(BAGPIPES BLARING)
(PANTING)
(BARKING)
(SHATTERING)
(TRUMPETING)
(STOMACH GROWLING)
(FARTS)
(BELLS RINGING)
COMMENTATOR:
The bunny's away.
It's a perfect start.
And they're racing...
(CROWD CHEERING)
* Bad dog
* Bad dog
COMMENTATOR: Paw on Paw
is leading the pack,
and he's bringing them
into the final leg
with Murphy's Law
on his tail...
Come on! Come on!
(CROWD CHEERING)
PC! Oh!
Hello.
One steak
and kidney pie,
and sauce.
Off you go.
(CHUCKLES)
Sammy!
I could do with a hand.
Oh, Mum!
"Oh, yeah.
Sure, Mum."
I'd better go, Alex.
Mum's having kittens.
Are you coming,
Cordelia?
Bye, princess!
Bye, Alex!
(INDISTINCT)
Poof!
ZAC: Once upon a time
there was a dog,
and the dog
belonged to a man.
The man's name was Alex
and he came from
a cold place,
very far away.
Some people said
he was a genius,
but all I know is
he changed my life.
And the funny thing is
we never even met.
(PAPA LOVES MAMBO
PLAYING ON STEREO)
(HUMMING)
(BARKING)
Dear God.
(TYPING)
PC. PC.
You lake this to Susie,
you understand?
You understand?
You give it to no one
but Susie.
Trust no one!
(LOCK RATTLING)
Quick, boy.
In the cupboard!
Hello, Alex.
You're looking well.
Aren't you going to greet
an old friend?
Where's the money, Alex?
(TYPING)
Oh!
I think we're a little short.
About a million dollars.
(STAMMERING) It... It's...
It's all there.
I moved it.
Just don't...
Moved it? Where?
You have three seconds.
One,
two...
(YELLS)
(SNARLING)
Retirement fund.
Three.
(SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERS)
(THUD)
(TYPING)
How considerate
of you, Alex.
Damn you!
Where's the disk?
Where is it?
Where is it?
(GROWLING)
(GULPING)
COMMENTATOR: (OVER RADIO)
The bunny's away and
track condition's perfect.
It's the last race
and Golden Girl is looking
strong on the inside,
followed by Little Ripper
and Clever Kev.
The Dubbo Duchess
challenges the Dame.
Curly Sam's looking good.
The Dame's in a dingdong
battle with...
And, by Jingo,
that little ripper
from the Western plains...
What is SA?
Arkwright.
Susie Arkwright.
(LAUGHS SINISTERLY)
(GROWLING)
(WHIMPERING)
Sibelius, come!
(CONTINUES WHIMPERING)
(WHINING)
(SOFTLY)
Take the disk to Susie.
Trust no one.
(EXHALES)
(WHINES)
ZAC: And so the little dog
set out on the last errand
he would ever
run for his master.
Bui I didn't know
any of this.
At the time,
I was eating pizza
three blocks away.
My family had only been
in Sydney a week
and I already hated it.
Oh, I guess everyone
has problems.
(TIRES SCREECHING)
(YELPS)
AMY: You've hit something.
STEPHEN:
I can't believe it.
Oh! Stupid dog!
BINKY: What is it?
It's a dog.
Now stay in the car.
Oh, great.
I just didn't see him.
BINKY: I made a coffin.
He's not dead.
Poor little thing.
Stephen!
I hope nothing's broken.
Why is he wearing
a backpack?
I don't know.
Here you go.
How is he?
Well, he's fine, I think.
I'd better clean up
that wound. Where's
the antiseptic stuff?
BINKY: I want to
call her Nancy.
* Nancy, Nancy,
where are your panties
ZAC: Uh, hello,
he's a boy.
* Nancy, Nancy, Nancy...
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
ZAC: What are you doing?
Give me that.
Don't touch my stuff.
(WHIMPERS)
ZAC: So that's
how I met
Alex's dog.
He'd only been
here an hour
and he was already
cheesing me off.
I mean, the dog
was a thief!
I should have known
he'd be trouble.
Oh, and if you haven't
figured it out yet,
this is me,
and I don't
want a dog.
(SIGHS)
(MOANS)
(DRIPPING)
(SCREAMS)
(YELPS)
(GROANS IN DISGUST)
Dumb dog!
Happy birthday, darling!
(GROANS)
(BARKING)
Oh, well,
he seems to be
feeling better.
Mmm.
I got you a present.
A hundred dollars.
A hundred dollars!
Shh!
Well, it's just between us.
Thanks, Mum.
It's so you can
buy something
for your computer.
Wait till you see
Stephen's present.
You'll love it.
Happy birthday!
See? It's me taking you
for a walk!
Happy birthday.
Thanks, Binky.
STEPHEN:
Happy birthday, Zac.
It... Well, it's not
much at all, really.
What is it?
It's a flute.
(MOUTHING) A flute?
What about...
(TRUCK BEEPING)
(SUZIE CALLING)
Somebody expecting a boat?
ZAC: The boat is
Stephen's bright Idea.
He's been building it
since before Moses.
In case I haven't
mentioned it yet,
he's the loser
who married Mum.
The little dork playing
the trumpet is Binky.
But Mum's the real
trumpet player.
She has to go for a job
playing in a dumb
function center,
(PLAYING TRUMPET)
All right!
If I could play like that,
I'd be living in New Orleans!
You got some lips.
Oh, she sure has.
ZAC: The loser, of course,
hasn't got a job. He just...
Oh, man!
They always do that!
Zac, come and meet Susie,
our new neighbor.
Zac? Hi!
Just popped over to make sure
you're settling in all right.
Hadn't been
mugged or anything.
ZAC: Great.
The wacky neighbor.
So, listen,
do you need anything...
Oh, no! I'm late!
I'm sorry.
I've got this
audition and...
Well... Well, it's Zac's
birthday today and...
Happy birthday!
AMY: Oh, my case.
I'm going to my room.
Sammy? Sam? Come.
Come and meet Zac.
Come on!
It's his birthday today.
ZAC: Then there's
this girl next door,
who just can't wait
to meet me.
Happy birthday.
Thanks.
This is my daughter Sammy.
Samantha.
How do you do?
Good.
Why do you talk funny?
Because I do.
(BARKING)
Zac, why don't you
show Samantha
your room? Hmm?
ZAC: And thank you, Mum.
SUSIE: PC,
what are you
doing here?
STEPHEN:
Do you know him?
Sure, I do.
SAMANTHA: Hey, boy,
how you doing?
SUSIE: Alex would die
if he thought
you were lost.
We didn't know
who he belonged to.
(SNARLING)
PC!
ZAC: PC?
What does that mean?
Pretty confused
if you ask me.
SUSIE: What's the matter?
What do you want?
What is it
that's up there?
(BARKING)
I think I'd better call Alex.
He'll be beside himself.
Where are the books?
Uh, I've got
a computer.
Oh. That's okay,
I guess.
So, what does it do?
Show me something.
What's this?
Um... That's the...
For the disk drive.
It's not supposed
to be unplugged.
Uh... Are you all right?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
Binky, you touch
my computer again
I'll flush you
down the toilet!
Perhaps you should
take up reading.
It's less dangerous.
See you later.
(MIMICKING)
"Perhaps you should
take up reading."
Perhaps you should take up
crocodile wrestling.
(SIGHS)
(TYPING)
Hi, guys.
Hi, Zac.
Hello, Zac.
Zac to Dork One.
Dork One on board.
Hi, Dad.
Hello, Zac.
Dad...
Hello, Zac.
I miss you.
(BLOWING RASPBERRIES)
(SIGHS) Not kiss. Miss.
Stupid, listen to me!
Miss!
Dumb heads!
Let's try it again.
I miss you.
I miss you, too, Zac.
STEPHEN: Zac!
I miss you, too, Zac.
STEPHEN: Zac!
I miss you, too, Zac.
I miss you, too, Zac.
I miss you, too, Zac.
(GIRLS SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
What?
Could you give me a hand?
I'm busy.
I'm busy, too,
but come on,
just for a sec.
I miss you, too, Zac.
(TYPING)
I miss you, too, Zac.
Keep screaming, sissy!
Mum?
Yeah?
You know those people
that moved in?
Mmm-hmm.
Do you think
they're a bit weird?
Compared to who?
* For he's a jolly good fellow
* For he's a jolly good fellow
* For he's a jolly good fellow
* And so say all of us
Hip, hip...
ALL: Hurray!
Hip, hip...
ALL: Hurray!
Hip, hip...
ALL: Hurray!
Now make a wish,
but don't tell anyone.
(BLOWS)
ZAC: Make a wish,
make a wish.
Mmm...
A sl*ve would be nice.
I expanded my
virtual memory and added
plenty of RAM.
Just the way
you told me to, Zac.
Cool! And as for you...
Mom!
I'm going to tell Mum!
Dad, put me back!
Yes!
(EXHALES)
ZAC'S FATHER: You've got
one more wish.
Happy birthday, Son.
(GASPS)
Zac! Come back here!
SAMANTHA: Wait!
I got you a present.
Thanks.
Aren't you gonna open it?
(SIGHS)
COMPUTER: Velocity...
Talk...
I thought I'd get you
a copy of the play
I'm doing.
You know,
the one you're gonna
help me with?
(GROANS)
Well, you're good
with computers.
We need someone to do
the sound and the lighting.
I can't!
Why not? It's easy.
We're doing it
in this really
cool warehouse.
(SAM CONTINUES
SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Sammy! Hello!
Sam?
Sammy.
What is it?
Um... It's Alex.
He's, um...
What about him?
There's been
an accident and...
He's dead, darling.
(WHIMPERS)
(SOBBING)
Alex has died.
How?
Oh, Susie, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
(SOBBING)
(WHISPERING)
It's all right, darling.
I'm gonna take her home.
(WHIMPERING)
You're gonna miss Alex,
aren't you?
It's all right.
I'll take care of him.
AMY: He's 14.
Just give him time.
Look, maybe if I fixed up
the tree house he could...
Is that a really
daggy idea or something?
Not if you install
a fax modem.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Right.
Look,
you're doing fine.
Just talk to him.
(PC TYPING)
COMPUTER: The rain in Spain
falls menly...
Monly... Mean...
Huh?
Mainly on the plain.
Hello, Zac.
It's me, PC.
We need to talk.
(THUDS)
ZAC: Where am I?
Ah! I remember.
A talking dog.
(SCREAMS)
Howdy.
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
You're a dog.
How can you...
COMPUTER: It's quite
simple, really.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
I'm talking to a dog
COMPUTER:
Record and translate.
Remember your computer
program...
Stop! Stop it!
Stop talking!
...records a sound
and translates a word.
My computer program?
COMPUTER: It translates
any sound I make
into English.
I entered
the dictionary myself.
But you can't.
Why not?
(SCOFFS) Well, you're a dog.
Thank you.
Let me have a go.
(GROWLING)
I'm Fido.
Sniff my bum.
It's a dog thing.
ZAC: A dog thing?
Okay. All right.
Keep calm.
Of course animals can talk,
or go to the movies.
COMPUTER: Are you
listening to me?
ZAC: But something
was bugging me.
Zac?
Was it something
I said?
No. It was the way
you said it.
Vocadjust.
A hundred voices.
Take your pick.
COMPUTER: What are you
talking about?
You want to sound
like a robot
all your life?
If we're going to do this,
we'll do it properly.
(ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Let go. Let go.
Give me that.
Stop turning it.
MAN ON COMPUTER:
All right, enough already!
This is getting
really ridiculous.
(SCOTTISH ACCENT)
Hey! Stop! Stop that...
That's exactly it!
I've always wanted to
sound like Billy Connolly.
You sure?
* You take the high road
* I'll take the low road
* And I'll pee
in Scotland afore ye *
(BARKING)
Ah, the problem is
you can't move away
from the microphone, can you?
(WHIMPERS)
Unless...
I've got an idea.
I've got to get
a few things.
Now, keep your voice down.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello.
COMPUTER:
Susie, we need to talk.
Meet me at the track tomorrow!
ZAC: Got it!
(DIAL TONE DRONING)
All right, let's do it.
ZAC: All we had to do was
download from the main
unit into a palmtop,
which is now taken apart
so that the Central
Processing Unit
can be fitted into
a protective casing
inside PC's backpack.
This means hooking up
a separate power supply,
which then has to be contained
and fed through speakers.
(SPEAKING IN FAST FORWARD)
...sound card which is
activated by a microphone
attached behind
a cool bow tie.
PC: Cool?
You've got to be kidding!
I knew it!
I knew it!
They're laughing at me!
Oh, no, they're not.
You look really cool.
Right. This is from a boy
who tucks his shirt
into his underpants.
Come on!
I'll show you
the dog track.
(WHOOPS)
Come on, Calvin Klein,
let's go!
Like... How does it feel?
Much better.
Oh, you know,
I mean talking.
Oh, brilliant! When I think
of all the things
I could never do before!
Shout, sing,
run naked on the beach...
Oh, that I've done.
Zac, you've no idea
what it's like.
People always yelling,
"fetch this," "roll over,"
"walkies."
And half the time
you just wanna yell back,
"Get stuffed!"
And never can!
And Susie,
I can talk to her myself!
Oh, PC!
Susie?
Susie?
I meant Sister Deidre.
Don't be fooled
by the habit, though.
Smokes Havana cigars,
drinks like a fish.
Hello, PC.
What a pretty tie.
I've become pretty!
I told you.
We should've gone with
the blue bow tie.
So how'd you learn
about this stuff?
You know that dog
they sent into space?
That was you?
No, but we've done lunch.
He was a mate
of my dad's.
So, where's your
old man, huh?
Um... Well...
He... He died.
He got sick and died.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Anyway, he died
and that's why
I moved here.
Stephen made us.
It's pretty dumb, huh?
Forget it.
Oh, look! Look!
It's Beethoven!
From the movies.
Oh, I must give him
a sniff.
Catch you later.
Susie.
Susie, where are you?
Think, boy.
(CLUNK)
Samantha?
Hi. What are you
doing here?
Oh, nothing.
Just taking PC
for a walk.
Poor thing.
Is he okay?
Well, he hasn't
said anything.
You know,
he hasn't barked. Um...
He's fine.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
Fine.
Listen, I don't mean
to bully you about
the play or anything.
Mum says I have to slop
telling people what to do
and try asking
them instead.
So, will you do it?
Hi, Sam!
Hey, Billy!
My Dad's got
a new b*tch running
on Saturday.
Are you gonna be there?
Sure.
Can't wait.
SAMANTHA: Billy's good
with computers too.
Well?
ZAC: As if
she didn't already know.
PC: Susie.
Oh, Susie. Where are you?
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Uh-oh.
(SNARLING)
Big dog!
Big dog with sharp teeth.
Those pies smell
worse than you,
Sibelius.
(WHIMPERING)
No! No! Hold the gate!
No!
(GRUNTING IN FRUSTRATION)
Mongrels!
(PANTING)
Where's PC going?
I don't know.
(INDISTINCT)
Thank you.
Isn't that your dad?
He's not my dad.
I got to go.
Sorry.
I'll pick you up at 3:00
for rehearsal.
Hello, Samantha.
ZAC: So, that's why
you ran away.
I'd know that
smell anywhere.
She always wears
the juice
of crushed lilies.
Her name is Anja.
Who is she?
Well, I don't exactly
know her.
I mean...
We... I've seen her
at the track.
She's a criminal.
A criminal?
(VEHICLE APPROACHING)
Shh!
Trust no one.
What?
PC: Come on.
I think we'd better
follow him.
(BARKING)
What are you doing?
What's wrong with him?
No, what are you doing
with my disks?
Nothing, I just thought
you wanted some help
cleaning them up.
Well, I don't!
They're my disks.
All right. Okay.
I'm sorry.
Look, I'll just go.
(SIGHS)
Cleaning my discs!
(SCOFFS)
(BARKING)
Are you all right?
(BARKS)
Don't let anyone
near those disks!
Understand?
They're just disks.
Well...
What? What is it?
There's something
I should tell you.
Just a minute.
I'll close the door.
(SCREAMING)
Shut up! Shut up!
Binky, shut up!
Listen!
PC: Zac.
Zac! Go easy.
She's just a kid.
Let me handle this.
Binky?
Do you know what rabies
can do to a dog?
(SNARLS)
(SCREAMS)
(TRUMPETING)
Binky!
(SCREAMING CONTINUES)
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
Hello? Amy speaking.
MAN: Hello,
Brown's Hardware here.
PC, you're
a master, mate.
BINKY:
He's in here, Agnes.
Okay, here he is.
No, Agnes,
you have to stand here.
He's got rabies.
Okay, PC. Talk.
Go on.
(BARKING)
Not like that.
Binky, what are you doing?
Get out of here.
I knew he didn't talk.
But he does.
He does!
He's just a dumb dog!
He not! Come on, PC! Talk!
You're just a big, fat liar
and I don't like you!
Ow!
(SIGHS) Oh, Binky.
What did I just tell you?
You can't tell anyone.
If people knew,
they'd take PC away.
Oh, come on.
Next time somebody
pinches you like that,
punch them on the nose.
Okay?
PC: Binky?
I'm flattered,
but Zac's right.
And let me tell you,
if anyone was going
to squeal,
it would be that Agnes.
I've known Dobermans
with kinder faces.
I've got to go.
Are you coming?
No! I... I have to practice
the Highland Fling!
(HUMMING)
* Why don't you take her off
and leave me alone *
AMY: Because I was just
got off the phone to them.
Now what did you order?
STEPHEN: Nothing
but some tools.
And how much
did this cost?
$3,000.
$3,000! Are you insane?
Come on, Amy!
This is why things
like Zac's birthday
get stuffed up.
If I had
a proper workshop...
AMY: The kids
need clothes!
How could you
be so selfish?
STEPHEN: And I need tools.
We're broke!
I don't understand
how you could even afford
something like that.
I see. So it's okay
for you to do
what you love...
What I love?
I wear a Sicilian
peasant costume,
and play That's Amore
10 times a night.
It's more
than I'm doing.
Stephen.
Now stop it!
Cancel that order now.
Do you understand?
Yeah.
Amy...
Zac...
Go to hell.
Right on time!
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Let's go.
Wait for me!
I told her she could
be a fairy.
This is going
to be exciting!
Yeah, right.
Shakespeare,
exciting.
(SIGHS)
Okay, Alex, lot's do it.
That's what we need,
more height Hey!
(GRUNTING)
Okay and up we go!
Here we go.
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Uh-oh.
(ENGINE STOPS)
Oh, thank heavens.
I've been knocking
on every door.
My car broke down.
Could I use
your telephone, please?
Of course, yes.
Come in. Come.
The place is a bit
of a pigsty but
I think the phone
is under this pile
of washing...
Yes, there you go.
You took familiar.
Have I seen you before?
Oh, I doubt it.
You go to the dog track?
May I have a glass
of water, please?
Plenty of ice?
Sure.
Come on.
SAMANTHA: Hi, guys!
CARLA: Samantha, darling,
did you bring
that boy wonder?
"My... My..."
CARLA:
Oh, you're an angel.
Carla, this is Zac.
Computer whizz
extraordinaire.
God bless you.
(CHOKING)
You have
a beautiful daughter.
Isn't she something?
Children are such
a worry, aren't they?
Little devils,
the lot of them.
(SNIFFING)
Are you still on hold?
To lose a child
must be devastating.
One day so full of life,
the next...
Poof.
But I expect
Samantha stays
out of trouble?
How do you
know her name?
I can't bear
this dreadful music.
But,
of course, any child can
meet with an accident.
Where is it, Susie?
Where's what?
The disk from Alex.
How do you know
about Alex?
Where's the disk?
I have seen you before,
haven't I?
Perhaps I haven't
made myself clear?
Oh, crystal clear.
Now you listen to me.
I don't know
what you're looking for
and I don't care...
Just give me the disk.
You go near my girl,
I'll come after you
with a baseball bat
and I'll knock you clear
from here to next week.
Do you understand me?
Susie, is it all right
if I borrow this one?
Poof.
(SNARLING)
Shut up!
What's your problem?
(YELPS)
Well, you should
go to the police.
You can't just
do nothing.
I can look after myself.
Susie!
It's Cordelia's birthday.
I think I'll give her
a bath.
Amy, I've gotten used
to taking care of myself.
I'll be just fine.
Now, you go.
Go. Make up with
that gorgeous
husband of yours.
(GRUNTS)
PC! Now look,
this is not a bone!
Let's go put it
back, all right?
(GROANING)
(WHIMPERING)
PC: There's got to be
an easier way to do this.
Bone Indeed!
(SIGHING)
SAMANTHA:
Fairies, be gone,
and be always away.
So doth the woodbine,
the sweat honeysuckle
gently entwist,
the female ivy so enrings
the barky fingers of the elm.
(HUMMING)
'Tis my lord,
the gracious Oberon.
(CLEARING THROAT)
(GRUNTS)
Whoa!
But I do not love thee!
(LAUGHING)
Come, my sweet.
Taste my lips.
(YELLING)
(SUSIE HUMMING)
(SNIFFING)
(SUSIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
Oh!
PC: Oh, baby!
Mmm-mmm-mmm!
(SUSIE COOING)
PC: Woof! Woof!
(PHONE RINGING)
Messy Mutts Hair
and Massage Salon.
Woof! Woof!
I need a job done.
Can you be discreet?
What exactly did
you have in mind?
No. no, no.
Like, the second act
begins in the palace,
so you have to have
something really big.
ZAC: So Shakespeare
was pretty cool.
You get to blow people up
and play sick music.
I thought you
hated Shakespeare.
ZAC: And Samantha
wasn't so bad after all.
So, what about me?
Do you think
I'm going to be
a famous actress?
Yeah, sure, I mean, like,
you're really pretty.
Pretty good, I mean.
(HUMMING)
So, how come
you left London?
Mum and Dad got divorced.
This is where Mum grew up.
I suppose
I miss home a bit.
Do you?
Alex used to say
home is where
you're safe.
What's that mean?
I guess it means
somewhere people don't
yell at each other.
See this?
Alex gave Mum this
for Christmas.
Hey! Can I have
an ice-cream?
Hurry up!
I didn't bring my wallet.
I'll pay for them.
You go and order.
There's a bank
across the road.
And that'll be
$109.23.
The Playboy special
with backrub
and worm treatment.
Now, will that be cash
or charge, Sweet Chops?
Charge.
Sending the money
through now, Gracy.
You old fox!
(BEEPING)
Insufficient funds!
Oh, no!
Hey!
Sorry!
More chocolate, please.
More?
Excuse me! Excuse me!
Maple walnut.
Maple walnut.
No!
Wait! Wait!
Whoa! Whoa!
(CAR BRAKES SCREECHING)
(CARS HONKING)
Do you accept
returned goods?
Zac! Zac, hang on!
Zac, don't be
such a jerk.
So, you ran out of cash.
Who cares?
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God.
Mum, what's this?
Mmm?
Don't ask, I have
absolutely no idea.
All this arrived
about an hour ago,
including Trish here.
A mysterious admirer
for Cordelia.
A Mr. Jock Russell.
Well, we have no idea
who he is...
ZAC: Jock Russell.
Like I wasn't
gonna pick that!
(BURPING)
PC: Did you get a guernsey
at the girl next door?
Look at that, eh?
Those hairy lips.
That wet nose.
I'd like to see
a greyhound
fix her up like that.
You wee beauty!
Oh!
(GRUNTS)
ZAC: Come here!
PC: What're you doing?
That's my leg!
SUSIE: Sammy?
You haven't noticed anyone
hanging round, have you?
Where?
Here.
A woman.
Strange looking?
(PC AND ZAC YELLING)
There was this woman
at the track.
What did she look like?
Weird.
SUSIE: If you see
her again, you take off
like the devil
is after you,
you understand me?
Why? Who is she?
No one.
She's no one.
Just a nasty
piece of work.
PC: I warn you,
I'm an expert
at martial arts.
My paws are
registered with
the police.
STEPHEN: What's
going on, Zac?
Nothing.
Listen, I've gotta go out
for a while, and your
mum's gone out to work,
so I was wondering
if you could pick up
Binky from Susie's later.
Sure.
Thanks.
I'm sorry I touched
your disks before.
Actually, l was kind of
hoping you might teach me
to use one of these things.
I've always wanted
to learn how to
ski the Internet.
ZAC'S FATHER:
Hello, Zac.
I won't be long.
(SCOFFS) Ski the Internet?
All right, listen,
this is what
we're going to do.
We're going to
follow Stephen.
The only reason why
you're still alive is
because I need your help.
And, PC, don't you ever
steal from me again.
(WHIMPERING)
I'm so ashamed.
PC: Uh... How am I gonna
follow him on a bike?
ZAC: You're gonna
follow the scent.
(PC COUGHING HEAVILY)
PC: Did I happen
to mention I've got asthma?
Mush!
(PC COUGHING)
Left! Left!
ZAC: No. really?
PC: How am I
doing so far, hmm?
Look! Look!
There, there, up ahead!
He's gone round
the corner. Go, go!
I hate to be
the one to
bring it up,
but is this as fast
as this thing goes?
Pull left here...
(BOTH YELLING)
PC: Oh, this never
happened to Benji.
Oh, no, no, don't worry
about me, I'm fine!
Oh, he's gone inside.
(GROWLING)
Mummy?
(SNARLING)
Ahhh! That's it! Run!
It's the wolf!
(WHIMPERING)
ANJA: I think
you'll find
it's all here.
Let me see.
Fifty-one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven.
Thank you so much
for getting this
together so quickly.
(WHIMPERING)
I'm sorry, Zac.
I tried. Honest, I did.
And I just think
I'm going to get eaten.
I mean, it's not like
I could have helped.
I mean... Oh!
Oh, shut up,
you coward! Run!
Low-fat doggy treats,
my eye!
(COUNTING)
Three thousand.
(BRANCH SNAPPING)
(BRANCH CREAKING)
Ahhh!
(BARKING)
Ahhh!
(SNARLING)
ZAC: Let go!
ANJA: Sibelius, heel!
STEPHEN: Zac?
Are you all right?
ANJA: Do you know
this boy, Stephen?
He's my son.
What's he doing here?
I don't know.
I guess he must
have followed me.
Well, you'd better keep him
on a lead next time.
This isn't the place
for children.
I should take him home.
ANJA: Mmm.
Haven't you
forgotten something?
Hmm?
And don't spend it
all at once.
What were you doing here?
ZAC: Nothing.
Just taking PC for a walk.
(MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR RADIO)
Were you spying
on me or what?
Zac, if you want to know
who that woman is,
all you got to do...
She's a criminal.
(CHUCKLING)
She's not a criminal.
She lends money to people.
People who can't
get loans
the regular way.
(SCOFFS) People
who can't get a job,
you mean.
I work, Zac.
Just because...
You don't work!
Mum works because
you won't get a job.
She goes to work
in some crappy bar
and you...
No, she works in that club
because she wants to.
No one's forcing her to.
That's what
she wants to do.
It's not!
She hates it!
And she hates being here!
STEPHEN: Did she
tell you that?
She hates Sydney
and she hates the job!
Did she tell you that?
She didn't have to!
I already know.
Zac, look, I...
I know you blame me
for bringing us out here
and I know
it was hard for you
to leave Melbourne
and everything that
reminded you of your dad.
Don't talk about my Dad!
He's got nothing
to do with you.
Okay, fine.
At least he never
made Mum work.
All right!
Now, that's enough!
Now, I'm not your dad,
and I'm not trying
to take his place.
Yes, you are!
I'm not, Zac!
Your dad's gone!
Shut up!
And I'm sorry.
I'm really, really
sorry he's dead.
I wish you were dead.
Well, I'm not dead.
I'm here.
And I'm staying here
because I love your Mum
and I love you and Binky.
I'm just sorry
you can't understand that.
I want to go home.
We are home.
Come on,
I'm cleaning up
that wound.
Where'd your Mum
put that iodine?
ZAC: You should know,
Dad.
(WHIMPERING)
STEPHEN: Give it
a rest, will you?
Leave it!
It's just a cut!
Pass me one of
those bandages.
(SIGHING)
All right!
Just let me do it, Zac!
Oh, I'm fine!
(ZAC GROANING)
Zac!
Just leave me alone!
(WHIMPERING SOFTLY)
Ever had one of those days?
(GRUNTS)
I'm sorry
I let you down, Zac.
I don't want to
talk about it.
I couldn't help myself.
You see, it...
It's that woman.
I was trying to
tell you before but...
Oh! I said
I do not want to
talk about it.
Hi, darling.
I just came in to say...
Say good night.
Hmm.
Was it really awful?
Can I tell you a secret?
I loved it.
Isn't that ridiculous?
There's all these big,
Italian mamas dancing
and me wearing
this stupid dress and
playing those dumb songs.
And I've never had
more fun in my life.
(CHUCKLES)
That's great, Mum.
Yeah.
Anyway,
it's stupid, really.
Goodnight, darling.
Mum?
Um... Mum...
Did Dad... You know,
did he like you
playing the trumpet?
Well, he was...
He was busy
most of the time.
He had a lot
of responsibilities.
(PC WHINING)
PC: Stephen may be
involved in
something stupid.
But he is not a bad man.
We dogs can sense
things like that.
There comes a time, Zac,
when you have to
let go of the past.
You know what I mean?
Right?
That's what
growing up's
all about.
Come on.
You know? Yeah?
AMY: Darling, hurry up!
The play starts in an hour.
It's up to you.
You can sulk in your room,
or you can get out there
and do the play.
(SIGHING) Give me
one good reason.
(BINKY LAUGHING)
Well, how about that,
Sibelius?
I've been watching
the wrong house.
Fancy a night
at the theater?
(SIBELIUS GROWLING)
(MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
(DIALOGUES CONTINUE
INDISTINCTLY)
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
(CHILDREN CHANTING TOGETHER)
ALL: ...our fairy queen!
(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)
SAMANTHA: What angel
wakes me from
my flowery bed?
My Oberon!
What visions have I seen?
Me thought I was
enamored of an a*s.
(WHINING)
OBERON:
There lies your love.
How came these
things to pass?
0h, how mine eyes
do loath his visage now.
Silence awhile!
Robin, take off his head.
There lies your love.
Ah, Titania!
Music, h*, music,
such as charmeth...
(WHIMPERING)
(LOUD MUSIC PLAYING)
(PC TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
Music,
h*, music.
PC: Nobody panic!
Well, maybe just a little.
There's a mad woman
on the loose!
Whoa! Help, help!
PC: Zac! Save me, Zac!
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
PC: I can't see!
I've gone blind!
BOY: Whoa!
PC: Men, women,
children, and puppies
to the boats!
Sorry, Madam.
(ALL YELLING)
Stop it. Stop it!
(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
(GIRL SHRIEKING)
SAMANTHA: Stop it!
(TIN CLATTERING)
Samantha!
I thought you did
wonderfully, darling.
Samantha, wait!
Samantha, wait!
It wasn't my fault.
You made me look
like an idiot!
But I didn't mean to.
Why did you do it?
Because Toby kissed me?
Is that it?
Samantha.
Do you know how hard
I've worked for this?
It's the only thing
I'm good at, Zac.
It isn't.
It is. I'm not
smart like you.
I can't do all that stuff.
I'm good at one thing,
and you've ruined it.
I'm sorry.
I don't care
if you're sorry.
You know, the only reason
I was hanging out with you
in the first place
was because mum made me.
Uh-oh! Here we go again!
You!
PC: Easy!
Easy!
Don't follow! Sit still!
ZAC: This time
you've gone too far!
There's a good boy!
Come here!
Now, just keep calm, Zac.
Calm? Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't throw you
out of the window!
(SPEAKING MOCK-ICELANDIC)
What?
Because I'm your friend.
That's how you say it
in Icelandic.
Icelandic?
I think you'd
better sit down.
It's time I told you
the truth.
That woman who came
after me tonight, Anja?
The thing is,
I lied to you before.
I do know her.
I know her very well.
(WATER TRICKLING)
(CLICKING BUTTON)
She and Alex
were married once.
In Iceland.
Alex wrote
computer programs.
Anja was his assistant,
but she never loved him.
When I was
still a youngster,
Anja began stealing
his programs
and selling them.
Alex found
a million dollars
in her bank account.
Poor devil was crushed.
Hmm.
PC: So one night,
when she was asleep,
we took the money and fled.
I thought maybe
we'd be safe
in Australia.
Maybe Anja would
forget about the money.
ANJA: Hmm.
PC: But Anja
never forgot anything.
ZAC: The first night
you were here,
you had a disk.
That was it, wasn't it?
So, what's on it?
I don't know.
A clue to where
the money's hidden.
But now she knows
where I live.
And she knows about you.
We're all in a lot
of danger, Zac.
(FOOTSTEP)
And that includes
you, Samantha.
(WEAKLY) I came
to say I'm sorry...
(PC PANTING)
(SNIFFING)
PC: She's coming around!
SAMANTHA: Oh, my God!
ZAC: What is it?
Ugh! Dog breath.
(COUGHING)
What? Dog breath?
I'm a dog!
I'm sorry.
Listen, Samantha...
PC: What are you
saying here?
I have an odor problem?
SAMANTHA:
It's just that smell.
PC: Me?
PC!
Why didn't you
say something?
I mean, we're
supposed to be...
Oh, my God!
...mates, right?
You just keep talking.
What was I
supposed to say?
PC can talk?
"Clean your teeth,"
would have been a start.
Listen, Samantha...
You try eating raw meat
twice a day.
I know...
You'll see.
Oh, my God!
Oh, come on,
can you quit
saying that?
It's just so humiliating.
Oh, my God!
Samantha!
Oh, my God!
If you're going to sit there
and say "Oh, my God,"
then you might as well
go home.
Right.
ZAC: I know it's a shock,
but we've got stuff
to do, all right?
You're not going to
tell anybody
about PC, are you?
Not if you
let me help you.
Oh, don't look at me.
I stink.
Alex was my friend.
Hmm.
(SIGHING)
All right.
Fair enough.
The first thing
we've got to do is
see what's on that disk.
Got it!
What?
Gone!
Oh, great!
MAN: Take it or leave it.
No, no.
I'll take it.
(MAN TALKS INDISTINCTLY)
What, now?
You're coming now?
It's kind of late,
isn't it? I mean...
SAMANTHA: What
does it look like?
ZAC: It's a disk, Samantha.
SAMANTHA: Gee, thanks, Zac.
Can you hold on a see?
Zac, what are you doing?
I'm on the phone.
Nothing.
I'll check the kitchen.
Oh!
Told you I wanted
to help you
clean up your disks.
It's beautiful.
Yeah, well, um...
I'm sorry
it wasn't ready
for your birthday.
It got broken
in the move and...
(CHUCKLING) Is this
your view of me, is it?
(BOTH LAUGHING)
SAMANTHA: Zac!
You found them!
Later.
Zac?
Zac, the disk.
PC: That's it.
That's the one!
ZAC: "Just a short note to
say thanks for everything.
"This will take care
of you and Sammy.
"Special of the Day?"
Steak and kidney.
What?
Mum's pies!
PC: It's a puzzle!
Of course!
What are you both
talking about?
PC: Alex had everything
in his computer.
I expect... Look,
give the gate
a good hit!
The Special of the Day...
(GATE BUZZING OPEN)
...is the clue to find
the password
to find the clue
to find the money.
PC: Piece of cake.
As long as you know
his favorite pie.
A note
to follow so.
SAMANTHA: What's
the green thing?
A ball?
A lime donut?
A pea, l think.
A note to follow so.
* Doe, a deer
a female deer
(PC HUMMING)
BOTH: * Ray,
a drop of golden sun
* Me, a name I call myself
* Far, a long,
long way to run
* Sew, a needle
pulling thread
* La, a note to follow Sew
* Tea, a drink...
ZAC: PC,
I think we've got it.
It's "la."
The note to follow sew.
SAMANTHA:
So that's "la" and a "P."
Lap. "La" and "P."
Well done.
The rest is in
and under your nose.
Bonne chance.
(WHIMPERING)
Zac, you know
that stuff I said about
Mum making me
hang out with you?
I didn't mean it.
Oh, that's all right.
I suppose I did
sort of mess it up.
PC: Ahem!
Excuse me! Hello!
What does it mean?
Well, bonne chance.
It's French. It means,
"Good luck."
Ahhh!
(BARKING)
Don't
move.
Get away from
that screen, brat!
Zac! Delete it!
No! No, no, no, no!
(BEEPING)
(GROANING)
Get back.
(PC WHINING)
PC and I
are old friends.
It would be a shame
to have to hurt him.
SUSIE: Sammy!
Mom?
ANJA: Hmm!
SUSIE: Is that you,
Samantha?
(HISSES)
Stop her! PC!
(CAR ACCELERATING)
PC!
Are you all right?
Where's the boat
going, Dad?
It's going away.
Stephen!
Where's the boat?
Gone.
Well, what are
you doing?
Well, I sold the boat.
What?
I sold the boat
to pay off some debts.
Stephen! We need your help.
What is it?
What's happened?
Ah! This brings back
memories.
Me, relaxing
with a drink,
Alex, out betting
on the huskies,
and you,
my little dumb friend,
tapping away on that
infernal computer.
So,
how are you, PC?
Not as dumb as I used to be,
you black-hearted she-wolf.
...and then
she came in
through the window...
SAMANTHA: And Mum
came up the stairs
because Alex sent
her a disk.
And... And she took PC.
Because Alex
had a million dollars.
Wait a minute!
(CHUCKLING)
A million dollars!
Yes! And if we don't find it,
she's going to k*ll PC.
I don't understand
why you went to her
in the first place.
She came to me.
Well, it was a couple
of thousand dollars
to kick-start my business.
I need tools.
The whole thing
is supposed to be
a surprise for Amy.
Well, you weren't
to know, I guess.
And then she k*lled
your friend, Alex.
Hell.
(PHONE RINGING)
ZAC: That will be her.
Hello.
STEPHEN: Zac, give me that.
ANJA: Hello. Hello?
Stephen Feldman.
So, have you got
my money, Stephen?
Well, you needn't worry.
We... We've got it.
Well, you'd better have it.
You have one hour only.
(STUTTERING) An hour?
Yes.
Sure.
Oh, one more thing.
No, no, no.
You touch that dog
or anyone in my family,
and I'll k*ll you myself.
You told her
we had the money,
didn't you?
Let's go get your dog.
Apparently,
they have my money.
You know, I'm glad
you can talk, PC.
I miss a chat.
And we have
a lot in common.
Like leaving hair
on the furniture?
(LAUGHING)
Like a sense of humor.
I miss you, PC.
(GRUMBLES)
Sibelius doesn't offer much
in the way of laughs.
(SNARLING)
Sibelius.
Go, eat your bunny.
(TOY SQUEAKS)
(GROWLING)
He was brutalized
by rabbits as a puppy.
Cute, isn't it?
Go to hell, Anja!
(GRUNTS) Get up.
We're going to the track.
(COMMENTATOR COMMENTATING)
ZAC: So Stephen comes up
with this wicked plan.
Hah! Who would have thought?
Susie's got this
bag of fake money
in the pie cart,
while Stephen
waits for Anya.
And Cordelia and I
have to rescue PC.
So, when do you
hand me over?
Hand you over?
(LAUGHING)
PC, a girl can't live off
a million dollars forever.
Think of yourself
as my pension.
The rest is in
and under your nose.
Bonne chance.
The rest is in.
The rest is in!
(BARKING)
Cordelia, shh!
(BARKING)
That's why he said,
"Bonne chance,"
for good luck.
Le lapin.
(SPEAKING FRENCH)
Rabbit! (SWEARS IN FRENCH)
(PC WHINING)
(SIBELIUS GROWLING)
Well, here goes nothing.
(SHOUTING) Hey! Ugly!
If I had a face like that,
I'd shave my bum
and walk backwards.
(GROWLING)
Ooh, and it growls
like a girl, too.
Oh, I'm so scared!
Oh, please don't
open this cage
and beat me up!
You big wild thing.
COMMENTATOR: Ladies
and gentlemen,
race five will
be commencing
in three minutes.
Please place
your bets now.
I love that smell
of sweating dogs.
This is it?
No, no, it's the money
I owe you.
My loan, paid back in full.
(LAUGHING) Wow! Cab fare.
Now, where's
my million dollars,
Stephen?
(DOG WHINING)
PC.
PC: (WHISPERING)
Zac! Over here!
(GRUNTS)
Hang on, PC,
I'm getting you out.
PC: Er... Zac?
I've almost got it.
Zac!
Would you quit
bugging me?
Help.
(SNARLING)
Ahhh!
(PC SQUEALING)
PC: It's gaining on us!
It's a huge hairy monster.
Quick!
Upstairs, upstairs!
He's gaining on us!
(SCREAMING)
(METAL CLANKING)
My feet hurt.
(BELL RINGING)
(DOGS GROWLING)
And they're lining up
for race five.
And they're racing!
(COMMENTATOR CONTINUES
INDISTINCTLY)
(SNARLING)
No dogs near
the food, all right?
Took my best apron!
(BARKING)
There's a number four
moved into first place
and just watch that
hairy greyhound go!
He's in the last lane,
and he's left the pack behind!
He's streaking away
like a mad lizard!
All he needs
is a blue tongue!
He's out on his own, folks.
Where's the rest of the field?
Do we have a name
for number four?
He's like
a runaway train!
It's no contest...
BINKY: Slow down!
PC, I've worked it out!
Is this your dog?
It's lapin! It's French
for rabbit! The money
is in the rabbit!
What are you
talking about?
I'm not talking to you!
Well, then, who are
you talking to?
Oh, get your greasy
hands off me,
fat boy!
(GASPING)
SUSIE: It's all there.
Hmm.
Samantha, I've got
to warn Stephen!
He's at the pie cart
with Anja.
I have to get up to
the commentator's box.
How are you
going to get up there?
I don't know.
Maybe I could... Whoa!
Please let me live!
Ahhh!
Ah! Ted! Sorry about
the window, but I need
the microphone.
You won't believe
the day I'm having.
Are you all right?
(ANJA CHUCKLING)
Do you take me
for a fool?
PC: (ON PA) Listen up!
I have a very
important announcement.
The money is in the...
(FEEDBACK OVER SPEAKERS)
BOTH: The rabbit!
The rabbit!
PC: Rabb...
What?
Huh?
Robot?
STEPHEN: No, no, no.
A rabbi! A rabbi's
got the money!
What rabbi?
You've got the money!
(GROWLING) Dam computer!
(BEEPING)
New fangled rubbish!
It's okay, Ted!
I'm back!
The money's in the...
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
(HOWLING)
The rabbit!
The what?
(SHOUTING) The rabbit!
The rabbit?
What rabbit?
The rabbit.
(GROANING)
SUSIE: The money's
in the rabbit!
Of course I don't
have any money!
Do I look like
I've got money?
COMMENTATOR: We apologize
for that interruption.
The dogs are being
lined up at the gates now.
(HISSING)
And hang on!
Just a minute!
There's something untoward
happening down there!
I don't believe it!
There's a fracas on the park
ANJA: I want the money!
Stephen?
ANJA: Rabbit! Mine!
My turn!
This one's for Alex,
you old bag!
COMMENTATOR: Oh!
What a beautiful
right hook!
Oh, excellent!
Mum!
COMMENTATOR: Well,
ladies and gentlemen,
whatever it is,
it's entertaining.
Rabbit...
Rabbit...
AMY: Stephen!
(ANJA MOANING)
What is going on here?
...the rabbit.
Bunny...
I want my money, my money.
Clear the way!
There's a dog
on a mission here!
Make plenty of room!
Sorry, fatso.
Money!
(BELL RINGING)
(YELLING)
Look! Look!
The money's
in the bunny!
There's no money!
Ooh!
Go, go, go!
(PANTING)
Whoa!
Oh, my God!
Oh!
(YELLING)
Nothing but smoke.
Lapin.
It's French for rabbit.
The clue said it was
under our nose.
It had to be the rabbit.
No money! No money!
SAMANTHA: My pin!
It's broken!
BINKY: What's a Hollywood?
SAMANTHA:
It's a place in LA.
LA?
Pin!
Well, you don't
mean that...
LA-pin.
Under my nose
the whole time.
(SAMANTHA GASPING)
Wow!
(CHUCKLING)
You've got to be joking!
(LAUGHING)
Oh, my God!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Yes! Give me five!
Yes!
(LAUGHING) Oh,
God bless you, Alex!
Oh, for goodness sake, Alex,
couldn't you have
just written her a check?
ZAC: Well, if it
had been that simple,
I wouldn't have met
the best friend
I ever had.
And anyway, Alex
loved a good story.
As long as it had
a happy ending.
(SCREAMING)
(CRASHING)
(KISSING)
(LICKING)
Oh, Cordelia,
let's go somewhere quiet
and sniff something good
like car tires.
What do you say,
blue eyes?
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Paws (1997)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters