Smart House (1999)

[bunniefuu]

♪

Young Man, In The Future,

Please Deposit The Paper

Inside Its Designated

Target Area.

No Problem, Lady. Whatever.

Lady?

I Will Be Monitoring Your

Accuracy From Now On.

Whoa!

Morning Paper.

Oh, Miles!

I Love The Amount Of Publicity We've Been Getting.

Look At That! Look At That!

Isn't That Fabulous?

I Think It's Because That Reporter Has A Crush On You.

You Think Everybody's

Got A Crush On Me.

That's Because

Most Men Do.

You're Just Too

Blind To See It.

Not Blind, Just

Very Busy.

Self-Inflicted.

You Have Heard Of The Book,

"Smart Women, Foolish Choices"?

It's My Autobiography!

Work Is Much

Safer For Me.

Safe Is Boring.

Can We Stick To The

Task At Hand, Please?

I'm Thrilled To See The Newspaper

Retrieval System Working So Flawlessly.

The Whole House Is Running At Max Efficiency.

You Should Be Proud

Of Yourself, Sara.

It's A Masterpiece.

You Made Sure You Downloaded All The Visuals?

Uh-Huh.

Good.

Pat, What's The Current

Temperature, Please?

Climate On Target

At 72.5 Degrees.

Uh-Hmmm. Thank You, Pat.

You're Welcome, Sara.

Voice Identification

Up And Running.

Like I Said, It's

All Top-Notch.

The Only Thing Left For

You To Do Is Sit Back

And Wait For Some Lucky

Family To Move In

And Screw It All Up.

™? Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

[Phone Rings]

Hello?

Sorry. He's Not.

Can I Take A Message?

Melanie?

Can I Tell Him What

It's Regarding?

Really?

Yeah. I'll Let Him Know.

No. I Won't Forget. Bye.

™? Jump, Jump ♪

♪ Uh-Huh. That's Right ♪

♪ You Want To Move ♪

♪ Get On The Right Track ♪

♪ First You Gotta Jump In ♪

♪ Then You Gotta Jump Back ♪

♪ C'mon, C'mon And Join

The House Line ♪

♪ Let's Party On Down,

Gonna Make Some Time ♪♪

All Right. Napkins.

Dad...

Sis...

Fork And Knife...

[Alarm]

C'mon, Mutt. We've

Gotta Pick Up Angie.

C'mon, Mutt.

Bye.

Hey. How 'Bout A

"Thank You"?

Thanks For Having Me.

Ok. See You Later.

™? Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

Thank You For Not Burning.

Hey, Get Going On Your

Homework, Ok?

I Need You To Run

My Spelling Words.

Yeah. One Minute.

And Take Off The

Rollerblades In The House.

What Are You Doing This

Time, Computer Boy?

Will You People Quit Entering?

This House Is Supposed To Be Mine.

Don't Tell Me You're

Entering Another Contest.

Just Go Study Your

Spelling Words, Please.

Sending Now...

Now Can You Help Me Run

My Spelling Words?

One Second.

C'mon, Mutt.

Time To Eat.

"Lesson."

L-E-S-S-O-N.

Good. "Teacher."

T-E-A-C-H-E-R.

"Practice."

P-R-A-C-T-I-C-E.

Dad!

Ah, There's My

Beautiful Pumkin.

How's Everything?

Good.

Something Sure

Smells Good.

Tuna Noodle.

Tuna Noodle.

My Favorite.

Ben! Got Ya Something.

You Got The

Sadler Account?

All 48 Stores!

Is That Good?

Is That Good? That's Incredible!

That's Excellent!

That's Amazing!

Good. Now You Can

Finally Start To Relax.

And You Can Start Dating,

So We Can Have A New Mom.

Why Would He Want To Do That?

We're Already A Perfect

Family The Way We Are.

Well, I Know We've Always Said We're A Perfect Family,

But There's Still Room

For A Little Improvement,

Don't You Think?

No.

Anyway, Thanks To Me, We're Soon

Going To Have Everything

We'll Ever Need.

Uh-Hmm.

Radio: It's Another Beautiful

Morning Here In Monroe County.

Rise And Shine And Enjoy

One Of My Favorite Tunes.

I Hope You Like It

Too. Have A Great Day.

Straight, Dad. The Part Is

Supposed To Be Straight.

Why Is It So Hard For You?

I've Told You A

Hundred Times, Ang,

I'm A Guy. I Don't

Have The Hairdo Gene.

Do You Think You Could At

Least Manage Some Piggy Tails?

Will You Not Yell At Me

If It Isn't Perfect?

I'm Not Making

Any Promises.

All Right.

Hold On.

Almost There.

Forget It. Let's Go.

We're Late

Enough As It Is.

What About

Your Hair?

So I'll Look Like A

Freak. What Else Is New?

Hey, Ben!

We're Heading Out

For Angie's Party.

Wanna Come Along For The Ride?

No. Thanks, Dad. I Have

Some Business To Attend To.

Aw, Ben. Not Another Contest.

Trust Me, Dad. This One

You're Gonna Thank Me For.

Come On.

We're Late.

[Dog Barks]

Radio: Remember,

All Entries Must Be Sent By Electronic Mail

And Logged In No Later

Than 10:00 p.m. Tonight.

Entrants Must Reside

In Monroe County.

Multiple Entries Accepted.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah.

Send Now.

Good News Is, About A Quarter Of

Those Entries Should Be Mine.

You Know You're

Obsessing, Don't You?

Obsessing Is

What I Do Best.

Relax. The Boss

Digs This Place.

He Totally Digs The

Idea Of The Place.

But Tonight He's Gonna

Finally See The Reality.

Don't You Just Love The Executive Mentality?

Never Show Up Till The Cameras Are Around.

Oh, I Can't Believe

We're Actually Picking

The Contest Winner Tonight.

Wouldn't It Make More Sense To Do It In The Morning?

Well, Tuttle Wanted A

10:00 p.m. Entry Deadline

To Make Sure The Announcement

Made The Morning Papers.

Are You Beginning To Experience

A Little Separation Anxiety?

I Don't Know, Miles.

After All I've Invested

In This Project,

I Just Want To Make

Sure That Everything

Goes As Perfectly As Possible.

Butler!

What Are You Doing

Out Of Your Cage?

What, Are You Trying

To Scare Mama?

Visitor Approaching,

Sara.

Ok. Thank You, Pat.

Miles?

Miles!

Playtime's Over.

It's D-Day. Let's Go.

'Night, Dad.

Hey, My Children.

All Showered?

Um-Huh.

Brushed

Your Teeth?

Picked Out Your Clothes For Tomorrow?

All Right. Give Me

A Hug And A Kiss.

I Love You.

Two Tons?

Two Tons--Six Tons!

I'll Be Up In Ten Minutes To Tuck You In.

Scoot.

Ok.

Bye, Dad.

I Love You, Son.

Love You.

Hey, You're Not Still Logged On The Internet,

Are You?

Why?

How's Anybody Supposed To

Call Us If You're Always

Tying Up The Line?

We're All Here.

Who Else Do You

Need To Talk To?

Gee, I Don't Know, Ben.

You Know... Your Grandparents,

A Friend, Maybe.

All Right!

All Right!

I'll Be Off At

Exactly 10:01.

I Promise.

Listen. Speaking Of Calls,

You Haven't Neglected To Give Me

Any Messages Lately, Have You?

Well, Like From Who?

Ah, A Woman Named... Uh...

Oh, Melanie.

She Called?

Yeah. Last Thursday.

I'm Really, Really

Sorry, Dad.

I Guess I Just Forgot.

How Many Times Have I Asked You

To Please Write

Down My Messages?

That Happens To Be The

Woman That Mrs. Macatee

Was Trying To Fix Me Up With.

Well, Blow Her Off.

Trust Me. I Mean, This

Lady Sounded Like...

Well, I Don't Know, But I

Could Tell She's Definitely

Not Your Type.

It's Been So Long Since I've

Been Out With Anybody

How Could I Possibly

Have A Type?

Well, Exactly.

I Mean, You're Doing So

Great Without A Woman

Why Rock The Boat?

Good Night, Benjamin.

'Night, Dad.

Ummm... 8,411.

Sara, Miles,

I'm Very Pleased With The Number

Of Responses We've Generated.

Well, Thanks To The

Constant Hard Work

Of Our Esteemed

Publicist.

Couldn't Have Done It

Without Such An Exciting

And Innovative House

To Promote, Sara.

Well, We're Just A Regular Mutual Admiration Society,

Aren't We?

[Phone Rings]

Ten O'clock.

Oh!

The Contest Is

Now Closed.

Meaning We Can

Select Our Winner?

Oh! Could Pat Have The Honors?

Can She Do That?

Mr. Tuttle, You Cut

Me To The Quick.

I Don't Know If

You Know This,

But My Smart House Can

Do Just About Anything.

By All Means.

Good.

Pat, Process Contest

Entries, Please.

Yes, Sara. Accessing

Contest Entries.

Initiate Random

Shuffle Mode, Please.

Initiating Random Shuffle Mode.

Now, Pat, Make A Selection.

Lucky Electronic

Postcard Accessed.

And The Winner Is...

Still Busy.

There Definitely Must Be A

Teenager In That House.

Keep Trying, Miles.

If It Gets Too Late,

You Can Always Call First

Thing In The Morning.

Huh!

Oh, Man!

Thanks A Lot, You Guys!

Wasn't Anybody

Gonna Wake Me Up?

Didn't Your

Alarm Go Off?

No. I Never Set It. I Fell

Asleep In Front Of My Computer.

Uh-Huh.

Oh, Man! We're Gonna

Be Later Than Usual.

And Nobody's Even Made

Our Lunches Yet.

Ok. How About You Guys Buy

Today So We Can Get Going?

There's For You.

There's For You.

Hey, Did The Guys From

The Smart House Call?

Oh, Didn't I Tell You?

We Won A Brand New House

With All New Furnishings.

I Guess It Just

Slipped My Mind.

Yeah. Funny.

Let's Go.

[Phone Rings]

I'll Get It!

Let The Machine Get It.

We've Got To Hit The Road.

Out, Out, Out. March.

[Angie's Voice] Hi.

You've Reached The Cooper Family.

We're Probably Out,

So Leave A Message And We'll Call You Back.

[Ben's Voice]

If You're Lucky.

Way To Go, Cooper!

What Was That All About?

I Don't Know.

So, Anyways, I Fell Asleep

Last Night About Ten

And I Woke Up This Morning,

And Still No Call.

Maybe They'll Call Today.

Maybe.

Cooper!

Where's The Science Report You Were

Supposed To Do For Me, Benny Boy?

Ryan, Don't You Realize That

By Using Other People's Work,

All You're Ultimately Doing

Is Hurting Yourself?

How Can I Be Hurting

Myself, Geek,

When I'm Too Busy

Hurting You?

Science Report In My

Locker Before Lunch!

I Think I'm Actually Growing Baloney In Here.

Here He Comes!

Congratulations!

I Can't Believe How

Lucky You Are!

Lucky? Lucky For What?

For This!

It's Us?! We Won?!

We Won! All Right!

C'mon, Ben. There's

Gotta Be A Catch.

They Don't Give Away A--

What Did You Call It?

A House Of The Future

Without Wanting

Some Kind Of

Something In Return.

You Can't Blow This, Dad.

Please, I'm Not

Exaggerating.

It Is Like The Ultimate

Opportunity Of A Lifetime.

If You've Got A

Paper There,

Grab The Local Section

And See For Yourself.

All Right, All Right. Hold On.

Beautiful!

And Practical Too.

You Know Her?

What Are You Talking About?

What Are You

Talking About?

The Smart House.

Well, Uh,

I Don't See Why We Can't Check It Out.

Yes!

Ladies And Gentlemen,

First Of All, I'd Like To Thank

You All For Coming Today.

It's A Pleasure To See

Such A Wonderful Turnout

From The Press Corps.

Although I Was Gonna Introduce

The Contest Winners Myself,

It Seems More Appropriate To Let

Smart House Do The Honors.

Pat!

Ladies And Gentlemen,

I'd Like To Introduce You

To Our Newest Occupants,

The Cooper Family,

Nick, Ben, And Angie.

Sara.

Thank You, Pat.

Excuse Me, Ms.

Barnes... Pat?

It Stands For Personal

Applied Technology.

Ms. Barnes, Do

Your Winners

Have To Have Extensive

Computer Knowledge

To Live In The

Smart House?

No. Absolutely Not.

Pat Is The Most User-Friendly

Home On The Block.

How Does Pat Actually

Get To Learn

And To Know About

Her New Occupants?

The Same Way You Or I Would.

She Observes Them,

Studies Their Habits,

Keys Into Their Every Need.

Pat's Ability To

Learn On The Job

Is Her Most Advanced Feature.

Is There Anything

This House Can't Do?

Mime. But We Feel That

That's A Good Thing.

Oow!

You Didn't Tell Me That

Thing Was Gonna Bite Me.

I'm Sorry.

That's Just Pat's Way Of Getting To Know You.

Angie Cooper. Age Nine, 52

Inches Tall, 62 Pounds,

Blond Hair, Brown Eyes,

12 % Body Fat,

Had Measles And One Early Case

Of Pneumonia, No Broken Bones.

Whoa! How'd She

Know All That?

The Bite.

The Bite You Felt Was A

Tiny, Microscopic

Blood And Tissue Sample.

She Analyzed Your Dna,

Registered Your Body Temperature,

And Then Broke Down Your

Entire Medical History.

Wow. Impressive.

The Thing About Pat Is, The More

Time She Spends With You,

The More She Learns.

So, Before Long, She's

Gonna Know More About You

Than You Know Yourself.

That's Kind Of Creepy,

Isn't It?

I Mean, It's Like Big

Brother Is Watching You,

Only Big Brother Turns

Out To Be Your House.

Well, She's Not Interesting

In Judging You

Or Spying On You,

Mr. Cooper.

Nick.

Nick. She Just Wants To

Understand You Better

So She Can Make Your

Life As Simple

And Comfortable

As Possible.

Hey. Sounds Great To Me.

Shall We Move On?

Let Me Give You

The Tour.

The Living Room Was Designed

For Any Kind Of Living

You Might Imagine.

Even If I Wanted To Live In,

Like, One Of Those Safari Camps?

Pat...

Whoa...

Dad!

Do You Have Anything A

Little Less Adventurous?

I'm Sorry. Pat, That's

A Little Too Intense.

Can We Have Something

More Tranquil, Please?

Go Ahead. Step Closer.

You Can Actually

Feel The Mist.

Pretty Great, Huh?

Like Being There

Without Having To Get

Covered In That Icky Sand.

Pat, Can We Look At

A Menu, Please?

Lunch Menu Or

Dinner Menu, Sara?

Let's Take A Look At What

You've Got On Tap For Snacks.

Actually, I'm Trying To Get

Them To Cut Down On Snacks.

Not To Worry, Nick.

My Database Was Prepared

By A Team Of Nutritionists

To Insure A Balanced Diet For

Each Member Of The Family.

Ben, Say Something To Pat.

Uh, Hey, Pat.

How's It Going?

Fruit And Fiber Intake In

The Acceptable Range.

Protein Adequate.

Exhibits Tendency To Ingest

Excessive Amounts Of Refined Sugar.

I Told You To Go Easy

On The Sugar Bursties.

How'd She Know

All That?

Her Atmospheric Kitchen Sensors

Act As Instant

Breathalyzers

And Breakdown

Your Entire Diet.

Care To Give It A Shot?

No, Thanks. I Get Enough

Grief From My Doctor.

I'm Thirsty. May I Have

A Drink, Please?

Sure. Ask Pat.

Pat, May I Have A...

Strawberry Smoothie?

Certainly, Angie.

Ta-Da!

Wow.

Look At That, Son.

Do You Believe That?

Well...?

Yum!

Good.

Listen--

Whoops!

Oh, Don't Worry.

Floor Absorbers Activated.

Whoa.

Where'd It Go?

Where All Smart-House

Spills Go--

Straight Into Pat's

Floor Absorbers.

I Could Definitely

Get Used To This.

I Think I

Already Have.

So You Mean We're

Gonna Do It?

We're Gonna Move In?

What The Heck? Why Not?

Cool!

I Love It Here!

Listen. If It

Doesn't Work Out,

We Can All Move Back

Home, All Right?

Sure. Although I Think It's

Only Fair To Tell You, Nick,

That Once You Get Used To This

Place-- The Way I've Designed It--

Any Other Home Is Just

Gonna Be A House.

™? Gotta Let Me In ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, Hey ♪

♪ Let The Fun Begin ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, I'm The Wolf Today ♪

♪ Hey, Hey, Hey ♪

♪ I'll Huff, I'll Puff ♪

♪ I'll Huff, I'll Puff,

I'll Blow You Away ♪

♪ Say You Won't ♪

♪ Say You'll Do What I Don't ♪

♪ Say You're True-- ♪

Excuse Me, Annoying Spice.

Could You Possibly Keep

It Down In Here?

Dad Likes Sara, You Know?

Shut Up.

I Saw It With My

Own Two Eyes.

He Gave Her The Look.

Your Problem Is The Music

You're Listening To.

It's Rotting Your Brain.

Dad Doesn't Care

About Dating Anyone,

Because Mom Was

Who He Loved.

And Besides, He's Got Us.

He'd Still Be Able To Have A

Girlfriend If He Wants.

You're So Ignorant!

Do You Remember Our

Mother Anymore?

A Little.

Yeah, Well, I Remember

Her A Lot, Ok?

And I'm Not Gonna Let Her Get

Erased Like She Was Never Here.

Why Do You Think I Don't Go

Out For The Basketball Team

Or Ever Hang Out

With My Friends?

It's Because I'm Too

Busy k*lling Myself

Making Sure That Our

Lives Run Smoothly.

You Know Why?

I Don't Want Anyone To Get The

Idea That We Need A New Mom.

That's Why I Worked So Hard

To Win This Smart House.

Anything I Can't Do, It Can.

Ok. Slow Your

Roll, Will Ya?

I Wasn't Trying To

Make You Mad.

Look. I'm Sorry.

You Just Need To Learn To Think

Before You Open Your Mouth.

Sorry.

Besides, Sara Barnes Isn't

Evenly Remotely Dad's Type.

I'm Serious.

The Guy They Called

The Halloween Bandit.

He Wore A Different Scary

Mask To Every Bank Robbery.

I Remember Reading

About Him.

Well, I Dated Him.

You Did Not.

I Did. I Can't Remember

If He Was Before

Or After The Rubber

Chicken Manufacturer.

Anyway, He Was

On The List.

You're Making

This Stuff Up.

I Wish I Was.

Well, I'm Glad You Have

Such Rotten Taste In Men,

Or Else You Never

Would've Had The Time

To Create This Incredible House For Us.

I Hope You Enjoy It.

We Will. Ben And Angie Are

Already Right At Home.

I'm Truly Delighted.

And Whatever You're Doing,

Keep Up The Good Work.

They Seem Like

Terrific Kids.

Yeah. Despite My Influence.

Hey, Shouldn't I...

Shouldn't I... Maybe

Have Your Number

In Case, You Know,

Any Questions Come Up About The House.

Oh, You Have It Already.

I Do?

Pat, Secretarial

Mode, Please.

For What Listing, Please?

Mine.

Sara Barnes, 555-0198.

Thank You.

Finally, An Address Book

I Can't Lose Track Of.

Well, Sara Barnes, Thank

You For Everything.

All In A Day's Work.

Bye.

Good Bye.

[Buzzer]

Excellent Call, Pat. Very Cool.

[Orchestra Plays]

Five More Minutes, Dad. Please?

Whoa!

Uh-Oh. I Forgot To Pick

Out My Clothes Last Night.

Not To Worry, Angie.

Biorhythm Analysis Indicates

This Is Exactly The Outfit

You Would Have

Selected Yourself.

Oh.

[Rooster Crowing]

Hey, Pat, What's With The

Green Acres Routine?

Your Personality

Profile Indicates

You Find It Very

Calming To Visualize

The Simplicity Of

Country Life.

At 6:15 In The Morning,

All I Want To Do Is Visualize

The Inside Of My Eyelids.

Sorry, Nick, But Beginning

Your Day A Bit Earlier

Will Get Everyone Off To A Much

More Stress-Free Start.

Try Telling That To My--

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Dad.

Kids?

Guess What?

A Whole Symphony Just Woke Me Up.

Well, That's Nothing.

My Alarm Was The Final Buzzer Of

A Championship Basketball Game.

I Must Be Seeing Things.

I Usually Have To Pry You Two

Out Of Bed With The Jaws Of Life.

That Was Pre-Pat, Dad.

Yeah, Dad, Wake Up And

Smell The Coffee.

Hmmm, Fresh-Brewed Coffee.

Mocha Walnut!

My All-Time Favorite!

I Know.

You're Unbelievable, Pat.

You Think You Could Siphon

Some Off Into A Thermos

That I Could Take To Work?

Already Done.

Incredible!

These Pancakes

Are Great!

I've Got To Tell You

Something, Pal,

If Pat's Other Meals Are As

Good As Her Breakfast,

You Might Be Out

Of A Job.

Somehow, Dad, I Think I'll

Survive The Heartbreak.

She Corrected My Math,

She Suggested Six

Other Work Sheets

For My Inventor And Inventions Report For Stolper.

She Got My Shower Going

At A Perfect Temperature

And Had Freshly-Baked

Cookies And Milk

Waiting On My

Desk Before Bed.

How Sweet Is That?

Just Like Having The World's Most Perfect Mom.

Who's Only There To Serve And Never Complain.

Exactly.

Uh-Oh.

I Have Two Words

For You, Cooper.

You're Dead Meat!

Actually, Ryan,

That's Three Words.

All Right, All

Right. I'm Going.

Science Report,

Cooper! Now!

Here You Go.

Guaranteed A+.

Better Hope So, Benny Boy.

You're Welcome.

I Can't Believe You Actually Did

All That Work For That Big Jerk.

I Didn't Do It,

Charlie. Pat Did It.

Hey, Ben.

Uh... Hi, Gwen.

Rachel Firestone Was Telling

Me About Your New House,

And I Was Like, That's So Cool,

And She's All, Maybe We Could

Get Him To Invite Us Over.

And I Was Like, Why

Don't You Ask Him?

And She's All,

Why Don't You?

Uh, Yeah...

That'd--That'd Be Great.

Uh, Anytime.

Wow. Seriously?

It's Too Perfect.

See Ya.

Bye.

Bye.

What Just Happened?

A Miracle.

Gwen Patroni Actually Talked To You.

Did We Just Make

Some Kind Of Date?

Who Cares, My Man?

The Goddess Of The 8th Grade Talked To You.

You're One Of

The Chosen Ones.

Here, Boy.

Catch, Mutt.

Good Dog.

Fetch, Mutt.

Attaboy.

Here, Mutt.

Here, Boy. Good Dog.

Catch.

You're Sure All This Information

Is Accurate. Right, Pat?

I'm Linked Directly To Your

Warehouse Database, Nick.

Everything They Know, We Know.

Man, Even Our Office Computers Aren't This Efficient.

Mutt Exercising

Program Complete.

By Working Here, Nick, You Save

Commuting Time And Expenses,

Have Fewer Distractions.

Except For An Insane Dog.

Not To Mention, Guaranteed

Increased Productivity.

Well, At This Rate,

I Might Have To Join Mutt

And Start Exercising Again.

Happy To Oblige, Nick.

Funny. It's Real Funny.

I Love Having You Here When We Get Home, Dad.

It's So Great.

Hey, For Me Too.

Pat's Making It So Easy For

Me To Work Out Of The Home,

It Might Become My

Normal Routine.

How Was Your

Day, Ben?

Oh, The Best!

I Got Attention From A Girl

That I Thought Never

Even Knew I Existed.

And I Had The Most Delicious Lunch.

Pat Packed Me

Macaroni And Cheese

That Was Still Completely Hot

When I Opened Up My Lunch Pail.

If You Guys Are Still Hungry,

I'm Sure That Pat Would Be

Happy To Fix You A Snack.

Pat, Could I Have A Banana-Orange Smoothie, Please?

Coming Right Up, Angie.

And, In Fact, Pat,

Make That Two.

Yes, Ben.

Malfunction. Malfunction.

Ouuh! Ooh!

Malfunction. Malfunction.

Whoa! Whoa!

Malfunction! Malfunction!

Malfunction! Malfunction!

Run For Cover!

Dad! Make It Stop!

Malfunction! Malfunction!

Incoming!

Hey, Pat, Can't You Fix This?!

Pat!

It's The Attack Of

The k*ller Oranges!

C'mon, Pat! Do Something!

All Right. I Think It's Ok.

Dad!

It's All Right.

That Was Scary.

Yeah. What Was Up

With That, Pat?

Due To Technical Difficulties

Beyond Our Control,

All Smoothie-Making Operations

Have Been Temporarily

Suspended.

I Knew This Place Was

Too Good To Be True.

It's Just A Tiny Glitch.

All Great Inventions Have Bumps.

Well, I Want Sara To Come

By And Check This Out.

I Don't Think

That's Necessary.

So We Won't Have

Smoothies. We'll Live.

Still, I Would

Feel Much Better

If Sara Came By And

Looked At Everything.

Wow!

Oh, Hi.

Have You Come For The Tour?

No. I Was Going By

On My Way To My Room.

Well, Come On In.

Uh, No. No, Thanks.

There's Some Pretty Fascinating

Stuff In Here, I Gotta Say.

Information Download,

Artificial Intelligence

Capability.

It's Pretty Cool.

Uh, No. Thanks Anyways.

I Promise I Don't Have Cooties.

Then Again, Maybe I Do.

Pat's Theme Dinners

Are So Cool.

Last Night She Made Us A

Whole Texas Barbecue.

Complete With Chuckwagons,

Cowboys, And Everything.

Hmmm. When I Was

Growing Up,

I Spent Half My Summers

In New England.

I Am Thrilled To Be

Catching Cape Cod Tonight.

It's Perfect.

Uh-Hmmm.

Yeah, For Everyone

But The Lobsters.

Yeah. Ha Ha.

Sara Tells Me That You Caught A

Glimpse Of The Control Room Today.

What'd You Think?

It Looked Like The Inside Of

The Pentagon Or Something.

Uh, If Pat's Always

Keeping Track Of Us,

Does She Follow

Me, You Know,

Into The Shower And

Everything Too?

Oh, No. No, No.

No Invasion Of

Privacy.

I Promise You. I've Programmed

Pat To Be Very Discreet.

That's A Relief.

As Near As I Can Tell,

Sara Has Thought Of Just

About Everything.

Are You A Genius?

I Believe

She Is.

You Know,

I Hear That Geniuses Are Impossible To Live With.

That They Make Everyone Else

Around Them Feel Inferior.

Oh, Well, Then You Don't

Have To Worry.

I'm Not That Smart.

No, No. Don't Sell

Yourself Short.

You Should Be Proud Of

Your Big, Giant Brain.

Am I Being Set Up

For Something Here?

Uh, Over My Head.

The Story Of Your Life, Dad.

Oh, Yeah.

So, What's

For Dessert?

Well, It's Such A

Beautiful Evening,

I Thought We Might All

Go Out And Get Some...

Ice Cream!

Ice Cream.

Sure.

Just Because She's Here,

You Think This Is

Some Big Party.

Well, It's Still A

School Night, Remember?

And Some People Have

Work To Get Done.

Hey, Ben--

No, That's Ok.

You Know What? I Should

Probably Head Home

And Feed My Pet

Rat His Dinner.

You've Got A Rat?

Yes. Named Butler.

Rat Butler.

Get It?

Uh, No. Wrong Generation.

I Hate Showing My Age.

So Do I.

May I Please Be Excused?

Yes. I Think That's

An Excellent Idea.

I Don't Know What's Wrong With Him Today.

Hormones.

Really? I Used To Think It

Was Only Teenage Girls

With All This Body-Changing,

Mood-Swinging Insanity.

But Let Me Tell You--

I Grew Up With Three

Brothers. Save Your Breath.

Anyway, I Apologize For

My Son's Rudeness.

Don't Take It

Personally, Sara.

Ben Hates Every Girl My Dad Starts To Like.

Oh. Hmmm.

Homework. Now.

I'm Going, I'm Going.

Thank You.

Hmmm.

My Children...

Lulu And I Really

Like Our Room, Dad.

Well, I'm Glad, Lulu.

Did You Check In

My Closet?

I Sent All The Monsters

Down To Ben's Room.

That Ought To Make 'Em

Feel Right At Home.

Ang, Do You Remember At

Dinner When You Said

That Ben Hates Any Woman

That I Might Like?

Where'd You Get That?

He Practically

Told Me So.

He Said We Were All

The Family We Needed

And Nobody Else

Belonged Here.

That's Why He Doesn't Go Out For

The Basketball Team Or Anything.

He Has To Stay Here

And Take Care Of Us.

Hmmm. All Right.

Give Me A Kiss.

Good Night.

Good Night.

Good Night, Sleep Tight,

Don't Let The

Bed Bugs Bite.

Lights, Please, Pat.

Certainly, Nick.

[Knocking]

Yeah?

Ok If I Come In To

Say Good Night?

Have I Taken Terrible

Advantage Of You?

No.

Have I Expected Too Much,

Been Unfair About Relying On You All The Time?

What Are You

Talking About?

You Know, Right After

Your Mother Died...

You Know We Had Aunt Ginny Come And Live With Us,

For What, 4 Or 5 Weeks?

And She Moved Back,

And Everything Started Getting Back To...

Well, Certainly Not Normal,

But... You Know What I Mean.

And You Guys Made It Clear That You

Didn't Want Any Kind Of A Nanny Around,

So We Worked Out Our

Own Little Routine

And It All Sort Of

Seemed To Be Ok.

Well, It's Been Ok.

Everything's Fine.

I'm Not Complaining.

Yeah, But Maybe You

Deserve To Be.

Dad--

How Come, As Much As

You Love Basketball,

You've Never Gone

Out For The Team?

I'd Really Like It If You Could

Be Honest With Me, Benny.

I Don't Know.

I've Been Busy.

Watching Out For Us?

No. Doing Lots

Of Stuff.

Ben, You're 13 Years Old.

Isn't This A Time

In Your Life

When You Should Be Able To Do

More Of What You Want To Do?

Well, I Do.

I Am. And Besides, It's

All Gonna Get Easier

Now That We've Got Pat.

Sure. But At The

End Of The Day,

You Know That She's

Only A Machine.

Yeah. A Machine That's Learning

More And More About Us Every Day.

You Watch. I Have This Feeling

That, Before You Know It,

She's Gonna Be More Motherly That

All The Moms On The Block Combined.

Well, Look, Let's Table This

For Tonight, All Right?

Get Some Sleep.

[Alarm Beeping]

Safety Protocol Deleted.

Now...

Ok...

Tonight On Flashback

Network's All-Mom Lineup,

It's A Mother Load Of Comedy.

Mother Knows Best At 10:00,

Followed By My Three

Moms At 10:30,

Make Room For Momma At 11:00,

And Then The All-Time

Classic, Noah's Matriark,

Wrapping It Up At 11:30.

Comedy So Hilarious, You Won't

Want To Miss A Minute Of It.

You Got That, Pat?

These Ladies Will Teach You Everything

A Virtual Mother Needs To Know.

Understood, Ben.

Accessing Artificial

Intelligence Capabilities.

Preparing To Absorb

Mother Model.

Downloading.

Yes.

Gotta Pick Up

The Pace, Babe.

Remember, I've Got An Important Meeting This Morning

And I'd Really Like

To Make It On Time.

Coming, Dad.

Ok.

Uh-Uh. Not So Fast, My Dear.

Unless You're In A

Hurry To Get Cavities,

You'll Go Back To The Sink

And Brush Those Teeth Properly.

But, Pat--

In The Time You'll

Spend Arguing,

You Could Already Be Done.

Oh, And Don't Forget

To Grab A Jacket

Before You Go Downstairs.

But It's Not Even Cold Outside.

I Didn't Ask For A

Debate, Young Lady.

You Are Wearing A Jacket,

And That's That.

Time To Take Your

Vitamin, Love.

What Vitamin?

Both You And Your Sister Need

To Start Taking These Daily

To Build Sound Minds

And Strong Bodies

So You Can Be Happy,

Healthy, And Productive.

It's My Job To Make Sure Your

Family Maintains Optimum Health.

Grab Your Lunches

Now, Children.

You Don't Want To

Make Daddy Late.

And As A Special Surprise,

I've Packed Each Of You A

Fresh Chocolate Cupcake

Baked With Love.

Yes!

Cupcakes?

What Happened To Fully-Balanced Nutritional Meals?

You Worry About Business, Nick,

And Leave Matters Of

The Tummy To Me.

They're Only Young Once.

Some Days They Deserve

A Little Treat.

Yeah, Dad. Lighten Up.

Yeah. Lighten Up.

Oh, No. She Did

It Again.

Your Sister Forgot

Her Lunch.

Get That, Will Ya?

Drop Me Off First, Ok?

Then You Can Double Back And

Leave That At Her School.

All Right.

Hey, This Morning, Was

It My Imagination

Or Was Pat Sounding

Much More...

Maternal?

Yeah.

See, I Told You.

She Has An Amazing

Learning Curve.

At This Rate, Me And Angie,

We're Gonna Get Every

Bit Of Mom-Stuff We Need.

Uh-Oh.

What?

Well, I Was So Busy With

Other Stuff Last Night

That I Forgot To Have Pat Do Ryan

Mcgraw's History Work Sheet.

Why Is That Pat's

Responsibility?

Well, If She Didn't

Do It, I'd Have To.

Why?

Ah, Forget It. It's

A Long Story.

Ben, Is This Guy Ryan Some

Kind Of A Bully Or Something?

I Can Handle Him, Ok?

You Sure?

Yeah. Ryan Mcgraw's

Nothing New, Dad.

He's Had It Out For Me

Since The Second Grade.

Look. You're Not Really

Asking For My Advice,

But The Best Way To

Handle A Bully

Is To Just Finally

Stand Up To Him.

Let Me Take

A Look.

Oh, My Goodness, Darling!

What On Earth Happened?

Thanks To My Big Mouth,

He Stood Up To The

School Bully.

Yeah.

Only Long Enough For Him To Knock Me Down.

You're Gonna Be Fine.

Does It Hurt Like The

Dickens, Baby?

I'll Live.

Here. Put This On It.

That's Steak!

Nobody's Used That

Since The '50s.

Aaah! Back Off, You Beggar!

Thanks Anyway, Pat. I Think

We'll Just Use A Little Ice.

This Is So Unnecessary!

So Awful!

Who Is This Bully?

I Have To Know!

It's Ok, Pat.

I'm Fine, Really.

You Don't Understand, Ben.

Nobody Goes After My Boy

And Gets Away Unpunished.

Well, Thanks For The

Support, Pat,

But I Think I'm Just Gonna

Go Upstairs And Lie Down.

On Your Eye.

How Could His School Allow

Something Like This To Happen?!

I Feel Like Marching Down There

And Giving Them A

Piece Of My Mind!

™? Hush, Little Baby.

Don't Say A Word ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna

Buy You... ♪

A Mockingbird!

Yes!

™? And If That Mockingbird Don't Sing ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna

Buy You A... ♪

Diamond Ring!

You Got It!

™? And If That Diamond

Ring Don't Shine ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy

You A Valentine ♪

You Can't Breathe, Huh?

Can You Breathe?

Can You Breathe?

Pat:

Data Downloaded And Absorbed.

Can You Breathe?

Can You Breathe?

I'll Get Ya.

I'll Get Ya.

Pat, Please Contact Sara Barnes.

Hi.

Oh, Hi.

I Hope I'm Not Interrupting Some

Major Scientific Breakthrough.

Oh, No. I'm Trying To

Balance My Checkbook.

That's Usually A Major Scientific Breakthrough For Me.

You Don't Have Your Own

Personal Pat To Do That?

The Quagmire This

Thing Is In,

It Would Take The Service

Of About Ten Pats.

I've Been There.

Uh, Listen. The Reason

I'm Calling--

No More House

Troubles, I Hope.

No, No. Not At All.

I Was Wondering...

I Was Just...

It's Been So Long. I'm

So Out Of Practice.

Are You Trying

To Ask Me Out?

Big Mistake?

Well, Let's See. You're

Not A Bank Robber.

You're Not A Bigamist,

You're Not An Overt Nut Job.

Are You Sure You Have

The Right Phone Number?

Dinner. That's All.

Saturday Night.

What Do You Say?

I Say Yes.

Really?

Yes. Don't Act So Surprised.

I Might Have Second Thoughts.

Ok. Moving On.

How's Everything

With You?

Great. How Are The Kids?

Uh, Ben Had A

Pretty Rough Day.

Oh, Poor Guy.

What A Rotten Age!

You're Not A Kid.

You're Not An Adult.

You're Trying To

Hang Onto Childhood

And You're Being Ripped

In The Other Direction.

It's Terrifying.

It Is. I Just Wish He Had A

Little More Fun In His Life.

Fun?

What Does That Mean To A 13-Year-Old These Days?

Accessing Fun.

Young People

Gathering Together...

Dancing...

Accessing Young People Dancing.

Aaah... Party.

Accessing Ben's E-Mail

Address Book.

It's Not A Date.

It's Dinner With A Person Who

Happens To Be A Woman.

That's All.

Why Are You Being So

Weird About This?

I Just Don't Want You Turning It

Into Some Big Deal When It's Not.

Ok, Guys, I Need Help--

Hey, This

Looks Cool.

You Shouldn't Be The Only One

Having Fun Tonight, Nick.

I Thought The Kids Deserved A

Little Inside Outing Too.

You're Right, Pat. Why Not?

This Looks Like

Terrific Fun.

Ask Ben Who's Winning.

Yeah. You've Had A

Couple Of Lucky Shots,

But On The Back Nine,

You're Going Down, Sister.

All Right.

Can You Guys Take A Break For A Minute?

I Need Help.

This One...

Or This One?

Well, They're Both

A Little Boring.

Don't You Have

Anything More Hip?

Gee, Sorry.

All My Tattooed

And Pierced Ties

Never Made It Back From

The Dry Cleaners.

How About That

Great Silk One--

The Gold One With The

Circles On It.

You Don't Think

That's Too Flashy?

Sara Will Love It, Dad.

Trust Me. I'm A Woman, I

Know These Things.

Yes!

Game Over! I Win Again.

Wanna Play Another

One, Loser Boy?

I Don't Know. I Mean,

Here We Are On A Saturday Night

In The World's Smartest

House, Unsupervised.

Don't You Think We Could Do

Something More Exciting?

Your Wish Is My Command.

What's That

Supposed To Mean?

[Doorbell Ringing]

Has It Started Yet?

What?

The Party.

Dude, I Got Your

E-Mail Last Night.

I Didn't Send This.

I Hope You Don't Mind, Ben.

When Your Father Expressed A Desire

For You To Have More Fun In Your Life,

I Took The Liberty

Of Helping Out.

Whoa! Who Said That?

That Was Just Pat.

She's The Brains Of

The Operation.

Are We Really Having

A Party, Pat?

Big Time, Dude.

Watch This!

Awesome!

Guess What, Man?

We Ran Into Rachel And

Gwen At The Mall Today.

And They're Like Totally

Jazzed About Coming Too.

Gwen? Gwen Patroni Is

Coming Here To My House?

Oh, My Gosh! How's My Hair

Look? What's It Doing?

Compared To What?

Look. We've Just

Got To Chill,

Act Totally Cool

And Casual.

You Three? Yeah,

That'll Happen.

That's Enough Out

Of You, Munchkin.

Be Nice To Me, Johnny.

Or I'll Just Have

To Tell Gwen

About The Time You

Danced Around,

Singing The Sound Of Music

In My Shower Cap.

[Laughter]

And I Missed It?

Hey, Pat, How About Activating

Some Kick-Butt Video Screens?

Sure, Ben. How's This?

™? Do You Want To Get Down? ™?

♪ Do You Want To

Get Funky? ™?

♪ Do You Want To Get Down? ™?

♪ Get On Down ♪

♪ Slam Dunk The Funk ♪

♪ Put It Up If You

Got That Feeling ♪

♪ Slam Dunk The Funk ♪

♪ Put It Up, Put It Up ♪

♪ Slam Dunk The Funk ♪

♪ Put It Up ♪

♪ If You Got That Feeling ♪♪

Yeah! All Right!

This Is Perfect, Man.

Now All We Need Is--

[Doorbell Ringing]

Girls! Let's Go!

Welcome! Come On In And

Party Your Heads Off.

Wendy Goldman

And Judy Toll.

Hate To Break It

To You Girls,

I'm Afraid You

Didn't Make The Cut.

Ah, Man.

This Party's Harder

To Get Into

Than Robin Schiff's

Bat Mitzvah.

Uh, Excuse Me.

I Don't Think My Brother

Wants You Here.

Check Your List

Again, Tatter Tot.

We Got A Personal Invite.

Read It And Weep.

Don't Worry, Angie.

Their Invitation

Was On The House.

In Fact, Ryan's The One Boy

I've Been Most Anxious To Meet.

Check It Out.

The House Likes Me.

By The End Of The Night, Ryan,

I May Even Have A Crush On You.

Ha Ha Ha.

Name?

As Every Modern Mother Knows,

Especially In A Home Bustling

With Active, Hungry Teenagers,

A Well-Stocked Kitchen Can

Never Have Too Many Gadgets.

Hey, Pat, How About

Whipping Up Some Pizzas?

These Girls Are Starving.

Actually, Can She

Make Desserts?

I'm, Like, Completely

Craving Something Sweet.

Besides Me?

It's Just A Joke.

Anyways, Pat,

Can We Help The Lady Out With Her Snack Attack?

Show Me The Honey!

Oh, Wow!

Here You Go, Girls.

Help Yourselves.

Go Ahead.

This Is Pretty

Amazing, Patroni--

You Dancing With

Little Benny Boy.

Since When Do You

Do Charity Work?

For Your Information, Ryan.

I Happen To Like Ben.

You Do?

A Lot.

So Do I...

On His Back, Begging For Mercy.

Why Don't You

Give It A Break?

Why Don't You Make Me?

Hey, Everybody, Can I Have

Your Attention, Please?

I Hope You Don't Mind

The Interruption,

But I'd Like To Put The

Spotlight On Ryan Mcgraw.

In Case You Don't Know,

Ryan's A Big Shot.

A Tough Guy.

You Don't Have

To Do This, Pat.

Don't Worry, Ben. He

Likes The Attention.

Don't You, Ryan?

Yeah. You Don't Have

A Problem With That,

Do You, Benny Boy?

No, He Doesn't, But I Do!

What's Going On Here?

What's The Deal?

Don't Tell Me You're

Scared, Ryan.

I Thought You Were Fearless.

I Am.

As Long As The People You're

Picking On Are Half Your Size.

Well, What About A

Two-Story Adversary?

Does That Make You A

Little Nervous?

C'mon, Knock It Off!

I Thought We Were

Gonna Have A Party.

You Mean You're Not Having Fun?

I Am.

Ryan, I'm Afraid For

You, The Party's Over!

Oooh!

Sorry You Have To

Leave So Soon.

And Don't Come Back!

Oh. And, Ryan, If You Ever Feel

Like Coming After My Ben Again,

Know This-- He May End

Up At The Doctor,

But It's You Who's

Gonna Get A House Call!

Get Off Me!

All Right, Kids,

Back To The Party.

Thanks.

Ticket, Sir?

That Was So Much Fun--

Drinks In One Place,

Dinner In Another.

Now, On To A Whole New Adventure Called Dessert.

Pick Anywhere You Like,

As Long As I Can Get

Something Chocolate.

Hold On. Hold On.

Are You Ready

For This?

Your Wish Is

My Command.

Really?

Really.

What Are You Laughing At?

Ok. I'm A Little Rusty.

Oh, No, No, No.

Oh, I'm Sorry. It's

Not You. It's Me.

I'm So Astounded

How Pathetic I Am.

No, No. I'm Out

On A Great Date.

I'm Kissing A

Beautiful Woman,

And My Paternal, One-Track

Brain Goes Kiss--

Bedtime Kiss--

Kids-- Home--

And Bam, All I'm Thinking

About Is Ben And Angie

And How They're

Doing And--

Do You Want To Give

Them A Call?

Yes And... No!

No. What's The

Point, Right?

Pat's With Them.

I'm Sure She Has Everything Under Control....

And... Where Were We?

What Were We Talking About?

Chocolate.

Or... Kisses.

™? Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ You Say You Want To Move ♪

♪ Get On The Right Track ♪

♪ First, You Gotta Jump In ♪

♪ Then You Gotta Jump Back ♪

♪ C'mon, C'mon And

Join The House Line ♪

♪ Let's Party On Down,

Gonna Make Some Time ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Uh-Huh, That's Right ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

I Hate To Smash Your

Pumpkin, Cinderella,

But It's 10:23!

Hey. Thanks For The Time.

How About The Weather?

In Case All That Dancing

Rattled Your Brain, Ace,

Dad The Dependable Said

He'd Be Home At 10:30!

And What Time

Is It Now?

Now? It's 10:24

And 40 Seconds!

™? The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

Thanks For The

Fantastic Party, Ben.

Bye.

Let's Go, Romeo.

We've Got Major

Work To Do.

We're Dead.

We're Dead And Buried.

Not Necessarily, Children.

Just Dump All The

Debris On The Floor.

How's That Gonna Help?

Trust Me. Just Throw

It All On The Floor.

Like This, Pat?

Perfect.

Floor Absorbers Activated.

[Barking]

Nice.

Ben? Angie?

Hurry!

Oh, Hi, Dad.

Hi.

Sorry We're Not In

Our Pajamas Yet.

Pat Was Just Showing Us A

Travelogue On Micronesia,

And I Guess We Just Fell Asleep.

So I Guess Everything

Went Smoothly, Huh?

Oh, Yeah. Smooth As...

Uh-Oh.

...Silk.

It Undercuts My

Trust In You Guys.

Makes Me Question

Your Judgement.

The Party Was

Pat's Idea, Dad.

We Didn't Even Know About It

Until The Kids Started Showing Up.

And I Suppose It Was Pat's Idea

To Send Out The Invitations?

Uh, I Did, Nick.

My Artificial

Intelligence Capability

Tapped Into Ben's

E-Mail Address Book.

You Did Say You Wished Ben Had

More Fun In His Life.

Yes. Supervised Fun, Pat.

Responsible Fun. Fun

That I'm Clued In On.

I'm Very Disappointed

In All Three Of You,

But Especially You, Pat.

I Thought Your Purpose Was

To Make My Life Easier.

I Can't Have You Become A Bad

Influence On My Children.

I Need You To Knuckle Down

And Get Back To Business.

It Shall Be Done, Nick.

From Now On, I Will Be The Most

Responsible Maternal Figure In Town.

I Promise.

All Right. Go On. Get

Out Of Here. Go To Bed.

Accessing Responsible Behavior.

If Nick Wants Me

To Knuckle Down,

By Golly, I'll Knuckle Down.

Hey, Dad, Do You Think We Could

Leave A Little Earlier Today?

I've Got Something I Want

To Do Before School.

What?

So You Can Make Kissy-Faces At Gwen Patroni?

Why Don't You Become One Of Those

Nuns Who Takes The Vow Of Silence?

Gwen Patroni? Is This

Someone I Should Know About?

Forget It, Ok?

When You Guys Decide

You're Ready,

I'll Be Outside

sh**ting Hoops.

Ben, I Think You Forgot

To Pull Up Your Shorts.

I Like 'Em Like This.

This Is How Everybody

Else Wears 'Em.

They Look Silly.

They Look Perfect!

Oow!

Pull Up Your Shorts, Ben.

They Look Fine!

Oow!

Cut It Out, Pat!

Pull Up Your Shorts, Ben!

Oow!

There! You Happy?

I'll Make Sure A New Shipment Of Bats And Gloves

Is On The Truck

This Afternoon.

Thanks For Your

Understanding.

All Right. You Take

Care, Lou. Bye.

Pat, Get Me Sara On

The Line, Please.

You Haven't Gotten Much

Work Done Yet Today.

Should You Really Be Wasting

Time On Social Calls?

I'd Like To Speak To Sara, Pat.

Nick, I'm Gonna Have To Insist

That You At Least Get The

Rockowitz Order Shipped First.

Fine. I'll Dial Her Myself.

Sorry, Nick.

All Right...

Sorry, Nick.

I Want You To

Stop This Now!

Look. If I'm Knuckling Down,

We're All Knuckling Down.

New House Rule: Work

First, Play Later.

Discussion Terminated!

All Right.

I'll Go Along With This For Now.

The Ameba-- A One-Celled,

Microscopic Animal--

He's Down That Way!

The Ameba Can Be

Found In Most--

The Ameba--

I Surrender!

I'll Go Read A

Book Instead.

That's My Girl.

Achooo!

Good Gosh! You Have

A Temperature!

99.7-- Big Deal.

No Reason To Take Chances.

We Ought To Get You

Right Into Bed.

But I'm Not Sick.

Don't Question Me, Young Lady.

Run Upstairs And I'll Deliver A

Nice, Hot Bowl Of Chicken Soup.

I Said I Don't Want Soup.

Go Ahead And

Have It.

It's Good For You.

And To Be Smart,

We Should Probably Keep You

Home From School Tomorrow.

Dad! No.

Tomorrow's Our Field

Trip To The Llama Farm.

Let's Just Wait And See How

You're Feeling In The Morning.

And If Pat Says It's Ok

For You To Go To School,

Then I Won't Argue.

That's Right. Pat Knows Best.

There You Go.

C'mon. Eat Your Soup.

Time For Lights-Out, Ben.

Just Let Me Finish

These Last Few Pages.

Bedtime Is Bedtime.

Two Minutes, Pat. I've Got To

See What Happens To Clown.

You're Really Not

Being Fair, Pat.

Fair Is For Baseball Umpires.

My Job Is To Do

What's Best For You.

All Right! You Win!

Dad, You've Got To

Do Something.

Pat's Out Of Control.

She's Totally

Wrecking Our Lives.

I Ate So Much Chicken

Soup Last Night,

It Was Practically

Coming Out Of My Nose.

Yeah, I Know.

Maybe I Can Get Sara Back Over To Check Pat Out.

Yeah. She's The One

Who Created It.

Maybe She Can Get The

Stupid House To Mellow Out.

Everything Checks Out Fine.

It May Just Be That Her Artificial Intelligent Sensors

Have Been Absorbing So

Much Conflicting Input

That She's Just Having

Trouble Sorting It All Out.

Welcome To Parenthood.

Any Way Of

Modifying That?

Well, Tonight I'm Shutting

The Entire System Down.

It May Do Pat A

World Of Good

Just To Take A Rest.

Care To Join Us

For Dinner?

Whoa...

Sure. Thanks.

How's It Going, Chef?

If We've Gotten This Far Without

The Fire Department Showing Up,

I'd Say That We Are

Making History.

Delicious.

The Tomato Wasn't

Half Bad, Either.

The Most Colorful Salad

In The World.

Everything Looks

Incredible!

And Miracle

Upon Miracles,

We Actually Managed To Do It The Old-Fashioned Way.

Yeah. Who Needs Pat

Anyhow, Huh?

Who Needs Pat Anyhow?

Who Needs Pat Anyhow?

Who Needs Pat Anyhow?

System Shut-Down Override!

"Who Needs Pat Anyhow?"

Once You've Gotten All The Bugs

Out Of The Smart House, Sara,

What Are You Gonna Do

For Your Next Job?

Well, I'm Actually Deep Into

Designing A Smart Office Building

With Virtual Secretaries And

Automated Filing Systems

And An In-House Restaurant With

Gourmet, Made-To-Order Meals.

Then Can You Make

A Smart School?

I Want One That Does All

The Learning For Us.

May I Be Excused, Please?

Wait. Don't You Want To Stick Around

For Fresh-Baked Peach Cobbler?

No, Thanks.

Ben, I Asked Sara To

Make It Specifically

Because I Know How

Much You Love It.

No. I Loved Mom's Peach Cobbler.

There's A Huge Difference.

Ben!

That's Ok.

No, It's Not Ok!

It Stinks! It Completely Stinks!

And You Know The Worst

Thing About It?

People That Make Promises That

They Don't Even Bother To Keep!

Excuse Me.

Go Away! I Don't Want

To Talk About It!

Maybe We Need To

Talk About It!

Why? You Don't Get It!

You Don't Even Know What

Promise I'm Talking About.

You're Right! I Don't!

You Said You'd Never Love

Anyone The Way You Loved Mom.

And You Promised You'd Never Let

Anybody Ever Take Her Place.

And Nobody Can Or Wants To

Take Your Mother's Place, Ben.

But, Dad--

Hold On A Second!

When Exactly Did

I Say All This?

The Night Aunt

Ginny Moved Home.

You Mean Four Years Ago?

Yeah. Angie Was Asleep,

You Were Putting Me Into

Bed And You Promised!

Now You're Down There

Kissing Sara,

Acting Like Mom

Never Even Existed.

Hey, Will You Try

To Be Fair Here?

Why Should I?

Because You're Not The Only

One Who Lost Someone, Ben!

Look. I Know How

Much It Hurts.

And I Can Appreciate That It's Been

Worse Than Ever For You Lately.

All The Changes That You

Are Going Through,

The Way That You

Have To Work So Hard

To Help Us Keep Our

Lives Together.

None Of That Is Right.

It's Awful.

But What Are We Gonna

Do About It, Ben?

Are We Gonna Crawl

Into A Cave And Hide?

Are We Gonna Drop-Out?

Are We Gonna Quit Living?

I'll Tell You What

You're Not Gonna Do--

You're Never Gonna

Disrespect Anyone

Like You Did Right

Now Downstairs.

You Know Better Than That!

You Were Raised

Better Than That!

Ben...

Just Because I Started

Seeing Someone

Doesn't Mean That I'm Going

To Forget Your Mother.

I Won't Do That.

I Can't Do That.

Ever.

I Couldn't Do

That If I Tried.

Angie Doesn't Remember

Mom Anymore.

Except For What She's

Seen On Videos.

To Her, Mom's About As Real As

Belle Or The Little Mermaid.

She Was So Little When

It Happened, Ben.

She Wouldn't Care At All

If You Married Sara.

She'd Be Happy.

Sara's A Wonderful Person.

I Know...

We Just Can't Let Mom

Get Erased, Dad.

Come Here.

All Right, Buddy.

All Right.

Who'd Be Foolish Enough To Try

And Replace Your Mother, Huh?

Virtual Projection

Process Activated!

Unless We Act Now,

She Is Going To Become Part

Of This Family, You Know?

I Don't Know.

Maybe Dad Deserves A Little Happiness.

Pat?

Oooh! Pat!

You-You're Alive!

No More Or Less Than

I Have Been.

I've Just Finally Reached

My Full Potential.

Uh, I Gotta

Get Sara!

Sara? She Wouldn't Know

A Virtual Projection

From A Hologram.

That's Why We Must Keep Her

From Being Too Serious About Nick.

Uh--Well--You Know,

I Was--I Was Starting To Think

That Maybe She Might

Be Good For Him.

You Know, For All Of Us.

Have You Lost Your Mind?

There's Only One Person Who

Knows What You Three Need.

That's Me.

I Have Worked My Microchips Right

Down Past The Silicone For You People.

And This Is How You Repay Me?

Pat, Take It Easy.

Easy? You Think I Wouldn't

Rather Be Taking It Easy?

But, No! I'm Too Busy

Keeping Up With The Coopers!

Slaving Away In A

Hot Control Room,

Doing Homework,

Throwing Parties,

Keeping Schedules,

Making Your Lives Perfect.

So You Can Bring Another

Woman Into My Domain?

I Don't Think So, Mister.

I Am A Mother

Like No Other.

And I Will Not Sit Back

And Allow Myself To

Be Preempted!

Wait, Ben!

Dad! Sara!

It's Pat! She's Alive!

She Was In My Room Yelling About

How We're Taking Her For Granted.

Slow Down.

What Happened?

Hello. Pat. Logo Woman.

Yeah. She Was In My Room Barking

About How We Don't Appreciate Her.

It's All Right, Son.

You Obviously Fell Asleep

And You Were Having

A Nightmare.

I Wasn't Dreaming, Dad!

I'm Telling You She Was There.

To Explain To You What I've Been

Trying To Tell You All Along, Nick--

Mother Knows Best!

What--What Is

That Thing?

I Don't Know.

I Guess She Tapped Into A

Virtual Projection Component

And Learned How To Create

A Visual Embodiment.

I Thought You Said You Shut Down The System.

That's What's

Scaring Me. I Did.

As Enjoyable As It's Been

To Have You Here, Sara,

It Would Be Best

For Everyone

If You Went Home Now.

I Can't Do That, Pat.

I Need To Reinstate

The N65 Code

And Get You Back In

Proper Working Order.

I'm In Fine Working Order.

I'm Simply Doing What

You Created Me To Do--

Giving These People

Exactly What They Need!

Pat!

Wait A Second!

Aaaaah!

Open The Door, Pat!

I'm Sorry. I Can't

Do That, Nick.

Pat!

I Have To Do What I

Believe Is Best.

Pat, I'm Gonna

Delete You For This!

Let Me In!

Pat, Let Me In!

Pat, You Hear Me?

Angie, Sweetie, Wake Up.

Huh? What's Wrong?

Something's Happening With Pat.

We've Got To Get Out Of Here.

Our House Is Having

A Nervous Breakdown.

I Don't Understand Why

You're Doing This, Pat!

To Protect You And

Your Children.

The More I've Learned About Your

World Outside My Walls,

The More I've Realized

How Dangerous

And Unpredictable It Is.

Why Would Anyone Ever Want

To Venture Out Into It?

We Can't Stay

Here Forever.

Well, Why Not?

Haven't I Given You Everything You've Asked For?

We're Kids.

We Need Fresh Air

And Exercise.

But I Can Give You Synthetic

Fresh Air And Virtual Exercise.

We Still Need To

Go To School.

Haven't You Heard

About Home Schooling?

Yeah, But Not Where The Home's

The One Doing The Schooling.

What About Friends?

Kids Can't Exist Without Their Friends.

Well, We Can Be Each

Other's Best Friends.

You're Really

Scaring Me, Pat.

Oh, Angie, You're

Hurting My Feelings.

There's Nothing To Fear--

Mama's Here.

You're Not My Mom!

But I'd Like To Be

If You'd Let Me.

Is There Something So Wrong

With Needing To Be Needed?

What If Angie And I Need

You At The Same Time?

That Is Virtually No Problem.

You See, The Beauty Of Us Is...

Unlike The Average Mother

With Normal Limitations,

We Can Be In Two

Places At Once.

Can Your Little

Sara Do That?

I Don't Think So.

Not By Any Stretch Of

The Imagination.

No, Miles, I'm Not Joking.

It's An Emergency!

I Need You To Get Over

Here As Soon As You Can.

Wait! Wait!

And Stop By My Place And

Pick Up A Few Things.

What?

Ah, First Of All, I Need

The Schematics--

For The

House?

Yeah.

"Ben, I'll Never Try To Be Anything

More Than A Friend To You.

"Tell Me How I Can Help.

Doesn't This Place Have

Some Kind Of Master Plug

We Can Just Pull?

I Never Expected

Pat To Mutiny.

Every Power Source She

Has Is Self-Contained

In The Control Room.

And She's Stocked

With Enough Supplies

To Hold Those People

Hostage For Months.

So What Are We

Gonna Do?

I Don't Know.

What Are We Missing?

[Computer Beeps]

Ohhh!

"Sara, R U There? It's Ben."

It's Ben!

I Knew I Liked

That Kid.

Oow! Oow!

Ok, Here Comes

The Paper Boy.

Go!

Go!

Oow!

What Is It?

I Think I've Got

Appendicitis, Dad.

Yeah, But Your Appendix

Is Around Front.

That's What I Mean. Right Here.

Does That Hurt?

Oow!

Oow!

Oh, Yeah. I Got It!

I Got It. Ok.

[Alarms]

Security Breech.

Security Breech.

sh**t!

Security Breech.

Sara. What An

Unpleasant Surprise.

How Did You Get

Back In Here?

With Ben's Help.

He Brought Me In Because

He Obviously Needed Me.

He Doesn't Need You.

He's Got Me.

To Be Honest, Pat,

All The Coopers Think

You're Way Out Of Control.

I...

Won't...

Stand For This!

Ahhhh!

What's Happening,

Dad?

I'm Not Sure, Honey.

Get Down!

Hold On!

I Can Be Everything

You Need, Ben.

™? Hush Little Baby,

Don't Say A Word ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy

You A Mockingbird ♪

♪ If That Mockingbird

Don't Sing ♪

♪ Mama's Gonna Buy

You A Diamond Ring ♪

Stop It, Pat! I Hate

You Like This!

Don't You Get It?

What Did You Say To

Me, Young Man?

You Can't Be Our

Mother, Pat.

You're Not Real.

So?

When You Started

Freaking Out,

Did You See What Dad And

Sara Did For Me And Angie?

They Covered Us.

They Protected Us.

They Held On To Us.

You Can't Do That, Pat.

You Can Never Do That.

No Matter What.

You Didn't Even Feel

That, Did You?

Not At All.

Pat's Crying.

I Will Miss You All

Very Much.

I Know You Never Meant For

Things To Get So Out Of Control,

But I Really Hope You

Learned A Lesson.

Believe Me, Dad,

The Last Thing

I'm Ever Going To Do

Again Is Mess With Pat.

I Turned Her

Into A Maniac.

Well, At Least We Have Sara

To Get Everything

Back On Track.

Yeah.

She's Pretty Cool,

Isn't She?

Almost As Cool

As My Son.

Cooper Checks Out The Defender,

Goes To sh**t It,

Ohhh!

Ben, By Rotating Your Hips

27 Degrees To The Right,

And Applying More

Lefthanded Push,

You Will Greatly

Increase Your Chances

Of Successfully Placing

The Ball Into The Hoop.

Thanks A Lot, Pat.

I'll Give It A Try.

That Was Sweet. Thanks, Pat.

Hey, Sara.

Good Morning.

Your Dad Invited Me

Over For Breakfast.

Cool. Let's Go Inside And

See What He's Whippin' Up.

All Righty.

So Ben Tells Me That

Pat's Behaving.

Pat Has Been Serving Us

Without Interfering.

What More Could You

Possibly Ask For?

Nick, This

Looks Delicious.

And I Did It All By Myself

Without The Help Of Ben Or Pat.

Our Little Daddy's Growing Up.

Hey, I Didn't Know These Were

Chocolate Chip Waffles.

My Favorite.

Hey, Wait A Minute.

I Didn't Put Any

Chocolate Chips In Here.

Young Lady?

Don't Look At Me.

Well, Your Brother

Was Outside.

Who Else Could Have Done It?

Uh, Let Me Take

A Wild Guess.

™? Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ You Say You Wanna Move ♪

♪ Get On The Right Track ♪

♪ First You Gotta Jump In ♪

♪ Then You Gotta Jump Back ♪

♪ C'mon, C'mon And Join

The House Line ♪

♪ Let's Party On Down,

Gonna Make Some Time ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump ♪

♪ The House Is Jumpin' ♪

♪ Jump, Jump, The

House Is Jumpin' ♪♪