Passport to Paris (1999)

[bunniefuu]

Timing was modified by:D.LUFF Y

Melanie: this is the world.

And this is the center of it.

At least we think so.

That's me. My name's melanie.

My friends call me me l.

That's my sister ally son, a.k.a. Ally.

And this is junior high,

Where we spend approximately

30 % of our waking hours.

And 4 % of our sleeping hours.

I mean, don't get me wrong.

We study a lot of important subjects.

For example, there's science.

See for yourself.

It's true.

Both: kelly has split ends.

Melanie: then there's english.

She was totally edging on my squeeze.

Soi dinged her with a bounce-bounce

In the numbers lab.

Melanie: and then there's creative writing.

And finally, that most important of important subjects,

The staple of every seventh grader's education...

Social studies.

The most popular boys in north wood junior high.

At least this week.

Enter helene and darlene.

Cheerleaders.

Enough said.

[sighs] i wish they'd ask us

To the spring fling dance.

Yeah, well, we can't get near them

With tweedledum and tweedledumber around.

- Kyle, let's snack some lime slime.

- Dude.

But if you can't beat 'em, mess with their heads.

It's super top secret.

Come on, me l, i promise not to tell anybody.

Well, i heard

5 kids went home sick today

After eating the meatloaf.

The meat was so bad it had e. Coli

And f. Coli.

Did it have those little white worms?

No. Those brown squishy worms.

Like this one.

[screaming]

It worked.

Hey, melanie.

- Hey, ally.

- Hey.

- I'm melanie. That's ally.

- Oh. Right.

- Worm?

- Gross-out candy. Cool.

- You guys are all right.

- Both: thanks.

- Mmm. Great dinner, mom.

- Where's the fire?

- I have to call to Hannah.

- After i call jenna.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on.

Don't you guys have something else

To do tonight besides talk on the phone?

Like what?

- Um, a little thing we used to call homework?

- We already did it.Swear.

- We do mat h homework during science...

- And science during english...

And everything else during social studies.

That class is so s and c.

S and c

Snooze and cruise.

Talk about a bore w*r.

It's totally... [snores]

If we were running the world,

There'd be no wars,

that's for sure.

There'd be so many pool parties,

And everybody would be in a great mood.

Nobody likes to fight in a bikini.

Mind?

Ok, who'd you rather kiss--

Kyle or leonardo dicaprio?

Get out. He does too shower.

They're turning 13 next month,

And their world is the size of a pinhead.

I heard they're opening up a max store at the mall

Right next to kenneth cole.

I think a pinhead is bigger.

[laughs] Honey,

i don't know what more We can expect from them.

- They're both getting straight as.

- But it's not about grades, jack.

It's about life.

I mean there's more to the world than call waiting

And a day at the mall.

It's up to us to show them.

What do you have in mind?

In 1805, napoleon upgraded the sewers

So that he could claim France had the

most advanced water system in the world.

The time between his escape from elba

To his ultimate defeat at water loo

Was called the 100 days

Because it took, well, 100 days.

In 1815, after his exile to elba,

Napoleon sadly disappeared from the world's stage.

Napoleon died on may 5, 1821.

Hmm. What have we here?

"me l, how 'bout shane and me take you and al

To spring fling dance?"

Hmm. Well, melanie,

What do you have to say for yourself?

"definitely."

[class laughs, bell rings]

- "thursday, margie's beach party.

- Friday, hannah's pool party,"

And saturday, spring fling with gorgeous shane.

And perfect kyle.

And that still leaves time for hanging at the mall.

Why can't it be spring break all year round?

[knock on door]

Knock, knock.

Now wait a minute.

You guys are supposed to say, "who's there?"

Uh, dad, we're a little old for knock-knock jokes.

Dad, that's so barney.

Then i guess you're too old for presents.

- No! Presents? No. Presents?

- Ok.

Very good.

- Camera?

- Passport? Where are we going?

Paris?

- We're going to par is?

- You're going to par is.

We're going to par is!

- When are we going to par is?

- Next week over spring break.

Nooooo!

In 1815, after his exile to elba,

Napoleon sadly disappeared from the world's stage.

Napoleon also had plans...

Melanie: we wanted to go to par is,

Really, we did.

We were just majorly bummed about missing the dance.

Anyway, we sent notes to kyle and shane

Explaining why we had to bail.

They were bummed, too.

For about a millisecond.

******

They didn't even wait an hour before asking

Helene and darlene to the dance.

Forget kyle and shane.

I can't believe we even liked those dorks.

They couldn't even tell us apart.

I guess.

It's just that i thought that shane

Was gonna be my first real boyfriend.

Wait. What if we don't get asked out again

Until we're, like, 20?

We'll do what everyone else does--

Blame our parents.

[knock on door]

Hey, hey, how's the packing coming?

What can i say?

We're teenagers.

Grandpa is sending a car to pick you up at the airport.

Can't believe we have to spend a whole week

With grandpa edward.

He's so strict.

I know. You might as well Just send us to prison.

It's probably a lot cheaper.

I know your grandpa is not great with you girls--

Mom

that's like saying

The titanic's not great with icebergs.

Ok, ok.

Try to understand.

Come here.

Try to understand ...

Your grandfather is the ambassador to franc e.

He's a very, very busy man,

And he loves you both very much.

He just sometimes forgets to show it.

I'm sorry you're gonna miss the dance.

But there will be others, i promise.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

Love you.

- I get window seat.

- No, you always get window seat.

- Do not.

- Do too.

- Mel, me l, do you have the, uh ...

- Passports?

- Ally, do you have the ...

- Tickets?

Mom, don't worry.

We're, like, 13.

We're not kids any more.

[door closes]

You're on my side of the car.

- Am not.

- Are too.

I'm worried.

What, about them?

[sighs] about par is.

Melanie: it was a long flight.

Flight attendant: welcome to american airlines.

Our flight today will be cruising

At an altitude of 35,000 feet.

Bienvenue suis american airlines...

[speaking french] Melanie: ally and i talked

most of the way, And then we fell asleep.

By the time we woke up...

Flight attendant: ladies and gentlemen,

Please fasten your seat belts

As we make our final descent into par is.

[speaks french]

Look, the eiffel tower.

- Ooh, look at it

- Take a picture.

Is this the champs elysees?

This is where all the major shopping is.

Oh, i so want to go here.

Look how cute that boy is.

Look at that car.

Oh, my gosh. It's so tiny.

Look. Arc de trio mph.

Take a picture.

I get to practice my french here.

This is so cool.

That's not re dame.

Look at that building.

Beautiful bridge.

I wonder if grandpa will have any time for us.

Hope so.

Yes, the ambassador's

very interested in your position.

I'll have to get back to you on that.

Au revoir.

I'm jeremy bluff,

Special assistant to the ambassador.

Your grandfather's just finishing up

A conference call.

- Now which of you is which?

- I'm melanie. She's ally.

For today.

Tough crowd.

Wow!

For a civil servant,

Grandpa's doing all right.

- Is that my granddaughters?

- Both: hi, grandpa.

Welcome to par is.

It's been far too long.

Almost 15 months since i've been to the states.

Oh, françois. My granddaughters,

Allyson and melanie.

Charmed, mademoiselles.

Oh, henri. My granddaughters.

They've just arrived in from the states.

Ah, honored and proud. I am henri.

And, no, i have no hot dogs or peanuts butter.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I have a casserole

just moments from dessert.

Jeremy, just in time.

Unfortunately, girls,

I've got a very busy schedule this week,

Soi will be unable

To chaperone you around the city.

However, my good assistant jeremy here

Will be happy to act as your tour guide.

- Me? But, sir, i ...

- It's all been arranged.

I've got a full itinerary set

For each day.

Yes, sir.

Great. We're stuck with bore-zilla.

We'll at least have fun torturing him all week.

Let me remind you

young ladies, That while you're here

You are representative of the american people,

And i expect you

To comport yourselves like such... As ladies

Is that correct?

Here is the library.

Down the hall is the drawing room.

Wow. A room just for drawing.

I'm impressed.

And your room is up the stairs

Second door from the left!

Dorothy, we're definitely not in kansas any more.

[french accent] i'm henri.

The american cooking, it tastes like

Ze ca-ca poo-poo.

The hot diggity doggies.

What the devil is all this noise?

- You mean the music?

- No, i mean my granddaughters.

This behavior is entirely unacceptable

Here in the embassy.

Now, dinner is going to be served promptly

At 1900 hours.

I expect you girls to be on time And dressed

for the occasion. Is that understood?

Yes.

[door closes] Melanie: we were in par is for 10 minutes,

And we were already in trouble.

Little did we know

Our stomachs were about to be in even bigger trouble.

First course, escargot henri,

Served at precisely 129 degrees centigrade

Or all is lost.

Bon appétit.

Thank you, henri.

You can eat up now, girls.

What is this stuff, françois?

Escargot.

That is so french.

We're eating escargot.

Girls, i had no idea you liked snails.

Pate de foie gr as.

That would be...

The poached liver of a force-fed goose.

Frog legs in a lemon butter sauce.

Calf's brains.

Check, please.

I'm starving.

I can't sleep on an empty stomach.

I feel your pain, but what are we gonna do,

Order a pizza?

Ecoute, mon vieux, no one at the embassy

nothing would order the Pizza Hut.

Half pepperoni, half sausage?

Don't forget the tip, henri.

[speaking french]

Jeremy, i'm holding you personally

responsible

For the welfare of the girls this week.

Sir, you can count on me. I

I've got everything under control.

Unlock the door.

We have a very busy day today, girls.

- From 10:00 to 1:00, we do the louvre.

- Last one to the louvre is a rotten baguette!

Girls, wait ...

Hey, we're walking here.

What are they doing?

Girls, no! Get away from them!

Ah, pardon.

[speaks french]

What'd he say?

Who cares?

"las fleurs de la champs."

Pinch me.

Ow, that hurt.

Jeremy, you've got to pay attention.

We can't even keep our eye off you for one minute.

Yeah, you're a mess. You know, this is the kind

of thing That gives americans a bad name.

Ok, girls, Busy day.

Let's get in line for the museum.

- Let's be open-minded.

- Ok.

I'll take the one in the red.

I'm talking about the museum.

Oh, right.

I'll still take the one in the red, though.

Welcome to the louvre,

Home to nearly 20 miles of halls,

400 rooms ...

and over one million works of art.

Shall we?

Come on, girls, we're late for lunch.

2,360 paintings.

847 sculptures.

846. The last one was a security guard.

Yes, yes, the ambassador's very interested

In your position.

- Jeremy, it's totally rude to digi-dial during lunch.

- Totally.

I think i'll order us some drinks to start.

You're gonna order for us?

La poisson, s'il vous plait.

My french teacher says i'm a natural.

Fish?

I didn't order this.

[speaks french]

No.

[speaks french] Excuse me, girls.

Perhaps i can help.

When you ordered poisson,

That means fish.

- Boisson means drink.

- Nice going, madame croissant.

[giggles, speaks french] - I'm brigitte.

- I'm melanie. This is ally.

- Hey, you're brigitte.

- Uh, she just said that.

No, the brigitte, the supermodel.

No, she's not.

Is she? Are you?

- I'm afraid so.

- Both: oh, my god.

You were on the cover of tres chic magazine.

You were wearing that

Jean-paul gaultier bathing suit.

Oh, no. Don't tell me you spend all day

With your nose buried

in those fashion magazines.

Well, not all day.

She usually breaks it up with some boy scoping

Or some mall trolling.

[laughs]

I was exactly the same at your age.

So, is this your first time in par is?

Well, par is is such a magical city,

Full of adventure and romance.

Oh, and here is the world's best shopping...

[whispers] and the world's cutest boys.

- Do you have a boyfriend?

- Ally.

As it happens, i travel a lot for work

And there's not a lot of time for boyfriends.

- Now what'd you say?

- I just said i liked her perfume, I think.

Ally, i'm afraid you told her she stinks.

Oh. I'm late for a fitting.

I'm doing a photo sh**t

At jar din de luxembourg on thursday.

Well, nice to meet you girls.

And, ally, be careful how you use your french.

Ciao, girls, nice to meet you.

And remember, this is par is.

Have fun. Ciao.

All right, girls,

Let's go.

Time to see the rest of the museums.

Museums? As in plural?

[sighs] Jeremy: would you pass the salt please,

mr. Ambassador?

So, what did you girls learn today?

- Both: learn?

- Jinx.

Girls? What exactly is going on?

Oh, i just jinxed her, grandpa.

Now she can't talk till i say her name.

Gee, what a shame.

Mr. Ambassador, sir, i was wondering

If you've had the opportunity

To review my position paper...

Felony, relony, selony, telony, belony

Melanie!

Melanie.

- Jeremy: as i was saying, uh, sir, i ...

- Jeremy, we've been over this before.

Saturday night is not your concern.

What's happening saturday night?

Well, the embassy is hosting a gala banquet

For the french foreign minister and his wife.

You girls will get the chance

To see diplomacy at work, first-hand.

Sounds like snore-zilla, the sequel.

Ally: man, this country is weird..

Grape juice with dinner?

No, no. It is not grape juice. It is...

Wine.

A fine beaujolais, if i'm not mistaken.

I can't believe grandpa had such a cow

Over the wine spritzer

It was an accident.

Why can't he be like other grandfathers?

You know, the sweet old guy who sits in a rocking chair

And brings us presents and tells us

How smart and funny we are?

Face it. We don't have a grandfather.

We have an ambassador.

The best thing that's happened to us

since we've been here Is nearly being

run over by those 2 french boys. ****

For once, you and i

Totally and completely agree.

Maybe we can see them again.

Hello? There's like a zillion people

In the city of par is

What are you gonna do, Look in the yellow

pages under Cute parisian boys driving mopeds?

No. Under le fleurs de champs.

The flower shop!

Do you prefer daisies or roses?

Girls!

We're going to lose our lunch reservation.

- Sparkles?

- Mmm. Too risky.

- Hat?

- Nix. Blocks your face.

Gotta hand it to you, ally.

If we pull this off

[bell rings]

Show time!

Delivery for melanie porter?

That's me.

Ah, michel.

Jean. It is very nice to feel you.

He means nice to meet you.

Between his english and your french,

I don't think you'll ever Fight about anything.

Ally: hey, i have a great idea.

Why don't you guys come to lunch with us?

Hey! Awful!

He means, awesome... I think.

[both laugh]

Girls?

Can we please?

Who are they?

Ally: jean.

Melanie: and michel.

Is that supposed to mean something to me?

Oh, it should. They're coming to lunch with us.

- I don't think that's a good - Ally: come on, jeremy,

We don't want to lose our reservations.

Follow us.

Michel: jean's father owns a boutique des fleurs.

A flower shop. During spring break,

We deliver flowers for him

So we can make money to buy new instruments.

That's so cool. Do you guys have a band together?

Yes. Me and 4 other guys. The video heads.

Doesn't anybody drink regular water here,

Like, from a sink?

Only if you want to be, how you say,

Talking to ralph on the big white phone?

Michel: ha ha ha.

Do you like your school?

Eh, once the rain comes, i am sad.

Um, maybe we'd better stick to french.

Wha...

What?

Melanie: that's so cool.

I can't believe you know the dizzy deans.

I think the way they mix reggae and hip hop

Is totally original.

Their lyrics are like, eh, poetry.

Melanie: totally.

Excuse me while i visit the boys' room, please.

Feeling kind of nauseous.

Would the mademoiselle care to order?

I'll have the chicken [speaks french]

With the sauce on the side [speaks french].

[speaks french]

You cannot get the sauce on the side.

- Why?

- Why?

Because the chef will not allow it.

What did he say?

Uh, loosely translated, he said

How dare you talk to that beautiful girl that way?"

And, uh, he is a rear end of a flying baboon.

That's the nicest thing

Anybody's ever done for me.

Uh, it was, eh, anything.

What you are seeing, this is not par is.

Come with us. We will show you the real par is.

Uh, as you say, [speaking french]

Ally: we're so there.

Melanie: let's go.

"meet you in front of the embassy at 5:00.

Remember, leave a good tip." no!

Jeremy: girls! Wait! Wait!

Girls! Wait--wait!

Hold on, girls!

Think of my career!

I hate kids.

Where do you play?

Uh, i come here sometimes.

I love it!

- Are you having fun?

- I'm having a blast.

Melanie: we've been to so many museums,

It's all a big blur.

I probably wouldn't be able to tell

The mona lisa from lisa simpson.

Tourists race through the louvre

At 50 kilo meters an hour.

You can't appreciate anything that way.

Better to see one painting and really see it

Than to race by 100 in a blur.

Wait.

What's the hurry?

You see, the artist uses light

To capture the emotion of the city.

It feels like these col ors

Are what we wish we saw every day.

Exactly.

It's not supposed to be realistic.

It's emotion.

That's what art is really about

How you feel when you look at the painting.

It's beautiful.

And this view is amazing.

Paris is the most beautiful place i've ever seen..

Now, this is real french food.

Do they food you at the embassy? No?

Um, yeah, they food us,

But nothing we can recognize.

Ha ha. You're a funny girl, ally.

You know, i could get used

To this language barrier thing.

Ally: this has been the coolest day.

Yeah, thanks for showing us around.

We've had the greatest time.

Time? Oh, my god, what time is it?

Uh, 4:45.

We're supposed to be home at 5:00.

We promised jeremy.

We're on the other side of the city.

We'll never make it.

- Are we almost there?

- Almost.

- Both: thank you

- Bye.

Thank you so much.

- Both: thank you

- Bye.

Oh, my god, that was so much fun.

Do you girls realize

That i've been worried sick about you all day?

My--my career would be down the toilet

If anything had happened to you.

Jeremy, i didn't know you cared.

You've left me no choice

But to let the ambassador know

What you've been up to today.

Oh, good idea

I'm sure he won't be too upset

When he finds out

you let us run around town

All day with 2 boys.

- Ally: french boys.

- Teenage french boys.

See you at dinner, J.

So what did you learn today, girls?

Mmm, not much.

Oh, except did you know not re dame

Has an excellent support system

Called the flying buttress?

The builders practically invented The gothic

style of architecture In the 12th century.

Could you pass the salt, please?

Melanie: yeah. Most of the kings of franc e

Were crowned or married there.

Did you know it took over 200 years to build?

Guess they weren't in much of a hurry.

Salad dressing, please, jeremy?

Earth to j-man.

Hmm? Oh, dressing. Right. Sure.

Dressing for you.

Girls, you have indeed

Learned something today, haven't you?

Yeah. And we owe it all to jeremy.

We're supposed to meet the boys at 2:00 tomorrow.

We're supposed to meet the boys at 2:00 tomorrow.

Well, we can't keep ditching jeremy.

I'm actually kind of feeling bad for the bone-head.

What we need is a plan.

A diversion.

What we need is...

I've got it.

Perfect.

- Good morning, o favorite tour guide of ours.

- Good morning.

Look, girls, i appreciate That you made me look

good In front of the ambassador last night,

But that does not give you license

To tick me off today, ok?

- Who, us?

- What's the first stop of the day?

Today, the rod in museum.

No? Jardin de luxembourg.

That's weird. I could have sworn

This park sure is pretty.

Lots of beautiful things to look for.

I mean, at.

Uh, jeremy, isn't it a great day

I mean, to look outside in the nature and stuff?

Yeah, it's terrific. My allergies are thrilled.

Wait. Wait. Ah-choo!

Both: eww.

Melanie: look, ally, it's brigitte,

The supermodel we met at the cafe.

All right, you 2 girls are friends with a supermodel.

Ally! Melanie!

What a nice surprise. Mmm.

Brigitte, this is jeremy bluff,

Special assistant to our grandfather,

The u.s. Ambassador to franc e.

Oh, very nice to meet you, mr. Bluff.

Call me...

Jeremy?

Uh, jeremy. Call me jeremy.

What a fascinating career you have, jeremy.

Foreign diplomacy has always been an interest of mine.

Jeremy: really? It's a very

Fascinating and complex field, yeah.

Really. That is why i did

My postgraduate studies on international relations.

Postgraduate work?

I did my masters dissertation

On the middle east peace talks.

My--my first posting was in saudi arabia.

- Really?

- Yes.

Jeremy: so the saudi prince says to me,

We will sign the accord

If you teach us the mac arena.

I can't believe she's even buying this stuff.

So what did you do?

Well, you know. [humming]

- Geek police had better make a citizen's arrest.

- You know, hey.

Okay, Phase 2.

Jeremy: so there i am, all alone

With the saudi prince and his barber.

Uh, jeremy?

We thought it might be fun If you went to

the south end Of ponte d'alexander at 2:00?

- The ponte d'alexander.

- Ally: you know, a bridge built For the 1900 exhibition.

It presents par is at its grandest.

Well, at least

That's what it says in the book.

There wouldn't be 2 boys

Waiting at the other end of this bridge, would there?

You met some boys.

Wow, you girls don't waste any time.

I'm sorry. It's not on the itinerary.

But, jeremy, if we don't show up,

Jean and michel Will think we stood them up.

- Then what will they think of americans?

- Yeah, what kind of diplomat Are you, anyway?

Yes, jeremy, what kind are you?

The kind that caves, apparently.

Ok. To the bridge.

Michel: it's sad you don't see

your grandfather very much.

Melanie: yeah, but i don't think he's too disappointed.

- He kinda thinks we're a nuisance.

- "nuisance"?

Uh, yeah. You know,

A pain in the butt.

Paris used to have a swim competition here years ago,

But it was canceled

because the seine was so polluted.

That's why the water treaty is so important

Force each country to clean up after itself.

You know, the regula

I'm rambling about water issues.

Somebody get the hook.

No, no, no, no. I think it's wonderful

That you're so passionate about your work.

Repeat after me

"that gee k is a total freak show."

Zat gee k...

Is a total... Freak show.

Great.

A few more key phrases,

And you're ready for junior high in california.

My father is a butcher.

All he ever talks about is meat.

Lamb chops this, Pork chops that.

He wants me to take over his business one day.

He thinks my music is a waste of time.

I'm afraid i disappoint him.

- But you can't stop playing if you love it.

- I told him it was important to me.

He says, "you know what's important?

"A nice file t mignon

that's what's important."

Well, i guess it's the same in every country.

Adults, they just don't understand kids.

Modeling is fun, but it's just a job

With a very short shelf life.

But next year, i'm going back to grad school

To get my ph.d. In international relations.

A supermodel and a scholar.

You're a very impressive person, brigitte.

[giggling] Ah, american girls So different

from the french. They like to, uh... Larff.

Rire.

Oh. You mean "laugh."

Oui. Laugh.

They are funny, like you.

Parisian girls,

They walk around like this...

But the american girls,

They walk like this...

Oh, my god!

See?

Paris is so romantic at any age.

So you really speak 4 languages?

5, with japanese,

But i'm really not that fluent.

- Well, i have to get back to work.

- Ah, so dinner tomorrow night?

8:00?

Ciao, jeremy.

I'd say we've done you a pretty big favor, dr. J,

Wouldn't you?

Finding you a supermodel girlfriend and all that.

Yeah. Wonder how you'll ever repay us.

Girls.

- Did you get it?

- I got it.

- It's in the bag.

- Wait. Not so fast, j-man.

- What?

- Make sure it's all there.

2 large fries and 2 hamburgers.

Wait. Where's my chocolate shake?

Give me a break.

I ran out of money.

I thought so.

Le mickey donald?

In my kitchen? J'ai les vapeurs.

I think i'm going to faint.

We're sorry, henri. We were just so hungry.

Have you ever even tried

A fast-food burger and fries?

Moi? I'm henri. I was trained at the cordon bleu.

I don't eat these--

Pfft-pfft-pfft-- fast food.

You're too stuck in your own ways, henri.

You have to be more open-minded.

Au contra ire.

It is you two who never want to try anything new.

Americans are the most closed-minded.

Eh, just look at this one.

Ok, we'll make you a deal, henri.

We'll try one of your concoctions

If you try one of ours.

We will?

Bon. You have a deal.

Quail eggs with artichoke.

Ze hamburger...

And ze fries.

On the count of 3.

One...

2...

Deux... Wait.

It's called a hamburger.

You have to use your hands.

One...

2...

Trois.

Mmm! Not bad.

Ah. Tu le vois? I told you,

French cuisine is the most exquisite in the world.

Henri has a very refined palate.

[talking with mouth full] i don't understand

How people eat

this rubbish junk...

This trash...

Here, henri.

Try it with this.

Ketchup.

Trust me.

Thanks for taking us out for the shakes.

Oh, i kinda got a craving for one myself.

Mmm!

I forgot how good these things are.

So, why do you always look so miserable, j-man?

Yeah. Why do you stick around the embassy

If you hate it so much?

Oh, i don't hate it.

I've been in embassy operations for 3 years.

I can't seem to get your grandfather

To take me seriously,

You know, move me up to a policy position.

That's rough.

It's sort a like when i wanted

My mom and dad to move me up to a pg-13 movie.

They wouldn't take me seriously

Until i proved to them

That i was old enough to handle it.

How'd you do that?

Well, i acted real mature.

And when that didn't work...

I whined.

A lot. They cracked like an egg.

Much. They melted in an instant.

Do i have a choice?

Hey. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

sh**t.

Ok. Well, around us,

You're always in control and bossy and stuff.

But around grandpa, you're a...

- A... Chicken.

- Thanks. That's it.

All i'm saying is you gotta stand up for yourself

And get a big mouth like...

- Melanie.

- Yeah, like me.

- Wait. What?

- Gotcha.

[techno music playing loudly]

Here are the forms, monsieur.

Merci, françois.

And, uh, tell the girls to turn that noise off.

Oui, oui, monsieur.

What in blazes is this?

French fries.

Bon appetit, monsieur.

The whole staff has gone batty.

- Good morning, ladies.

- Good morning, J.

So what's the itinerary for today?

Itinerary.

- What do you wanna do today?

- Shopping!

I don't do shopping.

I do shopping. Yeah.

[sugar by stretch princess playing] Pose là.

Oh, that would be great. And this one

this one for you.

Ok. Let's change.

Fashion show.

1, 2, 3, Attitude.

Attitude.

And then we turn.

Attitude. Like that.

Photo!

[camera shutter clicking]

Ok. Let's go.

Attitude always.

The dinner menu, monsieur.

The menu's fine. Thank you, françois.

And make sure the girls are on time for dinner.

The mademoiselles are very tired

And wish to be excused

monsieur ambassador.

Get out ta here with your bad mademoiselle self.

- Look. They're coming.

- Remember the true test.

Can they tell us apart

If not, it wasn't meant to be.

- Hi, melanie.

- Ally.

I am so glad you were able to,

How you say, sneak out?

And you almost made it.

Girls, where are you going?

Uh, jean and michel were just showing us

Where to pick up some...

Tea for grandpa.

See ya later.

Really? Well... I'll just call him

And see if there's anything else he might need.

Ok, ok. Jean and michel invited us to dinner.

Way to hang tough, ally.

We didn't ask for grandpa's permission

Because we knew he'd say no.

- He just doesn't understand...

- How important this is to us.

Hello, françois. This is jeremy.

Please tell the ambassador...

That i have taken the girls out for an ice cream.

- So where are you taking them?

- Our favorite restaurant.

Secret place.

Secret place?

Great. Great.

You be at the place de la concord e

In 3 hours.

I'm holding you two personally responsible.

No excuses. Comprenez-vous?

You have to worry.

He means you don't have to worry.

We promise.

Thanks, J.

3 hours.

I thought we were going

To the eiffel tower for dinner.

And so we are.

- This is amazing.

- It's beautiful.

- This is your secret place.

- You can see for miles.

This is incredible.

Mademoiselles,

Welcome to restaurant jean-michel.

Table for 4.

Angela and i were together for 3 years.

I don't know if i was afraid of commitment

Or if she was just the wrong person,

But i buried myself in my work.

Finally, she got fed up with me.

She ran off with some guy

She met at a club med in the bahamas.

Violins, please.

- I'm sorry. Sorry.

- Oh, don't be.

So, what about you?

- What about me?

- Oh, please. Come on.

A well-educated, gorgeous supermodel--

Unattached.

There's a story there.

There was someone.

We were engaged.

Ooh. The plot thickens.

He was a grand prix driver

Traveling all around the world.

And i was a fashion model doing the same.

One day, i saw a picture in the tabloid.

It said we were the most romantic couple in the world.

Doesn't sound so bad.

We never even spent more than 3 days together.

Some romance.

Neither one of us wanted to compromise our careers,

- So...

- So here we are,

2 uncompromising workaholics

Who can't make a relationship work.

You know what?

Jeremy, the truth is...

That every relationship is hard,

But people want to make it work.

The gelati looks delicious.

Do you want to split a chocolat?

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm more of a vanilla kind of guy.

I love chocolat.

So what shall we do?

One chocolate gelati, please...

Melanie: the lights of par is are so unbelievable.

It takes my breath away.

- Are you feeling sick?

- No. It's just an expression.

Melanie,

our band, the video heads,

Are playing tomorrow night at a dance.

Yes?

- Would you like to go with me?

- Of course.

That sounds awesome.

I'd love to go to the dance with you.

We're happy for to go you.

I actually understand your english.

What?

Well, when we were 9,

Ally and i went to disneyland for the first time.

And i thought, this was the best day of my life.

I didn't think life could get any better.

Mmm! This chocolate eclair is très magnifique.

What? What's so funny?

What do you mean off limits?

There is no sign anywhere.

Melanie: what does it say?

No trespassing.

Violators will be... ex*cuted.

Prosecuted.

I'm not sure which one is worse.

Anything?

I'd better call the ambassador.

How could you be so irresponsible, jeremy?

Look, you want me to trust you?

Where are my granddaughters?

Sir, all i can do is apologize

And say i am so... Sorry.

- I thought ...

- You're sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

How could i have been so stupid?

It wasn't stupid.

It was romantic and sweet.

- If anything happens to those girls

- No, no, no, no.

They're fine, jeremy.

Woman's intuition.

Ok.

Thank god.

Guess what? We got a ride home.

Um... are we in trouble?

Yes, we are.

Allyson, melanie,

I'm very disappointed in you.

As united states ambassador to franc e,

I cannot have my granddaughters

Being hauled into police headquarters,

Gallivanting around par is

With 2 delinquent little french boys.

- But, grandpa, you don't even know them.

- Sir, if i might say one thing

I will deal with you later.

No, sir.

No, sir. You'll deal with me now.

Ally and melanie don't deserve this.

Your granddaughters are 2 terrific kids

Who came to par is to have fun.

And they met 2 boys

Who introduced them to

the crazy, fun par is

That you once knew yourself

edward.

Ally and melanie are so smart,

So fun, So full of life.

You could find that out for yourself, sir,

If you would just take the time To get to know them.

You are very close to insubordination, young man.

Well, i'm about to get a little closer.

I gave you my position paper

On the water treaty a week ago.

You have yet to read it.

I have something to offer here,

But i see now that my contribution

Is falling on deaf ears.

So, mr. Ambassador,

With all due respect,

What?

Jeremy, you can't.

- Jeremy, you can't.

- Melanie: not because of us.

No, no.

Thank you both

You've given me the courage

To do what i should've done months ago.

Shall we?

You are forbidden to see those boys ever again.

Is that understood?

- But, grandpa...

- End of discussion..

- Mel?

- I heard it.

Sounds like a rock on the window.

A rock on the window.

What are you doing here?

How'd you guys get past the guards?

Those marines?

Nice guys. Oh, we're very sorry

- For getting you in trouble.

- Don't worry about it. It all worked out ok.

Except...

Ally: we have some bad news.

We can't go to the dance with you

Tomorrow night.

Melanie: you guys should invite someone else.

Michel: never.

Either we go with melanie and ally son

Or we go alone. Right, jean?

Right!

Ally: it's not just the dance.

We can't see you any more.

- What? You can't see us again?

- Jean: ever?

Man: hello? Who is out there?

You guys better go.

We don't want you getting into any more trouble.

Good-bye, beautiful girls.

Don't forget us.

"mercury content"?

"parts per billion"?

Do you understand this stuff?

- I didn't know jeremy was this smart.

- He hides it well.

May i come in?

Come in.

We just thought we'd get a jump-start on packing.

I see.

Do you mind if i sit down?

Sure.

Girls, um...

I want to apologize.

Now, what you did was wrong...

But perhaps i deserve some of the blame.

I should've spent more time with you this week.

Believe me, i understand

That par is has a certain allure,

A way of making you wannabe spontaneous.

spontaneous.

I remember.

I met your grandmother here. Did you know?

Really?

At the end of world w*r ii,

I was a soldier stationed here in par is,

And your grandmother was a nurse.

And when the w*r was over,

I was afraid that i'd never see her again.

I'd only known her a few short weeks...

But i spent every last franc that i had

To take her on a boat ride down the seine.

She thought i was saying good-bye.

Just as we passed under the pont neuf...

I asked her to marry me.

And she said yes, and, uh...

We were together for 45 years.

You never told us that story before.

Well, i guess we haven't done much talking in the past,

Have we?

Look, before i forget,

These are for you.

I thought you might need

Something nice to wear for tonight.

Both: they're beautiful.

Thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.

Well, this is our last night together,

So, uh, let's enjoy it and make up for lost time.

What do you say?

- Sure.

- Ok.

Grandpa?

Why is this dinner so important to you?

Well

let's just say that there are some people

Who think that it's time for me to retire.

- Don't you want to retire?

- Me?

And do what?

Besides, there's a lot of fight

Left in your old grandpa.

I'll see you downstairs.

So, the tin man has a heart after all.

Melanie: it was our last night in par is

But our first official state dinner.

Grandpa was hosting this shindig

For the french foreign minister

And a lot of other very important people.

Can i get you some champagne?

Uh-uh. Here they come.

Monsieur foreign minister de bouvoir,

Madame de bouvoir,

My granddaughters

Mademoiselles melanie and ally son porter.

Enchanté, mademoiselles.

Nice to meet you.

This is their first trip to par is.

Really?

And how do you like our fair city?

Edward, she is a gem.

And where did she learn to speak

Such excellent french?

I suppose that was the n م

Not in one of your american schools, i trust.

What is this, a hamburger?

Non, non, non, monsieur le ministre.

It's a new delicacy i call bouef melanie.

Uh-huh.

Mmm! C'est delicieux. A truly unique creation.

Bravo, henri.

Melanie: grandpa was doing his best

To convince the foreign minister

That franc e should sign the clean water treaty.

But he wasn't having much luck.

He doesn't think his government should sign.

We've got to do something

To help grandpa.

François.

Grandpa: i understand your concerns,

Mr. Foreign minister

but we believe

The treaty benefits both of our countries.

I would like to be able to help you, my friend,

But we are unconvinced

That it is in our national interest.

So we will speak no more about it.

Edward, What is the meaning of this?

I'm certain i have no idea, mr. Foreign minister.

- Who is responsible for this?

- We are.

You better have an explanation, young ladies.

We do.

And it's a very good one.

Take it away, me l.

Me?

You watch all those legal shows.

Time for closing argument. Well, sir,

France has always prided itself At being

at the cutting edge Of water technology.

And, uh...

Stuff.

Napoleon bonaparte built aqueducts And

a modern sewer system So franc e would

have the most happening

Water system in the world.

I had no idea!

What do sewers have to do with anything?

Well, it's not so much the sewers,

Monsieur de beauvoir,

But what they represent.

Napoleon understood national pride,

And the parisians Used to drink out of

fountains And swim in the seine for fun.

But... Not any more.

Every time we ask for water in par is,

It comes in a bottle.

I mean, hello?

Is this the kind of world We want to live in?

Is this the kind of water

We want to drink?

Where the mercury content

Is 27 parts per billion.

And it makes you glow in the dark.

I don't think so. Jinx!

- Allyson. Melanie.

- Both: thanks.

Soi ask you, ladies and gentlemen,

What cost is too high

When your health

And your place in history

Are at stake?

Edward, I am sorry to report

Your granddaughters are more persuasive

Than you are.

Ah, bravo, young ladies.

Your esprit, your élan, your spirit.

We do not have this kind of passion

Amongst our young people these days.

Edward, I have decided to reconsider.

I will petition my government

To sign onto the clean water treaty.

François, Water for everyone.

It was a wonderful evening.

Edward, my friend, Thank you for the most

entertaining evening I have had in years.

And these girls.

They are gems. Both of them.

Come, madame de beauvoir,

Before i come to my senses And change my mind.

Where are you two off to in such a hurry?

Uh, we still have a lot of packing to do.

Really?

Because i was under the impression

You had a dance to attend.

- Unless you're too tired.

- Both: no!

Both: thanks, grandpa.

Let's go get ready.

Hurry, girls. I'll take you myself.

Melanie: come on, grandpa.

Allyson: let's stick our heads out the top.

Grandpa: now, girls, as an ambassador,

I cannot ride around With my head stuck out of a

Yahoo!

- Melanie: now this is sightseeing.

- Allyson: wave, grandpa.

Isn't par is gorgeous at night, grandpa?

Mm-hmm. I'd almost forgotten.

- Jeremy?

- Brigitte?

What are you guys doing here?

This is jeremy's last chance to chaperone

Before he starts his new job.

- Job?

- What new job?

As senior policy advisor

To the american ambassador.

- It seems i've been rehired.

- It seems i've been rehired.

Give it up for the j-man.

- Hi, melanie.

- Hi.

- Hi, Ally.

- May i have this dance?

- Oh, i'm not very good at this.

- Oh, yes, you are.

I don't know

When i'll see you again, melanie.

Well, when the video heads get famous,

Maybe you'll tour l.a.

- I'll e-mail you every day.

- I'll e-mail you twice a day.

3 times a day, and that's my final offer.

I'll miss you, funny girl.

I'll miss you, too.

When you said we'd see the real par is,

I didn't know you meant

The police headquarters.

I wish you did not have to leave tomorrow.

To be young and in love.

Oh, but i am, mademoiselle.

Ally, melanie,

You don't want to miss your flight.

I have specially prepared a paté as an appetizer,

and A quiche lorraine

As an entrée for your flight.

- It's just eggs. You'll like it.

- Thank you, henri.

- Yeah, thanks.

- Now you tell them,

My quiche lorraine must be served

At precisely 114 degrees centigrade or...

All is lost?

I will certainly miss

Your food projectiles, mademoiselles.

- A tout l'heure, girls.

- A tout l'heure, françois. 10:00 a.m.

And toodle-loo to you, too.

Well, girls, we better get going.

That's all right, jeremy.

I think their grandfather ought to take them

To the airport, don't you?

- I'll wait for you in the car, girls.

- Ok.

Au revoir.

I will miss you.

We're gonna be late.

So, uh...

Well, uh...

I guess you guys, uh...

Gotta hit the...

Jeremy, you're not gonna get

All mushy-gushy on us, are you?

Yeah, the last thing the state department needs

Is a mushy-gushy diplomat.

That could k*ll your rep big time.

- Thanks for everything.

- We're gonna miss you, you know.

Get over here.

We'll see you back in the states, ok?

- I promise. Ok?

- We better get going.

- We'll miss you guys.

- Bye.

Bye. Take care of them, mr. Ambassador.

I'm very proud of you girls.

No, i mean i'm proud of you ladies.

- Thanks, grandpa.

- You're welcome.

Hey, come on.

We've got a plane to catch.

We?

I'm taking a vacation.

I want to spend some time

Chillin' with my totally a-plus-plus family.

- Both: awesome!

- [laughs] jinx!

Grandpa: oh, gallyson, ballyson, jelanie, zelanie...

It's gonna be a nice quiet flight home.

Melanie: oh, don't worry.

Grandpa finally did unjinx us.

So that was the end of our par is vacation.

And, boy, we came home with some great memories.

We were only gone for a week,

But we changed for a lifetime.

- And we rode through par is

- On the back of their mopeds.

Melanie: ok, not everything changed.

But, hey, rome wasn't built in a day.

It says here that rome streets

Are paved with the history of civilization.

And africa's grasslands Have some of the world's

largest herds Of elephants, giraffes, and zebras.

So many amazing places in the world.

How are we ever going to see them all?

- Hey, ally.

- Hey, melanie.

- Oh, hey, kyle.

- Hey, shane.

That's kyle...

I'm shane.

You guys want to get some fro-yo at the mall?

Thanks, but, uh...

We've got homework.

Maybe some other time.

- Melanie: now, where were we?

- Allyson: i think it was africa.

Ally, i think this is the beginning

Of a beautiful adventure.

No, no, it is not grape juice, it's--

Wine.

- A fine beaujoulais, mademoiselle?

- Oui. Un peu.

Oh, what is it?

Oh, what is it?

Now this behavior is absolutely, entirely

Unbe-- [gibberish]

It seems i've been rehired.

And, and, uh...

- Uh, yes. Improved.

- Promoted.

Thank you.

Girls, i had no idea you liked clams

clams.

We didn't ask for-- [gibberish]

We didn't ask for--

We didn't ask for-- [gibberish]

We didn't ask for-- [gibberish]

We didn't ask for-- [gibberish]

Oh!

The builders practically invented--

[gibberish]

Oh, except did you know-- [gibberish]

Director: cut.

The builders practically invented The gothic

style of architecture In the 12th century.

Could you please...

Pass... please...

I see

I don't see.

Ah. Here they are. Monsieur, ma

Ah. Here they are.

So you'll see me eat. You want me to eat stuff.

[mouth full] hold on a second.

I can't believe grandpa had such a cow over--

I can't believe grandpa had such

I can't believe that

Yes, well, get back to me on that--oops!

Napoleon understood national pride

And ... Why are you shaking your head?

I can't believe grandpa had such a cow over the

I can't believe that

Wow.

I can't believe gr

Director: cut.

Director: take 2.

I can't believe you know the dizzy deans.

I think their music is so

- Director: take 3.

- I can't believe you know the dizzy deans.

I think the way they make

- Director: take 4.

- That's so

I expect you girls to be on time And dressed

for the occasion. Is that understood?

Yes.

Why can't he be like other grandfathers?

You know, the sweet old guy who

Where the mercury content is 27

Where the merc