04x06 - Dating

[bunniefuu]

[ROLLER DOOR RATTLES]

DOM: I'm not helping you.

EDITH: You could just
give me a hand

with the door?

DOM: No.

- [CHIMES JANGLE]
- [EDITH EXHALES]

DOM: Wow.

- [EDITH EXHALES]
- It's like Aladdin's cave.

But instead of treasures,
it's full of traumatic memories.

So...

...she was a hoarder.

[CHUCKLES]
That's an understatement.

OK, well, here's the plan.

We look at none of it,
we chuck out all of it.

Throw out
all Mum's worldly possessions?

Yes, without looking at it.

Here's what we're doing.

We make three piles -

throw away, keep
and give to charity.

And a sell pile?

Well, we may as well
make some money

out of this whole nightmare.

- I am so glad I don't have kids.
- Oh, yeah?

Well, who's gonna
go through your stuff

when you decide to cark it, huh?

Certainly not me.

I'm... I'm parched.
Did you bring any wine?

- Of course not!
- Why not?

Maybe we'll find some.

Ooh!

Hey, look at this.

DOM: Is that Auntie Carol?

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CUP AND SAUCER CLATTER SOFTLY]

[GROANS] Oh, God.

- Who are you?
- It's OK. You're OK.

I just thought
I might... send over some tea.

Oh, God.

Oh, huh!

Aren't you a sweet... child?

Um, what did I do with my phone
and my bra?

- Not sure.
- [SIGHS]

And my life?

I haven't done that in for...

[EXHALES] ..ever, actually.

I've never done that.

[LAUGHS]

[SNORTS]

Snort tequila? [CHUCKLES]

No, just hook up with someone
from a dating app.

Yeah.

And I've also got,
like, an hour,

couple of hours to spare
before I go to work, so...

Oh, no, I think
we both know what this is.

- Yep, yep, yep, yep.
- Or was.

Was.

Was?

Two people clearly

not over their exes.

Yeah, you're right,
you're right, you're right.

That's why you kept calling me
Mark last night?

Oh, f*cking Mark.

Yeah, that guy, hey?

Meanwhile, you're a...

You're a lot hotter IRL
than your dating profile.

- Yeah?
- Mm.

- [CHUCKLES]
- Thanks.

What's wrong with
my dating profile?

All the blurry pictures
of you playing basketball.

It's netball, OK?

- And I play wing attack.
- OK.

[GIGGLES] Hey.

Um, can you turn around,
face that way?

Turn what?

Turn your body that way.

Yes. Yes. Look at me.

Head down. Eyes up.

- You...
- [CAMERA CLICKS]

...are about to be having
a lot of sex.

[CAMERA CLICKS]

Let's get some
different looks happening.

Funny you say.
I was thinking maybe...

No, absolutely not.

- We don't have to have the hats.
- No. No hats.

SONG: ♪ Take a good look
at me... ♪

WOMAN: Oh, that's great.

Come a bit closer.

[MOANS] Oh, I like that!

Arch your back a bit.
Now give it to me, Vince.

Get on your knees.
Get down there.

Ooh! I like it!
It's like a rattlesnake.

Oh, that's... Yes! Oh, yeah!

♪ There's enough wannabes

♪ Move it like you mean it

♪ You move it like me... ♪

- Uso! Looking sharp.
- Thanks, man.

Where are you off to, uce?

- Sex Town.
- Ooh! Who with?

At this rate, who knows?

[PHONE CHIMES]

I know I've been busy
with this stuff,

but if you feel like you wanna
talk about anything,

you know I'm... I'm always down.

[CHUCKLES] Talk about what, bro?

You know, just, like, life stuff

or if you've got anything that
you wanna get off your chest.

I'm good, man.
Everything's on the up.

Any chance that you and Oly
are gonna be out today?

Uh, yeah, probably
after we drop off J.

Sweet, 'cause I have
someone to do.

Aren't you with Malik today, bro?

sh*t.

- Hey, 'rattlesnake'.
- Morning.

What's he running from?
His feelings?

- [DOOR SLAMS]
- He says he's good.

On the up, apparently.

That's what Reema's saying.

[TOASTER RATTLES]

How do we get Vince and Reema
back together?

OLY: We could do a dinner.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, she's coming.
You'd better hide that.

What are you drawing, Papi?
Can I see?

See what?

I never get to see anything!

- SANTI: Oh, sorry, puchita.
- OLY: I know.

It's 'cause you're this big.

- SANTI: That is a good idea.
- JACINDA: It's not fair.

- Mm?
- Dinner, us four.

Yeah.

- Hey, Ol.
- OLY: Hey, Reems.

Do you have plans tonight?

No. Why?

OLY: I was just wondering...

Do you wear lipstick
to the soccer training?

Shush!

Huh?

REEMA: Sorry. My mum came.

Oh, hi, Ishani.

ISHANI: Hi, Oly.

Do you put on lot of make-up
when you play soccer?

I don't do any of those things.

[GIGGLES]

Because you are clever.

Can you ask Reema if she wants
to come to dinner tonight?

Oly wants you to take
those earrings off

and come for dinner.

Who's going?

It's just Santi and Oly.

Oly, it seems Reema's going to
be busy this evening...

...with a certain Rakim.

Oh, my God, how did you know
about that? Did Dad tell...

[ISHANI LAUGHS]

Oly, yeah, I'm free
for dinner tonight

but also, I'm OK.

What do you mean?

I know you're worried about me

and I'm completely fine,
alright?

I'm just really focusing
on myself.

Too focused, if you ask me.

Hey, Reems, what's your mum
saying about Rakim?

OK, I love you both.

If you need to know anything
else about me, you can ask Dad.

Oly, I will see you tonight.

Hey.

You don't have to say anything.
I know.

TALIA: Know what?

VINCE: That I'm late
and I stuffed up,

but I'm here now,

so where is my son?

It's too late. Ariel's got him.

She took him to work.

Oh, I thought they
didn't let her do that.

They don't.

It's gonna be really tricky
for her,

but I've got a million things
to do.

Cool, I'll go grab him now
and it'll be all sorted.

No, it's too late.

And don't you have work

this afternoon anyways?

Can I grab him tomorrow?
Is he free?

We don't need you tomorrow,
Vince. We needed you today.

Why didn't you guys call me
when I wasn't here?

Just pick up your phone
and call me!

Wait, no, no.
Are you saying this is my fault?

No. No, no, no, it's my fault.

- Yeah.
- It's all my fault.

It is.

Yeah.

OK, then, well, I'm going, then.

Sort yourself out, Vince.

BERNARDITA: Beautiful.

[BOTH SPEAK SPANISH]

But it's too expensive.

- I think...
- [TABLET CHIMES]

What? What is it?

You don't like it?

No, I don't like it.

Why? [SPEAKS SPANISH]

That is perfect
for Picá del Sabor.

Where's your phone?
I, uh... I need your phone.

No, don't run! It will be worse
for you if you run!

[SHOUTS IN SPANISH]

Sebastian José Hernandez Florez!

SEB: What?

Explain yourself.

I didn't mean to.

Didn't mean to what?

I didn't mean to send a nude
to my mother's phone.

You didn't send a nude
to your mum's phone.

You sent a picture of your p*nis
to your mum's iPad

which your grandmother
was using!

[STAMMERS] Full screen.
High res.

Erecto!

Obviously meant
for someone else.

Ah, si? And who are you sending
this p*rn*graphy to? Huh?

- Your girlfriend? [SCOFFS]
- Yes.

My girlfriend.

And how long have you had
a girlfriend?

I don't know.
Like, four months now.

- Four months?
- Four months.

- What's her name?
- Lilliana.

Well...

Well, Lillianita,
she doesn't want to see that...

...before breakfast.

It's disgusting.

I said I'm sorry.

What else do you want me to do?

No, firstly, you haven't
said you are sorry, OK?

And secondly,
I wanna talk to her.

I want you to bring her
to the house.

- When?
- Today.

Today? Alright, fine, fine.

[STAMMERS]

- Really? Yes?
- Yeah.

- Today. Good. Yeah.
- Alright, cool.

[ROSA SCOFFS]

What? You wanna take
a picture? Take it!

I left Canada because Mum died.

You stayed because
you fell in love.

I didn't fall in love.

What happened to
turfing everything?

Well, what was Barbara, huh?
Just good friends?

She was Mum's nurse,
Mum's palliative care nurse.

Have you no shame?

I'm not gonna apologise
for wanting intimacy, Dom.

I was completely alone.

Hey, you two.

DOM: Oh, legend, you're here.

Angie, how did you...

I texted her. Yeah.

I said we need moral support.

Yeah, he said he was by himself.

And there they are.

Hello, sweet moral support.

ANGIE: So, how's it going?

Oh, what are those?

They're my baby teeth.
You want one?

Oh!

- [SNORTS, LAUGHS]
- [EDITH CLEARS THROAT]

Turns out Mum kept everything,

even Dom's terrible art.

ANGIE: Is that a portrait
of her?

That's Eddie Vedder.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, of course.

- EDITH: Uh-oh.
- What?

- Oh, nothing.
- Oh, what have you found?

Come on, show us.

Just my, uh, teen poetry.

Throw-away pile, obviously.

Why would she keep
all this stuff?

Well, turns out
you can't let go of the past

till the past is ready
to let go of you.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

What if she leaves
when she sees Vince is here?

We'll just say, "Sorry,

"we thought that he had
a night shift."

And when she sees
how off the rails he is,

it's not like she's gonna leave.

Oly, just because
Vince hooked up with someone

doesn't mean
he's off the rails, OK?

He's fine. Trust me.

- SANTI: Oh. Hello.
- Oh, hi.

OLY: Hi.

Um, did I hear you say
Vince was fine?

- Yeah.
- WOMAN: He's not.

But I fixed his dating profile,

so pretty soon,
he's gonna be banging every girl

in a 10-kay radius.

Best way to get over someone
is to...

...get under someone else.

Um, you're out of oat milk,
by the way.

Yeah, I know Vince pretty well.
He's fine.

He's not. And I don't blame him.

It sounds like his ex is
a real toxic narcissist.

- She's not.
- Do you wanna know what I think?

I think what's happened is,
a long time ago,

he got trapped in his identity
like a fly in amber

and maybe he doesn't want to
be that fly anymore.

Maybe he wants to be
selfish fly.

Maybe he wants to be
rebellious fly

or... sl*t fly.

You know?

[WOMAN SIGHS]

Do you want the rest of this?
I'm stuffed.

- I have to go to work.
- Me too.

Oh, what's the time?
I should probs head too.

I just had to wait for my ex

to get his tropical fish
out of my apartment.

Can one of you give me
a lift to the station?

Um...

- Yeah.
- LUCINDA: Yeah.

If you give
my boyfriend's T-shirt back,

- Husband.
- Oh.

[SIGHS] Sure.

I'll just...

I'm just gonna give that chair
a little wipe.

ANGIE: Hey.

It's funny.

You go your whole life
hating your mother and then...

And then when she's gone,
you realise...

[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! [LAUGHS]

[DOM LAUGHS]

Do you know what these numbers
mean? Six years of my life!

- Oh.
- Six years. [LAUGHS]

I'm calling Boz.

Hey, Boz, Boz, Boz!

BOWIE: Hey, Dad,
I'm about to go into class.

- Can I call you back?
- I've got some good news.

Nah, scrap that.
I've got some great news.

- Yeah?
- Get a pen, write this down.

- Ready?
- OK, go.

F-D-20-21-C-1...

- It's the crypto money.
- Yeah, yeah, I've got it.

- I found it, mate.
- Found what?

- Well, this. This book.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, what's...

No, listen, this book,
I lent it to Mum, yeah?

She never returns it.

She moved to Canada,
then dies, OK?

Ever since then,

it's been locked up
in this storage until now

and I just found it.

Dad, Dad, I'm at work,

so you're really gonna
have to pick up the pace.

It's the Bitcoin!
The bloody Bitcoin, Boz!

Are you serious?

We're rich!

- [LAUGHS]
- Rich! We're rich as thieves!

Yeah, I know! I know.

- I know.
- Dad... Dad, that's really...

- Anyway, gotta go.
- Dad...

Gotta go dredge up some demons

we've been spending years
trying to suppress.

- Oh!
- [ENDS VIDEO CALL]

This is great news! I...

EDITH: So, how much are those
crypto coins on the card worth?

Oh, it depends on the markets,

but for all we know,
could have gone to the moon.

Huh?

So, does this mean
that you're not gonna stay

and help me with all this?

No, of course not! I'm...

I've done most of the work.

EDITH: Mm. Mm.

- Go.
- You sure?

Yeah, go on.
We may as well pack up.

- We've done a lot of work.
- ANGIE: No, let's stay.

- We're on a roll.
- EDITH: Really?

ANGIE: Yeah,
let's just keep going.

OK.

Congratulations, Dom.

Oh...

- You sure?
- Yes.

- Thank you.
- [EDITH CHUCKLES]

'Bye.

[LAUGHS ENTHUSIASTICALLY]

Why do I have to be here?
I didn't send the d*ck pic.

When did people start
doing that? Huh?

What happened to sending flowers
or a beautiful letter?

You have to talk to him
about this stuff.

And if these are the kind of
pictures he's sending,

what else is he doing?

Gabriel, you talk to him!

What? No. Why? I'm not his dad
or his stepdad.

And this poor girl. No.

God knows what pressures
he's putting on her.

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [CLEARS THROAT]

SEB: Hey. This is Lilliana.

Lilliana, this is everybody.

HECTOR: Hi.

- ROSA: Hi.
- GABRIEL: Hey.

Hi. Nice to meet you.

[SPEAKS SPANISH]

Seb said you love to drink, so...

[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]

How nice.

Um, would you like to join us?

No, thanks.

Um, I wanna see you room, so...

[GIGGLES]

Bernardita made alfajores,
so I just thought...

Um, thank you. I'll take one of
these guys for the road.

- Let's go.
- OK!

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

OK, so, you really
pissed that guy off.

Which guy?

How many people
have you pissed off today?

Right, his baby's not gonna
come here for another hour.

I don't know why
he's yelling at me.

It's not gonna speed anything
up, you know what I mean?

Right.

Well, he said you were
swiping through dating apps

instead of looking after
his wife.

[SIGHS]

- He's stressing her out.
- Mm.

She's the one
doing all the work.

Wait. Uh, I thought
you were dating someone. Reeva.

Oh, my God, it's fine. OK?

- OK.
- Everyone needs to relax.

Oh! I'm relaxed.

[GIGGLES]

But I do think
you should probably start

paying more attention to what's
happening right in front of you.

[BABY CRIES NEARBY]

So, you're single?

Yep.

And we've got, oh...

...a whole hour to spare.

Yeah.

Hi. I just thought that
you might want some tea.

Sebastian, give us a minute.

Mum, no.

Sebastian...

[EXHALES]

Lilliana. [GIGGLES]

It's lovely to finally meet you.
Hmm?

Sebastian has been
keeping you a secret.

Really? That's random.

I'll over his Instagram page.

Oh, sorry, not his finsta.
Like, his real Instagram.

OK.

Um...

You're young

and you are figuring out
how relationships work.

And it can be challenging,

but I just want to
make sure that...

...nobody's uncomfortable
with anything.

Mm.

It's OK. [CHUCKLES]

I remember how teenage boys are

and they only want one thing,

so you just have to tell him...

...that you're not ready.

For what, exactly?

Sex.

We all saw that picture
he sent you.

Oh, no, we do that all the time.
That's, like, our thing.

The... the problem is that
he won't go down on me

and that's only way I can come,

so I know it doesn't
sound like a big deal,

but I've asked him to before
and he won't.

OK! OK!

[GRUNTS AWKWARDLY]

Slow down! No.

You're having sex with my son.
She's 15.

So am I.

No, no, no, no.

What do you mean, no?

We're not having any more

unplanned pregnancies

in his house, OK?

As if. I have an IUD.

Dios mio bendito!

Did that boy give you an IUD?!

I think you're thinking
about an STI. No.

Um, there's no babies
happening here, OK?

Not until
I'm at least... your age.

Unless... Have you
gone through menopause?

Here's the thing -
I really like your son.

You've raised the sweetest,
cutest guy out there, honestly.

It's just one little problem
I can't get over.

Well, we've, um...

We've, um, made it worse.

[EDITH LAUGHS]

What's... what's that?

For someone who withheld love,

Mum sure had
a lot of romance novels.

Oh.

- I hate throwing away books.
- Well, why don't we...

Oh, we could take them to the
little neighbourhood library.

You know, the community one
down the street.

- Good idea.
- But wait!

Before we do that...

...may I?

Oh, no, no. Nup.

The teenage diary. Yes! [LAUGHS]

[READS] "My heart sobs

"She looks at me

"I wince in pain

"She is the windmill
I am the grain

"My soul cries out in agony

"I am the lighthouse
She is the sea

"My heart sobs,
'Help me, please,'

"'I am the rat...'"

[BOTH LAUGH]

"'And she is the cheese.'"

Stop! Give it back!
Give it back!

- It's going in the bin.
- Are you a rat?

Ow.

Don't you throw that away.
That's... gold.

[ANGIE SIGHS]

[BREEZY POP MUSIC]

[BREEZY POP MUSIC CONTINUES]

[BREEZY POP MUSIC CONTINUES]

- [BREEZY POP MUSIC CONTINUES]
- [BOTH SPEAK INAUDIBLY]

Hey, you, wait a minute!

Where the hell were you?

I was there when
I needed to be, mate.

No, you weren't.
My wife was f*cking crowning.

I pressed the button
a million times.

- I was busy.
- Yeah, I could see that.

You two really had your hands
full in that storeroom!

Shouldn't you be with your wife?

You were supposed to be
with my wife, helping her.

Isn't that your one job?

- Go get a lawyer and sue me.
- I am a lawyer.

You know what you're gonna be
pretty soon? Unemployed.

You f*cked up today, mate,

and if you think we're gonna
let it slide, you're an idiot.

You work for us, remember?

Hey, hey, hey!
Don't listen to that guy.

- Wait. Where are you going?
- I'm going home.

OK, but you...

Can you just... not,
please, Van?

Fine.

[SIGHS]

- [MUSIC PLAYS SOFTLY]
- [HUMS ALONG]

[PHONE CHIMES]

- Oh, no.
- SANTI: What's wrong?

Reema's not coming.
She's got a migraine.

I didn't think
Reema gets migraines.

Yeah, she doesn't.

SANTI: Well, there goes our
genius romantic plan...

To have a romantic dinner
with Vince.

Hey, uce. You're here early.
What's doin'?

Yeah. Uh, nothing.

Vince.

[SOMBRE MUSIC]

SANTI: Hey, bro, you alright?

Yeah, bro.

SANTI: Dinner's gonna be ready
in about an hour, man.

Yeah, it's all good, bro.
I-I-I ate at work, yeah?

- SANTI: Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[SOBS]

[SCREAMS]

[PANTS]

Come on.

Stop it, man. Stop!

Stop.

Stop it.

And they say every time, "You
know, we want something special,

"something unique, something
different for our first dance?"

And I go, "Great! How about
Etta James or Nina Simone?

And then they go, "You know,
we're thinking Ed Sheeran,"

every single time.

Amor...

[BOTH SPEAK SPANISH]

[SIGHS] I'm sending a text
to my son

that I never thought I'd send.

Is it worse than a d*ck pic?

So much worse.

What are you saying to him?

[SIGHS]

I'm just explaining that

no son of mine
will be a selfish partner

and then if he wants to
live in my house...

...he has to go down on
his girlfriend.

[ROSA TYPES SLOWLY]

Oh.

[HECTOR CHUCKLES]

- f*cking hell, man.
- What's going on?

It's just, um...

Is that a fox being railed by...

- A wolf.
- ...a wolf.

Yeah. See?

Oh, I can see.
Why are they so, um, engorged?

Well, um, I think the idea
is that they're in love.

And that wolf is paying Santi
a lot of money.

All for the price
of my integrity.

What's cooking?
You having a dinner party?

Yeah.

- We were.
- Who's coming?

- SANTI: No-one.
- You!

- Oh, I am?
- Yeah, you're coming.

Mwah!

- Hey, baby JJ.
- Oh, hi, Dum-Dum.

- How you doing?
- Good.

- Hey, um...
- Wait, is this seasoning?

Did Boz tell you I found
the Bitcoin card?

- SANTI: Have you seasoned it?
- OLY: Uh, no.

And, uh, I mean,
it's not a million bucks,

but it's not nothing either.

That's great. Can you pass
that to me when you're done?

Yep.

JACINDA: They're not listening
to you.

No, no, they're not.
But that's fine, you know?

People often put their
own personal needs ab...

Where is my favourite
Moroccan wineglass?

OLY: Sorry, Dad. We're... we're
worried about Vince.

- DOM: Here it is.
- OLY: Is he still in his room?

SANTI: Uh, yeah, should be.

Oh, yeah, I wouldn't
get involved if I was you.

I mean, I know for a fact
that Angie wants Edith back

and I know for a fact
that Edith wants Angie back,

but at the end of the day,
not my problem.

SANTI: But if Vince and Reema
are supposed to be together,

shouldn't we be helping them?

Oh, yeah, but nothing

anyone can do
about that sort of stuff.

My advice - remember where you
put your Bitcoin cards, hm?

And if people
are meant to be together,

well, they will be together.

- Like a fox and a wolf?
- [LAUGHS]

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

Um, so, how long have
you been in... advertising?

Marketing.

- Ah.
- [CHUCKLES WEAKLY]

Marketing.

What?

You just seem -
I don't know -

a bit not really here.

- You're not feeling it?
- I didn't say that.

What are you saying, then?

It's just in your profile,

you seem like a nice guy.

[VINCE CHUCKLES]

I'm sorry.

sh*t, I am so sorry.

Um...

Look, I thought I was ready
for this kind of thing,

but I, um...

I should just...

SONG: ♪ I'm not great
and I hate that I can't say it

♪ Do I fake it until
the day I make it?

♪ Oh

♪ So wake me up
You will see

♪ The paradise won't k*ll me

♪ No

♪ Wake me up and we'll see

♪ It's only
a matter of time.... ♪

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATION]

♪ How long will it take
for my silence to break?

♪ 'Cause it's holding me down

♪ While its hands cover
both of my eyes

♪ It's only a matter of time

♪ I long for a day
I can look at my face

♪ Without seeing the pain

♪ Try to hide
all that I sacrificed

♪ It's only a matter of time

♪ It's only
a matter of time... ♪

♪ ..that I can't say it

♪ ..until the day I make it

♪ Look to me and I'll answer

♪ All your questions

♪ Don't look around or they'll
know that you're distracted... ♪