01x09 - Zôkananoni ne Kusare

[bunniefuu]

I went and became an adult

We're two sides of the same coin,

with you still a kid

I went and blurted out the words

I'll never be able to take them back

There's nothing righteous

about unrequited feelings,

so let things stay as is

In the gaps between the seasons

that whiz by,

I was crying,

and I bet I always will

You don't believe, do you?

In despair? Being moved?

Unable to take it anymore, the night

that had turned white now turns black

Nothing's going to change

ever again? I just don't know!

I've been clinging to this moment

no matter what,

and I pray that today

my wish will come true

DON'T STOP

I won't forget the adultish heart

I stole from you ever again

Because neither the me that grew up

nor you will ever change

It's okay

Because I still haven't forgotten

the adultish heart I stole

Because even though I've changed,

I'm still me

Regrets, hopes and prayers,

Children, me,

I don't understand any of it

You can believe in wishes coming true,

but who I am will never end

CHIEF DIRECTOR'S OFFICE

EPISODE 9:

A FAKE FLOWER, YET ITS ROOTS RO

That reminds me.

I've always wondered about something.

Does Santa Claus only wear red clothes?

Well, that's actually a good question.

I heard about something called

"Black Santa" from my mother once

but personally speaking,

when I think Santa, I think red.

I see, I see.

Red is said to be

the color of passion and justice.

I hate the color red, though.

It's so in-your-face and vulgar.

Oh, you do?

Here in the Chief Director's office, all

I do is massage her shoulders as we chat.

When is she finally gonna start

teaching me how to fight?

Come on now, harder!

I-Is this better?

Harder!

Like this?

Harder!

Harder!

Harder, harder, harder, harder, harder,

hit me harder, dagnabbit!

C-Come on, I can't hit you

any harder than this!

Chief Director Tetsudome,

what is it that you're testing me for?

If you hold back against women and

children, you're in for a world of hurt,

so watch yourself.

Class 10's Fumi Namatame

is looking to k*ll you.

So, why don't we get you ready for her,

Santa Claus?

The fact that you let pain get to you

is all the proof I need

that you don't have it in you to fight.

That student in Class 10?

I have a pretty good idea

of what Oshibu is planning.

If you hesitate for even a second

because she's a child,

she'll k*ll you

before you know what hit you.

k*ll her before she can k*ll you.

Okay?

What kind of Chief Director are you?

Ow!

Face that kid

with that kind of fire in your belly!

That fire is what you need.

Until you're able to land one blow on

this old lady without pulling the punch,

you're not leaving this room.

I-I can't do that!

You treat the elderly

like they're old and frail

and children

like they're helpless infants.

My point is that as long as you keep

obsessing over people's age

you'll never be able to face them

with everything you've got.

Come at me, Santa.

If you won't come to me

then I'll come to you!

What the hell?

Was that a vision of when she was young?

I-I want to become a strong Santa!

I don't see how

my landing a punch on you

is going to get me any closer to that!

You're saying you want to become

a fine, upstanding adult

without ever hurting anyone

or ever getting your hands dirty?

You young idjit!

Did she anticipate

exactly how this would play out?

I have barely any sensation

in the finger that she broke.

And because I can't feel

her wrinkly cheek as I hit it,

that lets me pretend that my pain

and my opponent's pain don't exist

so I can compartmentalize like an adult

and do what needs to be done!

Like an adult!

Now that's a good color on you.

Take a look.

You're Black Santa!

Don't you fret. I didn't have

any teeth to begin with.

No harm, no foul.

Ch-Chief Director, I'm so sorry! I

Why are you apologizing?

I told you to punch me.

I suppose we can call this

your first step toward adulthood.

Well done!

That pierced my heart worse than

any insult she could throw at me.

The strong adult I'm trying to become

The strong Santa

PEAK OF YOUTH CEREMONY

The only way to do it is to become

dark enough to hit a little old lady?

I feel like I've opened a door

that's best left closed.

What'll happen if I interact with kids

while I'm Black Santa?

The next time I transform,

I hope it's back into the red one.

E-Excuse me!

I think we've met!

I knew it!

Hello, I'm Namatame!

Do you remember me?

Um

I don't have many friends,

so I recognized you right away!

Hello!

It's been a while!

Yes, it sure has!

Have you been avoiding me?

Of course not!

There it is, that intensity!

No matter how hard I train,

I'll always be too scared

to go face to face with this girl!

Don't let her psych you out, Sanda!

By the way,

Namatame, do you always walk around

carrying dead potted plants?

It's kinda embarrassing.

Having them near me like this

gives me a sense of security.

I like them.

As I go on walks

around the school grounds,

I'm always on the lookout

for half-dead plants.

I didn't have much luck today, though.

Half-dead plants?

Why do you like them?

I'm in Class 10,

where they put the adult-K*llers.

They say we've all got

a screw loose somewhere.

The next thing I knew,

I was walking behind this girl

as she walked from one shaded, damp

and deserted spot to another.

Class 10's Fumi Namatame

is looking to k*ll you.

If I'm gonna do it it's now or never!

I feel like there's no going back

to the old me,

like the way a single drop of black

spreads out and stains all the water.

Black Santa won't hold back,

not even against a child.

This is someone who's k*lled an adult!

Naughty children have to be punished.

This is the perfect time and place

to transform and

Look! I found a pile of fallen leaves!

I hit the jackpot today!

Come on, touch them!

Huh? Me?

Close your eyes

and really feel the leaves.

I never really gave much thought

to why I like dead plants so much.

The way they feel

when they've lost all their moisture

when I touch

their skinny veins and stems

Maybe they remind me of my mother's hand.

Rejuvenating hands is a high hurdle

to overcome, even in this day and age.

Plastic surgery had given my mother

the face of someone in her 20s,

but just her hands

were those of someone in her 40s.

Even from the time

I was in elementary school

every time I came home to visit,

my mother's face had changed.

It's a basic thing

that everyone does, Fumi.

You get a cavity, you see the dentist.

You get a wrinkle,

you see the plastic surgeon.

Beauty and youth

in this day and age, are your most

important assets. You understand, right?

I got my eyes from my mother. I think.

Sure!

To make sure my mother would never forget

the smile she used to have

since I looked just like her,

I should keep smiling.

I got better and better at faking a smile.

My father and brother had walked out

because they were afraid of this person.

The only things that bound us together

as a family in this house

were my smile and my mother's hands.

Youth is the nation's greatest resource!

-I'm gonna go take my bath.

-Become younger and more powerful with

-Wait here, okay?

-Itagaki Pharmaceutical's latest

-Sure thing.

-"Young & Powerful!"

Mom was taking more and more pills.

So many that I thought

she couldn't go on like this.

YOUNG & POWERFUL

SUPER RICH PLACENTA

That I had to make her stop somehow.

Mom, listen.

Are you sure

you haven't been feeling sick lately?

Are you okay?

What's the matter?

Why would you ask such a silly thing?

I-It's because

I love you so much!

I'm worried!

You're such a sweet girl.

Can you blame me?

I mean, look at how light

your body's gotten.

Mom?

I'm sorry, Fumi.

I didn't mean to startle you.

But you see, Fumi

by doing this

my whole body

will finally be young again!

I couldn't bear these hands anymore.

A young and vivacious 10-year-old like you

would never understand

how it feels, you know.

With my mother's hands

and my smile gone

it seemed like

there wasn't any point

to that house anymore.

Strangely enough

a hint of her old happy self had come back

to her face when she was dead.

That's why I don't regret what I did.

If getting older in this country

brings people so much pain

then it's better to end

their suffering quickly.

Once I started thinking

about adults in that way

before I knew it,

I was in Class 10. But

I wish I could touch

my mother's hands one more time.

Her

big, dry hands.

Her hand has been moving

this whole time

like she's searching for something.

She really is trying

to remember her mother.

Namatame

Thank you for telling me.

I went and did it again!

My body acted before my head could think!

I transformed into Santa in front

of a girl who's trying to k*ll him!

And doing it like this

just makes it worse!

Let's meet up in the food court later!

Okay! See you later!

She kept holding my hand

until I snatched it away.

What's she up to?

Is she pretending she didn't notice?

Now that I think about it,

I never got your name.

Sa

If I tell her it's "Sanda,"

it'll be totally obvious!

Sanda.

Sanda

Let's meet up

at the Peak of Youth Ceremony, okay?

I can hardly wait.

To k*ll you.

That was totally a declaration of w*r.

You want to k*ll me, don't you, Namatame?

You keep k*lling adults

because you want to forget your past

with your mother, don't you?

I promised myself that I'd honor every

child's wish with everything I've got!

I won't fight a child.

I don't want to become

Black Santa Claus anymore!

In which case

I'll just have to endure

being butchered by a child!

So, that's the deal!

sh**t me

Amaya!

sh**t me!

C'mon, sh**t! Cut loose! Let 'er rip!

This is for training!

Mr. Yagiuda even came

to coach you through it!

Look, I'm still technically your enemy,

you know.

Wait a minute!

Let's step back and take a breath!

I know I act c*ck

but I'm as scared

as the kid I actually am.

Maybe we should let Fuyumura handle this.

She's got nerves of steel.

Hey, Santa is unkillable, right?

Yeah, I think. The problem

is that I feel pain like everybody else.

Now Careful,

dropping that would be bad.

-Pull the slide back and chamber a round.

-Wait, what?

Grip it with your left hand

wrapped around your right,

hold your arms straight out

take careful aim with both eyes open.

Wai Hang on, no way, I don't wanna!

RESERVED

CAUTION: LOUD SOUNDS

It's not enough!

I need to feel the murderous intent!

sh**t me like you mean it, Amaya!

I don't wanna!

Trust me, there's nothing to worry about.

I've shot this guy tons of times,

and he's still breathing.

That's not the problem!

If the recoil is too much for you,

bend your arms at the elbow a little.

I brought lots of b*ll*ts.

But

I don't like moonlighting if I ain't

getting paid for it, so start sh**ting!

sh**t me in the head this time, Amaya!

Take good aim!

sh**t, Amaya!

I can't handle this!

I need your help, Amaya!

I can't let myself be k*lled by Namatame!

If you can't be k*lled,

what're you worried about?

There's no telling what will happen!

Namatame's a child!

So am I, dammit!

Exactly! You're a child,

and you're my best friend!

I have to become a Santa Claus

that's so tough

that he can't be k*lled

even by a child like that!

I have to beat Oshibu and get them back!

Ordinary days that Fuyumura

can spend together with Ono!

I always knew it.

Adults are the absolute worst!

Good! I'm counting on you!

At least say "sorry" or "thank you" first!

Put yourself in my shoes,

being forced to help your friend train

by sh**ting him!

That hurt!

That stings! I really felt that one!

I seriously thought I was a goner

for a second there!

Just like that! Amaya, do it again!

Huh?

Cut it out, dammit!

You're still saying that?

PEAK OF YOUTH CEREMONY

That's all the b*ll*ts.

Children can mature overnight

and become strong.

It's finally over.

Kids are made of seriously stern stuff.

Fumi Namatame

I won't fight you,

but I refuse to be k*lled by you!

Amaya

Thank you.

TRAUMA-FREE CURRICULUM

Thanks for the food!

You brats are seriously fast learners!

The ramen's on me, eat up!

I'm a g*nman at age 14!

I feel like I've been thrown into a w*r!

Huh? Don't be such a drama queen.

Can you blame me?

You made me be your triggerman and

pump my unkillable friend full of lead!

I'm this close to a mental breakdown!

How long is this training gonna go on?

And what about you, Sanda?

What about all the holes I put in you?

How are they?

Most injuries I get while I'm Santa heal

when I turn back into a kid.

The really bad ones leave a mark, though.

So, what you're saying

is that your injuries heal, no problem,

but my mental scars

are probably there for good, huh?

Um, I guess it is.

I mean it, I'm sorry, Amaya.

Brutal training like this isn't right.

From where I'm standing,

you don't want to become a strong Santa,

you just want to become a strong man.

You've got it all wrong, Amaya!

I'm just trying to figure this stuff out!

What I can do to become a great Santa!

Those two are tricking me

into feeding them, aren't they?

Sorry. I'm really bad at this.

That's fine.

You always hated

painted nails, didn't you?

You said it was

like your fingertips were cursed.

Yeah, pretty much.

But tomorrow's the Peak of Youth Ceremony.

I guess I can put up with it for that.

Thank you for doing this for me.

It means a lot to me.

Um, what time should I come here tomorrow?

Why don't we meet up outside tomorrow?

Uh, sure.

That's okay.

Then let's meet at the front gate at 4.

Got it.

Why?

Why do you stare at me like that

whenever there's a long silence, Ono?

You should have laughed there.

Like, "You're so awful at this."

I'll never laugh at you.

When you do something, you throw yourself

into it. I can't tease you, not anymore.

Why not? Because you're grown up?

It's not just that.

It's because I like you, Fuyumura.

I like you, too.

So much so that I was searching for you

like a madwoman after you went missing.

I was going to tell you this

on the day of the Peak of Youth Ceremony,

but you and I are using "like"

to mean two entirely different things.

I think.

Different? Different how?

Let's figure that out once and for all.

Fuyumura

When you see me naked,

how does it make you feel?

If I saw you naked,

I bet my heart would pound.

I would be so happy,

and my brain would go totally blank.

But

it's not like that for you, is it?

No way! You wouldn't feel that way!

I know for sure you wouldn't feel a thing

seeing me naked!

That's not true!

Take off your clothes and let's find out.

What?

Fine, then!

I was scared

of there being an awkward silence,

so I blurted out an answer.

We've gotten naked

in front of each other

lots of times.

I sort of feel

like I'm doing something wrong.

Like I forced a child to get undressed

in front of an adult. I'm sorry.

It's not like that.

But the fact is

even though we're both 14,

you've already gone through puberty

while I'm just a kid who's really tall.

I feel like you're leaving me in the dust.

You're beautiful, Fuyumura.

Be honest and tell me how you really feel.

Is it like I thought

and Sanda is who you like now?

Wh-What's all this about?

All this "love" and "hate" stuff

When you grow up,

is stuff like that all you care about?

While I was gone, you made

lots of friends, right?

That's a wonderful thing.

So, I'm not about to resent you over that.

That's what we are! We're friends!

All this talk about adults and children

and men and women I'm sick of it!

I'm sick of this!

Fuyumura?

Come on, Amaya,

please don't be mad at me!

Leave me alone!

I don't want to talk to you for a while!

-Huh? What?

-Huh?

What're you doing, Fuyumu

You're buck naked?

I'm such a pathetic baby

that I ran off naked, Sanda.

Bring Ono back.

Please.

The first wish

that anyone made to me as Santa.

Where did Ono go?

Will she ever come back?

Can adults ever turn back into children?

If you're Santa, get her back!

You promised me!

Fuyumura

The ability to make a tormented expression

look fabulous

is something of a perk for us.

Might I ask what troubles you

one adult to another?

When I'm feeling antsy,

full of muddled emotions,

I sometimes just stand there,

or sometimes I shout

at the top of my lungs

When I'm feeling indecisive,

full of emotions that ebb and flow,

the diary I grumble and complain to

is tucked away in a closed drawer

How's it gonna turn out?

Not knowing, I just cry

I bet that's how it is, right?

Out of desperation, a lie

Really, how's it gonna turn out?

I wish I could stay in my dreams

I wish I could stay,

could stay, could stay

When I'm feeling antsy,

full of muddled emotions,

I sometimes just stand there,

or sometimes I shout

at the top of my lungs

It's ironic that it's only once

you've grown up

that you realize

you can't stay a kid forever

There are even times

that I get depressed

thinking about these days

I find myself in,

but once they've passed me by,

will I look back and miss them?

How's it gonna turn out every day

I'm shouting every day