02x08 - Dabs of Thunder

[bunniefuu]

♪

It's bingo time!

♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

You look good, Rita.

You too.

You look like you're gonna win.

Eh-eh, gaawiin.

I will say a bingo

prayer for you, though.

And I will thank you,

when I win.

Okay, the early bird

is starting soon.

Hope you find your lucky table.

I got three grandkids;

I don't need a lucky table.

Hey, jar'd!

This lucky table is ours!

- I'll remember that.

- (Paul chuckling)

You're going down,

you kii-a-skwe

mindimooyenh!

(chuckling)

I'm not regular kii-a-skwe!

I'm prison kii-a-skwe.

h*'leh, settle down,

Stony Mountain. (chuckling)

(Agnes chuckling)

Here we are,

together, outside work.

Just relax, bro.

Just chillin'.

Oh yeah, yeah,

we're just chillin'.

Although chillin'

is a gateway to hangin'.

And you know what

can happen after a hang?

Pregnancy?

No, Dean.

Friendship.

Sorry, man, you're

just really hard to take

with your

town clothes, man.

Like, who tucks

in their t-shirt?

Uh, this guy.

Yeah, I tuck everything in -

my t-shirt,

my sheets, my socks.

Makes me feel secure,

locked in.

You're really letting loose

there, eh, Day Off Greg?

Dean, is it just me or is there

something going on over there?

Dean: Pretty intuitive,

young bingo Padawan.

They're just up in their

bingo mojo.

Greg: By aiming those charm

doohickies at each other?

Dean: So, those charms are

sending bad luck to Rita,

and Rita's charms are

blocking that bad luck.

Oh, what-- what is that?

Little warrior.

Dean: Hmm

Yes, that's the mother

of all charms.

That's Coco the Coconut.

Agnes wins big

with it every year.

So, bingo is just

simple luck.

There's nothing

simple about it, bro.

- (traditional flute playing)

- By its very nature,

it's an act of resilience.

- In our ancestors' time

- (traditional flute playing)

our customs

and practices were outlawed,

by sickly, bitchy-a*s

white men, like yourself.

(traditional flute playing)

Tried to control

what us long-haired,

beautiful warriors

did on the Rez.

- (traditional flute playing)

- Sickly? I

But we bingo'd on,

and that's what

makes it tradition

and cool as f*ck.

(traditional flute playing)

Hey, man.

Thanks for the flute.

That really

helped the story.

This is for

the people, man.

(traditional flute playing)

(crowd applauding)

Attention, all players.

Tonight's final prize

is $4,000.

(crowd applauding)

This year, we are going

to have a good, clean,

fair, no-bullshit

monster bingo.

Lips is head of security, so

there'll be no funny business.

And I'm talking about you,

Hilda, and your black dabber.

We can't see the numbers,

we can't verify your bingo.

Bullshit!

Let's go already!

We have some money

to give away.

And just like Paul, when he

found out Rose was pregnant,

he's got to go!

- Oh, yeah!

- (crowd laughing)

Here we go!

(squealing)

What's taking so long?

Don't blame me.

This bingo machine is faulty.

I wanted the WinMax 5000,

but I never got the money,

thanks to 'Cheap and Council'.

- (crowd booing, shouting)

- Paul: 'Sup, Jo?

What da heck!

I just got here!

Under the I, 22.

Two ducks in the water!

Hey, Mom. Big baby.

Let me grab

a seat here real quick.

Uh, sorry, Jo,

you can't sit with us.

Why the hell not?

You know that being late

for bingo is bad luck, and

you got bad breath.

I'm sorry, Jo, but I do

feel something's off.

Where am I supposed to go?

I'm the Chief;

I can't sit alone.

Roger:

Under the G, 58.

Geez, wouldn't it be great

if Jo found a seat?

G-58.

I'm sorry,

but this is Monster Bingo,

there's no messing around.

(sighing)

Okay, f*ck.

Roger:

Under the B, 6.

Hey, but still too close.

Paul:

Bye.

Saved you a seat, Chief.

Uh

Hey, everybody!

Jo's at the loser table,

and that's your Chief?!

(crowd laughing)

Don't listen to him.

He calls me a mooch.

Can you believe that?

Hey, can I borrow

a dabber?

Roger:

Under the B, 8.

Give me the usual:

one blue freezie.

Sorry, Blue.

You don't have enough.

Aw, man.

Hey, you want

freezie money for life?

- Yeah.

- Then, you gotta earn it.

And sometimes,

it ain't pretty.

Watch and learn,

freezie face.

Roger: N-41.

N-41. Time for fun.

One free coffee.

It's two bucks now.

Inflation, bro.

Where's a guy gonna get two

bucks from in this economy?

Hey, got two bucks?

What can I get for this?

Chickadee:

Fill her up, bro.

Cheap a*s.

That's how

it's done, Blue.

Roger:

N-44 calls out the door.

- N-44.

- Oh!

Roger:

O-75--

I mean, O-71.

She won't stop

looking at me.

She's trying to

get into my head.

Roger: O-69.

That's O for Oklahoma and 69 for

don't even make the joke, Ed.

What was that number?

O-69.

You got this.

You got the coconut,

and you've got me.

(tapping)

Listen to those dabbers

on the table, man.

It's like music.

It's cool.

It's like Jamiroquai.

You believe this mooniya?

I'm surprised

he even came out tonight.

I thought he'd be

at home drinking milk,

watching documentaries.

- (laughing)

- Oh, hey, calm down, all right?

Dean, I am still

your boss.

North Store Greg is my boss.

Day Off Greg is just some nerd

with a moustache.

Look at this guy,

he's like part news anchor,

part catfish.

"This just in,

I'm really lame

"and I pull up

my pants really high

"because I have a hairy arse.

Back to you, Barb."

(sobbing)

(sniffling)

- Weenuk, what's wrong with you?

- (whimpering)

Don't get all sad arse now.

When we tease you,

it just means we like you.

Then, why does it hurt?

(sobbing)

Just take it

if you want to be cool.

Teasing is one of the sacred

seven teachings.

- It is?

- Yeah, man.

Keeps you humble.

Roger:

B-11.

B-11 or not to B-11.

Man, you got a lot to learn

about being cool on the Rez.

Get your elbows on the table.

Nobody likes a guy

with good posture.

Okay?

And throw a bro in

here and there bro.

Bro.

And instead of saying "no",

say, "Not even".

Not even.

Yeah, right.

And if somebody

rubs you the wrong way, say,

"Go f*ck yourself then."

Isn't that a little harsh?

Here, try it.

More bingo cards?

Not even, bro.

Cool.

And go f*ck

yourself, then.

This kind of rhymes.

Under the N, 37.

Bingo!

- (crowd applauding)

- Paul: Yeah!

Roger:

We have a bingo.

Early bird goes to Agnes.

Yeah, I see how it is,

just because

your daughter's Chief.

(crowd applauding)

(applauding)

♪

That's a good bingo.

What do you want, bro?

I lost my glasses.

Anyone return them?

Someone returned

his glasses already.

Let's see what you got.

No, sir, nobody's

turned in anything.

But

can I interest you in these?

The heck, boy!

These look like mine!

You have good taste!

Those just came in

from Paris.

Paris, eh?

Those stop UV light,

sunlight, blue light,

even Coors Light.

You put these on, you'll never

miss another number.

I'll take 'em.

These are $400.

But for you, a hundred bucks.

That's a steal.

And if anyone asks

you where you got them,

tell them a boy named Blue.

(crowd shouting)

(shouting)

(screaming)

Hurry up!

f*ck! Call a number!

I'm trying to, Hilda.

Blame Cheap and Council.

You already told that joke.

Maybe your arms are

too weak

and you should start working out

with the teens.

You know what?

One day a ball's gonna come

flying out and

hit someone in the eye,

and that's gonna be on you.

As if!

You're just milking it, Roger.

Move it along.

(crowd shouting)

(gasping)

Where is she?

- What?

- Coco, where is she?

I told you to watch her.

Oh, Mom, I made a mistake.

I got distracted.

There's a guy over there eating

a hot dog in a hamburger bun.

You f*ck!

I know who did this.

Am I wearing something

of yours or what?

Oh. Guard the table.

Give me back

the coconut, Rita.

You sound like a coconut.

I know you stole it.

What seems to be

the problem?

Nothing, officer.

I'm just trying to play bingo.

Rita stole Coco.

Okay, I'm gonna

need a description.

Okay, he's brown.

Everyone here is brown.

You're gonna have

to get more specific.

He's hairy and he's

got big googly eyes.

If you're talking

about Ernie Mitchell,

he's at his mom's tonight.

She's talking about

a coconut.

Roger:

Under the O, 75.

Watch out for that beehive.

I might be running late,

but I got an N-38.

Under the G, 4-0.

Under the O, 65.

I-21. Are we fun?

She's gonna win soon.

I can feel it.

Look at her cards,

they're soaked.

Paul: She's gotta have

Coco there somewhere.

(creaking)

N-39.

The pain's moved

down to the spine.

Bingo!

(cheering)

We have a bingo. Rita

Anyone got any lard?

Oh, fok off.

You're just

struggling on purpose.

I am not.

That machine's fine.

Oh, really?

Why don't you come up here

and bingo call it, 'den?

Fine, 'den.

You're just playing it up,

tryin' to win an Oscar.

(creaking)

Under the I,

for "I told you so"

Paul:

h*'leh, you just suck!

(crowd shouting)

(exhaling sharply)

Oh, man,

I gotta admit, bro,

I kinda like

you better with the moustache.

Put it back.

Ah, well,

I can't do that, Dean,

because that's

not how moustaches work.

Just gotta try harder, bro.

Just push it back.

You know, I do kind

of like it, though.

I feel like

I can talk faster.

All right, well,

now that we got

cool Day Off Greg,

I'm gonna put you to the test.

Go ahead.

Tease me.

- Don't hold back.

- Are you sure?

Okay, I'll give it a try.

Um, you look like,

uh, a

a pothead.

Yeah, that's not bad,

that's not bad.

Well, how about this?

"I'm Dean. I, uh-- I sleep on a

bus and I poop in buckets.

"Hey"

Hey, you ever

notice that this guy

has never been

seen with a woman,

and yet,

he always has hickeys?

I think Dean has sex

with a vacuum cleaner.

(people laughing)

Okay, okay. I feel

the love in your teasing, bro.

- It's pretty good.

- Hey.

Didn't your father

crash a snowmobile

into an outhouse

when you were just a kid?

Probably driving too fast

trying to get away

from that big washing

machine-sized head of yours.

I mean, look at the size

of that square noggin.

Whenever he eats,

it's like he's on spin cycle.

"Um, um, um, um."

Huh?

(chuckling)

Dean?

Dean, did I do it right?

Rita!

Congratulations

on your bingo!

It's just a game; nothing

to be so serious about, eh?

I agree, Agnes.

The only thing I'm serious about

is my three grandchildren.

How many do you have again?

Aww.

Me, I only have one.

Don't make a move.

- Man: Come on, Jo!

- (crowd jeering)

Under the O

83.

Roger:

That's not even a real number!

Hurry up,

Cheap and Council!

- (thudding)

- Oh-h*!

Oh, my eye

Okay,

we're on to our final game:

monster bingo!

(crowd applauding)

Okay, let's get started, then.

We're going to try something

a little different this time.

B-15,

'cause

Roger's a shithead.

That's not even funny.

Hot start

over here, though.

You'll both have

plenty of time

to think about

what you did in here.

Hey, new fish.

Hilda, what are you

in for?

Blacking out my cards.

You?

I got caught trying

to steal back a coconut.

Amateur.

How long have you been

on the inside for?

Lips gave me 15

minutes.

I missed out

on so many things.

We gotta get out of here.

I think I have a plan.

Hey, Dean.

Listen, I'm so sorry

I was so hard on you earlier.

But you have to admit, you

helped create this cool,

untucked monster.

Look, I really want us

to be friends.

But I feel like

it's our differences

that make both of us

really special.

Yeah, man.

Maybe you should stay

as a nerdy white guy

and me as this cool-a*s

influential titan.

Sure, Dean.

But you know what I think

is the real bonanza?

It's our friendship.

That's beautiful, man.

Thanks.

Hey, and

you know what, guy?

Go f*ck yourself, then.

Not even.

All right!

(playing harmonica)

All right!

I got it.

You're gonna pretend

to be hurt,

and then you're

gonna cry for help.

Why pretend?

'Cause we can fake

that part.

Nah, nah,

it's gotta look real.

Here, cut me.

Ah, don't worry. Right here,

where there's no organs.

Trust me,

you can go pretty deep.

That's crazy.

Nobody's getting cut.

- Worked in Attica!

- I'm sure it did.

But all you got to do

is pretend to be hurt.

And then, Lips is going

to come in, and then--

- We'll cut him.

- Oh my God!

Nobody's getting cut!

Lips is going to come in,

I'm going to knock him out,

and then the two of us

are gonna be free.

Right, you coward.

We'll do it

your non-cutting way.

Get to it.

Help! Help!

Oh, my spleen! Oh!

It's busted! Oh!

Lips:

What's going on?

- What's going on?

- Now!

Ahh!

I'm sorry, Hilda,

but this is monster bingo!

Hey, Paul,

open the door!

(doorknob jiggling)

Damn it!

It's just

you and me now.

Nice try,

Rita the cheat-ah,

but thieves never win.

Give me that!

Paul: No!

Let go.

(both straining)

Let go! Aah!

♪

G-58!

I won!

Bingo! I won!

Those are my cards!

Were your cards,

Chief Snooze-You-Lose.

(crowd booing)

Four thousand big ones.

And guess what?

Every penny

is going towards my--

Let me guess.

The WinMax 5000 bingo machine?

As if.

I'm getting an arse lift.

(crowd booing)

All right, fine.

A WinMax 5000.

But if there's leftover money,

it's going right to my jeet!

Chickadee:

What's up, little guy?

That kid sold me a hamster for

a hundred bucks, but it's dead.

That's too far.

You crossed the line, Blue.

Here, take your money, kid.

There are limits, bro.

You'll learn them eventually.

The f*ck?

The student has

become the teacher.

♪ A prisoner sits in solitude

inside an empty cell

♪ Dreaming of his freedom ♪

♪ And a ghostly wishing well ♪

♪ Haunted by the flashes

of a rainbow in his tears ♪

♪ Waiting for an open door ♪

♪ To satisfy his fears ♪

♪ Somewhere deep inside him ♪

♪ He slowly shifts the blame ♪

♪ While the shouting in his ♪