'm gonna do
is I'm gonna try and be more...

I'm gonna try and be less...

I'm gonna try and be
more like, "Hey, buddy."

-You did it.
-I did it?

-Yeah.
-[smoke detector beeps]

Oh, my God.

-I'll see you later.
-Bye.

Your heart's
about to be all aflutter.

Genevieve: Why?

It's from your
special little friend.

-Oscar?
-Mm-hmm.

Someone bought me a present.

It's not my birthday

and they're not even
related to me,

and they bought me a present.

-What is it?
-It-it's a record.

Well, that's quite nice.

It's in a...
Sort of quite calming

in its expectedness, actually.

Yeah.

I actually quite liked that.

Opening up that box.

Where do we, like, put that?

There's a record player
in the garage.

I'd bloody love
to look for a record player.

I would.

OMW means "On my way."

GTHI. Good To Hear It.

That's a new one.

Don't write that, it's a joke.

Here they are.

It's Drea and Matilda.

♪ Drea, Matilda
Drea, Matilda ♪

♪ They're not lesbians
but they are together ♪

♪ Never touching ♪

♪ But they are
in love-ah-ba-ba-ba ♪

Um, actually I identify
as h*m*-romantic asexual.

-Okay.
-We invited a man
named Ian over

for a no-strings-attached
hookup.

A what, a man?

-Matilda: Yes.
-Who?

Ian.

He's 26.

No. 26 is too old.

Please tell them 26 is too old.


in the Middle Ages.

I love how much you know
about history, Genevieve.

-Who is he?
-Ian.

Yes, I know that, but, like,
what do we know about him?

We don't know
anything about him.

We've agreed not to ask him.

Drea:
Yeah, Matilda will
introduce herself

and then she'll take him
into the bedroom.

Wait, this is something
you guys are doing together?

I'm asexual, Genevieve.
What would I do in there?

Drea stays in the kitchen.

Drea:
I don't have to
stay in the kitchen.

It's wherever
I feel comfortable.

Well, when you put it that way,

it's a beautiful plan.

No, I have decided
this isn't allowed.

I don't need your permission,
I own a third of this house.

Well, actually I think you do.

I'm 18. I'm allowed
to join the military.

Yeah, and if you were
joining the military,

I'd say,
"Babe, nah, don't do that.

That's not good."

It's really important
you don't make this awkward

and ruin everything!

Matilda...

I do not want a 26-year-old
heterosexual man in this house.

Well, it's not like
we're going to do it

on the lawn!

[Nicholas sniffles, sighs]

Did you...

Did you sniffle?

Like a bit. A bit. Maybe a bit.

Oh, God.
You are... You're crying.

It's fine. Please.
Just ignore me.

Thank you. Please.

Yeah.

-Yep. Okay.
-Okay.

[sniffles, exhales]

Parenting is like,
it's hard, isn't it?

Mm-hmm.

All right. Cool.

I'm here. I'm back, baby.
I'm back!

I'm ready to help.

[Nicholas exhales deeply]

Yeah, um...

Maybe we should do
the record a different day.

No, today, please.

If you promise to be a big boy

and not cry around it again.

This is a formative
teen moment for me

and I'd really like to enjoy it.

[sniffles] Yeah.

Okay, understood.

Um, do you mind if I sit here?

I-I won't interrupt.

Uh, we would love it
if you sat there,

and you're very welcome
to interrupt.

Drea:
What are you doing?

Uh, we're gonna listen
to the sound of Oscar's heart.

-[knock on door]
-Oh, God, he's here.

-Matilda: Hello, Ian.
-Hey, what are you doing?

This all feels very sudden.

Yes, we only told you
10 minutes ago.

Oh. Whoa. People.

-Hi.
-This is my family.

-This is my girlfriend.
-Ian: Hey, family.

Uh... girlfriend?

Hi, Ian. I'm Drea.

Matilda's very
serious girlfriend.

Hmm.

I won't be involved sexually.

Drea and I are in
a non-sexual partnership.

Ian:
Ah. Cool, very progressive.

Eh, um...

-Hi, I'm Genevieve.
-[chuckling]

Hi, Genevieve.

Yeah, I know, it's okay,
you don't need to talk to me.

Okay.

Nicholas: What's that for?

It's to wipe it down.

Okay.

Nicholas is all the way
from Australia,

Why don't you
tell him about Australia?

Oh, you are?

Yeah.

I knew I heard something
in your accent,

then I just thought, uh--

He's just g*y?

Uh, no.

Cool.

Oh, I see you brought wine.

Do you want me to pour
you and Nicholas a glass?

I don't... I don't know.

Do you like wine?

Eh... No, I'm fine.

[scoffs] You... love... wine.

Um, yeah, I mean,
I have. Like, I did.

I've had wine before.
Like, other times.

But, like, um...

Well, do I pour the wine or not?

And who's this?

Duke, my assistance dog.

Aw. Does he bite?

No. Never.

Ah. Hey, buddy.

You're just a big,
old boy, aren't you?

Can I pet him?

He's uncomfortable right now.

Ah.

You can go do it now.

We have to let him
finish his wine

or it's impolite.

He-he can take it with him.

In the bedroom?
I don't think so.

We agreed you wouldn't
do a lot of talking.

[whispering]:
I want to be a good host.

Drea: Nicholas...

why don't you take Ian
to see your insects?

That way he can finish his wine

and Matilda can stay here.

What?

We have a whole room
full of insects.

Hmm.

When I see my family
through your eyes,

I see The Addams Family.

-And which one are you?
-The hot wife.

Oh, no, come on!

What is that thing?

Stephanie.

She's holding
eye contact with me.

Stephanie is very social.

It's California banana slugs.

Yo, I'm gonna
die in here, aren't I?

Like, how many people
have you fed to that spider

with good social skills?

Nicholas [laughs]:
No.

I'm-I'm-I'm not organized
enough to serial k*ll.

Uh, so, are you...

not cool with your sister
inviting me over?

No.

But I came to that conclusion
before I met you.

It's not personal.

Well, I can leave if you want.

I do want you to.

Yeah, she's 18.

And...

I'm, like, pretty protective.

And I know this is what
she thinks she wants,

realistically, it's probably
gonna make her and/or Drea sad.

But...

I don't agree that
what I want should matter.

Okay.

[soft guitar music playing]

Nicholas: We're back.

[singsongy]:
We can see that.

He finished his wine.

Look, should I stay or...

Please stay, Ian.

I really wanna
have sex with you.

Cool, yeah,
I'm-I'm happy to stay.

Okay. Let me go pee first.

♪ He takes me to the river ♪

Ian:
Where did you get this from?

♪ Like a child... ♪

A friend.

It's a really pretty track.

There's just something
about vinyl,

it's just so romantic.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

-I'm ready.
-Oh, okay. Uh, yeah.

Hey, let me just
wash my hands.

Well, that's nice.
That's a good start.

I love you, Duck Duck.

Forever, Muck Muck.

This feels yuck yuck.

[door closes]

Yeah.

♪

What are you thinking
about right now?

Well, I'm wondering if you're

feeling uncomfortable
about all this.

I feel...

jealous and a little anxious.

Okay.

Does feeling jealous
make you think

you wish that
it wasn't happening?

Well, I don't think
jealousy is a very
useful emotion

and that it's selfish.

So it'll be a better outcome

if I just don't pay
any attention to it.

Right.

Do you think it's strange

that I'm okay with Matilda

being in her bedroom
right now with Ian?

Yeah. Yeah, I do, yes.

But I'm comfortable
with strange, actually.

It's just...
It's more that I worry

that it's gonna make
everyone sad.

Well, the only person
who looks sad is you.

Oscar [on phone]:
We've been on the phone
for 40 minutes now.

That's insane.

Like, 20 years ago

this would have been
so expensive.

Wow. Yeah.
Long drawn-out
phone conversations

with awkward silences used
to be equal to owning a yacht.

Our silences aren't
awkward, are they?

No, no, I mean, I didn't...
I didn't mean that.

Oh okay, Mrs. "I Hate Silence,"

starting on three,
no more silences, all right?

-Ready?
-Uh, I'm sorry.

Who's-who's gonna speak first?

Ask me a question
and I'll answer.

Ready? One, two, three, go.

Uh, what are you thinking about?

Oh, God, I don't know.

Um, let's see,

what do smart people
think about?

Uh, math?

Trains?

Well, now I'm thinking,
"Don't accidentally tell her

"about the time you got caught

making out with a balloon
by your mom."

[chuckles]

What are you thinking about?

Um...

I'm thinking about
how I really wish

I had one of those old phones
with the long, curly cords,

so I could twirl it
around my fingers
like in the old movies,

but also a little bit of my mind

is always thinking
about Michael Jackson.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Oh, no, we left some silence.

Oh, no.

Um, you were supposed
to ask me a follow-up question.

I-I broke the convention.
I'm sorry.

Giraffes!

What?

Giraffes.

[chuckles]

I want to know why you're
an entomologist.

Okay. Yeah, um...

So, um, in Australia
we have these beetles,

they're called Christmas beetles
and they're so cool.

They, like, look like
Christmas decorations.

When I was a kid I was
just so obsessed with them

and I was always catching them

and trying to convince them
to tell me their secrets.

Then, when I was like...

17, I thought
about them again

and I realized I hadn't
seen one for years.

Not one.

Uh, I felt maybe it was because,

you know, I wasn't spending
as much time as a teenager

rolling around in the dirt,

so I went and I-I looked

and, uh, they weren't there.

Where did they go?

Well, we worked out that
they just weren't breeding

because their habitat
was being destroyed.

So what I wanted to know
next was, like,

does that actually matter?

Like, if we lose
the Christmas beetle population,

is that gonna have wider
environmental effects?

And?

And, well, I mean,
I didn't get to finish it

'cause I moved here.

Oh, that's...

that-that's quite sad.

It's okay.

Oscar [over phone]:
Your parents ever
let you out in the wild?

In the wild, like,
outside of my house?

Yeah, like, are you
allowed to go out?

Yeah, I'm allowed to go out.

Cool.

Why were you
asking me that, Oscar?

[inhales and exhales]

Uh... Uh-oh.

Did you die? Are you dead?

I'm here.

Yeah.

Me too, Oscar. I'm still here.

Cool.

Is that the end
of the conversation

about whether or not
I'm allowed to leave my house?

No.

Cool.

♪

[sighs]

Do you understand
what asexuality is?

Well, I didn't,
um, to be honest.

Because, well,
it's never piqued my interest.

But I researched it last night.

What do you think about it?

Well, um, I kept trying
to look for things

that would explain what it is,

and the only thing said
was that the person

doesn't want to have sex.

Yeah. That's-that's what it is.

Yes. It's just
one of those things

that is exactly
what the person says it is,

and that's that,

and there isn't
really anything to add.

What I don't really
get though is, um...

well, like to me,
sex and love is so intertwined,

and, uh, just separating
those two things is...

I don't know,
I don't know, it's hard.

Oh, well, um,

for some asexuals, for-for me...

Mm-hmm.

...the same romantic feelings

are still there.

Like, when I meet someone

I get this excited feeling
in my chest

and I can't stop
thinking about them

and it just... I wanna
spend all my time with them,

but... sex just isn't involved.

-Mm-hmm.
-Drea: Like, I just...

I just wanna be near them
and hear them talking.

Hmm.

Maybe if I liked hearing
people talk more, I'd get it.

Oscar [over phone]:
Maybe I'll take you somewhere
and show you some stuff.

I like somewhere, I like stuff.

Well, I know good somewheres

and I know good stuffs.

Well I'll be the judge of that.

Oh.
Now I'm scared to take you.

No, no, no.
I-I was just kidding.

So was I. No, so was I.

Um, so are we
really gonna do this?

Are we really gonna
go out, on, like a...

On a date.

Well, well,
isn't that something?

Well, I guess I'm just
a little bit worried that maybe,

maybe you're letting
Matilda have sex with men

even though it hurts you

just so that
she keeps liking you.

Yes, that is correct.

Okay.

Well, Matilda wants
to have sex with men

and that makes her happy,

and I wanna make her happy.

So if I make her happy,
she will love me.

I... I don't know about that.

Maybe Matilda being with me
won't make her happy forever

and she'll break up with me
and I'll be sad,

but the alternative
is to break up now,

and I'll be sad anyway.

We think it's good
to try and be happy.

Nicholas, did you just
have an argument

that led to Drea teaching you

it's "good to try to be happy"?

No, we had a... we had a chat.

We were bonding.
Weren't we bonding, Drea?

Tell her.

I just feel tired.

Do you still like me?

Same as before.

So, uh...

Imma bounce.

It was nice to meet you all.

Bye.

And, uh, if you ever

wanna install some solar panels,

give me a call.

Oh.

Almost forgot my wine.

Drea... Drea, he took the wine.

He took the wine.

Why can't he take it?
It's his wine.

♪

♪

Okay, let's do our ritual.

Ian, we are asking you to leave.

Out with you, Ian. Out!

Get out, Ian!

Out with you, Ian. Out!

Out!

Leave this place!

Bloody rack off, Ian!

Scram, Ian! Scram!

Both: Rack off!

[triumphant fanfare playing]

♪