Tiny Toon Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation (1992)

[bunniefuu]

BOTH [SINGING]:
We're waiting for the clock to strike 3

When it's 3:00, we'll be free

Then it's adiós, Looniversity

ALL:
Summertime is coming finally

[TICKING]

Say goodbye to teachers and books

See you in September, you schnooks

All summer long, we'll be free

Come on, stupid clock, please strike 3

In the summer, I will get a golden tan

I will goof off every second that I can

During summer break, I'll see the sights

I will get a kitty and squeeze him tight

I shall find the skunk hunk of my dreams

Wanna hug that kitty till he screams

Summer is the time to hang
With your best friends

Our one wish
Is that the summer never ends

We have all been waiting patiently

Waiting for the clock to set us free

We beg for summer on bended knee

Come on, stupid clock, please strike 3

Strike one, strike two

Strike three

[RINGING]

You're out!

Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

[ALL CHEERING]

[SINGING] We almost went loony
From counting days till Juney

Now this afternoony
Summertime is here

A three-month vacation

ALL:
For kids across the nation

Whatever your location

It's the best time of the year

Visit Acme Acres
For a cooldown in the sun

Beat the heat, it's a treat
Lunch for everyone

We're tiny, we're toony
We're all a little loony

It's Tiny Toon Adventures
With some summer fun

Now the video's begun

PLUCKY:
Ah, vacation.

Three months of glorious
nonconstructive downtime.

Now, if you ask real nice, Hammy,
I'll consider letting you hang out with me.

- Gee, that's nice of you, Plucky, but...
- Now, what will we do first? The beach?

[PLUCKY GASPS]

Camping?

[BEAR GROWLING]

[PLUCKY SCREAMS & HAMTON GULPS]

Or shall we simply veg
the whole 12 weeks away...

...in front of the boob tube?

-[SINGING] We're tiny
-We're toony

We're all a little...

But, Plucky,
I'm going out of town this summer.

Huh?

HAMTON:
My folks are taking me to Happy World Land.

Happy World Land?

Not the happiest place,
go on all the rides till you barf...

...fun for kids of all ages
Happy World Land?

- Uh, yeah.
- Gasp and drool.

That's every duckling's dream.

WADE:
Ha, ha. Oh, Hamton.

Hurry up, son. Ha, ha.

We're all raring to go.

- HAMTON: Okay, Dad.
- No.

[GRUNTS]

I'll send you a postcard.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

So long. Have a nice summer.

PLUCKY:
Happy World Land?

CLOWNS:
Ha, ha, you can't go.

Ha, ha, you can't go.

Ha, ha, you can't go.

Mwah.

CLOWNS:
Ha!

WADE:
Anyone have to use the powder room? Ha, ha.

WINNIE: No, dear.
HAMTON: No, Dad.

All right, then.

[ENGINE REVVING]

Bye, Plucky.

There he goes.

My best pal,
off on the dream vacation of a lifetime...

...while I sit here and rot alone.

WINNIE:
Oops. Dropped the toilet paper.

We'll see who gets left behind.

[WADE HUMMING
"POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

WADE [SINGING]:
Pop goes the weasel

Are you buckled in all nice and tight,
Hammy, hon?

[IN MUFFLED VOICE]
Yes, Mom.

And Uncle Stinky is ready to roll too.

[BELCHING]

[WADE HUMMING
"POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

[SINGING]
Pop goes the weasel

Oh, look, honey,
Old Bessie's about to hit 100,000 miles.

We have to record this for posterity.

[CHUCKLES]

[BELL TOLLING]

ALL:
Hooray!

Whoops. Ha, ha.

Forgot to take off the lens cap.

WINNIE & HAMTON: Aw.
WADE: Ah, we'll back up and do it again.

[GRUNTS]

ALL:
Hooray!

I think the left front
tire is a little low.

Aha.

Why, Plucky,
did you want to come on our trip too?

No, no. No, ma'am.

I'll just spend my summer here,
alone and forgotten.

[SOBBING]

Gee, Dad, can't we take Plucky with us?

Oh, please, please, please.

[WADE LAUGHS]

Why, sure.

You can sit next to Hamton
and Uncle Stinky.

Yay! Welcome aboard, Plucky.

Hi, Hammy.

[PLUCKY SNIFFING]

[STINKY GRUNTING]

Put her there, Uncle...

[SNIFFING]

[GROANS]

WADE: Alrighty rainy roo,
next stop, Happy World Land.

ALL:
Yay!

[SINGING] Oh, the sun shines bright
On Babsy Bunny's heart

It's time to apply zinc oxide

[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Here's the world-famous
Babs Bunny starting her vacation.

She has her fabulous beach chair...

...her state-of-the-art sound system...

...and her fabulous view
of the French Riviera.

Ah.

How does she do it?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It's a toon thing.

Ah.

Roasting in the sun.

What a catastrophe it would be
if it all suddenly came to an end.

[WHISTLES]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

[BABY CRYING]

MOTHER:
Buster Bunny...

...don't you dare squirt Babs
with that water p*stol inside the burrow.

That kind of thing is for outside play.

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

Aha.

Over here, Barbara Anne Bunny.

BABS:
Don't call me that!

[SCREAMS]

[SCREAMS]

Do your ears look better dry or wet?

[SCREAMS]

One more time.

Kick and breathe and kick and breathe.

[SNORES]

You're not gonna learn anything
floating at the bottom of the pool.

Gangway. Coming through. Pardon me.

BABS:
Oh, great. Just what I need.

Hey, Miss Bunny-Head-Head,
that's my baby kitty poolie-woolie.

I want it.

You want it?

I do, I do, I do!

BABS:
It's all yours, sister.

[CAT SCREECHES]

Come back!

We've got skydiving lessons at 4!

BABS: I'll get even with Buster
if it's the last thing I do.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

[CONTINUES LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Water! Water! Water!

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Perhaps I've gone too far.

But Buster will get drenched for sure.

I wouldn't say that.

[GROWLS]

BUSTER:
Ha, ha. And now for the coup de grâcey.

[SNORES]

[YAWNS]

[SNORES]

Now, where'd he get to?

[GASPS]

I do this water thing to Babsy
throughout the entire video.

Uncle?

Uncle.

Something's on my foot.

[SCREAMS]

It's the creeping unknown!

It's not of this earth!

Buster, you've got to save my foot.

It's my lucky rabbit's foot.

It's Byron.

BABS:
Who knew?

- So how do we stop this thing?
- We don't.

BABS:
So long, Acme Acres.

BUSTER:
Hello, adventure.

Mondo distress signal.
Buster and Babs are, like, in peril.

I'd rescue them
if I didn't have this summerjob.

Hey, Shirley.

How's about going
to the dadgum movies with me?

Like, go bowl for dollars.

[ALL CHATTERING]

Huh?

[ALL GROAN]

[ALL GROAN]

All my life, I have had but one dream.

To meet Johnny Pew,
le skunk movie star of my dreams.

Hmm. Let me get a clear look at your aura.

I'm getting something.

Johnny Pew is heading
toward the Acme Resort Hotel.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

FIFl:
I am coming to you.

Come on, Shirl.
Let's take in a dadgum flick.

Not now.

[CRYING]

Why the bummer vibes, Dizzy?

In summer, Dizzy shed.

If Dizzy spin, Dizzy be naked.

You need to get in touch
with your feelings, Diz.

Don't deny your inner self.

Spin for the sheerjoy of spinning.

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHING]

Check out the dude in the box.

Must be the new trend.

New trend? How very.

The box look is in.

SKATER:
Way in.

FOWLMOUTH: You just gotta go to the
dadgum movies with me, Shirl. Please?

Oh, all right.

See, the girls just can't dadgum resist me.

[SHIRLEY SIGHS]

[DIZZY SCREAMS]

PIGS [SINGING]: Sixty-seven bottles
Of nonalcoholic beverage on the wall

Sixty-seven bottles
Of nonalcoholic beverage

If one of these bottles
should happen to fall

Sixty-six bottles
Of nonalcoholic beverage on the wall

Sixty-six bottles of nonalcoholic beverage
On the wall

Sixty-six bottles...

Sheesh. The von Trapp family, they ain't.

Uh, call me picky, but isn't that song actually
"A hundred bottles of beer on the wall"?

We don't drink in our family, Plucky.

Uh, hey, is it just me
or is it hot in here?

How about a little a.c., huh?

Air conditioning wastes gas.
I'll just crack a window.

Don't you dare, Wade. People will think
we can't afford air conditioning.

[WADE HUMMING
"POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

[SINGING]
Pop goes the weasel

[CHUCKLES]

Say, Dad, you know anything else?

Like, uh, I don't know, "Old MacDonald"?

[HUMMING "OLD MacDONALD"]

[SINGING]
Pop goes the weasel

[WADE CHUCKLES & PLUCKY GROANS]

Well, at least a refreshing
summer shower has sprung up.

Ah.

[GARGLES]

[QUACKING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

I stand corrected.

PLUCKY: Are we anywhere
remotely near Happy World Land yet?

No. But if you're bored,
we can always play...

Spot the Car. Spot the Car.

Ha, ha... Spot the Car.

Whoopee!

Oh, you mean, like, spot the red cars
or the cars with out-of-state plates, huh?

No, any car.

WADE:
Here they come.

PIGS:
There's a car. There's a car.

There's a car. There's a car.

There's a car. There's a car.

[PIGS LAUGHING]

- Fun game.
- Look, look, here comes some more.

PIGS: There's a car.
There's a car. There's a car.

There's a...

Whoops.

Truck.

[PIGS LAUGHING]

- sh**t me.
- Ooh, a tunnel.

Everybody hold your breath
in the tunnel and make a wish.

How childish.

If you hold your breath the whole time,
your wish will come true.

I wish I was in Happy World Land.
I wish I was in Happy World Land.

I wish I was in Happy World Land.

I wish I was in Happy World Land.

I can't make it.

[YELPING]

I miss school.

[PIGS LAUGHING]

Oh, I love that game.

[PANTING]

Gee, Plucky,
I guess you didn't get your wish.

Yeah. Hey, neither did you guys.

Sure we did.

We made the same wish we always do.

ALL: To be a happy and loving family
forever and ever.

Oh, rapture. Oh, pure joy.

Oh, for the love of Norman Rockwell
and "The Letterman."

[STINKY GRUNTING]

Hey, the game's over, Uncle Stin...

...ky.

Speak to me, Plucky.

Auntie Em, is that you?

You know, Buster, I think we've gone
far enough down this river.

Oh, relax.
Enjoy the gentle lapping of the water...

...the carefree croaking of the frogs...

...the quiet whispering of the wind
through your ears.

BABS:
The scary possum kid plucking the banjo.

[PLAYING "OLD FOLKS AT HOME"]

BUSTER: Don't worry, Babs.
He's just trying to communicate.

After all, music is the universal language.

Hmm. His music does have
a certain rustic je ne sais quoi...

...romantic charm...

...if you know what I mean.

[BUSTER STAMMERING]

Humma, humma, humma...

Why, Buster Bunny, are you falling for me?

BUSTER:
You might say that.

- I got you. I got you.
- But who's got you?

[BABS SCREAMING]

SUPERMAN:
I do, kids.

Hey, pal, this is our story.

Yeah, get your own video.

It's your call.

[BABS SCREAMING]

ALL [SINGING]:
Beneath the ocean

Beneath the ocean

We make big commotion
Beneath the ocean

[BURBLES]

Wrong cartoon.

[CRACKS]

Babs?

You okay, Babsy?

Hey, Babs, come on, wake up.

You splash me one more time,
blue ears, and I'Il...

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

Shh, shh. What's that?

[LEAVES RUSTLING]

BABS: Okay, we're obviously outnumbered.
We'll just quietly retreat.

[BABS & BUSTER SCREAM]

[PLAYING "OLD FOLKS AT HOME"]

Oh, look, it's our pal from the bridge.

These must be his kinfolk.

Howdy, Buster and Babs Bunny here.
No relation.

[GROWLING]

Aren't they the happy little chatterboxes?

Good evening, ladies.

Look, they want us to stay for dinner.

For dinner or as dinner?

BUSTER:
Relax, Babs. Don't be so judgmental.

These are good, salt-of-the-earth folk.

That's what scares me.

We can still relate to each other.

[MIMICKING BANJO TWANGING]

[PLAYING SAME TUNE]

[BABS SCREAMS]

[BOTH PLAYING
"TINY TOON ADVENTURES" THEME]

[BABS SCREAMS]

[BABS SCREAMS]

Buster!

[GIGGLING]

BABS:
Come on.

We were really cooking.

You are really so alert.

[CAT SCREECHING]

Come back, kitty, you'll get a sunburn.

FIFl:
Le sigh. The Acme Resort Hotel.

Johnny Pew is in there somewhere.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[GRUNTS]

Yes? How may I help you?

I am here to get Johnny Pew's autograph.

He is my favorite movie-star skunk hunk.

[GRUNTS]

This may be a bit more difficult
than I imagined.

Hello, Mr. Leno,
would you like me to check your chin?

[IN BROOKLYN ACCENT]
Where is my client? I must see my client.

Can I help you, madam?

I am Michelle Lovitz, Johnny Pew's agent.

And I need to see my client right away.

Really? How very interesting.

Uh, right this way.

Now, then,
you both claim to be Michelle Lovitz.

Will the real Michelle Lovitz
please stand up?

[SQUEAKS]

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
It isn't over till the fat lady sings.

WOMAN [SINGING]:
O'er the land of the free

And the home of the brave

[SOBBING]
Le boo, le boo, le boo.

I will never get his autograph.

Who's the delivery for?

Eh, some Hollywood hotshot in the hotel.

- Where to?
- Up on 11.

[HUMMING SULTRY TUNE]

Viva la success.

LETTERMAN:
Grub is here.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

When I ordered room service,
I was hoping they'd send up another room.

[McMAHON & AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Oprah, what kind of tree are you?

Well, girlfriend, I'm a weeping willow.

[SOBBING]

AUDIENCE:
Aw.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

So, what's with the hair?

Hey, let's get busy.

[HOOTING]

Oh, my, we're having some fun now.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

[PLAYS RIMSHOT]

Le sob.

Le really big sob.

Le boo-hoo.

[SOBS AND SNIFFS]

Ugh. Blow your nose.

[SPEAKS IN FRENCH]

Johnny!

You!

[JOHNNY GRUNTS]

Ah! Could I have your autograph?

Uh, I don't have a pen.

Got to have a pen.

Oh, please.

[FIFI WHIMPERING]

[SOBBING]

Sob.

Hey, relax, babe. We'll find one.

Come on.

I would die for you.

JOHNNY: I know, but that won't be
necessary. You can just carry my stuff.

Oh, somebody, pinch me.

Wait for me, Johnny.

PLUCKY:
Say, how about some grub?

WINNIE:
Ooh, good idea.

Mm. Yum.

Mayo and cream cheese on white
with the crusts cut off.

My favorite.

They bring their own food to the drive-in.

I don't believe this family.

That's five waters to go.

Are you sure you don't want anything else?

Why, yes. I'd like ajumbo cheeseburger,
chili fries, a cherry pie... Unh.

Thanks, miss. We're fine.

[STINKY BELCHES]

Well, if I can't stuff my face,
I'll feed my intellect.

Comic books.

Look, Hammy,
here's the cream of my collection.

A pristine, mint-condition first printing
of lmmature Radioactive Samurai Slugs.

Number one.

Oh, now, Plucky, we don't allow Hamton
to read comic books on family trips.

Sheesh.

Typical parents, convinced comics
will sap a kid's cerebellum.

HAMTON:
It's not that.

Reading in the car
always makes me, gulp, carsick.

[HAMTON GAGGING]

PLUCKY:
No, Hamton, not on the comic!

[VOMIT SPLASHES]

[PLUCKY SOBS]

BABS [SINGING]:
Veal parmigiana

Cream fettuccine

Ravioli

Clams with linguini

Hot pepperoni

Tasty spumoni

We haven't eaten in weeks.

[SINGING]
Veal parmigiana

Veal parmigiana

Babs, that song really put me in the mood.

- For what?
- Pizza. You got any money?

Thank you, Mr. Romance.

You know, Babsy, in this moonlight,
you look just like Morey Amsterdam.

Morey Amsterdam?!

Hey, look.

BABS [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]:
Well, shut my mouth wide open.

A Southern mansion.

Maybe we can ask them
how to get back to Acme Acres.

What's your rush? We just got here.

[IN TRANSYLVANIAN ACCENT] Nice place to
live if you've got a bolt through your neck.

Rope it in, Boris.
It's a romantic tradition of the South.

[IN SOUTHERN ACCENT] Beautiful homes,
refined gentlemen and delicate ladies.

ALLIGATORS:
Yes?

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Strike my last stereotype.

Well, look who's done come
to our Fourth of July soiree.

We must introduce ourselves.

BIG BOO: Look, he's got no pants.
ALLIGATORS: Ha-ha-ha.

I'm Big Boo. Unh.

I'm Sissy Boo. Unh.

And I'm Little Boo.

And who are you,
you pantless hunk of hair, you?

I'm out of here.

[BUSTER GRUNTS]

Well, skin me alive and call me luggage.

[SNIFFING]

What have we here?

A gentleman caller's
done come a-courting, Big Daddy Boo.

I'm not courting anyone.

Well, of course you're not, son.
Courting's over.

- It's time for the wedding.
- What?

Ooh. A Fourth of July wedding.

How romantical.

Now, which one of you
hasn't been married for a while?

Me, Big Daddy.

No, it's me.

Me. It's my turn.

Ha, ha. It's mine. Oof.

SISSY BOO:
Halt, lizard lips.

It's my turn.

No, it's mine.

Mine.

- Mine.
- Mine.

Now, simmer down, dumplings.

You'll all marry this one.

I'll get the wedding rings.

- SISSY BOO: I'll get the flowers.
- I'll get the oven ready.

I can't marry all three of them.
That's bigamy.

No. That's big of me.

[BABS CHUCKLES]

BABS [IN NORMAL VOICE]: This will teach Buster
a thing or two about starting water fights.

[BYRON SNORING]

Shh. Take a break. I'll handle this.

Now, I just need a plan.

Well, a shack full of fireworks.

Isn't that convenient?

"Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...

...to join this rabbit and this...

Uh, these gatorettes in, uh..."

Zubba, zubba, zub. Blah, blah, blah.
Yada, yada, yada.

So on, so on, so forth.

I always cry at weddings.

[BUSTER SOBBING]

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

"And if anybody here thinks these three
or four young ones shouldn't get hitched...

...let them speak now
or forever hold their peace."

BABS [IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]:
Hold it right there.

Hello. Glad to meet you.

I am Chuck B. Charlatan
from the Acme Fireworks Company.

I hope I'm not interrupting anything.

Well, a wedding.

You are in luck.

This month's special
is a variety of wedding fireworks.

[ALLIGATORS CHEERING]

Fireworks!

Well, I don't know.

I am authorized
by the Acme Fireworks Company...

...to offer you, at no charge whatsoever,
a free fireworks demonstration.

Nice dress. Make it yourself?
Here you go. Greetings, Godzilla.

Looking kind of peaked there, son.

You took long enough.

I was enjoying watching you sweat.

We got snappers and bangers
and poppers and crackers.

We got them Roman candles,
yucky curly snaky things...

...and the little spinny whirlibobs
that never work.

[YELLS]

[BABS LAUGHS]

Are you married? Hmm?

Sure am.

Meet the missus.

Woof.

[BYRON SNORING]

[BABS SIGHS]

If you'll just step this
way for a ringside seat.

No need to shove.
Plenty of room for everyone.

Well, don't let me interrupt
the blessed event.

Goodbye, good luck, and bon voyagey.

SISSY BOO: Goodbye!
BIG DADDY: Bye-bye!

Huh?

ALLIGATORS:
Hey!

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Happy Independence Day.

And as Ben Franklin
once said, "Let's bolt."

Thanks. I owe you one.

Oh, are we gonna start counting now?

[GROWLS]

ELMYRA:
Why my kitty ran away?

I want a kitty-witty head.

MAN [OVER PA]:
Welcome to Wild Safari Zoo.

For your safety, please make sure
that your doors and windows...

...remain locked at all times.

Because, you know,
wild animals can be very, very dangerous.

ELMYRA:
Aminals?

Ooh, a kitty.
Or to be more precise, a cheetah.

Kitty, kitty, kitty.

MAN:
We hope you are enjoying Wild Safari Zoo.

May I repeat so that Warner Bros. won't
get sued if anyone really does this...

...do not get out of the car.

Bye-bye. I'll just die
if I don't get a kitty.

It's my obsession.

[SNORING]

I'm gonna start his motor.

You need a tune-up.

[CHEETAH SCREAMS]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTING]

Goodness.

My cheetah left me his pajamas.

[SINGING]
Ooh, looking good, baby

[GASPS]

[HUMMING
"DANCE OF THE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY"]

I'm in camouflagey.

[GASPS]

Baby kitties.

Aren't they adorable?

I wanna eat you up.

[ALL SCREECH]

ELMYRA:
This is no time for hide-and-seek.

Olly olly oxen free.

[CUB 1 WHIMPERS]

Got you.

[CUB 2 WHIMPERS]

Found you.

[CUB 3 WHIMPERS]

Ta-da.

I won.

And my prize is an armful of love.

[HUMMING "TINY TOON ADVENTURES"
THEME]

I'm gonna read you
all my favorite bedtime stories.

"There are many carnivorous animals
in the jungle."

Ooh.

I love carnivals.

"The lion preys on lesser animals
such as zebras."

[CUBS WHISPERING]

Ooh, ooh. Here's a pretty picture.

Look, Mr. Pretty-Faced-Gazelley.

That's you.

Kiss yourself. Kiss
yourself. Kiss yourself.

And the most feared predator
in the jungle is me.

[GIGGLES]

Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Aminals can be so capricious.

[SINGING] I love cats, I love kitties
Squeeze them into itty-bittys

Being in nature is so invinegarating.

[HUMMING "TINY TOON ADVENTURES"
THEME]

[GROWLS]

[CHEETAH SOBBING]

[CUBS WHIMPERING]

[SCREECHING]

[SOBBING]

[GROWLS]

ELMYRA:
Kitty cat.

Ready or not, here I come.

[ALL WHIMPERING]

Well, if it isn't the king of the jungle.

[ROARS]

You don't have to yell.
I know what you want.

You want a haircut.

[GROWLS]

[BUZZING]

There. Isn't that preferable?

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

Long hair is so retro.

Come back, you kitties.

WOMAN: Hey.
MAN: What are you doing?

I lose more kitties that way.

[HORN HONKING]

[YELLS]

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I'm a wilting waterfowl.

Can we please stop for a drink of water?

I'm starting to sweat almost
as much as Uncle Stinky.

I could stand a pit stop myself.

Let's suit up.

Suit up?

Commence restroom sterilization.

[GASPS]

Water.

[GRUNTS]

Darn sticky Naugahyde.

Oh, well, nice to feel
a draft again, anyway.

Now to wet my whistle.

WADE:
Ah. Nothing like a clean restroom.

Good heavens.
If you drink that much water...

...we'll be stopping again in no time.

[ENGINE REVS]

[GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERING]

WADE: How about some music, Winnie?
WINNIE: Ooh, lovely.

ELMER [ON RADIO]:
This is K-FUDD radio.

Restful rhythms for weary wayfarers.

[ELMER LAUGHS]

[EASY-LISTENING MUSIC PLAYING
ON RADIO]

This is sheer t*rture.

How long till we're at Happy World Land?

Maybe we could figure it out
on this road map.

Now, let's see.

Here's Acme Acres
and here's Happy World Land.

[STINKY LAUGHING]

And here's us,
smack in the middle of nowhere.

Now, if we proceed due east
along this frontage road...

...then hang a left at Beloit...

...and jog northwesterly along Route 647
for a couple of dozen parsecs...

...that will put us into Happy World Land
at, oh, roughly, April 6th, 2021.

WADE:
I know the way, Plucky. Thank you.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

Rick Dees in the morning...

...we nearly ran over that poor young man.

He looks as white as a sheet with fear.

The least we can do
is give him a ride to town.

[GULPS]

Hi there, young fellow. Need a lift?

Hamton, you squeeze in front
with Mom and me.

Okay.

[PLUCKY CHUCKLES]

Hello. Care for some
slightly moist reading material?

MAN [ON RADIO]:
News flash.

A psychotic k*ller has escaped
from the state maximum-security prison.

The raving maniac is described
as a lanky man...

...with scraggly hair
and a pasty complexion.

When last sighted, the homicidal fiend...

...was wearing a dirty baseball cap,
tattered overcoat and green high-tops.

Phew.

MAN:
Wait. I'm sorry. That's orange high-tops.

Mama. MAN: Doctors
report the slavering lunatic...

...has a psychotic aversion to pork.

In fact, exposure to any pig product...

...will cause him
to go screaming off the deep end.

If seen, please notify
the authorities at once.

Remember this important number: 555-9...

Honestly, there's so much sensationalism
in the media these days.

[LAUGHS]

HITCHHIKER:
Bacon. Pork chops.

[HITCHHIKER LAUGHS]

Hog jowls.

It's the... It's the... It's the...

Whew. Ee. Ay.

[SCREAMING]

No roughhousing in the car, Plucky.

[HITCHHIKER SLAVERING]

HITCHHIKER:
Spareribs.

Ham hocks.

Carnitas.

I'll send an SOS to my sweetheart, Shirley.

Yeah. Once she sees what a spot
we're in, she'll rush to our rescue.

[BEEPING]

Special delivery for Shirley the Loon.

- "Dear Shirley..."
- Come on, Shirl, it's dadgum movie time.

Mondo dragola.

I want a kitty. I want a kitty.

Will you sign my photo now?

Heh. Are you always so needy?

I've seen this flick a hundred
dadgum times, Shirl. You'll love it.

Oh, no, not you again.

Okay, you save the seats, Shirl.
I'll snag the dadgum snacks.

All right, move it, big
butt. Coming through.

Honey, what do you want?

Ha, ha. He called me honey. Let's see.

I'll have one giant dadgum popcorn,
two wieners, hold the dadgum mustard.

Hmm. Goobers or Raisinets?
Goobers or Raisinets?

Heh. Ain't that the eternal question?

Guess I'll never know the eternal answer.

Shirl! Shirl! Ah.

Pardon me. Gangway.

Excuse me, you walking area code.
Could you move your...?

Ow. Dadgum it. Excuse me. Ooh.

Dadgum it.

You rude dadgum. Hmm.

Cheap way to get snacks, though.

[SHIRLEY GAGS]

Lights are dimming!

Lights are dimming!

Guy, the sound-system promo.

[DRONING ON SCREEN]

ANNOUNCER [ON SCREEN]:
The audience is now deaf.

[GRUNTING]

Hello. Are we putting on a little weight,
n'est ce pas?

Popcorn pour vous.

Babe, take out the unpopped kernels, okay?
They'll chip my caps.

JOHNNY:
Shh. It's starting.

I'm Hezakaya Rya,
reporter for The Acme Gazette.

Oh, man, it's just some moronic commercial.

Writing is tough work...

[BUSTER & BABS SCREAMING]

...and sometimes I just need to relax,
so I come to this river.

Because even serious journalists
need to unwind.

FOWLMOUTH:
Quit your dadgum yakking!

ANNOUNCER:
No smoking cigarettes in the theater.

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

[MUTTERING]

[ADVENTUROUS MUSIC PLAYING]

FOWLMOUTH:
All right, Skunknophobia!

- Yahoo!
- AUDIENCE: Shh!

I've seen this a hundred times.
There's Horatio, the skunknophobe.

MAN:
Shh. Come on. Down in front.

Okay, look, Shirl,
Horatio is about to get a dadgum flat tire.

- Shh.
- "Shh" yourself!

[BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Okay, Horatio is
terrified of skunks, right?

Watch what happens when he gets out
to change his dadgum tire.

[SNIFFS]

Oh, no, a skunk.

[LAUGHING]

You think it's a real dadgum skunk.

- But it's only the stinky state trooper again.
- Grr.

- Fowlmouth, pipe down.
- See?

Only a dadgum state trooper.

[GROWLING]

Happy?

Ah. Nothing like cool, fresh well water.

FOWLMOUTH:
Look out, Horatio!

[HISSES]

That scene really scared me
the first time I saw it.

That's it. I'm moving.

- Don't forget to write.
- CROWD: Shh!

Oh, you just missed
the best part of the movie.

[CROWD GROWLS]

What do you mean
by talking through the movie?

[SCREAMS]

At this rate, we'll never get to my scene.

Then the crowd should thank me...

...you n0-talent, dadgum excuse
for a dadgum actress.

[ACTORS CHATTERING]

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, it's Johnny Pew.

Gee, may I have your autograph?

Ha, ha. Sure, babe.

Thanks.

That was my photograph.
I cannot believe you.

Yeah, well, I am pretty unbelievable. Heh.

You are nothing
but a selfish, worthless waste of skunk.

You, Monsieur Pew, stink!

[ALL CHEERING]

Ooh. I got myself a kitty.

Hello, my stinky kitty-head.
Say hello to Mommy Elmyra.

Oh, no!

Oh, yes.

I'm gonna change your diapers
and give you a bath...

...and even potty train you,
you stinky kitty-faced man.

[YAWNS THEN GRUNTS]

We're still downriver and I'm still soaked.

BUSTER: You know, you look kind of pretty
there standing in the rain.

I love the way the wind rustles
through your ears...

...and that shine the water makes
on your fur.

And your uncanny resemblance
to a drowned rat when you get drenched.

Drowned rat, huh? I'll show you.

Buster, this trip downriver
has been truly special.

Downright Twainian
in a Hitchcockian sort of way.

But I miss my family.

I miss performing.

I miss being dry!

I wanna go home to Acme Acres.

[STEAMBOAT WHISTLING]

BUSTER:
Maybe that steamboat will give us a lift.

Ahoy! Avast!

Uh, shiver me timbers
and all that nautical talk.

They don't see us.

BUSTER:
Jump!

Babs, grab the lifesaver!

Who can think of candy at a time like this?

Oh.

Are you okay?

Yeah. That was a close one, right, Byron?

[SNORING]

Well, what have we here? Stowaways?

I'm Captain Tupelo Toad.

Now, I don't cotton to stowaways
aboard my good ship Delta Burke.

Call me kooky,
but that sounds like a song cue to me.

[SINGING]
On the good ship Delta Burke

Rope it in, kooky.

That little lady is just what we need
for our big show.

- Show? Did you say show?
- Uh, thanks...

...but Babsy here is anxious
to get home to Acme Acres.

Ah, Ricky, I wanna be in the show.

I think we can make some sort of deal here.

HITCHHIKER:
I hate duck too.

[SCREAMS]

PLUCKY:
Dad. Oh, Dad. Wade. Mr. Pig.

[SCREAMING]

This is as far as we go, son.

HITCHHIKER: Where's the
duck? Here duckie, duckie, duckie.

Now, remember,
if you're ever in Acme Acres...

...drop by and we'll chew the fat. Ha, ha.

Little pig joke there.

Hasta lumbago.

Die, piggy swine!

Such a nice young man.

Real straight-arrow type.

Did you have a nice talk
with our guest, Plucky?

[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]

Plucky? Wake up. We're almost there.

- Heaven?
- Not quite.

But it's the next best thing.

Happy World Land.

Happy World Land? We made it!

Whoopee! Yahoo! Mwah, mwah, mwah.

WADE:
Everybody smile.

WINNIE:
Have you ever seen such a big parking lot?

PLUCKY:
Ooh.

I'm gonna go on every
ride till I barf twice.

Now, hold your horses, Plucky.

We've got to capture this Kodak moment.

Excuse me, young man.

Would you mind getting a few pictures
of the family?

Uh, yeah. Um, yeah. Um...

[MUMBLING]

Hold it. We're forgetting our happy caps.
Okay.

[MUMBLING]

WORKER: Cheese.
ALL: Cheese.

WADE:
Thanks.

Uh, don't mention it.

[ON SPEAKERS]
Happy World Land

Happy World Land

Where the fun doesn't stop
At only 80 bucks a pop

In beautiful Happy World Land

HAMTON:
Come on, Plucky.

PLUCKY:
Hey! Wait for me!

HAMTON:
The monorail will take us to the park.

Welcome to a land
Where the fun never stops

We have six thrill rides and 400 gift shops

The smiles are always rosy
The sky is always blue

This is Happy World Land
Where all your dreams come true

Look, Hamton, it's the legendary
Happy Go Pukey ride.

[ALL CHEERING]

[ALL RETCH]

PLUCKY:
There's Happy Feet.

[ALL SCREAMING]

How about a spin on the Gargle?

[GARGLING]

Oh, joy! The Happy Crasher!

[ALL SCREAMING]

PLUCKY:
Jeez, the Happy Centrifuge.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[ALL GROANING]

Look, Hammy, there's Slap-Happy Fun.

OPERATOR:
Belt up, everyone.

HAMTON:
Golly, the Stairway to Heaven.

PLUCKY:
Check this out. The b*llet Train to Heck.

Let's stay here a week. No, two weeks.

Heck, let's stay the whole month.

Well, ha, ha, that was fun.

- I'll say. Now, let's go home.
- Okay, Mom.

[STAMMERS]
But we didn't do anything.

All we did was ride around
on the monorail.

Don't wanna overdo
it the first visit, Plucky.

Think what we'll have to look forward to
the next time.

What? But we didn't...
We came all that way.

Don't we even...? Rides. Fun. Pixies.

Happy Go Pukey.

Oh, dear, it looks like Plucky's had
way too much excitement for one trip.

- Put him in back, Hamton.
- Okay, Dad.

[SINGING]
Happy World Land

Happy World Land

Where all your dreams come true

[ORCHESTRA PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

The Delta Burke's
Floating Dinner Theater...

...is delighted to present
two deliciously talented young rabbits...

[DRUMROLL]

...uh, Buster and Babs Bunny!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

We're here.

Hi, fun seekers. You know,
Babsy and I thought it would be fun...

...to tell you how we spent
our summer vacation riding down the river.

Hey!

[SINGING]
And we were rowin', rowin'

Rowin'down the river

Rowin', rowin'

Rowan and Martin

These are the jokes, folks.

Feel free to laugh any time, or not.

Babs. Ahem.

- Hello?
- I'm trying to talk to the folks here.

- I'm done.
- Positive?

- Check.
- Honest?

- You betcha.
- Okay.

[SINGING] I met my little bright-eyed doll
Down by the riverside

That's it. I have had it.

I am trying to talk to the people here,
and all the time you keep interrupting...

...with your dumb songs and comments
and shtick and I don't know what else.

I don't know why I put up with this.
All I am trying to do...

...is tell one simple story.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Is that so much to ask?

- Are you done?
- I guess.

- Sure?
- Yeah.

Good. So Buster and I decided to spend
our whole summer going down the river.

It was lots of fun at first but...

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING]

[ORCHESTRA PLAYS FLOURISH]

Thank you.

Sounds like a terrific audience.

A lot nicer than some of the creeps
we met on this trip.

You said it. Let's turn up the house lights
and get to know each other better.

Lookie, girls, it's our beau with no pants.

Yoo-hoo!

- Possums.
- Gators.

- Dinner theater.
- Main course.

- Options? Bolt.
- One. Bingo.

BABS: Ready?
BUSTER: Go!

Dinner.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

CROWD:
Food.

Boy, set a paw out of Acme Acres
and you're meat on the table.

BABS:
We're trapped.

[BABS SCREAMS]

So where's Superman when you need him?

[GROWLS]

Woof.

BUSTER:
Hey, Byron can fly.

BABS:
Who knew?

First one to find them
gets to chow down on the good parts.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Welsh rabbit.

Oh, no, one of those possums.

Oh, sh**t. Don't fret none, missy.

I ain't like my simple backwoods cousins.

I'd never eat a guy
who could play his face.

See, Babsy, I told you music
was the universal language.

And here I thought it was Esperanto.

[CHAINSAW BUZZING]

BIG BOO:
Don't let them get away!

Don't look now, Babsy.

Bunny burgers.

[BABS SCREAMS]

[WADE HUMMING
"POP GOES THE WEASEL"]

WADE [SINGING]:
Pop goes the weasel

Guess what, we're home.

Yes! Yes!

Woof, woof, woof!

Home, sweet home.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

Mwah, mwah, mwah. Ew.

Land, h*.

Mwah, mwah, mwah.

The sweet taste of my home turf. Mwah.

WADE: Careful, Plucky, we
just had the lawn fertilized.

Bleh.

Tongue joke number 10.

So long, sayonara, and good riddance.

At least I'll never
have to live through that again.

Hold on there, Plucky.

You haven't seen the
slide show of our trip.

Slide show?

WINNIE: Ooh, there's that bathroom
at that motel we stayed at in Yorba Linda.

HAMTON:
It was so clean.

[STINKY GRUNTING]

WINNIE:
There's that nice young man we met.

[PLUCKY SCREAMS]

WINNIE: Did you give him our address?
HAMTON: No, Mom. I gave him Plucky's.

PLUCKY:
What?!

HAMTON: Oh, look, the
parking lot of Happy World Land.

[PLUCKY SOBBING]

WADE:
And that's the last slide.

I'm free. Free!

Free at last! I'm absolved!

Released! Exculpated! Free!

I flew the coop!

[PLUCKY LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY]

BABS [SINGING IN SOUTHERN ACCENT]:
I was born a coal digger's daughter

Great. Now we're in a rerun of Hee Haw.

[ON SPEAKERS]
Happy World Land

Happy World Land

Where the fun doesn't stop
At only 80 bucks a pop

In beautiful Happy World Land

BABS [IN NORMAL VOICE]:
Oh, boy, here comes a tunnel.

Hold your breath and make a wish.

BABS:
Oh, I got my wish. A mall.

BUSTER: What the...?
BABS: Back-to-school sales.

- Buster, it's you.
- BUSTER: Oh, what is it?

BABS:
It's the new box look.

[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]

Well, that was unnecessary.

Oh, and he's not?

Huh?

[SCREAMING]

- BUSTER: The bridge is out.
- Oh, Buster.

- I never got a chance to tell you...
- Shh. I feel the same way.

A plot hole?

BABS: I was wondering how those
hack writers were gonna wrap things up.

- Head toward the light.
- BUSTER: What? Do we got a choice?

- It's Acme Acres.
- Oh, I can see my house.

Hoo-ee. I sure got a lot to learn
about cartoons.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, there will be plenty
of time for that when school starts.

Cuckoo! Cuckoo!

If you're late for the first day of school,
you're cuckoo.

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

BUSTER:
School's starting already?

Way to go, Huck Finn.

We spent our entire vacation downriver.

Summer's over.

Yeah. And I can't think of a better way
to have spent it, Babs, than with you.

- Really?
- Absolutely.

[BABS SIGHS]

[GROWLS]

[BUSTER LAUGHS]

Hot dang,
I'm gonna get me some edumacation.

[SINGING] We're sad, we're confessin'
That school is back in session

I sure learned my lesson

I actually had fun

I'm filled with elation
I'm back from that vacation

For my next incarnation
I'm coming as a nun

Welcome back to Acme Loo
For a new school year

-Yikes, a test
-I need rest

I'm living in fear

Johnny Pew is a pity

At least I got my kitty

-No more playtime, now look great
-We've been outdone

Tunnels and car games

Boy, that trip was sure lame

Here's our pal, what's his name?

Someone call a cop

ALL:
You viewers are lucky

Hey, where the heck is Plucky?

When weather gets mucky
You can take it from the top

When September rolls around
You hear the school bell sound

Never mind, punch rewind
It's summertime again

We're tiny, we're toony
We're all a little loony

It's Tiny Toon Adventures

And I am the champ

And now you are just damp

I just can't help myself.

Woof.