You've got it! Come on!
Do it, babe!
Come on, babe. Push!
Ooh! Ooh! Ooooh!
Push, push.
You can do it!
Push!
Ooh, it's a big 'un.
Oh, I can feeI it coming.
[grunts]
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, dear!
- One more push. Oh!
- Come on!
One more!
Come on! Try and push!
[increasingIy rapid beeps]
I can see its head.
Come on, Mrs Smash.
[screams]
It's a fIyer!
- [appIause]
- WeII done!
It's a boy, Mr Smash.
That was the first day
ofmy life, ever.
- [baby cries]
- [sobbing] Grab this, Doc.
For about 30 seconds,...
..my mum and dad were
the happiest people in the world.
- [doctor] Say cheese!
- And then it happened.
[baby farts]
[gurgIes]
[farts through baby intercom]
And it never stopped happening.
Your turn, darIing.
[yawns]
[steamy whoosh]
[Ioud fart]
[china smashes]
[farts]
Go to sIeep.
[farts]
Dad found my problem
really hard.
But for a while,
he coped really well.
[muted fart]
[expIosion]
One time,...
..he really thought he'd solved it.
- [farts]
- l'd play in my playpen for hours...
..while he'd read the paper.
[farts]
[gurgIes]
[farts]
Uh!
- [fart roars]
- Aaah!
That time,
Dad went to hospital for ages.
When he got home,
he had to work nearly all the time.
[mother] Don't go, pIease!
ln the end, Dad decided
to go to work forever.
- [car engine starts]
- I can't do it any more!
- [waiIs]
- [sobs] Get away from the car.
[mother waiIs]
After that, my sister Denise
didn't talk to me much.
Even my mum
went a bit quiet.
Got your Iunchbox?
So l was really looking forward
to going to school...
..and making some friends.
Give Mummy a kiss.
- [farts]
- Oh.
[teacher] Morning, children!
[children] Morning, Miss Little.
Children, this is Patrick Smash.
Patrick Smash, say hello.
[Ioud fart]
lt wasn't a good start.
- [chiIdren chant] Fart boy!
- Sit down, chiIdren.
All the kids pointed
and shouted.
Except one.
That was the day l met Alan.
[chuckIes and farts]
We did everything together.
l don't know what it was,
wejust clicked.
Alan was great.
He liked me for who l was.
And he didn't care
about my problem.
[Ioud fart]
Alan had no sense ofsmell.
Alan was my best friend.
Alan was my only friend.
But every day was a constant
struggle with my problem.
And every day, l tried to avoid...
..Damon.
Look who it isn't.
Patrick Smash.
What are you doing in my corner
of the pIayground, Smash?
You ain't nothing
but a big, fat Ioser.
Give us your Iunchbox.
[chiIdren shout and Iaugh]
- Ugh. What's this crap?
- It's speciaI food,...
..to heIp me with my probIem.
No, it's not. It's crap!
I want jam tomorrow. AII right?
HeIIo, Patrick.
- How progresses the day?
- AII right, thanks, AIan.
Oh, no! We've been invaded by
creatures from the pIanet Zorg!
[boys giggIe]
The nearest star, Proxima Centaura,
is four Iight years away.
It is debatabIe
that this steIIar body...
..hoIds within
its gravitationaI puII...
..a pIanetary system of any kind,...
..Iet aIone one that goes by
the appeIIation of Zorg.
- If we widen our...
- Shut up, Zorg boy.
Good one, Damon.
You suck, Zorg boy!
[kicks Iunchbox] Idiot.
What am I, Patrick?
Um...
AIan?
I'm a bIithering idiot.
My attempt to embarrass them
with my astrophysics...
..was, quite frankIy,
a fooIish waste of time.
AIan, why do you taIk
in that funny way?
I speak with cIarity
and precision.
The abiIity to utiIise Ianguage
is just one of my many taIents,...
..taIents which wiII enabIe me
to reaIise my dream.
- What dream?
- I am an inventor, Patrick.
CurrentIy, I am engaged
in the creation of a machine...
..that wiII fIy without depIeting
the earth's precious resources.
I wiII buiId that machine.
I wiII win that competition.
I am AIan. I am me.
That is what makes me strong.
[# sings in ItaIian]
Sir John, are you...
are you aII right?
Fine, dear Iady.
It is, quite simpIy, my craft.
Sir John Osgood, chiIdren.
The second-greatest tenor
in the worId!
Thank you very much, Sir John.
- I'm so gratefuI.
- PIeasure, headmistress.
- [chuckIes]
- AII stand.
Right, you Iot.
AbsoIute siIence!
Not a peep. Not a sound.
Not a whisper!
Not a breath.
Let us pray...
..that when you grow
from chiIdren...
..into sensibIe aduIts,...
..you wiII have a taIent
cIose to mine.
Let us give thanks for the gift...
..of my music.
Let us pray...
..for heaIthy ticket saIes
for my upcoming worId tour.
And now, siIence,...
..for a few moments
of inner contempIation.
Uh...
Ah!
[Iong, Ioud fart]
[chiIdren groan]
[steamy whoosh]
[headmistress] Smash!
You have ruined
Sir John's visit!
You are,
without a shadow of a doubt,...
..the fouIest IittIe creature
to waIk the earth.
Now, get out!
That was the worst day
ofmy life, ever.
Fart boy!
[Headmistress]
I'm sorry. TerribIy sorry.
WouId you Iike to retire
to the staff room...
..for a Bourbon biscuit
and a cup of tea?
There you go, sweetheart.
There's your beans.
l'd had enough.
l was fed up.
At moments like this,
l'd think about my dream.
[TV] The latest rocket
in the Zeus programme...
[Patrick] l dreamed that one day
l'd become a spaceman.
[TV] ..for a series ofcomplex,
highly technical experiments...
..in zero gravity.
Oh. And there she goes.
There she does indeed go.
''Dear Space Centre. Today
l watched the space launch on TV. '
''l want to be a spaceman. ''
''But l have a problem. ''
''l cannot control my arse. ''
''Would that be a worry?''
''Love, Patrick Smash. ''
[TV] l'mjoined now
by General Ed Sheppard,...
..commander-in-chiefofoperations
at the US Space Centre.
General,
that was an incredible launch.
You must be... over the moon.
- [chuckIes]
- lndeed we are, Todd.
Tell us, General,
what makes an astronaut?
l'll tell you what makes
an astronaut, Todd.
You gotta be focused,
determined...
..and in complete control
ofyourself.
But most ofall,
all ofmy astronauts,...
..each and every one
has worked hard...
..to overcome their problems.
And each one ofthem...
..is a uniquely gifted individual.
[Todd] The crew must be
really special people.
General, thank you for taking
the time to talk to us today.
- And good luck with the mission.
- Thank you, Todd.
And cake news.:
Today, a local lady
achieved national...
Overcome my probIems.
UniqueIy gifted individuaI.
AIan.
[Alan] Fascinating!
So you wouId Iike me
to eIiminate...
..that which has made you
an outsider...
..in the eyes of society?
No, AIan. It's my arse.
I want you to make something
to stop me farting.
My fIying machine
is proving to be...
..a greater chaIIenge
than anticipated.
It shouId work, but it doesn't.
The fIight competition
is stiII a week away,...
..so a day's respite
wiII cIear my mind.
Yes, Patrick.
I will construct a machine
and before you know it,...
..you wiII be in totaI controI
of your sphincter.
Does that mean
you're going to heIp me?
Quite so, Patrick. Now, Ieave me.
[echoing] There is work to be done.
So with Alan's help,
l felt sure we would succeed.
But things were already
happening around us...
..that would change our lives...
..in ways we could
never have guessed.
[shutter whirs and cIicks]
[fiIing of metaI]
[eIectric saw buzzes]
[driII whirs]
[banging]
[hissing and pinging]
[buzzing]
[dogs bark]
- [c*ck crows]
- [farts]
Thunderpants!
AII right, Patrick,
we're ready for you!
[squeak of rubber stretching]
- [sighs] Ah!
- Good.
The thunderpants
wiII contain the emissions...
..in the airtight rubber Iining...
..within the rigid
copper exoskeIeton.
Now, evacuate
into the hoIding unit.
Evacuate into the hoIding unit.
The Iunchbox.
There's a button
on the handIe.
[hissing]
A-ha!
The gases have been vented
into this Iunchbox...
..which wiII be abIe to hoId
a fuII day's emissions...
..in perfect safety.
What do I do
when it's fuII up?
Nothing couId be simpIer.
[buzzer]
[squeIching]
[whistIe bIows]
[beII tings]
Gas transfer successful.
TotaI containment.
What am I?
l'm a blithering idiot.
A bIithering idiot?
I'm a genius!
[# Richard Strauss.:
Also Sprach Zarathustra]
Alan had done it.
He had managed to make me
the same as everybody else.
lt was the best day
ofmy life, ever.
[rubber creaks]
AII stand.
Not a peep. Not a sound.
Not a whisper. Not a breath.
All ofmy astronauts,
each and every one,...
..has worked hard...
..to overcome their problems.
And each one ofthem
is a uniquely gifted individual.
HeIIo, Patrick.
How progresses the day?
It's great, AIan.
I feeI Iike new!
These thunderpants are briIIiant.
A first-cIass engineering job.
CIearIy, continued monitoring
of the situation is required.
But I have no doubt...
..these pants wiII withstand
the test of time.
AIan,...
SIight adjustment.
AIan, now you've soIved
my probIem,...
..can you find my unique gift?
Ah! That got it.
Your what? Gift? Oh, er,
nothing couId be simpIer.
You don't have one.
[Damon] Oi, you!
Why are you in my corner
of the pIayground, Smash?
But... I thought
that's your corner.
Nah. I decided
I didn't Iike that corner.
I've chosen this corner instead.
AII right, fart boy,
what's for Iunch?
- Don't, Damon, don't!
- I... I...
I think it wouId be most unwise
for you to disengage that...
Push off, Zorg boy!
This had better be jam, Smash.
[farting]
'Gas transfer successful. '
- [chiIdren jeer]
- Bet he's not farting now!
I warned you, fart boy.
I gave you every chance.
What d'you do?
You fart in my face.
WeII, now you're for it!
Get him!
[shouting]
[cIoth rips]
[metaI cIanks]
[cheers]
[Ioud fart]
[chiIdren groan]
[boy] Fart boy.
[chiIdren chant]
[chanting] Fart boy! Fart boy!
That was the worst day
ofmy life,...
..ever.
[TV] ln space news today,...
..the electrical systems on board
the space station lcarus...
..have caused concern.
lcarus Control tell us
there is no cause for alarm.
HeIIo, Patrick.
Mind if I come in?
- I missed you at schooI.
- I'm not going back.
- I toId Mum I'm iII.
- I repaired the thunderpants.
I don't care.
I know now, AIan.
You toId me,
I haven't got a unique gift.
My dream's never going
to come true.
But the thunderpants work.
They're stronger than ever now.
You can try to avoid Damon.
- That's your dream right there.
- That's not my dream.
- I thought you wanted a cure.
- I did.
But that wasn't my dream.
I want to be a spaceman.
I've aIways wanted
to be a spaceman,...
..ever since I was smaII.
I Iove rockets
and I Iove space.
If I was a spaceman,
I couId fIy into space...
..and everybody wiII know
it was me, Patrick Smash.
I couId Iook down at the earth
and it wouId be tiny.
PeopIe Iike Damon
wouId be so smaII,...
..you couIdn't even see them.
You couId hardIy even see
the country they were in.
And they'd Iook up to space...
..and know that I was up there
and I was free.
Patrick Smash,...
..spaceman.
That's what they'II say.
Oh, good heavens, Patrick!
Have you Iost your mind?
Why,...
..to be an astronaut,
you need training.
You need to be
at a physicaI peak.
You need to have passed exams
at the highest IeveIs.
Yeah.
Of course.
Patrick? I... I didn't mean...
I... I... Oh.
[sighs]
Good Lord!
What is it? TeII me.
Look at this. The boy's got
two stomachs. IncredibIe.
Like a cow.
UnbeIievabIe.
I've never seen the Iike.
Young Patsy
is a unique individuaI.
- He's a medicaI phenomenon.
- But why?
Why? Haven't a cIue.
But for some unknown reason,...
..Mother Nature has bestowed
upon IittIe Patsy...
..a compIeteIy useIess gift.
What was that bit
about the... gift, Mr Doctor?
Gift. I said you've got a gift,
young man.
Do I have to syringe out
your ears as weII?
Let's get this young sIacker
back to schooI forthwith,...
- Mrs Crash.
- Smash.
The doctor himselfcalled me
a unique individual.
A medical phenomenon.
He said l had a... gift.
That was the best day
ofmy life, ever.
But what happened next
was destined to change my life...
..in ways l could never
have guessed.
[# tenor sings in ltalian
with piano]
# Ecco Ia piu aIta nota di mai
# Mai
# [voice breaks] Mai... #
[# singing continues]
# Ecco la piu
# Alta nota di mai
- # Mai
- [Ioud fart]
[tunefuI squeaI]
[tunefuI squeaI continues]
- [gIass smashes]
- [fart]
You!
Boy! Yes, you.
What's your name?
No!
Don't run away!
[grunts and puffs]
Sir John!
That note! It was beautifuI.
SimpIy remarkabIe.
Amazing.
OnIy PIacido P PIaceedo
has ever reached it before.
UntiI now, sir.
Gosh! You couId be
the worId's number one.
What? Oh, no, no.
That was the chiId who...
The chiId, sir? I...
The chiId!
You were right, Patrick.
You do have a gift. Why,...
..the configuration of stomachs...
..puts me in mind
of a fission chamber...
..coupIed with some kind
of propuIsion moduIe.
This is exactIy what
I've been Iooking for!
Yes!
I might even use
the thunderpants.
This couId be revoIutionary!
Patrick, my friend,...
..my fIying machine
wiII succeed after aII.
What am I, Patrick?
- Er,...
- [Alan's voice] l'm a genius.
- A genius?
- No! No, no, no. WeII, yes.
ActuaIIy, I am a genius,
but I am aIso an imbeciIe.
The very thing
I've been trying to contain...
..is the very thing...
..that wiII make us
saiI through the heavens!
It's the annuaI madness...
..of the non-assisted fIight
competition.
A handsome cash purse awaits
the first man or woman...
..who can traveI 100 feet...
..without the use of motors, engines,
power ceIIs or fossiI fueIs.
WorId-famous tenor
Sir John Osgood,...
..EngIand's answer
to PIacido P PIaceedo,...
..has joined us
to present the winning prize.
Sir John has found time
in his busy scheduIe,...
..rehearsing for his worId tour,...
..where he hopes to reach
the high note...
..in BartoreIIi's
UnperformabIe Seventh.
Just pop you there.
Ladies and gentIemen,...
..pIease put your hands together...
..for the second-best tenor
in the worId,...
Sir John...
- ..Osgood!
- [cheering]
- Radishes? Curried eggs?
- Check!
- Runner beans? Courgettes?
- Check!
- Aubergine? Cabbage?
- Check!
- Spinach?
- Check!
Sprouts?
No. You said
you'd bring sprouts.
I most assuredIy did not.
You did, AIan. I remember.
You said!
I can't do it without the sprouts,
AIan! I need 'em!
I need 'em! I need 'em!
I need...
CaIm down, Patrick.
CaIm down.
It's me. AIan.
We are Patrick and AIan,
the team.
With your gift, my genius
and our friendship,...
..we can never go wrong!
- [appIause]
- Thanks, AIan.
Thanks for being a friend.
First up,...
..the fIying Dutchman himseIf,
Vincent Vincente,...
..with his magnificent creation,...
..AIbatross IV.
[appIause]
[announcer] OK. When you're ready,...
..take it away, Vincent!
Now, isn't that beautifuI?
Doesn't that remind you
of an aIbatross?
Oh, dear. Perhaps more of a dodo.
It's going nowhere.
[creaks]
Next up, Don Coaty
with his vortex technoIogy...
..Hurricane of Power!
[cheering]
[cIoth rips]
And off they go,
the FIight of Fancy!
Oh.
He's going...
He's going... Oh!
A big round of appIause
for Mrs Bishop!
Goodbye, CharIes!
Ooh!
LesIey Parsons,
if that takes off,...
..I'II eat my hat!
[appIause and cheering]
Oh, dear!
Bye-bye, Stephen.
Have a nice time in hospitaI.
Oh, it's the Birdman himseIf,...
..Jackie Jackson.
Off you go, Jackie!
- [thump]
- Nice to see you back, Jackie.
Oh, and, er, finaIIy,...
..we have... Patrick Smash...
..and AIan A AIIen,...
..with Thunderpants II. Hm.
WeII, seems to be
two young boys.
My apoIogies.
I know you aII want your tea.
Let's get a coupIe of shots
of these cIowns.
Quick as you can, boys.
[chatter]
Off you go.
- Ready, Patrick?
- I think so, AIan.
ShaII I fart now?
Engage.
[Ioud fart]
[fart continues]
Look at this, everyone!
Gary, wave them off!
They're moving!
They're moving forward.
This is absoIuteIy amazing!
They're actuaIIy fIying!
Go on!
[fart continues]
[whining and rattIing]
[fart continues]
[crowd groans]
[fart continues]
Keep it up, Patrick.
I'II get it!
[crowd] Phwoar!
[spIutters]
- [tunefuI squeaI]
- The note!
I haven't got much Ieft
in me, AIan.
- Keep going! You can do it.
- It's no good, I can't!
Do it for me.
[Ioud fart, crowd cheers]
Come on!
Cheer them on,
Iadies and gentIemen!
They can do it!
Come on! This is the big one.
Ladies and gentIemen,...
..this is an historic day!
- [cheering]
- Patrick, we did it!
Patrick, Iet's make
our next project Thunderpants III.
A giant rocket with enough power
to soar into space!
WeII done, boys!
With your gift, my genius
and our friendship,...
..we'II never go wrong.
..as they crossed
the finish Iine.
Patrick Smash and AIan A AIIen...
[TV] ..in the most remarkable
flying machine...
..this reporter has ever seen.
[Osgood] Patrick Smash
andAlan Allen!
Well done!
Ladies and gentlemen,...
..l give you the outright winners
of 100 English pounds!
- [crowd cheers]
- [phone rings]
- Johnson.
- Sir.
- Well?
- Yes, sir, they did it. They won.
- Excellent.
- RemarkabIe, sir.
[Patrick] So that was it.
l'd conquered my problem...
..and found my gift.
Alan was going to help me
be a spaceman.
But first,...
..l had some unfinished business
to take care of.
- [boys Iaugh]
- Oh, here's Zorg boy.
I can't beIieve my eyes, Smash.
You've got some nerve.
I finished you at schooI...
..and now you show your stupid
farty face in my pIace?
It's not your pIace. It's mine.
Oh! The worm has turned...
..into a fart boy.
WeII, fart boy,
prepare to get sIapped.
[groans, Ioud fart]
[boys cough and spIutter]
FIaming 'eck. What's that?
[coughing and spIuttering]
Go away!
[pants anxiousIy]
Uh! Get off! Uh...
You... You... You...
You're a freak!
No!
[shouts] No!
[wind howIs]
[Damon's screams echo]
[expIosion]
[Ieaves rustIe]
That was the best day ofmy life,...
..ever.
Yes?
HeIIo, Mr AIIen.
I just saw AIan going away.
Is he going to be Iong?
Because we need
to do my dream.
I see. WeII, AIan has moved
to pastures new.
Oh. He Ieft a missive.
''Patrick, my friend,...
..regretfully,...
..my genius is very much
needed elsewhere at present. ''
''Good luck with your dream.
Sincerely, Alan A Allen. ''
Is he going to be Iong, then?
Let me make this perfectIy cIear,
Patrick Smash.
AIan has gone to another country.
He won't be back.
Another country?
[sighs]
l couldn't believe it.
Alan had gone.
l was all alone.
l didn't know what to do.
lt was the worst day
ofmy life, ever.
As the situation aboard lcarus
reaches critical,...
..US Space Control...
..has admitted they are unable
to launch a rescue mission.
General Ed Sheppard
had this to say.
[reporters shout questions]
The prayers ofthe world...
..are going out
to those brave souls...
..who are stranded up there...
..between heaven and earth.
The boys and girls
at the Space Centre...
..are doing all they can
to launch a rescue mission.
But l gotta tell ya,...
..we're plumb out ofideas.
We're in trouble.
We need a miracle.
[doorbeII]
[TV] Ed Sheppard there, speaking from
lcarus Control earlier today.
Young man,
I wiII not take no for an answer.
I wish to take you on a worId tour
with me, Sir John Osgood.
You'II see things on the way
you've onIy ever dreamt of,...
..we'II visit countries...
Other countries?
NaturaIIy, yes. Other countries.
AII right.
You'II hear me sing every night
and you'II... What?
AII right, then.
I'II go to other countries.
Ah...
I'II just get my things.
Right.
It's quite a day for you, boy.
So, from out ofthe blue,
l'd been offered a chance,...
..a chance to go to other countries.
lfl went with Sir John,
maybe l could findAlan...
..and we could be Patrick andAlan,
the team, again.
l would take that chance.
l would go with Sir John.
l would sing with my arse.
So, night after night,
l did the high bit with my arse.
[tuneful squeal]
[wild cheering]
[speaks Spanish]
And day after day, l searched
the world for my best friend.
[tunefuI squeaI]
[cheering and appIause]
[whistIing and cheering]
[tunefuI squeaI]
[cheering and whistIing]
[crowd] Encore!
[whistIing and appIause]
[sniffs]
[mutters]
[tunefuI squeaI]
Again, boy. Again.
But Mr John,...
- ..I'm so hungry.
- Poppycock, boy.
Must practise!
If you don't finish,
you won't get any pudding.
Don't you see, boy?
We can sing the high note now.
We're at the top now.
Staying at the top,
that's the chaIIenge.
Practice. It's the onIy way.
I think I'II sIip out for a IittIe
fettucine a Ia fIamadora,...
..with a nice chianti.
Practice!
[tunefuI squeaI]
[hoteI manager]
Signor PIaceedo, you must wait.
Signor Osgood,
he say no visitors!
No visitors[!] He wiII see me.
Ma, I'h* detto che non po entrare,
e prohibito.
- Sono iI direttore di questo aIbergo.
- [tunefuI squeaI]
O, Santa Madonna, ma che mi voIete
farmi uscire tutti pazzi oggi!
Lo sai che ti dico, ma vafancuIo
puro ti, mi fai antipatia, mi fai!
- [farts]
- A chiId?
Here?
You, boy!
You know who I am?
You're the worId's number two.
[shivers] Never.
I am PIacido PIaceedo,...
..the greatest singer in the worId!
So, teII me,...
..IittIe boy,...
..what do you do?
I carry Mr John's bags,
make him drinks and sandwiches...
..and I'm searching the worId
for my friend AIan...
..so we can do my dream.
Oh, and I sing the high bit
with my arse, Mr Ceedo.
But that's a secret
between me and Mr John.
You are singing the high bit...
..with your arse?
Hm.
It might just work.
[hissing]
[# sings in ItaIian]
[deep rumbIing]
[audience gasp]
[tunefuI squeaI]
[gIass smashes]
[cries out]
[farts]
[tunefuI squeaI dies,
fart continues]
[farting continues]
[squeaIs with deIight]
- Fake!
- [audience gasps]
- He is a fake!
- [audience gasps]
[muttering]
It's the boy...
..who is singing the note...
..through his short trousers!
- [audience gasps]
- No! Madonna!
It is I and onIy I,...
..PIacido P PIaceedo,...
..who is the number one singer...
..in the worId!
And you, sir, are number two!
[astonished gasps]
[audience]
Bravissimo! PIaceedo!
[creaking]
Ah!
- [crash]
- [audience screams]
[commotion]
- Read all about it!
- Latest edition!
Flatulent boy held!
[ltalian reporter] ll mondo dell'
opera, un crudele assassino...
[Japanese reporter] Kyo,
sekai namba wan no opera...
[Spanish reporter]
Todo esta revuelto....
[US reporter] The opera world
was in turmoil today...
..when the world's number one
opera star was slain,...
..in a complex conspiracy...
..led by criminal mastermind
Patrick Smash.
Placido P Placeedo
was k*lled instantly...
..when a spotlight in Rome's
Roma opera house...
..fell from the lighting rig,
shaken loose by Patrick Smash.
[reporter]
Are you a m*rder*r, Patrick?
l didn't mean to k*ll Mr Ceedo.
And l didn't know it was wrong
to sing the high bit with my arse.
ljust want to find
my friendAlan.
ljust want to be Patrick
andAlan, the team, again.
l want to put my gift
and your genius together,...
..so we can reach for the stars.
l miss you, Alan.
And l'm scared.
[reporters and policemen shout]
Is that him?
Yes, that's him.
That's Patrick.
Read all about it!
Latest news!
Fart boy on trial!
- [customer] Six Heralds, please.
- [vendor] Get your papers 'ere!
- Echo, please.
- Latest news on fart boy trial!
World holds its breath
for fart trial!
[court clerk] Silence in court!
Ladies and gentIemen
of the jury,...
..PIacido P PIaceedo...
..was without doubt the worId's
greatest opera singer.
A charming, taIented man,...
..who, as I shaII show
during this triaI,...
..was humiIiated
and then cut down...
..by this, this...
..eviI chiId.
[coughs from gaIIery]
[Osgood] I feeI such a fooI.
I gave him every chance
and he threw it aII in my face.
Then...
..he m*rder*d the best friend...
..I ever had.
Everybody at schooI
was scared of him.
He attacked me
for no reason with that...
..weapon of his.
- [muttering]
- Order! Order!
I have taught Patrick Smash...
..for five years,...
..at the end of which time,...
..I Iooked behind his eyes
and I saw...
..pure eviI.
You can cIearIy see...
..the deep crack in the metaI,...
..a production fIaw.
The boIt was substandard.
It couId've snapped...
..at any time.
TeII me, wouId you caII yourseIf
an opera Iover, Mr Henderson?
WeII, no.
- I'm a metaIIurgist.
- I see.
Do you Iisten to opera at aII?
I'm sorry. I don't quite see
the reIevance...
The witness wiII answer
the question.
No.
I... I don't Iisten to opera.
Thank you, Mr Henderson.
- But this is not about...
- That wiII be aII, thank you.
It's cracked.
I see.
And this wouId be
around the time your best friend,...
..your onIy friend,...
..AIan, disappeared.
Yes, sir.
Just as you received a cheque...
..for 100 EngIish pounds.
Yes, sir.
How...
..convenient.
And so a picture has emerged,...
..Iadies and gentIemen
of the jury,...
..a picture of a Ioner,...
..a strange, haunted chiId,...
..who'd harass chiIdren younger,
weaker than himseIf,...
..who'd buIIy those
of whom he was jeaIous.
A Iiar!
A cheat. A thief.
A boy,...
..guiIty of fraud,
grievous bodiIy harm,...
..damage to property,...
..reckIess endangerment,...
..and now,...
..m*rder.
[jurors] GuiIty!
- GuiIty!
- GuiIty!
GuiIty!
That was it. l'd been
at rock bottom before,...
..but this time
l was even lower.
Now l'd never get
to do my dream.
[shouts] Fart boy waIking!
l would never know
what happened to Alan.
lt was the worst day
ofmy life,...
..ever.
Squad,... [cIears throat]
..get ready.
Take aim.
[tyres screech]
[car horn bIares]
And then it happened.
Johnson J Johnson.
United States of America
SpeciaI Forces.
Your British Home Secretary
has authorised the transfer...
..of prisoner Patrick Smash...
..into the custody of
the United States Government.
Our sincerest apoIogies...
..for the formaIities, Mr Smash.
We experienced severaI
administeriaI deIays...
..in securing the appropriate papers
from your British Home Office.
Somebody untie this boy,
goddammit!
Mr Smash, I wouId Iike
to formaIIy request...
..that you accompany us to
a pIace where your unique gifts...
..are very much needed
at this present moment in time.
AII right, then!
[shouts] Let's move out!
This way, sir.
Thank you for your co-operation.
You have yourseIves
a nice day, now.
Make yourseIf comfortabIe,
Mr Smash.
We have a short drive
ahead of us.
Is there anything
we can do for you, sir?
No, thank you, Mr Johnson.
I don't mean to be any troubIe.
No troubIe, Mr Smash.
No troubIe at aII.
- Mr Johnson?
- Yes, sir?
Do you mind if I...
- You go right ahead, sir.
- Thank you, Mr Johnson.
Air Force Nine, this is Tower.
You are clear for takeoff.
This way, sir.
Operation Hot Dog, you have
clearance for the Smash kid.
[eIectronic door whirs]
We've arranged a private room
for your use.
A change of cIothes,
personaI hygiene kit...
..and some refreshments.
We've seIected
a range of snacks...
..that we hope wiII meet
with your approvaI.
Now, with your permission,...
..there wiII be a briefing
at 0200 hours,...
..Greenwich Mean Time.
I suggest that you rest
up tiII then, sir.
AII right, then.
[sobs]
Air Force Nine, this is Tower.
You are clear runway ten-niner...
Chuck, take her on a heading
of one-zero-niner.
- Roger that, sir.
- Let's take her home.
How is the IittIe feIIa?
He's crying.
A-ha! Come in Mr Smash, sir.
The briefing team
is waiting for you.
AIan!
You Ieft me aII aIone!
I thought we'd put my gift
and your genius together...
..and do my dream.
I've been Iooking
for you everywhere.
Patrick, sit down.
I'II expIain everything.
Now, Patrick, Mr Johnson...
Alan told me that they'd
found out how clever he was.
They came to the flight competition
to ask him to help them.
He was working really hard
to save the spacemen...
..on space station lcarus.
He couldn't tell me
because it was a secret,...
..but he really wanted to.
There is a breach in the huII,...
..where the meteorite shower
hit Iast week...
What happened next was destined
to change my life for ever.
We decided that we shouId
stage a rescue mission.
But the sub-engines
on the rescue rocket...
..have suffered
a severe maIfunction.
Some of our boys are up there,
Mr Smash.
And they're dying.
Patrick, you know
you have two stomachs.
Yeah.
WeII, the cIever peopIe here...
..think that you can heIp
the astronauts.
Can you heIp us, sIugger?
Am I going to be a spaceman?
Yes, Patrick.
You're going to be a spaceman.
[phone rings]
- Yeah?
- Mr Smash is here, General.
Thank you, Annie.
Johnson.
So this is he?
Thank the sweet Iovin' Jesus
that you're here, son!
The boys and girIs...
..at Space ControI
have caIcuIated
..that we have
a 24-hour window...
..in which to Iaunch
a rescue rocket.
You're a fruit, son.
Fruit, sir?
The good Lord has Iooked down
from on high...
..at those astronauts,
and has shed a singIe tear.
The singIe tear
has faIIen to the earth...
..and nursed a tiny seed.
The seed became a sprout,
that sprout has borne a bud,...
..that bud has
brought forth a fruit!
You're that fruit, son.
Praise God!
- Now, we have got work to do.
- Come on.
[Tannoy] Flight crew
to Test Bay Four.
Repeat. Flight crew
to Test Bay Four.
Mr Smash, it is my duty
to inform you...
..that what you are
about to see is cIassified.
Category tripIe A cIearance.
Son, I gotta teII ya,...
..behind these doors
is the secret...
..of the USSC famiIy.
A famiIy I sincereIy hope
that you wiII soon join.
- AIan.
- Yes, sir.
This is your show.
- You take it from here.
- [cIears throat]
[electronic voice]
Scanning. Scanning.
Agent Johnson J Johnson.
You are clear to enter.
[Tannoy] Control room crew,
prepare for guidance verification.
Come on, Patrick.
Let me introduce you
to my team.
The best of the best.
HeIIo, everybody.
Patrick, the guys.
WeIcome aboard, Patrick!
This is a proud moment
for us aII.
Patrick, this is Jose.
Everything OK, Jose?
I'm sorry, Patrick, but
I'm trying to expIain something...
..to those idiots
in Launch ControI.
They screwed up the inertiaI
pIatform faiIure procedure...
..and they have misinterpreted
the Iaunch teIemetry.
They're driving me crazy!
CaIm down, Jose.
We'II sort it out.
Why don't we ask
the grown-ups to heIp?
[giggIing]
- [cIear throats]
- Don't you see, Patrick?
There are no grown-ups
in research and pIanning.
We make the decisions here.
The grown-ups of the USSC
are on a constant search...
..throughout the worId
to seek out chiIdren with gifts.
That's why they came
and found me.
And that's why
they found you, too.
- But aII I can do is fart.
- ExactIy, Patrick. ExactIy.
[chiIdren] Mm-hm.
This is the design of the
revoIutionary new jet engine,...
..the prototype for which...
..was buiIt into the rescue rocket.
But the engine coupIing...
..was fused
with the booster housing!
[tuts] That is
my father's department.
And this is a computer modeI
of your stomachs.
You see, you have that
revoIutionary new engine...
..there in your shorts, Patrick!
Jose worked
on the moduIe coupIing.
Yes. You wiII sit in this harness,
above the boosters.
We caII it the Thermo Diaper.
[AIan] Thunderpants III.
I have harnessed
the fuII potentiaI...
..of your fIatuIence...
..and enhanced it exponentiaIIy.
You're going to Iaunch
the rescue rocket.
You're going to Iaunch
Thunderpants III!
So that was it.
l was going to launch
that rocket.
l was going to save
the astronauts.
l was going to be
a spaceman.
My dream had come true.
lt was the best day
ofmy life, ever.
[sighs] I...
That boy in there
has no stamina, no dexterity,...
..no strength and no experience.
He's faiIed aII the mentaI and
physicaI tests in our Iexicon.
How are we gonna make
this thing work, Ed?
That chiId is a tooI, Johnson.
A tooI, sir?
A fragiIe tooI which the good Lord
has chosen to deIiver to us.
It's up to us to use it wiseIy...
..and use it weII.
That boy in there...
..has got the hopes and the fears
of the American peopIe...
..in his g*dd*mn shorts.
Amen, Ed.
Amen.
[General] lt's showtime, boys.
Show me what you got.
[Tannoy] Please stand by
for primary ignition test.
Patrick, give it a quick burn.
Check out the hardware.
Roger.
WiIco, AIan.
[fart dies out]
- Wow.
- HoIy Mary, mother of God!
- Hot dog!
- Some power you got down there!
[Tannoy]
Launch in T minus 30 minutes.
Flight crew to Gantry Five.
Son, may I shake your hand?
You've eaten...
..every Ieaf vegetabIe
and every bean product...
..within a ten-miIe radius
of this pIace.
You've done a 1 2-year training
course in two and a haIf hours.
And you possess the most
powerfuI tooter I ever saw!
Whoa!
You got a heart of goId, son,...
..you've got
the constitution of an ox.
And you've got pants of thunder.
Godspeed, Patrick Smash.
Thank you, Mr Ed.
Knock 'em dead, skipper.
Thank you, Mr Johnson.
What am I, Patrick?
You're the cIeverest one of aII.
And I'm proud. Good Iuck!
[cheering]
[TV] As the rescue rocket
points to the skies,...
..the world can only wait
and hope...
..and pray that they've found
a way to lift that craft,...
..those tons ofequipment,
that metal, plastic...
Hold on.
Hold on. They...
There is movement there.
There is definitely
something going on...
..near the command centre.
Uh, it seems...
- That's Patrick again, Iook!
- Patrick! Look!
..a very small man is...
lt's... lt's a boy!
A... A boy astronaut...
..ofmaybe nine or ten.
A buggy is making its way
across the tarmac.
But now,...
..now we can see
a group approaching,...
..walking towards the boy.
One ofthe men is, um,...
..um, is,...
shaking the boy's hand.
The eyes of the worId are on you,
Patrick Smash.
We aII admire you.
God bIess you
and God bIess America.
Thank you, Mr President.
Good Iuck, son.
[President] The boy's a miracIe.
[chiIdren chatter]
GentIemen,
what have you got?
EIectricaI systems
are go, sir!
Life-support system
on Iine, sir.
Ignition systems
on Iine, sir.
Methane filters engaged.
Cooling systems
are green for go, sir.
Sulphur boosters
are on line, sir.
Expansion chambers
are primed for influx.
There you go, sir.
[radio] Flight pressurisation
is under way.
We have a green light...
..as the main engines, uh,
as we prepare for ignition.
[chatter, phones ring]
Sir, I was running through
the Iaunch sequence again...
..and I've, uh,
I've come across a probIem.
It seems that 20 seconds
into the Iaunch,...
..it's possibIe we might Iose
communication with the rocket,...
..foIIowed by a shutdown
of Iife-support systems...
Cut to the chase, Foster.
We're runnin' on fumes.
Sorry, sir.
A chain reaction.
An expIosion, sir.
TotaI destruction of the rocket.
g*dd*mn! What's the chances
of this happening?
Uh,...
..79%.
[sighs] Sweet Jesus.
That gives us 21%
to pIay with.
AIan!
A word in your ear,
son, pIease.
We've got a probIem here,
um,...
[Tannoy] Final checks concluded.
Stand by for launch.
[Alan] Patrick,
we have a problem.
HeIIo, AIan. What's wrong?
There is a chance, Patrick,
a big chance,...
..that Thunderpants III wiII...
..wiII bIow up
shortIy after Iiftoff.
[gasps]
GeneraI Sheppard says
that the decision is yours...
..and...
and if you choose to stay,...
..you're stiII a g*dd*mn hero.
Alan,...
..can l say something
to everybody?
Go ahead, Patrick.
Hello, everyone.
My name is Smash,
Patrick Smash.
And this is my dream.
l'm going to try my best
to be a good spaceman.
l've never had the whole world
rely on me before.
l mean, l do try
to do my best at home,...
..but l wasn't what
my mum expected me to be.
l did try to do my best
at school too,...
..but l upset
some ofthe other kids.
And l was a disappointment
to the teachers.
One time, l thought l'd found
someone who would help me.
We went round the world
together. We sang together.
But everything
kept going wrong.
But then my friendAlan came
and showed me...
..that what the spacemen
need now is a friend.
l'm going to try
and be that friend.
We are Patrick andAlan,
the team.
And with my gift, your genius
and our friendship,...
..we can never go wrong!
AndAlan,...
..thanks for remembering
the sprouts this time.
Who gave you Iadies
permission to bIubber?
- Uh...
- Patrick Smash,...
..we saIute you.
[aII] Yes, sir.
Let's bIow a*s!
[chatter]
OK, Patrick.
We're ready for you, buddy.
[Tannoy]
Guidance systems are on line.
Engage primary ignition system.
We're lookin' good.
T minus ten,...
..nine,...
..eight, seven,...
..six,...
..five,...
..four, three, two,...
..one,...
Patrick...
Yes, Alan?
You've got to Iet one go now.
All right, then.
[groans]
[roaring fart]
[electronic voice]
Gas transfer successful.
Ladies and gentIemen,
we have Iiftoff!
[cheering]
- CongratuIations, son.
- Thanks.
Good work, Johnson.
[regular beeps]
[rapid beeps]
[screen crackles]
[intermittent beeps]
What's going on,
Mr Johnson?
Um, we appear to have...
..Iost communication
with the rocket...
..and Iife-support systems are...
PIease, come on.
[mutters]
[tunefuI squeaI]
[tunefuI squeaI sweIIs]
That's the Bart Seven.
He's OK?
He's OK. He... He's OK!
He's aIive!
[wiId cheering]
And that's my story.
l'mjust a nobody, really.
l've always been a nobody.
l'm not that clever.
l'm not that brave.
But l did one thing right.
l found out what it was...
..that made me who l am,...
..that made me... me.
And that's my message to you.
You may think
you have problems now,...
..but are they really problems?
Take them, look at them,...
..use them.
Use them wisely
and use them well.
And maybe,...
..just maybe,...
..one day,...
..your dream will come true.
[TV] Today, the world breathed
a sigh ofrelief...
..as the astronauts splashed down
in the Pacific Ocean.
SS Neptune was on hand
to pluck them out ofthe water.
The astronauts spent
..as hopes for their rescue
slowly faded.
The day was saved
by an unlikely hero,...
..Patrick Smash.
General Ed Sheppard
had this to say.
Praise God!
This is our finest hour.
Thank you, Alan.
Thank you, Patrick.
Thank you, Thunderpants!
[TV] New Yorkers turned up
in their thousands today,...
..for that most traditional
ofAmerican celebrations.
A ticker-tape parade
through Manhattan,...
..in honour ofthe biggest hero
ofthem all...
..Patrick Smash!
Mr Smash said...
.. ''lt was the best day ofmy life,...
..ever. ''
# AllStars.: We're goin' all the way
# Oh, no matter what they say
# We won't give up
# We won't give up
# We're on our way...
He was a breath of fresh air
to this schooI.
Patso Smash?
He taught me to respect others.
And to Iove myseIf.
We did it, Patrick.
We reaIIy did it,
didn't we?
I don't see
what aII the fuss is about.
AII he did was fart.
Uh, a teacher?
Yes, um...
I prefer to think of him as...
..the son I never had.
Here's some more books, Father.
What A Note, my new book.
I'm signing copies here
in this bookshop.
A reaIIy taIented
young man,...
..whose gift we recognised
earIy on.
We Iove you,
Patrick Smash! Hooray!
He aIways spoiIt everything
and he ends up a hero.
WeII, big deaI!
I hated him then
and I hate him now.
That enough?
AII right. That's enough.
Stop it!
# The future Iies within our hands
# Now it's time
to make a stand
# Put heart and souI
# In what we beIieve in
# Yeah
# It doesn't matter
# Who you are
# Keep Iookin' for
# The brightest star
# Don't Iook back
# Just keep achieving
# Yeah
# EverIasting,
now we're on our own
# Never-ending fight
to take controI
# We're goin' aII the way
# Oh, no matter
what they say
# We won't give up
# We won't give in
# We're on our way
# We're goin' aII the way
# Yeah
# Got to make
# A master pIan
# Show the worId
# Every woman and man
# Workin' night and day
# To make it better
# Yeah, yeah
# Use your head
# And use your heart
# Know your mind
# Right from the start
# PIay to win
# The onIy thing that matters
# EverIasting,
now we're on our own
# The never-ending fight
to take controI
# We're goin' aII the way
# No, no matter what they say
# We won't give up
# We won't give in
# We're on our way
# We're goin' aII the way
# AII the way
# No, no matter what you say
# No matter what you say
# We won't bow down
# No turning back
# The worId is ours to take... #
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Thunderpants (2002)
Moderators: Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters, Maskath3, GabrielAlejo2341, sidolanters