04x05 - La Hora Loca

[bunniefuu]

REEMA: Vince, would you say you
have a monistic world view?

Uh, yeah, I might.

Ta-da!

This one?

Or I can go back to red.

Hmm, are you feeling

a costume change halfway?

That seems a bit over the top.

Yep. [SIGHS]

What's, um, 'monistic' mean?

Oh, Rakim reckons he's got this
one principle that he lives by.

And I just felt, like, jealous.

Like, what would it be like to
be that sure about anything?

Rakim said that?

Yeah, after the game.
We had coffee... with Mariam.

With Mariam.

He's training as a detective,
but he studied law for a while,

which is unusual.

Yeah. Kinda sounds like
you have a crush on this guy.

Oh, who wouldn't?!

You yourself said he was hot.

Vince...

[MUSICAL CAR HORN BLARES]

- They're here. I've gotta go.
- Cool.

- Cool?
- Yeah.

Have a good night.

I'll text you later?

[AIRY MUSIC]

Just don't.

Rosa will be thrilled.

I'm glad someone will be.

- Come on. It'll be fun.
- No, it won't.

Once more unto the breach,
dear friend?

Weirdo.

[BASS-HEAVY DANCE MUSIC]

[ALL CHEER AND SCREAM]

- ANGIE: Let's go!
- Oh, wow!

SONG: ♪ Feels like the weekend
Feels like the weekend... ♪

It's fine. Let's do this.

♪ Is about to begin

♪ Should I buy some drinks?
Should I plan some things?

♪ Should we take my car
or bus it in? ♪

Whoo-hoo!

Hey, guys! Look who's here!

It's the beautiful bride!

- Oh, my God!
- Oh! Sorry, p*nis.

- Yahoo!
- [LAUGHS]

Oh! Laying it on
a bit thick, Mum.

Just lie back
and think about tomorrow.

I had to give her
the hens' night.

It was the only way
I could control the wedding.

Oh, I cannot tell you
how thrilled I am

to be
the involuntary centrepiece

of this anti-feminist
comic opera.

That's the spirit! Hens' night!

[ALL CHEER]

- You look great, by the way.
- Oh, thanks, dickhead.

- So are you!
- [CHEERS]

Oh, but I had to give
a 'la hora loca'.

What is that?

Oh, I don't know.

It's some sort of Colombian
traditional wedding thing.

I think it'll be fun.

OK, but, Mum, remember,
I don't want a big deal.

I just want something
low-key, simple.

[SHRIEKS] But you're a bride!

You're a bride!

ROSA: Here it is!

Whoo!

[LAUGHS]

[ALL CHEER]

ROSA: Amigo, Potts Point!
Vamonos!

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES]

Shredding for the wedding, mate?

You know it, uce.

VINCE: Very good. Very good.

What's up with you?

Nothing's up. What,
I can't sit here and watch you?

- Alright, chill out.
- I'm chilled.

- Wanna get up and train?
- I don't wanna get up and train.

Wanna do a bit of jujitsu?

I don't wanna be touched by you
right now, please. Thank you.

- Let's go to round two, bro.
- Get outta here, mate.

Is this part of the set-up?

- Oh, sh...
- Oh.

Oh. sh*t, man. Sorry.

You said you didn't want to do
anything, so I didn't...

No, no, no, bro. It's all good.

It's actually...
It's actually better that way.

Um, I'm gonna go
have a shower, but, um...

Yeah, no stress.
I'll pack it up.

Yeah, yeah,
just train if you want.

[EXHALES]

Hey! Bucks' night!

Oh, there he is!
The man of the hour!

- What the f*ck?!
- Yeah, Santi!

Where are we going?

Steakhouse? Gin bar?

DOM: But before we do,

I have a cave-aged
soft cheese platter

to finish.

I can't remember the last time

I saw you two in the same room.

Ah, what are you
talking about, mate?

That's, uh... That's all,
uh, water under a bridge.

Yeah. Ancient history, boys.

That's... good news.

Vince, can I talk to you
for a second?

- VINCE: Yep.
- Let's party!

SANTI: Yeah. Oh, it's exciting.

Let's party, huh?

[SOFTLY] Hey, this isn't really
what I was picturing, bro.

Yeah, everyone else was busy,
so this is all I got.

[SIGHS]

You did say
you didn't want anything.

OK. Let's just
make the most of it.

OK, thank you.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

[ANGIE AND REEMA LAUGH]

[LAUGHS] No, he was like
a pneumatic drill.

I was, like, "Uh..."

And then, after it, he said,

"Oh, no, your orgasm
is your own responsibility."

- Oh, OK.
- Are young men that bad?

Uh...

I mean, I know they've been
raised on internet porn,

but I would have thought
your generation

would be more enlightened.

Like, just go five times slower.

Wh... Um, what about Edith
and that whole...? How's...?

What about her?

No further questions.

'c*m gutters'.
He taught me a new word.

I think it's this part
of the body. c*m gutters?

Is that right, Austin?
Is that a g*y thing?

[CHUCKLES] Uh, it's not
from my people, no.

- Oh, Oly told me you and...
- Karl.

...broke up, yeah.

Yeah. It's fine.
It was on the cards.

I mean, talk about
a same-sex marriage.

You are the priest
at the wedding?

TALIA: The celebrant, yes.

- Are you Catholic?
- ARIEL: sh*t, no!

Well, I got a Certificate IV
at TAFE online.

She is slaying.

- You have married many couples?
- TALIA: Yes, I love it.

It's a great job.

[ROSA LAUGHS]

- But you're having fun?
- Yeah.

I could do without the hat
and the... sash.

- [ROSA GIGGLES]
- But I am.

Well, good, because it's time
for your special surprise!

[LAUGHS]

[EDGY DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]

[CHEERS]

Oh!

[PARTY GUESTS CHEER]

Yeah, I obviously expected
to move back into my home here,

but, uh, it's actually
worked out for the better.

And I'm genuinely surprised

that more adults
don't commit to share housing.

Two adult men living together?
Really?

- Yes.
- [MATIAS SCOFFS]

[SIGHS]

Hey, Santi, you hungry, mate?

Um, you should try
the, um, uh, Brillat-Savarin.

I'm all good, mate.
I don't do dairy.

Oh, another one.

- Uh, what about a drink?
- I am A-OK.

You don't have to be nervous,
mate. It's just a wedding.

I'm not nervous.
I'm just, you know...

DOM: OK.

[PHONE BUZZES]

DOM: Alright, is it my turn?

My turn. Read them and weep.

- Full house.
- MATIAS: Congratulations.

DOM: Good to be the king.

VINCE: Very good.

So, are we going to
a strip club?

Oh, my f*cking God, Dad.

It's tradition, isn't it?

I'm not gonna sit around
a bunch of guys with boners

with my dad
and my soon-to-be father-in-law.

[PARTY GUESTS SHRIEK AND CHEER]

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYS]

[ANGIE SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]

[OLY GASPS]

- Show us your c*m gutters!
- OLY: Mum!

[PARTY GUESTS SCREAM AND GIGGLE]

Seriously? That's... your vows?

SANTI: Yeah.

What... what do you think?

Well, I think
we can... probably... help

with some editorial,
uh, decisions.

OK, what do you...? How...?

Mijo, stick with the classics.
Love, honour, obey.

Yeah, look, we're not, uh,
training dogs here.

- That's, uh...
- You would say that, huh?

- Mate, I'm trying...
- I agree with Dom here.

Vince, what do you think?

I don't know.
Google it, please.

- Are you serious, bro?
- VINCE: I can't help.

Bro...

[LIVELY ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

[MAGPIES WARBLE OUTSIDE]

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

[GIGGLES]

[PHONE BUZZES]

DOM: You'll be pleased to know
that Rosa and I

have been closely collaborating
on the entertainment

for la hora loca.

[GROANS] Dom, just stop talking.

BOWIE: The whole thing's
redundant and expensive.

They're already committed
to each other for life.

Why does it need to be
such an official thing?

Oh, boo-hoo, Bowie.
Get a girlfriend.

Hola!

Aww, hello, JJ.

- Are you OK?
- I'm getting married!

[ANGIE LAUGHS] Ah.

DOM: Oh, good.

Bit excited for
the big day, huh?

Uh, I think you need to get out
of your mum's dress

and we'll hang it up and...

Good morning, Ol.

[SOFT SQUELCHING]

[SIGHS]

ANGIE: Mm.

What?

Oh, it's nothing. Don't worry.

It's just...

My eye feels weird.

Oh, it doesn't look that bad.

- Oh, my God.
- It's... Uh, yeah.

It's a bit of conjunctivitis,
I think.

That stripper's bloody G-string!

- Oh, don't worry!
- Eww!

Don't worry about the Cronenberg
film that is on my face

when the wedding is in,
like, three hours?!

ANGIE: Four hours.
It's just four.

Mama, I feel sick.

Oh, JJ!
Ooh, you're wearing my dress!

- Let me...
- [VOMITS]

[COUGHS]

[ANGIE RETCHES]

- [GASPS]
- ANGIE: Mm.

OK, we have two hours
until hair and make-up is here.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

- BERNARDITA: Hola.
- Hola.

- BERNARDITA: We have it.
- Great. Put it over there.

SEB: Aah! That f*cking hurt!

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

- Please.
- SANTI: Don't worry.

Hey, guys,
has anyone seen Vince?

- No.
- Vince!

- Yo, uso.
- Uso!

OK, Oly, I'm putting you
on speaker now. Come here.

- What's going on?
- What's wrong?

OLY: I don't know what to do.

She's had two vodka jelly shots.

- What?!
- Oh!

- Is she OK?
- Is Vince there?

Vince, she's vomited
vodka jelly.

- VINCE: Is she OK?
- Yeah.

I mean, she seems OK, but I...
What do I do?

I don't know. I'm not a doctor.

Move. Bowie, move. Here,
sweetie, just suck on that.

OK, Vince?

- Call a poison hotline.
- OLY: Suck it.

But if she's OK now,
just keep giving her water,

some food and let her rest, OK?

OK.

ANGIE: I couldn't get you
into the GP until midday.

Alright, well,
that's way too late.

I'm just gonna go to the chemist
and see what I can get.

I'll just get everything.

Aww, what about the dress?

I don't care about the dress.

I'm gonna pretend
you didn't just say that.

- Hello?
- Hello?

REEMA: Oly, stop, stop.

That stain is not coming out
of that dress today.

- So...
- ANGIE: Mm!

Nice work, Reema.

It's your size. I can adjust it
if it's a bit big.

- OK?
- OK.

It's gorgeous, right?

Well, that's great. Thanks.

One problem. It's in Mona Vale.

I can't drive.

Yeah, I've got to get the PA
and take it to the venue.

Dad, what are you doing?

- I'm getting my electroly...
- Give it back!

Electrolytes
aren't just for children.

Vince!

Yeah, I'm here.

Can you drive Reema
to Mona Vale now?

Yeah, sure, I can do that.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Eugh!

REEMA: How was the non-bucks'?

It was fine.

You're being weird.

Vince? Hello?

What, are you just gonna give me

the silent treatment
the whole day?

You know we're giving
a speech today, right?

Are we gonna talk about that?

[INDICATOR TICKS]

[SCOFFS, LAUGHS]

Unbelievable.

Is this all because of what...

[LOUDLY] Can we
just do this later?

[SOFTLY] Please? Sorry. Please?

Do what later?

[INDICATOR TICKS]

[SIGHS] It's just...

Look, it's Oly
and Santi's day, OK?

Their big day.

So, you guys think
this will work?

DOM: Open up, open up, open up.

ANGIE: Oh, probably not
by this afternoon,

but not to worry.

Oh, come on. I can't wear that!

Come on, just give it a try.

Hey, what do you think?

Arr, well,
ahoy there, me hearty!

She be a fine sea monster.

Just try the beige one.

Maybe we could bedazzle it.

Yeah, yeah, you could be,
like, a sparkly pirate.

[ANGIE SNORTS, GIGGLES]
Yeah, maybe not.

How about... how about, like,
a... like, a veil?

A nice traditional symbol of
chastity and maidenly modesty.

ANGIE: Aww, gorgeous!

That's great. [SNORTS]

[DOM, ANGIE AND BOWIE LAUGH]

f*ck!

Oh, no.

- Oh, darling.
- Oh, Oly.

Oh, sweetheart.

It's OK. It's gonna be OK.

It only goes for about


ROSA: Hola!

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

ANGIE: Oh, you look beautiful.
You still hung over?

- You with that...
- [LAUGHS]

Last night
and the champagne bottle.

DOM: Hey, lookin' sharp.

- Hola.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hey!

[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]

- [SOFTLY] Look out.
- Hello!

Oh, hi.

MATIAS: Rosa.

Matias.

- Oh, hi.
- Hi.

I thought you were
only having twins.

Mm.

Hey, you OK?

[STIFLES GIGGLE]

How you going, bro?

Doing, bro.

- How you going with your vows?
- [EXHALES]

I don't know, bro.

It just feels like everything
that I'm trying to write down

doesn't... doesn't feel like us.

You know? It feels...

All you've got to do
is be honest.

Yeah? Say how you feel.

[SIGHS] I feel...

I feel lucky.

Bingo. You feel lucky.

Just say that, man.

Stop stressing, mate.

[SIGHS]

Come here, man.

[VINCE SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY
AND GRUNTS]

- SANTI: I love you, man.
- Love you too.

Puchita! Puchita!

[AIRY MUSIC]

There really isn't any meat.

I've worked so hard
to keep the food miles down.

The c*ck spirits were
distilled in St Peters

from cucumber peels

and used coffee grounds!

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Uh, tofu gyoza
handmade in Marrickville.

Um, community garden salad
with foraged nettles.

Angie, I know we had a deal...

No, we still have a deal.

Yes, but the guests will still
go hungry after the gyoza and...

Did I not hold up to
my end of the bargain

with the hens' night?

Thank you.

Uh, vegan sourdough pizza
with roasted cherry tomatoes.

Vintage flatware, upcycled cups!

Ha-ha! Partying with
a clear conscience.

Remember, you can annul
your marriage within 30 days.

SHAUNA: Oly!

Oly!

Never thought
I'd see you like this.

Shauna, meet my dad.
This is my dad, Dom.

SHAUNA: Hello.

- DOM: Welcome.
- Thank you.

This is like
the mullet of outfits.

[LAUGHS]

Business up top,
party down the back.

How do you guys know each other?

- Shauna's my boss.
- SHAUNA: Yes. Boss.

Ah, do you, uh...

I think Oly, of all people,

buying into the PR for
a patriarchal institution

in which until very recently
women were literally property,

not to mention, you know,
the interracial couples

and the q*eer folk
who have been excluded.

I just think to this day,

the straight man gained
significant material advantage

over the women

and the reality is that
there's nothing that anybody...

[AIRY MUSIC]

You OK?

Yeah.

What's wrong?
Is it... is it the eye?

Oh, I just...

Just... we're here.

After everything.

How did I get so lucky?

I...

[BOTH LAUGH]

It's time!

Is it?

Shall we?

[OLY WHISPERS] Yeah.

And now you may kiss.

SONG: ♪ Rewind to find you... ♪

[GUESTS CHEER AND APPLAUD]

♪ Caught by a low moon

♪ All your love
completes me... ♪

I did this.

♪ All your love,
it makes me stay

♪ You're the love I needed... ♪

[LAUGHS]

See, these are
the foraged nettle.

Mm. It's good.

Hola! Hola!

Hola! This is my gift
for the beautiful couple.

[INSTRUMENTAL POP MUSIC PLAYS]

[SINGS IN SPANISH]

[SPEAKS INAUDIBLY]

[CONTINUES SINGING IN SPANISH]


to propose tonight.

Mm. Yeah.

- Who said true love was dead?
- [SNORTS]

[CONTINUES SINGING IN SPANISH]

Mm! Michoacana!

[LAUGHS]

Here we are
at my daughter's wedding.

She's aged 24.

That's cra... 24.

My God. But good on her, though.

She hasn't brought any of
that wedding sh*t to work,

which is something.

No, no, no, she's very diligent.

And the f*cking school toilets?
That's rough.

She's k*lling it now, though.

Like you, huh?

You're, what, the youngest,
coolest mayor in Sydney?

Are you putting the moves on,
Mr Oly's dad?

Maybe. Just a bit.

Mm.

We are, um, having
the afterparty at our house

if you wanna...

You're f*ck' twice my age!

What am I gonna do?
Party with you?

You'll be in bed by f*ck' -
I don't know - 10pm.

No need
to be aggressive about it.

[LAUGHS] I didn't say no.

EDITH: Hey, Dom!

Oh, sh...

Well, what a wonderful penchant
for drama

you lesbians have, huh?

[DOM LAUGHS] Huh?

Couldn't just call ahead?

Didn't think
the specific context here

might warrant
a bit of prior notice?

f*ck off, Dom. Come on, give me
a toke before we go in there.

Love you, legend.

SHAUNA: Sorry, who are you?

- Long story.
- It's a long story.

[DOM CLEARS THROAT]

You're not thinking of going out
with him, are you?

I'm the f*ck' mayor.

VINCE: Hey, everyone.
Everyone. Hey.

Uh, excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen.

[GLASS CLINKS]

VINCE: Uh, if we could just have
your attention, please?

Thank you.

Look, if anyone's a good ad

for getting knocked up
in high school, it's you two.

[GUESTS LAUGH]

Yeah, I don't think anyone else

who hooked up
at my 16th birthday

stayed together past Year 11.

[GUESTS CHUCKLE]

Seriously, though, I guess
nothing really is forever.

But... you two...

GUESTS: Aww!

...you two are.

GUESTS: Aww!

Vince and I wanted to share
our favourite poem about love

by Rumi...

Oh, yay!

REEMA: ..which I'll say in Urdu
and Vince will translate.

GUEST: Aww!

VINCE: Um...

To Oly and Santi.
Love and happiness.

ALL: To Oly and Santi!

[GUESTS CHEER]

Ladies and gentlemen,
la hora loca!

Aah!

[LIVELY PERCUSSION]

[GUESTS CHEER AND WHISTLE]

There you are.

You're missing la hora loca.

You gonna tell me
what's going on?

You're just... not all here...

...with me anymore.

Vince, I've been third
or fourth priority in your life

since we got together.

You've got Malik,
you've got work,

you're always cancelling things
we've planned.

You lied to your dad about me.

I just wanted him to like you.

Like Rakim?

You like him...

...don't you?

Honestly...

...I'm confused.

[VINCE INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY]

[VINCE SCOFFS]

I have loved you...

...since high school.

And I still love you.

[SCOFFS]

[STAMMERS]

[STAMMERS]

So, if you like this guy now...
[SNIFFS]

...that's it, then.

I'm done.

I'm done trying to win you.

I'm done chasing you.

[GENTLE MUSIC]

SONG: ♪ Look up, honey

♪ We're almost home

♪ Time moves slower
when you're in the unknown... ♪

Yep. [SNIFFLES]

[VINCE SIGHS]

[GENTLE MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪ But I'm no longer lonely

♪ When I'm alone

♪ I know I've got something

♪ I've been clearing up
my life. ♪

[WAVES LAP GENTLY]

SANTI: Oly once said to me

that we had done everything backwards...

SONG: ♪ Rewind to... ♪

...and we all know
how Oly loves to be right.

[GUESTS LAUGH]

And she was definitely right
about that.

But, Ol...

...you also said
we were doomed...

♪ Bright blue... ♪

...and that...

♪ In high tide and cold... ♪

...that I always knew
you were wrong about.

GUESTS: Aww!

Always.

♪ With my heart in your hands

♪ With my heart in your hands

♪ With my heart... ♪

OLY: I used to hate
the idea of marriage.

[ALL LAUGH]

For, like, you know,
the obvious reasons.

But I've come to think of it...

♪ All your love
It keeps me... ♪

...as a story that we're telling
ourselves and our daughter...

♪ All your love
completes me... ♪

...about the life
that we want to have.

And I don't know
what's next in our story.

♪ Bright blue... ♪

But I do know
that we've been tested...

...and we're strong.

♪ In high tide

♪ And cold water

♪ With my heart... ♪

You and J are the best thing
that ever happened to me.

GUESTS: Aww!

I love you.

And I choose you.

You're my person.

♪ With my heart
in your hands... ♪

SANTI: You and J...

♪ Don't let go... ♪

...you're the best things
that ever happened to me.

♪ With my heart
in your hands... ♪

I love you.

I choose you.

♪ All you love, it keeps me... ♪

You're my person.

♪ Safe

♪ All your love completes me

♪ All your love it makes me stay

♪ You're the love I needed. ♪

[AIRY MUSIC AND VOCALS]