[Tinny ding]
[Loud ding]
Good morning, sir.
Welcome to the majestic.
May I help you?
Lionel spalding...
And neil.
Welcome
to the majestic,
mr. Spalding, neil.
Thank you.
[Singing opera]
This is the air shaft
to basement.
Do you read me?
I read you.
What's your 20?
I'm in position,
found our target.
He's picking
on poor artie.
I don't care how long
you've been at this hotel.
You must smile
when you greet the guests.
You should see this lady
who checked in.
She weighs about
a thousand pounds.
That's a physical
impossibility.
And stay focused.
We're on a mission.
Sorry. 10-4.
One more time
like this, and cut.
O.k...go.
Is he on the mark?
Not yet.
What's he doing?
Not yet.
**
**
[Grrr]
[Arf]
Now! Now! Now!
No! Oh!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[Grrr]
Aah!
[Whimpering]
Uh-oh. Air shaft
to basement.
We have a problem.
We hosed some guests.
Abort mission.
Repeat--
abort mission.
Here. Come here,
baby.
Neil!
Better get out of here.
Gotcha.
Whoa!
Mr. Grant, you might
want to step out here
a moment.
Hey, murray.
Hey, boys.
[Kyle]
slow down!
What the...
Wait a minute.
Brian! Kyle!
Better split up, kyle.
What? Aah!
Whoa!
Slow down!
Oh!
Get your hands off me!
Well...
Isn't this a pleasant way
to start the day?
His name is neil.
After
neil armstrong.
[Baby talk]
the first man
on the moon.
[Arf]
[Grrr]
And he's very,
very sensitive.
I can see that
just from looking
into his eyes.
I just hope
he hasn't suffered
any severe trauma.
Ahem.
Mr. Grant.
Yes. Thank you, nancy.
Dr. Sultinoff...
He's one of the city's
finest pet psychologists.
Please mention my name,
And I'm sure he'll
see neil right away.
Well, thank you,
mr. Grant.
Say thank you
to mr. Grant.
[Arf]
Hmm.
We were aiming for norm.
He stole our frisbee.
He didn't steal
your frisbee.
He dug it out
of the smoked salmon,
where you threw it.
We didn't mean
to soak any guests.
Mm-hmm.
Kyle, would you
hold this?
Attaboy. Would you
put it in right about here?
Dad.
No, no. I insist.
Brian, you, too.
Can I have another knife?
Just push it in.
You might as well,
Because if this week
doesn't go perfectly,
And if you two do anything
to foul things up,
I am going to be skewered,
roasted,
And served
as dead duck flambé.
So unless you two
prefer moving
From a five-star hotel
to a trailer park,
We will have
no further disturbances.
Do you understand?
We're sorry,
dad.
Now...
Next week...
After this is all over,
We get to go on vacation.
Yes!
Barbados for 10 days,
Just the three of us.
Yes!
And we get
to be the guests,
And we will nag,
And we will complain,
And we will make
other people's
lives miserable.
Yes!
But until that time...
You're both grounded.
What?
What?
Come on, guys.
Let's go. Dinner.
Hey, I was up to $400.
Where's
your brother?
Barbados.
Kyle, what are you doing?
Practicing.
I figure we need
spear g*ns
for sharks.
Wouldn't that be
cool if we got
to sh**t a shark?
For everyone
but the shark.
Will the hotel
have spear g*ns?
We'll ask the concierge
when we get there.
How's your steak?
It's o.k.
O.k.? That's
the finest filet
in the city.
Well, maybe we should
cook for ourselves
one night.
Why? We have
a five-star restaurant
At our beck and call.
What if
our plane crashes
And we're stranded
in the jungle,
And we
need spear g*ns
to sh**t our food,
But we don't know
how to cook it?
You think the same way
your mother did.
Did I ever tell you
that before?
Is that good?
Well...
It was never boring.
[Speaking french]
If you got
to be grounded,
A five-star hotel
is the place to be.
If you'd like
extra towels or ice--
[Speaking
french]
Enjoy your stay.
[Murmuring]
[Knock knock]
[Knock knock knock]
[Knock]
[Whack]
Terribly sorry.
It slipped out of my hand.
I heard something
in there.
Probably one
of my sports coats.
I've been told they're
a little bit loud.
Don't you think
that's funny?
Oh. Now I get it.
Ha ha ha.
That's better.
Would you like to see
a little trick, hmm?
O.k.
You know, I know
all sorts of tricks.
Do you know what
my speciality is, hmm?
No.
I can make
nosy little boys disappear.
One more thing--
My dollar.
Good morning. Rutledge.
Welcome to the majestic,
mr. Rutledge.
Lord rutledge.
I beg your pardon.
Quite all right.
The rutledges don't
stand on the ceremony.
Lord rutledge.
What are you
doing here?
Mrs. Dellacroce...
Are you here
for the ball?
Of course.
Where is poor
mr. Dellacroce?
Not here.
Oh?
How--ahem--
Sad.
Let's get to work.
Equals 600 earrings,
If my math
serves me right.
Here we are...
The majestic hotel.
And it's ours
for the taking.
Where better to begin
Than with
the lovely mrs. Dellacroce?
Room 812.
Remember her?
I hope she hasn't pawned
all her best jewelry
To finance those facelifts.
Ha ha ha.
I thought
you'd given up.
[Sighs]
It will stunt
your growth.
Now give it back.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.
I'm a little too busy
For your amusing
little games.
Will you please
give it back?
Hee hee hee.
Monkey spit.
How delicious.
Very good.
Yeah. Very good.
Dunston, have you
seen the ice bucket?
I have two words
to say to you...
Medical...experiments.
Thank you.
Now...
Go to your room.
[Pfft pfft]
I'm not debating this.
You move!
I'm a liberal parent.
Have it your own way.
God forbid
I should spoil your fun.
Go to your room!
[Whimpering]
Spare the rod,
and spoil the monkey.
[Whimpering]
[Traffic noises]
Dubrow alert.
Dubrow alert?
Dubrow alert!
Dubrow alert.
Dubrow alert.
Dubrow alert!
Dubrow alert!
Dubrow al...
Lobby 3 degrees too cold.
Doorman slow
to open car door.
Two crushed butts
in ashtray number one.
Make that
Brr.
Victor...
Come along, darling.
You look beautiful,
don't you?
[Gasps]
Mrs. Dubrow!
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to--
Shh. Quite all right.
[Arf]
I'm taking him
to his analyst.
Don't let me
keep you...
"Consuelo."
[Arf arf]
I'm sorry.
Consuelo.
So I knocked on the trunk,
and he knocked back--
[Ring]
Hello.
Dubrow alert.
Dubrow alert.
Wait. I'm not done.
Yes, you are.
She doesn't like kids.
She once kicked big bird
in the nuts.
Dad!
Dad, put me down!
Dad, put me down!
Dad!
Under the desk!
Robert.
Mrs. Dubrow.
Ooh! Little roll
in the carpet.
What a pleasant
surprise!
Mr. Dubrow,
nice to see you,
sir.
Fluffy towels.
I beg your pardon?
Read the cards, robert.
Got to keep up
on the cards
So you know what
our guests want.
Know what they want?
Know what they want?
Fluffy towels?
That's right.
Nice, fluffy towels.
Talk to the laundry
immediately.
Victor, darling,
sit down and work
on your cards.
Robert, we have some
very exciting news.
Uh...
Ha ha ha ha!
Doesn't it look
great?
What do you think?
Well, it's wonderful,
mrs. Dubrow.
I was just thinking
that the le monde people
Might not
appreciate us just
adding a sixth star.
No, no.
The le monde people
Have decided to award
a sixth star
To the most elite
hotels in the world.
I have it on good
authority
They have
a person here now.
Th-the le monde people
have a representative
here now...this week?
Of course! This week!
The crystal ball
is the social event
of the season.
Why shouldn't they
be here?
I want that
sixth star, robert.
Are we clear?
I will be very upset
if I don't get it.
I understand.
Good.
Next week when
every travel section
in the country interviews us,
I want you
in the picture with me.
Next week.
Could you excuse me
for...just a second?
Ahem.
Uh, ah...
Oh! Um...
Oh, yes, yes.
I--i am scheduled
for a vacation
next week.
No, no, no, no!
Ow!
[Thunk]
Uh...banged my knee.
Trick knee.
Robert,
I need you here.
Dad, you promised!
If you want to k*ll me,
just k*ll me.
Pick something up
and beat me
over the head.
Why is he talking
to his crotch?
Is there a problem...
Robert?
No. No.
Dad!
Uh, well, yes, um...
Actually,
mrs. Dubrow,
This is
the second time that
I've had to cancel--
No, the third!
Word. What's the word
I'm looking for?
I hate when
that happens.
The words fly
out of your head.
It makes me insane
when...
Paper?
Huh?
Robert, I know
it's an inconvenience.
Uh, yes...
Let me just
put it this way.
When we get
the sixth star,
You are in
for a big bonus,
And you can take them
someplace fabulous...
Eventually.
But if we don't get
the sixth star,
Well--ha ha ha--
Time off just won't
be a problem, will it?
Any other problems?
No.
Good. Oh, one more thing.
Since this is such
an important time
for the hotel,
You should fire
somebody.
Yes, mrs. Dubrow--
I haven't asked you
to fire anybody since...
Christmas.
Yes.
Well, there's
a clumsy clerk
With a foreign-sounding
name.
Consuelo.
She'll do.
Come along,
victor, darling!
Really, mrs. Dubrow,
I'm not sure that's--
Robert, now,
just do it!
By the way,
There's a small boy
under your desk.
That's not fair, dad!
You promised us.
Let me work on it,
kyle.
I need to see
consuelo.
Oh, all right.
Send her in.
You can't fire
consuelo.
I have a system, kyle.
Fortunately, mrs. Dubrow
never remembers
Who it is
she wants me to fire.
Yes, mr. Grant?
Consuelo, consuelo...
Mm-hmm.
I'm giving you
A week's paid vacation,
starting right now.
On one condition--
You have to run out of
this office right now,
crying.
O.k.
Bueno.
[Sobs]
Zoom in on eight.
He's a big,
scary guy
With a huge trunk
and lots
of stickers.
Right. Scary guy.
Huge trunk. Got it.
Keep an eye out,
o.k.?
You bet, kid.
This one
really liked me.
What
do you think?
Mmm...they're o.k.
I have a bad feeling
about this guy.
Kyle, we're
preoccupied here.
I have a sense
about these things.
I know you do.
He's up to no good!
Keep an eye out.
He could be anywhere!
I'm going to
schmooze the guests.
Do what your brother says...
Within reason.
The human body
can only stand
So many centuries
of inbreeding.
[Titters]
I beg your pardon.
Are you the manager?
Yes, I am.
Robert grant.
Lord rutledge.
Tell me...
Where do you keep
the champagne,
near the furnace?
Is there a problem,
lord rutledge?
No. It's just that
your room service
Brought me a bottle
of champagne
That I could have
quite comfortably
bathed in,
Had there been
any soap.
Well, I'm
terribly sorry.
Yes. You should be.
Good evening,
mrs. Dellacroce.
Good evening.
Thank you.
Have a nice
evening, ma'am.
[g*nshots]
[Singing]
I still say you're
making a mistake.
Doctor, I'd like
to kiss you good-bye.
All right.
But...you're so
damned ugly!
[Beep beep beep]
[Beep beep beep beep]
So, brian,
what are we going
to do tonight?
Whoa, what is this
"we" stuff?
Remember,
mr. Spalding in 612
needs his dog walked.
Don't forget
to thank him
If he gives you a tip.
His name is neil,
After neil armstrong,
the first man
on the moon.
I love the astronauts,
don't you?
Yeah, sure.
I want you to be very,
very careful with him.
'Cause he's my pride
And joy, joy, joy!
Back in 10.
[Arr-arr]
[Telephone rings]
Dunston, it's daddy.
Is everything going
according to plan?
[Pfft]
Don't forget.
Jewels, not junk!
[Pfft]
[Pfft pfft pfft]
[Shouting]
listen to me--
Mmm.
Ahh!
[Crash]
[Kissing sounds]
Come on, neil.
Let's go!
Come on. Come on!
Let's go, neil.
Come and get me.
Come on, boy. Faster!
Come on.
Once around.
Come on, neil! Run.
Come on! Left, right,
left, right.
Left paw, right paw.
Left paw, right paw.
One more lap.
[Ruff ruff ruff]
What's the matter?
[Ruff ruff]
What do you smell, boy?
Whoa!
Neil!
[Whines]
[Ruff ruff ruff ruff]
[Tha-dump]
Neil!
Neil.
Neil!
[Ruff ruff]
[Ruff ruff ruff]
Aah!
My god!
What happened?
Well, uh...
Neil!
And what are you
waiting for?
Uh...
A tip?
Kyle, I know you're upset
about the vacation,
But that is really
no excuse
To throw a guest's dog
into the garbage!
I didn't throw him
in the garbage.
Then what happened?
No, don't tell me.
I'll guess.
You gave him a coffee-ground
bath to improve his coat.
He jumped off
the dog walk!
The dog is suicidal?
Is that what you're
trying to say?
He smelled
the monster on the ledge
and jumped over.
Oh, he smelled
the monster.
It makes sense now.
He smelled the monster
on the ledge!
It was the smelly
ledge monster!
Way to blow the tip,
psycho.
Aah!
Listen, because
I'm about to
pass sentence.
You are
both grounded!
We're already
grounded.
You're double grounded!
And, brian, no poker,
No videos, and no using
the security room
For your own
voyeuristic pleasures.
And, kyle, no...
[Telephone rings]
No...
[Ring ring]
I'll get back to you
on the punishment thing.
Mr. Grant,
sorry to disturb you.
There's been a robbery.
All right.
I'll be right there.
What about
his punishment?
Think of something
you really like.
You got it?
Yeah.
No that!
Good evening,
lord rutledge.
How was the play?
Delightful.
Haven't said
that word in months.
Now...
Show daddy
what you got, hmm?
[Titters]
I'm not amused.
I'm in no mood
for this, dunston.
Don't do this, dunston.
You remember what happened
to your brother...
Don't you?
Samson liked to
play games, didn't he?
Hmm?
And we all remember
what happened to samson,
Hmm?
Well...
[Mumbling]
For heaven's sake!
God, you
blithering idiot!
Aah!
[Thunk]
[Screeches]
Dunston, you're behaving
like a wild animal!
Dunston!
Dunston, come back here.
This job is not over.
The pie is only
just beginning!
Dunston,
daddy's sorry.
[Titters]
Dunston, I've got
some lovely bananas here.
[Titters]
Don't wave your
hairy bottom at me!
Dunston, remember,
we're partners!
This is business
straight down the line.
Come back here!
Dunston!
Dunston!
Leave it on, please.
Good night, buddy.
Good night, mom.
You still say
good night to mom?
Yeah.
That's not stupid
or anything...
Is it?
No, kyle.
It's not stupid
at all.
Mrs. Dellacroce
leaves for dinner.
Jewels
are still there.
Three hours later,
mrs. Dellacroce
returns.
The jewels are gone.
During that time,
Nobody else went
through that door,
mrs. Dubrow.
Who is that?
That's lord rutledge.
I wonder what
he's doing.
That's very odd.
Dunston?
Dunston!
Dunny...
The man from le monde.
My hand.
Stop it.
Stop it!
My hand.
Dad!
There's a gorilla
in the bathroom!
Kyle,
there is no gorilla
in the bathroom.
But, dad--
Go back to sleep.
I can't sleep now!
Then watch tv.
Nice black and white
movie.
You'll be out
in no time.
Send the riot squad.
Kong has escaped!
[Rrr]
[Slurps]
Kyle, go to sleep.
All right. All right.
You can sleep
with me tonight
If you're still scared,
but just tonight.
[Coughs]
Did you brush
your teeth?
What are you...
Are you wearing
your flannels?
[Ring]
Well, you slept
all over the place.
The bathroom!
Guess he really
has to go.
The camcorder!
No!
Dad's going to
k*ll you
When he finds out
you lost his
camcorder.
I didn't lose it.
The gorilla did.
Oh, right.
The gorilla.
When we get it back,
you'll see.
[Whistles]
Make that three
months' allowance
And six months
of making my bed.
Deal.
Oh, boy.
Hold on.
If anything
happens to me,
There's a box
of magazines
under my bed.
Get rid of them, o.k.?
Gotcha.
[Hums]
Brian, you o.k.?
Yeah, fine, kyle.
Hold on!
I found something!
Kyle!
What are you doing?
Excuse me, but, uh,
Can you stop
doing that?
You trying to
k*ll me?
See, my brother's
down there,
And, he, uh,
he gets...
Kyle, what the hell
are you doing?
Oof!
Uh...
H-hello.
Dunston, stop that!
Aah!
Oof!
I'm going to k*ll him!
I'm going to k*ll him!
Daddy's very angry,
dunston,
Very angry, indeed.
Oh! Ow! Ow!
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Aah!
Damn!
Aah!
Whoa!
Where are we going?
sh**t.
Dad's going to
k*ll me!
Gee...
Thanks...
Dunston?
That guy always
mean to you?
Don't worry.
No one's going
to hurt you.
I promise.
Robert!
Robert.
Robert!
The le monde spy
is named rutledge.
Lord rutledge?
You've met him?
Well, i--we passed
in the hall.
What did he say?
Just that the champagne...
That--that we are the--
The champagne
of hotels.
That bodes well for you,
doesn't it?
Almost there.
Hey, kyle!
Hi.
Get back in there!
Oh...
What have we here,
Hmm?
Room service?
We must have
a little talk later.
[Elevator dings]
Dunston, get back here!
Dunston?
* Ow, ow *
* All aboard
that funk boat *
* That I'm about
to start sailin' now *
* All you riggers
and all you party trickers *
* Everybody's in
the funky blowout *
* You know
where to set sail from *
* Just around the corner
from the portobello road *
* Downtown, w-10,
you're my best, baby *
* Baby, do what
you done told *
* I got bottles of beer
and a deck or two *
* All my friends
are now coming in *
* Lucy and jules
lookin' good, girls *
* So all aboard,
let the party begin *
* I'm on the mike,
I make you dance *
* I make you funk,
I make you sweat *
* From now
till the break of dawn *
* So get up the wall,
let's have a ball *
* Till the morning comes,
and I said *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Do what I say *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Don't do what I do *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Come on, have fun *
* Livin' in the city *
* Here we go... **
Dunston.
Dunston.
[Sighs]
ohh...
So far it's been
a ghastly trip.
Except for one thing...
Mr. Dellacroce
didn't come with me.
Oh, ha ha.
I'll be right back.
I'm going to go get
that special oil.
Don't be long.
Ooh!
Ah ha ha.
I didn't hear you
come in.
Oh, that's just
how I like it.
[Titters]
[Laughs]
yes!
Oh, william!
You are amazing!
Hoo hoo!
Oh!
William!
Oh, you are astounding!
I don't know
what you're doing,
but it's fabulous!
William.
Oh!
Ah ha!
Ooh!
Ouch!
Oh!
Ha ha ha!
Ouch! Ha ha!
Oh! More!
More, william, more!
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, william!
Don't stop, william.
William?
[Laughs]
william...
Oh, william!
[Pfft]
Dunston! Come on,
we got to get out
of here fast!
O.k. You stay here
and be very quiet.
My dad's
going to help us.
Don't worry, dunston.
I'll be right back.
Mmm.
Is that a loofah?
That feels great,
helaine.
Mmm. That's
interesting perfume.
Is that...musk?
Helaine,
what are you do--
Aah! Pervert!
Ouch.
But, dad,
kyle tried
to k*ll me!
[Cell phone rings]
You should put him
in a special school.
They'll take care
of him, cook for him.
What?
What is your brother
doing in the spa?
Dad!
It wasn't a monster.
It's a monkey,
and his name
is dunston!
And this guy
wants to hurt him,
and he's hiding!
What's going on
here?
Where is he?
Terribly sorry,
ladies.
But, dad,
he was here--
What is wrong with you?
How many times
have I told you
not to come down here?
What language
do you speak?
It's him,
the guy!
Told you, dad.
Crazy.
Brian!
That's him!
That's the guy!
This is him,
dad.
He's got a monkey
named dunston,
And he tried
to hurt him.
You're
in trouble now!
My dad's here!
Well...
Lord rutledge,
I am...
Terribly,
terribly sorry.
It's no wonder
this hotel is so
shoddily run.
You can't even control
one small boy, can you?
Well...
He's very...very sorry,
aren't you, kyle?
No! He tried to
hurt dunston!
Your son, sir,
is behaving
like a lunatic.
No, I'm not!
Enough!
Apologize
to lord rutledge.
But, dad--
Now.
I'm sorry.
Now get upstairs.
And stay there.
Ah...uh...
Lord rutledge, uh,
I would, um,
Very much like you
to be my guest
at dinner this evening.
Oh, how thrilling.
Well, excellent.
I'm sure you will enjoy
the cuisine here.
I doubt that the city
offers any dining
experience...
Ah. Ladies.
Please forgive me
for being
Quite so detained.
Mrs. Feldman,
mrs. Winthrop.
Mrs. Winthrop...
Mrs. Feldman.
Yes. Yes, of course.
Obviously.
Well, first of all,
Let me say
how grateful we all are
For the wonderful work
That your organization
has been doing
In its fight against, uh...
Ahem.
Tineaversicola.
It's a skin disease.
Not deadly, just...
Unsightly.
All the good diseases
were taken.
Yes. Yes, they were.
Now, I know that
your organization
Has been
to the four seasons.
I would be loath
to ever speak ill
of a competitor, but--
Holy sh*t!
He must really hate
the four seasons.
No! No! No!
I'm sorry.
I just wasn't prepared
to speak about monkeys--money!
Would you excuse me?
I'll be right back.
I will be...right back.
Ha ha! With the doorknob--
Ha ha. Oh, gosh!
Call security.
Everybody,
everybody, everybody!
Call the best animal
control person in the city.
Nancy, nancy...
Call kyle, and, uh,
Apologize for me.
I got a monkey
in my hotel.
Monkey!
[Singsong]
oh...monkey!
I wonder where he is.
* Yoo-hoo! *
* Here, here **
Aah--
Mr. Grant seems
very competent.
Yes.
Until he ran screaming
from the room, of course.
Of course.
Aah!
Aah!
[Horn honks]
Ahem.
[Cell phone rings]
Mm-hmm.
Okey-doke.
All these monkeys
Are...criminals?
Well...
That kind of
looks like him.
Pongo pygmaeus.
You've got
an orangutan
problem, mr. Grant.
Where did he
come from?
Well, ma'am,
When two orangutans
fall in love...
I...think
she means
How did he get
in the hotel?
Oh.
My guess...
The sewers.
I beg your pardon?
Hypothetical situation.
It's easter.
You think it might be cute
To put a baby orangutan
in your kid's basket.
Well, at first
it is cute.
Then it gets bigger.
The kids lose interest.
And then one night...
You flush it
down the toilet.
That's ridiculous!
You ever been
in the sewers
of this city,
Mr. Grant?
Well, I have!
I could tell you
stories...
Ooh!
I saw a turtle
one time...
Looked like
a volkswagen
with a tail.
It was 1967...
Summer of love.
I haven't felt
comfortable
Sitting on the john
since.
Since...1967?
Now, if he's contained...
It should be easy.
Dad!
No!
Dad,
what's going on?
Not now, son.
Excuse--aah!
Dad, why does he
have a g*n?
I'll tell you later.
Hey...
Sorry I didn't
believe you.
Now take off, o.k.?
This tranquilizer dart
Will knock a human out
for 18 hours.
And its effect
on an orangutan?
k*ll him,
most likely.
I don't want
anyone to say
That this monkey
made a monkey out of us.
Don't move
unless I say so!
If you see the monkey,
yell out loudly.
Murray! Murray, quick!
He got out!
He's in the kitchen!
You'd better
get there fast.
Dad's pretty mad!
Let's go!
Let's go!
Let's go.
Move. Move!
Dunston?
Dunston, it's me!
[Snores]
Mmm.
Dunston!
Where have you been?
Did you get lost?
[Door opens]
Shh.
Be quiet, o.k.?
Pongo pygmaeus.
[Kissing sounds]
Get off.
[Pfft pfft pfft]
[Pfft]
[Pfft]
[pfft]
[Pfft]
[pf-f-f-ft]
[Kissing sounds]
Go on, get off.
All right.
Don't get off.
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
[g*nsh*t]
Oh.
Let's try the plaza.
Ab-absolutely.
Are you crazy?
Did you get him?
No. I did not.
We're dealing with
a very smart animal here.
He's a psycho.
But I like
obsessive people.
They get things
done!
He's still here!
I can feel it.
Dunston!
Dunston, are you here?
It's me.
Dunston.
He's incredible, kyle.
He's absolutely
incredible.
Whoa.
Let's take a look.
It's a piece of glass.
[Shrieks]
If I'm going to
do this,
You'll have to
hold him.
He's scared.
Well, do what dad does.
Sing to him.
O.k.
* Happy birthday to you *
* Happy birthday to you *
* You look like a monkey *
* And you
act like one, too **
[Whimpers]
Dunston, I know it hurts,
But it's for
your own good.
It's like when
you get a shot
Or broccoli.
It's better if
you don't look at it.
Look at me, dunston.
Look at me.
It's going to be o.k.
Got it.
We got it, dunston.
Isn't he cool?
Sure, he's cool, kyle,
But what will we
do with him?
He can stay in my room.
Come on. Dad might be
a little preoccupied,
But I think he'll notice
an orangutan in your room.
Wait a minute.
We have lots of rooms.
O.k., Name?
"Lam binh ngoc."
What?
L-a-m...
B-i-n-h...
N-g-o-c.
Got it. Lam binh ngoc.
Dr. Lam binh ngoc.
Hotel thinks
you're a doctor,
You can get away
with anything.
[Elevator dings]
Let's go, dr. Ngoc.
Whoa.
Cool.
Impressive.
The royal suite.
How do you like it,
dunston?
Uh-oh.
Whoa!
[Burps]
Damn!
You've ruined
my retirement fund.
Treacherous little hairball.
Lord rutledge.
How was your meal?
Well, from the look
of the soup,
My guess is that
someone in your kitchen
Has a serious
hair-loss problem.
Other than that,
it was absolutely
delightful.
Good night.
Well...
How was his meal?
Well, I believe
he used the words
"absolutely delightful."
I hope so, you know,
Especially after
that little incident
With your son today.
Oh, mrs. Dubrow,
that was totally--
Robert,
I like children,
I really do,
But let me just
ask you this.
Do you think
there's a way
We can keep
your boys locked
in their rooms
Just until
the crystal ball
is over?
We can make a game
out of it.
We could call it
quarantine.
Mrs. Dubrow,
I can assure you
That there will be
no further incidents.
As of this moment,
They are both on
their best behavior.
[Crash]
Whoo!
Yeah! What a catch!
Incoming!
Whoo-hoo!
I'd like to order
two banana splits,
Extra bananas on each,
And a caesar salad
with extra bananas as well.
Roll! Roll!
Roll! Roll! Roll! Roll!
Roll! Roll! Roll!
Yeah!
All right!
All right!
You heard me. More bananas.
That's right. Bananas.
Mmm...
* Hey, come on
and have a ball *
* You're doin'
too much thievin'... **
Whoa!
Got it!
Whoo-hoo!
Well, dunston,
frisbee may not be
your game.
Don't worry.
That rutledge guy
will never find you here.
Come on, kyle.
We'd better go.
I'm coming.
Good night, dunston.
Thanks, brian.
For what?
Helping.
Hey, what the hell?
I'm grounded.
I got to
do something.
Boy, if dad
ever finds out
That we
checked dunston
into the hotel,
We'd be
in big trouble.
Well, I wouldn't
worry about that
if I were you.
For the next 24 hours,
Dad's going to have
his hands full.
Terrible.
[People moan]
Absolutely.
No.
In about half an hour.
Excellent.
Bravo.
Majestic...
Hotel.
Room service.
Word search--banana.
One banana.
Two bananas.
Well, dr. Ngoc,
Either you've got
a potassium deficiency
Or I think we might be
in business.
There it is.
It's just a zoo.
It's not great,
But at least
they'll be nice to you,
And you won't steal
or anything.
You see, everyone will be
at that stupid ball,
So I can sneak you
out the back.
[Knock on door]
That's brian.
[Gasp]
Dr. Ngoc, I presume.
Robert, gorgeous.
We have done...
A spectacular job.
[Speaking french]
Hey.
Hi.
Hello.
How are you doing?
Hi. How are you doing?
He brought a dog.
Would you
do me a favor?
Could you lose
the dog?
Say goodbye
to your friend.
He just became
an even more
Endangered species.
[Muffled screams]
Time to check out.
Get in that trunk.
Oh, so now you're ready
to go to work, are you?
Well, forget it.
Get in the trunk.
Oh...
So now we're
feeling repentant.
[Whimpers]
Go on, then.
Give daddy a big hug.
Look on the bright side.
You'll be joining
your brother very soon.
Aah! Aah!
[Muffled]
dunston, help me.
Help me, dunston.
Get it off.
Ow.
Lord rutledge...
The ball is this way.
No, but--
No, no, no buts.
You are my special guest
this evening.
Really?
Mrs. Dubrow,
I'm lionel spalding.
Of course you are.
Lord rutledge,
I'm elena dubrow.
I own this hotel.
This is the social event
of the season.
You wouldn't
want to miss it.
Do come in. Look.
Hello. How are you?
Come on, dunston.
I know a great way
out of here.
Come on.
Oh, I don't believe
I know your name.
Buck lafarge,
animal security.
How's it hanging?
Oh, well...
Mustela armenia--
Member of
the weasel family.
Oh!
Champagne?
Is it free?
Yes.
Dog.
Dog,
we're going to sit here.
Sit.
[Barks]
Aah!
Heel, dog.
Please heel.
Oh, no.
Lord rutledge.
See?
[Speaking german]
Brian, we got a big problem.
Kyle, I'm
a little busy here.
Dunston's in this room
right now.
Great move.
You were supposed
to keep him upstairs.
You won't believe
what just happened.
Rutledge got me,
and I found this
in his room.
Look at it.
All right.
Let's find dad.
[Dog barks]
I saw a turtle one time,
Looked like a volkswagen
with a tail.
Excuse me.
I'm sorry.
Could you
do something
about the dog?
What are you doing here?
Dad, you better take
a look at this.
It's a picture
of lord rutledge
and two monkeys.
I was just telling
lord rutledge
He should visit one
of our other fine hotels.
How are the mints?
Beg your pardon?
On your pillow
at night,
You like the mints?
Why, you...
Really? No mints?
My god.
He is thorough.
Hello, dunston.
Will you please--
Lord rutledge.
Mrs. Dellacroce.
Looking
for something?
Lost youth.
I'm in room 812.
Bye, darling.
He tied you up?
He's going to hurt dunston
if he finds him.
Please, dad.
You've got to help him.
O.k.
O.k.
You guys, you split up,
You find the monkey,
And you
take him upstairs
to the apartment.
I'm going to take care
of lord rutledge.
[Arf]
He's in there, fang?
[Arf]
All right.
As you were.
It was wonderful.
How can these women
wear fur?
I think everyone should know
How they
bludgeoned and tortured
The poor little animals.
That is why I always
carry pictures
Of the process.
That is how they do it
To poor little
bunny rabbits.
Oh, this is horrifying.
Why can't we treat
all creatures
With kindness
and respect?
Pig!
Can I help you
with something, son?
I'm looking for
a pongo pygmaeus.
I catch you looking
At my wife's
pongo pygmaeus
once more,
I'm going to
break you in half.
Right.
[Gasp]
Hi. How you doing?
Ah...
Oh, the baby quiche.
I love these.
Lovely. My mother
used to make these.
She did.
They're incredible.
Ah...
Shrimp boat.
Thank you.
[Hee hee hee]
There's a monkey head
in my lap!
A big, hairy monkey!
Monkey head!
Monkey head!
What are all you people
staring at me for?
You think I'm crazy,
don't you?
Well, I swear
it was a monkey head.
I know a monkey head
when I see one.
There's a monkey head
in there.
God, it's happening again.
Olé.
Monkey head!
Monkey head!
Why is everyone
in this hotel
Always slapping me?
The party's over, dunston.
Do something.
Do it yourself.
Aah! Aah!
[Glass breaks]
Sorry.
I'm going to give you
a sporting chance.
I'm going to count
to three.
I think
you are slightly
outnumbered.
Dunston, run!
Dunston, let's
get out of here.
Come on, let's go,
go, go, go, go!
Dunston?
[Ninja shouts]
No, no, no!
That's
the chateau lafitte.
Oh.
Good year.
Oh!
No, no.
Let me assure you,
Everything is just fine.
[Crash]
[Yelling]
Just fine.
We take great pride
In our beverage selection,
And it seems one
of our guests
Selected one
too many beverages.
Aah!
Aah!
Heh heh heh.
Let's not let, you know,
Such a tiny little incident
Spoil such
a wonderful evening.
And let me assure you
There is no monkey
in this hotel.
A monkey!
sh**t him.
No! Don't sh**t him!
That's coming out
of your check.
Now, come on.
I want him dead.
Teach him to come
into my hotel.
Come on. sh**t him.
Hyah!
Aah!
Whoa.
Ha ha ha!
You!
Aah!
Good show.
Thank you.
Watch the birdie.
So, am I
still grounded?
[Strained voice]
that's my boy.
This is for
tying up my kid.
Aah!
All right, dad.
Very well.
You did this.
You brought that monkey
into my hotel.
There's been
nothing but trouble
Since your
daddy started
working here.
You little spoiled brat!
Aah!
Aah!
Ooh!
Ah!
This is your fault,
You and those
children.
Mrs. Dubrow.
What?
Have you tried the cake?
You're...
Fired!
Just go home and
burn your résumés
Because you'll
never work
In the hotel business--
Don't you
walk away from me.
I'm still firing you!
Mrs. Dubrow,
I'm lionel spalding
From the le monde
traveler organization.
Congratulations.
You've managed to go
From a five-star hotel
To a one-star hotel.
Good night.
Aah!
Get your hands off me.
Terrible misunderstanding.
I'm utterly innocent.
This will be revealed
by my lawyers
As soon as I get
to a pay phone.
Dunston...
How could you?
[Pfft]
[pfft]
Dunston!
May I call you dunston?
I'm really, really sorry.
I was just trying
to do my job.
It was nothing personal.
Do you believe me?
I deserved that.
[Snoring]
You know,
I've never attacked
another human being
In my entire life.
Now I've dropped two
in the same day.
So how did it feel?
Great.
You do realize we'll
probably end up living
In a motel 6.
Yep.
Sounds pretty good to me.
Hello, dunston.
Nice to officially
meet you.
Dad, can we?
No, we can't.
We can't.
Please. He can stay
in my room.
I'll take
good care of him.
Kyle, listen to me.
Dunston can stay
with us tonight,
But tomorrow
we've got to find
another place for him.
[Whimpers]
It's a really nice zoo.
No one will be mean
to you or anything,
And you'll have friends.
No.
Monkey friends.
I'm not sure
where I'll be,
But I'll try
to come and visit you
Whenever I can.
[Knock on door]
It's them.
Mr. Dubrow?
Good morning, kyle.
Where's mrs. Dubrow?
Scouting hotel sites
in alaska.
We've come
to see your father.
So, what do you think?
I want you to stay.
This is the finest hotel
in the entire chain.
Yes, it is.
This is everything I've
ever dreamed of doing,
And now I've done it.
I think
I'd like a position...
That's a little less
demanding on my time.
Hmm.
Let me see
what I can do.
Mr. Dubrow, you know
lots of people, right?
Why do you ask?
I have this friend
Who's sort of in need
of a favor.
Uh-huh.
[Speaking japanese]
Lionel spalding...
And neil.
Welcome to
the bali majestic,
mr. Spalding.
The manager has been
expecting you.
Mr. Spalding,
I can't tell you
how pleased I am
That you decided to
accept our invitation,
Particularly after
those rather unfortunate
circumstances
Back in new york.
But as you can see,
We are far, far away
from there right now.
And my family and I
are dedicated
To making your stay here
at the bali majestic
As uneventful
and trouble-free
as is humanly possible.
Your room and meals
are complimentary.
If you'd like me to
arrange a line of credit
in the casino,
I'd be happy to do so.
You may hear some
of our native islanders
Out and around
the bushes.
There's nothing
to worry about.
I can guarantee you
There will be
no further incidents
to deal with.
Anytime
you need anything,
pick up the phone--
Dad, uh--
Just a moment, kyle.
One of things
I want to tell you about
Is the bali-hai buffet,
Which we offer every day
at breakfast and lunch.
No!
* Ow, ow *
* All aboard
that funk boat *
* That I'm about
to start sailin' now *
* All you riggers
and all you party trickers *
* Everybody's
in the funky blowout *
* You know where
to set sail from *
* Just around the corner
from the portobello road *
* Downtown, w-10,
you're my best baby *
* Baby, do what
you're done told *
* I got bottles of beer
and a deck or two *
* All my friends
are now coming in *
* Lucy and jules
lookin' good, girls *
* So, all aboard,
let the party begin *
* I'm on the mike,
I make you dance *
* I make you funk,
I make you sweat *
* From now
till the break of dawn *
* So get up the wall,
let's have a ball *
* Rummin' out
till the morning comes *
* And I said *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Do what I say *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Don't do what I do *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Come on *
* Have fun
livin' in the city *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Do what I say *
* Have fun, go mad *
* Don't do what I do *
* Have fun, go mad *
* So, come on *
* Have fun
livin' in the city *
* Here we go *
* Have, have, have *
* Have fun *
* So, let it be,
let it be my *
* My turn to dance *
* So makin' the space up
and on the floor *
* 'Cause I really want
to take this chance *
* To bust a move,
thrust a move *
* Just to move,
you know I got no shame *
* I wanna do it again,
I wanna do it again *
* I wanna do it, do it,
do it, do it, do it *
* Do it, do it again **
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Dunston Checks In (1996)
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