03x03 - Jellyfish

[bunniefuu]

I need an 'X'.

No 'X'.

Uh, a 'C' and a 'S'.

Or a 'K' and an 'S'.

Whoa! Whoa! Don't let go.

You're fine.

I have a 'K'.

Yeah!

And a 'C'.

Yeah!

Hey.

"God should pay taxis."

People will get it.

Uh

No, they won't.

Uh Just be cool. Stay cool.

Hey!

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, thank God!

I think my key is broken.

- What time do you call this?

- How was J?

She was an actual angel.

Madison, I assume?

How was the gig?

Boring. We ended up going

on a crime spree instead.

Drink?

Hi. I'm

Michael.

It's OK. You're not gonna get fired.

Fired for what?

Sleeping with his students.

Uh student singular.

I'm I'm only sleeping with

Really?

You realise that's

incredibly unethical, dude.

You're in a position of power

and you're taking advantage

of my little sister here.

Are we gonna have a problem?

Um, are we?

Bowie!

I'm joking!

It's a joke. It's a silly joke.

Get in here. Come on,

man. Nothing but love.

Nothing but Mwah!

Welcome to the family, brother.

Ohhh!

Hey, uh

So is that something you usually do?

Deface churches?

- Most nights, yeah.

- Wow.

It's kinda hot.

What's hot?

The fact that Australian churches

earn a combined yearly

income of over $30 billion

and yet still have the audacity

to call themselves charities?

Uh, yeah.

- Can you two shut up?

- Sorry.

Um

I'm gonna go, OK.

You OK?

Whoa!

Oh, for f*ck's sake!

Sorry.

Hey, Ol. I gotta go.

I have a really bad feeling it's

one of my stepkids' birthdays.

Mummy's fine. Sometimes

too much fun makes you spew.

- Bye, tiny legend.

- Bye.

Oly, I worry.

Sorry, I was just vomiting.

Sorpresa! I have books for you!

- What do you say?

- Gracias.

Now go. Have some fun!

Let me guess. You're worried about

I worry about Santiago.

He's too porfiado

How you say? Proud, stubborn.

to say, "I love Oly."

You mean Keeks.

What is this word 'keeks'?

Santi's girlfriend.

He didn't tell you?

Novia? Girlfriend?

No!

For how long?

Well, he is thinking

about introducing her to J,

so a while, I guess.

Hey.

If you had a toothbrush at mine,

you wouldn't have to

brush your teeth here.

I like brushing my teeth here.

You don't have to drive me to work.

- It's OK.

- But I appreciate it.

Do you want to meet for lunch?

I'd love to but I can't. It's J day.

Sorry. f*ck.

- Ita, how

- Oh, you're Bernardita.

Hi. I've heard so much

about you. I'm Keeks.

I'm sorry. No English.

Sure. No problem.

Uh, we need to collect

some tomatoes on the way.

Let's talk about this at home.

That sounds yummy, though.

Beautiful girl.

Bye-bye.

Yeah, we just need to, um,

collect some ingredients for dinner.

Right.

'Cause it sounded like she wants you

to get back with your ex-girlfriend.

No.

Tomatoes.

Right.

Oh, thank you.

Mm. Is that cologne?

Is someone on a date?

It's just deodorant. And no, not a date.

I'm doing some research for my app.

Ah, the grumpy old man app?

- That's

- What's wrong with it?

It's not There's

nothing wrong with it.

I've just been getting some feedback.

- Complaints?

- Feedback is what it's called.

And, uh, the algorithm

might be a little off.

Apparently it's pairing

the wrong people together,

which is ridiculous.

So you're meeting the wrong people?

That's right. No.

I'm merely going undercover

to monitor the user

experience of my company.

Right. Sure.

You know there's nothing

weird to want a friend, Dom.

A lot of men get lonely at your age.

Yeah, but I'm an island,

so I don't need anyone.

Ooh. That might be him. Hi.

Just a latte with a half-sugar, please.

- Paul.

- Dom.

- How are you?

- Good.

How's it going?

Do this one.

OK.

Let me see.

What is it? What did we draw?

We drew Dah-dah!

A robot on a surfboard.

Oat latte for Keeks?

- Hey!

- Hi. Oh.

- Um

- Um

- J, this this is, um

- Deb borah. Debbie.

Debber son. I'm

I'm Debbie Debberson.

Hi. Pancakes. Yum.

Oat latte for Keeks?

Well, uh, great to see

you meet you, Santi.

And I'll speak to you soon.

Uh

- Or not.

- Yeah.

- Sorry.

- Just just

Apparently his mum dressed him as a girl

when he was a kid, which

I find absolutely hilarious

that there are generations

of confused sensitive guys out there

who thought they'd finally

found their model of fighting,

f*cking, sh**ting, writerly masculinity.

You know, my dad certainly did.

But, you know, behind closed doors,

it was all about the feminine for him.

You know, Hemingway I'm

talking about, not my dad.

Right.

So who was Hemingway?

He Never mind.

Do-do-do!

What a beautiful

afternoon in our village.

Yes. We are all so happy here.

Nothing ever goes wrong.

La la la ♪

Lu lu lu la la la la la la ♪

La la la la la la ♪

Ahhh ♪

Oh, no!

What is it?

A tornado! Quick, get

the children inside!

- There's no time!

- Argh!

- Run, Debbie! Run!

- Who's Debbie?

Daddy's friend.

- Who's Debbie Daddy's friend?

- From lunch.

They smoochy-kissed.

But, Debbie, I love you!

So what kind of bands are you into?

Uh, pretty mixed,

like lots of '90s Australian

stuff, some Brit pop,

some rare acid jazz

one-offs, that sort of thing.

Mate, we have a lot of crossover.

Huh!? I would love to show you mine.

I'd love to show you mine too.

Hey, should we have another coffee?

Yeah, sure.

Ah, two.

I have to be quick. I've

got to go to an appointment.

Whereabouts are you off to?

I've got to meet my parole officer.

OK.

Yeah. Shot my wife's

brother three years ago.

I said it was an accident,

so I didn't have to do

any time, which was lucky.

That is, uh, lucky.

And, uh, your brother-in-law,

how's he these days?

He is in the ground, where

that little prick belongs.

So when's good for you?

And she knows you're coming, right?

Uh, I texted her.

I'm actually pretty claustrophobic,

so let's not keep me in here long, yeah?

Agh, ha!

- You good?

- Yeah.

Ah, wait!

OK. Go. I hate this!

Ah, stop! OK. OK, go.

Close it, close it.

I am calm. I am safe.

I am not dying. I am calm.

I'm calm!

What's that noise?

That is the sound of somebody

who has made a terrible mistake.

- What the hell are you doing?

- Wait, wait, wait.

- Before you go mental

- Too late.

- This is my day.

- Yeah, I know, I know.

But just listen. I've

got a surprise for you.

Oh, another surprise?

It was sort of a surprise

to hear that you've been

smoochy-kissing randoms

in front of our daughter without

discussing it with me first.

OK, well, I did discuss it.

You said I should introduce her.

To your girlfriend. Not Debbie.

Debbie is my girlfriend.

What happened to Keeks?

Keeks is Debbie. Debbie

Can we talk about this later? I've

Another big night?

Oh, so if I go out partying

all night with my friends

and throw up in the morning,

that makes me a bad mum?

Yes.

What about all the nights

you went out partying

while I was studying and

looking after our daughter, huh?

What about them?

Oh, so it's fine for you but not for me?

Well, the Oly I remember

thought getting wasted was dumb.

"The Oly I remember thought

getting wasted was dumb."

OK. Well, this was a mistake.

Yeah, it was.

- Oh, by the way

- What?

surprise.

Surprise?

Thank you.

- Back again?

- Sí.

Feeling hopeful today?

Well, always.

I had my IT team tweak the algorithm.

I'm just here to bed it down

and make sure that

it's working properly.

OK, well, good luck.

Here we go.

Oh, wow, I'm so sorry.

Your wife got cancer too?

That's rough. Yeah, I know, I'm sorry.

Did she, by any chance,

have sex with her oncologist?

Eh

OK, sorry.

So what you're saying, just

so we're on the same page,

is that the Earth is flat,

the moon is round,

therefore the moon landing was fake,

but satellites are real

because they track our thoughts?

Oh, I really like you too, mate.

Just, the app is primarily

for making friends.

If you are in need of a new kidney,

then I think there are better ways

to track one down, you know?

I just met some of the

worst men in the world.

- No?

- Yeah.

One of them tried to convince me

that Kamala Harris

is a Russian hologram.

I mean it.

I don't know.

I don't know how but something's

definitely off with the app.

Yes, the app, of course.

And please keep having

your man dates here.

They make me laugh.

Oh, well, I'm glad

I bring joy to someone.

What are you talking about?

You moved out, you broke

up, your mum was sick.

So much has happened.

Yeah, I guess.

Oh, and you're best

friends with Madison now?

Lol.

I really missed you, Reema.

I missed you more.

Despite your amazing,

glamorous, international life?

Don't get me started.

It's nice to be home.

Your life looks so shiny and rich.

That's literally the

name of the filter I used.

It wasn't all great.

Mm.

Yeah, uni hasn't exactly been

what I thought it would be either.

Though, I am sort of

hanging out with one of my tutors.

Ooh, scandalous. Mm.

Must be nice to have someone

on your level, intellectually.

Yeah.

So I was thinking maybe

I would stay for a bit?

Decompress.

Oh, dude, if I was you, I would run.

I would get out right now.

I mean, what's keeping you here?

Aside from your mum, of course.

Nothing, I guess?

It's funny, I thought you'd

be working at the UN by now

instead of getting wasted with Madison.

Well, not all of us can

just pack up and run away

whenever we want.

Well, I should go.

Oh, and I'm having

this welcome-back thing

on Saturday in the park.

You should come, if you can.

Bring your professor.

Tutor.

Dunno that you deserve it, though.

What about that politician?

George Anabasis?

Anabasis?

What about him?

Oh, you know, just the way

him and the anti-fasc are

gonna be there tonight.

But I I can see you're busy.

- Bad news?

- Uh, no.

It's just a school friend's

having, like, a

welcome-back picnic thing.

- Fun.

- Yeah.

Oly will be there?

I don't know. Probably.

You should go.

I don't even want to come.

It's too early anyway.

Too early to what?

Introduce you to my friends?

Yeah, I wouldn't want you

meeting my friends. As if.

Well, would you want to come?

No!

What if I begged?

I thought you weren't going.

I'd go if you came.

The thing is, Santi,

if there's one thing Debbie

Debberson hates, it's picnics.

Ah!

I guess I still have so much to learn

about Debbie Debberson then, don't I?

You haven't even scratched

the surface of Debbie.

Go to the picnic. See your friends.

Try to remember how to have fun.

And, uh, you're sure

none of your friends

know that I'm your tutor, right?

- Yeah.

- Good.

So, uh, how did we

How did we meet? Uh

Uh, I don't know. Bumble?

Oh, Jesus, that's grim.

What about, um, we bumped

into each other at a bookshop?

- OK.

- And I asked you out.

- Sure.

- Cool.

Oh, actually, no, wait.

Uh, you asked me out. Yeah?

What up? Look who's here!

Hey!

- Oh.

- Hey, how are you? Michael.

- Hey, man.

- Oh, sav blanc?

- Hey, I'm Zac.

- Oh, uh, Michael.

- Michael.

- Yes.

Michael, what'd you bring?

Uh

- It's a nice day.

- Yeah.

- Bah.

- Ooh! Uce.

- What's doing, bro?

- Hey. Santi. Gary.

Hey!

Do you remember me? I think we

went to the same high school.

Nope, sorry, wrong person.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Ah, you still smell the same.

Thank you?

And you grew a moustache?

Yeah. What, you don't like it?

No, it's It's nice.

I think it's really hot.

And you brought your cousin?

- Classic.

- Girlfriend. I'm Ayesha.

You must be the famous Reema.

Guilty as charged.

Well, help yourself

to some drinks, guys.

It was meant to only be school people,

so just introduce yourself,

everyone's really friendly.

Oh, and don't go in the water.

Apparently the harbour's

completely rammed with jellyfish.

- Gross.

- Right?

But it's not their fault.

Life must be tricky if

you haven't got a brain.

So how did you guys get together?

Oh, you know, just

Do you want to Yeah, we, um

It was at a bookshop. Um

I was going in and she was coming out

and we bumped into each other

and she dropped everything

and, uh, yeah, I helped

her pick up the books,

the multiple books, and,

yeah, then she asked me out.

- That's like a movie.

- Mm.

Or real life. Yeah.

Yeah, look, I mean, it's cute.

Not as cute as nearly asphyxiating

in the back of a ute.

- I mean, that's next level.

- Huh?

Your best friend, Reema.

She, like, surprised you 10 minutes ago.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's how you make an entrance.

Yeah, that was That

was pretty amazing.

Now that I think about it.

Hey, Mads, my mate said

she saw you the other night.

You were hanging around,

like, a church or something?

Not hanging around. Vandalising.

Oh, no.

Tell your mate Oly's

tutor, who she's f*cking,

made us vandalise a church.

- Didn't you, Michael?

- Hold on, you're her tutor?

No. I'm a bookshop worker.

Thanks.

Whoa, slow down. There's

ketamine in there.

- OK.

- Alright, go, go, go.

Oh, my God, I love smelly cheese.

Michael.

Ah, clink, clink, clink.

- Hey, everyone! Hey!

- Hey.

Erm, I just wanted to say

thank you all ever so much for coming.

As you all know, I went

overseas to find myself.

And I did. And she's amazing.

But what I didn't realise was

how much I would miss this.

I think sometimes you have to

make new friends to realise,

"Oh, no, maybe my old

friends are better."

Even if we've changed.

Anyways, I'm not gonna be

in town for much longer,

so everybody think of one

nice thing to say to me.

Be specific.

Crowd goes wild.

I never thought I'd be back here.

I thought I was leaving forever.

Yeah. I never thought I'd donate

my sperm to Talia, but I did.

Life's crazy, huh?

What?

Yeah, nah, Talia and her girlfriend

asked me for some help and I said yes.

Did you?

How cool.

To have a baby with Talia.

Talia's girlfriend.

Talia's girlfriend.

How absolutely exciting.

You reckon?

You're the only person I've told so far.

- You haven't told Alicia?

- Ayesha.

No. It's early days, so

Wow. That's great.

That's great.

If that's what you want.

It's easy for me.

It'll make them happy.

I dropped out of uni.

And I got divorced.

Ouch. Really?

Yeah.

That's intense.

It's good. I mean, it's not good.

But it's good.

Really?

Yeah.

It turns out doing everything

you're supposed to do

and getting everything

you wanted can suck.

So is that why you're not going back?

Who told you I'm not going back?

Don't tell anyone.

Oly's lucky to have you.

Not everyone gets a Reema.

That's true. She is lucky.

God, she's a bad drunk.

Hey, Olympia!

Did you just throw a jellyfish at me?

- I don't know. Did I?

- Um, jellyfish fight?

Is that a thing? Are you guys crazy?

I got you!