(Marching band music playing)
(Whistle blowing)
Uhh.
(Groans)
(Groans)
(Sighs)
(Whistles)
(Plink)
(Plinking)
Ha.
(Cereal crackling)
(Sighs)
Come on, boy.
Let's go to work, boy.
(Screech)
We're late, man.
We're late.
Oh, just great.
There's wilkes.
Give me the keys!
Why?
Just give me
The keys, man.
Just hit the possum
Next time.
We're federal agents.
Duh!
Whoa, whoa,
Hey, hey!
Hey, you guys can't
Park right here.
It's ok. We're with
The government.
Oh, yeah?
Is that right?
Well, I'm with
Mall security.
Now, you federal boys might
Call the shots out there,
But when
You're in this mall,
You're under
My jurisdiction,
And that car's parked
In a fire zone!
That's right, sir.
You're absolutely right.
What's your name?
Hill.
Officer hill,
How you doing, sir?
I'm fine.
I'm agent simms with
The secret service agency.
We have a major operation
Going on here,
And we'll need your help.
I see you're a sharp man.
Can we count on you?
Yes, sir,
You can count on me.
Now, I need you
To watch this car.
Guard it with your life.
Can you do that?
Yes, sir, I can.
What's so important
About this car?
If I told you that,
I'd have to...you know.
Oh, yeah, I get it.
I understand.
Take good care of.
No problem.
I gotta make you an honorary
Secret service agent.
Yes, sir.
Grab my shoulders.
Grab your
Shoulders.
Frisk me.
Frisk you.
Turn around.
Give me a bump.
There you go.
Thank you very much.
Yes, sir.
Guard the car.
Just guard
The car.
Why don't you just
sh**t him next time?
(Cereal crunching)
Let's go. We're late.
Hey, I still
Have milk left.
Leave it.
We're late...as usual.
I'm not
Taking the fall
For you this time.
Let's go.
Move it.
Good morning.
Luke, honey,
Um, you're
10 Minutes late.
We were supposed
To leave at 9:30.
Woods, why didn't
You say something?
Agent woods, you're supposed
To remind him of the time.
He's--he's a child.
He can't keep
His own schedule.
I--i did. I--
Let's go. Ok?
Let's go.
Ok.
Don't worry about it.
Just follow my lead.
I think I found it!
What?
Bark.
(Barking)
Aah!
How you doing, sir?
Fine.
Major simms,
Secret service.
Agent dash,
Secret service.
Got a little b*mb threat
Here with the doughnuts.
Could we check out
Those bear claws?
Yes, sir.
No! Do you want
To blow us all up?
No.
Be careful.
Get that big bear claw.
Don't use your hands,
Man!
Use that tong!
Where you from?
Now, hurry up.
Might be on a timer.
And get those little
Peanut clusters.
Could be a peanut b*mb.
And get the little
Candy sprinkles.
They love to use that.
The enemy is real hip
To the candy thing.
Sir, can we check
A frosty long john, please?
I don't think so,
Agent dash!
Could you put those in
A box for the b*mb squad?
Yes, sir.
Freeze! I'll be
Back in a minute.
Don't you move,
Don't you breathe.
Any kind of pressure
Could set this off.
(Sirens)
I don't want
Any incidents today.
You are in high school now and
I expect you to act like it.
Then don't dress me
In these dorky clothes.
You're not dressed
In dorky clothes.
You're in nice clothes.
You look very handsome.
You should consider
Yourself lucky.
I should consider
Myself dorky.
(Chuckles)
My man? My man?
Hand me the box.
Thank you for
Watching it for us.
Your country
Thanks you, ok?
Yes, sir.
Cool. Oh!
Dash, how many times
Do I have to tell you
We can't have
Doughnuts on duty!
Sir,
This is agent dash.
I think you remember him
From this morning.
Roger?
Yes, sir?
Tell cliff
I can't hold his dog
When he goes
To the bathroom.
I just can't.
I have my own job to do.
Ok.
You keep this up
And you're going to be
On field duty forever.
If morton had seen that,
You'd be laying your badge
On the counter right now.
I mean it.
Come on, sir,
I'm just joking.
You're always
Just joking,
And jokers don't
Protect the president.
They stay in the field.
That's not fair, sir.
You know when it comes
To my job I'm serious.
I'm out there,
Taking care of business.
I've proven myself.
I know you have, sammy,
But it's not about that.
It's about
The little things.
The doughnuts,
The fake dog poop
At the inaugural.
Not funny, sir.
That was not funny.
The right attitude!
From now on,
If I could get crown,
I have
The right attitude, ok?
I'll buy more little
Brown ugly clip-on ties.
I will do
Whatever it takes.
I'm going by the book
From now on.
They'll call me
Sammy "by the book" simms.
Sir, here's that
expl*sive coffee,
2 Sugars.
Radio: package is
Approaching the mall, sir,
And it has arrived.
Ok, caravan's here.
Get out there.
Yes, sir.
Leave the doughnuts!
Ok, sir.
Put the bear claw back.
Thank you very much.
(Marching band music playing)
(Crowd cheering)
(Sirens)
(Cameras clicking)
Mom, look at
All these cameras!
I'm not going
In there.
Of course you are.
We do this every year.
I'm not going in there.
Do you want me
To call your father?
Why not? At least
I'd get to talk to him.
Look, I know
This is hard,
But you are going
To get out of the car
And when you do,
You are going
To be the happiest kid
That ever went
Back-to-school shopping.
Ok, sweetheart?
(Rattles door handle)
Ok. All right.
That's great. Come on.
Open the door.
(Grunts)
(Unlocks door)
Mm-hmm.
(Crowd cheering)
(Reporters shouting questions)
Mom, can I try
One of these?
No. We have
A schedule to keep.
We were late leaving,
Remember?
Mom, it'll just
Take a minute.
Be a good boy. Don't
Embarrass your mommy.
Ow!
Ok...
Dead people
Wear this stuff.
Reporter: ha!
Did you hear that?
(Sighs) kids don't
Like dress clothes.
What can I say?
Mom, I said I didn't
Want to shop here.
Luke...
Man:
Big smile now.
Get rid of the cameras.
Let's go.
What are
You doing?
Why do we have
To shop here?
Because america
Shops here.
Your father runs america
So we shop here.
You don't shop here.
Never mind
Where I shop.
Would you help me
With this, please?
Mrs. Davenport,
How do you find time
To shop with
Your busy schedule?
You heard your mother.
Put these on.
It's a balancing act
For all working mothers.
And when you get
Right down to it,
That's what I am.
Get your butt in
The dressing room.
Luke: ow!
What are you doing?
Luke:
You're hurting me!
What do you think
You're doing?
Don't ever touch him
That way again.
He wouldn't move.
You told me to put him
In the dressing--
That is not what I meant
And you know it.
Get in the dressing
Room, please.
(Sighs)
What?
I don't want him
Guarding my son anymore.
You get me an agent
Who can deal with a child.
Reporter:
You picking that up, brian?
(Scoffs)
Woods:
Unbelievable.
Thank you.
Simms! Simms!
(Reporters shouting)
(Reporter laughing)
(Cameras clicking)
You've been in
The service 5 years.
2 Meritorious
Service awards.
Why is your earpiece
Not in your ear?
Oh, sir, the high
Frequencies bother me,
So I take it out
From time to time
Just to relieve
The pressure.
It seems there's always
Something with you, simms.
"My bulletproof vest
Causes chafing"?
It's a family thing, sir.
More like a rash.
"My photo i.d.
Makes me look fat."
Sir, I've lost a lot
Of weight since then.
I've been
Working out--
Sit down.
It's--
Shut up.
Listen,
I understand
You did a good job
In the field today.
But even so,
You've got a file
Full of borderline
Regulation infractions,
Which is why what
I'm about to do
Is against
My better judgment.
This afternoon you'll be
Assigned a new detail.
Effective at 1700 hours,
You'll be full-time
In crown...
Yes!
As the personal agent
To the first kid...
No.
Code name "prince," also
Known as luke davenport.
I am so flattered,
You just don't know.
That's--that's
A nice job.
It's just that I don't
Want to be a baby-sitter.
I was thinking more about
Guarding eagle himself.
Wait. Does he think
I'm asking him?
This is not
A request.
You wouldn't
Even be here
If it wasn't for
The d-sac here.
I'm gonna be
Watching you, simms,
And the second you screw up,
You're gonna be working
Credit card fraud
In east cleveland!
Do you hear me
Or am I yelling at
Too high a frequency?
No, sir. I've got
My earpiece in.
Get outta here.
Yes, sir.
I appreciate your
Confidence in me, sir.
Don't say "sir."
Just go.
Yes--no.
And lose that tie!
Looks like you robbed
A dead clown.
Thanks, sir.
It's the first time
I got in trouble
Before I did anything.
Hey, you wanted
To guard eagle, right?
Now, this is the start.
You do a good job
With prince
And this is
The admission ticket.
Hey, that's no problem.
He's just a kid.
How bad can it be?
Ha!
What did that mean, sir?
Ha ha ha!
Why you laughin'?
What--what are you
Doing, kid?
Leave the snake
In there.
Leave the snake
In the cage.
No, leave--the snake
Is happy in the cage.
He doesn't want to be
Out the cage!
They want to be
In the jungle.
I've seen this on
Wild kingdom.
So, you like snakes.
No, I don't like snakes.
Meet poison.
Want to hold her?
Don't play games!
I swear--i swear--
Here.
Whoa!
Aah!
Excuse me,
Mr. President, sir, ma'am.
Take him!
Ugh!
What is
Going on here?
I was just
Telling him--
I'll be doggone
If he wasn't right.
This is much heavier
Than I thought.
It's not 15 pounds.
I was wrong.
Luke, we need
To talk about
Your behavior
This morning.
Hey, I was just--
It wasn't my fault.
I was just
Trying on clothes!
Will you give us
A second?
In fact, take this snake
And put him back
Where he belongs,
Will you, please?
Sir--
Here, take him.
I'll take him.
Luke, I face an election
In 2 months.
Simms: eww!
This is nasty!
I cannot sustain another
Incident like this.
The timing is very bad,
You understand?
Where's your head?
Don't you bite me!
Yeah, sure.
Good boy.
I thought so.
Thanks.
Ow! He bit me!
I'm bleeding!
You walked
Brandy yet?
No.
Don't bite me
Again!
Luke, we talked
Earlier today
About
Responsibilities.
You want the dog,
You have to walk it.
Fine.
Breathe--
Luke! Help!
Come on, hon.
Snake--luke--
Ooh! Ah-ha! Ooh!
Luke, wait--luke!
Help--luke, wait!
Luke, help me!
Come on, brandy,
Let's go.
Come here, come here.
(Snake thuds)
Simms! Simms!
Hey, I have an idea.
Why don't you
Walk the dog?
I have
A better idea. No!
Why not?
It's not in my
Job description, ok?
Well, if I walk the dog,
You have to come, right?
Yes, I do.
Well, let's just
Cut out the middle man.
I'm not paid to walk
The dog, ok?
(Dog whines)
Come on, brandy.
I'm paid to walk the weasel.
Snake skin!
Luke! Luke!
(Sighs) did you see
The kid come out here?
Yes, sir.
Then why didn't
You stop him?
He lives here.
I'm not gonna say it.
I--i'm not...
Luke! (Echoing)
(Brandy barking)
(Footsteps)
(Barking)
(Laser buzzing)
Got a perimeter breach.
Bring up sector 47.
Yes, sir. 47 Coming up.
Simms: oh, just great.
Ok, it's official.
I don't like this kid.
(Sirens)
(g*ns c*ck)
(Tires screech)
(Barking)
Morton: freeze!
Luke?
Luke, there you are!
Hey. Whoo!
I found him.
This boy can hide!
I tell you, man,
If there was an international
Hide-and-seek team,
He'd be the captain.
This--oh, so everybody
Wants to play.
That is so messed up.
Why didn't anybody tell me?
Ok, duck...duck...
Duck...look at you,
Trying to be so serious.
Duck...goose. Go ahead!
(Laughs)
Go ahead!
Well, if y'all
Don't want to play,
Why'd you come out here?
Huh? What?
What's everybody
Doing out here?
We're responding to
A perimeter breach.
What are you guys
Doing out here?
Playing hide-and-go-seek.
Right, luke?
Is that right, luke?
Come on, tell him
What we're doing.
Tell him, luke.
I'll find you!
Only 6 hours on the job and
Already an escape attempt?
That's one, simms.
False alarm! False alarm!
Let's lose these lights!
(Guards grumbling)
Morton:
And lose that tie!
Yeah, why don't
You make me?
"That's one, simms.
"Know what's next? Two.
Know what's
After that? Three."
Oh, just great.
Like I'm not out here.
Forget me.
(Beep)
Welcome, you have mail.
All right!
Luke: mongoose12.
"Hi, viper. Cool screen name.
How old are you?"
(Beep, typing)
Luke: 13 1/2,
21 If you're an older girl.
(Beep)
"Where are you from?"
"...arlington.
We should meet sometime."
Cool.
"Me, too. School sucks.
Let's talk again."
(Knock on door)
It's bedtime!
(Zap)
You online?
Yeah, I was.
Who you talking to?
None of your business.
You don't tell anybody
Who you really are, do you?
No. Do I look like
An idiot to you?
Online, I'm just
Like anybody else.
You know, normal,
Like any other kid?
You ought to
Try that here.
What?!
I said go to bed.
Just be careful out there
In cyberspace, all right?
Be careful what
You tell people.
Thanks!
Hey, you can go now.
Oh, and by the way, stop
Telling me what to do.
You're not my dad.
Lucky for me.
What?!
Nice pjs. Bet they have
Feet on them, don't they?
Ppllh!
(Thunder)
(Low chatter)
How you doing?
Bartender:
What do you need?
Give me a harvey
Wallbanger.
Make it
A harvey oswald.
What's the difference?
Harvey oswald's
Got 3 shots.
(Chuckles)
Bartender:
Last one, woods.
Hey, I want you to know
I'm sorry about what
Happened in the mall.
No hard feelings?
Hard feelings?
Are you serious?
You didn't
Take my job, simms.
I got no problem
With you.
I just got a
6-Month paid vacation
Courtesy of the service.
I lied to the shrink.
(Chuckles)
Ha ha ha! (Snorts)
It was a living hell,
Anyway.
Never been so happy to be
Off a detail in my life.
I'll be back.
See you.
All right.
Does he always
Drink like that?
No. He had a bad day.
He lost his job.
Fired? He just told me
He lied to psychiatry.
No. He failed his
Fitness for duty exam.
Oh, man.
But, hey, thanks
For the good word.
I really
Appreciate it.
Don't mention it.
Don't go making me
Look bad
And don't blow your shot
At eagle like woods did.
Hey, I'm not
Gonna do that.
That's the reason
I joined the agency.
See you later, sammy.
Uh, you got a second?
Sure.
I been thinking
About something.
Remember the time you got
Shot protecting reagan?
Oh, yeah. You don't
Forget being shot.
Hurts really bad.
How much time between
Seeing the sh**ter
And jumping for ronnie?
Did I think before I jumped
In front of that b*llet?
Is that what you mean?
Yeah.
Nope. It's the job.
They elect him,
We protect him.
You don't have
Time to think.
You hesitate to protect,
He's dead, end of story.
But you don't have
Anything to worry about.
Nobody wants
To sh**t that kid.
Spank him, maybe,
But not sh**t him.
No, you're gonna be fine.
Ok. See you tomorrow.
Thank you, sir.
Unlock the door.
Unlock--unlock the door!
Unlock the door!
Unlock the do--
I'd like to welcome you all
To georgetown academy.
I'm ms. Lawrence,
Your teacher,
And this is science 101.
I see that some of you
Recognize one of our
Classmates. For those of you
Who don't know,
This is luke davenport.
And because of luke's
Special circumstances,
His friend will also
Be joining us all year.
This is...mr. Swims?
Uh, no, no. Simms.
Mr. Simms. Let's make them
Feel welcome.
(Clapping)
Yes, robert?
Yes. How many times has
Mr. Simms been left back?
(Class laughing)
Ms. Lawrence: very clever,
Mr. Macarthur.
I hope to see
Some of that cleverness
Put to good use this year.
Let's not pick on mr. Simms.
Let's take a look
At the syllabus
And see what we'll
Be studying this year.
(Knock on door)
Hey, your mom and dad
Are waiting downstairs,
And I'm not taking
The fall like woods.
We're late.
Now, let's go.
What's that?
My--my homework.
Is that all right
With you?
Man: let's welcome our friend
In the white house,
The president
Of the united states,
Paul davenport!
Sir, sorry I'm late.
I had some milk.
I'm lactose intolerant--
Shut up, simms.
What is that?
What, sir?
That!
Ha! Very funny, sir.
This is
A black tie affair.
I know, sir,
And I got it covered.
I'm black
And I'm wearing a tie.
Don't go there.
Sorry, sir.
Can I ask you
A question?
No, but you're gonna.
Is the agency
Jealous of my style?
We are.
I'm serious! I mean,
Why can't my clothes
Fit my personality?
Bright, bold, colorful?
I'm a good agent.
I think it's time for
The agency to change, sir.
You're right.
Change into this.
Thanks for
Your support, sir.
Sir, I got to
Check something.
What?
Trust me.
I'll put that on.
I gotta check
Something out, sir.
...linda and me back to the
White house for 4 more years.
(Applause)
(Muttering)
(Hissing)
No! Not the snake!
I hate snakes!
(Hissing)
(Thud) ow!
That's it! I quit!
I got it! Hey!
Don't you kick me!
I'll have you arrested
For stinky feet!
Aah!
I got gum in my afro!
That's it. It's official.
I'm gonna k*ll this kid.
He's dead.
(Sighs) it's the snake.
Don't you bite me!
Gotcha! Lady, shh!
Please...
Don't...scream.
(Operatic scream)
What's going on?
Poison, sir.
Man: poison!
Woman: poison!
Aah!
(Woman screaming)
(Glass breaking)
Code 3!
Get the paramedics!
Lunch has
Been poisoned!
Urgh! No!
(Crowd screaming)
No! Oh, he's licking me!
He's licking me with
The little licky tongue!
Wait a minute!
He's trying to bite me!
Oh! Grab it!
Hey, that's my head!
Want a cabbage head?
Take this cabbage head!
How about some bean dip,
Mister? Huh?
I got something for you!
I got something for you!
(Squelching)
Ha ha ha!
(Snickering)
Sir, I've taken care
Of the situation.
(Splat)
(Girls talking)
(Laughing)
(Clank)
(Boys laughing)
Ha! I told you
He's such a dork.
Rob:
Hey, turn around!
Boy: yeah,
Turn around! Ha ha!
Simms, can you
Give me some space?
No problem.
This better?
Do you want me to tell
Morton about that tie?
Ok, then back off.
You're suffocating me.
Fine.
I'd like to suffocate you.
It's a dream I have.
Rob: hey, guys,
Check this out.
Boy: come on, rob.
Go get him.
(Cameras clicking)
Boy: watch this.
Ha ha!
Hey, want to come
Eat with us?
No, thanks.
(Boys talking)
Why not?
You think you're
Better than everyone?
Not everyone.
Pff.
Did you hear what
He just said to me?
You don't ever
Say that to rob.
All right, mr. Luke.
Let's see how you do
On your own.
I don't think you're
Better than...anyone.
Whatever.
Hey, we just want
To know how it feels
To be the biggest butt
In the world!
'Cause we saw it all over
The news the other night.
Yeah. I'm sure it looked
Just like your face.
Hey!
Nah.
Oh, we're not so cool without
Our baby-sitter now, are we?
He's not
My baby-sitter.
I knew it.
He's a wuss!
Hit him!
Come on, let's go!
Just like his dad,
The draft dodger, right?
"First kid"? Ha ha!
Come on! Come on!
Unh!
He slaps like my sister.
(Children laughing)
You know,
As a matter of fact,
I think my sister slaps
A little bit harder.
Shut up!
Get out of here!
Hey, where you going?
First wuss, I'm over here.
Come on, you dork!
Let's go!
Come on! Hit me!
Come on, slap me!
You can do it.
Dash, get these
Photographers out of here.
Let's go. Come on.
Hit me!
Girl: come on!
Get out of the way!
Unh!
Hey, what are you doing?
Put me down!
(Crying)
Simms: the show's over!
Everybody back off!
Are you all right?
You ok, luke?
Rob: man,
That's what you get!
Oh, I bet
That hurts.
Can you take him
To get cleaned up?
Come on, let's go.
I hope you don't
Need stitches.
Mr. Simms!
Can I talk to you
For a minute?
Me?
If you're not going
To protect him,
Then I suggest you recommend
Someone who will.
Excuse me?
Where were you while
He got beat up?
That's none of your
Business, all right?
And the kid asked
For some space.
Well, I suggest
You give him less space.
Don't tell me
How to do my job, ok?
And I won't tell you
How to teach
Your little boring
Science class.
Luke is in
A tough situation.
He's got a high profile,
He's in a new school,
He needs your support.
I know how this kid
Operates, you don't.
The last thing
He needs is support.
And what is it
He needs?
He just got it.
You know, you need
To learn how to box.
Why? That's what you're
Supposed to be for.
Wrong. My job
Is to protect you
From psychos,
Wackos, kidnappers--
Not 14-year-old boys wearing
Blue blazers, all right?
But you know what?
That's unfortunate for you,
Because as much trash
As you talk,
You need to learn how
To defend yourself.
I didn't ask you
For your advice,
So just take me home.
Know what?
All I got to do is
Keep him out of trouble
Till I get bumped
To eagle. That's all.
...not counting the half
Million we had in bosnia.
Paul, hello.
I'm terribly sorry.
Ahem.
Oh.
Honey, uh...
You know the joint chiefs.
Hello, generals,
Admirals.
Linda, I am in
The middle of a meeting
With the joint chiefs
Of staff.
Can't this wait?
Yes, it can wait,
If you want to see it
On the news tonight.
He was in a fight, paul.
President:
Ah-ha. Um...
Guys, could you give us
A few seconds?
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
I guess that nuclear treaty
Can wait.
Hmm.
Sit down over there.
Sit.
All right,
What happened?
Well, that's what
I'd like to know.
We're looking
Into it.
We may be making
Some changes.
Well, now, let's
Hold up on that.
I'm sure simms would've
Stopped it if he could have.
Now, how did
This incident begin?
Well, sir,
One of the boys--
Luke: it was just
Something stupid.
Now, look, luke,
Your mother and I
Are going to be out on
The campaign trail
For a while,
And while we're gone,
I really need you to be
On your best behavior.
Now I hate to do this,
But while we're gone,
You're grounded.
How long are you
Gonna be gone?
About a month.
What?! I have to stay
In the house
While you guys go
Travel all over?
This sucks!
You guys have all the fun!
Watch your language.
President: linda?
I think he just needs
Some time to cool off.
Mmm.
Ahem.
Luke!
Brandy,
You seen luke?
(Brandy whimpers)
I'm not in the mood
For games, luke.
Where are you?
I heard about this.
They told me
This was closed off.
I can't believe this kid
Got this thing open.
(Creaks)
(Luke crying)
Luke?
What is this place?
Simms: you ok?
What are you doing
Down here?
What's the difference?
Nobody cares.
If you hadn't come, no one
Would even known I was gone.
That's not true.
Now, your mother and
Father would have.
Sooner or later
They would have known.
Trust me, it would
Have been later.
I'm here. I care.
Yeah, so?
It's your job.
You don't even like it.
"I just gotta keep him
Out of trouble
Till I get bumped
To eagle."
Did--did I get
That right?
I should've
Never said that.
I was angry with you.
You make me look
Stupid at my job.
You throw a snake on me,
You sneak out
The white house.
But I should never
Have said it. I'm sorry.
Come on, luke, you got
A pretty good life here.
You're the first kid.
Why would you
Want to run away?
I can't go out.
I--i never see
My parents.
I don't have
Any friends.
I've never
Kissed a girl.
That would do it.
I understand.
That would make me
Run away myself.
I'm sure you didn't
Have to live like this
When you were a kid.
You were lucky.
Oh, I see.
You're the only one
That has some problems
In life.
Let me tell you
About myself.
When I was your age,
I lost my father in vietnam.
My mother had
To work 2 or 3 jobs
Just to take care of me,
So I was always
By myself.
You're the lucky one.
You got both your parents.
Yeah. I see them
Every night on the news.
No. That's your booty
You've been seeing
On the news.
Did you laugh?
Did--did I see a laugh?
There's hope, people.
There's hope
For this man. Ha!
See, it's not that bad.
Say we go upstairs,
Go in the kitchen,
Get something to eat
And talk like 2 men.
The kitchen's closed.
I'm double-o simms.
I can get to any kitchen.
How come you had trouble with
Those guys at your table today
They only want to be friends
With me because of my dad.
How do you figure that?
'Cause everyone does.
So how do you know when
Somebody likes you for you?
I guess I don't.
Simms?
Yeah?
You know that kid
That hit me today?
Yeah, vaguely
I remember that incident.
What took you so long
To get there?
Oh, man. You know, I usually
Wear a size 36 underwear,
But somebody gave me
Some 34s in the store,
So I had a little
Wedgie thing going on,
So I'm standing
Like this and...
I'm sorry, ok?
It'll never happen again.
I promise you that,
'Cause I'm your partner--
Double-o simms,
All right?
(Traffic noises)
Simms: I need
An insurance policy.
A tracking device.
ill*gal?
No, no.
The word is "covert."
You want the subject
To know or not?
Not.
Well, here's
The best stuff I got,
And all of it is "covert,"
So don't arrest me, sam.
(Whistling)
So take one, my brother.
Let's see what you got.
Yeah, ok. Wait a minute.
See, this is cool.
This is the kind of stuff
I'm talking about.
The agency doesn't even
Have this stuff yet.
That's 'cause they don't
Have me no more.
You're the best, man.
I want you to know that.
Now, mr. Genius,
Where's the transmitter?
If I told you that,
I'd have to k*ll you.
h*!
Now, here's
The tracking unit.
Works off the global
Positioning satellite system.
Now, I modified it,
Of course.
(Beeping)
I like this.
Sam, don't forget
To recharge it, ok?
Naw, cool.
Can--can I charge this
With my atm card?
My dad works for
The government, too.
"Does he?"
Cool. (Laughs)
(Door opens)
Say, luke, dinner time.
It's all pg-rated stuff
On there, right?
This the only guy
You chat with online?
(Zap) yeah, I guess.
He's just my online pal.
You know, another kid.
And he doesn't know
Who you are, right?
Yes, simms.
I just had to check, man.
Make sure you're listening.
Look, I got you something.
No, no, no.
Stand up and lean over.
I want to put it on you.
Spent all that money,
I want to see how it looks.
Come here. Had to get
A night job to pay for that.
Well, what's it for?
Because I like you.
Yeah, thanks.
Thanks a lot.
All right!
What's up, my man?
How you doing?
Oh, hey, mongoose 12,
What's up with this?
Little cat online,
I need you to check him out.
Ok, we're really
Backed up down here.
Is this really
A priority?
No, man, but I really
Need the help.
All right, I'll get
To it when I can.
Thanks, man.
Yeah.
(Bell rings)
Katie: luke! Luke!
Are you busy tonight?
No, no. Not that busy.
A bunch of us are
Going to the movies.
Do you want to come?
I guess I can't.
Oh.
Thanks, anyway.
Ok. I guess
I'll see you monday.
Bye.
B-bye!
Want to see a movie?
Man, we get any movie
Playing in any theater, right?
Take it back to the crown,
Watch it in the private
Screening room,
No lines, no big-head family
Sitting in front of you
If you can't see the screen.
Huh? Sound good?
Yeah. It'll be
A barrel of laughs.
(Knock on door)
Luke! Luke!
I didn't say you could
Come in here! Ok? Leave!
What's going on, man?
What's this? Ah,
I see what's happening.
I had one of these.
You gonna run away, huh?
(Unzips bag)
Wait a minute,
Wait a minute.
No peanut butter
And jelly?
Man can't live without
Peanut butter and jelly.
(Sighs)
Look, I don't
Blame you, man.
Must be tough
Living in a fishbowl.
I know one thing--running
Away is not the answer.
When I was 13, I didn't
Want to hear that, either.
So what are we gonna do?
You know,
I'm gonna regret this.
I am. Simms, you're
Gonna regret this.
I know this.
I'm gonna lose my job.
Then I'm gonna be
Running away
'Cause I'm not gonna
Have a place to live,
I can't pay rent,
But I'm gonna do this.
Know why? 'Cause
I care about you.
I hope you know how much
Trouble I could get in.
One day
When you're old,
You'll go, "simms,
You were the man."
I'm willing
To take you out...
Under 2 conditions--
First of all, you got to
Make the pinky promise--
It's the deepest
Promise 2 men can make.
No. The pinky.
Look, there you go.
You gotta get out
More often, kid.
First of all, you got to
Promise not to tell anybody
About what we're doing, ok?
Number 2--
You have to promise
Not to ever run away
While we're out there.
All right?
Yeah. I promise.
All right.
So where
Are we gonna go?
Want to see
What's happening?
We'll hang out with
Some other kids,
See what you've
Been missing.
Got one problem, though.
Now, I know how to
Get us out of here.
I just don't know how
To make 'em believe
That we're still here.
I do.
(Knock on door)
Luke!
Computer:
I'm sleeping.
Get out the bed--
Wait a minute.
What's going on here?
Luke!
Leave me alone.
I'm in here!
I knew it was gonna happen.
Your brain's been sucked
Into the computer, man!
Uh-huh. "Parent guard 2.--
Oh, I get it. Luke!
I said go away!
Luke!
I'm not hungry.
Very nice.
Where'd you get this?
I picked it up off
The kid internet.
So, how you gonna
Get me out of here?
Don't worry.
It's in the bag.
Shh, shh, shh.
This is really stupid.
You look stupid.
It's ok. It's all right.
Hey, guys.
Hey, dash! I forgot--
Didn't I ask you
To do something?
No, sir.
Are you sure?
Yes, sir.
Then go get the car.
Well, where's luke?
Computer:
Leave me alone.
He was sleeping until
You just woke him up.
Well, who's that?
This is--this is
His friend reggie.
Hi, luke's
Friend reggie.
Computer:
I said go away.
They had a little argument.
It's ok, man.
Could you go get
The car, please?
His mother just called.
I got to get the boy home.
He has a medical problem.
Whatever you do,
Don't say anything.
Ok.
I'm sorry.
Duh--gee--get in here!
So you're a friend
Of luke's, huh?
I didn't think
He had any friends.
Hey, did you fill
The car with gas?
Yes, sir.
Ok.
(Deep voice)
Do you, uh, like luke?
What do you think?
He's a pompous brat--
Hey, hey! You never discuss
The protectee with a stranger.
Now, you know that.
That's code.
Reggie knows
Luke's a pain the butt.
Everyone who's ever
Met luke knows that.
(Deep voice)
Is that right?
(Normal voice)
Am I a pain in the butt?
(Tires screech)
Yes...you are
A pain in the butt.
I told you to keep
Your mouth shut.
We are going back
Right now!
Wait, wait, wait.
Look, we're already out here.
Why don't we just
Keep on going?
Are you crazy?
Go where?!
To a federal
Penitentiary?
Look, I just want
The kid to go out
And hang out with some
Regular kids for a while,
Then we go on back.
Simms, this is
Unauthorized, unknown,
And felonious removal
Of the protectee
From federally
Secured grounds!
You're gonna
Get me fired!
Noreen will not marry
A guy who is fired!
That's a personal problem.
Don't mix it in with
Our job, all right?
It's a little joke.
Just a little joke.
Look, the kid's
Gonna hang out,
Have a little fun,
Then we'll go on back.
Now, what could be
Wrong with that?
There's about 37 things
Wrong with that.
Unauthorized removal--
No, you will not
List them all.
I will smack you
If you list them all!
Look, the kid
Was gonna run away,
So by keeping
The kid with us,
We're doing our job
And protecting him.
In essence, we're going
A step above our job.
We're doing a great thing
For our country,
And noreen would love that.
Yeah.
I'm relieving you
Of seniority of post
Pursuant to section 13
Of the federal agency code.
Relax, luke.
Everything's fine.
We're going back
Right now.
Fine.
(Tires squealing)
I'd hate to be you
When luke tells
The president
It was your idea.
(Screech)
It was not my idea,
And luke
Would never lie!
Luke?
(Crying)
"We didn't want to go, dad.
Dash made us go.
It was dash's idea."
You guys suck.
We suck. Did you
Hear that, luke?
We suck.
We suck.
All right! We suck!
Let's make a sucky
Left turn here.
(Music playing)
Simms: I learned how to box
Here when I was a kid.
It was great.
Oh, when you get inside,
Just blend in.
Can I help you, sir?
Don't you recognize me?
Sammy.
Sammy simms.
Hey, fellas, listen up!
I want you to meet
Sammy simms!
Fought willie fox for
The golden gloves title
In 19...
Right!
So you do remember me.
As I recall, you caught him
With a hard right in the first
That's right. Bam.
And in the second,
He spanked you like
A 4-year-old at kmart.
(Men laughing)
Excuse me.
What happened
In the third round?
All right, all right,
We had our laugh.
Now, settle down,
Settle down.
I want to tell you
Something about this man.
This man had
A lot of heart.
He went back
Into that ring,
And he took willie fox out
And went home with the gold.
The gold.
Man: right!
All right, what you
Standing around for?
Go on back to work.
Man:
All right, men!
So, sammy,
Where you been?
Sorry I haven't come by
The gym in a while,
It's just that, you know,
I'm married to my job.
Looks like you're
Married to a white girl.
Oh, no, no.
This is reggie.
He's not my son.
Well, this is my job.
Well, I mean,
I work for him.
Not for him,
I work for his parents.
Nanny.
I'm his...
(Smack)
Hey, uh,
Here's the deal.
Your old locker's
Still back there.
Anything I can do for you,
You let me know, sammy.
Thanks, man.
I appreciate that.
Yeah.
Cool.
"Nanny." Let's go.
Simms: all right, reggie,
Let's see what you got.
Don't worry about it.
It's your first day at the gym
You got nothing to lose.
Just give me that right hand.
Get your right hand,
Give me some power, right?
Just like rocky, all right?
Don't worry about it.
Just show me what you got.
Eye of the tiger.
There you go.
Take somebody out.
You're the man.
They got your woman--
♪ I've got the power ♪
(Groans)
We're gonna try to hit
The bag this time.
Ok? Thank you.
♪ I've got the power ♪
Hit the bag.
Mind if I help?
All right.
It's your gym.
All right, little man,
Punch the bag.
Ow!
Whoa, ok.
Go on, go on.
Oof!
He's trying to tell
You something.
Use this hand.
Protect your right face.
Put your hand up there. Don't
Let anybody hit your face.
All right,
There you go.
Unh!
Huh! There you go!
Hang in there.
Huh! All right,
There you go.
Hunh!
Boom, there it is.
Rob. Take that, rob.
Ok, ok, just a little
Motivation there, brother.
Take it easy on
Your hands, all right?
We'll hit the jump rope
In a little bit, ok?
Cool.
Thanks a lot, man.
Come on now,
Let me see what you got.
No. I'm just working
With the kid, all right?
Come on,
Willie fox, right?
Sammy simms?
I don't know.
Golden glove champ?
Come on, man,
Let's see what you got.
It's been a long--these bags
Are so much bigger now, man.
Man, just like this?
Don't hold it too tight.
I don't want to hurt myself.
Unh! (Glass breaks)
Whoa!
Did you see that?
(Brakes screech)
Let's go.
Come on, let's go.
Yo--you did a good
Thing tonight.
You owe me.
Aw!
Good night, l.d.
Good night, sir.
Chief! Ha ha!
Simms: hey, chief.
What's up? How you doin'?
Dash! Go, dash!
Oh--dash! That's the best
Partner I ever had.
How you doing, sir?
Burning the midnight oil.
Beautiful night,
Though, right?
I was just
Up at your room,
And you told me
You were sleeping.
I did?
I--uh-eh--
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I did.
Well, what are you
Doing out here?
Well, sir...
He was sleepwalking.
Walking the dog--
He was--
Sleepwalking
The dog.
I didn't want to mention it
Till I talked to his parents,
But obviously the boy's
Asleep when he walks--
Speak of the devil!
(Snaps fingers)
Brandy, here you go.
Here, brandy. There you go.
See, the dog walks
In the sleep with him.
Hey, good girl!
They walk in their sleep--
It's amazing.
Did you ever see
The oprah show
Where the kid's walking--
Is--is a--
I got the tape.
I'll get it to you.
The kid's kinda tired.
I need to get him to bed.
Yeah, get inside.
Get to bed, lucas.
♪ Oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ Oh, that's ok-k-k-k-k ♪
♪ He-ey-ey, he-ey-ey ♪
♪ Hey-ey-ey,
He-ey-ey-ey ♪
♪ Hey-ey-ey-ee-ey
Ey-ey ♪
♪ He-ey-ey, he-ey-ey ♪
♪ Hey-ey-ey,
He-ey-ey-ey ♪
♪ Hey-ey-ey-ee-ey
Ey-ey ♪
♪ My back
Is against the wall ♪
♪ It's more real,
I'm runnin' from pain ♪
♪ And I know just who,
Who to call on ♪
♪ When I need relief ♪
♪ Oh, hey, hey-ey-ey-ey ♪
♪ To help me fight ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressures
Of the world ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressures
Of the world ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Of the world,
I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Of the world ♪
♪ Playing on the tension and
The weakness of addiction ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ That lure your mind ♪
♪ You can fight it ♪
♪ Fight it ♪
♪ You can win ♪
♪ For your deliverance ♪
♪ Just by your
Having grace ♪
♪ You have to fight ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Oh, hey-ey-ey ♪
♪ The pressures
Of the world ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Oh, the pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressures
Of the world ♪
♪ Oh, the pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oh ♪
♪ The pressure
Of the world ♪
♪ Take this burden off ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Oh, the pressures
Of the world ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh, the pressure ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Take this burden off ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh,
Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ The pressures ♪
♪ The pressure,
The pressure ♪
♪ Pressures of the world ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ The pressure ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ I need--i need ♪
♪ Pressures
Of this whole big world ♪
♪ I'm so glad that
I soon will be gone ♪
♪ Lift the pressures
Off me ♪
♪ We all have
Our burdens to carry ♪
♪ I know when
Mine gets too big ♪
♪ He's always there
To bear the load ♪
♪ He gives me strength
And comfort ♪
♪ Any time
I need relief ♪
♪ From the pressures
Of the world ♪
♪ I get relief ♪
♪ I need relief ♪
♪ From somebody ♪
♪ Pressures of the world ♪
♪ He-ey-ey-ey ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ Pressures of the world ♪
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ Ah-ah-ah-ah ♪
♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
(Cheering)
What are you doing?
I'm doing my job.
I'm trying to keep you alive.
I'm testin' the food.
Why do you always
Test my cookies?
(Giggling)
I think I need
Some milk.
Hi.
Hi!
So...
What did you do
This weekend?
Not much.
How 'bout you?
Not much.
Hello.
Hu-hi.
Hey.
Student: wait up!
Ms. Lawrence: still giving him
His space, huh?
Hey, I'm within
Agency regulations
On this one,
All right?
I was kidding.
Oh.
I didn't know
You were a kidder.
Is there really
A water slide
On air force one?
Mm-hmm.
We didn't get off
To a good start, did we?
Ms. Lawrence:
No, we didn't.
It must be tough
Being in my class every day...
My...boring science class.
Who said your class
Was boring?
You said that.
I must have
Been involved
In a lot of
Physical activity,
Because
I would never say
Your class was boring.
I think I have
Perfect attendance
In your class,
If you check
The records.
No t*rd. Well,
Almost one time
When you slammed
The door in my face,
But I could have
Made it.
Sorry.
Puppy love.
Yeah, they're kinda
Ner-nervous.
Nervous.
Yeah.
Well...
Bye.
Doop-doop--aw, man,
You missed a dump!
But it's her birthday,
And she asked me to go!
Look, I don't know
What to say, man.
I'm sorry. I mean,
I'm sitting here,
I'm almost crying.
But we go boxing--
I can go as reggie!
You can go
As michael jordan,
But you ain't going.
Hey, I just wanna see
Who she skates with.
No! N-o! No!
Come on, please, simms.
You know what's gonna
Happen if I let you go?
Morton's gonna call me in...
He's gonna
Chew my butt off.
You know what that's like?
I'm gonna sit there.
My butt's gonna get smaller
And smaller and smaller.
By the time I stand up,
My back'll be on my thighs,
'Cause I won't
Have no butt.
I can't sit in chairs.
I'll slide off on the floor.
Do you want that to happen
To me? Of course not.
I can't let you go, man.
It sure would be a shame
If I accidentally
Told my dad
About you taking me
Boxing.
Be a shame if I threw you
Out that window also.
(Knock on door)
Sorry.
Your mom and dad
Are on the phone.
Simms: no, no, no, no.
I don't like that look.
No, no, wait. What's
That look supposed to be,
Like, oh, you gonna
Do something?
(Ring)
When you pick that phone up,
You better think twice.
(Softly) don't rat on me.
Hi, dad! Uh...
Yeah, great.
What have I been
Doing lately?
Are you happy? I'm happy.
Everybody's happy.
Everybody's skating.
It's a wonderful day.
All right? You find her,
You see who she's with,
And we're outta here, ok?
♪ She sits in the top ♪
♪ Of the greenest tree ♪
♪ She sends out an aroma
Of undefined love ♪
♪ Drifts on down
In a mist from above ♪
♪ She's just a girl ♪
♪ She's just a girl,
A girl you want... ♪
What?!
There she is.
♪ She's just a girl... ♪
Wow!
Can we go now?
There she is!
Hide--hide!
Oh, yeah, I'm hiding.
They can't see me now.
♪ You can hear her calling
Everywhere you turn ♪
♪ You know you're headed... ♪
You have to stay
Away from me.
No! Just take care of this
Little teenage jealousy thing
You got goin' on,
And we're outta here,
All right?
But she'll
Recognize you!
Then she'll know it's me,
And it'll ruin everything.
Well, fine!
Let me know how I
Stay in here with you
Without her
Recognizing me,
And I'll go along
With the plan, ok?
What?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Boy: nice outfit!
Boy, whining:
Ow! Evan!
Don't you even
Think about it--
Come on!
Simms: oh, great.
Just great.
I haven't been skating
Since I was 12 years old.
And back then
I had a pizza face.
Now I got a big
Giant pizza face.
Luke!
Reggie!
Reggie!
Let's ride. Reggie!
You don't answer,
I'm goin' home.
Hey! Over here.
Over here!
Coming. Steady!
Ooh!
Over here!
On your left.
No, no,
Your other left!
Luke: easy, that's the floor.
Easy...easy...
Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo!
Help me.
Help me!
Luke:
Stop messing around!
Simms: my eye!
You just gouged my eye!
Don't help me.
Stop. Don't help!
Let go! Don't help!
Just get back.
Check on her.
I'm ready to go home.
I'm ready to go home.
There she is!
Come on, let's go!
Reggie! Reggie!
Reggie!
Don't leave me!
Wha-wha-wait--
Wait, wait.
I can do this.
I can do this. Wait.
Rob: loser job
For the poor guy.
I know that voice.
Where is he?
Hey--hey!
1, 2...
I will sh**t
Both of you!
Hey--oh!
Stooooop!
This ain't fun.
Girl: katie, you know
That guy in chemistry
With the really bad
Acne?
Well, he's going out
With wanda.
Great party, katie.
You're so popular.
Yeah, but didn't you
Invite luke davenport?
Yeah. I guess
He couldn't make it.
Man on p.a.: Couples...
Couples only.
If you're not holding hands,
Sit down.
Hand-holding mandatory.
I'll, uh...
Skate with you.
♪ From now until ♪
♪ The moment... ♪
This is, uh...
A pretty cool song, huh?
Yeah. Do you have
The cd?
Yeah, of course.
Have you seen
Luke davenport around here?
Do I care?
♪ And promise you now ♪
♪ Until forever ♪
Luke? Hold up.
Luke--
Oh!
Just sit right there.
Just sit there.
All right.
Ok. Came up with
My part of the deal.
Now, let's go, ok?
Let's just go.
They're having cake
After this.
No, we're not having
Cake!
No, we're not
Having cake!
I have a headache
This big!
We're not having cake.
We're going home.
I just wanna see
Who she sits next to.
What--
Do I look like
An idiot to you?
Hmm? Don't you
Answer that.
Don't you even
Smile.
I been poked
In the eye,
I been punched
In the stomach,
I been kicked
In the meatballs,
And we are going home
Now--right now!
Not yet.
You think I'm playing?
Huh?
I'm a secret service
Agent!
Oh, my god.
That was totally
Bizarre...
How you doing?
Hi.
God...
If you want her
To be my girlfriend,
Just give me a sign.
Simms: I'm not playing.
I'm going home.
Good-bye!
Yeah!
Come on!
Hey--hey, I'll get sick!
Let me go--don't let me go!
Oh, no, mr. Wizard!
I wanna go home!
Boy: look out!
He's coming!
Move the cake! Nooooo!
No--
Katie:
Hey, look at my cake!
Thanks a lot, rob,
You jerk!
You ruined
My birthday! Ohh!
Thanks.
I know I ca--well, uh...
There's this, uh, dance
At school this weekend,
And...
I was just wondering
If maybe, uh...
I could go and maybe...
(Mouths words)
I think you can
Go to that.
Really?
Sure.
Yeah.
Anybody, uh...
Special
That you might be
Hoping
That you could kind of
Sort of run across
At the dance
At the school?
Uh...
W-i--i--
I don't know.
M-maybe--no. Yeah.
No. No. No, not really.
What about agent simms?
How's he workin' out?
Oh, he's great.
He's cool and he's fun.
He's, you know...
He's great?
Really?
What have the two of you
Been doing together?
Oh, we do a lot of thin--
Uh, you know, stuff.
Stuff?
You know. Stuff.
Stuff.
Mm-hmm.
Davenport: I don't know.
I'll look for it, bill.
Clinton: could you
Check again for me, paul?
That saxophone really
Means a lot to me.
I could swear
I left it in the closet.
Bill, we'll look for it.
I'll call ya back.
I gotta go.
Oh, oh!
Check under the bed.
Yup. Bye-bye.
Best to hillary.
Thank you.
Simms.
Come on in.
I, uh...i wanted
To thank you.
Luke's really
Doing great.
What do you do
Together, anyway?
Stuff.
Stuff. Yeah, that's
What he said, too.
Stuff. Well,
Whatever stuff you do,
It's got to be
Good stuff,
'Cause it's working,
So...thanks a lot.
Thank you, sir.
You're welcome.
It was a pleasure,
Congressman.
Thank you
Very much.
Nice seeing
You.
How you doing?
Hi.
Hey! Do you know
Who you are?
Yes. I know who i--
Oh! Oh!
Sonny bono.
Eh-uh--
Oh, I love you,
Man.
Babe is
My favorite song.
♪ I got you,
Babe-- ♪
You always sitting
There, rock--
That was
A long time ago.
I don't sing anymore.
I'm a congressman.
You're great!
You're great!
Thank you very much.
I'm on my way to see
The president
Of the united states.
I'll see you, now.
Thank you very--
Good-bye.
♪ Got you, babe ♪
I--i don't sing
Anymore.
President
Of the united states.
I'll see you later.
There he is...
The president
Of the united states.
It's sonny bono!
Sonny bono!
Did you see that,
Man?
I can't believe
You did that.
Hey, they said
I could go to the dance!
Really?
Really?
Yes, really!
Cool, man.
All you gotta do now
Is ask katie out.
Naw, I'll just--
I'll just see her there.
How come
You can't ask her?
I don't know.
I just can't.
Simms: testing.
Testing.
Can you hear me?
Don't be nervous.
It'll be all right,
'Cause I'm with you,
All right?
Cool, man.
Don't hyperventilate.
Look at me. This is
What we're gonna do.
Go over there.
I want you to
Be calm, be cool.
Keep away from
Her right side.
Don't let her see
The ear piece.
Remember now...
Be cool.
Go get 'em, luke.
I'm right here
With you.
He's doin' good.
Dash: but he's not doing
Anything yet, sir.
He's just walking.
Simms, in ear piece:
You're lookin' good.
Lookin' good.
Go ahead, boy.
What's he doing?
Don't just
Stand there.
Simms:
Say hello.
Hello!
Great. Make
The girl go deaf.
They love that.
We're in big trouble.
We're
In big trouble.
What?
You're losin' him.
All right. Just...
Just...how are you?
Fine, i--
No, not...not to me.
Simms: ask her
How she's doing.
(Loudly)
How are you?
Fine.
Simms: doing ok.
Hang in there.
Now ask her
About the party.
Uh...how--how was
Your party?
It was fun.
Until the boys
Beat up the mascot.
This is
Very important, luke.
Tell her
You want the names
Of all the boys
Involved--
No, we--
No! N--
What?
Uh-we--i mean...
No!
They beat up
The mascot?
Did you want
Something, luke?
Uh...yeah, um...
I--i w-i--
I wanted to say...
S-say hi. Hi!
Hi.
Simms: ok.
Ask her if she's
Going to the dance.
You're not going
To the dance tomorrow,
Are you?
I don't know.
Nobody's asked me yet.
Nobody I wanna go with,
Anyway.
Simms: oh, yes!
Yes! Yes!
Simms: yes!
Simms: now ask her...
No, no, no. Tell her
That you're not going
To the dance
With anybody either.
Uh...i don't have
Anyone to go with,
Either.
Have you asked anyone?
Oh, she is coy.
These kids, they watch
Too many videos.
They're growing up
Too fast!
Simms: don't worry.
Lucky for you,
You're in expert hands.
I'll get you through this.
Ask her who she wants
To go to the dance with.
Who--who do you want
To go to the dance with?
Luke, if you want
To ask me, just ask me.
Um...
Just ask her.
D-do you want to go
To the dance with me?
Ok.
Yes!
Yes!
Ok.
See--see ya there.
Bye.
She said yes!
♪ My life
Is in a serious mess ♪
♪ My baby's gone,
There's heavy mental stress ♪
♪ I never knew love,
But I know it now ♪
♪ I wanna give her
My heart ♪
♪ But how? How? ♪
Thank you guys
For watching.
Yes, yeah, i--
I definitely
Have to say I'm...
Definitely the most powerful
Kid in the universe.
(Drops toothbrush)
♪ Just a kiss ♪
♪ Just a kiss ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
♪ Whoo! ♪
What's wrong with you?
I'm not going
To the dance.
Say what?
Mr. "My mama said
I can go to the dance!
Really!
I'm goin' to the dance!"
What happened?
I...(Mumbles)
I--who?
I can't dance.
Oohmanuu?
I said
I can't dance.
Aw, phff, man,
What do you mean
You don't know
How to dance?
You just need to get in touch
With your inner dance self.
Do you watch videos?
Well, show me something,
Something you've seen
In the video.
Just imitate that.
You can do it--
You have to believe
In yourself, luke.
You can dance!
Say it to yourself.
"I can dance." Try it.
All right.
♪ Yeah ♪
What are you doing?
Uh--oh!
Simms!
You were supposed
To catch me.
Man, you're watching
Way too much mtv.
Get up here.
Man, you're gonna
Scare somebody
Doing that at the dance.
(Mutters while
Turns on radio)
(Switching channels)
(Funky music plays)
The main thing is to be smooth
Even if you can't dance.
Be smooth, find a beat,
And go to the middle
Of the dance floor
So nobody can see what you're
Doing from the waist down.
If you couldn't see me,
I'd be doing this.
I ain't doin' nothing,
But it looks good.
Ok? Here we go.
Find your beat,
Just like you're boxing.
Ok, side to side.
It's a very basic move,
But it looks good.
You got your side-to-side
Move. Bite your lip.
It looks like you're doing a
Lot more than what you're doin
♪ What do you think? ♪
♪ What is it called? ♪
Little pelvic thrust.
Try this. Uh!
Uh!
Oh, they like that, man.
They won't say nothin',
But they'll smile.
There you go, man.
All right! There it is!
Bite that lip now!
This is cool!
Do the pelvis!
Do the pelvic move!
Yeah.
Only one.
Just one per song.
Yeah. Sorry.
Point at people
Like you know 'em.
What's up? What's up?
There you go. Yeah!
Just--just don't
Jump around, now.
Yeah, this is cool.
This is good.
All right, man. See,
You're a dancing fool, man!
Look at that! Talking about
You can't dance.
You got it!
There you go.
Side to side.
♪ Do you wanna go, uh ♪
♪ To the land of funk? ♪
♪ Funk ♪
♪ Funk ♪
♪ To the land of funk ♪
♪ To the land
Of funk ♪
♪ To the land of funk ♪
♪ To the land of funk ♪
♪ To the land
Of funk ♪
♪ To the land of funk ♪
♪ Funk ♪
♪ Funk ♪
♪ Funk ♪
I don't know, chief.
Man: well, sir?
Get the b*mb squad.
♪ Now this move's so funky,
Hey, what do you think? ♪
♪ What is it called,
It's called a lakeside stank ♪
(Music stops)
Hey!
Hey, how you doin', sir?
Practicing dance steps here.
Guys, I have bad news.
The trip to the dance
Has been canceled.
Simms: why?
Why?
There's a possible code 4
Until further notice.
But my dad said
I could go.
I'm not grounded
Anymore!
I'm sorry. I can't allow
You off the grounds.
That's just great!
Hey, hey!
Hold it. Now hold it, hold it.
Why not, sir?
Morton: there's
An abandoned duffle bag
On the sidewalk
Outside the main entrance.
Oh, come on. That happens,
What, 50 times a day.
Probably belongs
To a tourist.
The b*mb squad
Is investigating it.
You have to let this boy
Go to the dance, sir.
Simms...i don't
Make the rules,
And I don't break
The rules.
I'm sorry, luke.
There'll be
Other dances.
Put this on.
We're goin'
To the dance.
(Music plays)
♪ Up in my chrysler ♪
♪ It's as big as a whale ♪
♪ And it's about to set sail ♪
♪ I got me a car ♪
♪ It seats about
20-Something ♪
♪ Come on, and bring
Your jukebox money ♪
♪ The love shack ♪
♪ Is a little old place ♪
♪ Where we can ♪
♪ Get together ♪
♪ Love shack baby ♪
♪ Love shack bay-bee ♪
♪ Love shack ♪
♪ Lo-lo-love shack... ♪
Over there.
♪ Lo-lo-love shack ♪
♪ Love shack ♪
♪ Lo-lo-love shack ♪
♪ Love shack ♪
♪ Lo-lo-love shack ♪
I didn't think
You'd make it.
Neither did i.
♪ Lo-lo-love shack ♪
♪ Love shack... ♪
Come on. Let's dance.
(New song begins)
(Music plays,
Indistinct singing)
(Mouthing)
(Boys laughing)
Dork.
Look at him!
What do you call
That move?
Oh. Tying my shoe.
Just tying my shoe.
The kids are dancing.
Somebody stepped on my foot.
Oh.
Surprised to see you here
At the school dance.
Ms. Lawrence:
Why's that?
I just thought you'd have
Something more important
On your agenda
Than a school dance.
Really?
What about you,
Mr. Simms?
Oh, I'm...working.
Undercover.
Me, too.
I'm chaperoning.
Undercover.
We have something
In common.
(Slow song begins)
(Groans) ohh...
Excuse me. Would you like
To do some undercover work?
Yeah.
Help the president's son out?
Could be dangerous.
♪ They read you
Cinderella ♪
♪ You hoped
It would come true ♪
♪ That one day
Your prince charming ♪
♪ Would come rescue you ♪
♪ You like romantic movies ♪
♪ You never will forget ♪
♪ The way you felt when romeo
Kissed juliet ♪
Ow!
Sorry.
♪ All this time
That you-- ♪
(Luke's voice)
♪ I can love you
Like that ♪
♪ I would make you
My world ♪
♪ Move heaven and earth ♪
♪ If you were my girl ♪
♪ I will give you
My heart ♪
♪ Be all that you need ♪
♪ Show you you're everything ♪
♪ That's precious to me ♪
♪ If you give me a chance-- ♪
Agent: chief.
(Luke's computer voice)
Go away.
I'm not hungry.
Leave me alone.
I said I'm not--
Leave me alone--
Go away--not--
Agent: uuhh!
Get the closets.
Wanna get that?
I'm not
Touching it.
I ain't touching that
Either.
It's all clear.
Let's go.
Both: put the snake
Back in the cage.
♪ Goin' on ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Goin' on ♪
♪ Buh-buh-buh, baby ♪
♪ You and me
Got it goin' on ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ High five ♪
♪ We got it
Going on ♪
♪ You and me,
You and me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah,
Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ You and me ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on and on ♪
(Song ends)
Where'd you learn
How to dance like that?
Simms.
You got a problem?
Yeah, I do.
Stand back, katie.
Come on, luke,
Don't.
Kids: ooh!
Simms: hey, hey,
Hey, hey, hey!
Come on, hit me!
Hit me again!
Go clean your face off.
Go on now.
Rob: I'm gonna
Get you!
What did I teach you
About fighting?
Everything.
That's right, man.
(Sighs) great.
Guess I gotta go.
Call me, ok?
Soon as I can.
You're both finished.
Sir, agent dash had
Nothing to do with this.
Yes, I did.
Will you just shut up? Sir,
I'm his superior officer,
And I told him to keep
His mouth shut.
Fine. You're
Still finished.
Badge and firearm now!
Fine.
Now get outta here.
Sir, can I say
Something?
No!
Well, I'm gonna say it
Anyway. I was right.
You can't keep that kid
Locked up in his room.
He's not a convict, morton!
He's just a kid!
I haven't got time
For this.
There are 2 uniforms
Who will escort you
Off the grounds.
Can I at least tell luke
Goodbye before I go?
No! You will not
Contact him
Until the investigation
Is over!
I'll tell him
You said goodbye.
Now, get out.
I see you're still buying
Ties at the swap meet.
Get out!
Get him outta here!
Morton:
Sorry about this, luke,
But you left us
No choice.
What is this?
You are confined
To quarters
Until your parents
Are back in town.
Where's simms?
Simms is no longer
With the agency.
Well, did he leave me
A note, anything?
Luke, did any of
Your other agents
Say goodbye?
Just get out of here!
Leave!
This isn't your room.
Get outta here!
(Pulsing)
(Computer beeps)
Luke: I'm house arrested.
Like a tracker or something.
"If you could get it off,
Would you go?"
Okay, let's do it.
(Whispers)
Come on, brandy. Come on.
Announcer: here's the pitch.
There's a fly ball...
Oh, yeah.
Oh!
(Overlapping chatter)
Come on, brandy.
Ok, brandy. Come on.
Go get the ball! Go!
(Ruff ruff)
(Knock on door)
Luke, your mom and dad
Are on the phone.
Luke!
Aw!
He's gone.
Let's go.
Right.
Morgan: who taught him
How to escape?
Who taught him disguises?
You did, simms!
We wouldn't be here right now
If it wasn't for you!
Simms: he's not
A prisoner here.
We found her by
The reflecting pool...
Wearing this.
No luke.
No luke.
You taught him well,
Simms.
Now, I'm gonna ask you
One more time...
Has he tried to contact you
In any way?
How many times do I
Have to tell you--no!
I wanna find luke
Just as bad as you do.
That's why I'm here!
That's why you're here?
I spoke to his girlfriend
Katie warren.
He called her
And said he was ok.
Said he'd stop by
Her house tonight.
Address?
I've got it.
But he said he was meeting
Another friend first.
Didn't say where.
Ok. Let's go.
No, no, no. Where do you
Think you're going?
I'm going to help.
No. You've helped
Enough already.
You're a civilian.
Help mr. Simms
Find his way out!
Morton: come on, let's go.
Let's move it!
Get out of the way.
Hey, simms,
I almost forgot.
Here's that stuff you wanted,
That internet stuff.
This is great.
Can I try this one?
Sure. It's $10.
Down there.
Ominous game voice:
Time to die.
(Evil laughter)
Dude, what? You look
Like you lost your job.
The kid is missing.
I need your help, harold.
You forgot
To recharge it, right?
Gimme, gimme, gimme.
(Beeping)
(Electronic tones)
Simms.
What?
He's in the mall.
Ok!
Eddie!
Eddie: yeah.
Call the secret service
And tell them to get
Down here for a code 5.
Prince is here.
They'll know what
That means. Go!
I don't know.
Signal's weak. There's
Some kind of interference.
Go down to the second floor.
I'll check this way.
Ok.
Go ahead!
Computer: behind you.
(Tone)
Computer voice:
Close, but no cigar.
(Tone)
(Tone)
(Tone)
(Tone feedback)
Computer voice:
That was close.
Ah!
Game over.
You're dead.
Gig's up, kid.
Let's go.
Why'd they send you?
Entire agency's
Looking for you.
You really,
Really, really
Blew it
This time, luke.
(Slaps) ow! Ow!
Hey!
Hey, I'm supposed to
Meet somebody here.
Need my bag.
Leave it.
I got it!
All right.
Coming through,
Coming through.
Coming through.
Coming through.
Out of the way!
Woods: go.
Luke: hey!
Unh!
Watch your back!
Watch your back!
Excuse me.
Aah! Let me go.
Coming through,
Coming through.
Out of the way!
Aah! Hey!
(Luke grunting)
Excuse me...
Excuse me.
Luke: hey, come on!
Unh!
Look out!
Out of the way!
Aah!
Out of the way! Watch it!
Get out of the way!
Hey, how you doing, man?
I met you once with simms.
What's up?
Hey, who is he?
Shut up!
Excuse me, excuse me.
Shut up!
Luke: simms!
Simms: how you doing, woods?
Man, I'm glad I found you.
Why don't we just take the kid
Back to my car--we'll be ok.
Take a hike,
Simms.
You're not with
The service anymore.
I just want to make sure
The kid's ok, all right?
Kid's fine!
I can handle it.
I'll tell morton
You were a good guy.
Stand aside.
Simms--simms,
You gotta help me.
Please help me.
Stand aside.
Woods, come on, man.
He's just a kid, man.
He's only 13 years old,
All right?
21 If you're
An older girl, right?
You're mongoose 12.
Simms,
He's mongoose 12.
Just let him go.
Crowd: whoa! Hey!
Back off, simms!
All right, all right!
(Screaming)
Back off, simms!
I'm back!
Back off, simms!
I don't got
A problem with you!
You hurt this kid,
You'll have problems
With me, all right?
You'll have problems
With everybody.
So why don't you
Just let the kid go?
Woods: shut up!
I spent so much time
With this kid
I lost my wife!
I lost my job!
He even got me fired!
Come on, you can't blame
The kid for that.
He didn't do anything.
You know that.
He thought he wasn't
Safe with me.
Well, he's not safe
Without me.
And I'm proving it
Right now!
I'm the one who
Lured him out of crown,
And when I take him back,
I'm gonna be a hero!
So back off, simms!
I'm taking him
Out of here!
Can't let you do that, man.
Don't push me!
Don't push me!
Back off!
Back off!
All right.
Yo, look around.
Calm down.
Mall full of people, man.
They're shopping, huh?
Got women, got children.
You don't want
To sh**t anybody.
Would you just calm down?
You don't want
To sh**t anybody.
Yeah...i do.
No!
(g*nf*re)
All right!
Feel like I'm working
At the post office.
Luke, you ok?
Damn.
Luke!
(Unloads)
He's out.
Unh! Unh!
Unh! Oh!
Aah!
Unh!
Unh!
(Groaning)
(Bong)
Oh!
Ooh!
Aah!
(Panting)
How you doing,
Champ?
Good, I guess.
All right.
Thanks. Thanks for
Coming after me.
Hey,
It's my job, man.
You ok?
Mm-hmm.
All right.
I'll be right back--
Take care of something.
(Gasps)
Simms!
Aah!
Aah!
Woods!
Oh!
Sam!
Simms! Simms!
Are you all right?
Aah! Aah!
I'll be all right if you
Quit pushing me like that.
Easy...
Sam, you ok?
Yeah, man.
Hey, what you doing
Outside the car?
Sorry, sir, I just couldn't
Wait in the car any longer.
It's just a joke,
Man.
Man: all right, guys.
Luke, go!
...so much.
Thank you, simms.
...and the kids
Loved it.
Oh! Ha ha ha!
Wilkes,
Ms. Lawrence.
Yes, sir.
Simms,
I've got great news.
The davenports
Asked me
To reassign you.
As of 1700 hours
Tomorrow,
You're officially
On eagle detail.
Hey...
Ah--ow! Ow! Ow.
I'm sorry.
Thank you, sir.
I really
Appreciate that.
But I'm sorry--
I can't.
Sam!
This is what you've
Always wanted.
You've earned it.
This is the best job
In the agency,
And you're
Taking it.
What, and miss
Biology 102 next year?
I don't think so.
Besides, I thought
I wanted to guard eagle.
I found what I want.
I'm happy where I am.
I mean, I've already taken
A b*llet for the kid.
It can't get any worse.
Look, out there
Playing a little hockey.
No!
(Hip-hop music begins)
Oh...
You all right?
You ok?
Can I see the puck?
What are you
Gonna do with it?
Leave it to me.
What?
Time-out.
Luke: yeah, like I
Did it on purpose.
You're supposed to
Protect the kid.
Dad.
Protect me, dad.
Wilkes: come on.
Hey, sam!
♪ Come on,
Give me the high five ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
Luke: hey, dad!
♪ You and me
On the wild ride ♪
♪ Ride ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ We're goin' to your dreams ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm
Coming through for you ♪
♪ We're both
In this together ♪
♪ You don't have to be
A hero ♪
♪ But if you're
Striking zero ♪
♪ We're gonna
Make it better ♪
♪ I will always
Be your friend ♪
♪ You and me,
We're in this till the end ♪
♪ So come on,
Give me the high five ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ You and me
On a wild ride ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ Whenever you get lonely,
Feeling bluer than blue ♪
♪ I'm gonna
Get you through it ♪
♪ Yes, I will ♪
♪ And when I feel
Discouraged ♪
♪ You help me
Find my courage ♪
♪ I don't know
How you do it ♪
♪ Doesn't matter
How it's been--no ♪
♪ 'Cause you and me--
This time we're gonna win ♪
♪ So come on,
Give me the high five ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ You and me
On a wild ride ♪
♪ Ride ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ Yo, they say
That there's a hero ♪
♪ In every one of us ♪
♪ All you have to do ♪
♪ Is teach yourself
To trust ♪
♪ A brave man to the rescue ♪
♪ A legend to us all ♪
♪ When david fought goliath ♪
♪ You know, the big guy
Took the fall ♪
♪ Courage
Is the backbone ♪
♪ Of this heroic creed ♪
♪ You can always count on ♪
♪ That strength
In times of need ♪
♪ A hero or a heroine ♪
♪ In every boy and girl ♪
♪ Shining like a star ♪
♪ Champion of the world ♪
♪ Come on,
Give me the high five ♪
♪ High five ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ You and me
On the wild ride ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ You can count on me ♪
♪ In a time of need ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ I'll be your friend ♪
♪ Till the end ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on, on ♪
Captioning made possible by
Buena vista television
Captioning performed by
The national captioning
Institute, inc.
♪ Come on,
Give me the high five ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ You and me
On a wild ride ♪
♪ We got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on, on ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Goin' on ♪
♪ B-b-b-b-baby ♪
♪ You and me ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ High five ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ You and me,
You and me ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ You and me ♪
♪ Got it goin' on ♪
♪ Got it goin' on and on ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
(Record scratches)
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First Kid (1996)
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