I Died in Irpin (2024)

[bunniefuu]

On February 24th, many inhabitants of Kyiv

fled to the towns surrounding the capital.

My boyfriend and I did too.

The drive took us eight hours instead of the usual 30 minutes.

We believed that my boyfriends parents' house

would be safer than the capital.

Sometimes it feels like

I died in Irpin.

I poorly remember those days.

My brain blocks or distorts all memories.

I check the events online over and over. To convince myself

that it really happened.

In the first few days, we tried to follow a routine.

In the hope that the rituals would bring

a sense of normalcy and control.

But Irpin was one of the most intense frontline spots.

My grandfather, who used to be in the military,

told me that a*tillery shells whistle.

It's true.

One mistake can cause a tragedy!

He was the first person I called

when the full scale invasion started.

"Come home to Kremenchuk,

your mom is worried" he said.

But I decided to stay with my boyfriend,

because that's what grown-ups do when they are in love.

Everyone in the house insisted that everything would be fine,

Like wed wait it out.

All the years weve been together my boyfriend used to say:

"You don't understand", "It's not what you think",

"You're exaggerating and making things up".

He used to gaslight me about so many things.

But now it's clear:

Irpin was really hell.

And the girls my boyfriend

photographed naked - were also not something I made up...

All my suggestions to go to a safer place were rejected.

It's common that people living on the frontline

don't want to abandon their homes.

So many people have lost their lives because of this

since 2014 when Russia invaded us.

If they refuse to leave their homes, it becomes

more difficult for our military to do their job.

They have to maneuver carefully so as not to injure civilians.

The Russians take advantage of this,

using the civilian population as cover - and worse.

I was even afraid to brush my teeth and shower

because I was afraid that the shelling

would catch me naked in the bathroom.

I imagined how they'd clear away the debris

and then find me with cellulite on my butt.

My boyfriend always said that my cellulite

disappointed him a lot.

I didn't have time for a manicure;

my nails grew so long it was disgusting to look at them.

Irpin was blockaded,

the bridges from Kyiv were blown up

and the Russians were advancing on us from Bucha.

I wanted to go to Kremenchuk.

I wanted to reunite with my family.

I hated everyone in that house.

But my biggest disappointment was

that there were no firearms at their house.

In my house we have.

Grandpa had taught me how to sh**t since I was a kid.

I decided that if the Russians broke into the house,

I'd k*ll myself somehow.

I had the option to evcuate on a train

for women and children.

But i decided to stay with my boyfriend.

I feared he wouldn't convince his parents

to leave and might not survive.

It sounds so silly now, but deep down

I desperately wanted him to rescue me,

take me to the train station,

tell me how much he appreciated me,

instruct me to rejoin my family,

and proudly return to the flames of his own struggle.

Still, leaving him there would feel like betrayal.

And then, one evening, she turned up.

She had managed to flee from Bucha

to Irpin the two towns are so close.

Because of the fierce fighting, she couldnt go any further.

She asked to spend the night before moving on

I started desparately looking for someone who could help us.

Through friends, I found Stepan

He was coordinating the evacuations organized by local church.

He said the convoys were constantly interrupted by russians,

But it was worth a try to leave the city at 8 a.m. with a column,

taking as many passengers as possible in our car.

Boyfriends parents were still against the evacuation.

But the Woman promised to convince them.

On the morning of the tenth day,

they finally started packing.

They haven't prepared in advance.

I'll never forget my boyfriend's father dragging

his collection of old tape recorders into the cellar

instead of packing the really important things.

Dying at the hands of Russians would be terrible.

But it would be an even more bitter death

if it happened because of someone's junk.

I've never been religious,

but for some reason I asked a devout friend to pray for me.

Of course she agreed.

And also sent me a text message so I could pray myself...

I prayed to God for the first time in my life.

(Prayer in Ukrainian)