Prehysteria! (1993)

[bunniefuu]

Hey, slow down,

will you, Jeffie?

I'm about ready

to pass out here.

Jefe, Senor Sarno.

Yeah, that's what I said.

Come on, this has turned

into a real bust, Jeffie.

What is a bust, senor?

You know a bust out, a

dead end, no el artifactos.

I've shown you many caves.

Birdseed, amigo,

all I got here is three

arrowheads and a bear's tooth.

The Sun still hangs

high in the sky.

Yeah, right.

Well, I ain't got all day,

okay, where's the good stuff?

Good stuff?

Yeah, you know, the sacred junk.

You mean sagrado.

Yeah, right, right, sagrado.

There's still a

cave over the ridge,

but it's the Cave of Culebra.

- Culebra?

- Culebra?

What's eating them?

Only the ancestors

of the ancestors

are allowed near

that sacred ground.

All others will

suffer or perish.

Well, let's go take a peak.

I said all others.

Come on, I just wanna

put my head inside.

No.

The Moon grows low.

Oh, come on, make up your mind,

first the Sun is high,

now the Moon is low,

what's with the double talk?

Culebra has spoken!

Jerry, turn it down, Jerry!

I'm gonna k*ll you,

Jerry, I swear to God!

Can you believe my

brother listens to Elvis?

The kid is living

in the Stone Age.

Get off me!

God, can't I have

any peace in this house?

Jerry!

Jerry!

Jerry!

Don't throw a song, old man.

Elvis is dead, Jerry.

So is that rock, Dad,

but I still love them.

What'd you find?

More fossils, go get your

sister and come help me.

Listen, Culebra speaks.

Why don't you cut it

out with the hocus-pocus,

I thought you were

a modern Injun.

I am not an Injun,

I am third-generation Tolupan!

Yeah, whatever, look, here,

there's another 50 bucks,

show me the cave.

You've insulted my

land and my people.

Get off your high horse

and take the half a yard,

and come on, let's go.

No,

- Whoa!

- you go.

Okay.

The tour is over.

Okay.

- Vamonos.

- Yeah, okay, I'm going.

Vamonos!

Okay, you people

are touchy, aren't ya?

Come all the way to

South America for what?

A bunch of crummy rocks.

You know...

Okay, okay.

Dad?

Huh?

You ever think about Mom?

Yeah, all the time.

Me too.

Hand me that brush, son.

Think she's in Heaven?

Yep, probably having

coffee and donuts with Elvis.

Who do you think

misses her the most?

Oh, I don't know,

maybe this pretty

little lady named Ruby.

Come here, come here,

yes, yes, that's a girl.

Do you love Ruby?

Yeah, like a rock.

Then why'd you give

her puppies away?

Times are hard, Jerry,

and there's no way we can afford

to have five more

animals around here.

I think she misses 'em.

I think that...

Daddy?

Nope.

I didn't even ask you anything.

You're not going

anywhere in that getup.

She looks like Madonna in heat.

Shut up, you little dweeb.

Monica, it's a school night.

I did all my homework,

please, Daddy?

I don't like you running

around with that older crowd.

It's just Spike and Rusty,

you know Spike and Rusty.

Whatever happened

to Brain-Dead Danny?

You're just jealous 'cause

you don't have any friends.

Honey, no is no,

and you're not going

out on a school night.

Fine, fine, I

hate this stupid farm!

Don't feel bad, Mom

couldn't handle her either.

Who says I can't handle her?

I can handle her.

Open sesame, baby sneaks.

Ow!

Don't you jokers sneak

up on me like that again.

You hear me?

You hear me?

I didn't hear that.

Maybe they put something

in my Gatorade.

Nah, the little savages

wouldn't have the guts.

Uh-oh, what's this?

What the...

About gave me a heart attack.

Oh, man, it's like a

meat locker in here.

Bingo.

Would you be

quiet, you dumb mutt?

Did you forget your key?

Daddy, I...

You're in big trouble, missy.

Bingo, gringo.

I guess you kinda caught me

with my hand in the

cookie jar, huh, Jeffie?

Put 'em back.

The souls of my ancestors

cry out for your blood.

Ignore it, Jefe,

they're dead guys.

Look, what do you say

we cash these eggs in,

we'll split it even-steven, huh?

No dice.

Put 'em back, slow and nice.

Take it easy with that

knife, okay, please, please.

How come these eggs

are so small, Jeffie?

Many million moons ago,

the son of Culebra came

down from the mountains

and presented these

small, mutant eggs

to the Tolupos tribe

before he died.

He promised that if we

kept them cold and sacred,

that no harm would ever

come to our people.

These are not just eggs,

they're symbols of eternal life.

Uh-huh, thanks for the

history lesson, amigo.

Hasta luego.

Dad, what do

you think you'll get

for your dig this time?

Ripped off.

What'd you say?

Nothing.

Good, you got no

say, young lady,

after that stunt you

pulled the other night.

I want a life, I don't

wanna go to a dumb museum!

I mean, why can't we ever go

to Disneyland or something?

They got some neat stuff

at those Angel City exhibits.

I am sick to death

of those dirty rocks.

Like I said, you have no say,

you're on probation, young lady.

Then I'm jumping bail, I'm

running away, I want out!

Open the door, Jer.

What?

Open the door, your

sister wants out.

Daddy?

There you go, jump, jump!

Daddy, cut it out!

Should I give her the heave-h*?

Don't touch me,

you little creep!

Alright, sit back and pipe down.

Close the door, Jer.

It's not funny.

Come on.

You know, whatever you

think they're worth, ma'am.

Vicki.

Jerry, get Ruby away from there.

Oh, she's okay.

Ruby.

Why are you always

so nervous about everything?

I'm not, I'm not nervous.

You've been coming in

here for eight months,

and you're still

calling me ma'am.

Have you...

Have you, um,

decided on a price?

Would you relax?

I'm not going to bite you.

I know that.

You have very pretty

eyes, Mr. Taylor.

It's Frank.

So,

shall we take another look

at what you got here, Frank?

Absolutely.

Oh my.

What?

I think you got an azurite here.

Is that good?

That's great.

Hey, Dad, you should see

the dorky shirt Monica got.

No, it's not,

it's really cool, Daddy.

See?

Say hello to the

nice lady, kids.

- Hi, Vicki.

- Hi, Vicki.

Hi.

You want us to get lost?

No, no, we're just

talking about rocks.

He's getting ripped off.

Shut up.

Hey, welcome back, Mr. Sarno.

Hey, what's going

on, sweetheart?

Mr. Sarno, you

remember the Taylors?

Hi, folks.

Get away from me, stinkball!

Mr. Sarno...

Usual price.

Yeah, but Mr. Taylor

has some new azurites.

It's still dino poop,

Vicki, usual price.

But...

I'm sorry, Frank,

it's the usual price.

Whatever's fair.

It's not fair, it's

just the way it is.

It's not your fault, Vicki.

Let me go talk to him.

No, no, no, no, it's okay.

No, it's not okay, Daddy.

I know we saw an unbelievable...

I said it was okay.

You're a stubborn man, Frank.

Proud, stubborn, you name it.

Passionate?

Sometimes.

When?

Daddy, are we gonna hang

out in this boneyard all day?

We haven't seen the

pterodactyl exhibit yet.

Whoop-de-doo.

Can we please blow

this musty pop stand?

Keep your shirts

on, we're going.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'll

go get your check.

Vicki?

Yes?

Um,

um, nothing.

Daddy?

Get the cooler.

Jerry, get the cooler.

Ruby, get the cooler.

Sam, Sam, you wouldn't

believe me if I did tell you.

No, I can't spill it to

the papers right now,

'cause it's big,

big, big, big, big, big,

big, big, big, big, big,

Radio City Music Hall-big.

What are you looking at?

I didn't say anything.

Yeah, but you were

thinking something.

What were we talking about then?

Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, no,

it's bigger than sunken ships.

Look, I don't wanna

get prehysterical here,

but I think I'm gonna change

the course of natural history.

Nah, you're gonna have to read

about it in the funny papers.

Tootles.

Have a good trip?

I found the holy grail,

and I ain't whistlin' dixie.

Do you want some water?

No, oh, you'd like to

see me choke, wouldn't ya?

Hey, I didn't say that.

Yeah, but you were thinking it.

No, sir, what I was thinking

is that you're being a

little rude to the Taylors.

Who?

Oh, them.

Oh, screw 'em, I got

bigger fish to fry.

Hey, man, turn it back.

Who do you think you are?

Shut up, you make me carsick!

What's tipping your beans?

Getting pretty cozy with

Professor Cupcakes, huh?

Honey, we're just friends.

Leave him alone, he's horny.

Hey!

What did I do?

I'm gonna be a

very, very rich man.

Can I go?

No.

Go get the cooler.

I'm gonna crack open this

little bottle of champagne

and you and I are

gonna drink a toast.

What's taking so long?

I'm dying of thirst in here.

Was that Sam Simon

from the Times?

In the phone flesh.

I could hear the spit

running down his chin.

What's in this thing,

a cure for cancer?

You're thinking small, my dear.

What are you talking about?

Drink up, honey pie, salute.

Right.

Open it.

Behold, I give you

prehistoric life!

A turkey bone?

What?

What the hell's this?

Turkey bones?

Sandwiches?

Wait a minute, this

isn't my cooler.

My babies, where are my babies?

My eggs, where are my eggs?

Did you bring the cooler in?

Nope.

Monica!

What?

Get enough to eat there?

It's a ghoul monster!

Squash it, Dad!

You are such an

immature specimen.

Where is the cooler, Monica?

I don't know, that

was barf boy's job.

Well, it's not in the truck

and it doesn't have any legs,

so obviously it didn't

walk off on its own.

Daddy, it's getting cold.

Keep looking, that

was a $50 cooler.

Maybe it popped out when

you hit the tracks back there.

My face is turning

into plaster of Paris.

I didn't hit those

tracks that hard.

Dad, have you seen Ruby?

Oh, hello, Mona.

Monica!

Whatever, is your daddy home?

Wait here.

Ah, Mr. Taylor.

What can I do for ya?

Well, there's been a

slight little mix-up.

And what might that be?

Well, I believe I

have something of yours

and I think that you

have something of mine.

Great, we have been looking

all over all night for this,

thank you, thank you very much!

Sure.

Oh, what a sweet young thing.

Excuse me, I have

to go wash my hair.

Lovely child.

Okay, where is it?

Pardon?

Don't get cute with

me, where's my cooler?

Your cooler?

Hand it over, farm boy!

Hey, I don't like your tone,

and I don't know what you're

talking about, mister.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I've just lost something

very, very precious to me,

something you can't

put a price tag on.

Here's 200 bucks, gimme.

Give you what?

Look, I'm sure it was all

perfectly innocent on your part,

but your family has mistaken

my cooler for yours,

by accident, of course.

That's possible, we looked

high and low for that, but...

Give you 300.

It's not a question of

money, Mr. Sarno, goodnight!

Whoa!

Will somebody shut that

pooch up before I go crazy?

Could you feed her, Jer?

What's with her?

Maybe she's in heat.

I guess we better keep

her down there for a while,

that Anderson spaniel's been

hanging around here again.

Oh, please don't let

her be preggers again.

That last litter we gave

away almost broke her heart.

So what do you care?

I care.

Alright, I'm...

I got it, Dad.

Chow time, Ruby.

Wow.

Wow.

Ruby, did you hatch these guys?

Look at this mess.

Just try some dog food.

How about you?

You?

Tyrannosaurus Rex,

The King!

Elvis!

I know how it is, Elvis.

I'm a meat and potatoes man too.

You sleeping, Elvis?

He's asleep.

Aw.

Wait,

where's the flighty one?

Oh, great!

Me, my turn, it's

always my turn,

I've done this BS

faithfully for five years,

I'm so sick of it!

Daddy!

Geez, what was that, a bat?

Good god, it had a nose

like my math teacher.

Just stay calm.

Oh, great, Monica!

She's gonna rat on me.

Keep 'em in here, girl.

Sorry, Chilly.

Hold it, babe.

I just had that Fender restrung.

Get off me, I'm

gonna k*ll this thing!

No, you're not, it's Ruby's kid.

What?

What was that?

Honey, we got company.

Come on.

I don't like this.

Stop acting like a girl.

I am a girl, dummy.

Look, they're gonna

be more scared of you

than you are of them.

Aw.

See?

They're so neat.

Aw!

Elvis!

Say howdy,

'cause you just got kissed

on the tush by The King.

Get that beast away from me.

Watch your tongue, sis,

Elvis just needs a little meat.

Right, Elvis?

You can't be going and

eating Monica's butt, Elvis,

you'll get indigestion,

or brain damage.

Let's see...

Not lamb chops, Dad

will skin me alive.

Ah, how about some bologna?

Elvis.

Don't go messing

with my cookies, man.

That's for dessert.

Watch the fingers, Godzilla.

You're invading my space.

Ruby, do something!

You're kinda cute.

Highway robbers.

Crooks!

I can barely hear

you, Mr. Sarno.

Those double-dealing sons of...

Crooks!

The Taylors are good and honest.

Those dirt farmers led

me on a wild goose chase.

You didn't find your cooler?

Yeah, yeah, I got the cooler,

I got it in my hip pocket,

no, I do not have the cooler!

Highway robbers.

Madonna.

For a pterodactyl?

That's a girl's name, man.

It is a girl, man.

Madonna.

See?

Okay, fine, what do you

wanna call the stegosaurus?

Bon Jovi?

That has a nice ring,

but how about Prince?

No way!

And we're not calling

the chasmosaurus Hammer.

How about I tell Daddy

about your little friends?

Right.

The stegosaurus is Jagger.

Fine, but the

brachiosaurus, Paula,

and the chasmo is Hammer.

The King disagrees, man.

Sick her, Elvis.

God, Jerry.

Jerry, open this door.

Monica?

What's going on?

Who locked this door?

Just make sure

Madonna stays down here.

Hey, Dad.

Why is this door locked?

There's a lotta

crazies out there, Dad.

This is a farm, Jerry, we're

in the middle of nowhere,

you kids tell me

that all the time.

It can happen anywhere.

What can happen anywhere?

Ax m*rder, they get

you in your sleep.

So what's going on, Jer?

Nothing, how's the

resin game coming?

Where's Monica?

Downstairs, taking care of Ruby,

that dog's got hormones

popping left and right.

Monica!

Monica!

She's just feeding Ruby.

Monica!

She's just feeding Ruby.

Hi, Daddy.

What are you doing in there?

I'm feeding Ruby,

keeping her outta trouble,

isn't that what you want?

Hm.

I want you two to hightail

it up to the living room,

'cause I know when

you're up to something,

and you're gonna sit down

and you're gonna

tell me what it is.

Working late, Miss Vicki?

Oh god, Whitey, why do you

scare the bejesus out of me?

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

What are you still doing here?

My job.

Whitey, I gotta

ask you a question.

Now don't take this wrong,

but, we're missing a

cooler from the lab,

and I was just wondering if...

Well, I do take it

wrong, Miss Vicki,

I clean and watch over this

place like it was my own child.

Been working here

for over 20 years,

and I've never taken

so much as a tissue.

I'm sorry, Whitey, I

didn't mean to insult you,

it's just that

Mr. Sarno's breathing

down my neck about this.

I'm embarrassed I

even brought it up,

you're the only honest

Joe in this whole place.

I knew it, I knew it was Whitey!

Good job, Vic.

Rico, no!

Get his legs.

Sir?

Call the law, Vicki!

Sir?

Stop it, Rico!

You're going to

jail, scrub monkey.

Sir?

Call the cops!

Whitey, are you okay?

Yeah.

What about me?

You need a long rest, Rico!

I'm sorry, sir,

I know, I know, I'm fired.

I'll see you tomorrow.

What are you looking at?

Nothing, absolutely nothing.

Oh, is that another one

of your little wisecracks?

He's a sweet old man!

He'd steal plastic

forks at a company picnic.

Your mind is going.

Is it?

And where were you

when the cat was away,

making like a mouse?

What?

Oh, you're the

only one left, Vicki,

it's just you and you alone

all by yourself, right?

Mr. Sarno, I never touched

your precious little cooler!

How do I know that?

I don't know that.

I didn't take it!

I could have your

little archeological grant

taken away like that!

You are really losing it, Rico.

Oh yeah?

I'll show you losing it!

I know when

someone's lying to me,

I can tell by their eyes,

and you two are lying.

About what, Dad?

We'd never lie to you, Daddy.

Do you think I'm a fool?

Do you think I am some rube

who just fell off

the raisin truck?

No, Daddy.

We don't know what

you're talking about, Pop.

Oh, you don't, huh?

Ruby's pregnant, isn't she?

- What?

- What?

You heard me,

I told you to keep her away

from that Anderson spaniel.

Dad, Ruby's not pregnant.

Oh, she isn't, huh?

No, but we think you

should consider it,

she's real lonely.

Not a chance!

It's not fair to Ruby,

keeping her cooped up

down there like that,

she has rights too.

Yeah, if Monica was in heat,

you wouldn't lock

her down there.

Don't help me, go to Kmart

and get yourself an IQ.

Well, that's a good one

coming from Miss 55 in Science.

You're so dense.

Alright, cut it out!

We have been through

this 100 times,

we have plenty of

pets around here.

Okay.

Now if I hear one

more word about this,

I'm gonna have that dog...

Okay?

Do I hear okay?

Yeah.

Okay then, go to your rooms.

Don't tell me I

don't know how to handle 'em.

I know how to handle 'em.

Where are my keys?

Where is my cooler?

How many times do I have

to tell you, I don't know!

Round and round we go,

where we stop, nobody knows.

I don't have your cooler, okay?

You're a lying,

deceitful little tr*mp...

Uh, your breath is k*lling me!

Where is it?

You're impossible!

I got keys that

jingle, jangle, jingle.

Give 'em here!

Up, girl.

God, you're a sick puppy, Rico.

Woof, woof, woof.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Get out of my way!

You're not going anywhere

until I get my cooler back.

Are you gonna get outta my way?

Well, you just got a

little bit too greedy

for your own good, didn't you?

I am warning you, Rico.

Oh, I'm scared, Vicki,

I'm so scared...

Oh boy.

Oh boy.

Oh boy.

What the...

What the hell?

Monica, Jerry, get down

here on the double!

What in the hell is this?

It almost bit my head off!

Elvis wouldn't do

that, would ya, Elvis?

Jerry?

He's the new King, Dad.

What's going on?

Where in the Sam hell did

you find these things?

In the cellar.

Well, that's where

we keep 'em, Daddy.

It's no big deal, Dad.

You two have some

explaining to do,

and it better be good.

Now, get these things

outta here, pronto!

- Yes, Dad.

- Yes, Dad.

Me, always me, what

am I, the maid?

Bye.

Why can't we keep them, Dad?

You lied to me, Jer,

that cooler was down here

the whole time, wasn't it?

I didn't take it, Ruby took it.

Those animals

belong to Mr. Sarno.

Ruby hatched 'em, Mr.

Sarno couldn't do that,

doesn't that kinda

make 'em her babies?

Fix the latch, Jer.

Come on.

Back to work, princess.

Yes, sir.

Spick and span.

We're still missing

the flying one.

Have you seen it?

Not a sign, Daddy.

What was that?

A car pulling up?

Shh!

Shh.

Hi.

Vicki, what's wrong?

I think I'm in big trouble.

Why?

He just kept coming at me

and coming at me, so I hit him!

I hit him hard, with

a hunk of bedrock.

What, did

you k*ll Fred Flintstone?

This isn't funny,

I think I hurt Sarno.

Well, that's good.

This was a mistake, I

shouldn't have come here,

you don't give a

rat's tail about me...

Come in the house.

No.

Why not?

Give me my keys.

Heel, Ruby.

Give me my keys back.

What keys?

Just stay cool, I'll bust you

outta this joint in no time.

Jerry!

What's she doing here?

She?

This she has a name, young lady.

Hello, Monica.

Hi, Vic.

Hi.

You look like you got

a case of the GI blues.

Do I?

Tell her about the cooler, Jer.

Don't do it, she'll rat us out!

Mind your tongue, young lady.

What was in the cooler, Jerry?

You mean funny-looking

little creatures,

like mutated dinosaurs?

No, these are dinosaurs,

what did Daddy just say?

That's impossible.

They look pretty real to me.

Frank, dinosaurs haven't been

around for 65 million years.

Well, they're back, man, and

they're looking for trouble.

Hey, cut the Elvis act, huh?

We're trying to work this out.

Can I see them?

Come on, Elvis, get Monica,

Elvis, come on, Elvis.

This isn't normal, and

they can do major damage,

but what am I gonna

do, put 'em on a leash?

I mean, look at 'em.

I mean, sure, they're cute.

Come on, come on,

come on, alright!

I gotta pay the bills.

Am I right, Vicki?

Mm-hmm.

Are you okay?

Uh-huh.

Say hi to Elvis, Vicki-do.

Hi.

He loves the ladies, man.

Get that crocodile

away from her nose!

I thought she might

like to meet the new King.

I don't trust that one.

Oh, Frank, I think I'd

like to take a look at it.

Why? It's butt-ugly.

You're hurting

The King's feelings.

Frank, can I just please

take a closer look at it?

See?

I'm not going to hurt you.

These things were over 40

feet long and seven tons,

the biggest terrestrial

carnivore that ever lived.

Guess we got the

runt of the litter.

They're a

reverse-hybridization

of the species, Frank.

They must've been frozen

in those eggs for ages.

They're awfully small, but

they're still the real deal.

Sort of a Darwinian redo.

We told you.

Oh gosh, Frank, you cannot

give these back to Sarno.

But they're his eggs.

So, give him the shells.

There you go, Dad,

it's all settled,

Elvis and his sidekicks stay.

It's not right.

Frank, I am telling you,

Sarno will put them in a circus

or he'll ship them

off to Hollywood.

They'll just be five

giant dollar signs to him.

Geez, get this vampire

bat away from me!

Okay, Monica, call her off.

Come to Momma.

That's a good Material Girl.

Madonna.

Yeah, son?

I just wanted to

say goodnight, Dad.

Oh, goodnight, I'll see

ya in the morning, bye-bye.

Mind if I say

goodnight to Vicki?

Goodnight, Jerry.

Goodnight, Vicki.

Okay, everybody said

goodnight to everybody else,

so goodnight, don't

let the bedbugs...

Wait a minute,

where's your sister?

I don't know, in bed,

I guess, goodnight.

Goodnight.

I'm sorry, I guess

Monica forgot her manners.

Oh, you don't have

to apologize, your

kids are adorable.

You want 'em, you can have 'em.

You don't mean that.

You want another drink?

Oh, no, I should get going.

You're not going anywhere.

Well, I can't stay here.

Please?

I don't want anything

to happen to you.

Thank you.

I'll sleep on the couch.

Frank.

- Frank.

- Shh!

Alright, I heard that, Monica!

Oh, Frank, Frank,

Frank, it's okay.

I won't have that nosy bird

poking its beak

into my business,

now that one gets locked up

with the others tomorrow.

Frank, they're not zoo animals.

I can't have those varmints

running wild on my place.

Frank, you worry too much.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Morning.

Morning.

Nice underwear.

Huh?

Are those black hearts?

They're raisins.

Nice.

The kids gave 'em to me.

Very nice, you

should be very proud.

Are you making

fun of my skivvies?

Me?

Morning, sweetie.

Is she gonna finish

her little project

sometime this month?

I can't babysit these

things forever, you know?

I'll be done soon,

why don't you just

put them inside?

Why don't you?

Monica, Monica, come back here!

I'll go talk to her.

Don't you think you should

put on some pants first?

I'm not the bashful type.

Could've fooled me.

Watch where you're going!

Your brain-dead brother

should watch where

he leaves his toys.

Danny, what are you

doing up before 3:00 p.m.?

You are so fresh, I had

to see my ladylove.

- No, Danny!

- Awesome gizmo.

Where's the batteries?

Oh, cool, it talks!

Danny, this is a real dinosaur.

Ah, sure it is.

So, you busy tonight?

It is, now get outta

here, my father hates you.

Ah, chill, crumb

cakes, I'm in love.

Beat it.

Can I have a word with you?

Hey, your dad's half

naked, nice gams, Mr. T,

I see where your daughter

gets her legs.

Daddy, you remember

Brain-Dead Danny?

I said beat it!

Looks like I've been moted, hon.

I'll call you later.

Absotively.

Chow, little dude.

Peace.

Hello, farm boy.

Whoa, caught you with

your pants down, huh?

Did you have a nice little

roll in the hay, did ya?

What do you want, Sarno?

You know what I want, wood hick,

I want my babies back,

and I want 'em now.

What babies?

Play dumb with me

and I'll spill your brains

like a box of your raisins.

Sick him.

I don't want anyone

else to get hurt, alright?

Yeah?

Well, you and I are gonna turn

this cheese box upside down!

They're not in there.

Yeah, right.

I knew they were here!

Ow, oh!

Oh, get your teeth outta me!

Ah, oh!

Your babies don't like you.

Yeah, they do, they're

just being playful.

Get away from me!

Jerry.

Chill, Elvis.

Where's my g*n?

And I don't like you either.

Hey, don't push me,

please, you broke the law!

You like threatening women?

A little bit.

Hey, wait a minute,

she was asking for it.

Turn around!

Huh?

Turn around and bend over.

What do you think you're...

Okay.

Now crawl back to your car!

Are you outta

your stinkin' mind?

Watch me crawl.

Oh man, this is

really humiliating,

they're my babies, not yours!

I'll be back!

Maybe not.

Get off my land.

You got a real attitude

problem, raisin breath.

Daddy, I heard a shot.

What's going on?

Nothing, I just ran

off a chicken thief.

Yeah, there you go.

Oh, you're such a

cute little dino.

How do you like

your new home, hm?

How do you like it?

I bet you like it.

Yeah, there you go.

Oh, sweetie.

Hi, here you go.

Are you happy here?

Oops, you don't eat leaves.

Sorry.

This is excellent, Vicki!

Thanks.

The grape leaves are very good.

Monica?

What?

You haven't touched yours.

I'm not hungry.

Monica.

I'll eat hers.

You would.

I would.

I'll put yours in

the fridge, how's that?

May I be excused?

Monica, please.

Let her go, Frank.

Ditto.

Fine, fine, you're excused.

There's no excuse

for you, Jerry.

What crawled under her armpit?

I'm not talking about that,

I'm talking about you,

what's bugging you?

Nothing!

Don't tell me it's nothing

when I know it's something.

I don't wanna talk about it.

Ever since you

were four years old,

you and I could

talk about anything.

Times change, I don't

have anything to say.

Well, I do!

Go talk to your girlfriend,

your little scientist babe!

Are you jealous of her?

That's sick.

Monica,

you'll always be Daddy's

girl, you know that.

What about Mom, huh?

Your mother's been dead

for 2 1/2 years, sweetie.

Don't you ever think about her?

I dream about her every night,

and in that dream,

she's still alive,

but by the end, she's gone,

and I have to go through

it all over again.

I have the same dream.

I'm sorry, Daddy, I just

don't want a new mom.

Vicki's not gonna be your

new mom, she's my friend.

If Brain-Dead Danny

were to pass away,

you'd want a new boyfriend

someday, wouldn't you?

I want a new boyfriend now.

So this is the countryside?

Blue sky, wide open

spaces, fresh air.

What is that smell?

It's probably you.

Hey, I didn't do it.

Well, I didn't do it.

Well, I didn't do it.

Hey, Mr. Sarno, I smell

something, did you do it?

It's cow doo-doo, you nitwits,

just keep your eyes peeled

for a blue farmhouse.

Pardon me, excuse

me, Mr. Sarno,

is a farmhouse the

same as a ranch house?

1,000 a piece for these two.

So, they're like dinosaurs,

but they're not real

dinosaurs, Mr. Sarno?

Yes, yes, Louis,

they're deformed lizards!

Hey, speaking of deformed,

I knew this hunchback

in the sixth grade,

you can imagine, when this

guy had an itch, hey, oh!

You gotta be kidding me,

you graduated sixth grade?

Oh no, he missed it by

three days, you believe that?

He, uh,

stabbed the art teacher

with a chisel.

Yeah, crybaby...

I mean, right? It

was just a chisel.

Hey, hey, just shut

up and listen, okay?

You gotta treat these

creatures with kid gloves,

they get a little

nasty sometimes.

Hey, if some lizard bites me,

I'll grind him up

into a pair of shoes,

bada bing, bada boom.

You touch a scale of their skin

and I'm gonna grind

the two of you up!

They're worth millions of...

Of?

Of dollars, Mr. Sarno?

We're almost there.

You know, I'm thinking

here, Mr. Sarno,

if they're worth

millions of dollars,

then me and Ritchie should

get like, um, 1,200 a piece,

am I right, Ritchie?

Absolutely, more

than a thousand,

in spades, that is for sure.

Listen, we made a deal,

and a deal is a deal,

otherwise you two will never

work in this town again!

See what you

almost did, Ritchie?

Hey, I didn't do nothing.

Your carriage awaits, m'lady.

Let's get going, Brain-Dead.

That's my name,

don't wear it out.

Oh!

Those are b-bitchin'

th-threads, Monica!

Just drive.

I'm the only one in 10th

grade who's got a license,

is that why you go out with me?

No, it's 'cause you're

16 and real smart.

Slow down, Einstein!

What's he doing back here?

Who are those dudes?

You're not cheating on

me, are ya?

Just shut up and

turn around, dummy!

Hey, no reason to bag me out,

your wish is my command,

my highness.

Give me that.

Give me that.

I'll see ya later, Ritchie.

He is so stupid, Mr. Sarno.

Yeah, well, you're

close behind him.

Hey, get outta here, fleabag.

Good day, my friend.

Can I help you?

Could I perhaps interest you

in some Girl Scout Cookies?

Is this a joke?

Scouting is not a joke, sir,

it keeps the little

tarts off the street.

Well, I don't think so.

Get the dog.

Mr. Sarno, what

if he bites me?

Then bite him back,

what do you think I'm

paying you 1,000 bucks for?

You know, I was thinking,

I think we should get

at least 1,100 for this.

I'll give you 1,500, just

tie up the stinkin' dog!

Alright, where are the cookies?

Sorry, no free samples.

Good doggie, shut up,

doggie, nice doggie,

you're not a mutt,

you're a good dog.

Hey, what are you

doing to my dog?

Hey, watch the hair!

Would you watch the hair?

Leave it alone, Rico!

Back off, Judas.

Dad!

If you take 'em out of

this habitat, they'll die.

You had your chance

for the piece of the pie,

- I'm gonna get my babies.

- Dad!

You can't...

Do that?

Hey, they're no good to you!

Get off me, you jezebel!

Hey!

Ow.

Come on!

Boss, what do you want

me to do with this one?

Put him in the cage.

He's just a little boy.

The dino, you knot head!

I thought you said

they were just lizards?

Just do it!

Got it!

Alright, put it down!

Okay.

Daddy!

Dad!

Jerry.

Mr. Sarno.

Where's my little angel?

Where's my bird of flight?

Oh, you're a regular poet.

Hey, hey!

Hey, this haircut

cost me six bucks,

what's wrong with you people?

I swear, I'm gonna rip

his little beak off!

He's gonna rip

his little beak off!

It's a she, ya crooks.

I got a headache, Mr.

Sarno, can we go now?

Yes, yes, bless you,

good timing, Louis.

Get the brachiosaurus, Ritchie.

You got it, Mr. Sarno,

which one is that?

Try the one that's loose.

You know, Mr. Sarno, I

don't think it's gonna work,

look at this neck here.

Just stuff him in there.

Come on, Ritchie, let's go.

Okay, wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, where's my angel?

Where's my little angel?

Hey, four outta five ain't

bad, Mr. Sarno.

Hey, shut up.

Mr. Sarno, you want

I should plug the dog?

No!

Rico, that dog is

like a mother to them.

What, are you deaf? I

said shut up!

Ah, man, I gotta think!

Louis, grab the mutt,

the rest of them,

they're expendable.

Rico, the dinosaurs

will all die,

but I can keep them alive.

Okay, okay.

Turn around.

I want you sharecroppers

to count to 500,

if you don't, if you follow us,

I'll k*ll the new

lady of the house.

Oh, I mean it, I'll k*ll her.

I'll k*ll her dead!

Get the dog, lunkhead.

It's okay, it's okay.

Come here, doggie.

Today!

Mr. Sarno,

this doggie likes me.

I'm sure glad I didn't plug you.

Trot!

Mr. Sarno, Ritchie said...

Shut up!

425,

426...

500, you count like an old lady!

Hey, don't move.

Come on, Dad,

let's call the fuzz.

I said don't move.

Yeah, you wanna get

Vicki k*lled, Jerry?

Since when do you care?

I care.

Alright, we're going

to the house, real slow.

Stay behind me.

Can we turn the heat down

a notch or two, Mr. Sarno?

No.

It's like a steam

bath in here, Mr. Sarno.

Those reptiles need a

99-degree temperature.

We're riding in a

traveling sauna circus here

without the three rings.

Shut up and sweat.

I mean it, Mr.

Sarno, I'm gonna pass out.

Then do it, punk!

Look, maybe we should

just get them some water.

Ritchie.

Oh, dear, Mr. Sarno.

It's okay, you'll

be okay, Louis,

just take little, baby breaths.

That's it.

Come on eat, we

got grapes to pick.

What about your girl, Dad?

Eat.

Yeah, what about

your girlfriend?

Are we just gonna

sit around here

while she rots down there

with that greedy slob?

I did not sl*ve over that stove

so you two could jaw

yourselves to death.

Paper says there's

a big surprise exhibit

at the Angel City Museum.

Did I not tell you to eat?

Now eat, I don't wanna

have to repeat myself.

What about Ruby?

Vicki will take care of Ruby.

What about Elvis and

the other little guys?

What about them?

They didn't belong to us, I

told you that from the get-go.

They don't belong

to anybody, Daddy,

they should all be free like

Madonna.

This just makes my skin crawl.

Isn't that bended?

It makes me sick.

Uh-oh, Dad's got

that look in his eye.

Whoa, whoa, love it.

Rico, Rico, Rico...

That's my

name, don't wear it out.

Okay, one question

at a time, please.

Can you give us a hint,

is it from this century?

Cold, very cold, Bob.

Is it bigger than a breadbasket?

Maybe.

Is it fish or fowl?

Ooh, you're getting

warm there, Helen.

Is it a whole

flock of bald eagles?

Getting cold again.

Miss Vicki, is it true that

you were married to Tiny Tim?

Get those tabloid

slobs outta here.

Back, back, back, back!

Is it gonna change the world?

Forever, it's a rebirth!

No more questions!

Is it spiritual.

What did he say, huh?

He said no more questions!

Get outta here!

Get outta here!

Out, out, out, out!

Out, out!

But you promised me

an exclusive, Rico.

Get in line, newsmonger,

this is bigger than you and me.

But you promised!

Keep your shirt on, Sam,

look, shut up, wait with

the rest of the world.

Geraldo, how are ya?

Thank you, thank you.

Testing, testing,

one, two, three,

even kids under 12

can't get in for free.

Happy?

Delirious.

Aren't you? I can't wait.

Neither can I.

Pathetic peons.

You gonna k*ll him, Dad?

Oh, hi there, Mr. T.

Whoa, hot damn,

what's the wingspread

on that squab?

Hey, Whitey.

He's late for the show.

Where's Sarno?

Oh, he's across the

street, doing his act.

This won't take long.

Uh, attention,

attention, please.

Yes, uh,

well, I'd like to thank you

all for coming out today,

and my lovely young

assistant here and I have,

well, we've discovered

a renewal of life.

Please, give a big hand

to Miss Vicki Vandell.

Isn't she beautiful,

ladies and gentlemen?

Now, I would like to thank each,

each and every one of you

for coming out here today.

What you're about to

see is a labor of love,

and I'd also like...

Yeah, like I was saying, life

takes strange little turns,

and once you think

you've seen it all, kids,

you ain't seen nothing yet!

This moment of time

will be spoken of

in hushed tones of reverence.

Behold,

I give you prehistoric life!

My babies,

where are my sugar babies?

Where are my babies?

Where are my sugar...

Hey, nobody walks

out on me, nobody!

In here, kids.

Paula,

Hammer!

Hey, Elvis.

How ya doin', Elvis?

I missed you.

Got a minute?

What?

You got a minute?

You did, you did this to me.

You stole, you're

the thief, not me!

I'm the one who's trying

to change the world!

You...

Whoa.

So, you love those

punks as much as me?

Your kids?

No, the dinos.

I'm getting there, Mr.

Taylor, I'm getting there.

That's a fine-looking

family you got there, Mr. T.

See ya, Whitey.

Bye.