01x01 - Just Fok’n Missing Her

[bunniefuu]

Man on radio:

That was "Feelin' Flat"

by Jimmy Flat-a*s and

the Bannock Butts,

and you're listening

to Roger Laughingstick

on Grouse Lake Radio Ah.

Nice day out there, so get

yourself down to the school gym.

They got that anti-bullying

workshop going on,

and that can only

mean one thing:

free sandwiches!

Maybe Big City Paul

will be there.

Word is, he just

got home from Winnipeg.

Will he be at the gym

for some free sandwiches?

Or does he only eat

wontons now?

Is it true, bro?

You only eat wontons?

As if you even know

what a wonton is.

Also, that's my momma's

door. That's my door.

Okay, then.

Okay. Good. Let's go.

Oh. I don't have my keys.

You just drove here.

Yeah, eh? I should have my keys.

h*-ly. This guy.

How do you lose

your keys, you c*ck nose?

Nice to see you, too, Fat Face.

Take it easy. I lost six

pounds when I was in the city.

You lost six pounds?

From where, man?

From your c*ck nose!

Don't even worry about it!

So, how was the city?

Ugh. Just leave me alone!

Let's just go to the North Store

and get some pizza.

No, man. There's

a bullying seminar,

and they got

free sandwiches.

Nah. Everyone's gonna make a big

deal about how I'm back home.

Too bad, man. I got to

meet with Lips.

He's next in line to

get movies off my USB.

He thought he's seen

every Sharknado,

but he skipped

over Lavalantula.

- Just give it to him later.

- No, bro.

When you're

the movie man,

you got

responsibilities.

- Whoa.

- Paul: Oh, my God.

(chuckling) My keys

were in my boot, bro.

Oh, my God. Okay. Let's go

to the North Store.

Hey, we're going to

the school first, bro.

Why you being so sketchy?

Everyone's going to be

- happy you're back.

- Not everybody.

Yes I can

love you baby

All night long

Woman: When do you think

your brother is getting here?

Not now, Mom, okay?

You haven't seen him

in forever.

- And it's been good.

- Ma'tay!

Jo:

Come on, Mom.

He's a spoiled baby.

But he is a baby! He's

my baby! (clapping)

Drop it, Beanpole.

You want to lose

your beading hand?

Attention, everybody!

The sandwiches will

be served

after the

anti-bullying workshop!

- (people booing)

- Too bad!

I let you eat sandwiches before

the last workshop,

and everyone took off

early, so shut it!

Just talked

to the white lady,

and she wants to

start the workshop.

Oh, she wants to

start now?

You let her know she's on

Indian time. (clapping)

Okay, and one

more thing.

This better not be

about Paul.

Do you think he knows

I'm with Stephen Harper?

Everyone knows. You post

about Stephen Harper all day.

Hey, Stephen Harper!

Hey, Jo. Uh, sorry

to interrupt.

Rose, if Paul's going

to be here, I can leave.

No. I want him

to see us together.

I just hate it

when you two fight.

I know. You say

that all the time.

Well, he's on my

mind all the time.

Jo: What the hell

is wrong with your mind?

- Dean: There's Brady.

- Paul: The f*ck's a Brady?

Dean: He's the new

North Store manager.

He made all

the sandwiches.

Don't worry. He's

cool for a white guy.

Yeah, because that's what

the rez needs,

is, uh,

more white guys.

Yeah, but you're

half white.

I don't

feel half white.

Anyway, the only f*cked-up

thing about Brady is,

he's trying to

snag your sister.

She'll eat him alive.

She's a wendigo.

(chuckling)

Let's go.

Oh, Dean, just dropped

off the good sandwiches.

Cool, man.

Paul? I've heard

so much about you.

- Paul: Nice vest.

- Man: Movie Man.

- Yo.

- You got my Lavalantula?

Yeah, man.

- Yo, Big City.

- Relax. I'm just here

- for the free sandwiches.

- This guy posted a pic

of him in a swimming pool.

Is that true or what?

Yeah, man. I was

in some pools.

No way, bro. Just

like a movie.

Ah, easy, guys. We're just

here for the sandwiches.

Dean. Dean, it's

okay. It's cool, man.

Winnipeg? Full

of pools.

I was in, like,

17 of them.

Couple of them even

had waterslides.

Waterslides?

This neechie

was living like a king.

A king who swims

with a t-shirt on.

(Brady chuckling)

- (feedback screeching)

- Man, woman: Ah!

I just seen the bulletin in the

band office about the wolves.

- Oh, really, Ed?

- Yeah.

They're coming closer

and closer to town.

They must be hungry. Good thing

I'm from the wolf clan, eh?

The sandwiches are

for later!

Get out of here!

Has anyone seen

my daughter?

So, no one's

seen Chickadee?

Wow. Sterling hanging with

the Doodoo boys.

Surprised you two aren't at home

sucking on your momma's teat.

Oh, ain't you

glad your uncle's back?

Mn'ehh. You just

want everyone

to make a big

deal about you.

Mn'ehh yourself!

I'm just here for lunch.

Oh, you just want

to sneak in,

grab lunch, and

not talk to anyone?

Why didn't you

just say so?

Look who's here!

It's the pool king.

Hey, everybody!

I'm back!

(people murmuring quietly)

Hi, Mom!

Is it Indian

time to start?

Yo-h*! You can't

just say that!

(people murmuring)

Oh, dear.

I-- I'm so sorry.

h*-ly! White

lady just struggling.

I really am.

Let's just

get started.

Welcome, everyone,

to the anti-bullying

workshop!

(coughing)

Chief Deedee was

supposed to do this,

but she got the

day off.

- Again.

- She's in a jam session.

Okay.

Anyways, we have a

workshop leader

from Bully Beware

to lead us

in a seminar!

Karen:

Miigwetch, Josephine.

Um, before we start, I

would like to begin

with a land

acknowledgment.

We are gathered here together

on Treaty Five territory,

- which is the--

- Dean: f*ck this.

Let's just

eat already.

Sit down, Dean!

Oh. Uh, sorry.

Small thing.

Will those teens

be playing basketball

the entire

time, or?

Hey, you kids!

Quit bouncing them basketballs,

or I'll come pop them!

Karen:

Thank you. Thanks.

Alright. Um, so, when we

think of bullying,

we think of

physical violence,

but there's

also verbal bullying,

like, um, teasing and

name-calling.

Mn'ehh! So you're saying

if I call this guy c*ck Nose,

- that that's bullying?

- Uh, that is

a very good

question. Yes.

That's, um, what's

called teasing,

and it's known

as lateral violence.

- Mn'ehh!

- Lateral violence.

I got a question

for Paul. Why you back?

Lips: Actually, yeah.

Now that you mention it,

- it seems suspicious.

- I already told you why, Lips.

Nicknames are also a

form of bullying.

But everybody

calls him Lips.

Yes, but why do

you call him Lips?

Because when we were young,

he showed up to school

with a big old macaroni

right on his lips!

- (people laughing)

- Lips, tell her

about your lip.

Rose:

I got a question.

Why did you leave

without saying goodbye?

Many people:

Oh.

Jo:

Oh, my God!

You guys, shut up!

You sound like a bunch of

squeaking weasels!

Just settle down and let

Karen do her damn workshop.

Karen:

Uh, my name is actually Karen,

but the way you said it

just now made me feel

like you were

bullying.

Yeah. You're

the bully, Jo.

Who said that?

That you, Beanpole?

Would a bully order

free sandwiches for everyone?

Does that sound

like a bully move?

Yeah, but you won't

let us eat them.

You know what?

To hell with it.

Go eat the damn

sandwiches, then!

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, hey! Elders first.

Actually, if you could, uh,

sign the anti-bullying pledge--

- Dean, grab me a sandwich, bro.

- Dean: Yeah, man.

- Just one.

- Yeah, I'll get it.

- Is this over?

- Don't feel bad.

You kept them longer than

the hypnotist.

And we were

all hypnotized.

I'm not a

bully, right?

No. I wouldn't change

anything about you.

- You're just assertive.

- I like that.

I'm assertive.

I've always

said that about you.

And people

like assertive.

Not as much as they like--

(in whiny voice) --Paul.

Ah, that's the thing about

siblings sometimes, you know?

- (engine starting)

- I actually have

- an older sister, so--

- I'm assertive.

Brady: --I know a thing

or two about this.

Assertive. I like

that. I'm assertive.

I'll tell you another time!

It's not super important!

Roger: (on radio) You're

listening to Laughingstick

in the Afternoon, and

we're still trying to figure out

who took that tray

of sandwiches from the gym.

Sandwiches don't

just vanish on their own,

so call in

and tell me:

Who was

the vanish-er?

The heck you doing here

again, Blue?

How much can

I get for this?

You just had one.

No. I never'd.

(laughing)

Another blue one

for Blue.

Tell your little school friends

that I have the good

North Store sandwiches.

Agnes got

sandwiches!

(dramatic

music playing)

It's time for me to

leave this place.

But will I

ever see you again?

You will find me where the

moon and the sun cross paths,

in the shadows of

the great bear.

That feels like

a no.

Jo:

Rose? Rose.

I'm a nice lady, eh?

Sorry. I was just

watching Restless Wind.

This is the episode

where Tatanka

leaves his

settler girlfriend

to travel around with his loyal

horse companion, Comanche.

I'm not a bully.

I'm just assertive.

You're nice to me.

And you work hard, and

you get things done.

That said, I think a lot of

people are scared of you.

Exactly. I'm

assertive,

and people like it.

Lips! Get over here!

Do I scare you?

What do you

want me to say?

Ugh! Beat it, Lips!

What up, big sis?

Do you have

to be everywhere?

- What do you want?

- Just need to relax.

Everyone's been bugging me

about awesome the city's been.

Must be nice. I'm

sure you heard.

- I'm with Stephen Harper now.

- Paul: Of course I heard.

You posted it on the

"Rose and Paul 4eva" page.

Whatever. You left

without saying goodbye.

Okay. I just came by

to say hi to Lips,

- but I'll call him later!

- You were asking about me?

Shut up, Lips!

I'm sorry, my dear.

I must be alone.

The only one who can join

me on this life journey

is my loyal horse

companion, Comanche.

(neighing)

I love you, too.

(mouthing along to dialogue)

And only you.

Brady: Hey, how many movie mans

are there typically on a rez?

Just one.

- Ham me.

- Okay.

Well, because I met this

kid named Little Tony,

and he said that

he's the movie man?

- Mn'ehh.

- What is that?

I've seen

that before.

Mah-nah.

No, man.

Like this: Mn'ehh.

Uh-mah.

It takes time.

Okay.

So, say you see a beautiful

girl walking by, eh?

And you go to

your friend, "Mn'ehhh."

But then you find out

she's just your cousin.

Mn'ehh.

I think I got it.

(smacking lips,

grunting) Eh.

- (Dean hissing)

- (door opening)

What the f*ck's this

guy doing in our lodge?

It smells like

ham and a*s!

Well, this is my lodge now,

because you left,

and his name is Brady.

And yeah, he needs to be here.

- He brought us a big a*s ham.

- Want some?

Mm. I've

seen bigger.

What you mean?

That's a big a*s ham!

Man, you been acting good ever

since you came back.

Talking pools and girls

and sh1tting on big hams.

Just bullshitting!

City's just

different, bro.

Oh, yeah? If life

was so good in the city,

- then why'd you come back, bro?

- How many times

do I have to tell you?

f*ck!

Maybe just

one time, for real!

Whatever! Hang with

your new buddy!

Open up your

eyes, man!

He's just using

you for your hams.

Jo: Hey, you guys! I

saw you playing basketball.

You must be

real thirsty.

- Us?

- Jo: I got you these.

- See? Would a bully do that?

- I don't know.

The answer's no!

And you don't even have

to think about it,

because I just bought

you those drinks.

My mom said you were just mean

to her when you were kids.

Jo:

You Beanpole's kid?

You tell that skinny little

rat I'm just being assertive.

What you doing talking

to the skinny bunch for?

Who cares what

they think?

What? Am I

wearing something of yours?

I know you're mad because

everyone is excited about Uncle

and scared of you,

but Uncle sucks, okay?

All those pics he

was posting are phonies.

- The guy's an internet h*.

- What?

Yeah, and you know how Uncle was

staying with cousin Leon

in the city? Leon

sent me this.

Man on video: f*ck you always

looking out the window

- and sh*t, man?

- Paul: Get out of here,

- Cousin Leon!

- Man: Just f*cking

- missing Rose.

- Leave me alone!

Man: Shake that off,

just missing her.

Paul:

I'm not missing her!

Man: (mocking)

I f*cking miss her!

Paul:

I want to go back to the rez.

Man:

I miss her! I f*cking miss her!

That make

you feel better?

sh*t, yeah.

Send that to me.

(grunting)

Everything

okay, baby boy?

Mom, if you're going

to use the wrong door,

could you at least

knock first?

Oh, that's right.

You have your own door

and your own place.

(knocking)

Paul:

Just come in already!

- Dean's here.

- That's the wrong door.

What? You want

me to go around?

- Yeah.

- You boys look hungry.

I'll get some

sandwiches.

(Dean groaning)

- What do you want?

- Dean: The truth, bro!

It's me, Dean!

- I've known you my whole life.

- Just leave me alone.

Not until you tell me why

you left the city.

You may be

just my cuz,

but you're still

my bro bro.

- Jo is here.

- Mom, that's the wrong door!

We all heard your

city stories,

but they ain't true!

Everyone thinks I'm sh*t

but you're the sh*t,

but it's all

bullshit!

Rose is here.

Rose:

"Just f*cking missing her"?

Why can't you ever

tell me how you feel?

Jo: Just cut the sh*t and

tell us what happened!

Yeah! No more lies!

Stop acting good!

Okay. I

got egg salad,

canned ham,

and baloney.

Dean: Oh, hey! I'll trade my

egg salad for your ham.

- Rose: No way!

- Okay! You guys are k*lling it!

If I tell you what happened,

can you guys just go away?

(sighing) I didn't even

work at the hotel.

Cousin Leon was supposed

to get me a job.

He told me he

was a big deal,

but all he did

was clean rooms,

and he got fired for

sleeping on all the beds!

Jo: You believed Cousin

Leon? That guy went to jail

for selling three

people the same car!

The past six months,

I slept

on his futon.

I even had to babysit

his girlfriend's mangy kids!

Those are bad kids.

And the only pool I

went to, his kids came,

and one of them even bit me

on the back of my leg!

There was

no partying.

There was

no waterslides.

There wasn't

even any hams.

Are you

serious, bro?

Not one.

I've made a lot

of mistakes,

but the biggest

was lying to you guys.

I just wanted a

bigger life,

but I belong here!

I love you guys!

Old bullshitting Paul,

he's dead!

Which is good, because we can go

back to the way things were

before I started lying

to everybody! Right?

Mn'ehh!

Rose, Agnes, Jo:

Mn'ehh!

Nailed it, Brady.

Sorry. I got tired of

waiting in Dean's truck.

Are those North

Store sandwiches?

You know what?

I'm glad you're back.

- Thanks, sis.

- Yeah.

I forgot how fun it

is to watch you f*ck up.

(laughing)

Have a sandwich?

This is Laughingstick

in the evening,

and I hope you're settling

in for a long night of--

Holy mother

of sh*t!

A black bear just

walked by my window.

Whoa. Never mind.

False alarm.

It's just a dog.

My eyes must

be going.

You know what?

If you ever thought

you saw a bear

but it was

actually a dog,

give us a call

and tell us about it.

Lines are open.

(phone ringing)

Go ahead. You're

on the air.

Lips:

Oh, hey, Roger.

I thought I was

raising a dog once.

Turns out I was

raising a bear cub.

It tried to

rip my arm off.

Does that count?

Roger:

Hmm.

("Close As She Wants Me"

by Pima Express plays)

Yes I can love you baby

All night long

I could give you everything

That you want

Just look into my eyes

And you can see my love

Yes I can love you baby

All night long